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Show rules for this event
Reverse Aesop: If people are man to you, be even meaner back in the end.
I... have some problems with how much of assholes the kids are. Like, do you kids not want to even try and exploit her to play all the cool new games or anything? Like, maybe differing life experience or something, but I wanted to hang with the kids who had cool toys. Rich kids are rad if they are being dicks. This is unfortunate, because her getting dumpstered by the other foals is kinda the crux of everything, and it just doesn't resonate with me.
I... have some problems with how much of assholes the kids are. Like, do you kids not want to even try and exploit her to play all the cool new games or anything? Like, maybe differing life experience or something, but I wanted to hang with the kids who had cool toys. Rich kids are rad if they are being dicks. This is unfortunate, because her getting dumpstered by the other foals is kinda the crux of everything, and it just doesn't resonate with me.
Mostly agreed with Xepher in that I'm off-put by the fact that this feels much more like a serial killer holding off on killing someone than anything else. Hell, I'd say this reads more like Q than Discord (though I suspect neither is really accurate). Like, it is actually kinda distracting that the first considered prank is cyanide. Yes, yes, kid's show vs more serious interps, but Discord has always leaned more funny chaos than, like, Q (Star Trek) or Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls).
Honestly, this comic kinda sums it up for me: https://derpicdn.net/img/2016/5/12/1152410/full.jpeg
That aside, I... don't think this story makes a good case for why he is trying not to be what he wants to be. Like, I assume the idea is he vaguely likes friendship with Fluttershy, but you really, really don't get that impression here. He in fact seems to have like, no affection for that. At all. This guy is in a worse relationship than Moondancer and Gilda.
Honestly, this comic kinda sums it up for me: https://derpicdn.net/img/2016/5/12/1152410/full.jpeg
That aside, I... don't think this story makes a good case for why he is trying not to be what he wants to be. Like, I assume the idea is he vaguely likes friendship with Fluttershy, but you really, really don't get that impression here. He in fact seems to have like, no affection for that. At all. This guy is in a worse relationship than Moondancer and Gilda.
I'll be blunt: I can't really think of substantive commentary on this one and am a bit unsure what to do with it.
This all... honestly ends up feeling kinda OOC all around. Like, Twilight is simpering, Spike is hyper aggro, etc. Half-expecting Spike to just smack her and say "stop being a pussy."
I dunno, it's just one of those things that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I can potentially see the roads that lead here, but don't really like them that much.
I dunno, it's just one of those things that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I can potentially see the roads that lead here, but don't really like them that much.
I'm surprised this got as far as it did. I submitted this at literally the last second of the 5-minute grace period. I knew it needed about 100 more words (I had room to spare), all the actions are down but I need to solidify the ideas and connections. The finishing touches are already planned out in my head, but... no time left. Do I submit something, anything? Or just throw it away like usual? I felt optimistic enough to submit it anyway, while knowing there's no chance it'll be understood or make finals.
People liked it a little, and partially understood what it was going for, which was more than I could've asked for.
I've done capoeira for years, and one of the problems of trying to explain what it's like is there's just so much jargon involved. Trying to fit it into the pony world might be a stupid idea (though the show's given characters some strange hobbies too, so why not) but I at least wanted to avoid all those specific terms and names and traditions that wouldn't fit the setting. I feel guilty about using the Portuguese quote at the end, that was such a copout.
Thanks for the comments, and I appreciate everyone who has the courage to say what they honestly think. Sorry this was such a bare-bones meal.
the atmosphere this round has been rather nasty, especially around the Discord chat. even if none of it was aimed at me, I've never felt more discouraged.
People liked it a little, and partially understood what it was going for, which was more than I could've asked for.
I've done capoeira for years, and one of the problems of trying to explain what it's like is there's just so much jargon involved. Trying to fit it into the pony world might be a stupid idea (though the show's given characters some strange hobbies too, so why not) but I at least wanted to avoid all those specific terms and names and traditions that wouldn't fit the setting. I feel guilty about using the Portuguese quote at the end, that was such a copout.
Thanks for the comments, and I appreciate everyone who has the courage to say what they honestly think. Sorry this was such a bare-bones meal.
the atmosphere this round has been rather nasty, especially around the Discord chat. even if none of it was aimed at me, I've never felt more discouraged.
Minuette's Imaginary Friend Replacement Service
Retrospective
Firstly, congratulations to Chris and GroaningGreyAgony for medalling, but also to everyone who submitted a fic, whether it finalled or not.
Secondly, heartfelt thanks to >>Xepher, >>Monokeras, >>Fenton, >>PaulAsaran, >>Light_Striker, >>Ranmilia, >>JudgeDeadd, >>eusocialdragon, >>Everyday, >>AndrewRogue and >>CoffeeMinion for taking the time to comment and provide feedback on this story. I appreciate your efforts (particularly you, Ranmilia), and you can be assured that these will be taken into consideration when this story makes the transition to FiMFiction.
This was very much a last minute idea, one which came to me partly formed with about four hours or so until the deadline. I wanted to write and submit it anyway, as it has been a goal of mine to get two stories submitted during a Writeoff round. The tone was intended to mirror that found in the books of younger readers' markets, hence the base simplicity of the prose and concept. Plus I just wanted to try my hand at writing something that was cute, and very little else.
However, it is obvious that the ticking of the clock was against me, and critiques concerning the story's basic nature are difficult to argue against. More work is needed there, to be sure. Same with the pacing, particularly in relation to the scene where they are digging holes. Time and word count was against me there, and the overall effect is pretty jarring.
Okay, key themes from the comments:
Prompt
Yes this is very much a take on the consequences of the prompt statement. The filly in question ignored her imaginary friend, causing it to disappear. Usually this would happen a little later on, perhaps, once stronger (real) friendships have basically replaced them anyway, but in this case Cedric's disappearance was premature, and Minstrel had no friends to fall back on.
What kind of name is "Minstrel"?
Author indulgence alert. Minstrel was the name of a filly in a (discontinued) Pinkie Pie/Trixie friendshipping fic of mine. She was an important character in a particular scene that brought to the fore the idea of friendship being a *desirable* thing for Trixie. She was a singer/storyteller who had a fairly isolated life, and many of her issues resonated with the filly in this particular fic. As such, I largely just imported her over, because I quite liked her character originally, and I felt I should try and do *something* with her.
Why Minuette?
Because Minuette. No, in all seriousness I've been meaning to write a Minuette fic for ages. But (originally) there was an implication within the fic that Minuette harbours a lot of doubts about the strength of her friendships seen in Amending Fences, and Twilight's departure exacerbated those. Unlike Moon Dancer, however, Minuette's reaction went in the other direction, and though she forms more friendships, she worries about how real they are. Which is why her imaginary friend is still with her. An anchor, if you will. But I cut that out on account of it tainting the general tone of the story I wanted to tell. Which leads me to:
That ending, yo
I have to admit, I'm feeling like something of a fraud here. There is repeated talk of a twist ending, and I'd genuinely love to know what this twist is perceived to be. I think some of this is a hangover to the above content, where there may have been a deeper psychological element, but in the end the reference to her own imaginary friend is simply that Minuette continued to embrace those childlike elements of wonder and fun and excitement, and in her own mind "never grew up". The more I watched Amending Fences for reference points, the more I felt that her character would suit having that type of happy-go-lucky youthful perspective. Whether that was what people interpreted as a twist I can't say. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts, and I can only apologise if my delivery of the conclusion falsely gave the story a deeper meaning.
Also, damn right, Petunia. She's awesome, and will be getting more exposure in the rewrite (that whole sand-pit scene needs some expansion).
That's about it for this one, I think. I'll get to my other fic a little later, and will do my best to answer any further comments promptly.
Thanks again!
>>Haze
Seconded. I sincerely hope for more encouraging rounds in future.
I'm glad you decided to submit this in the end, regardless of your doubts. As you say, some aspects are in need of further definition, but I enjoyed a lot of what you have already put in place, and this fic was in my top ten. I hope you feel like adding some meat onto those bones and publishing the story on FiMFic at some point, as I'd very much look forward to reading your intended version.
the atmosphere this round has been rather nasty, especially around the Discord chat. even if none of it was aimed at me, I've never felt more discouraged.
Seconded. I sincerely hope for more encouraging rounds in future.
I'm glad you decided to submit this in the end, regardless of your doubts. As you say, some aspects are in need of further definition, but I enjoyed a lot of what you have already put in place, and this fic was in my top ten. I hope you feel like adding some meat onto those bones and publishing the story on FiMFic at some point, as I'd very much look forward to reading your intended version.
Huh. Not bad for a dumb thing I wrote at 9 AM in about an hour after over a day without sleep and no coffee. In a genre I have virtually no experience in, which definitely shows. Still, the fact I got anyone to even chuckle is more than enough for me. Thank you to everyone who commented; I think it's fairly clear what I need to work on.
With that out of the way, hello everybody! I'm RB, this was my first Writeoff, and I'm sorry to inform you that you may have to put up with me on occasion in the future.
With that out of the way, hello everybody! I'm RB, this was my first Writeoff, and I'm sorry to inform you that you may have to put up with me on occasion in the future.
First, an apology to the authors of the stories I didn't review; I wasn't feeling well last night, and went to bed early. Since I haven't yet discovered a means of reviewing fiction whilst unconscious, I missed out on giving you all my patented canned-and-recycled shitpost critique.
Second, uh, let's just get this out of the way real quick...
Retrospective from the Skies
This was a story. One which I wrote.
...The end.
I dunno, man, I did this in an hour with the primary goal of not writing about Twilight Sparkle overcompensating for a minor bout of depression in a minific round for once. My secondary goal was to make everyone think Syeekoh wrote it (because if you saw something with a giant cosmic Sonata Dusk face destroying Ponyville... I mean, c'mon, your mind would go there too, right?).
>>Fenton's criticism about the Bugbear is great, as are the points that everyone else made about Lyra and Bon Bon being ill-suited to this premise. I needed a pair of characters with relatively clear voices in-universe, and the only other pair I could think of were Dr. Whooves and Derpy. Since I refuse to dignify Dr. Whooves with any sort of attention whatsoever, I went with Lyra and Bon Bon instead.
Too late did I remember that Vinyl and Octavia exist. So I'll probably swap 'em out for Lyra and Bon Bon.
Per >>Chris's criticism, I'll probably rewrite the big Sonata death scene into something campier that doesn't involve her dissolving a la the Grotesquerie Queen... while still losing her teeth...
The rest of you are cool and attractive and smart, but respectfully, I'll probably keep the dialogue more or less as-is. This story'll have to balloon in size a bit in order to reach FiMfic's 1k word minimum, but that shouldn't be too difficult, in part due to FiMfic's algorithm exaggerating word counts. And in part due to the fact that there's some imagery and sensory description that got cut from the Writeoff draft.
Thanks to everyone for reading, and make sure you sacrifice a taco platter to sate the appetite of Calamity Sonata Dusk, lest she consume your bottom with toothy fury.
Henceforth, all my Writeoff entries will be about oversized, cosmic body parts doing things to, or in the vicinity of, the Mane Six.
Second, uh, let's just get this out of the way real quick...
Retrospective from the Skies
This was a story. One which I wrote.
...The end.
I dunno, man, I did this in an hour with the primary goal of not writing about Twilight Sparkle overcompensating for a minor bout of depression in a minific round for once. My secondary goal was to make everyone think Syeekoh wrote it (because if you saw something with a giant cosmic Sonata Dusk face destroying Ponyville... I mean, c'mon, your mind would go there too, right?).
>>Fenton's criticism about the Bugbear is great, as are the points that everyone else made about Lyra and Bon Bon being ill-suited to this premise. I needed a pair of characters with relatively clear voices in-universe, and the only other pair I could think of were Dr. Whooves and Derpy. Since I refuse to dignify Dr. Whooves with any sort of attention whatsoever, I went with Lyra and Bon Bon instead.
Too late did I remember that Vinyl and Octavia exist. So I'll probably swap 'em out for Lyra and Bon Bon.
Per >>Chris's criticism, I'll probably rewrite the big Sonata death scene into something campier that doesn't involve her dissolving a la the Grotesquerie Queen... while still losing her teeth...
The rest of you are cool and attractive and smart, but respectfully, I'll probably keep the dialogue more or less as-is. This story'll have to balloon in size a bit in order to reach FiMfic's 1k word minimum, but that shouldn't be too difficult, in part due to FiMfic's algorithm exaggerating word counts. And in part due to the fact that there's some imagery and sensory description that got cut from the Writeoff draft.
Thanks to everyone for reading, and make sure you sacrifice a taco platter to sate the appetite of Calamity Sonata Dusk, lest she consume your bottom with toothy fury.
Henceforth, all my Writeoff entries will be about oversized, cosmic body parts doing things to, or in the vicinity of, the Mane Six.
>>Haze
It's probably because I wasn't in the chat as much. I'm a stabilizing influence who radiates chill vibes and groove waves.
uwu *huggles*
If it's any consolation, I kind of want you to teach me capoeira now. But I have no rhythm. So just, like, teach me to hit stuff, okay?
the atmosphere this round has been rather nasty, especially around the Discord chat. even if none of it was aimed at me, I've never felt more discouraged.
It's probably because I wasn't in the chat as much. I'm a stabilizing influence who radiates chill vibes and groove waves.
uwu *huggles*
If it's any consolation, I kind of want you to teach me capoeira now. But I have no rhythm. So just, like, teach me to hit stuff, okay?
>>Haze
Shoot, I didn't know things were discouraging this round... I don't do Discord and I kinda dropped out after prelims. That sucks to hear.
I hope my feedback on this didn't contribute to that. This was ultimately quite beautiful and I hope it will return on FimFiction. I would gladly help read or edit for it if desired.
Shoot, I didn't know things were discouraging this round... I don't do Discord and I kinda dropped out after prelims. That sucks to hear.
I hope my feedback on this didn't contribute to that. This was ultimately quite beautiful and I hope it will return on FimFiction. I would gladly help read or edit for it if desired.
>>PaulAsaran, >>Chris, >>Light_Striker, >>Posh, >>horizon, >>Monokeras, >>CoffeeMinion, >>Fenton, >>Ceffyl_Dwr, >>Trick_Question, >>eusocialdragon, >>JudgeDeadd, >>Xepher, >>Ranmilia, >>AndrewRogue
PANTS!
Congrats to Chris and Ceffyl, and thanks to all who thought kindly of my effort. It was another “Didn’t get a workable idea until the night before” sort of thing, so I’m glad it made some people happy.
This story is partly autobiographical. I have an obnoxious habit of dramatically declaiming the word “Pants!” from time to time when it seems that some randomness is called for. I gave Trixie the word and constructed the lab scene, noodled about a bit until I found a pants pun suitable for ending the story, then arranged the other puns to fit. Yes, the story is too compact and rushed, and I will expand it a bit when it goes on Fimfic.
>>PaulAsaran
>>CoffeeMinion
I’m glad you enjoyed it! I had lots of fun writing it.
>>Chris
Yeah, that would be a lot of work. Want to do it as a side story? :)
>>Light_Striker
By “overnice,” I meant that this wasn’t so much a friendship problem as something that had to be solved quickly and directly.
Geltbaum’s reagent is just something I made up on the fly; I may seek a better pony/chemistry pun for the Fimfic version. Twilight isn’t wearing an air filter because having lilies grow from her nostrils is funny.
>>Posh
All right, I confess. I really am horizon. Please assign all the medals from my horizon account to this account as well.
>>horizon
Thanks for the praise! Sometimes, when one jams, one winds up legging it.
>>Monokeras
>>Fenton
Sorry the story was a slip up for you guys. I’ll try to culotte down in the future.
I haven’t been keeping up with recent episodes, but I’d gotten the impression that Trixie had been mostly rehabilitated by now. I will try to make her interaction with Twilight more canon compatible in my revision.
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Ranmilia
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks for your comments! Pants.
>>Trick_Question
Thanks for the analyses; I will consider them when revising pants. Twilight doesn’t suddenly grok Pantish; Trixie is just communicating “No” as in “No, that won’t work,” and Twilight is then realizing why it won’t work and stating it aloud. Pants.
>>eusocialdragon
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Xepher
Yeah, the prompt is a bit of a drop. I am one of those who doesn’t grade strictly on prompt adherence and it’s fair that I practice what I preach. I’m glad you liked it regardless.
PANTS!
Congrats to Chris and Ceffyl, and thanks to all who thought kindly of my effort. It was another “Didn’t get a workable idea until the night before” sort of thing, so I’m glad it made some people happy.
This story is partly autobiographical. I have an obnoxious habit of dramatically declaiming the word “Pants!” from time to time when it seems that some randomness is called for. I gave Trixie the word and constructed the lab scene, noodled about a bit until I found a pants pun suitable for ending the story, then arranged the other puns to fit. Yes, the story is too compact and rushed, and I will expand it a bit when it goes on Fimfic.
>>PaulAsaran
>>CoffeeMinion
I’m glad you enjoyed it! I had lots of fun writing it.
>>Chris
Yeah, that would be a lot of work. Want to do it as a side story? :)
>>Light_Striker
By “overnice,” I meant that this wasn’t so much a friendship problem as something that had to be solved quickly and directly.
Geltbaum’s reagent is just something I made up on the fly; I may seek a better pony/chemistry pun for the Fimfic version. Twilight isn’t wearing an air filter because having lilies grow from her nostrils is funny.
>>Posh
All right, I confess. I really am horizon. Please assign all the medals from my horizon account to this account as well.
>>horizon
Thanks for the praise! Sometimes, when one jams, one winds up legging it.
>>Monokeras
>>Fenton
Sorry the story was a slip up for you guys. I’ll try to culotte down in the future.
I haven’t been keeping up with recent episodes, but I’d gotten the impression that Trixie had been mostly rehabilitated by now. I will try to make her interaction with Twilight more canon compatible in my revision.
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Ranmilia
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks for your comments! Pants.
>>Trick_Question
Thanks for the analyses; I will consider them when revising pants. Twilight doesn’t suddenly grok Pantish; Trixie is just communicating “No” as in “No, that won’t work,” and Twilight is then realizing why it won’t work and stating it aloud. Pants.
>>eusocialdragon
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Xepher
Yeah, the prompt is a bit of a drop. I am one of those who doesn’t grade strictly on prompt adherence and it’s fair that I practice what I preach. I’m glad you liked it regardless.
Wow, this was my worst competition ever! :raritydespair:
The good news is that I'm working on a longer version of the 1984 story that will be funny (if I can stop accidentally writing tons of drama into it, argh it's so hard). The protagonist definitely won't be Twilight, either... :raritywink: But a really good story should emerge from a crappy one, and it will be unlike other TQ fare. Time to stretch my range.
Pee pee story is on the back burner for now, but may resurface eventually.
Don't pee on your burners. Trust me.
The good news is that I'm working on a longer version of the 1984 story that will be funny (if I can stop accidentally writing tons of drama into it, argh it's so hard). The protagonist definitely won't be Twilight, either... :raritywink: But a really good story should emerge from a crappy one, and it will be unlike other TQ fare. Time to stretch my range.
Pee pee story is on the back burner for now, but may resurface eventually.
Don't pee on your burners. Trust me.
I can't believe this one placed 17th. I thought it was a top contender, despite its flaws.
Tomorrow
Well, it only took me 12 months to reach the finals of a round again.
The concept for the story was a warped version of the Mandela effect; a town in which everybody's past changed every day. The flimsy narrative background for it was that occurs before Celestia/Luna have defeated Discord, or afterwards, but in a small remaining pocket of chaos that nobody's noticed; the references to a broken sky were in that vein. Each and every day, everybody's memories - and the town itself - changes, and the inhabitants slowly forget their multitude of pasts, to the point where the only thing they're able to consistently remember is that the Sisters left them there.
To everybody who found the story too vague - you're right. It was.The idea would probably be better befitting a short story round, where I could flesh out the characters, and explore the effects of the setting on them and their relationships, rather than two flimsy introductory scenes leading into 400 words of exposition dump. Vagueness in general is a recurring problem for me; I think part of the answer might be dedicating more time to working on the story. I wasn't intending to enter this round at all, but the prompt matched an idea, and I probably needed a break from that report anyway, right?
Thank you for all of your reviews.
>>PaulAsaran
Thanks for the kind words! It's gotten to the point where I'm worried of a positive review from you, because it means I've written too vaguely for the rest of the write-off :P .
>>Light_Striker
Nice way of phrasing it.
>>Chris
Thanks for the constructive feedback; it was quite helpful. Great to have you back!
>>Posh
Now that would be an interesting change to the premise; it'd definitely ground it more firmly in the events of the show.
>>Ranmilia
Cheers for the constructive feedback - and for the sheer number of detailed reviews you did this round.
>>Monokeras >>Trick_Question
You two are lovely, you know that?
Well, it only took me 12 months to reach the finals of a round again.
The concept for the story was a warped version of the Mandela effect; a town in which everybody's past changed every day. The flimsy narrative background for it was that occurs before Celestia/Luna have defeated Discord, or afterwards, but in a small remaining pocket of chaos that nobody's noticed; the references to a broken sky were in that vein. Each and every day, everybody's memories - and the town itself - changes, and the inhabitants slowly forget their multitude of pasts, to the point where the only thing they're able to consistently remember is that the Sisters left them there.
To everybody who found the story too vague - you're right. It was.The idea would probably be better befitting a short story round, where I could flesh out the characters, and explore the effects of the setting on them and their relationships, rather than two flimsy introductory scenes leading into 400 words of exposition dump. Vagueness in general is a recurring problem for me; I think part of the answer might be dedicating more time to working on the story. I wasn't intending to enter this round at all, but the prompt matched an idea, and I probably needed a break from that report anyway, right?
Thank you for all of your reviews.
>>PaulAsaran
Thanks for the kind words! It's gotten to the point where I'm worried of a positive review from you, because it means I've written too vaguely for the rest of the write-off :P .
>>Light_Striker
I wish it did something other than just be a snow globe, though.
Nice way of phrasing it.
>>Chris
Thanks for the constructive feedback; it was quite helpful. Great to have you back!
>>Posh
These characters are living out Starlight Glimmer's attempts at changing reality. And they remember it every time the universe changes.
Now that would be an interesting change to the premise; it'd definitely ground it more firmly in the events of the show.
>>Ranmilia
Cheers for the constructive feedback - and for the sheer number of detailed reviews you did this round.
>>Monokeras >>Trick_Question
You two are lovely, you know that?
Structural Faults
Retrospective
Firstly, thanks >>Chris, >>Posh, >>Light_Striker, >>Bachiavellian, >>Caliaponia, >>Xepher, >>eusocialdragon, >>Ranmilia, >>Monokeras and >>AndrewRogue for all of your feedback and comments. There's so much to sift through here, and I'm sure that most, if not all, of it will help me develop this story (and my writing) in a positive direction. I appreciate you taking the time to help me do so.
Like my other submission, the interpretation of the prompt wasn't cryptic or subtle; ostensibly, this minific is about how we can shy away from the splinters and creeping undergrowth in our relationships, rather than doing the more immediately unpleasant act of confronting them, and the harm that this can cause in the long term. Obvious metaphor is obvious, though I hope that I wasn't to heavy handed with it.
Again, some broad themes were noted in the feedback:
It's not a crackship, I swear!
This seemed to be one of the main contentious parts of the fic, and in some cases caused enough disquiet to hamper readers enjoyment of the narrative. I honestly didn't roll a pair of dice and consult a character matrix for this, though I do like to look at pairs of characters from the show and think about how their traits and backgrounds can be moulded to build a believable relationship. I think there's a lot of potential between these characters, not only because their personalities mesh quite well, but because you can invent silly little scenarios like Moon Dancer becoming fascinated with griffon culture and deciding to study them, and then falling for one because said griffon happened to be attempting this whole friendship lark and offered out her spare room.
A heavy handed backstory
Yeah, I can kinda see this a little more now. I'll tell you what, though, this was a light touch compared to my previous draft! I imagine expanding this piece will give me the room I need to incorporate these elements in a less overt way.
Crisis? What crisis?
A few of you identified that there wasn't enough clarity behind the conflict to become emotionally invested in the piece, or that the underlying motivations were somewhat out of focus. I think these are fair points to raise. I attempted to present a relationship that was in a state of conflict due to the accumulation of lots of different issues, with the problem being discussed in the narrative itself being the latest. I also tried to suggest some more specific issues Gilda had with Moon Dancer's success (the book resulting from her years of study is due to be launched to great acclaim) and how this might overshadow her own contributions (to the relationship? To griffonkind?) and self-perception.
Yeah, so maybe that was all a little ambitious for a 750 word minific. I'd like to think that I got the core of the above in there, but I will have to concede that the cram probably lessened the impact of each element. I can only apologise for that.
Potential?
A couple of comments suggested that there is the potential of developing that central premise (Moon Dancer's work and its impact on a great many different things) further. It certainly holds appeal to me, though would require me to overcome my usual anxiety about messing about with a relatively complete minific. It's something I will definitely be giving some thought to, however, as I have a lot of love for this piece.
I think that was probably most of what I wanted to capture here, though if I've forgotten anything I'll be sure to address it. Thanks again for taking the time to read my work and give such useful feedback. I really appreciate it.
>>Trick_Question
I suspect the pee pee story will remain a tough sell for thematic/audience reasons, but I hope it does resurface, because its discomforting aspects help it explore the masks (and/or pants) we wear within society.
I suspect the pee pee story will remain a tough sell for thematic/audience reasons, but I hope it does resurface, because its discomforting aspects help it explore the masks (and/or pants) we wear within society.
Darn you, GroaningGreyAgony! Darn you to heck in a handbasket!
...
*cough*
I mean, congrats to the winners! This was certainly one of the more interesting WriteOffs I've been in, and not just because of how I placed this time around. Reminds me why I enjoy these things so much. I suppose it's time I did this retrospective thingamajig that all the 'cool' kids are up to these days.
>>Light_Striker >>Haze >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>CoffeeMinion >>Xepher >>eusocialdragon >>JudgeDeadd >>Posh >>Monokeras >>Ranmilia >>Aragon >>FrontSevens >>AndrewRogue
You know what they say about not doing your first story, but skipping to the next idea? Well, here you go. Ticks and Tocks was the second story I wrote for this Writeoff, and it did far better than I expected. By sheer coincidence, I had just finished reading Hoopy McGee's The Keepers of Discord and Feather Sigil's I Am Chaos for my weekly review blog when this Writeoff was started, and both served as inspiration for this. I got to wondering about what chaos is and what Discord might be going through trying to keep his natural self in check after his 'reformation.' This story was little more than a free flow of of me imagining that.
The story ended up both delighting and frustrating me. Delighting me because I liked this one about 10X more than The Last One, and frustrating me because for the first, say, 4 days of the Writeoff it seemed to be completely ignored. It was the Writeoff equivalent of watching the whimpy one shot you wrote in an hour get 5,000 views in a week while the epic masterpiece you toiled on for six months sits in the shadows earning a measly 100 (you all know that feeling, right?). Still, when the reviews finally started coming I was nothing short of delighted by the back-and-forth opinions and views it brought forward. It's the kind of feedback I wish I could get in all my stories.
Speaking of...
>>Light_Striker
Glad you approved of it! It's a shame you didn't care for my 'Kilequinjaro' ponification, though; I was rather pleased when I came up with that. Am I to assume that you'd have preferred Discord and Fluttershy being recognizable from the very first sentence? I know some critics demand something like that.
>>Haze
Funny, I didn't think of this as ambitious at all when I wrote it. And I consider myself pretty ambitious, at least when it comes to writing.
It's interesting to see two very different interpretations of Discord's situation like this. I have no intention of sharing which one I intended, but it still fascinates me that people can see things from a perspective I never anticipated.
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
Glad you liked it! I think I see what you're getting at with 'cluttered at the end'. Any suggestions on how I might fix that?
>>CoffeeMinion
Happy to know my interpretation of the situation (this time) meets with your approval!
>>Xepher
No doubt it's interpretations like these that ruined my chances this Writeoff, but it's fascinating that you took it so very far from what I intended. That being said, I can definitely see how you came to the conclusions you did, and will have to keep it in mind for any later scenes I may write with Discord. Perhaps if I avoided the more violent imagery, but I do have a habit of going darker than the average joe wants their ponefic.
>>eusocialdragon
And behold, the inevitable comment that comes out of nowhere and makes you think "How the heck did I not notice this?" One part of me thinks it's close enough to not really matter, and the other is banging his head against the wall because, darn it, you're right.
Oh well. I've always had trouble seeing those kinds of details until it's too late.
>>JudgeDeadd
Huh. Celestia wasn't anywhere in my mind when I wrote this, but I can see how some people would jump to that conclusion without a bit of guidance. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't make some sort of early change for the FimFic variant.
>>Posh
Actually, it's not my personal headcanon either. I like to come up with different backgrounds for different stories, which inevitably means altering the characters in ways that I don't actually believe in but may make for (what I hope is) interesting material.
>>Monokeras
A memory of his former life? Hmm... *jots down for notes for FimFic version*
Truth be told, I very rarely consider Discord, which is probably more of a bad thing than good for my stories. In fact, I'm not sure I can say I have a solid headcanon developed for him even after all this time.
>>Ranmilia
Honestly? I always thought that my ability to write Discord was nonexistent. As such, your criticism neither surprises me nor bothers me. I mean, someone was going to mention it, I was sure. Such commentary is certainly valid.
But at the same time, I can see >>Aragon's and >>FrontSevens's points as well. Some people just don't like the weird styles of stories like From That Day Forth, God's Hand Was Orange. Or, for a bigger example of writing styles gone weird, Eric Basso's The Beak Doctor. Many people prefer the organized writing regardless of who the narrator might be, and that's something that boils down to personal preference. I would also support the argument that the narrative creates the atmosphere of the piece, and while it may be possible to gain the same atmosphere in a less traditional style, I question my capacity to do so without putting forth a lot more effort than I had time to offer.
From that perspective, it may be that my greatest error was in making this 100% from Discord's perspective. Were I to keep it truly 'Discord,' I fully agree that screwing around with the traditional narrative style would have been apropos, but I made no attempt to do so. By keeping the narrative entirely in Discord's head, I laid the foundation for your complaints to have legitimacy, and that's entirely on me, even if not everyone agrees with them. Having read and enjoyed a few stories with strange narrative styles in my time, I can certainly appreciate the argument.
>>AndrewRogue
Interesting, another who took the story in a direction I never intended it to go. Clearly that's my bad for using darker imagery than was necessarily needed. I have a tendency to do that.
I think I'll hold off on doing one of these for The Last One, but only due to how long it took to write this one. Perhaps I'll produce that tomorrow. In the meantime, my heartfelt appreciation to everyone who commented and argued over my story. Thanks for making this the single most interesting entry I've had the pleasure of watching!
...
*cough*
I mean, congrats to the winners! This was certainly one of the more interesting WriteOffs I've been in, and not just because of how I placed this time around. Reminds me why I enjoy these things so much. I suppose it's time I did this retrospective thingamajig that all the 'cool' kids are up to these days.
>>Light_Striker >>Haze >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>CoffeeMinion >>Xepher >>eusocialdragon >>JudgeDeadd >>Posh >>Monokeras >>Ranmilia >>Aragon >>FrontSevens >>AndrewRogue
Ticks and Tocks
You know what they say about not doing your first story, but skipping to the next idea? Well, here you go. Ticks and Tocks was the second story I wrote for this Writeoff, and it did far better than I expected. By sheer coincidence, I had just finished reading Hoopy McGee's The Keepers of Discord and Feather Sigil's I Am Chaos for my weekly review blog when this Writeoff was started, and both served as inspiration for this. I got to wondering about what chaos is and what Discord might be going through trying to keep his natural self in check after his 'reformation.' This story was little more than a free flow of of me imagining that.
The story ended up both delighting and frustrating me. Delighting me because I liked this one about 10X more than The Last One, and frustrating me because for the first, say, 4 days of the Writeoff it seemed to be completely ignored. It was the Writeoff equivalent of watching the whimpy one shot you wrote in an hour get 5,000 views in a week while the epic masterpiece you toiled on for six months sits in the shadows earning a measly 100 (you all know that feeling, right?). Still, when the reviews finally started coming I was nothing short of delighted by the back-and-forth opinions and views it brought forward. It's the kind of feedback I wish I could get in all my stories.
Speaking of...
>>Light_Striker
Glad you approved of it! It's a shame you didn't care for my 'Kilequinjaro' ponification, though; I was rather pleased when I came up with that. Am I to assume that you'd have preferred Discord and Fluttershy being recognizable from the very first sentence? I know some critics demand something like that.
>>Haze
Funny, I didn't think of this as ambitious at all when I wrote it. And I consider myself pretty ambitious, at least when it comes to writing.
It's interesting to see two very different interpretations of Discord's situation like this. I have no intention of sharing which one I intended, but it still fascinates me that people can see things from a perspective I never anticipated.
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
Glad you liked it! I think I see what you're getting at with 'cluttered at the end'. Any suggestions on how I might fix that?
>>CoffeeMinion
Happy to know my interpretation of the situation (this time) meets with your approval!
>>Xepher
No doubt it's interpretations like these that ruined my chances this Writeoff, but it's fascinating that you took it so very far from what I intended. That being said, I can definitely see how you came to the conclusions you did, and will have to keep it in mind for any later scenes I may write with Discord. Perhaps if I avoided the more violent imagery, but I do have a habit of going darker than the average joe wants their ponefic.
>>eusocialdragon
And behold, the inevitable comment that comes out of nowhere and makes you think "How the heck did I not notice this?" One part of me thinks it's close enough to not really matter, and the other is banging his head against the wall because, darn it, you're right.
Oh well. I've always had trouble seeing those kinds of details until it's too late.
>>JudgeDeadd
Huh. Celestia wasn't anywhere in my mind when I wrote this, but I can see how some people would jump to that conclusion without a bit of guidance. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't make some sort of early change for the FimFic variant.
>>Posh
Actually, it's not my personal headcanon either. I like to come up with different backgrounds for different stories, which inevitably means altering the characters in ways that I don't actually believe in but may make for (what I hope is) interesting material.
>>Monokeras
A memory of his former life? Hmm... *jots down for notes for FimFic version*
Truth be told, I very rarely consider Discord, which is probably more of a bad thing than good for my stories. In fact, I'm not sure I can say I have a solid headcanon developed for him even after all this time.
>>Ranmilia
Honestly? I always thought that my ability to write Discord was nonexistent. As such, your criticism neither surprises me nor bothers me. I mean, someone was going to mention it, I was sure. Such commentary is certainly valid.
But at the same time, I can see >>Aragon's and >>FrontSevens's points as well. Some people just don't like the weird styles of stories like From That Day Forth, God's Hand Was Orange. Or, for a bigger example of writing styles gone weird, Eric Basso's The Beak Doctor. Many people prefer the organized writing regardless of who the narrator might be, and that's something that boils down to personal preference. I would also support the argument that the narrative creates the atmosphere of the piece, and while it may be possible to gain the same atmosphere in a less traditional style, I question my capacity to do so without putting forth a lot more effort than I had time to offer.
From that perspective, it may be that my greatest error was in making this 100% from Discord's perspective. Were I to keep it truly 'Discord,' I fully agree that screwing around with the traditional narrative style would have been apropos, but I made no attempt to do so. By keeping the narrative entirely in Discord's head, I laid the foundation for your complaints to have legitimacy, and that's entirely on me, even if not everyone agrees with them. Having read and enjoyed a few stories with strange narrative styles in my time, I can certainly appreciate the argument.
>>AndrewRogue
Interesting, another who took the story in a direction I never intended it to go. Clearly that's my bad for using darker imagery than was necessarily needed. I have a tendency to do that.
I think I'll hold off on doing one of these for The Last One, but only due to how long it took to write this one. Perhaps I'll produce that tomorrow. In the meantime, my heartfelt appreciation to everyone who commented and argued over my story. Thanks for making this the single most interesting entry I've had the pleasure of watching!
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
But my favorite thing about this story was the trifecta of a cracked wall, a cracked relationship, and a crackship!
And even though you do a good job of justifying the relationship, I think it's still technically a crackship because it's an unusual combination. At least, that's how I see it. But I love a good crackship anyway.
In any case, I think that the story would have been a bit weaker in my mind if it had had a more normal ship, both because I don't care for most of the normal ships, and because of the extra crack it adds.
It's not a crackship, I swear!
But my favorite thing about this story was the trifecta of a cracked wall, a cracked relationship, and a crackship!
And even though you do a good job of justifying the relationship, I think it's still technically a crackship because it's an unusual combination. At least, that's how I see it. But I love a good crackship anyway.
In any case, I think that the story would have been a bit weaker in my mind if it had had a more normal ship, both because I don't care for most of the normal ships, and because of the extra crack it adds.
I wanted to do this retrospective and read and review the finalists before finals ended, but clearly that didn't happen. Well, I can still do the retrospective, at least.
New Book Who Dis Retrospective
The idea behind this story was basically what >>JudgeDeadd described. I started with the idea of Twilight ignoring Sunset/Humanland (which is basically canon), and thought about Sunset confronting her about it. Then I realized it could be fun to have Sunset meet Starlight instead, and then I thought of the joke that became the title, and then I had to write it.
Several people mentioned that the last line should have been signed. I seriously considered it while writing, but I felt that it had a bit more punch without it. I thought of that message as more of a text message while the rest were letters. I realized a few days too late that I should have written all of Starlight's messages like letters and all of Sunset's like texts. I think it would have been a cool effect.
And to be honest, the signatures are really only there to make sure that no one gets confused about who's writing what.
I was also a bit unsure about using the term "mind rape," and several people called me out on it. Yes, it's definitely out of place with the style of the show. But it is an accepted term in the real world, and even if it's not the most accurate description of Sunset's powers, it's not too far off. (Also, someone in the Discord chat used it to describe Sunset's power a day or two before I wrote this, so it was in my mind.) Maybe I should have called it "invasion of mental privacy" instead, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it. I'm open to suggestions though.
I'm a bit surprised that so many people latched onto the part about leaving Trixie and Discord in charge of Equestria's safety, though perhaps I shouldn't be. It certainly does sound like the premise of an entertaining story, though I just came up with it as a joke because I needed a way to end the story.
And yes, >>Fenton, there probably is a better joke I could have made, but this was the one I thought of, and I didn't have the time to come up with anything better.
On the whole, I'm quite happy with how this story turned out. Apparently I missed the cutoff for finals by 0.0062 points. I would ask if that was a record or something if it weren't for the fact that georg's entry managed to come even closer, missing finals by 0.00537 points.
And thank you to everyone who read and/or commented on this story!
>>Xepher
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Light_Striker
>>PaulAsaran
>>Fenton
>>Monokeras
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
But I think my favorite comment might be this one from Aragón on Discord:
I have never been so happy to get someone punched.
New Book Who Dis Retrospective
The idea behind this story was basically what >>JudgeDeadd described. I started with the idea of Twilight ignoring Sunset/Humanland (which is basically canon), and thought about Sunset confronting her about it. Then I realized it could be fun to have Sunset meet Starlight instead, and then I thought of the joke that became the title, and then I had to write it.
Several people mentioned that the last line should have been signed. I seriously considered it while writing, but I felt that it had a bit more punch without it. I thought of that message as more of a text message while the rest were letters. I realized a few days too late that I should have written all of Starlight's messages like letters and all of Sunset's like texts. I think it would have been a cool effect.
And to be honest, the signatures are really only there to make sure that no one gets confused about who's writing what.
I was also a bit unsure about using the term "mind rape," and several people called me out on it. Yes, it's definitely out of place with the style of the show. But it is an accepted term in the real world, and even if it's not the most accurate description of Sunset's powers, it's not too far off. (Also, someone in the Discord chat used it to describe Sunset's power a day or two before I wrote this, so it was in my mind.) Maybe I should have called it "invasion of mental privacy" instead, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it. I'm open to suggestions though.
I'm a bit surprised that so many people latched onto the part about leaving Trixie and Discord in charge of Equestria's safety, though perhaps I shouldn't be. It certainly does sound like the premise of an entertaining story, though I just came up with it as a joke because I needed a way to end the story.
And yes, >>Fenton, there probably is a better joke I could have made, but this was the one I thought of, and I didn't have the time to come up with anything better.
On the whole, I'm quite happy with how this story turned out. Apparently I missed the cutoff for finals by 0.0062 points. I would ask if that was a record or something if it weren't for the fact that georg's entry managed to come even closer, missing finals by 0.00537 points.
And thank you to everyone who read and/or commented on this story!
>>Xepher
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Light_Striker
>>PaulAsaran
>>Fenton
>>Monokeras
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
But I think my favorite comment might be this one from Aragón on Discord:
yeah I'm reading just my ballot first
and then whichever grabs my attention best with the title
so no 'new book who dis' because fuck whoever wrote that title oh my god
that sounds like majin
I'm going to punch majin even if he didn't do it
(nah for real, it's attention-grabbing, so good for that)
(but too memey for my tastes)
(kinda tacky)
I have never been so happy to get someone punched.
First off, congrats to CD and GGA! All three of your collective fics were strong entries. Also, shoutout to Everyday for writing my personal favorite fic, at least of the ones I read. Apologies for not reviewing it, but I read a bunch of fics at the last minute and didn't have either the time, or much to say that hadn't been covered by other reviewers, by then. And most broadly, thanks to everyone for entering and reviewing!
And speaking of other peoples' reviewing, it's time to talk about the most important of things: MY fic. That's right, let's do...
To Be Forgotten: A Retrospective
This story started out significantly over the word limit, and I had to trim it back significantly to make the wordcount limit. That almost always happens to me, and it almost always results in a stronger fic than I would otherwise have put out. It's one of the reasons I like minific rounds; they encourage me to take a scalpel to fics, and find the digressions and needless throw-ins that I might otherwise not even notice.
In the case of this fic, though, I was able to cut it down to a bit over 900 words without too much trouble... but getting rid of the last 250 words was a challenge, and I think the end result suffered for it. That doesn't usually happen to me in a minific round. Anyway, the good news is that I'll be able to flesh this out a little more when I'm ready to publish it, whether on its own or in my minific collection, and that it held together well enough for most of you to enjoy it even as-written! Plus, I did cut a bunch of unnecessary words in order to make it to the word limit, so the process was still ultimately a beneficial one.
Now, on to the comments!
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Light_Striker
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Fenton
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>TitaniumDragon
>>eusocialdragon
>>PaulAsaran
Thank you all for taking the time to comment, and I'm glad you all enjoyed the story!
>>Misternick
>>Misternick
Thank you for taking the time to comment! I appreciate your thoughts, and I'll keep them in mind as I fill out this fic. But I'm going to have to respectfully parry "Words have actual real meanings" right back at you; you seem to be operating under some nonstandard definitions of both "immortal" and "remember." >>Light_Striker covered the former more than adequately--how it's arguably used more frequently to refer to a non-absolute state of continued existence than to a creature literally incapable of ever not being alive. And while "remember" is occasionally used in the absolute sense you're using it in, it's much more commonly used to indicate a certain level of familiarity. I wouldn't say that I "remember" Samuel Pepys, when all I know about him is his name and that he wrote a medieval diary.
But regardless, I would like to suggest, that you're looking for a level of specificity in this conversation which would have no place in a conversation. Lawyerly precision can be wonderful in certain contexts--but I think it would ill fit this particular dialogue.
Please don't take this to mean I'm blowing off your comments, though. I do appreciate that you had trouble picking up on what Tirek's situation entailed, and that's something I agree can be addressed. Thank you!
>>Foehn
*Headdesk* On the plus side, I'd have had to find one more word to cut without that typo...
Seriously though, thank you for the comments and the catch!
>>Monokeras
I must admit that I haven't read that fic, but given that it's Carabas, I wouldn't be at all shocked if he did the same idea better. I'll give it a look!
>>Cold in Gardez
>>georg
Glad you liked it! Also, fun fact for you two, and everyone who liked the ending: I originally conceived of this ending on a more open-ended note, but luckily realized early on that that wasn't satisfying. Tirek's one of the few legitimately evil characters the show's given us; ambiguity doesn't really suit him.
>>Ranmilia
Looks like this is twice (>>Ranmilia) that I've failed to impress you in a writeoff :( Sorry to have put together something that wasn't to your tastes for a second time; I guess I'll have to look at the stories you did praise the last few times, and see if I can't put together something you can enjoy next go-round!
>>AndrewRogue
I mean, 500 years is the gap from us to King Henry VIII. And other than him and perhaps a couple dozen other people... how many people from that time can you even name without resorting to google? You'll certainly leave out a whole heap of people who could legitimately have claimed to be among the most important and influential people in the world, at the time. Likewise, I wonder how big a deal will Tirek will really be a few hundred years on, when he's just another name on page 544 of some history book, under the heading "list of foes vanquished by Twilight Sparkle."
At least, that's my interpretation. I must admit that I tend to see things going all "Ozymandias" a little faster than many authors, but I feel like 500 years is a LONG time. Thanks for comment, and I'll keep that in mind when I revise!
And speaking of other peoples' reviewing, it's time to talk about the most important of things: MY fic. That's right, let's do...
To Be Forgotten: A Retrospective
This story started out significantly over the word limit, and I had to trim it back significantly to make the wordcount limit. That almost always happens to me, and it almost always results in a stronger fic than I would otherwise have put out. It's one of the reasons I like minific rounds; they encourage me to take a scalpel to fics, and find the digressions and needless throw-ins that I might otherwise not even notice.
In the case of this fic, though, I was able to cut it down to a bit over 900 words without too much trouble... but getting rid of the last 250 words was a challenge, and I think the end result suffered for it. That doesn't usually happen to me in a minific round. Anyway, the good news is that I'll be able to flesh this out a little more when I'm ready to publish it, whether on its own or in my minific collection, and that it held together well enough for most of you to enjoy it even as-written! Plus, I did cut a bunch of unnecessary words in order to make it to the word limit, so the process was still ultimately a beneficial one.
Now, on to the comments!
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Light_Striker
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Fenton
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>TitaniumDragon
>>eusocialdragon
>>PaulAsaran
Thank you all for taking the time to comment, and I'm glad you all enjoyed the story!
>>Misternick
>>Misternick
Thank you for taking the time to comment! I appreciate your thoughts, and I'll keep them in mind as I fill out this fic. But I'm going to have to respectfully parry "Words have actual real meanings" right back at you; you seem to be operating under some nonstandard definitions of both "immortal" and "remember." >>Light_Striker covered the former more than adequately--how it's arguably used more frequently to refer to a non-absolute state of continued existence than to a creature literally incapable of ever not being alive. And while "remember" is occasionally used in the absolute sense you're using it in, it's much more commonly used to indicate a certain level of familiarity. I wouldn't say that I "remember" Samuel Pepys, when all I know about him is his name and that he wrote a medieval diary.
But regardless, I would like to suggest, that you're looking for a level of specificity in this conversation which would have no place in a conversation. Lawyerly precision can be wonderful in certain contexts--but I think it would ill fit this particular dialogue.
Please don't take this to mean I'm blowing off your comments, though. I do appreciate that you had trouble picking up on what Tirek's situation entailed, and that's something I agree can be addressed. Thank you!
>>Foehn
Finally, picked up the book
*Headdesk* On the plus side, I'd have had to find one more word to cut without that typo...
Seriously though, thank you for the comments and the catch!
>>Monokeras
I must admit that I haven't read that fic, but given that it's Carabas, I wouldn't be at all shocked if he did the same idea better. I'll give it a look!
>>Cold in Gardez
>>georg
Glad you liked it! Also, fun fact for you two, and everyone who liked the ending: I originally conceived of this ending on a more open-ended note, but luckily realized early on that that wasn't satisfying. Tirek's one of the few legitimately evil characters the show's given us; ambiguity doesn't really suit him.
>>Ranmilia
Looks like this is twice (>>Ranmilia) that I've failed to impress you in a writeoff :( Sorry to have put together something that wasn't to your tastes for a second time; I guess I'll have to look at the stories you did praise the last few times, and see if I can't put together something you can enjoy next go-round!
>>AndrewRogue
I mean, 500 years is the gap from us to King Henry VIII. And other than him and perhaps a couple dozen other people... how many people from that time can you even name without resorting to google? You'll certainly leave out a whole heap of people who could legitimately have claimed to be among the most important and influential people in the world, at the time. Likewise, I wonder how big a deal will Tirek will really be a few hundred years on, when he's just another name on page 544 of some history book, under the heading "list of foes vanquished by Twilight Sparkle."
At least, that's my interpretation. I must admit that I tend to see things going all "Ozymandias" a little faster than many authors, but I feel like 500 years is a LONG time. Thanks for comment, and I'll keep that in mind when I revise!
Featherquest
First of all, congratulations to Ceffyl_Dwr, Chris, and GroaningGreyAgony. I'm also amused to see that I got the mortarboard this time.
As for my own little tale, I owe a debt of gratitude to >>Xepher, >>CoffeeMinion, >>Posh, >>Ceffyl_Dwr, >>Light_Striker, >>Fenton, >>TitaniumDragon, >>PaulAsaran, >>eusocialdragon, >>Monokeras, >>Ranmilia, and >>JudgeDeadd for your thoughtful feedback. That's the heart and soul of the writeoffs for me, so every post is greatly appreciated. Although there were some common elements, most critiques managed to have their own useful insights. Some were points I was aware of, but many offered perspectives I hadn't considered.
To cover the main point of feedback, though, as much as I would have liked to have a less predictable plot, despite racking my brain and coming up with half a dozen angles on interpreting the prompt, none of them wanted to gel into an actual story. Faced with a recalcitrant muse, I went with the uninspiring idea that I at least had some idea of a narrative for.
Funnily enough, I don't particularly mind preenfic, and though I've read some, I've never thought of them as a thing per-say. It's just that preening wouldn't have fit the prompt.
Regardless, I'm glad that the craftsmanship seems to have generally worked for readers, and gratified that the humor landed with at least a few. Despite being predictable and having portions in need of a tuneup, I am still pleased with how it turned out.
Thanks again everyone, and see you next round!
>>Ranmilia
Wow, guess I touched a nerve.
Seriously, though, I didn't kill a kid to "buy Writeoff sympathy votes."
I did it because it's a situation in which the characters are quite understandably shaken and the only thing they can do about it is take a course of action that fits the prompt: Ignore it, and eventually it will go away.
What Sunset knows and what Rainbow Dash discovers is jarring.
And there's no "why" to it. Some things are just that way. There's no rationale, no bigger purpose, no reason at all.
There is no meaning to reconcile and come to terms with.
One of the Sunsets is dead. That's just how it is and there's nothing to explain.
The narrative might have been more satisfying to those with itchy curiosity if I had explained how human-Shimmer died, but that wasn't the point. That wouldn't have addressed the prompt. I very deliberately stayed away from writing anything about that because it was a sidetrack that didn't take the real story anywhere.
It also might have been more satisfying for those who demand closure if I had given Sunset and Rainbow some sort of emotional process to work through to a tidy conclusion - the whole bit about denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, life goes on - but again, that's not the prompt, or the point. Or, as I saw it, even remotely realistic.
In circumstances like this, there's no pseudo-wisdom to wedge in that helps, or philosophical rationalizing that's just going to magically console everyone and make it better. Sunset and Rainbow talk, but don't get anywhere, because there's nowhere to get to.
I just wanted to capture that messy part of how things are sometimes in real life, because to me, that's what the prompt was just begging to deal with.
Wow, guess I touched a nerve.
Seriously, though, I didn't kill a kid to "buy Writeoff sympathy votes."
I did it because it's a situation in which the characters are quite understandably shaken and the only thing they can do about it is take a course of action that fits the prompt: Ignore it, and eventually it will go away.
What Sunset knows and what Rainbow Dash discovers is jarring.
And there's no "why" to it. Some things are just that way. There's no rationale, no bigger purpose, no reason at all.
There is no meaning to reconcile and come to terms with.
One of the Sunsets is dead. That's just how it is and there's nothing to explain.
The narrative might have been more satisfying to those with itchy curiosity if I had explained how human-Shimmer died, but that wasn't the point. That wouldn't have addressed the prompt. I very deliberately stayed away from writing anything about that because it was a sidetrack that didn't take the real story anywhere.
It also might have been more satisfying for those who demand closure if I had given Sunset and Rainbow some sort of emotional process to work through to a tidy conclusion - the whole bit about denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, life goes on - but again, that's not the prompt, or the point. Or, as I saw it, even remotely realistic.
In circumstances like this, there's no pseudo-wisdom to wedge in that helps, or philosophical rationalizing that's just going to magically console everyone and make it better. Sunset and Rainbow talk, but don't get anywhere, because there's nowhere to get to.
I just wanted to capture that messy part of how things are sometimes in real life, because to me, that's what the prompt was just begging to deal with.
>>Chris
Well, in all seriousness it's okay to blow me or anyone else off. It's your story and you can write it however you want. At the end of the day, as long as you're happy with your work who cares what some yahoo from the internet thinks?
Well, in all seriousness it's okay to blow me or anyone else off. It's your story and you can write it however you want. At the end of the day, as long as you're happy with your work who cares what some yahoo from the internet thinks?
A Pink Retrospective
Thanks to everyone who've read my story!
I only came up with the general concept a few hours before the deadline, and I guess that the (then-)recent Maud Pie episode inspired me to set this story around the Pie family. It's all pretty awkwardly crammed in; to get my ideas across, I had to cut off the corners from every scene and patch the resulting holes with hasty exposition. Also, I had absolutely no idea for the ending, at least one that wouldn't have taken up several hundred words. Hence why in the last paragraph I basically throw in the towel and write the equivalent of "Oh crap, out of words, let's just assume it all ended well, toodles!"
>>Xepher
Okay, let's put this out of the way... I've never heard of the Petriculture cycle, and any similarities are pure coincidence. As well as evidence that once you have Pinkie being a tulpa, coming up with the idea of Discord likewise being a tulpa is pretty much a no-brainer.
>>PaulAsaran
The Discord scene was something I kept because it provided me with a neat way to wrap up that nub of an ending; it gives Celestia a strong argument as to why should the Pies adopt Pinkie -- because otherwise bad-bad stuff will happen.
>>JudgeDeadd
Wow, where do you get off insulting other people's work like that? Where's your literary masterpiece, huh? Jerk.
>>CoffeeMinion
It's Maud. Obviously only best Pie could pull off something that spectacular. At least, that was my idea while I was writing. But now you got me thinking...
>>Fenton
Yeah, unfortunately. The fanfic's basically just an excuse to show off the idea, with Celestia being there solely to provide exposition; it almost feels like this is just a breathless concept pitch in story form. I can think of several ways to write the same concept in a more compelling way. Not sure if I'll ever be writing something longer based on this story (especially now that I know the basic concept's already been done.)
Thanks to everyone who've read my story!
I only came up with the general concept a few hours before the deadline, and I guess that the (then-)recent Maud Pie episode inspired me to set this story around the Pie family. It's all pretty awkwardly crammed in; to get my ideas across, I had to cut off the corners from every scene and patch the resulting holes with hasty exposition. Also, I had absolutely no idea for the ending, at least one that wouldn't have taken up several hundred words. Hence why in the last paragraph I basically throw in the towel and write the equivalent of "Oh crap, out of words, let's just assume it all ended well, toodles!"
>>Xepher
Okay, let's put this out of the way... I've never heard of the Petriculture cycle, and any similarities are pure coincidence. As well as evidence that once you have Pinkie being a tulpa, coming up with the idea of Discord likewise being a tulpa is pretty much a no-brainer.
>>PaulAsaran
The Discord scene was something I kept because it provided me with a neat way to wrap up that nub of an ending; it gives Celestia a strong argument as to why should the Pies adopt Pinkie -- because otherwise bad-bad stuff will happen.
>>JudgeDeadd
Wow, where do you get off insulting other people's work like that? Where's your literary masterpiece, huh? Jerk.
>>CoffeeMinion
It's Maud. Obviously only best Pie could pull off something that spectacular. At least, that was my idea while I was writing. But now you got me thinking...
>>Fenton
Yeah, unfortunately. The fanfic's basically just an excuse to show off the idea, with Celestia being there solely to provide exposition; it almost feels like this is just a breathless concept pitch in story form. I can think of several ways to write the same concept in a more compelling way. Not sure if I'll ever be writing something longer based on this story (especially now that I know the basic concept's already been done.)
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Fenton
>>Light_Striker
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Monokeras
>>PaulAsaran
>>Ranmilia
>>eusocialdragon
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks to everyone for commenting. As I noted myself in my own fake review... this needs some work. The intent was to have Twilight ignoring Fluttershy's death by walking away from it, but... walking in a circle, she eventually came back across it and couldn't ignore it any more. How I flubbed up that basic concept with over-explanation is something I'll blame on lack of sleep. :-P
The bunny rabbits thing... Yeah, sorry, not apologizing for that. I know it feels disjunct to some, but... that's exactly what Fluttershy is to me, and what I was aiming for. She's cute and fluffy, but amazingly serious and capable when it comes to things that matter: like sacrificing herself protecting innocents or her friends. The juxtaposition is meant to be uncomfortable for the reader as for the characters. You know you SHOULD be sad, but you can't stay upset too long with Fluttershy (or a reminder of her personality) right there in front of you.
Likewise, her last request to Angle wouldn't be anything for herself, it would be to watch after her friends... This really needed to be clearer. In my mind, it's Angel that takes that and makes it a more literal and martial. Likewise, the name, "Fluttershy's Revenge" is a name they acquired from their enemies, not Fluttershy.
Of course, none of that is at all adequately explained in the story, which is why it needs so much work.
>>Fenton
>>Light_Striker
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Monokeras
>>PaulAsaran
>>Ranmilia
>>eusocialdragon
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks to everyone for commenting. As I noted myself in my own fake review... this needs some work. The intent was to have Twilight ignoring Fluttershy's death by walking away from it, but... walking in a circle, she eventually came back across it and couldn't ignore it any more. How I flubbed up that basic concept with over-explanation is something I'll blame on lack of sleep. :-P
The bunny rabbits thing... Yeah, sorry, not apologizing for that. I know it feels disjunct to some, but... that's exactly what Fluttershy is to me, and what I was aiming for. She's cute and fluffy, but amazingly serious and capable when it comes to things that matter: like sacrificing herself protecting innocents or her friends. The juxtaposition is meant to be uncomfortable for the reader as for the characters. You know you SHOULD be sad, but you can't stay upset too long with Fluttershy (or a reminder of her personality) right there in front of you.
Likewise, her last request to Angle wouldn't be anything for herself, it would be to watch after her friends... This really needed to be clearer. In my mind, it's Angel that takes that and makes it a more literal and martial. Likewise, the name, "Fluttershy's Revenge" is a name they acquired from their enemies, not Fluttershy.
Of course, none of that is at all adequately explained in the story, which is why it needs so much work.
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Chryssi
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Light_Striker
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
>>Aragon
>>Misternick
>>Xepher
>>Fenton
>>eusocialdragon
>>AndrewRogue
>>georg
>>JudgeDeadd
I'm slow on the turnaround but thanks for commentary!
Really, to sum it up nice and simple : I was on vacation, wanted to do an entry, start the poetry segment as stream of consciousness, decide that's not working - and then just deciding to let whatever happens happen.
So uhm - not exactly a trollfic so much as 'Speedfic Rushjob' to actually enter something, and the bits on literary analysis and meta-commentary that people found, while awesome, were not intentional but I am glad it accidentally had depth for some readers!
>>Chryssi
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Light_Striker
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
>>Aragon
>>Misternick
>>Xepher
>>Fenton
>>eusocialdragon
>>AndrewRogue
>>georg
>>JudgeDeadd
I'm slow on the turnaround but thanks for commentary!
Really, to sum it up nice and simple : I was on vacation, wanted to do an entry, start the poetry segment as stream of consciousness, decide that's not working - and then just deciding to let whatever happens happen.
So uhm - not exactly a trollfic so much as 'Speedfic Rushjob' to actually enter something, and the bits on literary analysis and meta-commentary that people found, while awesome, were not intentional but I am glad it accidentally had depth for some readers!
Now that the contest is over (and I have some free time) I can finally reply to you all!
>>Chryssi
EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYUUUUUPPPPP.
I think I invented a whole new language, just so I could swear correctly. Guess this is what happens when you do shift work AND do overtime nearly every day :-/
>>Xepher
Uber-meta approach was not on purpose :-( Parts of the bad writing WERE on purpose, but not as much as I think you think they were, making it, like, 25% on purpose.
>>PaulAsaran
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>JudgeDeadd
Thanks! :-)
>>Fenton
Didn't save this for a non-pony round because my brain automatically skipped the MLP part of the contest :-( I'm sad about this too.
>>Light_Striker
From a Doylist point of view, that would defeat the whole point of the character (also, see the fact that the main character's immunity also works on mind-control). From a Watsonian point of view, it's certainly been tried before, and it didn't work. Or it didn't work consistently enough to be safe.
>>CoffeeMinion
Thank you! And yeah, this a complete and honest blunder: the fact that it placed as it did is...correct, I guess? I'm unsure of what word to use.
>>Ranmilia
You are correct! As a concept, this started out as Worm fanfiction (and I have in fact posted it elsewhere, with names, events and organizations, on a different site).
Although I'm not sure what you're talking about, with
I've only found Worm fanfic on one site, and it's a very, very small fandom :-/ Where else is it, so I can read it?
And I chose those particular generic popular media titles on purpose, because I wanted to convey to the reader the idea that the character is not reading for pleasure, but out of obligation, and that all the titles have been chosen by committee (in fact, the character has probably had to wait a long time for the approval to read some titles instead of others, based on "expert opinion" and other such things").
>>Chryssi
EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYUUUUUPPPPP.
I think I invented a whole new language, just so I could swear correctly. Guess this is what happens when you do shift work AND do overtime nearly every day :-/
>>Xepher
Uber-meta approach was not on purpose :-( Parts of the bad writing WERE on purpose, but not as much as I think you think they were, making it, like, 25% on purpose.
>>PaulAsaran
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>JudgeDeadd
Thanks! :-)
>>Fenton
Didn't save this for a non-pony round because my brain automatically skipped the MLP part of the contest :-( I'm sad about this too.
>>Light_Striker
From a Doylist point of view, that would defeat the whole point of the character (also, see the fact that the main character's immunity also works on mind-control). From a Watsonian point of view, it's certainly been tried before, and it didn't work. Or it didn't work consistently enough to be safe.
>>CoffeeMinion
Thank you! And yeah, this a complete and honest blunder: the fact that it placed as it did is...correct, I guess? I'm unsure of what word to use.
>>Ranmilia
You are correct! As a concept, this started out as Worm fanfiction (and I have in fact posted it elsewhere, with names, events and organizations, on a different site).
Although I'm not sure what you're talking about, with
Even here, the dread spectre of Wormfic reaches out with its icy talons. We cannot escape. We can never escape.
I've only found Worm fanfic on one site, and it's a very, very small fandom :-/ Where else is it, so I can read it?
And I chose those particular generic popular media titles on purpose, because I wanted to convey to the reader the idea that the character is not reading for pleasure, but out of obligation, and that all the titles have been chosen by committee (in fact, the character has probably had to wait a long time for the approval to read some titles instead of others, based on "expert opinion" and other such things").
Right, I should comment on this.
Uh... real talk, basically read Ran's review for a pretty excellent summary of this fic. I set out with pretty simple aspirations (do a basic mane character shipfic), except with the very mild inversion of not forcing a happy ending. AJ/Rarity fit here nicely because it's like, my 3rd favorite ship and it allows at least a little play with AJ being the element of honesty.
And that's it, really.
Fun fact: I literally fell asleep every couple sentences trying to edit this. I am amazed it is coherent.
Whoops. And forgot the important part here! Thank you all for your lovely comments!
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Light_Striker
>>Haze
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Trick_Question
>>The_Letter_J
>>Xepher
>>Monokeras
>>Posh
>>eusocialdragon
>>Ranmilia
Uh... real talk, basically read Ran's review for a pretty excellent summary of this fic. I set out with pretty simple aspirations (do a basic mane character shipfic), except with the very mild inversion of not forcing a happy ending. AJ/Rarity fit here nicely because it's like, my 3rd favorite ship and it allows at least a little play with AJ being the element of honesty.
And that's it, really.
Fun fact: I literally fell asleep every couple sentences trying to edit this. I am amazed it is coherent.
Whoops. And forgot the important part here! Thank you all for your lovely comments!
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Light_Striker
>>Haze
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Trick_Question
>>The_Letter_J
>>Xepher
>>Monokeras
>>Posh
>>eusocialdragon
>>Ranmilia
>>devas
Hey, sorry I didn't get to this earlier!
https://forums.spacebattles.com/forums/creative-writing.18/
https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/forums/user-fiction.2/
These two very large forums have a LOT of Worm fanfic on them. So much so that spacebattles made an entire subforum just so that people who complained about Worm everywhere could filter it out of their viewing. I believe it's pretty popular on Archive of Our Own, too. (The dread spectre line was a joke, though, I have no objections to Wormfic and think Spacebattles shouldn't have caved to the haters. Cheers!)
Hey, sorry I didn't get to this earlier!
https://forums.spacebattles.com/forums/creative-writing.18/
https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/forums/user-fiction.2/
These two very large forums have a LOT of Worm fanfic on them. So much so that spacebattles made an entire subforum just so that people who complained about Worm everywhere could filter it out of their viewing. I believe it's pretty popular on Archive of Our Own, too. (The dread spectre line was a joke, though, I have no objections to Wormfic and think Spacebattles shouldn't have caved to the haters. Cheers!)