Huh. Not bad for a dumb thing I wrote at 9 AM in about an hour after over a day without sleep and no coffee. In a genre I have virtually no experience in, which definitely shows. Still, the fact I got anyone to even chuckle is more than enough for me. Thank you to everyone who commented; I think it's fairly clear what I need to work on.

With that out of the way, hello everybody! I'm RB, this was my first Writeoff, and I'm sorry to inform you that you may have to put up with me on occasion in the future.

This starts off feeling like the setup for some absurd dark comedy, and then abruptly changes into something else right before the punchline, and I don't think it works. Some of the dialogue is janky, too. I'm sorry, author, but this one isn't for me.

Not enough story in this story.
The sad truth is, a lot of the things that people brought up were things that were supposed to be in the story. But... I don't want to give the excuse of not having much time, so I won't. My fault, folks. Thank you for your comments, regardless.

The idea was that most of the crew went into the adventure because of their faith in and respect for the captain. Silver, despite his immense loyalty, is the only one to question the plan. In the scene where the narrator stumbles back to the boat from the tavern, Silver has just come up from meeting with some of the crew, the crew that later mutinies with him.

>>Fenton
Missed that! Probably should have been, "But if he was cheating I couldn't say how."

>>Ranmilia

characters are cute even though most of them are cameos with joke names

Erm... If they are, it was fully unintentional. The only one I see really was Silver, and that was coincidental; I just figured anyone named 'Silimus' would want a nickname. Most of the silliness for the names came from liking the name 'Hadderflash' a bit too much and just running with it.

>>Pearple_Prose
I'm glad you enjoyed the style, at least; I rather like writing in it.

I liked this a lot, but I wish there was more to it. Pinkie's little secret alone doesn't quite feel like enough to convince Tempest to stay.
Perhaps later, with more time and more space, this could be made to really shine.

A fantastic portrayal of something utterly alien. Getting through the beginning was rough, as to be expected, but as the fic went on it got easier and easier to understand what was happening. Great job.

There's a little bit of inconsistency I noticed with the character's origins:

Back in ‘47, when we first came to Viscera, there was my dad, my momma, and then there was little me tagging along with them.

So, she's not from Viscera originally... except

...‘cause sometimes I think the people born in Viscera are really the sane ones. I mean, the only two people I know who weren’t are...

and other lines imply she is. And then, the history of Viscera is sorta presented with the sort of familiarity it would if she was there for it, I felt? These threw me off a bit as I was reading. I'm also having a hard time figuring out what her age is supposed to be, since at the very beginning she sounds young, but for the rest of it she sounds more like she's a teen, but Ego I assume is an adult if he has a medical license? Might just be me.

This is a really neat little ecosystem you've got here; I just wish we got to see more of it.