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The Bliss of Ignorance
As long as I'm not paying attention to it, it can't hurt me.
That is my power.
And I do mean “can't hurt me” in its most absolute sense: during testing, they had Hyperman punch me, using his full strength!
I only noticed because the resulting shock wave broke the projector which they'd set up to show me the Star Wars films.
It's broad, too: when Mentalmind tried to brainwash me, she said that it was like trying to climb a mirror, all because she was wearing a suit and tie and I hadn't recognized her.
Plagues, acids, black holes, airborne toxins...none of them touch me, if I don't know about them or if I have a good book in my hand.
It's not the weirdest or most inconvenient power out there-I think that Manjaw, in Missouri, can enlarge any one of his body parts by a factor of ten, but only one at a time-but it's certainly situational.
And it leaves me wondering, a lot of the time, what the hell is happening around me, even as I know that I should really, really, take my curiosity and shove it where the sun don't shine, for the safety of myself and others.
Case in point: I might have accidentally wandered inside the insta-kill radius of Polyphemus the fire Tyrant, fifteen minutes ago, and didn't notice aside from some heartburn.
And the corpses, of course.
Costumed corpses, young corpses, old corpses, corpses burned from the inside out and the outside in, corpses of mothers trying in vain to protect their children...oh, cool, Breaking Bad just finished downloading on my tablet! Imma binge on it right now.
Oh, Walter White, you delightful scamp. You think you're such a monster when your kill count is barely in the double digits. You're adorable.
A persistent buzzing comes from my pocket, and I pause the show to take out my Iphone and check my emails.
Oh, dammit, it's the Feds. I can't just shrug this off and ignore it.
Being a government sanctioned super hero does come with a lot of perks-my paycheck is in the six digits, for one, and doing good deeds warms my heart deep down inside, but it does mean I have to actually follow orders and do what I'm told most of the time.
It's very impractical for me to actually go out and fight villains-Dreadlord had hurt me by simply putting on a drag costume, and then punting me in a wall and breaking most of my ribs.
Which was...bad. Even after I was healed, I didn't get out of my apartment for a couple of mont-oh, hey, I'm getting bored. Let's switch to the newest Game of Thrones novel. I was in the middle of yet another food porn description, but the smell of burning meat is making me peckish. Wonder what's cooking.
Anyway, it does mean I'm pretty phenomenal at search-and-rescue in extremely hazardous environments, as long as someone can be on the line to tell me where to go and what to do while I listen to a podcast.
So I climb over some rubble to where the daughter of somebody important is lying mangled among the ruins of a house and put on a porn video for a quick boost in my tunnel vision.
I actually get very bored, very quickly by porn these days, but it's still occasionally useful for a quick distraction-oh dammit, lady, your screaming is not helping with my concentration, and just because your leg is now just so much hamburger right now it doesn't mean putting us both in danger is a good ide-oh. It looks like the roof of the former house we were in broke on my head.
Well, the girl is still alive (even if as white as a sheet), so yay me.
Tablet is busted, though, so I take out my holdout mp3 player and put on an audiobook. Her iron grip on me stops bothering me soon enough.
At the medical camp, I drop off the girl easily enough, and then take a look around to take stock of things.
There's long rows of body bags on one side. All the people I couldn't save.
My gut churns for a moment, and then I take out the replacement tablet I'd been given by someone and go on my favorite fanfiction site.
As long as I'm not paying attention to it, it can't hurt me.
That is my power.
And I do mean “can't hurt me” in its most absolute sense: during testing, they had Hyperman punch me, using his full strength!
I only noticed because the resulting shock wave broke the projector which they'd set up to show me the Star Wars films.
It's broad, too: when Mentalmind tried to brainwash me, she said that it was like trying to climb a mirror, all because she was wearing a suit and tie and I hadn't recognized her.
Plagues, acids, black holes, airborne toxins...none of them touch me, if I don't know about them or if I have a good book in my hand.
It's not the weirdest or most inconvenient power out there-I think that Manjaw, in Missouri, can enlarge any one of his body parts by a factor of ten, but only one at a time-but it's certainly situational.
And it leaves me wondering, a lot of the time, what the hell is happening around me, even as I know that I should really, really, take my curiosity and shove it where the sun don't shine, for the safety of myself and others.
Case in point: I might have accidentally wandered inside the insta-kill radius of Polyphemus the fire Tyrant, fifteen minutes ago, and didn't notice aside from some heartburn.
And the corpses, of course.
Costumed corpses, young corpses, old corpses, corpses burned from the inside out and the outside in, corpses of mothers trying in vain to protect their children...oh, cool, Breaking Bad just finished downloading on my tablet! Imma binge on it right now.
Oh, Walter White, you delightful scamp. You think you're such a monster when your kill count is barely in the double digits. You're adorable.
A persistent buzzing comes from my pocket, and I pause the show to take out my Iphone and check my emails.
Oh, dammit, it's the Feds. I can't just shrug this off and ignore it.
Being a government sanctioned super hero does come with a lot of perks-my paycheck is in the six digits, for one, and doing good deeds warms my heart deep down inside, but it does mean I have to actually follow orders and do what I'm told most of the time.
It's very impractical for me to actually go out and fight villains-Dreadlord had hurt me by simply putting on a drag costume, and then punting me in a wall and breaking most of my ribs.
Which was...bad. Even after I was healed, I didn't get out of my apartment for a couple of mont-oh, hey, I'm getting bored. Let's switch to the newest Game of Thrones novel. I was in the middle of yet another food porn description, but the smell of burning meat is making me peckish. Wonder what's cooking.
Anyway, it does mean I'm pretty phenomenal at search-and-rescue in extremely hazardous environments, as long as someone can be on the line to tell me where to go and what to do while I listen to a podcast.
So I climb over some rubble to where the daughter of somebody important is lying mangled among the ruins of a house and put on a porn video for a quick boost in my tunnel vision.
I actually get very bored, very quickly by porn these days, but it's still occasionally useful for a quick distraction-oh dammit, lady, your screaming is not helping with my concentration, and just because your leg is now just so much hamburger right now it doesn't mean putting us both in danger is a good ide-oh. It looks like the roof of the former house we were in broke on my head.
Well, the girl is still alive (even if as white as a sheet), so yay me.
Tablet is busted, though, so I take out my holdout mp3 player and put on an audiobook. Her iron grip on me stops bothering me soon enough.
At the medical camp, I drop off the girl easily enough, and then take a look around to take stock of things.
There's long rows of body bags on one side. All the people I couldn't save.
My gut churns for a moment, and then I take out the replacement tablet I'd been given by someone and go on my favorite fanfiction site.
As long as I'm not paying attention to it, it can't hurt me.
10 points for the uber-meta approach to the prompt. Minus 50 DKP for not being ponyfic.
But despite scoring you out for not writing MLP, I'll still give a quick review on the story as is.
So as noted, uber-meta, and I have to applaud the excuse for bad writing. First person stream-of-consciousness that goes nowhere is bad (and boring) writing. But... you managed to make it in-universe justified by the explanation of distraction. So yeah, props for stunt-writing here, and also, A.D.D. as a super-power. Your ending is also quite clever, doubling-down with a different meaning of "hurt." Very nice one-two punch there.
Overall, I can't quite say I "enjoyed" this, but as it was super short, I respect the cleverness that is on display, and that's almost as good.
But despite scoring you out for not writing MLP, I'll still give a quick review on the story as is.
So as noted, uber-meta, and I have to applaud the excuse for bad writing. First person stream-of-consciousness that goes nowhere is bad (and boring) writing. But... you managed to make it in-universe justified by the explanation of distraction. So yeah, props for stunt-writing here, and also, A.D.D. as a super-power. Your ending is also quite clever, doubling-down with a different meaning of "hurt." Very nice one-two punch there.
Overall, I can't quite say I "enjoyed" this, but as it was super short, I respect the cleverness that is on display, and that's almost as good.
I liked this. It's quick, to the point and utilizes oddball writing effectively for its needs. Alas, it's not at all MLP related, which is certain to doom it as far as the Writeoff goes, but still, fun.
While a pretty good story, it's sadly not MLP related at all. And since it's an MLP round, that makes it die for me.
Why? Why didn't you save this for a non pony round?
All my praises for the story are exactly what >>Xepher said. Very clever premise that you delivered without getting me confused. The superpower is explained right at the beginning and the rest of the story just shows us how it works in a real situation.
The story is excellent but because it's not ponies, I'll have to rank it very low and that makes me sad.
However, I wonder if you did this on purpose, not writing about ponies and implicitly asking your reader to ignore that fact.
All my praises for the story are exactly what >>Xepher said. Very clever premise that you delivered without getting me confused. The superpower is explained right at the beginning and the rest of the story just shows us how it works in a real situation.
The story is excellent but because it's not ponies, I'll have to rank it very low and that makes me sad.
However, I wonder if you did this on purpose, not writing about ponies and implicitly asking your reader to ignore that fact.
I almost didn't read this because it was out of the domain of the round.
My first reaction is that if they're in a universe with superhero-comic-style mind control available, they should be able to hypnotize this person into not really paying conscious attention to anything, and thus being invulnerable and doing everything by blindsight, but that would break the premise, so…
The tone of the description is very appropriate, and I like the way the superheroic meaning is contrasted with the emotional meaning at the end.
My first reaction is that if they're in a universe with superhero-comic-style mind control available, they should be able to hypnotize this person into not really paying conscious attention to anything, and thus being invulnerable and doing everything by blindsight, but that would break the premise, so…
The tone of the description is very appropriate, and I like the way the superheroic meaning is contrasted with the emotional meaning at the end.
I'm just going to echo some of the above points and move on: a clever setup and solid/witty execution. There's a lot to like about the fic on its own merits, and if this was an original round I'd expect it to feature high on my slate.
Alas it isn't an original round, and no amount of ignoring that fact will make it go away. Or maybe it will. I mean, who knows, right?
But probably not.
Thanks for sharing your work. Looking forward to finding out who you are so I can check out your other musings.
Alas it isn't an original round, and no amount of ignoring that fact will make it go away. Or maybe it will. I mean, who knows, right?
But probably not.
Thanks for sharing your work. Looking forward to finding out who you are so I can check out your other musings.
Genre: Mystery Men
Thoughts: Hoo boy. I suppose this is where I have to put my money where my mouth is, considering that I gave Those Who Go Down To The Sea In Ships high marks despite its thin connection to pony. But the thing is... I mean, yeah, that one could've had its sailors swapped for humans and still worked. But they were ponies. "An Effort Was Made," as it were. Plus, if you think about it, having a story about a self-aware ship could work IRL but IMO it takes on an entirely different tone when you're talking about a magical world where said ship could hypothetically actually be self-aware (and... be okay with burning to death? I dunno).
But I digress. Reviewing this story, not that one. :twilightsheepish:
This is a strong story concept, and it's well-executed for the most part. "ADD as superpower" indeed. That's some original stuff. Others have noted that this would be dynamite in an original fiction round, and I have to agree. But can I take this moment to be the contrarian? Before the rules firmed-up I once submitted straight-up Pony stuff in the Original rounds, and it was annoying when the response across the board was basically: "Pony in Original? GTFO!" The response here has been better but I don't just feel comfortable bottom-slating it or abstaining.
Thing is, on the one hand demanding an MLP connection is fair; the rounds are separate for a reason, and it sticks out pretty noticeably to have a non-Pony story in a Pony round, just as the opposite also sticks out. But on the other hand, I hate being the guy sitting there saying that the story failed to do its job when it didn't. Is it really fanfiction? Basically not... I mean, there's a razor-thin connection thrown in at the end, but that's not anywhere near enough to call it MLP fanfic. But does it tackle the prompt and give us a compelling read? I daresay it does. This story has the strongest and most literal prompt-connection that I've seen thus far this round, and if we're going to knock people for not writing to the prompt, I figure it's gotta be worth something to have someone go this far with a prompt every once in a while.
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: Hoo boy. I suppose this is where I have to put my money where my mouth is, considering that I gave Those Who Go Down To The Sea In Ships high marks despite its thin connection to pony. But the thing is... I mean, yeah, that one could've had its sailors swapped for humans and still worked. But they were ponies. "An Effort Was Made," as it were. Plus, if you think about it, having a story about a self-aware ship could work IRL but IMO it takes on an entirely different tone when you're talking about a magical world where said ship could hypothetically actually be self-aware (and... be okay with burning to death? I dunno).
But I digress. Reviewing this story, not that one. :twilightsheepish:
This is a strong story concept, and it's well-executed for the most part. "ADD as superpower" indeed. That's some original stuff. Others have noted that this would be dynamite in an original fiction round, and I have to agree. But can I take this moment to be the contrarian? Before the rules firmed-up I once submitted straight-up Pony stuff in the Original rounds, and it was annoying when the response across the board was basically: "Pony in Original? GTFO!" The response here has been better but I don't just feel comfortable bottom-slating it or abstaining.
Thing is, on the one hand demanding an MLP connection is fair; the rounds are separate for a reason, and it sticks out pretty noticeably to have a non-Pony story in a Pony round, just as the opposite also sticks out. But on the other hand, I hate being the guy sitting there saying that the story failed to do its job when it didn't. Is it really fanfiction? Basically not... I mean, there's a razor-thin connection thrown in at the end, but that's not anywhere near enough to call it MLP fanfic. But does it tackle the prompt and give us a compelling read? I daresay it does. This story has the strongest and most literal prompt-connection that I've seen thus far this round, and if we're going to knock people for not writing to the prompt, I figure it's gotta be worth something to have someone go this far with a prompt every once in a while.
Tier: Almost There
>>Xepher
I suppose you mean “hurt” physically and emotionally because otherwise I don’t see what you’re talking about.
Well that was… disjointed. I’m not even sure I found it funny. Just plain boring. I suppose I’m too old to enjoy this, pony or not pony: superheroes thingies just make me shrug.
I suppose you mean “hurt” physically and emotionally because otherwise I don’t see what you’re talking about.
Well that was… disjointed. I’m not even sure I found it funny. Just plain boring. I suppose I’m too old to enjoy this, pony or not pony: superheroes thingies just make me shrug.
I want to actually write in another one of these, and yet they keep happening on days when I can't. Ho well, so it goes, I can probably toss out at least a slate-ish of critiques.
A note on methodology, for anyone who actually reads the whole discussion thread: As usual, all of my comments will be written as though the entry they respond to is a super serious attempt at writing the best story possible, fitting the prompt and format requirements, with goals of improving general writing skills and winning over a judging panel of stuffy academics.
Of course, this is only a pretense, and I am well aware that the above does not describe how most Writeoff entries are actually written (especially in FIM Mini rounds!) And that's fine! Approaching commentary from this angle is simply the method I feel most fits my own strengths, and allows me to give the most helpful feedback.
Hm, what's that you're saying, imaginary companion? This comment is getting to be overly rambling and expository, and, while technically making sense, still bears no relevance to the subject it's supposedly about? Hm, hm yes, yes indeed.
... Okay, seriously though. "Submitted works to this event should fall under the following description: Fiction based on Friendship is Magic." The most generous interpretation of the ending could connect it to this site, or maybe FIMFic, but it isn't specified and anyway FIM fanfiction is not FIM itself. Not going to do well in voting, blah blah blah most everyone else has covered the angle there.
Anyway, this isn't FIM, it's Worm, with "Behemoth the fiery Endbringer" namechanged to "Polyphemus the fire Tyrant." Even here, the dread spectre of Wormfic reaches out with its icy talons. We cannot escape. We can never escape.
The piece itself is pretty bland and boring. The first two sentences tell the whole story, and if that wasn't enough, the next two illustrate it. The rest is continued repetition of the basic concept, except for a bit of switch to emotional hurt at the end. I don't get any sense of who the protagonist is, or what the world around them is like (except for tropes I can recognize from other Worm fics.)
These are problems that could have been fixed together. Instead of Star Wars, Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones, all very generic popular media, why not take those opportunities for characterization by naming some more specific titles? Have them reading some philosophy, or All-Star Superman, or some escapist sci-fi novels. Tell us what kind of porn they use for the quick hit distraction (er, within limits of reasonable taste, of course!) Instead of dropping some other cape names and leaving it at that, tell us what the protagonist thinks about them, or maybe how one of them interacts with him in the current moment. Maybe Hyperman shows up and greets the protag with that punch, and that's how they get dragged over to help with the incident - some additional narrative certainly wouldn't go awry.
Anyway, thanks for writing!
A note on methodology, for anyone who actually reads the whole discussion thread: As usual, all of my comments will be written as though the entry they respond to is a super serious attempt at writing the best story possible, fitting the prompt and format requirements, with goals of improving general writing skills and winning over a judging panel of stuffy academics.
Of course, this is only a pretense, and I am well aware that the above does not describe how most Writeoff entries are actually written (especially in FIM Mini rounds!) And that's fine! Approaching commentary from this angle is simply the method I feel most fits my own strengths, and allows me to give the most helpful feedback.
Hm, what's that you're saying, imaginary companion? This comment is getting to be overly rambling and expository, and, while technically making sense, still bears no relevance to the subject it's supposedly about? Hm, hm yes, yes indeed.
... Okay, seriously though. "Submitted works to this event should fall under the following description: Fiction based on Friendship is Magic." The most generous interpretation of the ending could connect it to this site, or maybe FIMFic, but it isn't specified and anyway FIM fanfiction is not FIM itself. Not going to do well in voting, blah blah blah most everyone else has covered the angle there.
Anyway, this isn't FIM, it's Worm, with "Behemoth the fiery Endbringer" namechanged to "Polyphemus the fire Tyrant." Even here, the dread spectre of Wormfic reaches out with its icy talons. We cannot escape. We can never escape.
The piece itself is pretty bland and boring. The first two sentences tell the whole story, and if that wasn't enough, the next two illustrate it. The rest is continued repetition of the basic concept, except for a bit of switch to emotional hurt at the end. I don't get any sense of who the protagonist is, or what the world around them is like (except for tropes I can recognize from other Worm fics.)
These are problems that could have been fixed together. Instead of Star Wars, Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones, all very generic popular media, why not take those opportunities for characterization by naming some more specific titles? Have them reading some philosophy, or All-Star Superman, or some escapist sci-fi novels. Tell us what kind of porn they use for the quick hit distraction (er, within limits of reasonable taste, of course!) Instead of dropping some other cape names and leaving it at that, tell us what the protagonist thinks about them, or maybe how one of them interacts with him in the current moment. Maybe Hyperman shows up and greets the protag with that punch, and that's how they get dragged over to help with the incident - some additional narrative certainly wouldn't go awry.
Anyway, thanks for writing!
The way the protagonist in this story is presented is a funny one, in that the entire premise revolves around him being an unsympathetic, uncaring airhead. It's kind of a risky idea, but I think the story works as a darkly humorous one, with undertones of seriousness.
Endings are usually the bane of most minifics, but I honestly like the punchline on this one; it fits the premise beautifully and provides a final emotional impact.
Endings are usually the bane of most minifics, but I honestly like the punchline on this one; it fits the premise beautifully and provides a final emotional impact.
Now that the contest is over (and I have some free time) I can finally reply to you all!
>>Chryssi
EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYUUUUUPPPPP.
I think I invented a whole new language, just so I could swear correctly. Guess this is what happens when you do shift work AND do overtime nearly every day :-/
>>Xepher
Uber-meta approach was not on purpose :-( Parts of the bad writing WERE on purpose, but not as much as I think you think they were, making it, like, 25% on purpose.
>>PaulAsaran
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>JudgeDeadd
Thanks! :-)
>>Fenton
Didn't save this for a non-pony round because my brain automatically skipped the MLP part of the contest :-( I'm sad about this too.
>>Light_Striker
From a Doylist point of view, that would defeat the whole point of the character (also, see the fact that the main character's immunity also works on mind-control). From a Watsonian point of view, it's certainly been tried before, and it didn't work. Or it didn't work consistently enough to be safe.
>>CoffeeMinion
Thank you! And yeah, this a complete and honest blunder: the fact that it placed as it did is...correct, I guess? I'm unsure of what word to use.
>>Ranmilia
You are correct! As a concept, this started out as Worm fanfiction (and I have in fact posted it elsewhere, with names, events and organizations, on a different site).
Although I'm not sure what you're talking about, with
I've only found Worm fanfic on one site, and it's a very, very small fandom :-/ Where else is it, so I can read it?
And I chose those particular generic popular media titles on purpose, because I wanted to convey to the reader the idea that the character is not reading for pleasure, but out of obligation, and that all the titles have been chosen by committee (in fact, the character has probably had to wait a long time for the approval to read some titles instead of others, based on "expert opinion" and other such things").
>>Chryssi
EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYUUUUUPPPPP.
I think I invented a whole new language, just so I could swear correctly. Guess this is what happens when you do shift work AND do overtime nearly every day :-/
>>Xepher
Uber-meta approach was not on purpose :-( Parts of the bad writing WERE on purpose, but not as much as I think you think they were, making it, like, 25% on purpose.
>>PaulAsaran
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>JudgeDeadd
Thanks! :-)
>>Fenton
Didn't save this for a non-pony round because my brain automatically skipped the MLP part of the contest :-( I'm sad about this too.
>>Light_Striker
From a Doylist point of view, that would defeat the whole point of the character (also, see the fact that the main character's immunity also works on mind-control). From a Watsonian point of view, it's certainly been tried before, and it didn't work. Or it didn't work consistently enough to be safe.
>>CoffeeMinion
Thank you! And yeah, this a complete and honest blunder: the fact that it placed as it did is...correct, I guess? I'm unsure of what word to use.
>>Ranmilia
You are correct! As a concept, this started out as Worm fanfiction (and I have in fact posted it elsewhere, with names, events and organizations, on a different site).
Although I'm not sure what you're talking about, with
Even here, the dread spectre of Wormfic reaches out with its icy talons. We cannot escape. We can never escape.
I've only found Worm fanfic on one site, and it's a very, very small fandom :-/ Where else is it, so I can read it?
And I chose those particular generic popular media titles on purpose, because I wanted to convey to the reader the idea that the character is not reading for pleasure, but out of obligation, and that all the titles have been chosen by committee (in fact, the character has probably had to wait a long time for the approval to read some titles instead of others, based on "expert opinion" and other such things").
>>devas
Hey, sorry I didn't get to this earlier!
https://forums.spacebattles.com/forums/creative-writing.18/
https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/forums/user-fiction.2/
These two very large forums have a LOT of Worm fanfic on them. So much so that spacebattles made an entire subforum just so that people who complained about Worm everywhere could filter it out of their viewing. I believe it's pretty popular on Archive of Our Own, too. (The dread spectre line was a joke, though, I have no objections to Wormfic and think Spacebattles shouldn't have caved to the haters. Cheers!)
Hey, sorry I didn't get to this earlier!
https://forums.spacebattles.com/forums/creative-writing.18/
https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/forums/user-fiction.2/
These two very large forums have a LOT of Worm fanfic on them. So much so that spacebattles made an entire subforum just so that people who complained about Worm everywhere could filter it out of their viewing. I believe it's pretty popular on Archive of Our Own, too. (The dread spectre line was a joke, though, I have no objections to Wormfic and think Spacebattles shouldn't have caved to the haters. Cheers!)