Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Minuette's Imaginary Friend Replacement Service
Minuette stretched like a cat across the lush grass of the park and grinned. It had been a tiring morning at work, but now she could finally enjoy an afternoon of staring at the cloudless sky above and eating lettuce sandwiches.
The first sandwich was hovering just in front of her lips when the sound of sobbing filled the sun-tempered air. Looking across, she noticed a small filly sat alone on one of the park benches. Packing away her sandwiches in her saddlebag, Minuette trotted over.
“Hi, I’m Minuette. What’s your name?”
The filly rubbed her eyes and looked up. “Uh... Minstrel.”
“Well hello, Minstrel. I don’t think the pegasi will appreciate you stealing their work and bringing the rain in early. You okay?”
“No. I’ve lost my friend.”
“Your friend?” Minuette glanced about the busy park. “No problem. What do they look like?”
Minstrel wiped a hoof across her muzzle and sniffed. “He’s little, and looks a bit like a crocodile with wings.”
Minuette blinked. “Oh! An imaginary friend, huh?”
“He’s called Cedric. We argued; he kept trying to talk to me and I ignored him. Now he’s... gone.”
Minuette stifled a sigh. When imaginary friends disappeared it tended to be for good. She forced a smile when Minstrel looked up.
“You got anyone who can help you look?”
Minstrel’s eyes drifted to the ground. She scuffed a hoof.
“Ah, don’t you worry.” Minuette patted her shoulder. “You’re talking to an expert in tracking imaginary friends. Come on; let’s head over and look in the play-park. That’s always a good place to find friends.”
The play-park was a world of energy and noise. Minuette and Minstrel paused at the edge of it, watching colts and fillies dart and climb about on the glittering frames.
Minuette pointed a hoof. “Shall we start with the sandpit?”
Minstrel looked nervous. “Um... Sure.”
“Great! But we don’t wanna startle them, so let’s sneak through the bushes. Be careful of snakes though, ‘kay?”
They pushed through the dense undergrowth to the pit, where a sky blue filly was digging alone. Minuette leaned out of the bushes.
“Psst! Hey!”
“Huh?” The filly looked up.
“We’re on a secret mission. Can you help?”
“Who’s ‘we’?”
Minuette looked down to find Minstrel hiding behind her. She stepped aside and pushed her forward. “This is Minstrel, and we’re trying to find her imaginary friend. But we have to be sneaky about it.”
“Oh... imaginary friend huh?” The filly looked at Minstrel for a moment before smiling. “Hi! I’m Petunia. Golly, I like your mane.”
“Um... thanks.” Minstrel shuffled her hooves.
Minuette waited for a moment. “Soooo... you wanna help us?”
Petunia beamed. “Sure! I love looking for things. I mean, I don’t think imaginary friends exist much, but—
Minuette gasped. “Don’t exist? Then who’s that right there?”
With a frown, both fillies turned. A pair of eyes peered back at them from beneath a crumbling sandcastle.
“Quick, get him!” Minuette roared, darting from the bushes. Moments later, she heard the fillies giggling as they followed behind. They dug holes for hours, but the creature had disappeared.
Petunia climbed out of a deep hole. “I think he got away,” she said gloomily. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Minstrel’s frown was replaced with a hesitant smile. “Um... your digging was great, though. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome! I had fun.” Petunia’s cheeks darkened. “I dig a lot back home—you know, in the forest or the garden. Sometimes under the sofa. My parents don’t like that though.”
“For what?”
“Everything! You find all kinds of amazing things underground. Ancient skulls, buried treasure.”
Minstrel gasped. “That’s amazing.”
“You think so?” Petunia beamed. “Um, do you want to come round and see my collection? I don’t get a chance to show it off much to ponies. I live nearby.”
Minstrel nodded. “That sounds fun like fun. Do you... like singing?”
Minuette watched them go before returning to her spot in the park. She brushed sand from her coat and unpacked her sandwich. It was squashed and limp, but it tasted great.
“That was fun,” she said, looking down. “You move pretty fast for an old guy.”
The creature beside her, a strange thing that resembled a furry snake with wings, grinned. “Like I’m a day older than you. Been stuck with you for ages—not that I’m complaining about still being here.
“Heh, too right. Just be glad that I never really grew up.” Minuette pulled her gaze back to the park as she smiled. “I certainly am.”
The first sandwich was hovering just in front of her lips when the sound of sobbing filled the sun-tempered air. Looking across, she noticed a small filly sat alone on one of the park benches. Packing away her sandwiches in her saddlebag, Minuette trotted over.
“Hi, I’m Minuette. What’s your name?”
The filly rubbed her eyes and looked up. “Uh... Minstrel.”
“Well hello, Minstrel. I don’t think the pegasi will appreciate you stealing their work and bringing the rain in early. You okay?”
“No. I’ve lost my friend.”
“Your friend?” Minuette glanced about the busy park. “No problem. What do they look like?”
Minstrel wiped a hoof across her muzzle and sniffed. “He’s little, and looks a bit like a crocodile with wings.”
Minuette blinked. “Oh! An imaginary friend, huh?”
“He’s called Cedric. We argued; he kept trying to talk to me and I ignored him. Now he’s... gone.”
Minuette stifled a sigh. When imaginary friends disappeared it tended to be for good. She forced a smile when Minstrel looked up.
“You got anyone who can help you look?”
Minstrel’s eyes drifted to the ground. She scuffed a hoof.
“Ah, don’t you worry.” Minuette patted her shoulder. “You’re talking to an expert in tracking imaginary friends. Come on; let’s head over and look in the play-park. That’s always a good place to find friends.”
The play-park was a world of energy and noise. Minuette and Minstrel paused at the edge of it, watching colts and fillies dart and climb about on the glittering frames.
Minuette pointed a hoof. “Shall we start with the sandpit?”
Minstrel looked nervous. “Um... Sure.”
“Great! But we don’t wanna startle them, so let’s sneak through the bushes. Be careful of snakes though, ‘kay?”
They pushed through the dense undergrowth to the pit, where a sky blue filly was digging alone. Minuette leaned out of the bushes.
“Psst! Hey!”
“Huh?” The filly looked up.
“We’re on a secret mission. Can you help?”
“Who’s ‘we’?”
Minuette looked down to find Minstrel hiding behind her. She stepped aside and pushed her forward. “This is Minstrel, and we’re trying to find her imaginary friend. But we have to be sneaky about it.”
“Oh... imaginary friend huh?” The filly looked at Minstrel for a moment before smiling. “Hi! I’m Petunia. Golly, I like your mane.”
“Um... thanks.” Minstrel shuffled her hooves.
Minuette waited for a moment. “Soooo... you wanna help us?”
Petunia beamed. “Sure! I love looking for things. I mean, I don’t think imaginary friends exist much, but—
Minuette gasped. “Don’t exist? Then who’s that right there?”
With a frown, both fillies turned. A pair of eyes peered back at them from beneath a crumbling sandcastle.
“Quick, get him!” Minuette roared, darting from the bushes. Moments later, she heard the fillies giggling as they followed behind. They dug holes for hours, but the creature had disappeared.
Petunia climbed out of a deep hole. “I think he got away,” she said gloomily. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Minstrel’s frown was replaced with a hesitant smile. “Um... your digging was great, though. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome! I had fun.” Petunia’s cheeks darkened. “I dig a lot back home—you know, in the forest or the garden. Sometimes under the sofa. My parents don’t like that though.”
“For what?”
“Everything! You find all kinds of amazing things underground. Ancient skulls, buried treasure.”
Minstrel gasped. “That’s amazing.”
“You think so?” Petunia beamed. “Um, do you want to come round and see my collection? I don’t get a chance to show it off much to ponies. I live nearby.”
Minstrel nodded. “That sounds fun like fun. Do you... like singing?”
Minuette watched them go before returning to her spot in the park. She brushed sand from her coat and unpacked her sandwich. It was squashed and limp, but it tasted great.
“That was fun,” she said, looking down. “You move pretty fast for an old guy.”
The creature beside her, a strange thing that resembled a furry snake with wings, grinned. “Like I’m a day older than you. Been stuck with you for ages—not that I’m complaining about still being here.
“Heh, too right. Just be glad that I never really grew up.” Minuette pulled her gaze back to the park as she smiled. “I certainly am.”
Very cute slice of life. Plays out nicely, and the twist at the end is icing on the proverbial cake.
This was cute. I have a soft spot for Minuette and she's well executed all along here.
The plot is fairly simple, and the story very straightforward, but… it works nevertheless just because it’s cute.
I would however retract the last lines. They feel ambiguous or offbeat, left us with a strange aftertaste. Just close your story with Minuette eating her stale sandwich, and that'll be more than 'nuff.
Welcome to the finals, though. And with pleasure.
[Fahrenheit]
The plot is fairly simple, and the story very straightforward, but… it works nevertheless just because it’s cute.
I would however retract the last lines. They feel ambiguous or offbeat, left us with a strange aftertaste. Just close your story with Minuette eating her stale sandwich, and that'll be more than 'nuff.
Welcome to the finals, though. And with pleasure.
[Fahrenheit]
Yes, yes and yes again. And one more yes.
Cute and heartwarming, very fitting with the tone of the show (that's the second I've read with this).
I don't know what to think of the last lines though. I don't think that you should cut them off but I can't help but think that they raise too many questions.
I mean, if Minuette has still an imaginary friend, then first, they exist, and second, where does all the imaginary friends go when ponies grow up? Did they go to Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends? And why does Minuette still have it? Is it because she didn't make any friend? I got the feeling that making real friends makes your imaginary friend go away in your story. But Minuette is friend with Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, Moon Dancer and Lyra.
But that's only nitpicking. This was really great, thank you for writing this.
Cute and heartwarming, very fitting with the tone of the show (that's the second I've read with this).
I don't know what to think of the last lines though. I don't think that you should cut them off but I can't help but think that they raise too many questions.
I mean, if Minuette has still an imaginary friend, then first, they exist, and second, where does all the imaginary friends go when ponies grow up? Did they go to Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends? And why does Minuette still have it? Is it because she didn't make any friend? I got the feeling that making real friends makes your imaginary friend go away in your story. But Minuette is friend with Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, Moon Dancer and Lyra.
But that's only nitpicking. This was really great, thank you for writing this.
And in the next edition, Minuette's friend gets caught in a melodramatic love triangle with Madame Le Flour and Sir Lintsalot.
This one has the benefit of being creative and well written, so it doesn't feel as much like D'aww-philia abuse as it could. Definitely an entertaining story with an entirely unexpected take on the prompt. Well done, author.
This one has the benefit of being creative and well written, so it doesn't feel as much like D'aww-philia abuse as it could. Definitely an entertaining story with an entirely unexpected take on the prompt. Well done, author.
Charming foal's play, well-done in its genre (I want to call it "magical realism transplanted to cartoon land" but I'm not sure that makes any sense; the way the ending isn't quite expected in flow because of the tone earlier lands it just right). I like how Minuette starts out staring at the cloudless sky rather than staring at the clouds. Minuette's also an interesting choice here with the edge-of-reality implications.
"Minstrel" feels like an odd choice of name here.
Heeheehee, "I like your mane".
Is that a callback to the archaeologist filly in the opening of "The Fault in Our Cutie Marks"?! Yes, very yes. Double points. (I wish you were on my slate.)
"Minstrel" feels like an odd choice of name here.
Heeheehee, "I like your mane".
Is that a callback to the archaeologist filly in the opening of "The Fault in Our Cutie Marks"?! Yes, very yes. Double points. (I wish you were on my slate.)
Minstrel nodded. “That sounds fun like fun[...]
Fun does sound like fun. Because it's fun.
I jest. We're all allowed the odd typo now and then, and this one certainly otherwise delivers what it sets out to do. Might be a small question mark over the ending, certainly if the previous comments are anything to go by, as it seems to want to straddle two tones/meanings. But maybe that's just how I've interpreted it.
Cute stuff. Thanks for sharing.
Taken as it appears, this is saccharine cute fluff, hits the requisite narrative beats and gets the job done. Nothing that wows me - I tend towards emotionally skeptical reading, with my bar for any sort of "feels" set substantially higher than most readers - but the piece is solid throughout.
Taken not quite as it appears... I wonder. A quick wiki dive didn't turn up anything on Cedric or any obviously relevant facts on Minuette (apparently her shtick is time magic.) Is Cedric supposed to really be imaginary, or is he a real tsuchinoko-type thingamabob? What is his deal? Was this all a coincidence, or is Minuette setting up young ponies for some reason? The author chose to write this piece about Minuette, instead of any other pony: why? Is it simply a whim, a use of a random background pony with a cute design, or are we meant to be reading in something about her time magic? I'm not sure on any of this, and I think that ambiguity makes me a little dissatisfied. There's just enough weird on the page to make me suspicious of more weirdness lurking; if there isn't supposed to be more, then I think this was not a great choice of ending scenes.
I do like the prose, it's simple, clean and effective. Structure is sound, there's a complete story and it fits in the mini format, well done. Overall I'd say this is an average piece on my internal scale of quality, which probably puts it in the top third or so of the voting field. Thanks for writing!
Taken not quite as it appears... I wonder. A quick wiki dive didn't turn up anything on Cedric or any obviously relevant facts on Minuette (apparently her shtick is time magic.) Is Cedric supposed to really be imaginary, or is he a real tsuchinoko-type thingamabob? What is his deal? Was this all a coincidence, or is Minuette setting up young ponies for some reason? The author chose to write this piece about Minuette, instead of any other pony: why? Is it simply a whim, a use of a random background pony with a cute design, or are we meant to be reading in something about her time magic? I'm not sure on any of this, and I think that ambiguity makes me a little dissatisfied. There's just enough weird on the page to make me suspicious of more weirdness lurking; if there isn't supposed to be more, then I think this was not a great choice of ending scenes.
I do like the prose, it's simple, clean and effective. Structure is sound, there's a complete story and it fits in the mini format, well done. Overall I'd say this is an average piece on my internal scale of quality, which probably puts it in the top third or so of the voting field. Thanks for writing!
I don’t think the pegasi will appreciate you stealing their work and bringing the rain in early.
OK, this line alone bought me.
And the story is all sorts of cute. I love the way the overall message is put across, but I also like that the final few lines put a twist on it.
The only thing that slightly bugs me is how the story casually skips over several "hours" of time from one sentence to the next. Was Minuette really standing by and watching two fillies play for several hours?
I thought this was a cute piece, well-written and it does feel like the subject matter could have easily been from the show. I really like Minuette, and seeing her help out somepony else like that sounded like something she'd get involved in.
That said, I'm going to be a nitpicker and say that I'm not sure how the story follows the prompt. The main problem of the story is Minstrel losing her imaginary friend and, rather than ignoring the problem Minuette actively confronts the problem with her search.
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
That said, I'm going to be a nitpicker and say that I'm not sure how the story follows the prompt. The main problem of the story is Minstrel losing her imaginary friend and, rather than ignoring the problem Minuette actively confronts the problem with her search.
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
>>eusocialdragon
If one ignores their imaginary friend, they will go away. That's what happened to Minstrel's.
If one ignores their imaginary friend, they will go away. That's what happened to Minstrel's.
>>Everyday
You're absolutely right, and thank you. I skimmed through the story again and found the reference to the imaginary friend being ignored, and therefore that the story is about the consequences of the prompt.
Now, if you'll all excuse me, I'll go bang my head against the nearest wall for a while. <:)
You're absolutely right, and thank you. I skimmed through the story again and found the reference to the imaginary friend being ignored, and therefore that the story is about the consequences of the prompt.
Now, if you'll all excuse me, I'll go bang my head against the nearest wall for a while. <:)
Cute. I think the actual prose could use a little punching up (it's pretty basic). I'm also a bit curious why you went with Minuette here.
Holy crap, are finals almost over already?! That's what I get for crashing and burning in prelims I guess. Time for short reviews.
Genre: Petunia? Fam, that's +1000 reader appeal right out the gate is what that is.
Thoughts: Minstrel strikes me as a weird name, but in every other way I find this to be a very cute story with a neat twist.
Tier: Strong
Genre: Petunia? Fam, that's +1000 reader appeal right out the gate is what that is.
Thoughts: Minstrel strikes me as a weird name, but in every other way I find this to be a very cute story with a neat twist.
Tier: Strong
Minuette's Imaginary Friend Replacement Service
Retrospective
Firstly, congratulations to Chris and GroaningGreyAgony for medalling, but also to everyone who submitted a fic, whether it finalled or not.
Secondly, heartfelt thanks to >>Xepher, >>Monokeras, >>Fenton, >>PaulAsaran, >>Light_Striker, >>Ranmilia, >>JudgeDeadd, >>eusocialdragon, >>Everyday, >>AndrewRogue and >>CoffeeMinion for taking the time to comment and provide feedback on this story. I appreciate your efforts (particularly you, Ranmilia), and you can be assured that these will be taken into consideration when this story makes the transition to FiMFiction.
This was very much a last minute idea, one which came to me partly formed with about four hours or so until the deadline. I wanted to write and submit it anyway, as it has been a goal of mine to get two stories submitted during a Writeoff round. The tone was intended to mirror that found in the books of younger readers' markets, hence the base simplicity of the prose and concept. Plus I just wanted to try my hand at writing something that was cute, and very little else.
However, it is obvious that the ticking of the clock was against me, and critiques concerning the story's basic nature are difficult to argue against. More work is needed there, to be sure. Same with the pacing, particularly in relation to the scene where they are digging holes. Time and word count was against me there, and the overall effect is pretty jarring.
Okay, key themes from the comments:
Prompt
Yes this is very much a take on the consequences of the prompt statement. The filly in question ignored her imaginary friend, causing it to disappear. Usually this would happen a little later on, perhaps, once stronger (real) friendships have basically replaced them anyway, but in this case Cedric's disappearance was premature, and Minstrel had no friends to fall back on.
What kind of name is "Minstrel"?
Author indulgence alert. Minstrel was the name of a filly in a (discontinued) Pinkie Pie/Trixie friendshipping fic of mine. She was an important character in a particular scene that brought to the fore the idea of friendship being a *desirable* thing for Trixie. She was a singer/storyteller who had a fairly isolated life, and many of her issues resonated with the filly in this particular fic. As such, I largely just imported her over, because I quite liked her character originally, and I felt I should try and do *something* with her.
Why Minuette?
Because Minuette. No, in all seriousness I've been meaning to write a Minuette fic for ages. But (originally) there was an implication within the fic that Minuette harbours a lot of doubts about the strength of her friendships seen in Amending Fences, and Twilight's departure exacerbated those. Unlike Moon Dancer, however, Minuette's reaction went in the other direction, and though she forms more friendships, she worries about how real they are. Which is why her imaginary friend is still with her. An anchor, if you will. But I cut that out on account of it tainting the general tone of the story I wanted to tell. Which leads me to:
That ending, yo
I have to admit, I'm feeling like something of a fraud here. There is repeated talk of a twist ending, and I'd genuinely love to know what this twist is perceived to be. I think some of this is a hangover to the above content, where there may have been a deeper psychological element, but in the end the reference to her own imaginary friend is simply that Minuette continued to embrace those childlike elements of wonder and fun and excitement, and in her own mind "never grew up". The more I watched Amending Fences for reference points, the more I felt that her character would suit having that type of happy-go-lucky youthful perspective. Whether that was what people interpreted as a twist I can't say. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts, and I can only apologise if my delivery of the conclusion falsely gave the story a deeper meaning.
Also, damn right, Petunia. She's awesome, and will be getting more exposure in the rewrite (that whole sand-pit scene needs some expansion).
That's about it for this one, I think. I'll get to my other fic a little later, and will do my best to answer any further comments promptly.
Thanks again!