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FiM
Minific
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I just want to start by saying that Jiggery Pokery is a great name for a pony.
Sounds like he's made of copper, to me.
Well, this was an odd little experience, but certainly not a bad one. With the scenes being as short and rapid as they are, it makes the story feel a bit unfocused, in the sense that it's not clear which details are significant and which aren't. Still, the transition into horror worked well enough, and I was invested in finding out how it all turned out in the end.
Not much else for me to say beyond that, I'm afraid.
>>horizon
Pinkie Pie says "Hi, Mom and Dad!" in the first part of The Cutie Map, and in Crusaders of the Lost Mark, Applejack says "if Mom and Dad were here".
On the topic of the sweetness, as you said, sweetness is generally considered an attractant. I imagined that it serves a similar function to the sweet sap inside of a Venus flytrap.
"Being rusty and green makes that masters in adventure basically worthless."
Sounds like he's made of copper, to me.
Well, this was an odd little experience, but certainly not a bad one. With the scenes being as short and rapid as they are, it makes the story feel a bit unfocused, in the sense that it's not clear which details are significant and which aren't. Still, the transition into horror worked well enough, and I was invested in finding out how it all turned out in the end.
Not much else for me to say beyond that, I'm afraid.
>>horizon
There's the World's Best Dad cup (wouldn't ponies use "Sire"?)
Pinkie Pie says "Hi, Mom and Dad!" in the first part of The Cutie Map, and in Crusaders of the Lost Mark, Applejack says "if Mom and Dad were here".
On the topic of the sweetness, as you said, sweetness is generally considered an attractant. I imagined that it serves a similar function to the sweet sap inside of a Venus flytrap.
I give a lot of credit to this story for how utterly ambitious it is. Establishing a connection between Sweetie Drops and Sweetie Belle due to the similarities in their names and design is neat. Molding an entire story around it is quite impressive.
From an editing standpoint, this story needs a lot of help. Just something to keep in mind if you intend on publishing this.
I'm not very fond of the opening. It takes quite a while to confirm who the narrator is, and all of the self-doubt and the struck-through mental voice were more distracting than enlightening.
I was never really sold on the relationship between Sweetie Drops and Silver Lining. The story kind of glazes over that part without getting me invested in their relationship. I think the story could be more impactful, in that regard. Something to consider if you plan on expanding this.
I'm glad I got the opportunity to read this. It was definitely an experience, and I have a feeling that this one is going to stick with me for a while.
From an editing standpoint, this story needs a lot of help. Just something to keep in mind if you intend on publishing this.
I'm not very fond of the opening. It takes quite a while to confirm who the narrator is, and all of the self-doubt and the struck-through mental voice were more distracting than enlightening.
I was never really sold on the relationship between Sweetie Drops and Silver Lining. The story kind of glazes over that part without getting me invested in their relationship. I think the story could be more impactful, in that regard. Something to consider if you plan on expanding this.
I'm glad I got the opportunity to read this. It was definitely an experience, and I have a feeling that this one is going to stick with me for a while.
A three-day drought of reviews for this story? We should fix that.
This was an interesting little trip. Shifting between perspective characters so much was a little... disorientating, perhaps? I can say it messed with my immersion, at least. I wouldn't necessarily call it a bad thing, though. It's a stylistic choice, meant to have an effect on the reader.
This story poses some classic moral dilemmas, and I enjoyed seeing how each character responded. I quite liked your use of Garble. Like a quality bad guy, he thinks he is in the right and that he will be vindicated.
A minor note: I wasn't a fan of the way you described magic. Honestly, it seems pretentious to me, because what does it really add to the story? That's just my opinion, though, and you are absolutely free to ignore it.
Overall, I liked it. While the stylistic choice was a bit unconventional, the writing itself was solid and engaging. Nice work.
>>Corejo
I believe the "(hugs)" were intrusive thoughts that were compelling him to hug Spike, not individual actions.
This was an interesting little trip. Shifting between perspective characters so much was a little... disorientating, perhaps? I can say it messed with my immersion, at least. I wouldn't necessarily call it a bad thing, though. It's a stylistic choice, meant to have an effect on the reader.
This story poses some classic moral dilemmas, and I enjoyed seeing how each character responded. I quite liked your use of Garble. Like a quality bad guy, he thinks he is in the right and that he will be vindicated.
A minor note: I wasn't a fan of the way you described magic. Honestly, it seems pretentious to me, because what does it really add to the story? That's just my opinion, though, and you are absolutely free to ignore it.
Overall, I liked it. While the stylistic choice was a bit unconventional, the writing itself was solid and engaging. Nice work.
>>Corejo
I believe the "(hugs)" were intrusive thoughts that were compelling him to hug Spike, not individual actions.