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New Book Who Dis?
Ummmmm…Hi, I guess? I found this book buzzing in the back of my wardrobe. It’s been keeping me up all night. I think it’s a magic communication device, so hello, whoever’s reading this.
—Starlight Glimmer
Hello, Starlight; I am Sunset Shimmer. Yes, this is a magic book that I use to communicate with Twilight Sparkle. I don’t recognize your name, so I hope you aren’t the latest villain who’s shown up and taken over Equestria or anything. Assuming you’re not, can you please give this book to Twilight? I really need to speak with her. Thanks.
—Sunset Shimmer
Sorry, Sunset, I can’t help you there. And I’m not saying that because I’m a villain who’s trying to take over Equestria, because I’m not. Anymore.I’m also not trying to ruin Twilight’s life and inadvertently destroy Equestria along the way anymore either.What I mean is, I’m a good pony now. I’m Twilight’s student. I just can’t give this book to Twilight because she’s on a cruise with her friends for the next two weeks. But she did say that I’m in charge of dealing with any Equestria-shattering emergencies that pop up while she’s gone. So maybe I can still help?
—Starlight
Don’t worry, Starlight. I’ve been there too. We’ll have to swap stories some day. And this isn’t an Equestria-shattering (or rather, Alternate-Dimension-Version-of-Equestria-Without-a-Clearly-Established-Name-shattering) emergency; I just wanted some advice. So unless you know anything about accidental mind rapes, you probably can’t help much. But now I’m more curious about you being Twilight’s student. She’s never mentioned having any students before. Is this a new thing?
—Sunset
To be honest, I have a bit more experience with friendly mind rapes than I’d like to admit. And to answer your question, no, I’ve been Twilight’s student for over a year now. She’s taught me tons of friendship lessons, and I even saved Equestria once. How could she not have mentioned me? More importantly, how could she not have mentioned you? I had no idea that alternate dimensions even existed, let alone that she had a friend in one of them! What’s up with that?
—Starlight
Actually, it has been a while since I last talked with Twilight. She hasn’t replied to any of my messages in months. But you still would have been around when I last heard from her. But she really hasn’t told you about this place? She’s come here several times to help save the day, and even rescued me from my dark side and helped teach me about the magic of friendship. And there’s the whole “different dimension with alternate versions of her and her friends” thing, which is pretty cool. I don’t suppose you have any idea why she seems to be ignoring us?
—Sunset
Well, I hope you don’t think I’ve been keeping her too busy to write to you. She spends half her time these days going on vacations with her friends. Unless…Oh no, I think I might have replaced you. Maybe since I was here and you weren’t really around, I took the role of “defeated former villain who needs to be reformed and taught about friendship” for her. I’m so sorry. I’m sure she didn’t mean to ignore you like this.
—Starlight
Then again, you did say that you found that book shoved in the back of your wardrobe…But don’t worry. I don’t blame you or Twilight. And I’m not about to return to my evil ways without Twilight to teach me about friendship. I’ve made other friends who have helped me out a lot and taught me a ton, including this world’s version of Twilight.
You know, just because Twilight hasn’t visited lately doesn’t mean that you can’t. There should be a magic mirror somewhere in the castle that your book can turn into a portal. I’m sure the girls here would love to meet you.
—Sunset
I suppose that if Twilight can take all these vacations, I should be able to too. In fact, I could go now and be back before she is. She won’t even know I was gone. And I’ll just leave Trixie and Discord in charge of Equestria’s safety while I’m gone. I’m sure they can handle anything that comes up. See you soon!
—Starlight
I am suddenly very worried about Equestria.
Cute. A little meta for my tastes, but does what it sets out to do and does it well. Only gripe is that the last quote isn't signed, and I'm not sure if that's an "oops" or intentional.
This is cute. It has the common minific complaint that it feels like part of something longer. (What I really want to see now is Trixie and Discord trying to defend Equestria together, not SG's adventures through the looking glass.)
Not bad as fluff, though I agree that the last entry should've been signed.
Casually dropping the term "mind rape" was jarring, with the rest of the tone so casual.
It's not clear to me what Twilight's motivation was. Did she just forget, or get too busy, or did something get awkward and stay that way, or what? Maybe that doesn't matter here.
Casually dropping the term "mind rape" was jarring, with the rest of the tone so casual.
It's not clear to me what Twilight's motivation was. Did she just forget, or get too busy, or did something get awkward and stay that way, or what? Maybe that doesn't matter here.
A few extra things: if the last entry was actually meant to be cut off in a hurry, there should be some other indication of that. And the title also really doesn't match in tone; it implies something much… goofier? More provocative? I'm not sure what word goes best there.
Edit: Oh, I see what the title is referencing now. You know, that actually fits and might bump this story up a step or two.
Edit: Oh, I see what the title is referencing now. You know, that actually fits and might bump this story up a step or two.
So, when Twilight gets back, will the castle be made of cheese and statues of Trixie be on every street corner, or will Equestria be mired in megaspell ruin while the two latest... er... 'leaders' battle for supremacy over the dregs of pony society?
Either way, I enjoyed this. Meta, amusing, but also with some very real underlying consequences.
Either way, I enjoyed this. Meta, amusing, but also with some very real underlying consequences.
This is was really good. I liked the fact that Sunset and Starlight actually connect and don't start hating each other like I've seen too many times. Twilight not talking about Sunset to Starlight (and vice versa) can seem surprising but that's something I can accept as a premise.
My main problem (not a big one, mind you) is with the ending. Not how the story ends, Starlight going to visit Sunset, that's a nice way to end this story which didn't have a big conflict anyway, but rather how the mention of Trixie and Discord by Starlight didn't lead to something else. I mean, you had a good opportunity here for some jokes, like 'Discord? The Discord?' 'Yes, he's... kind of a good guy now'.
For the nitpicks:
Some sentences felt a bit rushed, like if you wanted to skip this part and move to something else, like this one
That's a conclusion Starlight makes too quickly, unless several days have passed between the first message and this one (but as there is no indication, I assume all the conversation happens at the same time).
So all in all, a very stong story which didn't aim for something big and still resolve the small conflict nicely. A strong mid-tier for me and a big yes. Thank you for sharing and should you ever expand it, drop a link.
My main problem (not a big one, mind you) is with the ending. Not how the story ends, Starlight going to visit Sunset, that's a nice way to end this story which didn't have a big conflict anyway, but rather how the mention of Trixie and Discord by Starlight didn't lead to something else. I mean, you had a good opportunity here for some jokes, like 'Discord? The Discord?' 'Yes, he's... kind of a good guy now'.
For the nitpicks:
Some sentences felt a bit rushed, like if you wanted to skip this part and move to something else, like this one
Unless…Oh no, I think I might have replaced you. Maybe since I was here and you weren’t really around, I took the role of “defeated former villain who needs to be reformed and taught about friendship” for her. I’m so sorry.
That's a conclusion Starlight makes too quickly, unless several days have passed between the first message and this one (but as there is no indication, I assume all the conversation happens at the same time).
So all in all, a very stong story which didn't aim for something big and still resolve the small conflict nicely. A strong mid-tier for me and a big yes. Thank you for sharing and should you ever expand it, drop a link.
Mmm…
I wonder why Twilight is in vacation so often. Also why she would let her book to Starlight.
Other than that, it’s a rather funny pen pal fic between two ex-vilains. Cute, but not profound.
I wonder why Twilight is in vacation so often. Also why she would let her book to Starlight.
Other than that, it’s a rather funny pen pal fic between two ex-vilains. Cute, but not profound.
I must admit that neither Starlight nor Sunset are exactly my favorite characters, so the story didn't grab me that much. However, I did like the bits where Sunset realizes that Twilight's all but forgotten/stopped caring about her (hey, that's part and parcel of being a character from a side-story that doesn't even get mentioned in the show.)
Though, I have to question if even Starlight is stupid enough so as to leave Trixie in charge of Equestria's safety.
Edit: Also, I agree with >>Light_Striker that the girls casually tossing around the word "rape" like that is off-putting.
Though, I have to question if even Starlight is stupid enough so as to leave Trixie in charge of Equestria's safety.
Edit: Also, I agree with >>Light_Striker that the girls casually tossing around the word "rape" like that is off-putting.
Almost, almost veers towards becoming too meta for my tastes, but there's enough excellent Starlight characterisation going on to distract me. This is pretty good, though a little more hinting of Twilight's motivations would have given greater depth to the story, and that final entry is befuddling to say the least.
The line about Trixie and Discord is just too hilariously earnest. So Starlight.
Thanks for sharing your work.
The line about Trixie and Discord is just too hilariously earnest. So Starlight.
Thanks for sharing your work.
I wanted to do this retrospective and read and review the finalists before finals ended, but clearly that didn't happen. Well, I can still do the retrospective, at least.
New Book Who Dis Retrospective
The idea behind this story was basically what >>JudgeDeadd described. I started with the idea of Twilight ignoring Sunset/Humanland (which is basically canon), and thought about Sunset confronting her about it. Then I realized it could be fun to have Sunset meet Starlight instead, and then I thought of the joke that became the title, and then I had to write it.
Several people mentioned that the last line should have been signed. I seriously considered it while writing, but I felt that it had a bit more punch without it. I thought of that message as more of a text message while the rest were letters. I realized a few days too late that I should have written all of Starlight's messages like letters and all of Sunset's like texts. I think it would have been a cool effect.
And to be honest, the signatures are really only there to make sure that no one gets confused about who's writing what.
I was also a bit unsure about using the term "mind rape," and several people called me out on it. Yes, it's definitely out of place with the style of the show. But it is an accepted term in the real world, and even if it's not the most accurate description of Sunset's powers, it's not too far off. (Also, someone in the Discord chat used it to describe Sunset's power a day or two before I wrote this, so it was in my mind.) Maybe I should have called it "invasion of mental privacy" instead, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it. I'm open to suggestions though.
I'm a bit surprised that so many people latched onto the part about leaving Trixie and Discord in charge of Equestria's safety, though perhaps I shouldn't be. It certainly does sound like the premise of an entertaining story, though I just came up with it as a joke because I needed a way to end the story.
And yes, >>Fenton, there probably is a better joke I could have made, but this was the one I thought of, and I didn't have the time to come up with anything better.
On the whole, I'm quite happy with how this story turned out. Apparently I missed the cutoff for finals by 0.0062 points. I would ask if that was a record or something if it weren't for the fact that georg's entry managed to come even closer, missing finals by 0.00537 points.
And thank you to everyone who read and/or commented on this story!
>>Xepher
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Light_Striker
>>PaulAsaran
>>Fenton
>>Monokeras
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
But I think my favorite comment might be this one from Aragón on Discord:
I have never been so happy to get someone punched.
New Book Who Dis Retrospective
The idea behind this story was basically what >>JudgeDeadd described. I started with the idea of Twilight ignoring Sunset/Humanland (which is basically canon), and thought about Sunset confronting her about it. Then I realized it could be fun to have Sunset meet Starlight instead, and then I thought of the joke that became the title, and then I had to write it.
Several people mentioned that the last line should have been signed. I seriously considered it while writing, but I felt that it had a bit more punch without it. I thought of that message as more of a text message while the rest were letters. I realized a few days too late that I should have written all of Starlight's messages like letters and all of Sunset's like texts. I think it would have been a cool effect.
And to be honest, the signatures are really only there to make sure that no one gets confused about who's writing what.
I was also a bit unsure about using the term "mind rape," and several people called me out on it. Yes, it's definitely out of place with the style of the show. But it is an accepted term in the real world, and even if it's not the most accurate description of Sunset's powers, it's not too far off. (Also, someone in the Discord chat used it to describe Sunset's power a day or two before I wrote this, so it was in my mind.) Maybe I should have called it "invasion of mental privacy" instead, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it. I'm open to suggestions though.
I'm a bit surprised that so many people latched onto the part about leaving Trixie and Discord in charge of Equestria's safety, though perhaps I shouldn't be. It certainly does sound like the premise of an entertaining story, though I just came up with it as a joke because I needed a way to end the story.
And yes, >>Fenton, there probably is a better joke I could have made, but this was the one I thought of, and I didn't have the time to come up with anything better.
On the whole, I'm quite happy with how this story turned out. Apparently I missed the cutoff for finals by 0.0062 points. I would ask if that was a record or something if it weren't for the fact that georg's entry managed to come even closer, missing finals by 0.00537 points.
And thank you to everyone who read and/or commented on this story!
>>Xepher
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Light_Striker
>>PaulAsaran
>>Fenton
>>Monokeras
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
But I think my favorite comment might be this one from Aragón on Discord:
yeah I'm reading just my ballot first
and then whichever grabs my attention best with the title
so no 'new book who dis' because fuck whoever wrote that title oh my god
that sounds like majin
I'm going to punch majin even if he didn't do it
(nah for real, it's attention-grabbing, so good for that)
(but too memey for my tastes)
(kinda tacky)
I have never been so happy to get someone punched.