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How very charitable of her royal majesty to summon us to a social gathering of prepared foods and open-handed cordiality, regardless of the immense difference in our societal statuses.
FiM
Short Story
2nd
94%
569
Excellent. My post-coital Sweetie Belle/Stephen Magnet shipfic, titled "Fuckin' Magnet, How Does It Work?!" is completed and submitted. I'll try not to flaunt my shiny gold medal to y'all.
>>wYvern Agreed. I've gotten some pretty harsh criticism of my work on here, but never did I feel that it was excessive or ill-intentioned. I'm not sure what >>Remedyfortheheart is referring to.
Writeoff Mash-Ups: Preliminary Edition
Trouble! No Brakes for 72 Hours: Troubleshoes' investigation into the disappearance of Blueblood leads him to board a train bound for a place called Quifons. He's not sure what that is, or where it is, or of many of the specifics surrounding his work. All he knows is that it's been three days, this train hasn't stopped once, it's snowing outside, and all the other passengers keep glancing at his neck...
THAUMIC FIRES: The Game! It's the boardgame conflagration that's sweeping the nation! It's Thaumic Fires: The Game! Study up and roll the dice for a chance to land on one of thirty whimsical tiles, each one presenting a different opportunity to be rendered a pony-shaped carbon crisp.
The Fool and the Waterline: Neigh Digger's mission to find the Elements of Harmony goes poorly, until he encounters a dreadlocked witch who offers him a tarot reading. Of course, he isn't carrying any money, or anything beyond non-perishable food, so the majority of the story is just the two of them haggling over bread crumbs.
Unsolicited Ghost Remedies: "Look at this, Princess," said Twilight, holding up a letter. "It's an ad from the human world for Sugarcoat's ghost-whacking business. If I can get in touch with her, I might be able to persuade her to come to Equestria, and beat this phoenix dust problem out of you with an old baseball bat!"
"Whiieeeeerherherherherher," Celestia whinneyed, bumping Twilight's hoof with her nose. Twilight sighed and slid another slice of apple into her mouth.
Trouble! No Brakes for 72 Hours: Troubleshoes' investigation into the disappearance of Blueblood leads him to board a train bound for a place called Quifons. He's not sure what that is, or where it is, or of many of the specifics surrounding his work. All he knows is that it's been three days, this train hasn't stopped once, it's snowing outside, and all the other passengers keep glancing at his neck...
THAUMIC FIRES: The Game! It's the boardgame conflagration that's sweeping the nation! It's Thaumic Fires: The Game! Study up and roll the dice for a chance to land on one of thirty whimsical tiles, each one presenting a different opportunity to be rendered a pony-shaped carbon crisp.
The Fool and the Waterline: Neigh Digger's mission to find the Elements of Harmony goes poorly, until he encounters a dreadlocked witch who offers him a tarot reading. Of course, he isn't carrying any money, or anything beyond non-perishable food, so the majority of the story is just the two of them haggling over bread crumbs.
Unsolicited Ghost Remedies: "Look at this, Princess," said Twilight, holding up a letter. "It's an ad from the human world for Sugarcoat's ghost-whacking business. If I can get in touch with her, I might be able to persuade her to come to Equestria, and beat this phoenix dust problem out of you with an old baseball bat!"
"Whiieeeeerherherherherher," Celestia whinneyed, bumping Twilight's hoof with her nose. Twilight sighed and slid another slice of apple into her mouth.
Writeoff Mash-Ups: Finals Edition
Sugardelta: "I just don't know what to do with him, Princess Cadance; I talk, and all he does is make that, that... that face at me! With the teeth! You know the one, right? Ugh, I thought he was going to be exotic, and thrilling, but we have nothing in common and -- Cadance, dear, how much crystal vodka have you consumed today?"
"Not... enough..."
The Dog Ate My Gameday: Discord's latest plan to lure his chums together for a night of Ogres and Oubliettes backfires when Thorax, the lynchpin of it all, steals and consumes everypony's lovingly crafted character sheets.
The River of Hatred Gazes Back: In desperation over her wings, Twilight decides to follow in Lilith's hoofsteps, ending her life by disseminating herself in the River of Dreams and making everypony in Equestria feel very passive-aggressive and depressed. Scootaloo intervenes before she can end it all, however, her angst inspiring Twilight to just hand the damn things over to her. Problem solved!
Fear of Dam You: Twilight, consummate politician, finally finds herself at a loss when somepony asks how she plans to evict Chrysalis, who is draped languorously atop the hydroelectric dam and refuses to leave.
The Price She Changed: "Mom, how come you and Dad don't look each other in the eye anymore?"
"Well, I can't speak for him, exactly. But as for myself, I sacrificed all the love I felt for him in order to make you such a sweetheart."
"Mom, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense."
"Don't think too hard about it. Now, I think I hear Rarity coming, so I'm gonna camp out in my shoe closet. If she asks, tell her I, uh. Died."
"But you're immortal."
"Well, actually... mm, no, I don't think we're ready for that talk yet."
Sugardelta: "I just don't know what to do with him, Princess Cadance; I talk, and all he does is make that, that... that face at me! With the teeth! You know the one, right? Ugh, I thought he was going to be exotic, and thrilling, but we have nothing in common and -- Cadance, dear, how much crystal vodka have you consumed today?"
"Not... enough..."
The Dog Ate My Gameday: Discord's latest plan to lure his chums together for a night of Ogres and Oubliettes backfires when Thorax, the lynchpin of it all, steals and consumes everypony's lovingly crafted character sheets.
The River of Hatred Gazes Back: In desperation over her wings, Twilight decides to follow in Lilith's hoofsteps, ending her life by disseminating herself in the River of Dreams and making everypony in Equestria feel very passive-aggressive and depressed. Scootaloo intervenes before she can end it all, however, her angst inspiring Twilight to just hand the damn things over to her. Problem solved!
Fear of Dam You: Twilight, consummate politician, finally finds herself at a loss when somepony asks how she plans to evict Chrysalis, who is draped languorously atop the hydroelectric dam and refuses to leave.
The Price She Changed: "Mom, how come you and Dad don't look each other in the eye anymore?"
"Well, I can't speak for him, exactly. But as for myself, I sacrificed all the love I felt for him in order to make you such a sweetheart."
"Mom, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense."
"Don't think too hard about it. Now, I think I hear Rarity coming, so I'm gonna camp out in my shoe closet. If she asks, tell her I, uh. Died."
"But you're immortal."
"Well, actually... mm, no, I don't think we're ready for that talk yet."
Mash-Up Cinematic Universe: Finals Edition
Twilight's Memento Mori: When Rainbow Dash dies of a fatal heart attack after performing a rainboom with Twilight, the Purple Princess of Friendliness ventures into the depths of Hell itself to free her soul from the torments of Neightan.
All of which happens off screen. The story picks up with Rainbow Dash having her scrambled eggs chewed for her by Twilight. Twilight suddenly inhales her mouthful and chokes to death. Rainbow sighs. "Not again..."
Sunset Shimmer and Discord GO TO THE OPTOMETRIST: Discord pranks Sunset Shimmer by blowing a handful of crystal dust into her eyes, reawakening her latent demon side and filling her with a lust for CRISTULLLLLLZ. Discord takes her to an optometrist to get some eye drops.
Unfortunately, the optometrist is the still-spurned Twilight Velvet, who prescribes Sunset a bottle of taco sauce instead of eyedrops. Wat a tweest!
The Meaning of the Stars: Chrysalis is released from her imprisonment, and offers to make amends to a deeply depressed Twilight. Twilight wordlessly gives her a plate of scrambled eggs and leads her into Rainbow Dash's nursery, tripping and breaking her neck six times along the way.
Ashes of the Wheel: A bunch of Horse War 2 veterans perform a ritual to bless the hull of a new battleship. Then the world ends, and they do it again, except they're in high school, blessing the new paint job of someone's totally tubular 'Stang. He's planning to use it to impress the hottest girl in school into going to the end of the year Fearsome Fiesta with him, but the car won't start, there's a badger in the engine block who won't leave, and worst of all, he's got a zit on the end of his nose! And the fiesta's tomorrow!
Major bummage, dude.
The Putri Path: Zecora's hometown is raided one day by the self-proclaimed Malevolent and Fearsome but Also Pretty Hot God-Empress Twilight Twinkle, who wants all of the town's precious taco sauce for her high school's Fearsome Fiesta. Her aide-de-camp, Pinkie Pie, strikes up a conversation with Zecora, and they both agree that this world sucks a lot more than the last one. To undo it, they climb Mt. Zebramenjaro, and ask Nightmare Moon's lingering spirit if she'll maybe reset time.
Nightmare Moon can't really be bothered (she has a lot of trouble with "meaning"). The plan is almost undone when Twilight Twinkle arrives to personally put a stop to it, but she accidentally runs into a tree and snaps her neck, because the curse from the last world followed her to this one. Nightmare Moon laughs, and decides to reset the world out of gratitude for breaking through her clinical depression and helping to remind her what feelings are.
Zecora wakes up to Discord and Demon!Sunset at her door. "D'you have any eyedrops?" Discord asks while chugging a bottle of taco sauce. "The last optometrist we spoke to was unnecessarily hostile."
Zecora smiles. All is as it should be.
Twilight's Memento Mori: When Rainbow Dash dies of a fatal heart attack after performing a rainboom with Twilight, the Purple Princess of Friendliness ventures into the depths of Hell itself to free her soul from the torments of Neightan.
All of which happens off screen. The story picks up with Rainbow Dash having her scrambled eggs chewed for her by Twilight. Twilight suddenly inhales her mouthful and chokes to death. Rainbow sighs. "Not again..."
Sunset Shimmer and Discord GO TO THE OPTOMETRIST: Discord pranks Sunset Shimmer by blowing a handful of crystal dust into her eyes, reawakening her latent demon side and filling her with a lust for CRISTULLLLLLZ. Discord takes her to an optometrist to get some eye drops.
Unfortunately, the optometrist is the still-spurned Twilight Velvet, who prescribes Sunset a bottle of taco sauce instead of eyedrops. Wat a tweest!
The Meaning of the Stars: Chrysalis is released from her imprisonment, and offers to make amends to a deeply depressed Twilight. Twilight wordlessly gives her a plate of scrambled eggs and leads her into Rainbow Dash's nursery, tripping and breaking her neck six times along the way.
Ashes of the Wheel: A bunch of Horse War 2 veterans perform a ritual to bless the hull of a new battleship. Then the world ends, and they do it again, except they're in high school, blessing the new paint job of someone's totally tubular 'Stang. He's planning to use it to impress the hottest girl in school into going to the end of the year Fearsome Fiesta with him, but the car won't start, there's a badger in the engine block who won't leave, and worst of all, he's got a zit on the end of his nose! And the fiesta's tomorrow!
Major bummage, dude.
The Putri Path: Zecora's hometown is raided one day by the self-proclaimed Malevolent and Fearsome but Also Pretty Hot God-Empress Twilight Twinkle, who wants all of the town's precious taco sauce for her high school's Fearsome Fiesta. Her aide-de-camp, Pinkie Pie, strikes up a conversation with Zecora, and they both agree that this world sucks a lot more than the last one. To undo it, they climb Mt. Zebramenjaro, and ask Nightmare Moon's lingering spirit if she'll maybe reset time.
Nightmare Moon can't really be bothered (she has a lot of trouble with "meaning"). The plan is almost undone when Twilight Twinkle arrives to personally put a stop to it, but she accidentally runs into a tree and snaps her neck, because the curse from the last world followed her to this one. Nightmare Moon laughs, and decides to reset the world out of gratitude for breaking through her clinical depression and helping to remind her what feelings are.
Zecora wakes up to Discord and Demon!Sunset at her door. "D'you have any eyedrops?" Discord asks while chugging a bottle of taco sauce. "The last optometrist we spoke to was unnecessarily hostile."
Zecora smiles. All is as it should be.