Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

True Colors · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
#1 ·
· · >>Prompted_by_Raridash
Anyone game for the #1 message? I'm too busy today.

Oops. :P
Post by Prompted_by_Raridash , deleted
#3 · 6
· · >>Trick_Question
What? TBD again?! Come on guys, I thought you were more creative than that!
#4 · 3
I really hope I'll be able to do this contest. Hurricane Irma might be hitting my area soon, so I may not have power for a few days. Hopefully, it'll only be a glancing blow and I'll be able to upload it on time.
#5 ·
· · >>Hivemind
I honestly feel bummed for sitting out of last round. I'll do my best to participate this time, though.
Maybe even draw something!
#6 · 3
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa >>CoffeeMinion
I really hope at least one other person writes Embrax this round so it's not obvious which entry is mine. <.<
#7 · 1
· · >>horizon >>Trick_Question
What would you do if the winning prompt is "No Interspecies Shipping of Any Kind"?
#8 · 1
Hearing that brings to mind the perennial meta-prompt of trying to mimic the style and/or character preferences of a fellow participant for the sake of throwing off attempts at guessing...

I call Skywriter! Cadance a-go-go!!
#9 · 1
Muahahahahaha! My plan came to fruition!

#10 ·
· · >>CoffeeMinion >>RogerDodger

If you click "Voting" it shows you the prompts and it looks like there's a counter counting down the time left to vote. But you can't vote because it does this even before voting begins.
#11 · 1
· · >>RogerDodger
IMO that's a desirable feature. I think it's fun to get a sense of what's coming, and I've occasionally changed my submission in response to what's out there.
#12 ·
Man, whoever keeps posting "where are those who were before us" is really determined. I don't think I'll end up voting for it, but props for keeping it up.
#13 · 2
· · >>Not_A_Hat
I think you're right that this is confusing, but the fix would be not showing the prompts until voting starts, which as >>CoffeeMinion points out is probably less fun.
#14 · 4
· · >>Trick_Question >>Trick_Question
Well, you could maybe show all the prompts under 'prompt submission' until voting starts. With a space for yours at the top of the list or whatever. Then hide that and show the stuff under 'voting' after voting starts.

Alternately, adding a day to the the timer under 'voting', so it shows the actual stop time for the voting phase, might help. Or adding something like 'voting begins in' to show it's counting down to the start of voting might work.
#15 · 5
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Have Thorax turn into a dragon.
#16 ·
I like this idea.
#17 ·
Er, to be specific, I like the idea that you get to see all the prompts submitted thusfar under 'prompt submission' instead of the voting area.
#18 · 6
This is the water, and this is the well. Drink full, and descend. Cold Comfort.

Betcha Can’t Tag God. What Do You Mean I’m Not…?

Something Wicked This Way Comes, Errant, To Form a Star. There was a king reigned in the East. Serendipity, Wind and Fury, Creative Destruction.

Not Asking for the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars. Take a Picture–Legends of Equestria: The Scrimshawed Horn. True Colors, White Lies; There Is Nothing New Under The Sun.

Where Are Those Who Were Before Us? Searched For, but Never Found. Those We Leave Behind Got Something Going for Them.

And Then They All.... Pony Up or Die! For Want Of A…

A Love to End a Nation.
#19 · 3
>>Zaid Val'Roa

Same here. I was taking a long break from writing to get my head on straight, but now I feel as if I can't even write at all.
Regardless, I'll do my best!
#20 · 3
>>Zaid Val'Roa
I'd write a story about forbidden interspecies shipping, of course. That prompt is literally about making interspecies shipping work.
Post by Garzeel , deleted
#22 · 5
· · >>CoffeeMinion

“There’s no sense in writing further–all good tales have been related,”
So they said, and I accepted–let my talent fallow rest.
Turned to chatting and to crosswords, and I read till I was sated
Mining quips from old dear poems I had resting in my breast.

Till a hidden voice came rising from the weary edge of chaos
And it spoke to all the wonders I’d been hoarding in my heart.
“We are out there–we are writing–we will let no one gainsay us–
For we dance among the Muses. Come and join us, here’s the start!”

And bring more ponies.
#23 · 2
Welcome to the party!
#24 ·
Passing up this round. Too much work, too pony. Rejoice, you won't have to read, etc.
#25 ·
I want to participate sooo much, but I'm too busy in this period... guess I'll have to pass :(
#26 · 2
Thank you for this. Sometimes I fear that my ideas are just weird, and/or that I peaked 1 or 2 years ago and have largely been in decline since then. This is good encouragement to do the thing anyway. ^^
#27 · 2
Alright, I have a concept, and an idea of hot to pull it off. Let's see if I can do it.
#28 · 1
· · >>Fenton >>horizon
Also, before anyone else has the chance to do it before me: Gratuitous Cyndi Lauper.
#29 · 1
· · >>horizon
>>Zaid Val'Roa
#30 · 2
· · >>CoffeeMinion
Everypony was changelings.
#31 ·
· · >>Baal Bunny
I forgot this was on this weekend till just now. Phew.
#32 · 2
Would It Matter If They Were?

#33 · 1
· · >>Morning Sun
>>Morning Sun

Well, you got nearly half an hour head start on me. Seems unlikely I'll be in this round...

#34 · 1
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa >>Light_Striker
>>Zaid Val'Roa >>Fenton
And here I was thinking Asia.

Woot, my prompt won! Now I have to figure out how to create plausible deniability for my Embrax fic what to write ...
#35 · 1
· · >>CoffeeMinion
Wait, are you saying people actually write stuff for these events rather than retroactively shoehorning existing half-written stories into the prompt?
#36 ·
I didn't get any notifications for this contest to my email (gmail) this time. Grrr...

That said, the prompt-title already exists: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/5646/true-colors In fact, we featured it on the EFNW Fanfic Spotlight the first year I ran it. https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/317936/everfree-northwest-fanfic-spotlight-4

So, contest aside, I seriously suggest everyone read that story. It's one of those rare things from the early fandom that's still undiscovered yet beautiful.

Now, how do I write my own story on this prompt that has nothing to do with that?
#37 ·
>>Zaid Val'Roa
I'll confess I had the idea for the one I'm writing now a month or more ago, and I stubbed-out possible short/long descriptions for it that could work for FimFiction, but that's all. Very glad the prompt seems to work for the idea; I went back tonight and re-read those descriptions and words just started happening. :-P
#38 · 3
· · >>georg
Ember leads a panel on the nature of draconity and whether it requires being reptilian: “True Coilers”.
#39 ·
Gaaaaa!! That's this weekend? I thought I checked my email!

Oh. I did check my email...
#40 · 2
>>Light_Striker Followed by a discussion when it is found out that dragons lack color vision. 'Two Colors"
#41 · 2
First time I write in a Short Stroy round and I get nothing for a whole day. Now my fingers won't stop and I'm not sure whether to be terrified or ecstatic! What do I do?!

Edit: Holy crap! They're right. A picture really is worth a thousand words!
#42 · 3
There are six stories named "True Colors" on Fimfiction.

There are five more stories named "(something) True Colors" or "True Colors (something)".

For buck's sake, guys: think up some titles that don't make me have to keep tabbing back to your story to remember what the story was about~!
#43 · 5
· · >>horizon
Ugh, am I the only one who wishes that I could just buy a good story idea from someone else? FIM Short Story rounds are my favorite, and I really don't want to miss out again.
#44 · 3
· · >>Bachiavellian


... Eeeeeeeemmmmmmbbbrrrrraaaaaaaaaaxxxx
#45 · 3
· · >>007Ben >>Trick_Question
... I mean, seriously, how long has it been since the episode, and there still isn't a single Thorax + Ember romance on the site?

What's up with that? I mean, I know I suck about getting stories published, so the lack of a Horizon Embrax story is just sort of the default, but how is this ship not a gigantic cruise liner filled with the entire fandom taking a vacation from their Appleshys or Harshlestias or Spikinkies or whatever people were OTPing before?

#46 · 2
Aaagh! Damn you, length limit! That was the most beautiful piece of scenery porn I've written in months. Don't you *dare* make me cut it for length!
#47 · 1
Blarg this one's long. It's gonna be cut city if I can get the time to finish it. :raritydespair:

Curse you, persistent need for nightly unconsciousness!
#48 · 1
· · >>Rao
Well, it's down the last day and I've got nuthin'. Since I went off-campus to go on FimFiction and YouTube much of today (they're blocked on my campus), I'll be doing my homework tomorrow. Chances of getting 2000 words together is rather nonexistent.

>>horizon Somebody posted a dragon/changeling foal in one of my Facebook groups the other day.
#49 ·
Let me teach you the ways of the VPN, my child, and all the sites in all the world will be yours (at reduced speeds, probably, but available nonetheless).
#50 · 2
Sometimes you get an idea for a fic that seems to mesh perfectly with who you are and things you want to say.

In my case, I was going to write True Carapace, a story about the changeling from the recent episode who feels like they were metamorphosed into the wrong color chitin. Plenty of room for drama and comedy (the latter from extremism, e.g. "color is a social construct"), and I'm trans so I have a huge well to draw from.

Problem is, I'm just not interested in writing about that right now. There isn't anything I want to say in that domain at the moment. As most of you know, if I don't have a message, I can't write.

But then...

I remember the things I'm good at writing, and what really interests me, so I get another idea.

Maybe it'll come together in time (I'm starting work now).

Maybe it won't (again, I'm starting work now).

We'll see. :rainbowdetermined:
#51 ·
There is, silly! If you count the nanofic contest and/or my blog, at least.

Eventually it will be in a compilation, but I need two more nanofics before I will have enough words to publish my nanothology.
#52 · 1
· · >>horizon
So Hurricane Irma hasn't cut me off yet, but something even worse happened...I couldn't get a firm idea of what to write! XD

That, combined with the fact that I spent the last two days helping my family members put up window boards for the hurricane, has left me rather tired and reluctant to sketch anything up. I'll sit this one out, but I'll be sure to check out the stories the rest of you write.
#53 · 1
· · >>CoffeeMinion
Damn it all! I've got an idea that fits this prompt really well.. But I just can't seem to sit down and get it to flow out! :/
#54 · 1
· · >>CoffeeMinion
I had a really, really crummy week, and next week only stands to get crummier. I want to get my idea out and posted today, and I'm gonna do my best to get that done, but I've got so much other work to do...

I haven't missed a long-form pony writeoff since I started doing these, and I don't want this to be the month where I break that trend.
#55 · 9
Ah! The perfect idea! :pinkiehappy:

Twilight casts a spell that changes the colors of the Elements of Harmony, rearranging everypony's cutie marks! Then she casts another spell to fix that problem, and then for some reason she grows wings.

No, wait. That's a terrible idea. :facehoof:

Back to the drawing board...
#56 ·
My story is flowing like a river when I can get butt-in-chair time, but my wife is on-call this weekend and I passed out cold last night, so it's just one of those things. :-/

I really hate missing a Pony round too...
#57 · 2
>>Baal Bunny
Just stream of consciousness if need be!
#58 · 2
I don't think I can perform today, I'm afraid. I have an excellent idea but my headspace is weird because I've been a little ill lately.

If I don't enter this time, my apologies; but best of luck to all. :twilightsmile:
#59 ·
Ugh.. My initial idea just isn't working out.. I have little time left to write... And my replacement idea is just too vague...

I HATE missing a single round, let alone two in a row.. But I'm just not sure I'm going to be able to manage this one. :/
#60 ·
My text pipes are jammed with other things.

Good luck, everypony.
#61 · 3
· · >>Rao >>horizon
AHHhhh I'm doing this for the first time and I've been up writing for at least twelve hours straight, and it feels really good and nothing like this has happened in a long time, but what if I don't finish on time AHHHhhh.

Anyway, this is fun. Thanks for this. Hi everyone.
#62 · 3
· · >>WillowWren
Welcome to the party, Willow. Always glad to see fresh faces/faceless question marks.
#63 ·
Hi >>Rao ! Thank you! I look forward to facing myself later.
#64 · 3
I managed to finish, and thankfully my internet hasn't died. Now let's edit until I go to sleep and see if I can finish up a drawing.
I wish the best for everyone this round!
#65 ·
· · >>horizon

... Shit, I've got nothing. Maybe I'm more burned out than I thought.

UUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH. See you guys next month I guess.

Actually tried to put an outline together, but nothing ever gelled. All of the conflicts I came up with were crap; I just kept looking at it and asking myself "But what's the point?".
#66 · 2
· · >>horizon
*writing intensifies*

++EDIT: This is going to be cutting it mighty fine, but completing this sucker might be on the raggedy edge of realistically possible...++
#67 · 3
Willow! Good luck; we'll race the deadline together. :)

;_; The United Navies of OTP thank you for your effort regardless. *salutes*

Go go go!

Stay safe, man. That's the big thing.
#68 · 6
· · >>AndrewRogue
You guys, I... I don't know. I turned something in, but I don't know what the hell it is. I didn't even edit it, man, I just, I wrote it disjointedly over a period of hours and threw it into the submission box and said hai, dekimashita!

I don't know if I can bring myself to read it. I'm just. My brain is full of.

Need to lie down now.
#69 · 3
You got it in, mate. Good or bad, you got it in. That's what counts.
#70 · 4
I got two submissions in! That hasn't happened in years!
#71 · 5
Phases of Writeoff Writing
- Oh, this is going to be the prompt? I'll never think of anything.
- This might work, if I stretch it.
- Writing this is like pulling teeth. I'll never get done.
- Ok, now I have too much. I'll have to prune. (optional)
- I suppose it looks ok, but I should edit.
- Well, that's about as well as I can edit it.
--- Deadline passes
- Oh, I can't believe I left that in there.
- It's a disaster. I should pull it out.
--- First round voting over ---
- Well, it must not be that bad, even with all the typos.
--- Final done --
- Not bad. I still need to do a lot of work on this before I think of publishing.

I'm up to "That's about as well as I can edit it" now, and am going to bed.
#72 · 4
Half way done... 5 hours left... work in the morning... LETS DO THIS!
#73 · 6
I feel like my experience every writeoff maps really well onto the cliched poor bar experiences.

Bring a really bad idea home, fool around with it for a bit, realize I'm getting worn out and hurry up to finish, pass out, and wake up filled with a distinct feeling of shame and regret, wishing I could take it all back.

Which is to say, story submitted.
#74 · 3
The Great Work is complete! Ia! Ia! Fanfic fhtagn!

*slumbers eternally*

*or at least for as long as the children of Chthulhu will allow*
#75 · 5
Go go gadget everybody!
#76 · 3
Spent all weekend working on the story, and stayed up until 6AM (right now) finishing it. It's submitted, it's got loads of issues, but it's done.

Now, time for three hours of sleep. Who needs functioning organs, anyhow?
#77 · 3
Wa-hey! Managed to get this thing hammered into reasonably submittable shape with two whole hours left on the clock! And submitted, even!

... Which leaves me with the dilemma of: Do I try to make the ending not suck with the time I've got left, or get some actual sleep before work? Decisions, decisions ...
#78 · 6
· · >>Fenton
I'm editing horsewords at work while code compiles. Tell nobody.
#79 · 4

Submitted with ten seconds left on the clock. My shitty connection had scared me, I thought I wouldn't be able to submit it, even though it was finished. Unfortunately for you, my story is in, so you'll have to read an mess of misspelled words. Mwahahahaha!
#80 · 2
· · >>Monokeras
Glad to see some old names back in the mix. GaPJaxie and especially Pascoite. Can't wait to see what they came up with.
#81 ·
>>Cold in Gardez
Yeah! Two more reasons not to get into finals! :P
#82 · 3
· on The Pink Beneath the Gray · >>AndrewRogue

This was a really enjoyable character piece, one which reminds me how good Slice of Life can be.

The interactions between Pinkie and Mayor Mare were endearing, and my only complaint is that I wish we coul have had more scenes with them talking, and bonding, and getting to know each other more so Mayor Mare had a more defined character arc. Right now she opens up to Pinkie a bit too quickly in my opinion. I wish the change could have been more gradual, but other than that, this was a solid entry.
#83 · 1
· on Severe Weather Appreciation Week
(Reads Severe Weather Appreciation Week first because of Real World context) Ah, so we can blame this week on Rainbow Dash Vacations in Florida :)

Best line: Other ponies just had poor priorities.

I read that in Rainbow Dash's voice. Awesome.

Bring the storm! The lightning!
(It just needs Bugs Bunny with a conductor baton.)
#84 · 4
· · >>horizon
Aaaahhhhhh dammit I literally woke up two hours past deadline and realized I could add 15 words to the middle of my story which just made the entire thing fall thematically together

... Well, I guess we'll see how the incoherent version does. D:
#85 · 1
· on For The Moon, The Night
I did get an inkling of what was happening early on, but I loved the surprise.
It didn't end exactly how I expected, but the ending was a great twist. I definitely was not expecting that to be the cause.

Since I haven't read any other stories yet, this one tops and bottoms my slate, though more tops than bottoms.
#86 · 1
· on Violets · >>Fenton >>MrExtra
This was really heartwarming, and I mean it. There are some good emotions in this story, though perhaps they needed a bit more room to breathe.

A lot of the scenes felt like short skits that didn't tie into the whole story in any particular order. Also, I was expecting Scootaloo to play a larger role than just Rainbow Dash's sattelite, maybe serve as some sort of thematic parallel between Dash and her uncle and Scootaloo and Dash. Also, there's the matter of the story stopping rather than properly ending. It's not as though it needed much to get a better ending, just have Dash have one final thought about her uncle and you're set.

Still, this was an enjoyable story. Well done.
#87 ·
· on For The Moon, The Night
*screams of delight*

Well, I can think of no possible way for this to be better. Amazing job, author, simply amazing.
#88 · 1
· on The Truth Hurts · >>GaPJaxie
Oh, um, ok. Not sure what to think about this one. I think I'm getting a "lol" feeling.

But, all the same, thank you for your participation.
#89 · 9
· · >>Fenton
A brief note for the new folks:

Welcome! Thank you for submitting your story. I'm sure I'm speaking for everyone when I say we're glad to have you here.

Now that the stories are in, people tend to go through and offer reviews and/or criticism. Just as there are different kinds of stories, so there are different kinds of feedback. The goal is typically to keep this constructive and useful, though be aware that sometimes that doesn't happen.

Feel free to contribute feedback if you want! Be aware that others are doing so as well. Whatever you do, please make sure not to compromise your anonymity until your story shows up with your name next to it in the Gallery. There's no special notification of whether your story made it to finals or not, other than to check that view.

Also be aware that the Writeoff tends to draw some very established and talented participants, so please don't get discouraged no matter how things turn out. Someone's going to have to come in last place no matter how strong the field may be. Competing for Horse Points (TM) is certainly diverting, but the more important thing is to keep growing as an author.

Now get out there and start reading & voting!
#90 · 2
Keep those comments movin', though they're disapproving, keep those reviews crusing, fanfiiiic

Head canon, love, and fan rage. Hellbent for the front page. Wishing, waifu was by my side.

All the things I'm missing, like publishable fiction, are waiting at the end of my ride.
#91 · 2
· on Le Solitaire · >>MLPmatthewl419 >>Fenton >>Garzeel
That was lovely, and I must commend your ability to make me care about these characters in little over 5k words.

Which is why I believe the story's shortcomings aren't due to your lack of skills as an author but probably due to other factors. Lack of time? Started to write too late? Writer's block? House was flooded and had to fight the sharks that swam in? Whichever the case, I feel this story only skimmed the surface of its potential. The relationship between Palette and Du Hast Hoc was barely brushed upon (Hah!) even though it is arguably the most important one in the story. Likewise, Silver and Syccamore shone in the small parts they had, but they never got properly fleshed out.

The foundation for a great character piece about an artist finding meaning through his craft is there, and I trust you can deliver with a little bit of time.

Also, I'm sorry if your house did get flooded.
#92 · 5
Well, I got... something in at the last minute (sleep is so sweet). I apologise to everyone who reads it. It will be better when it hits fimfic. I'm ashamed but not sorry at all, and giddy to boot.

Congrats to everyone who submitted!
#93 ·
· on Friendship is Strawberries · >>MLPmatthewl419 >>georg
S1 fanfiction in this year and age? You spoil me, author. I don't know how to feel about the lack of Beatles references, though.

Anyway, this was... Nice. Really nice. Each of the M6 had a little time to shine and we also get some solid character interactions. All in all, a very enterteining and somewhat nostalgic story. It pains me to not have much else to say. I would have liked to know a bit more of the history of the Fields, or more about Twilight's past experiences with strawberries.
#94 · 4
I couldn't have said it better.

I just want to add that, usually, we have two people (>>QuillScratch and >>Not_A_Hat) organising a little podcast on the Discord server, where they talk about some stories selected by the audience. I said usually because sometime, they tend to get lazy :p
So feel free to join to listen to what they have to say (know that if you can't be around at the time it is airing, there may be a record available)
#95 · 2
· on Violets · >>Rao >>horizon >>MrExtra
I'll both agree and disagree with >>Zaid Val'Roa here.
I had the same feelings, but they weren't in the same amount.
You indeed have some great and heartwarming moments between your characters, and your structure and your premise is interesting enough to keep me at least engaged until the end.

However, you may have more than 7,000 words, but your whole story feels cramped. We have many characters (citing them by memory: Rainbow Dash, her parents, Scootaloo, Sirrocco, Sirrocco's twins, Sirroco's dad, several members of the Wonderbolt, Gale — who I guess was one of Sirrocco's wife, and probably others I forgot). That's a bit too much. While I must admit each one felt they had their moments, I'd have liked to have less characters and to spend more time with them.
Also, there are a lot of different scenes. And even though none felt pointless or anything like that, I have to echo >>Zaid Val'Roa saying that your whole story needs more room to breathe. We switch from one scene to another and sometimes, the connection doesn't feel tied enough.
As for the tone, I have some mixed feelings about it, especially around the beginning. Something tragic happenned, but we still see characters teasing each others, like if nothing had happened. I understand that life don't always stop when these sort of things occur, but the tone keeps switching back and forth between a sad tone and a slice of life tone. Maybe think about keeping one tone per scene.

Anyway, I feel like, once again, I spent more words talking about what I didn't like and not enough on what I liked. So all in all, you have a compelling story to tell. My main concerns all relate to the fact that this story needs morte time and words. Your premise is engaging, the conclusion, while a bit rushed, feels satisfying, and I wouldn't cut anything from it. It's quite the opposite.

So thank you for writing, and good luck on expanding it for FimFiction (if that's your plan).
#96 · 1
· on Don't Leave Me With Myself
Hm. An odd mix of humor and seriousness.

I think it would have been better had you ended it at "The coolest." As it is now, you go from the seriousness of fighting, to fears, to making up. And then five short paragraphs of humor. It doesn't feel quite right.

Everything else is great, though! Thanks for your contribution!
#97 · 1
· on The Pink Beneath the Gray · >>AndrewRogue
Triple yes for this one. From the beginning to the very end, it was cute and heartwarming.

Pinkie's voice is on top, with a good balance of already existing lines from the show and made up ones. So good job with that.

About the story, it's quite fitting the tone of the show, and I love when someone manages to get closer to it.

As for the pace, even if there isn't anything really out of the ordinary, switching from one POV to the other, there is still this little part with Pinkie asking ponies what they think of Mayor Mare.

My only complaint would be about Mayor's voice, which lacked un je-ne-sais-quoi that would make it stronger. But aside from that, it is a very compelling and solid story. Thank you very much for sharing.

Applejack bucked the tree behind her [...]. “Well, I can tell you that the Apples wouldn’t be the Apples if it weren’t for Mayor Mare."

#98 ·
· on Luna Upon Sulva · >>S.K. >>horizon
September is the coolest month, reading
Ponies out of the Writeoffs, mixing
Poetry and philosophy, stirring
Hearts with blank verse.
Readers point out flaws, noting
"thoughtest" in line one, opening
weak with Ye Olde Englishe tongue-tangles, yet

In galleries the poems gather, elegant,
Echoing TS Eliot.

[Full review later, probably much later; there's a lot here to let sink in. But my impression already is that this is soaking with ambition and in places there's a lot of beauty dripping out.]
#99 ·
· on Friendship is Strawberries · >>georg

It's been too long since I've read a good S1 fic. And while I echo what >>Zaid Val'Roa said about history, I do not feel it is very important.

Great job, and thank you for participating.
#100 ·
· on Wasting Time
These crazy ponies and their crazy omnitemporal crystal technology.

This was quite fun, although none of the links redirecting to a specific part of the List of Ponies wiki article don't work well, and makes you wonder why Twilight hasn't looked into the mechanics of the map a bit more. Be that as it may, this was a fun little story that delivered on a few chuckles. I don't really see how to expand this beyond what has been presented in a way that doesn't feel like padding, so I fing myself short of constructive criticism.