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Horse crazy songslinger learning to story.
Congratulations to all the finalists! And much appreciation for everyone providing so much thoughtful feedback on all these stories.
I read my slate and a few more, but fell behind on commenting. Though I'd have liked to offer critique before any author names were revealed, I hope it's okay to continue responding post-prelims to some of the stories that didn't make finals. /n00b
I read my slate and a few more, but fell behind on commenting. Though I'd have liked to offer critique before any author names were revealed, I hope it's okay to continue responding post-prelims to some of the stories that didn't make finals. /n00b
AHHhhh I'm doing this for the first time and I've been up writing for at least twelve hours straight, and it feels really good and nothing like this has happened in a long time, but what if I don't finish on time AHHHhhh.
Anyway, this is fun. Thanks for this. Hi everyone.
Anyway, this is fun. Thanks for this. Hi everyone.
I don't have much to add at this point in the way of constructive criticism; folks above covered the bases pretty well. I liked the same stuff that >>CoffeeMinion and others talked about liking. Really enjoy Twilight's characterization, both her formidable intelligence and her adorable nerdiness. And this made me laugh. I would definitely read any expansion on it, which could only make it better. I'm not that familiar with the world on the other side of the mirror, but you got me to like and care about the people in it. Well done!
I gotta say it's a little weird that (even as mare-on-mare shipping is pretty standard in pony stories) a relationship between two (presumably) human women is called out for just existing.
Without much else going on in the narrative, I guess you might see the standard plot and think it's a "revolutionize instantly: just add same-sex relationship" gimmick. People do stuff like that, sure. But when characters depart from your expected default, their differences don't have to be a function of the plot or a political statement. Lesbians don't have to do Lesbian Things to justify their presence in a story. They can just be there. Unremarked on, even.
Without much else going on in the narrative, I guess you might see the standard plot and think it's a "revolutionize instantly: just add same-sex relationship" gimmick. People do stuff like that, sure. But when characters depart from your expected default, their differences don't have to be a function of the plot or a political statement. Lesbians don't have to do Lesbian Things to justify their presence in a story. They can just be there. Unremarked on, even.
I think I've got this. It could use some proofreading, and I'm not sure about all the stylistic choices--it's hard to tell dialogue from narration in some places, for example. But I'm impressed by the originality of the plot.
The opening tension is strong, with one character being chastised by another for somehow ruining the party's new weapons while camped at a vital save point in the south half of the dungeon. Now they'll have to run into the boss battle tonight and end the Dancing Goat's reign of terror with their bare hands.
There's some comedy as the speaker tries to get the attention of the rest of the party as they eat grapes and set up shelter for the night (stirring up a nest of metallic mechanical rats in the process. Eek!) I don't know if the section about the shelves was entirely necessary, and I don't know how or why the merchant/horseflesh buyer would have those supplies with them.
It's not a big deal, though, because the next sequence with the party surfing in on wise old turtles is truly epic. I like that the canid shifter chose to do her own thing and run free, but had to deal with the consequences of hitting a patch of nettles.
I might get some static on this, but I think the giraffes are symbolic. And I guess the whole Dancing Goat thing was just a team building exercise?
I started getting overwhelmed at this point, unfortunately. There's just a little too much going on here for a minific.
The opening tension is strong, with one character being chastised by another for somehow ruining the party's new weapons while camped at a vital save point in the south half of the dungeon. Now they'll have to run into the boss battle tonight and end the Dancing Goat's reign of terror with their bare hands.
There's some comedy as the speaker tries to get the attention of the rest of the party as they eat grapes and set up shelter for the night (stirring up a nest of metallic mechanical rats in the process. Eek!) I don't know if the section about the shelves was entirely necessary, and I don't know how or why the merchant/horseflesh buyer would have those supplies with them.
It's not a big deal, though, because the next sequence with the party surfing in on wise old turtles is truly epic. I like that the canid shifter chose to do her own thing and run free, but had to deal with the consequences of hitting a patch of nettles.
I might get some static on this, but I think the giraffes are symbolic. And I guess the whole Dancing Goat thing was just a team building exercise?
I started getting overwhelmed at this point, unfortunately. There's just a little too much going on here for a minific.
Genre: John Hooves Movie
This is well-written. I would have liked to see more variety in the interactions between Octavia and the other ponies in the first scenes. It did feel like the same conversation each time, which certainly justifies her mounting anger. But--okay, when she thinks of telling her mom she wants to check in on her health I thought, "That's a good idea actually, maybe this will show us another dimension of their relationship." It was a little disappointing, I admit, when Mom just got mean right away and flipped her an ultimatum. It does work for building up to the "moment of truth" you planned for Octavia here.
The ending with Vinyl is nice and warm and I like the energy it brings to the story, but like other readers I would have liked to see some of that earlier. Octavia actually bringing Vinyl to a meal/event could have created some interesting opportunities, like showing how these other ponies behave differently (or don't) in her presence.
I don't mind stories like the ones I've heard before, if they're good stories. Some things will keep being told and retold as long as there are people to hear and identify with them. And there will *always* be people who want to hear about forbidden love and underpony triumph. You just keep on improving and writing the best forbidden-love-and-underpony-triumph tales you can.
This is well-written. I would have liked to see more variety in the interactions between Octavia and the other ponies in the first scenes. It did feel like the same conversation each time, which certainly justifies her mounting anger. But--okay, when she thinks of telling her mom she wants to check in on her health I thought, "That's a good idea actually, maybe this will show us another dimension of their relationship." It was a little disappointing, I admit, when Mom just got mean right away and flipped her an ultimatum. It does work for building up to the "moment of truth" you planned for Octavia here.
The ending with Vinyl is nice and warm and I like the energy it brings to the story, but like other readers I would have liked to see some of that earlier. Octavia actually bringing Vinyl to a meal/event could have created some interesting opportunities, like showing how these other ponies behave differently (or don't) in her presence.
I don't mind stories like the ones I've heard before, if they're good stories. Some things will keep being told and retold as long as there are people to hear and identify with them. And there will *always* be people who want to hear about forbidden love and underpony triumph. You just keep on improving and writing the best forbidden-love-and-underpony-triumph tales you can.