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"'There's no sense in going further - it's the edge of cultivation,' So they said, and I believed it -"
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FiM Short Story
9th
58%
261
Le Solitaire
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Original Minific
15th
61%
110
Red Glider
#13701 · 15
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony >>Rao
This'll be the first Writeoff I attempt, wish me luck!

(I'll need it...)
#14062 · 3
· on Le Solitaire · >>WillowWren
I'd planned to respond sooner after finals ended, but life and forgetfulness got in the way.

I'm happy that I wrote this for my first Writeoff entry, but as most of you noticed, the biggest problem is that it is unfinished. I had a whole lot more planned for the ending, and, had I the time to dedicate to writing it, the resolution would've been much more coherent.

That being said, I'm really surprised that this made it to finals, and thankful to anyone who thought it deserved to be there. While I enjoy reading the positive comments, it's a lot easier to agree with the negative ones. There's just so much more that I could of done here, and so much more I would've done had I maximized my writing time.

>>Zaid Val'Roa

Yeah, right off the bat it probably wasn't hard to tell that the story wasn't quite complete. Thank you for the kind words, and I hope that I can turn this into something truly worth reading.

>>MLPmatthewl419

Thank you for posting those blogs, I've found them to be incredibly useful. They'll come in handy when I'm trying to edit this thing.

>>Not_A_Hat

Also another glaring problem, thank you for mentioning it. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to make the actual motivation for the story clearer, and I'm probably going to end up changing around the earlier "learning" scene in order to make the conflict less ambiguous.

>>Fenton

I'm actually surprised that people liked an all OC story. I'm glad that it seems like I'm at least on the right track for characterization, though that could use some more focus as well.

Thanks for reveiwing.

>>WillowWren

Yeah, I have a weird writing style that I'm trying to refine. I'm sorry if this dampened your enjoyment at all.

Thank you for the suggestions; they've given me some great ideas for editing and rewriting.

>>GaPJaxie

Nothing I can dispute here, though not for a lack of trying. Thank you for giving me some deeper insight on the issues you had, and I hope I'll be able to make the story something you can enjoy.

>>CoffeeMinion

Don't ask about the wheat stain line. It's not one of my proudest moments.

Anyways, I feel like I totally butchered the 'ending'. It wasn't meant to end there in the first place; I just needed something to have a finished story for the contest.

I'm glad that it doesn't seem like a complete train wreck for others, but it's still not a conclusion I wanted to write.

As for Sycamore, the poor victim of my negligence, I was hoping he'd come off as a lot more likable. He (along with Silver) has a very interesting backstory that I never got to touch on in this story. I'll work on his dialogue and hopefully he'll be less annoying to read about.

Thank you for your input.

>>libertydude

I'm surprised no one else has mentioned that, for a story about painting, there isn't much actual painting. I'd felt that weakness before I even submitted it.

I'm still trying to come up with a way to present Palette's talent without being plainly informative, but I'll probably stumble across it eventually.

And the message is something that just didn't come out right. I'm hoping that, with a higher word count, the point of the story will become more meaningful.

Thanks for the advice.

>>MrExtra

The thoughts in my doc were all in italics and formatted neatly. I realized about ten seconds after submitting that I'd forgotten to format the story for the Writeoff site, and I died a little on the inside.

And you're not dumping at all. Every peice of criticism I've received on the site so far has been fair and helpful, yours notwithstanding.

I will say once again that the way I ended it just didn't work. I've removed the last little scene and will replace it with something that continues the narrative rather than sloppily concluding it.

As for Sycamore, I did not do my original vision of the character justice. That entire scene I basically described in passing was something I will write out in detail. I was just too focused on wrapping up for the contest that I didn't feel I had enough time.

But again, thank you for the review.
#14434 · 2
·
I'm surprised I finaled again... you guys must really like my-

But in all seriousness, I didn't think I was gonna make it.
#14125 · 1
·
Mine's not very good, but it's in.
#15219 · 1
·
Oi, lets see if I can muster up another fic with an unintelligible/nonexistent ending.

At least I seem to be good at those.