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Bronze medal
Eye of the Storm
Original Short Story
3rd
96%
580
The Girl and Her Robot
Bronze medal
A Matter of Perspective
FiM Short Story
3rd
96%
567
An Old Coot
Silver medal
Here at the End of all Things.
FiM Short Story
2nd
97%
552
No Spring Chicken
Bronze medal
Distant Shores
FiM Short Story
3rd
96%
551
Summer Island
Bronze medal
Out of Time
FiM Short Story
3rd
94%
550
Baggage
Bronze medal
Forbidden Knowledge
FiM Short Story
3rd
94%
545
Not On the Outside
Gold medal
The Devil's in the Details
Original Short Story
1st
100%
520
Phage
Ribbon
Written in the Stars
Original Short Story
5th
85%
484
The Travelers
Ribbon
Title Drop
FiM Short Story
4th
85%
471
Celestiology
Ribbon
The Long Road Home
Original Short Story
4th
86%
469
The River Lady
#15257 · 9
· · >>Light_Striker
Holy frickin' crap, I just submitted my first short story entry in more than a year! Break out the streamers!

But honestly, if I had more time, I would have liked to expand on it a bit more, but I just wrote several thousand words in about six hours (holy crap, have I ever written so quickly?), and it's getting pretty late, here. Gonna make a quick editing pass, then I'm going to pass out. Good luck, everybody!
#21353 · 9
· · >>georg
>>GroaningGreyAgony

During one perfectly nondescript early-morning moment, Twilight was in the middle of pouring herself a cup of coffee in her kitchen. The next moment was a rainbow-colored tumble that happened so quickly that she only felt the twenty or so bumps and knocks and jostles after Rainbow Dash had already thrown her into the puffy bank of a high-altitude stratus cloud.

"You'll be safe here!" screeched the wide-eyed pegasus.

As Twilight felt the bruises settling in from the hypersonic extraction, she calmly rightened the coffee pot still held in her magical grasp and poured the precious remaining trickles straight down her throat.

"Explain," croaked the critically under-caffeinated Princess.

"You've been an Alicorn for like three years!" said Rainbow. "How haven't they ever gotten you yet?"

Rainbow Dash's eyes were enitrely bloodshot, to the point that nothing resembling the color white was visible. Her entire face looked like she had gotten whatever the opposite of a face-lift was, and there was a deeply concerning involuntary twitch in her left wing.

"Use your fucking words, Dash," said Twilight. "Who is trying to get me?"

"Th-the Writers, Twi!They're out of quills again, and they're not afraid to use us to write with!"

With trembling steps, Dash tip toed to the edge of the cloud and peeked down to Ponyville Square below.

"The ones who can't get away—they're good as gone Twi. I saw a baby pegasus, too small to fly, at Sugarcube corner on my way to you. Plucked absolutely clean. The m-monsters."

"Are you sure you aren't over-reacting again, Dash?" Twilight rubbed her eyes with a pinching cloud of magic. "Remember when you destroyed five-point-three million bits of weather equipment 'cause your turtle was sleepy? I had to implement a two percent sales tax increase in Manehattan to pay for that stuff, you know."

"Tank's a tortoise," came the automatic reply. "But this is serious, Twi, I don't—"

"Raaaainbow Dash?" croaked a small scratchy voice, from the ground below. "Rainbow Dash, is that you?"

Dash's eyes widened, and her head swiveled to find the voice. "Scootaloo!"

On instinct, her legs crouched in preparation of a jump, but Rainbow Dash caught herself at the last second.

"H-help me, Rainbow. Please!"

"H-hang in there, little squirt!" Tears threatened to spill from the Element of Loyalty's eyes. "I—I'm here for you!"

"It hurts so much, Rainbow Dash."

"Y-you're a trooper, you tough little thing, you!" said Dash as she backed away from the edge of the cloud. "It'll be over, soon. I p-promise."

Twilight blinked. She blinked again, voluntarily.

"What in my oedipal mother-figure's name was that?"

"It's sad, really," muttered Dash as she curled up into a fetal ball at Twilight's feet. "I think her wings are big enough for her to fly, now. But every time her feathers start growing in, there's another one of these contests. It's an awful cycle."

"Look," said Twilight. "I am not nearly awake enough to begin handling this."

Twilight began tip-toeing closer behind the unaware pegasus.

"I've been up busy all night, and I only have one day left."

Rainbow Dash froze and her eyes popped open, just as a touch of of magic tickled her wings.

"W-what were you doing all night?" whispered Dash.

Twilight smiled widely.

"I was writing, Rainbow."
#7167 · 7
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony >>FanOfMostEverything
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
I haven't done this in ages.

'Twixt my Sheets She's Done my Unicorn Hairs: With Shining's current mental state, Raindolph really should have just gone to Cadence for those hairs.

EDIT: Oh, crap, didn't realize that mash-up was already taken. :P

I Wasn't Prepared for Two Strikes Fading Ever After: Princess Celestia has a horrible student retention rate.

The Perfect Amalgamation: Trixie recalls her lovely evening with a revolting pervert, and only embellishes it a little for the sake of spiting the filthy commoner she calls a friend.

Tired Bright: Celestia quits, and two random farmers wonder where the fuck the sun's gone.
#21762 · 7
· · >>Bachiavellian
Rats and Cats, Only Mostly Dead, Burning Through the Sky...

"Well, That Escalated Quickly."


This is comedy gold, and anyone who disagrees needs to fight me and my future children.
#5362 · 6
· on Proxy Sensible · >>Trick_Question
>>KwirkyJ
Saying this with all of the love in the world, but you really don't need to be defensive about what you've written. As author, you don't need to answer to anyone about how you choose to tell the story in your head. Reviewers are only here to point out things that we think you might have overlooked/need a fresh pair of eyes on. But if this is something you have thought about and disagree with (which is clearly the case here) you are totally free to disregard it without the need to justify yourself.

Still, you have to give your reviewers the benefit of the doubt. Nobody knows for sure what was intentional in a story or not, even more so since we don't even know who wrote what. Just because we point something out doesn't mean we think you did something objectively wrong or that you're a poor writer. We just want to make sure you have all the information possible regarding how your potential readers are interpreting your story.
#14565 · 6
·
I can't believe it, but I got something in. That means I'm still a relevant member of this group, right? :derpytongue:
#15238 · 6
·
I have an idea I actually really like, a thousand words, an outline, and one more day. Heading to bed; I'll see you nerds in the morning.
#17954 · 6
·
>>CoffeeMinion

Mashups!!

As Perfect as Diplomacy Could Be: Twilight and Rarity's wedding almost goes off without a hitch until Celestia vomits on the happy couple.

A- Guidance Services: In the magical and horsey land of Equestria, if little foals don't get 100% on their tests, they're fucking institutionalized.

Soft Catsitter: When Opal the eldritch nightmare unleashes her fantastic and terrifying might, Spike the Undaunted laughs, for he feels nothing at all.

Giswielda's Ecstasy: "Hocus Pocus, it's another Alicorn Princess!"
#22374 · 6
·
>>CoffeeMinion
Due to unfortunate circumstances that have recently developed, I think if I talk in the Discord server, I owe Coffee a quarter. Or a soda, or an icecream, or something. So I'm just gonna do some more Mashups instead.

It's No Sender: In the throes of an Equestrian sex shortage, Cadance breaks into the bedroom of two retired Wonderbolts to get a good whiff of that delicious spent semen smell.

Lover. Bake. Cupcake: It was the fucking bird bath. We can all go home now.

When Pinkiean Knots Collide: Officer Shining Armor arrests Rainbow Dash for making out with his sister. Dash desperately tries to explain that Twilight wanted it.

Bon Contingency: Vinyl Scratch wonders why Octavia doesn't come back for her toothbrush, unaware that she has simply bought a new disposable headpiece from the manufacturer.

Shepherdess Handling a Cupcake: On a whim, Luna asks a flustered Fluttershy to craft a dream for her in which she is "shipped." We're going to have to skip the dream Fluttershy creates, due to rating. Really.
#22438 · 6
· on Part and Parcel · >>Trick_Question >>No_Raisin >>WritingSpirit
Okay, so I have no fucking idea how this story ended up in the top 1/3 of this super competitive round. Especially since it sounded like basically everyone had mixed reactions to it.

.... Thanks, I guess? :P

Retrospective: Part and Parcel

Okay, elephant in the room, like I said in my fake review, I don't have experience with dealing with dementia in myself or my loved ones. That being said, this may come as a surprise to a lot of you, but Ditzy in this story wasn't supposed to have been a depiction of dementia.

I sound crazy, I know.

Canon has already depicted Ditzy multiple times as forgetful, clumsy, and easily distracted. So that's kind of what I was going for here. In my head, her situation isn't deteriorating—it's always been like this. She and her family and her coworkers just know how to deal with it. So basically, what I meant to convey is that it sometimes just slips Ditzy's mind that her daughter isn't 6 anymore, just like how she forgot to go south instead of north in Winter Wrap Up. She slips up sometimes, but she knows how to deal with it.

Well, that was what I was going for. And I probably totally failed on that point, yikes.

Regardless, special thanks must go to >>Pascoite, who will be sorely missed in his mentoring role by at least one.




>>No_Raisin
Although with that said, I'm highly skeptical of physically impaired characters being used for easy emotional points, resulting in your typical "sad bastard" narrative where someone's persona is defined by struggles with things that out of their control.

This wasn't my intention at all. Unbelievably, this was the opposite of my intention. Like I said above, I was trying to depict a Ditzy who was firmly in control of her life, despite her poor memory. My apologies that it came out the wrong way.

That's a really sadistic choice, author, and I can't say I appreciate it too much.

I don't blame you; that's exactly how I'd feel if I had just read the story that did what you described. All I can say is, this really wasn't what I had envisioned. Thanks for leaving your thoughts!

>>CoffeeMinion
Genre: Slice-of-OHGOSHNO

I laughed at this, out loud.

The reveal is like a claw hammer to the face. It’s not even feels in the traditional sense; it just feels bad, man.

I know this probably sounds insane, but one of the things I actually told Pasco during the editing process was that I didn't intend this to be a sad-twist fic. And yet, I guess it kind of turned out that way anyway. I'm happy that it sounds like you liked it, but I will admit that it was a little disappointing to see that you had precisely the reaction that I was trying to avoid.

Thank you for reviewing!

>>GrandMoffPony
I'm really sorry that I forced you to make that comparison. Like I said earlier, I wasn't even thinking about dementia/Alzheimer's when I planned this, which probably makes this the most inconsiderate story I've written. I'm glad you appreciated it on a technical level, but I don't blame you at all if you struggled with voting on it. Thank you for leaving your thoughts.

>>Trick_Question
I want to apologize for the implications you received from this story. All I can say is that I sincerely did not mean to milk sadness from a disabled character. My goal was to depict a character whose difficulties still did not impact the quality or fullness of her life. But I was not thinking about how people who actually have loved ones with memory impairments would react to this. That was foolhardy and rude of me. I really appreciate your review.

>>KwirkyJ
I think you may have come closest to having the reading experience I was going for, but yeah, as I said earlier, dementia wasn't supposed to be a part of that equation. So, while I'm glad that the intended positive spirit did come through in your reading, I totally get your mixed feelings. Thank you for for your review!

>>WritingSpirit
Thank you so much for leaving such a thorough review!

Whether it's done with good intentions, I find, is irrelevant to the conversation, because it'll ultimately lead to a discussion about the author over the entry.

This is a really good point. I wasn't thinking about dementia at all when I wrote this, which was unbelievably stupid of me, and I do deserve criticism for it.

To put it simply, I want to see more of Ditzy past her disabilities.

I know I must sound crazy, but really, that was what I was trying to do from the start. The whole point of the story in my head was to show that being forgetful doesn't stop Ditzy from being the loving, considerate, and thoughtful pony that she is. I really dropped the ball like crazy, for you to have received the opposite impression.

Again, I really appreciate all of your detailed thoughts.

>>Miller Minus
Yeah, the idea that I was going for was that Ditzy has always been at this level of forgetful, and that her condition isn't getting any worse. It's just supposed to be something that she already knows how to deal with.

The fact that basically no one had this interpretation really highlights how this piece failed to do the one goddamn thing I wanted it to. Blugh!

Thank you for your comment! Really appreciate it.

>>Rao
Thank you for leaving your thoughts! Yeah, I wanted to depict Derpy as perfectly capable of taking care of herself, so I'm glad some of those vibes made it through to you. Like I said earlier, this wasn't supposed to be a degenerative/worsening deal. So she herself and everyone around her just know how to handle it. Shame that I dropped the ball with that idea so hard.

>>Flashgen
I'm very glad that you liked the story, despite the flaws that I myself (and a lot of others) had with it. I'm happy that the simple prose worked for you, since it was something that I deliberately decided to go with not just for the sake of the story, but to also kind of push myself out of the invisible prose comfort zone I've entrenched myself into. Thank you for your comment!

>>CoffeeMinion
>>Trick_Question
>>Rao
Derpy Ditzy

(yes her name is DERPY)

While I am absolutely on board the "don't take my Derpy, you villains" train...


Yeah, I know her name's officially and unquestionably "Derpy". It's just that, even after 7 years, "Derpy" still sounds like a bad meme-joke to me, and I struggle to take it seriously. No need to apologize, Rao, I should have made the switch fucking years ago, honestly.




Okay cool, retro's finally done.