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The Case of the Nickering Knickers
“PANTS!” Trixie shouted as she burst through the door of Twilight’s laboratory. Startled, Twilight added a centiliter too much of Geltbaum’s reagent to a beaker, causing a cloud of orange smoke to floof up into her face. Twilight inhaled in surprise, and the magical smoke caused twin lilies to grow from her nostrils.
Twilight blinked behind her safety goggles, then sneezed the flowers away. She whirled to face Trixie. “Pants?” she demanded.
“PANTS!” shouted Trixie again. And indeed, she was wearing a pair of pairs of pants. Her forepants were sequined in red and silver sparkling stripes, and her rearpants were decorated with chevrons of alternating black and violet.
“And… very nice pants they are, Trixie,” said Twilight. “I’m sure that Rarity was glad to finally get them off her clearance rack. But I’m doing a tricky analysis here, so–”
Trixie shook her head. She dragged Twilight to a nearby window and opened the curtains. Twilight gazed down from her palace at a scene of chaos. Confused ponies all over town, as far as she could see, were dressed in gaudy and varied…
“PANTS!” exclaimed Trixie again, shaking Twilight’s shoulder urgently.
“Oh, my! So many pants! What happened…? Oh, dear.” Twilight had noticed a pattern. “Trixie, are you able at present to say any other word than ‘pants?’”
Trixie shook her head, sadly but intently. “Pants,” she explained.
“Okay, then,” said Twilight. “One ‘pants’ for yes, two for no. I’ll query you on the way. Let’s go!”
By the time the two unicorns reached the middle of town, Twilight had learned from many yes-no questions that Sassy Saddles, on visit from Canterlot, had been displaying newly-arrived designs from overseas to a fascinated crowd outside Carousel Boutique. The trouble had started when, in a spirit of fun, she’d tried to model a particularly outré pair of Saddle Arabian pantaloons, of purple and orange silk. But then, a nickering noise like an evil laugh had risen from the pants, and beams of magic had shot into the crowd, enpanting anyone they touched. Trixie had been hit, but fled before the spell had entirely entranced and enslaved her.
“…and then you came to get me,” said Twilight, as she and Trixie threaded their way through the streets, amid ponies decked out in bright, flashy and stunning trousers. “But if it’s just an illusory effect, you should only have to ignore it to go make it go away…”
“Pants-pants,” panted Trixie.
“Oh, you’re right! These pants are too loud to be ignored! We’ll have to try another way.”
They found an opening in the confused crowd, and dived through a breech in the breeches. At the center stood Sassy, entirely under the sway of her nickering knee-length bloomers as they caught more citizens up in their sinister web, forming a protective circle around her.
A bebritched pony came at Trixie, who heard his corduroys chuffing in time and pantsed him, deflecting him into a bush. She congratulated herself quietly; it was best not to get too khaki.
Twilight spotted a nearby hydrant. “Let’s hose them down!” she cried.The gush of water cleared most of the encircled ponies away, but Sassy proved resistant to leader-hosing. “PANTS!” she cried, launching an enpanting beam straight at Twilight!
“PAAAANTS-PAAAAANTS!” yelled Trixie, shoving Twilight out of the way of the blast and taking it herself. Smaller pants appeared on each of her legs as her pants grew extra pairs of pants. “PAAAAANNNTTTS!” Trixie wailed in horror, tripping over the obnoxious fashion disaster. She rallied and tried to pull the evil pants off of Sassy’s flanks, but the waist of the pants only grew tighter the harder she pulled!
Meanwhile, Twilight teleported swiftly behind Sassy. But instead of pulling at the pants, her magic shot out, tearing and widening the tail hole in the rear seam of the pants, which stopped nickering and started to scream. At that moment, Trixie pulled again with all her strength, and the troublesome trousers were pulled free, saving the day!
After all the ponies involved had been debriefed, Sassy had been calmed and sent to the spa, and the knackered knickers had been secured in an anti-magical garment bag for later study, Twilight and Trixie relaxed together over a cup of tea.
“A good job, Twilight!” said Trixie. “But what made you think that would work on Sassy’s pants?”
“Well, it’s possible to be overnice, sometimes,” said Twilight. “When it came down to it, we just had to give her shorts rift.”
Twilight blinked behind her safety goggles, then sneezed the flowers away. She whirled to face Trixie. “Pants?” she demanded.
“PANTS!” shouted Trixie again. And indeed, she was wearing a pair of pairs of pants. Her forepants were sequined in red and silver sparkling stripes, and her rearpants were decorated with chevrons of alternating black and violet.
“And… very nice pants they are, Trixie,” said Twilight. “I’m sure that Rarity was glad to finally get them off her clearance rack. But I’m doing a tricky analysis here, so–”
Trixie shook her head. She dragged Twilight to a nearby window and opened the curtains. Twilight gazed down from her palace at a scene of chaos. Confused ponies all over town, as far as she could see, were dressed in gaudy and varied…
“PANTS!” exclaimed Trixie again, shaking Twilight’s shoulder urgently.
“Oh, my! So many pants! What happened…? Oh, dear.” Twilight had noticed a pattern. “Trixie, are you able at present to say any other word than ‘pants?’”
Trixie shook her head, sadly but intently. “Pants,” she explained.
“Okay, then,” said Twilight. “One ‘pants’ for yes, two for no. I’ll query you on the way. Let’s go!”
By the time the two unicorns reached the middle of town, Twilight had learned from many yes-no questions that Sassy Saddles, on visit from Canterlot, had been displaying newly-arrived designs from overseas to a fascinated crowd outside Carousel Boutique. The trouble had started when, in a spirit of fun, she’d tried to model a particularly outré pair of Saddle Arabian pantaloons, of purple and orange silk. But then, a nickering noise like an evil laugh had risen from the pants, and beams of magic had shot into the crowd, enpanting anyone they touched. Trixie had been hit, but fled before the spell had entirely entranced and enslaved her.
“…and then you came to get me,” said Twilight, as she and Trixie threaded their way through the streets, amid ponies decked out in bright, flashy and stunning trousers. “But if it’s just an illusory effect, you should only have to ignore it to go make it go away…”
“Pants-pants,” panted Trixie.
“Oh, you’re right! These pants are too loud to be ignored! We’ll have to try another way.”
They found an opening in the confused crowd, and dived through a breech in the breeches. At the center stood Sassy, entirely under the sway of her nickering knee-length bloomers as they caught more citizens up in their sinister web, forming a protective circle around her.
A bebritched pony came at Trixie, who heard his corduroys chuffing in time and pantsed him, deflecting him into a bush. She congratulated herself quietly; it was best not to get too khaki.
Twilight spotted a nearby hydrant. “Let’s hose them down!” she cried.The gush of water cleared most of the encircled ponies away, but Sassy proved resistant to leader-hosing. “PANTS!” she cried, launching an enpanting beam straight at Twilight!
“PAAAANTS-PAAAAANTS!” yelled Trixie, shoving Twilight out of the way of the blast and taking it herself. Smaller pants appeared on each of her legs as her pants grew extra pairs of pants. “PAAAAANNNTTTS!” Trixie wailed in horror, tripping over the obnoxious fashion disaster. She rallied and tried to pull the evil pants off of Sassy’s flanks, but the waist of the pants only grew tighter the harder she pulled!
Meanwhile, Twilight teleported swiftly behind Sassy. But instead of pulling at the pants, her magic shot out, tearing and widening the tail hole in the rear seam of the pants, which stopped nickering and started to scream. At that moment, Trixie pulled again with all her strength, and the troublesome trousers were pulled free, saving the day!
After all the ponies involved had been debriefed, Sassy had been calmed and sent to the spa, and the knackered knickers had been secured in an anti-magical garment bag for later study, Twilight and Trixie relaxed together over a cup of tea.
“A good job, Twilight!” said Trixie. “But what made you think that would work on Sassy’s pants?”
“Well, it’s possible to be overnice, sometimes,” said Twilight. “When it came down to it, we just had to give her shorts rift.”
Oh dear Luna, the puns are strong with this one. Gotta admit, I laughed. and had no idea there were so many ways to put so many pants into such a small space.
I am entertained, to say the least.
I am entertained, to say the least.
A+ work as a pun vehicle. That's all there really is here, but then, I'm not convinced that there should be anything more to a tale of this one's... let's say, "caliber." In that spirit, I don't really have any advice for this one: it is what it is, and I don't think I could offer substantial critique that would improve "what it is."
(Okay, one piece of advice if you decide to publish this on FiMFiction, want to troll your readers a bit, and have a LOT of extra time: write a 12,000 word "bonus chapter" of Twilight asking a lengthy series of yes-no questions that ever so slowly, with ever so many digressions, lead to her extrapolating what's happened. Don't put that in the fic, of course, but the idea of it existing off to the side would be funny, albeit a bunch of work for a relatively small payoff)
(Okay, one piece of advice if you decide to publish this on FiMFiction, want to troll your readers a bit, and have a LOT of extra time: write a 12,000 word "bonus chapter" of Twilight asking a lengthy series of yes-no questions that ever so slowly, with ever so many digressions, lead to her extrapolating what's happened. Don't put that in the fic, of course, but the idea of it existing off to the side would be funny, albeit a bunch of work for a relatively small payoff)
The puns are mostly strong in themselves, though the last one is disjointed; there's no explanation of how the "it's possible to be overnice" fit into anything that happened. The overall construction is too over-the-top and goofy for my taste, but it can work for what it is. Turning it into a longer shaggy dog story could be interesting.
What's Geltbaum's reagent, and why isn't Twilight following better lab safety protocol?
What's Geltbaum's reagent, and why isn't Twilight following better lab safety protocol?
It’s hard for a non-native to rate this. I get some puns, but I surely miss some others. Textile and clothing have never been my forte anyways, so I'm not even sure that a perfect French translation would fit the bill either. I’ll therefore abstain.
I don't remember if Trixie was panting at the end of that story, though.
[GGA]
I don't remember if Trixie was panting at the end of that story, though.
[GGA]
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The puns! My goggles do nothing!
I would rate this highly if it was on my slate. As it is, I'm reading out of curiosity. But yeah. -- Showed up on my slate in finals. Huzzah.
Tier: Top Contender
The puns! My goggles do nothing!
Tier: Top Contender
I'll make the pair with >>Monokeras on this one and, therefore, abstain too. I still got some of the puns though, and they were delicious.
I hadn't got the tone with the first paragraph and I was already thinking about raising the fact that Twilight didn't snap at Trixie, but once I got it, I didn't know if it was really worth mentionning it. Well I still did, use it or don't if you expand this for FimFic (and I agree with >>Chris's suggestion for the bonus chapter).
I hadn't got the tone with the first paragraph and I was already thinking about raising the fact that Twilight didn't snap at Trixie, but once I got it, I didn't know if it was really worth mentionning it. Well I still did, use it or don't if you expand this for FimFic (and I agree with >>Chris's suggestion for the bonus chapter).
My thoughts are almost entirely aligned with those of >>Light_Striker; I enjoy my puns, but the overall construction became a bit much for me. That's largely personal preference though; there is no denying that it's a solidly written story, though perhaps it would have had more space to breathe in a short story round.
Thanks for sharing your work.
Thanks for sharing your work.
Twilight had noticed a pattern.
This sentence tells the audience nothing we can't infer from the dialogue.
...wait.
I think it's another pun. It's not a good one, though, because it's far too subtle. I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been knickerpicking. (It might work if you put the noticing closer to the description of the pattern, or explicitly, "while looking down at Trixie's striped pants, Twilight realized there was a pattern" or something.)
I think Twilight would be immediately suspicious of forepants. Those don't exist in the show. Forelegs are where a blouse or shirt would go; never pants (although shoes and socks are fine there). Having Twilight say something like, "Huh. I've never seen forepants before.", and maybe some visuals that make it look like Trixie's crotch is at her chest could be evocative.
...she’d tried to model a particularly outré pair of Saddle Arabian pantaloons, of purple and orange silk...
Twilight is trying to get information about what happened, but I don't think it's realistic she'd ask about the color. It's irrelevant to the problem she's trying to solve. The material and origin, those are believable.
...panted Trixie.
This immediately raises my ranking of this story.
Wait a moment. Why can Twilight now understand Pantlish? That contradicts all the previous text. You need a sentence to support this somehow.
It should be "breach", unless you're trying to overkill the pun.
I have no idea what the ending pun is supposed to be. Short shrift? That's way too much of a stretch (pants), and isn't pants-related either, so that can't be it. I'm pants confused. Pants pants. Pants! (Pants.)
This is a very interesting and enjoyable piece, and with a really unusual premise. The puns were inserted into the narrative well for the most part, and I personally liked them and though they added a good deal of charm to the story.
However, prompt insert aside, this story doesn't really adhere to the writing prompt. Twilight and Trixie's response to the problem – the enchanted pants – isn't to ignore it and hope it'll go away; they directly confront the problem and the story is resolved when the problem has been dealt with.
That said it was fun reading, and I thank you for sharing!
However, prompt insert aside, this story doesn't really adhere to the writing prompt. Twilight and Trixie's response to the problem – the enchanted pants – isn't to ignore it and hope it'll go away; they directly confront the problem and the story is resolved when the problem has been dealt with.
That said it was fun reading, and I thank you for sharing!
Absolutely fantastic from beginning to end and I loved every single sentence. I agree that the theme seems a little shoehorned in (pantshorned in??) but it didn't detract a bit from my enjoyment.
This is absolutely hilarious, and works so well... EXCEPT for the prompt being wedgied uncomfortably into a crack in the middle. Outside of that, great puns.
Nice puns. The story around them... exists. Wish it'd done a little more with the plot, maybe show more of the yes/no conversations and make it a little more clear what's going on. As it stands I don't get much beyond "cursed magic pants, they're bad, Twilight solves the problem via the normal method (shooting magical lasers at it.)"
Yeah, this is an all-in gimmick, just of a different type than some of the others. I'm not sure I buy it being written to the prompt, and I didn't find it overwhelmingly hilarious, so overall this is a miss for me. Thanks for writing, though!
Yeah, this is an all-in gimmick, just of a different type than some of the others. I'm not sure I buy it being written to the prompt, and I didn't find it overwhelmingly hilarious, so overall this is a miss for me. Thanks for writing, though!
I kinda feel the first scene is a bit of a waste here, continuing what the story becomes. Like the change in diction is really extreme, and creates a rather different tone and feel.
Generally fun overall, though that last pun falls hard on its face, I feel, which is a really bad place to end.
Generally fun overall, though that last pun falls hard on its face, I feel, which is a really bad place to end.
>>PaulAsaran, >>Chris, >>Light_Striker, >>Posh, >>horizon, >>Monokeras, >>CoffeeMinion, >>Fenton, >>Ceffyl_Dwr, >>Trick_Question, >>eusocialdragon, >>JudgeDeadd, >>Xepher, >>Ranmilia, >>AndrewRogue
PANTS!
Congrats to Chris and Ceffyl, and thanks to all who thought kindly of my effort. It was another “Didn’t get a workable idea until the night before” sort of thing, so I’m glad it made some people happy.
This story is partly autobiographical. I have an obnoxious habit of dramatically declaiming the word “Pants!” from time to time when it seems that some randomness is called for. I gave Trixie the word and constructed the lab scene, noodled about a bit until I found a pants pun suitable for ending the story, then arranged the other puns to fit. Yes, the story is too compact and rushed, and I will expand it a bit when it goes on Fimfic.
>>PaulAsaran
>>CoffeeMinion
I’m glad you enjoyed it! I had lots of fun writing it.
>>Chris
Yeah, that would be a lot of work. Want to do it as a side story? :)
>>Light_Striker
By “overnice,” I meant that this wasn’t so much a friendship problem as something that had to be solved quickly and directly.
Geltbaum’s reagent is just something I made up on the fly; I may seek a better pony/chemistry pun for the Fimfic version. Twilight isn’t wearing an air filter because having lilies grow from her nostrils is funny.
>>Posh
All right, I confess. I really am horizon. Please assign all the medals from my horizon account to this account as well.
>>horizon
Thanks for the praise! Sometimes, when one jams, one winds up legging it.
>>Monokeras
>>Fenton
Sorry the story was a slip up for you guys. I’ll try to culotte down in the future.
I haven’t been keeping up with recent episodes, but I’d gotten the impression that Trixie had been mostly rehabilitated by now. I will try to make her interaction with Twilight more canon compatible in my revision.
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Ranmilia
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks for your comments! Pants.
>>Trick_Question
Thanks for the analyses; I will consider them when revising pants. Twilight doesn’t suddenly grok Pantish; Trixie is just communicating “No” as in “No, that won’t work,” and Twilight is then realizing why it won’t work and stating it aloud. Pants.
>>eusocialdragon
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Xepher
Yeah, the prompt is a bit of a drop. I am one of those who doesn’t grade strictly on prompt adherence and it’s fair that I practice what I preach. I’m glad you liked it regardless.
PANTS!
Congrats to Chris and Ceffyl, and thanks to all who thought kindly of my effort. It was another “Didn’t get a workable idea until the night before” sort of thing, so I’m glad it made some people happy.
This story is partly autobiographical. I have an obnoxious habit of dramatically declaiming the word “Pants!” from time to time when it seems that some randomness is called for. I gave Trixie the word and constructed the lab scene, noodled about a bit until I found a pants pun suitable for ending the story, then arranged the other puns to fit. Yes, the story is too compact and rushed, and I will expand it a bit when it goes on Fimfic.
>>PaulAsaran
>>CoffeeMinion
I’m glad you enjoyed it! I had lots of fun writing it.
>>Chris
Yeah, that would be a lot of work. Want to do it as a side story? :)
>>Light_Striker
By “overnice,” I meant that this wasn’t so much a friendship problem as something that had to be solved quickly and directly.
Geltbaum’s reagent is just something I made up on the fly; I may seek a better pony/chemistry pun for the Fimfic version. Twilight isn’t wearing an air filter because having lilies grow from her nostrils is funny.
>>Posh
All right, I confess. I really am horizon. Please assign all the medals from my horizon account to this account as well.
>>horizon
Thanks for the praise! Sometimes, when one jams, one winds up legging it.
>>Monokeras
>>Fenton
Sorry the story was a slip up for you guys. I’ll try to culotte down in the future.
I haven’t been keeping up with recent episodes, but I’d gotten the impression that Trixie had been mostly rehabilitated by now. I will try to make her interaction with Twilight more canon compatible in my revision.
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Ranmilia
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks for your comments! Pants.
>>Trick_Question
Thanks for the analyses; I will consider them when revising pants. Twilight doesn’t suddenly grok Pantish; Trixie is just communicating “No” as in “No, that won’t work,” and Twilight is then realizing why it won’t work and stating it aloud. Pants.
>>eusocialdragon
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Xepher
Yeah, the prompt is a bit of a drop. I am one of those who doesn’t grade strictly on prompt adherence and it’s fair that I practice what I preach. I’m glad you liked it regardless.