Hilarious.

The sub caption should read: “Not responsible for underestimating the load bearing capacity of fire-baked mud-bricks.”

>>CoffeeMinion
I personally would have used the phrase “meathead.”
>>CoffeeMinion
Some nimrod got ahold of a dictionary printing company.

>>CoffeeMinion I blame Green Day.

This is well done. The halos make us quite aware of who is who. The colors, the way that everything is presented gives it a real ancient canvas feel. The darkness makes it hard to see the Lower half of the compositions, but that could also be symbolic of the nature of the evil.

Yeah, that’s New York... Are the buildings standing against the sky? I’m guessing that’s it. I don’t think the image has been manipulated, there’s a reason NYC is screwed during storm surges.

Ok, I am intrigued by the stick figure on the left. He looks like he’s freaking out, and I want to know why.

Nice, feel-good picture, with a potential for conflict.

I like how you used the colors to imply emotion for each side.

>>Not_A_Hat
It mirrors life too closely methinks.

This is a very nice rendition. The crenellations are well done, if not 100% consistent around the top levels. You did the whispyness of the clouds very well too.

Why is the tree glowing... This piece raises questions, which is good. I like the style, anatomy is done well, so is the lighting.

This looks like a freaky mutant version of a book I read while I was studying environmental sciences. The book had hand drawn pictures of things that looked almost identical to this style for the animal parts. This picture actually really freaks me out, you have succeeded at raising my hackles.

The lines are remarkably clean, the canvas has faded writing on it. I have no idea how you managed this, even with photoshop.

The abstraction in this piece is amazing. I appreciate how the white blobs, which a layman might mistake for clouds, are actually well placed thought bubbles. This evokes a feeling that the subject is having many incomplete thoughts at once. Also, they are a statue without limbs, showing that they are trapped within the confines of a self created mental prison.

Oh, I have run a Mouseguard game before, and this is completely appropriate. Everything is horrifying and out to kill you when you are at the bottom of that food chain.

Very nice picture of New York. Not much relation to the prompt though...

Ummm... this is definitely... something.

This picture is what I imagine someone would see after hitting a LOT of acid and reading this page while simultaneously watching Tron (original one) and the last unicorn.

>>Not_A_Hat
Metaphor.

Wow. You're obviously exceedingly skilled in this medium; I have a hard time with line variation using a ballpoint pen! The clarity you've given to the forms here, using just black lines of various widths, absolutely floors me.

I'm also impressed by what you've done with the hands. I read a blurb by an artist once about how hands are second only to faces for portraying emotion; you've clearly grasped that here. Even without lips/eyes, the attitudes of the characters are clearly displayed.

I will say, I had to stare at that dog for a good twenty seconds before I realized it was a dog with weird eyes, not some eye-blob monster. I think that's because the nose/browline almost merges with the back, and the... I'm not sure what that shape is. Is it a closed eye? That curved line on its ear kept me from recognizing either the ear or nose immediately.

I'm also curious about the words in the background. The alt-text says 'ink brush on paper'; did you add the words manually? Did you use stationary of some sort and erase the words from the silhouettes somehow? Inquiring minds want to know!

This is probably my favorite so far; a demonstration of excellent technical skill, composition, polish, and intriguing weirdness that won't be easily beaten.

>>No_Raisin
That's interesting. I'd assumed she was wearing blue jeans and a tank top, with a jacket tied around her waist.

But the ambiguity is good. It is meant as inspiration for a story, rather than quite as much a standalone piece. If this told the whole story like, say, the one with the rats and the terrier, there would be much less room for someone to be inspired to write something truly original.

I, also, had failed to notice the runes.

I'm also not 100% sure there isn't a person standing in front of the tree, in shadow.

The choice of black and white for the photograph really adds to the feeling of... whatever that is. I can't pin it down, honestly.

I like this one.

>>Not_A_Hat

I like that we can see the edge of the piece, where the paper shows through. Dunno why, but that seems like a nice touch to me.

You're not the only one! I love that this was done on real paper with actual paint (or done digitally so well that I was fooled!).

And yes, this does have a lot of potential as story inspiration.

>>Moosetasm

The wounds are done well. I don’t know if it was your intent, artist, but I’m pretty sure she’s dying: that one shot will have punctured her liver or one of her kidneys.

No, it's too high. It's damaged either her diaphragm or punctured her thoracic cavity. Each breath she takes will suck in a little more air into her chest, and the next breath will be just a bit smaller. It's a very recent wound, or there would be pink foam (okay, I know it's all grayscale except the lasers but) building up around the wound.

And that thigh wound is dangerously close to the femoral artery. Depending on caliber, type of bullet, and entry angle, that wound could be anything from "limp to the first aid kid and grab a band-aid" to "lethal within minutes, even if she was in a surgery ward right now."

I'm not sure whether she's lying on her back against the window, or floating "weightless" in an aircraft that is plunging downwards. If it's the latter, how in the world is anyone composed enough to aim at her? If it's the former, then her jacket and hair are a bit too... "floaty."

Other than that, and the few nitpicks others have mentioned, I really like this piece. And not just because of the implausible pants. It looks like an interesting world, and an interesting situation that led up to this point.

Them britches ain't doin what britches is supposed to be doin.

>>Not_A_Hat

The halos/hats is another thing. They're probably supposed to be halos, but they're not the ring-shape I'd recognize as a 'solid' halo, nor are they the half-transparent 'glowing' halo, I was at first like 'are these people wearing huge bulbous hats' for a moment, before I caught on. Well, I didn't notice the script there until Roseluck pointed it out, maybe it's more apparent they're something mystical in a higher res or the original medium?

The halos are absolutely textbook. I take it you've never seen a picture of an illuminated manuscript from the middle ages?

>>Hap
I was going to comment back to them, too. The halos look like their straight from the biblical paintings out there. I have to walk past a jesus wearing his crown of thorns every week. I can’t not notice the halo. (Personally, whenever I look at the picture I think he’s wearing a sun hat lol)

I detect some social commentary with this one.

I like the contrasting colors, and this leaves more than enough room for a good story, even if it looks like it was drawn by a child, albeit a very talented child.

I wish we had a more complete picture of big fox boy, but I'm really liking what we're able to see.

There is a lot going on here, but it doesn't feel cluttered, and I like how the creature's blood(?) looks definitely not-human. At the same time you feel kind of sorry for it, even though for all we know it could be villainous.

The way the creature is drawn makes it out as not as eerie as it probably could be, but I'm assuming this was intentional. The fact that we can see its face and eyes so clearly makes us sympathize with it more than the human, who is seemingly gender-ambiguous and seems to have a flaming left fist...? Or is that electricity.

This could make for a great fantasy/horror/tragedy story, methinks.

I feel like I should love this a bit more than I do, but maybe that's because I have a few gripes.

I totally get the halos and the style the artist copped for them, but the placement of the halo for the centaur (half human half deer?) feels off to me, although the halo for the winged dude is perfect.

The halos themselves are meant to evoke religious or mythological imagery, and this battle we're seeing feels like it could be taking place at the top of Mount Olympus, or in the middle of an ancient forest between nature gods. I can also probably guess who drew this, considering some of us have a fetish for this sort of thing.

The winged dude's design is... odd, if you stop to think about it. Where are his legs? Does he even have legs? If the centaur is part deer, then is the winged dude part bird? Why does he had like three pairs of wings? How would you even be able to move around like that? It just seems really cumbersome.

There is also a lot of unused space in this image, but that's grasping at straws honestly.

I dig it, on the whole. It would make for a pretty epic story.

I'll admit, I'm a sucker for this vaguely supernatural shit.

Nothing is happening in the image, but you get the impression that something is very wrong with this... statue? The use of black-and-white adds to the eeriness, which, granted, one could argue using B&W to add a little spookiness is cheap, but I usually like it unless the image itself is too creepypasta-y.

Some spooky shit, like it.

On the one hand I'm impressed at how panoramic and wide this piece is, but I wish the rainbow was more obviously the subject, because it seems kind of small compared to the rest of the image.

Also, if anyone can write a story inspired by this, and make it work, I will salute you.

>>Moosetasm The buildings standing against the sky?

The problem is that... how do you make a story out of this? The subject is literally the city, and it's so all-encompassing that you can't focus on any specific thing.

There's also a ton of empty space, which, okay, standing up against the sky, but the city takes up only half the image, and my photography teacher would not appreciate this.

>>No_Raisin
In the bible, there were angels mentioned who specifically had six wings. There's a big can of worms to unpack, here, if one should choose to do so. The book of Ezekiel has an awful lot of odd creature designs, if you care to read it.

Okay, so there are two ways to take this.

A sweet picture of a boy and his alien, which, hey, nothing wrong with that, we all love us a good boy-and-his-alien story.

Or it could be an obvious subversion of that.

The artwork itself is very nice, though. I can't tell if this was done digitally or with actual paint and brush, but the fact that I'm wondering as to which it is says something about how organic it is.

I also like the color differentiation between the alien's limbs so you can tell it has two arms and two legs, and a tail.

Not bad. Not exactly inspiring for an "original" story, though.

I have so many questions...

On a purely artistic level, this might be the best of the entries. The lack of color is striking, and I can tell the artist was confident enough in his/her style to exhibit that kind of restraint, and even the lack of background is great.

The outlines, assuming this was done digitally, are incredible. They're consistent between characters, but there's still some variation in thickness, and the overall composition of the image is great.

But then there's something about the proportions that makes me raise an eyebrow. Let's get over the fact that these are half-bird people and look at how their heads are sized in relation to their bodies. It's very weird, and not necessarily in a good way, because now I'm wondering how some of these people (like the pelican) would even move around with heads that big.

I can't tell if the human(?) is wearing anything, and I'm wondering why there is this one human with these bird people.

The wolf is uhh... huh. It stole their eyes? I wonder why. That could make for a great story, but just as an image it makes me scratch my head. I'm assuming the wolf is villainous, but it's also right in the center, between all these people, so did it sneak in there? Why is everyone facing outward, as if surrounded by something outside of the boarders?

I'm sure someone will write a story to give some interesting answers, but right now I do have some mixed feelings on this entry.

I'm agreeing with >>Moosetasm in that the relation to the prompt seems pretty tenuous. Another problem, going off of this, is that there's no real subject. It's a landscape shot, and a very nicely done one, but what are we supposed to get from this?

I wonder what my high school photography teacher would say.

A snapshot of a pulpy spy thriller, I like it.

The girl is clearly holding a detonator, and it looks like she's about to press the button. Also looks like she's about to get riddled with holes, so this is a tense moment. We don't know if she'll finish her job in time.

I'm assuming she's inside one of the bombers(?) we see outside, but that begs the question of why you would send someone to blow up a bomber from the inside anyway. Don't we have fighter jets and AA guns for that sort of thing?

It could be a different kind of ship, like a dreadnought, since we're bringing up Star Wars here.

I have to scratch my head at the choice of clothing. I can deal with the pants, and even the jacket, but the skin-tight outfit underneath raises some questions. It's not as fetishized as a few other entries (a pattern I'm noticing) but it's still noticeable. Her jacket indicates she was going undercover as one of the crewmen, but...

I don't know, I'm not sure about that. I can totally see an action-packed story coming out of this, though.

I like the Butt

>>No_Raisin
>>Roseluck
>>Moosetasm
>>Hap
>>Posh
>:-\ #EndButtShaming2018 >:-\

:trollestia:



Naw, I dunno, I missed The Butt on my first pass and I think the whole image is already fairly pulpy with or without it.

Funny how it sorta draws the eye now that I see it, I suppose. It's such a minor part of the overall piece but it's probably deliberate by the Artist and would certainly be meant to influence its tone.

When I saw this pic in the gallery preview, I thought it was a created image (eg, digital painting) of some sort of cthonic tower. Now that I see it in full view, it looks like it's a carefully composed photograph of the remains of a tree. I'm not sure which version I like better.

This kinda reminds me of the album cover and liner designs of Radiohead's "Kid A." I'm totally lost as to the meaning of it--you could project any number of meanings onto those stick figures in the grass--but I get the sense there's some large gears turning here. By all conventions, this shouldn't make me feel as uneasy as it is.

>>Moosetasm
To me it looks like somebody lying down.

#art

I like this a lot, actually. Especially the enigmatic title.

Alas:

With the San Diego Comic Con and my sister and her husband coming to visit, this isn't my weekend for writing. Maybe next round!

Mike

I had a really great story all planned out. Unfortunately, I just don't have enough time to write it without going crazy. So I'm bowing out this round. It was a cool Urban Fantasy idea though, so maybe I'll finish it some other time.

On the plus side, I fixed like three things that were wrong with my car before state inspection, moved two dressers, one bed, a big oak table, and like three hundred boxes. And cooked two days worth of meals even though our stove has been broken for a week.

Not being very busy during the summer, I told myself I'd finally participate in a Writeoff. In fact, I even implored my good comrade Monokeras to hold me to it.

"Okay Oblo. I hope you live up to it. [...] But, if you duck out of your promise. I swear you’ll have to face the music."

So, with this chilling threat, I finally finished my first Writeoff entry under my real alias. I'm spared Mono's wrath, but probably not the wrath of reviewers.

So, good luck to all, and here we go!

I think it bears a fair enough relation to the prompt, as long as one interprets "they" to mean either the mountains, or the photographer himself/herself.

Well, last minute story and last minute entry ! It was a lot of fun to write but def don't feel it came out as well as it could have...
Still-! looking forward to reading everyones in a bit ! :D

Well Artist, I'm not going to get a story done at this point, but it's a credit to how visually compelling this is that I have a Gdoc with some noodling toward that goal. Awesome art.

Hey guys, long time no see I guess (for those who still know me!). I've kept busy and am currently in the process of moving to another country, and [insert more perfectly valid reasons for being a bum without entry even though I contributed art]. Had a few ideas, but didn't flesh any of them out. I'm quite interested in seeing what you guys came up with though. Might be doing some reviewing!

I’d like to take a moment to praise this piece for something other than its monster design (A+ C’thuloid horrors) or its protag design (seriously, you could bounce a quarter offa dat butt, gah damn).

No, I’m going to point out how well you’ve established that our intrepid sniper clearly has some training in firearms. She’s in a textbook prone shooter’s stance, and I like how you’ve kept her off-hand tucked away, since she doesn’t need it to brace with the bipod she’s using. You’ve also kept her right leg straight, which tells me that you understand how recoil absorption works - placing most of the body mass in line with the source of the recoil so that the shock is more evenly distributed. This is especially important when using the kind of firearms that can hope to make a dent in yonder eldritch horrors at that distance, as it helps reduce reset time to reacquire your target, and helps with the shooter’s endurance (seriously, the difference between proper and improper bracing of the rifle is night and day when it comes to how you feel the next morning). If she had both of her legs bent, she’d be getting kicked way harder by that rifle.

Or, you took the time and effort to look up some good reference photos, and did an excellent job of translating what you found to your art. Either way, good on you!

If I had one complaint, it’s that she’s not actually aiming anywhere near the two monsters on-screen, and her shooting position looks a bit too set for her to still be drawing a bead on them. Still, this is a minor point, as it’s pretty obvious what’s supposed to be going on here.

This landed pretty close to the top of my slate, Artist. Looking forward to future pieces from you!

Hmm. I don't like the ending as much as I thought I would.

What if? What if it had been just a joke? What if there never had been any god or paradise, but just a cynical prank set up by an alien and hostile civilization? Why bother with war? Let the indigenous species destroy itself, allow for a little while until the planet has recovered, then land and claim it your own. Easy-peasy: no fight, no casualties.

How would the aliens know exactly how to kill humanity through this sabotage? And why would the main character call it a "prank" when it was obviously trying to make the humans die?

If the wording at the ending was changed a little this would be a solid little fic.

Okay, fairies at war was the last thing I expected from this round, but I found it rather enjoyable, despite being a bit cliche. I caught only one typo, if I recall correctly, and I think the "My mission was simple: blow the mothership." lacks a rather critical "up" somewhere, but overall the writing was solid.

GOD:

Giant Orange Dude
Great Olive Dinner
Grand Old Dog
Gardening Over Drinking

etc.

Love the story. It was a bit slow in the beginning but really picked up in pace and quality when the rods went out. Probs on my top slate ;)

I read this because my curiosity remains piqued from some of the art. I'm glad I did. This is just plain fun as an adventure in fae, and as a literary walk through of its various source art pieces. I fear that it might lose some cohesiveness without being able to look back at those. But together it makes for an enjoyable experience.

This gets a little fast and muddled for me around the time our hero gets to the castle in the sky. Also, I think its attempts to invoke Cthulhu-esque horror aren't quite landing... like the cut-away from somebody's Death By Giant Ant doesn't strike me as "unseeable horror" as much as it does "big squish." But those things don't blunt the story's enjoyabity much.

Daedalus of Athens was not drunk when the light crashed outside his Greek manor. Instead, the drunkenness came later.

Okay, I must admit that's quite a good opening line.

his regular salt donations from the Emperor in Rome…

Okay, I probably shouldn't demand historical accuracy from such a story, but so much stuff about ancient Greece is wrong that it kept breaking my immersion.

For starters, as far as I can tell, Daedalus was the grandon of Erechtheus, the king of Athens from 1397 BC to 1347 BC. Rome was founded a humble six centuries later and it didn't have an Emperor until Octavian Augustus became one in 27 BC. To put it in perspective, it's like saying Barack Obama liked to hang out with Charlemagne.

“A boy cannot fly,” said Aerosteon in his special talking-to-an-unbalanced-idiot voice. “No what’s-it-called, aerodynamic qualities.”

“Too heavy,” translated Gravitas, nodding.

*looks at names* I see what you did here... Also, Beelzebub? That's a bit closer than the Roman Empire, given that he was originally a Philistine god, but still, Philistia wasn't a thing for the next 200 years. Though maybe Beelzie was just hanging out, waiting for his followers to establish a country.

Okay, I'll just assume it's a theme park version of Ancient Greece and not a particularly well researched one; a theme park version would have hoplites than legionnaires (since they became a thing in 7th century BC, they'd be historically inaccurate, but not geographically inaccurate, like legionnaires - especially ones who carry tridents like gladiators).

“I, uh, copied a plan off Hero once. Or was it Vitruvius?”

Hero of Alexandria? Quite an impressive feat, given the guy was born in 10 AD. And Vitruvius predates him by only a couple of decades.

“Oh, Jews,” said Daedalus dismissively. “They say all kinds of rubbish.”

Do I need to point out that at the time there were, at best, about five Jews somewhere in the Fertile Crescent, pretty far away from Greece? Maybe it was all intentional, but it was pretty effective in ruining the experience for me.

I feel like standing up and applauding all the creativity that's been poured into this story, but at the same time, I don't think it'll do so well on my slate.

It's probably just my opinion, but the fact that this many of the art pieces have been put into one story hurts my enjoyment of it all. It's quite distracting. I get the impression that referencing as many of the art pieces as possible was the number one priority here, with telling a story coming in second place. It's a close second, sure—this is still a pretty good story—but what would it have been if some of the references were trimmed? If some of the ideas were expanded on more than they were in the space allotted?

Because there's a ton of ideas in this story, and a lot of them are great, but none of them felt very fleshed out, because each time I was getting into one it was time to move the plot towards the next artwork. And that leaves me with a lot of unanswered questions. What happened to Lady Pitter-patter (let's get at 'er)? What exactly is her relationship to the protagonist? Why are the disappearing humans so important to these faeries? What's the significance in them being Metal and Sky Faeries?

Artwork aside, one more criticism I have is that the tone doesn't feel right. I was certain this was going to be played for laughs the whole way through because of the premise, especially coupled with the characters names. Hell, the beginning seems like it wants to be funny in several places. Like with this:

My mission was simple: blow (up) the mothership.

That shit's hilarious.

But then the rest of the story takes itself so seriously. I'm thrown for a loop, and every so often I see "Guru Yummy" or "Captain Feathersnuggle" again, and I snicker. So why choose those names if the story is going to be about moral grey areas and the horrors of war?

But whatever to all that. I'm still impressed with what you've accomplished here, and it was certainly a fun ride. I just expect that I'll enjoy entries with better focus a bit more. Good luck, you!

And in the wise words of Sir Mac, who resideth in Philadelphia, where the Sun is said to shine forevermore,

That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it.

That's how I feel about the language in this story—I couldn't write in the style you've chosen to save my life, but I can say it was a complete barrier for me. Every other sentence takes several tries, and that makes whatever happened sail right overhead like a castle in the sky.

Sorry, author.

And lo, as it was foretold, following Peasant Miller Minus's foolish comment, the Knights of the Round Writeoff proceeded to understand the Tale of Lancelot and the Tower of Babel much better than he did, and he was thus condemned to shame.

Full review may come later. I don't make any promises these days, but I really do want to dig into this story because I think it deserves it. Initial thoughts:

-this entry is excellent and the author has a lot to be proud of, especially with their character voicing and setup, some of the best I've ever seen in this competition.

-minor tonal / stylistic issues detract from but don't disengage the reader

-I have minor quibbles over some minutia of psychology here, and it seems apparent to me that this story was written by a layman

-some plot contrivances towards and the conclusion wrap too nicely for a story this stylistically grounded and messy, so much so that I would argue it's a major problem with the story as a whole.

-really mediocre set of ending lines that evokes a very maudlin sentimentality unbecoming of a story like this

-final couple hundred words is unfortunately dedicated to holding the reader's hand and explaining what the story was about as if the reader is an idiot

All in all, I think this was a very impressive entry in both style and content gimped by poor handling of its conclusion. I don't want to come across as overly negative, because I honestly believe this was one of the strongest entries I've read in the history of this competition. That being said, I don't expect it to be much of a crowd-pleaser, and no doubt this story's resolution will sour a good number of people on this entry.

Unfortunately, I think I'm left with more negative things to say about this fic than positives. On the other hand, most of these are minor-to-moderate constructive criticisms, and the story still cohesively holds itself together by the end of it all, so it's still more than a fine attempt.

1: The central storyline isn't clear enough. The first part of the story, up until Knutr's death at sea, reads like a series of random events in the village. The vandalism with the fish intestines obviously makes you think Knutr was innocent, but then it turns out this whole matter is just irrelevant backstory? The forestalling of Aegir's statue makes you think the sea god's wrath is going to be invoked, but then nothing comes of it? Astrid's pregnancy appears to be more than incidental, but then that's also a dead end? And last but certainly not least: What did happen to Agmundr? My first theory was that there was some faked-death/love-triangle shenanigans going on, especially with the pregnancy, but that is mistaken. My first impression upon reading the shocker ending sentence is "ghost after all," but the story just falls so flat if it's only a drawn-out "generic rival comes back to generically haunt the MC" pattern. The last theory I can plausibly entertain is that Agmundr caught some sort of disease while retrieving Knutr's corpse, but even that doesn't connect all the dots.

2: The writing on a technical level is unimpressive. At least, apart from the ancient Scandinavian flair, which I think was done convincingly and consistently. But that aside, there are several typos ("That day, the people of Sóknardalr saw in the skies over the fjord darken in a sudden squall," "no trace Knutr," "able bodied" -> "able-bodied"), an overuse of commas in places, and bland constructions.

Overall, I just don't feel that this story is memorable enough. It reads like an overly inflated flash fiction tale.

This is frontloaded with a lot of exposition that grinds the story's pace to a halt. It does end up being very cute, but not much really happens. A lot of sitting around. Consider giving your characters somewhere to go or a particular task to complete, to move the plot along.

Has a sort of fable quality to it. I was engaged, but the abrupt ending caught me off guard. Conclusion is very unsatisfying. I'd agree with >>Paracompact that the story never ties all its lose ends together. The fish intestines seem irrelevant, the sleep potion seems irrelevant, the destroyed statue seems irrelevant. Scenes with the spooky ghost are consistently good, though.

I'd call the writing technically proficient. Simple, straight forward, easy to read.

Excellent voice work. A good journey, lots of twists and turns. There's lots to like here.

This story weirdly feels both too long and also like we didn't really dig deeply enough into any of these characters. We rush right by Derek and the doctor. If you want this to be a short story, I think you'd have to make major cuts to have room to really zero in on and flesh out the other scenes. I could also see this piece being a candidate for a lot of expansion.

The one thing I'm really iffy on is the frame. It's creative. It's different. But it also feels a little childish, while also limiting what you can do with the story. I love the journey, the need to write an undergrad essay is pretty trivial. A journey this intriguing deserves an equally intriguing call to adventure. Any college student is going to write dozens of essays. Maybe something a little more unique and specific to this character?

Gene Crispin

A reference to CRISPR gene editing?

There were times when a lad like him needed to be locked away in his private quarters, having an intimate experience with sublime beauty. After all, he’d been playing the lute ever since he was young enough to call Mummy from his cot.

If this is actually talking about music, then it needs to sound a lot less like a euphemism for masturbation. If it's intended to be a double entendre, then it needs to be more clear.

Gene drummed his fingers against his thigh: a sure sign of nerves.

was not the same smell they were used to.

Wisely, he let her

There's a lot of flat out explaining here.


I spent most of this story trying to figure out what the upcoming disaster was. The constant references to both their illnesses, combined with the red herring CRISPR reference, kept me thinking it was some sort of epidemic or bioweapon. It wasn't until the explicit explanation of the comets that I figured it out. As much as the author explains things, I never did figure out why everyone was sick or what that had to do with the rest of the story.

The first half of the story seemed to be the same scene over and over again. By the time the author figured out where the story was going, the characters had gelled, and worked together well - but they weren't really the same characters we started the story with, and the relationship they had was consequently very different from the beginning to the end. Not in a "character growth" kind of way. If the author had had more time, it would have made a great story to take his/her understanding of the characters and go back and rewrite the first half.

This was a decent story, but really could have used a second pass after the author had figured out who the characters were.

That was an enjoyable one. Of course everyone kinda knows this story, but I liked your take on it.

Also, we seem to have quite a few stories set in the ancient times in this round...

I felt this one was rather flat, but since that's my reaction to most horror stories, I have to admit that I may be biased. Also, I haven't seen much of a unique spin, more like a bunch of horror cliches piled on one another.

The grammar and punctuation were a bit sloppy, I noticed at least one "it's" used in place of "its" and a few instances when the characters asked questions according to the narration, but no question mark was used. Speaking of, I thought "shined" was an error, but it's apparently a legit past form of "shine", used when the verb has an object. You learn something new every day.

Also, I wondered if there was some plot twist tied to the fact that the homeless guy was Polish (judging by his name), but no such thing happened. Son, I am disappoint.

>>Hap
"Having an intimate experience with sublime beauty" is going to have to be my new go-to euphemism for masturbation. Sorry, "naked air guitar," you've served me well.

At any rate, this is a story that seems to only gain its momentum and focus gradually. The beginning is a big, confusing slog in which the characters are too distant. Even the small-talk somehow manages to be cryptic. It would've been much better if the author just came out and said, "The city is abandoned of all but raiders due to an impending apocalypse. The lovers Carolyn and Gene want to spend their last days together doing something special."

All in all, there's too much dancing around the basic points of the story, including the comet(s), the two's seemingly shared disease (I don't understand why they are sick in the first place, and it has a minimal impact on the plot anyway), and Carolyn and Gene's history with each other. Carolyn hints at some sort of falling-out in their past ("For once she didn’t feel the leftover disgust of knowing there was nothing between her and him."), but this is never brought to light. A recurring theme of "disgust" is clearly indicated, but I don't know why. I also couldn't even accurately discern Carolyn and Gene's ages by the end of the story. At the beginning, they act like young adults or older teenagers; throughout the middle, and taking into account their family anecdotes, they're maybe more like older 20s or early 30s; but no one has been named "Eugene" in about half a century, much less ever called that in lieu of just Gene (“Eugene?” she said at once).

But that's enough of the ranting. I did eventually become invested in the story, the characters, and their plight, even if it dragged or rambled at times and didn't tie up all its loose ends. In particular, I think the ending scene is paced marvelously, and is the jewel stone of the tale.

EDIT: Actually, in retrospect, I stand somewhat corrected; it was at least mentioned at the beginning that they were (formerly) college students, so that establishes their age, even if I sometimes wonder if they really act like it.

Overall, this is a good and charming tale, although it suffers somewhat from lack of substance. There's a lot going on behind the scenes with Sunburs—I mean Zep's emotions and how they are symbolized through his interactions with the cat, but it borders on being one-dimensional and tell-y at points. Also, what is the lesson that Zep really learned, which allowed him to unlock his potential? The exchange

“I’m sorry I did not listen to you.”

“I’m just pleased that you listened to something.”

indicates something very specific, but it is never elucidated.

I agree with CantStopWontStop that the large paragraphs at the start of the story are a definitive drawback. Despite that, the writing is tight enough to make up for the temporary stopped pace. Later, however, this technical prowess falters; here are examples of some sentences that don't contain obvious typos, but should've been identified as problematic during a proofread:

It did not take a spell to see the way clouds were stacking up on the horizon, a vicious storm which only looked to be more bitter than last week which had taken forever for Zep to shovel paths through.

I don't believe it was even identified by this point that it was winter, but even then, is Zep shoveling paths through "last week"? Because that's the immediate antecedent. Is it the storm? It would be too inaccurate, it's actually the snow on the ground created by the storm. As well, "which only looked to be more bitter than" is awkward.

To make space, the furniture in the main room had to be moved into the bedrooms, an activity that made him sweat with exertion by the time the main room was sufficiently full enough of wood to keep him warm even if the storm were to rage for days.

Runny and confusing.

All that was left was some vigorous sweeping to clean up after the wood restacking and Zeb pulled his sleeping mat in next to the warm stove, where it would most probably remain for the next week.

Two almost unrelated sentences stitched together.

As well, there is a recurrent issue with Zephirum's nickname turning from Zep into Zeb for a while. I'm pretty sure this is a mistake.

At the very least, this fic makes up for its faults by being an easy and enjoyable read, which goes a long way in the end.

This is a solid entry that I certainly enjoyed, and I hazard that it will make finals.

One of these two guys above me – I can't remember which, it might have been both – rightly pointed out that the story gets better as it goes along, giving the impression that the idea was becoming clearer in your head with every word you typed on your jolly march to 8,000. It's just unfortunate that the beginning is so important. It's hard to jump over hurdles when you broke your ankle with your first step.

I will admit, the characters were coming off as insincere during the opening scenes – and that, coupled with the narrator wanting me to believe everything they said at face value gave me the feeling I was being lied to. I kept asking them to prove why they were so in love that they would choose to be with each other instead of evacuating with their families. And then the library scene happened and it was like a switch turned on and the two of them finally were doing something endearing.

I suppose that's the issue. There's nothing endearing about them at the beginning. Or engaging. Just a lot of mumbling and withholding information from me and generally being impostors of who they would become later in the story.

By the way, I was, at first not perturbed by the fact that the apocalypse minutiae was being concealed, because I thought you were never going to tell us, and that the focus was just going to be these two. I'm perfectly fine with that. But when they start questioning their decision and teasing me with little pieces of information regarding the apocalypse, I start wishing I just had it all. A comet storm is kind of standard, so the reveal isn't much of a shocking twist as it is finally getting to the point.

I also have no idea why consumption is making an appearance here because I haven't been under the impression that they haven't been eating well (they had a picnic!). And yes, it doesn't affect the plot in any way either (hey cool someone else said that already too).

The only other thing I have to say is a word of warning—the prickly yet endearing character is a very difficult character to write, and it showed once or twice in the above. Especially when words like "disgust" are being brought into the fray. If she were just a little bit less abrasive at the wrong moments, and if the narrator would just let the characters do the talking (and actioning) themselves a little more, I'd say you have a very solid story here. Well done.

I can't say I wasn't enjoying this story as it went along. I didn't even notice until the footsteps scene happened, and I started re-positioning myself in my chair and scrolling on. You almost even got a "No..." out of me.

And, thankfully, other than the beginning, the other most important thing a story needs to nail is the ending, and this story has a very good one. If only this comment had one to.

Good luck!

Funny, I thought when I checked the" Guessing" page that I would see Chuck Palahniuk as an option. He must be using an alias.

At least, I think that's what you were going for here. Either way, the voice works superbly, and as an added bonus, it's nice to see this narrative style being applied to someone who isn't an – admittedly endearing – complete psychopath.

But putting all of that aside, I have to talk to you about the message in this story, because I don't know what it is. I have several guesses, but that's really way too many. Is it about mental health? Is it about giving the benefit of the doubt? Is it about sucking it up and moving on with your life no matter what? Is it about excising shitty people from your life?

I was thinking halfway through my reading that, based on the title, the story would be more about relating the different types of pains to each other and bringing up concrete examples of ways that it screwed up all of their lives. Or maybe examples of how all these different pains are causing the same outcome. But not a lot of that happens. The journey itself is thrilling and the narration is great, but it's not really landing for me what you were going for. But then, there's a good chance that's just me.

There's a thin line between presenting multiple interwoven ideas for the reader to consider, and simply presenting disconnected ideas at random and wishing them the best of luck. It kind of felt, in this story, that the author upturned a box of puzzle pieces onto the floor and sprinted out of the room, not informing me that some of those pieces don't even belong to this puzzle. I need at least the edge pieces and a few colour groups, you know? I can figure out the rest from there.

This plays into what >>Cassius pointed out about the ending being problematic, and especially that third last paragraph with the heroes and the lack thereof. What is that there for? You'll notice some of those messages I listed above are straight from that paragraph. It's like having stew with a bunch of ingredients that individually taste great but all clash and undermine with each other. And having that stew upturned over my head.

Okay, I promise no more metaphors.

If you ask me, the strongest message is in the doctor's last piece of dialogue. I like that it can be interpreted as a reminder of what all the doubting did to her, while also being a commentary on the stigma of mental health. After all, why does there have] to be something physically wrong?

Anyways, that's all from me. At the end of the day, the structure of the story works perfectly well, and there's only a few minor things here and there that could be changed for cosmetic upgrades (maybe the MRI was busy and the EEG whatever that is wasn't?) All that needs changing is lasering the focus onto what you're trying to say. Luckily, the narrator you've chosen would make patching that up a cinch.

Good luck in the contest!

Fascinating. It's a very cool interpretation of the art-prompt. That is, you have your own ideas at play, and this isn't just a simple exercise in filling-in-the-blanks left behind by the work.

Your narrator's voice is sort of inconsistent—I'm seeing both jovial and horrified here, but horrified is probably the only one that makes sense. The voice also comes off as robotic at times throughout the story. Your first sentence, for instance, uses the word "initiating", which is a word used to describe computer programs, not so much sleeping. There's a lot of this type of language throughout the story, but it's especially apparent in that opening paragraph. If a 19-year-old were to say these sentences out loud to you, you would probably wonder why they're talking like that. I was aware now of an aching in my feet? I would have had an easier time getting immersed if there was more of the relaxed speaking habits found in the rest of the story, although as I mentioned before, it is bordering a little too much on jovial for the tone you're going for.

On to the story, though. I liked the descriptions of the missing eyes a lot, good old-fashioned spine-chilling stuff, but I felt like you could have dug a little deeper. Given us a texture, maybe, of what it felt like, or told us if it was sensitive or numb.

There is a lot going on here that isn't being explained. That happens a lot in horror (blood coming out the walls, e.g.), but in this story it's getting a little hand-wavey because the strange occurrences seem to be helping the protagonist and advancing the plot, as opposed to hampering them and convoluting it. Why did they wake up in the first place? Why did their speech return all of a sudden?

Another big unanswered question, which doesn't help the protagonist but still feels important, is, well, why is any of this happening? You don't necessarily have to answer this, but it feels like a missed opportunity to me. Why does this dog trap people here? Why did our protagonist specifically end up here? Is it something about their personal lives? A wish that they should have been more careful making? This kind of stuff adds explanation to your story while also helping to flesh out your protagonist, and it'll give you more foundation to work with. You can still go with the random option, but as it is now, the story comes off as somewhat cheap, and the conclusion unearned. At least it does to me.

Lastly, there are a few punctuation errors here and there which could do with some touch-ups.

But I'll leave you alone. I loved the idea but was left a little wanting on the execution, in the end. Good luck in the contest!

Agreeing with Not A Hat: Your “marble” head (which has the specularity of porcelain) is rather darker than the sky you’ve put behind it. You should have lightened it up a bit.

Woot. This is a piece with ambition, and you mostly rose to the occasion. I have some quibbles (like what’s up with that one wing of hers that doesn’t look attached?) But overall, I love that expression on her face and the way the flowers are looking at her. Top tier.

A quiet little night scene. Yes, the stars are a bit too orderly. It should be easy to get a story or two out of this one.

Creepy and dark. I like.

A simple idea, and an ancient one (a burning tree instead of a bush). Simply but competently executed. This is a great piece for a pic to fic round.

This is slapdashy and pixelated, but it’s mysterious enough to stand for something in a pic2fic round. This won’t rise high on my slate due to its competition, but it’s a decent try.

You could have profitably put just a little more effort into showing us that this is a crowd of people. As it was, I had to think about it for a second or two. Just drawing some people at the periphery or showing some arms and hands grasping the banner would have helped.

Aside from that, this does a decent job at conveying its idea.

Nice! A haunting and mysterious image. The number of stories it inspired speaks to that. This could easily be a classic SF/Fantasy book cover. A top slater!

This was really a phenomenal read. I've yet to get to all (or even half) the entries, but I find it quite hard to imagine another entry will displace this from the very top of my ballot. In other words, it's certainly a Top 3 for me.

Others have given this some rather thorough analysis so far, and I might come back to post a more detailed response of my own. But for now, I'll just voice my disagreement with a repeated critique lodged against the ending, namely that it was too sentimental.

>>Miller Minus
>>Cassius

final couple hundred words is unfortunately dedicated to holding the reader's hand and explaining what the story was about as if the reader is an idiot

It reads to me like perfectly fine ending "filler." Really, the story ended with the brilliant line: “Why does the needle change anything?” But it's not like the author could've actually ended it there, given the frame. What follows, including this "borderline sentimentalist" paragraph:

I wish I could say that there was a hero in this essay, but there aren't any. Alex treated those around her like garbage. The doctor should have done the X-ray the first time he met her. Her parents could have tried a little harder, and Derek could have just given her the benefit of the doubt.

sounds like it's perfectly in-character for our sentimentalist MC, who is after all recording this extemporaneously on a voice-to-text (admittedly, the eloquence of the MC's supposed stream-of-consciousness while driving of all things does stress my suspension of disbelief, but that's creative license for you), and is a necessary sort of denouement for an email to a professor. At the same time, it at least offers a little post mortem discussion of the moral of the story, albeit slightly cheesy.

This one as well could be a classic novel cover. My main complaint is that the image could use more contrast and clarity.

One technique for testing clarity in composition is to make a silhouette of the figures in the image and look to see if the images are still recognizable. Here’s an image comparing Wounded with this piece, with the foreground figures siloed in black. Wounded retains its menace when seen this way; but this piece becomes incomprehensible.

Since you’re trying to portray a deer-taur, which is not so common a thing even on fantasy novel covers, separating the figures instead of overlapping them, so that each has its separate identity of form, may help you to convey it.

A nice, creepy, moody photo. Works even without the runes. Nails the prompt. Well done.

Is this a Writeofftopia piece? If so, is that my character in the background behind Roger?

The memez recognizeable to perhaps 20-30 people in the whole world are strong in this one.

A strong image of natural phenomena, and I like the relation to the prompt. Well done.

Another view of Manhattan. It’s decent, but there’s not much to distinguish it from a thousand other pics of Manhattan readily available on Google, so I can’t award it high points for creativity. Still, it fits the prompt and has inspired several stories, so points for that.

Simple and evocative. Good work on the starfield.

I’ve seen this joke before, so I didn’t get a big laugh from it, but it’s a decent approach to the prompt.

Looks like an actual castle in actual clouds. Some more blue below would help to sell the idea that it’s a castle in the sky; otherwise it could be a regular castle in a fogbank.

Slick, precise lines in the most unforgiving of media, and creepy evocative figures, surrounding an unwholesome central mystery. A top tier piece.

Trying to portray the past-tense aspect of the prompt, I see. Good Shoop work. The little figures and their rope left from climbing the mesa look plausible.

Since no one else has brought it up—they're meant to be in a bubble, aren't they? That's why the lower part of the sky is darker, because the rest of the dome is reflecting the ground.

>>GroaningGreyAgony
It's legit just looking at it now that I recognized Roger's and Mono's avatars. God, Roger's eyes are terrifying.

coincidentally I was looking at this just now, also depicting a chaotic melee clash. so I disagree with the silhouette test, because negative space is being used cleverly here. that much is fine.

the deer-being is excellent because of a clear form, and the dynamic forward motion. My eye follows up to the sword, and the eyes glaring upward. But that's kinda where everything stops, like hitting a wall. Partially I think its the winged-being's pose being too neutral and static. Is he pushing forward, or being pushed back? What's he doing with his sword? It's a bit too vague, especially when next to the deer. The many wings feel like they're just floating in the background, rather than directing attention to anything.

But it's also the lack of texture on the wings; from the darker colors it was kinda murky and at first I assumed they were a continuation of his flowy robes, because they don't stand out much. Compare it to the deer, who has animal fur, a cloak, and the long hair -- it's easy to tell apart these elements just by the way the lines are drawn (though the lighter colors help too). And going back to that Japanese print I linked, which may seem like a messy jumble of bodies, but the contrast in textures keeps each of the figures distinguishable, in separate states of motion. Different art style, but I think it's the same basic concept at work.

>>Paracompact
I would say not so much disgust as shame. Shame seems to be a recurring theme - her struggle with it, and his complete lack of it.

>>Anon Y Mous
>>Roseluck
>>Moosetasm
>>Not_A_Hat
>>GroaningGreyAgony

Thanks! This was a fun piece to create. All I could think of to draw was what I assumed everyone was going to do (and nobody did!): a character or pair standing resolute, with the camera low and looking up, showing them against the background of a sky swarming with some sort of enemies (creatures, ships, whatever).

Then I thought... what if "the sky" was a cabal of individuals - human or creature - against whom the characters were standing? But why would they be "the sky?" Because they're birds, of course! I was inspired by the sort of strange medieval art with fantastic beasts and people with animal heads, and immediately started looking up references.

I liked the way that medieval art was just slightly unsettling in the way they drew people. So I spent hours in front of a mirror, trying to pose my body like those manuscripts. Some of you mentioned the eagle's arm looking odd. Well, that's based on my posing in front of the mirror and taking pictures. You try standing at a 45 degree angle and holding one arm back behind you, palm out. Plus, it looked vaguely wrong, and I wanted it to be a bit unsettling.

The title of the piece was lifted from a heavily distorted song which has exactly one line that's clear enough to distinguish. I changed it a bit to read: "the heads of everybody turn away from me"

Whoever these creatures are, they are turning away from the dog and the girl. They are shunning them. And despite the fact that they have turned their heads, all eyes are on the dog.

I wanted to make the girl stand out, so I used a very modern form for her shape, as opposed to the medieval poses and body shapes of the bird creatures.

As to the text, I noticed that a lot of illustrations from the middle ages had visible text bleeding through from the other side. So, I looked up high-resolution images of medieval manuscripts, and ended up with a 15th century Italian pseudo-Augustinian manuscript by Olivetan monks. I cropped it and printed it, then drew on the back of it.

I like the clean lines of an ink brush. India ink. Plain printer paper takes it well. I like the ability to do hair-thin lines or thick strokes with the same tool.

I could see the text on the other side of the art, but didn't like the letters inside the characters, so I turned it over, stuck a desk lamp under my glass-top drawing table, and used a white paint marker to color in the characters that I could see through the paper. But when I scanned it, none of the letters showed up anyway!

So I stuck a mirror behind the page, and closed the scanner lid, and the light shining through the page and reflected back was enough to illuminate the letters! The white marker was opaque enough to prevent the letters showing through on the characters.

Then I scanned a sheet of coarse, unbleached paper and used that as a texture filter over the whole thing, and messed with the contrast and such.

Thanks everyone!

Thanks everyone for commenting! This is the first time I've contributed to an art round, and also the first time I did photo editing for artistic purposes (only been doing insurance fraud until now... just kidding).

Found this tree while taking a walk through my local nature reserve. It stood out like a sore thumb, the only dead thing in sight and towering like a single pillar in a sea for weeds and reed. I took a photo with my smartphone, cropped it in irfanview, isolated tree, background vegetation, and sky in photoshop and fiddled around with saturation, contrast, and brightness until I was satisfied.

Then I thought: Hmm... this is a bit low effort. Also, another layer of meaning would be nice so people with an eye for detail get rewarded. Normal letters didn't sit right with me, because round shapes would disturb the grain of the tree and stick out too much... so Elder Futhark it was. Of course, it'd need to be in the appropriate language, so it'd have to be in Old High German.

Then it struck me: I'd already decided on a very cryptic way to put some message in this black and white picture, and I had no idea what it was gonna be. I remembered Bad Horse saying in a blogpost that one major problem in modern literary writing was people trying to be cryptic without good reason, muddying the trivial instead of tackling issues that demand a more subtle approach. Wasn't I doing something similar?

At first, I felt like a prick. Then, I chuckled, and slapped the word "tree", the most obvious thing I could think of, in Elder Futhark and Old High German on this thing and called it wisdom in the title to make fun of it. A sort of meta joke, I guess?

Nobody picked up on it, and that's probably for the better. It might have killed the mood of the piece, and that certainly seemed to have an effect on people. I'm not sorry I used the runes, though, because they play a role in 3 of the associated stories, and at least for No Sun Sought, No Saex Stone Scarred, I think they were a vital part of the inspiration.

I must say, this has been a very enjoyable experience. I'm glad I could contribute something that inspired people to write, and seeing elements of it emerge in stories is even a bit of a thrill. I can't draw to save my life to be honest, but if I can take a photo of something that fits a prompt and do artsy stuff with it in the future, I'll be sure to take part again. I'll be looking forward to future art rounds.

>>Hap
This comment is such an adventure in resourcefulness.

Well deserved medallist!

>>Hap
Sir. If I wore a hat, I would take it off to you for that kind of dedication and innovation in creating the image. That is just... remarkable.

I'd say it was an interesting buildup leading up to a disappointing finale. Not a bad story, but then it just ends with a brief confrontation and a cliche simile. Still, I guess it's gonna end up in the middle of my list.

The tension in this was wonderful. Creeping horror, seen through the eyes of the terrified Esther. Something like an unreliable narrator, and that only added to the effect. Is that truly a tunnel to hell, or is she just paranoid? Is Mikolaj really that scary, or does she just not really interact with anyone outside her circle of latte-sipping white girls?

At every step, I was riveted. Is it supernatural? Just a normal sinkhole? Some kind of serial killer?

But if you tease, there has to be a reveal. I never quite figured it out. Was it just one killer, digging his lair and killed by a cave-in? A cult? A group? You mentioned "they" but was it intended to be plural? What was with the machinery? The smell? Or was it just a random guy digging a cave and collecting clothes, but the authorities thought it was a serial killer when they found the guy Esther killed in a panic?

I just think the ending could be a lot cleaner and clearer. The ending seemed rushed compared to the masterful pacing and tension of the first 90%

I'm afraid my reaction to this story is lukewarm. I should be clear: Nothing took me out of the story – it all seemed very believable – but there wasn't anything that got me into it in the first place. It's linear, the narrative style is standard and very tell-y, the characters are fine, the setting is a corporate office in our own world, and every scene pretty much only accomplishes one thing. None of these are mistakes, but altogether it unfortunately makes the story feel a little forgettable.

I want to point out what I think is your best scene, which is the one in the club. In contrast to the other scenes, this one is accomplishing three things at once—it's giving us an interesting look into Casey's character, establishing why Casey might relate to Taylor, and all the while pushing us along the main throughline of the story: Getting Taylor to open up. And it's in an interesting environment to boot. I wished there were more scenes like this one.

By the way, how important is Lauren to you? I wonder if she couldn't be removed from the story, and instead letting Casey fill her role by making the discoveries himself. Lauren is prickly and selfish, but not in a way that endears her to the reader or adds to the story at all. She even disappears for the conclusion. Just a suggestion.

I thought it was all very believable up until Casey confronts Taylor. It felt a little soon to me, and Taylor's immediate awakening and coming over to Casey's side seemed too easy. Victims of sustained abuse are often unsure that they're even being abused at all, because it gets to a point where the abuse is all they know. Taylor's life has been molded by abuse since he was a child, so I thought it would have made more sense for him to balk at Casey's words first and have this confrontation cause a rift between the two of them. And then maybe the psychologist friend can swoop in and help him see the light...?

Regardless of this, the relationship as a whole between Taylor and Casey was very believable, because they both seemed to have a reason to get invested in each other's company, which a lot of romance stories forget to do, infuriatingly.

And as Samey mentioned, the ending is a little disappointing. That's because there isn't much of a tension-relieving moment. The tension kind of peters away instead of their being some moment of catharsis. Sure, Taylor snaps, but Driscoll is constantly cooling the scene down by not getting bothered by anything. I wonder if seeing him shit his pants at the thought of getting sued might not improve the impact a little.

Or maybe I just don't like seeing the bad guy get away with things >:(

Either way, it's a solid, competent entry. Thanks for writing and good luck!

Just some thoughts:

Gene drummed his fingers against his thigh: a sure sign of nerves. He needed to strum something. There were times when a lad like him needed to be locked away in his private quarters, having an intimate experience with sublime beauty. After all, he’d been playing the lute ever since he was young enough to call Mummy from his cot. Music was another parent to him.

It was late when I read this, but I had a lot of trouble with this paragraph. It took me a minute to get it, and it's just strange all around. I also wasn't a fan of: "a sure sign of nerves." Needless telling, I think.

I kinda liked how the apocalypse was vague with only snippets revealed as it went on, but I'm not sure how much the reveal actually helps the story. I guess it felt underwhelming? I would agree that a lot of the details in the beginning are needlessly vague or obscured. Oh, and I'm a little confused about what the point of their illness was. I also thought it maybe had something to do with the apocalypse, but apparently not.

Overall I think it is a solid entry, though.