Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
To the new participants:
Welcome! It's nice to see you coming to develop and show off your writing skills. First off, one thing I'd like to add to horizon's commentary above (>>horizon). Yes, don't strain yourself to put more into commenting on others' stories than you're comfortable with, but if you do decide to go into some detail, horizon mentioned thinking about not just that something in a story bothered you, but trying to track down exactly why it bothered you. What I want to expand on with that is that the process of doing so will really help you in your own writing.
It's a lot easier to see problems in someone else's story. In your own, you know what you meant to say, you know all the elements of your universe that didn't explicitly make it into the story, you know your characters. It's harder to realize that you didn't communicate something, because you already know what was supposed to be communicated. So when you actually think about how that communication broke down in another's story, it's a more effective way of seeing how someone else perceives your story. Even if it's only pondering this stuff in your head instead of typing it out to the author, your writing will improve because of it.
Also read the reviews that others are leaving on the stories you didn't write (preferably after you've read the stories and (arguably) after you've registered your vote) to see what kinds of things they're looking for. You'll always learn something, even if you completely disagree with their critique.
Now, my main point. I used to do this thing where I offered reviewing help to the new participant who finishes the highest, as a little incentive to put in a good effort. The problem is that while the previous recipients were happy for the opportunity, not one ever actually took me up on it. One transferred it to a friend, and that didn't end well. The rest never sent me anything. So with the number of new people in this round, and with my reviewing queue pretty empty at the moment, I'm game to offer it again, but I have to ask: would any of you use it?
Welcome! It's nice to see you coming to develop and show off your writing skills. First off, one thing I'd like to add to horizon's commentary above (>>horizon). Yes, don't strain yourself to put more into commenting on others' stories than you're comfortable with, but if you do decide to go into some detail, horizon mentioned thinking about not just that something in a story bothered you, but trying to track down exactly why it bothered you. What I want to expand on with that is that the process of doing so will really help you in your own writing.
It's a lot easier to see problems in someone else's story. In your own, you know what you meant to say, you know all the elements of your universe that didn't explicitly make it into the story, you know your characters. It's harder to realize that you didn't communicate something, because you already know what was supposed to be communicated. So when you actually think about how that communication broke down in another's story, it's a more effective way of seeing how someone else perceives your story. Even if it's only pondering this stuff in your head instead of typing it out to the author, your writing will improve because of it.
Also read the reviews that others are leaving on the stories you didn't write (preferably after you've read the stories and (arguably) after you've registered your vote) to see what kinds of things they're looking for. You'll always learn something, even if you completely disagree with their critique.
Now, my main point. I used to do this thing where I offered reviewing help to the new participant who finishes the highest, as a little incentive to put in a good effort. The problem is that while the previous recipients were happy for the opportunity, not one ever actually took me up on it. One transferred it to a friend, and that didn't end well. The rest never sent me anything. So with the number of new people in this round, and with my reviewing queue pretty empty at the moment, I'm game to offer it again, but I have to ask: would any of you use it?
Wow, this is a strong slate of authors. It's one of those rounds where you don't have to finish high to consider you've done well.
Last FiM minific round before the show ends, huh? I'll be around in #mentors or available via PM. if anyone wants.
>>Pascoite
I guess I'm up for another go. Anyone who wants some feedback on your story before you submit it, the post linked above explains how it works. Few will apply, even fewer will be chosen!
I guess I'm up for another go. Anyone who wants some feedback on your story before you submit it, the post linked above explains how it works. Few will apply, even fewer will be chosen!
I read this because I wondered what all the fuss was about. I'd been skipping most of the comments that were directly about stories except where one of them caught my interest. This title isn't an attention-grabber, and nothing in the comments stood out to me until today, when it got some pretty strong language from some.
I don't get how several people interpreted this as potentially trying to be funny. The part with the balloons could be a comic setup, but as nothing had taken a comic tone before that, I wasn't in the mind of a comedy at that point. Plus there aren't that many options with their technology for catching something that flies, though maybe some kind of launched net might work better. But I digress.
This is a very difficult subject to deal with, not only for portraying anyone in even the slightest sympathetic light, but also in giving it the gravity it requires to feel like it's done for more than shock value or pathos. And in my mind, Dash, does behave as if she's giving it the proper weight. She's not making light of the situation, and she treats it very seriously. However, she's not dealing with it in a healthy manner. Saying that this all goes away once Scootaloo is of age is dodging the problem, and she pretty much admits that. What floors me is that the doctor is content to sit back and do nothing but listen and occasionally ask a question leading Dash to more self-examination. And while it's valuable for a psychiatrist to avoid being too judgmental about things, this is different. She's being very irresponsible in failing to discourage behavior that's destructive to more than just Dash, and she's failing to discourage conduct that's very seriously illegal and immoral. For that matter, why would she spill the beans to Scootaloo's family? Shouldn't Scootaloo be able to seek treatment with complete confidentiality? Urging her to involve her family in her healing process is one thing, but forcing her to, and quite possibly without forewarning? If one thing makes the whole story fall flat to me, it's the doctor's completely unbelievable conduct. A story like this should be real, very starkly real, and she just kicked my suspension of disbelief out the window right when the story couldn't afford to do so.
I mean, I can't really say myself what a realistic portrayal of this problem would be. I only know what I've seen when my wife likes to watch Law and Order: SVU, and I don't doubt that has a lot of Hollywood embellishment, so Dash herself didn't come across as fake to me. I'll defer to those who know the subject better.
The secondary issue is how over the top Scootaloo is in the first scene. I never got a comic vibe from her, but going over the top is certainly one way to effect comedy, so maybe that's where some of the other readers are picking that up. But even if it didn't create genre dissonance for me, it still made this feel far less authentic than they should. Someone who's been dropping subtle hints she feels aren't being perceived would just go to more overt things, right? Like directly stating what she wants, not forcing the issue.
So on a type of story that requires the utmost adherence to realism and authenticity, you lost me on both counts. But I don't fault the writing itself. The word choice, sentence flow, etc., were well done, so I have no doubt you're an able author. You just picked a subject that you couldn't fit in the word count, give the gravity it needed, do the research for, and all that stuff.
I don't get how several people interpreted this as potentially trying to be funny. The part with the balloons could be a comic setup, but as nothing had taken a comic tone before that, I wasn't in the mind of a comedy at that point. Plus there aren't that many options with their technology for catching something that flies, though maybe some kind of launched net might work better. But I digress.
This is a very difficult subject to deal with, not only for portraying anyone in even the slightest sympathetic light, but also in giving it the gravity it requires to feel like it's done for more than shock value or pathos. And in my mind, Dash, does behave as if she's giving it the proper weight. She's not making light of the situation, and she treats it very seriously. However, she's not dealing with it in a healthy manner. Saying that this all goes away once Scootaloo is of age is dodging the problem, and she pretty much admits that. What floors me is that the doctor is content to sit back and do nothing but listen and occasionally ask a question leading Dash to more self-examination. And while it's valuable for a psychiatrist to avoid being too judgmental about things, this is different. She's being very irresponsible in failing to discourage behavior that's destructive to more than just Dash, and she's failing to discourage conduct that's very seriously illegal and immoral. For that matter, why would she spill the beans to Scootaloo's family? Shouldn't Scootaloo be able to seek treatment with complete confidentiality? Urging her to involve her family in her healing process is one thing, but forcing her to, and quite possibly without forewarning? If one thing makes the whole story fall flat to me, it's the doctor's completely unbelievable conduct. A story like this should be real, very starkly real, and she just kicked my suspension of disbelief out the window right when the story couldn't afford to do so.
I mean, I can't really say myself what a realistic portrayal of this problem would be. I only know what I've seen when my wife likes to watch Law and Order: SVU, and I don't doubt that has a lot of Hollywood embellishment, so Dash herself didn't come across as fake to me. I'll defer to those who know the subject better.
The secondary issue is how over the top Scootaloo is in the first scene. I never got a comic vibe from her, but going over the top is certainly one way to effect comedy, so maybe that's where some of the other readers are picking that up. But even if it didn't create genre dissonance for me, it still made this feel far less authentic than they should. Someone who's been dropping subtle hints she feels aren't being perceived would just go to more overt things, right? Like directly stating what she wants, not forcing the issue.
So on a type of story that requires the utmost adherence to realism and authenticity, you lost me on both counts. But I don't fault the writing itself. The word choice, sentence flow, etc., were well done, so I have no doubt you're an able author. You just picked a subject that you couldn't fit in the word count, give the gravity it needed, do the research for, and all that stuff.
Reminder: I'll be available in #mentors or via email/FiMFic PM for anyone who wants another set of eyes on their entry. However, I'll be out of town on Sunday, so I can't promise I'll be on duty then. I'll try, but I don't know what the hotel wi-fi will be like or what my schedule will be. If you want help, even on an incomplete draft, you might want to play it safe and ask on Saturday. I will keep a status message up in #mentors saying whether I'm on duty.