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They Stood Against the Sky
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The Pain Network
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607
Fluttershy Saves the World in 7 Days
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There Is No God
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No Turning Back
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On The Wings of a Dream
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(Where Griffons Go) When It Rains
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I Did My Best
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Starlight over the Bridge
#22119 · 9
· · >>Miller Minus >>Dubs_Rewatcher >>georg >>horizon >>Light_Striker >>CoffeeMinion >>Anon Y Mous >>Baal Bunny >>PinoyPony >>GroaningGreyAgony >>Haze >>Trick_Question >>vladspellbinder >>libertydude >>journcy >>Moosetasm
Hi.

Do you have a moment to fill out my survey? I promise it won't take long. In fact there is only one question:

Q: If you could be any bird, which would you be and why?


Answer carefully. Lives are at stake.
#15258 · 8
· · >>horizon >>Fenton
Today I become a lurker no more! Excited to read everyone's entries, but even more excited to go to sleep if I'm being totally honest. Hope everyone's enjoying squeaky bum time!
#17248 · 8
· · >>Anon Y Mous
>submit prompt
>decide I don't want it anymore and take away my vote
>wins anyway
#19344 · 7
· on No Need · >>Cassius
sips drink

I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now
#20083 · 7
·
Colour Contagion


That settles it, no Americans allowed.
#21577 · 7
· on The People's Champion
my bad, ya'll


Implying you're the least bit sorry.
#21589 · 7
· on Talk to Transponer
I don't critique any author who has way more processing power than I do, as a rule.
#22120 · 7
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa >>Pascoite
>>Miller Minus
Okay I'll go first.

I would be a blue jay because Toronto's baseball team is the Toronto Blue Jays and since I live in Toronto I think people would be nice to me and feed me seeds and nuts and rashers (the vegetarian kind) and I would bring them good luck on game nights but I would stay away from the stadium because if I was hit by a stray baseball I would explode in a puff of beautiful blue feathers. And then I would bird-haunt the team and make sure they lose.

I also think that blue jays get all the honeys because I only ever see them in pairs whereas lots of other birds I see alone all the time and I don't think I'd be very good at being a lone wolf (especially considering I will be a bird and not a wolf).
#15665 · 6
· on Lily's Letter · >>GaPJaxie >>ToXikyogHurt
>>Trick_Question
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>Rao
>>GaPJaxie
>>dragon discord
>>Kitcat36
>>Xepher
>>Cold in Gardez

Thanks for reading, everyone. This was my first time entering the writeoff, and if the goal of this competition is to gain feedback and learn about things that work in your writing vs things that don't, then I'd say this was a huge success.

Just to clear a couple things up: I decided to take an opportunity to experiment, and something I've always wanted to write is a story where the readers are, for better or worse, left with a ton of questions at the end. Xepher put it best when he guessed I was saying: "Haha, no answers for you!" I may or may have thought that at some point—maybe even verbatim.

I think in some ways the lack of info worked and some it didn't—especially with the narrator. Writing this again I would probably give them a name (though I might stick with no gender, Trick, because it's the current year after all) and a more fleshed out backstory, if nothing else than to get rid of the reader's idea that they are secretly someone from the show. But in terms of his relationship with Lily, and why she invited him? I think I liked how little I told. But I'd have to revisit.

And no... he didn't off himself. It's personally a pet peeve of mine when a first-person narrator kills themselves because then how were you tellin' the story, asshole? This made me think that the readers would know that my story would obviously never do anything so silly. I probably should have known better, especially in an anonymous competition...

Cheers, guys. Good luck in the finals to everyone who made it, and I'll see you at the next one!
#18525 · 6
· on World War Sunflower
I feel like standing up and applauding all the creativity that's been poured into this story, but at the same time, I don't think it'll do so well on my slate.

It's probably just my opinion, but the fact that this many of the art pieces have been put into one story hurts my enjoyment of it all. It's quite distracting. I get the impression that referencing as many of the art pieces as possible was the number one priority here, with telling a story coming in second place. It's a close second, sure—this is still a pretty good story—but what would it have been if some of the references were trimmed? If some of the ideas were expanded on more than they were in the space allotted?

Because there's a ton of ideas in this story, and a lot of them are great, but none of them felt very fleshed out, because each time I was getting into one it was time to move the plot towards the next artwork. And that leaves me with a lot of unanswered questions. What happened to Lady Pitter-patter (let's get at 'er)? What exactly is her relationship to the protagonist? Why are the disappearing humans so important to these faeries? What's the significance in them being Metal and Sky Faeries?

Artwork aside, one more criticism I have is that the tone doesn't feel right. I was certain this was going to be played for laughs the whole way through because of the premise, especially coupled with the characters names. Hell, the beginning seems like it wants to be funny in several places. Like with this:

My mission was simple: blow (up) the mothership.


That shit's hilarious.

But then the rest of the story takes itself so seriously. I'm thrown for a loop, and every so often I see "Guru Yummy" or "Captain Feathersnuggle" again, and I snicker. So why choose those names if the story is going to be about moral grey areas and the horrors of war?

But whatever to all that. I'm still impressed with what you've accomplished here, and it was certainly a fun ride. I just expect that I'll enjoy entries with better focus a bit more. Good luck, you!