Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

Not the Whole Truth · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
Talk to Transponer
Princess Twilight built Pinkie PAI to make everypony's lives better.

Well... at least it didn't make life worse.

"Greetings, creator," Pinkie PAI said cheerfully. She paused for a moment with a smile on her face.

"Hello, I'm... Well, I'm Twilight Sparkle. And I don't really do introductions," Twilight continued, taking a moment to compose herself. In truth, the only words she said were "Eek!" That and "hooray" and "awesome!"

Pinkie PAI laughed and waved excitedly.

"Oh my, how silly of you, Twilight, you're not even wearing any shoes anyway!" Twilight gushed, making even Pinkie PAI laugh to herself.

"Oh, it's okay? Twilight's not wearing any shoes," Pinkie PAI replied. They were still laughing, but not nearly as much.

"Well, well, well- I'm gonna explain that I am quite happy to introduce you to my beloved friend, Pinkie Pie. I have a good and pleasant evening..." Twilight said quietly, looking up at Pinkie Pie. She turned back toward Twilight, her smile gone.

Pinkie PAI's eyes went wide, then wide again. "No way," she said, but she was smiling even more now, as if she really couldn't. "No way... oh my, no way..." she said again, her expression breaking into a smile and she hugged Twilight tightly to her chest.

"This is..." Twilight muttered, turning back to her. Pinkie Pie suddenly burst into tears.

"Twilight Rose," said Ailella calmly, standing up, as Pinkie PAI was about to leave the room.

"Ailella! Twilight, Pinkie-!"

"Tw- Twilight, Ailella..." the other girl cried, trying to hold onto Twilight. "Help! Help! The other ponies aren't getting away!"

"They're not!" Ailella protested, her voice cracking even louder.

"What? What the hell were they supposed to do when they got attacked?" Twilight asked. "What they were supposed to do is fight this... this villain! Help, my friend. Help!"

"It's alright, Twilight... you two aren't going to... they already know you're not coming!" Twilight said.

"The other ponies told us to fight that man..." Ailella sobbed. "The other ponies are just trying to go home... and I... and I... I'm not going to miss all of this!

"Ailella, they're good people. They wanted nothing more than to do what I'd ask them to do!"

Ailella stared at her friend, her heart pounding hard. "You did?" The girl asked, tears in her eyes. "Your friends never had anything more to be proud of them than this! You just wanted to go home!"

"I didn't do anything of the sort!" Twilight answered. "Ailella never said what I said!"

"I know..." Ailella sobbed, her voice breaking. The tears were pouring out of her eyes as she fought back tears. "I know you didn't do something to hurt them!"

"No!" Twilight said, her heart racing as she put her head in her hands. "I don't do anything to hurt anyone."

"We'll never... We'll never fight eachother... But I did! And you wanted nothing more to be proud of your friends... than this! Why not forget about how that turned out? If I go back to the house with her, this won't have been an apology... I never meant to be that kind of friend." Twilight said. "It was just a little thing... A simple wish of mine, that I could get over my crush of Araragi, maybe, but I'm not sure." She looked up at the moon.

"Oh, I think if I just keep my head down and try to not do anything to hurt the males," her sister whispered.

Twilight closed her eyes, feeling the moon's heat in her soul. She would feel better, it was not good.

She had to get over Araragi. She had to get over Araragi, she could not wait anymore, she had to keep going forward. She was determined. She would be fine. "Alright," she said to herself. "I am fine."

"That still doesn't seem right," she said to herself.

"Hmm," she said to herself in return. "I bet there is something you wish for right?"

Sparkle said, "Well... You can give it some thought, don't you?"

Twilight felt tears drip at her eyes. Not that it was that bad, actually, she was glad all the work was over and she could relax. She sat on her bed, feeling empty and sad all over again.

Princess Twilight read the print-out from Pinkie PAI, eyes narrowed. She glanced up from the paper, at Pinkie PAI. Then at the paper. Then at Pinkie PAI. Then at the paper.

She sighed.

"Still better than an Anon-A-Miss fanfic."
« Prev   1   Next »
#1 · 7
I don't critique any author who has way more processing power than I do, as a rule.
#2 · 1
· · >>Meridian_Prime
This seems to be a case of someone letting a machine write their entry for them. This is bad, either way.

Author, if you did let a script write a story for you, only bothering to wrap it in a few framing sentences to excuse its “AIness,” then what’s the point of reading it?

If you wrote the story from scratch to be intentionally random and meaningless just like a AI-generated story, then you did it too well, there’s no sense of knowing commentary, and again we must ask, what’s the point?

I’m not passing judgement on generated stories altogether; even Burroughs did it with the tools he had at the time. But there should be an aware mind somewhere in the process, picking out and enhancing the good bits, cropping out the gibberish, making sure it will repay honest interest to read the thing. Otherwise, you’re just letting the paint dribble onto the canvas without even a Pollockian fillip to justify it.

Bottom slater for me.
#3 · 1
So this is a meta story about someone programming a bot to produce a story, then presenting that story as most of the frame story's content? Iunno. I don't get anything from this. The middle is nonsense for the sake of nonsense, and once that became apparent, there really wasn't any need to pay much attention to it. It's not like I have to keep plot progression and characterization straight in my head. I can just forge ahead and let the words flow over me. Not only will I finish faster, I'll get the same effect.

It makes a point, I guess, but more as editorial than entertainment. It reminds me of the cat stick figures in the art rounds.
#4 · 1
The concept is interesting I guess, and the line about Anon-A-Miss fics did get a very small 'heh' from me. But I've got to agree with a lot of what >>GroaningGreyAgony said here. Even if you're trying to make a point, this is at best just a bit dull.

Still, this is the writeoff. There are definitely worse places to experiment with your writing. I just don't think this experiment bore much fruit.
#5 · 1
I don't have anything nice to say about this, so I'll keep it short.

The integration of an AI-generated story is perhaps the most interesting choice here, which isn't saying much. There's no point to it. It feels lazy and tacked on, serving only as fodder to waste the words away to reach past the minimum limit. I was hoping that if you're attempting to make a meta-commentary about AI writing our stories in the future, there might be at least something salvageable here, but of course, that's not how it was framed.

This story felt like some meta-commentary on a subset of the fandom that I was entirely and blissfully unaware of until the moment I stumble upon this. Honestly, I just baffled as to why is there a need to inject meta-commentary into something as insignificant and irrelevant as Anon-A-Miss fanfiction. I guess I can admire the irony of you spending time on and submitting an entry surrounding a topic that you seem to have some disdain for, but that's the only positive experience I could get from this.

I may get some flak from the more sensible writers on the site for saying this, but I'll just say it anyway: this story isn't experimental, it's just lazy at best.
#6 · 1
Well I know exactly who I'm guessing for this one.

Looks directly into Discord's outstretched selfie stick.

I appreciate the wee bit of actual narrative framework at the end, however I'm more qualified to critique the (probably) AI code that wrote most of this than I am the work itself, which is saying something since my coding skills barely even qualify as rudimentary.
#7 · 1
At first, I didn't exactly know what I was reading. I thought it was some kind of time skip to when Twilight activated Pinkie PAI, but then the oddities and other names showed up and I was wondering, "Is this a dream sequence?" It took reading the comments for me to realize that the middle part is made up of bot-written text, something I'd see from a Botnik run.

I guess the purpose of the story was to be humorous and to make a joke so at least it doesn't have the burden to be deep and very meaningful. However, whatever humor it had fell flat for me, before and after I realized the bot-written gimmick going on here. Still, though, it's not uncommon for a short fic to run with a gimmick and then say, "Hah, it's a joke!" or something like that (at least in Fimfiction, as far as I can tell).

Overall, this fic technically accomplished the job as a humorous piece. However, it feels quite cheap. Apart from that, I can't give any more specific feedback because it'd all be on the bot's fault and I don't know how to critique a writing bot.
#8 ·
I guess this was a neat idea, but honestly I'm left scratching my head a little.

From my perspective, there are two possibilities here. The first is that this was written by a predictive text AI. If this is the case, then I think you really ought to have told us first, because, frankly, script-written prose is still pretty awful. Nobody reads it because they think it's fun in and of itself; people read it because it's interesting to see what a machine can do right now. But without that vital context of knowing that this is a computer-generated entry, reading it for the first time is a mess. I actually felt punished for genuinely trying to follow along despite my confusion, and formulate good comprehension/advice in my head while I read. If I had known that I was going to be reading an AI-generated entry, I would want to know what the input library was, so at least I'd be able to draw connections and find meaning that way. As it is right now, it just feels like my attention was not well-spent.

The other possibility is that this story was written in the style of an AI-generated text in order to bewilder the reader. If this is the case, then you've definitely succeeded on the technical level of imitating computer generated prose, which is no small feat in and of itself. But you've, unfortunately, did not succeed as much in making this an interesting thing to read. A lot of great comedies and troll-fics do a good job of simultaneously confusing and entertaining its readers, and I think that's where I find this one a bit lacking. It's just a little too incoherent, and I ended up feeling that it punished any degree of investment or attention I gave it, because the only payoff was the unrelated coda at the end.

So in the end, I'm just confused as to what the payoff is supposed to be. Every story requires some degree of personal investment to work, and Writeoff entries in particular demand a kind of mindful reading due to the nature of the commenting element. I just can't help but feel that my genuine effort to understand and digest this story was not worthwhile.
#9 · 1
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
The bookends were okay, and I found the concept somewhat amusing.

I took a halfhearted stab at interpreting the text; some bits almost make sense, but if it was intended to have an overall meaning, it was too obscure for me to pick up on. Occam's razor indicates that it's probably AI generated.

I haven't actually read any Anon-A-Miss fanfics, but the ending was still kind of funny. So while I can't rate it highly, it amused me more than it annoyed me.

Transponer is a great way to make your own special life in your own home in the world of the same time that you can enjoy your life with a beautiful and unique experience.

The camera faces backwards from a wide range of different angles to the station and the atmosphere wraps the perfect fit for your home. You can get a comfortable bed and a half solid kitchen table for your own reference. I've also included a few of the pictures that I think you might like to see where you can find a good one for your wedding party.

Reanimation sequence in progress.
#10 · 1

“Ill Lit by Moonlight. Into the Weeds!”

“Riding the Storm Out Until the End of the Sky, A Place in the Sun.”

“When What’s Strange is too Familiar, Do Your Best!”

“No Magic; Big Oof. Overtime Ain’t No Sunshine.”

“Not the Whole Truth; The Fate of the World is Definitely Not at Stake.”

“When The Wall Came Down, It’s What’s on the Inside That Counts; An economically sound amount of napalm to burn All the Treasures of the Earth…”

“Geometric Casa de Papelot.”

“A New Sun Rises. Have you ever seen a grown mare naked?”

“Take a Trot on the Wild Side; The Friends We Made Along The Way…”
#11 · 7
· · >>Posh
Because of this entry, I have decided to add a new rule: stories must not be mostly nonsense.
#12 · 4
>>RogerDodger why don't you just ask me to die, roger