First thing that caught my eye was the background. The texture makes it look like it's all happening in a strangely tiled dome, or maybe the sky itself is broken. It's a really cool effect, either way. I noticed there are six primary tendrils coming off of the sun, touching five on-screen crystals. I assume there's a sixth out of shot. Interesting to note is the one tendril showing a extra little love to the right-most crystal.

What does this all mean? Hell if I know, but it looks great.

BIGGER SIZE
BETTER VALUE

This line would have been enough to gain points for me. But all the little details add to the joke and I laughed hard each time I found a new one.

So it won't be a top tier but a solid mid tier for me. Good job, you made my day.

Simple line style, but the story is in the colors. The lines look like they were placed on parchment that has since grown quite old. There's yellowing in many places, and browning in others, almost like it's been exposed to heat, but not quite burned. The composition of the scene itself—removed helmet, stack of paperwork off to the side, quill far away on the other side of the desk—says, "end of a hard day's work."

Combine the title, the color, and the composition, and I get the feeling that I'm looking at the faded memory of a retired guard looking back at his days of service long since passed.

I think, in terms of raw artistic quality, this is the best piece I've seen on the Writeoff yet. Not that my exposure is 100%, but still. Damn. The details in Luna's eyes are beautiful and striking. It looks like the sun reflected in her eyes, but there are also stars in there, so I'm deeply curious about exactly what it is she's looking at. Which, upon further thought, plays perfectly into the title.

Special shout-out to the quality of her mane. You captured it's ethereal character in still image.

This picture is the one that inspired the story I couldn't finish in time. Spoilers for that story or whatever.

Seeing a cloaked Luna with a powerful expression reminded me of the Spirit of Hearth's Warming Yet to come, so I decided to write the story of the spirit learning to love the holiday and then seeing it ruined by windigos.

To the artist, when the contest is over, is it okay if I use this as the coverart for the story? If not that's totally fine, I just love this image :raritystarry:

First one to show up, and I must say that I'm on the way to a good start.

Sunset and Celestia's issues are a subject beaten to death. However, while this story doesn't really add anything new, it offers a new perspective. I liked the back and forth between the two settings. The announcement you make at the beginning is fulfilled.

With that, she begun distributing five cards on the tabletop.

Five cards, five flashbacks.
Moreover, even if the story is full of drama, the ending is kinda heartwarming and promise a better future. Because we also knows the story of Sunset's redemption, I believe ending on a dark, sad note wouldn't have worked for me.
Also, I assumed the hooded pony was Sunset, not Celestia. So when the revelation came, the surprise worked well.

However, my main concern with this piece is it's lacking subtlety at some points. Example:

“Think I could get more challenging materials? It’s getting a little boring.”

Celestia froze in her tracks.

Her heart raced. And her mind went fuzzy with memories. She attempted to maintain her composure, but the longer the silence lasted, the more it threatened to break and shatter. What was going to be her reply?

What would she say?

“Umm…” Celestia stammered. “I…”

The bold part needs to be cut off for me. Your story is short enough for the reader to remember the main focus of your story. We directly understand with Twilight's question that Celestia will feel conflicted about it, so there is no need to hammer this in your reader's mind.

So overall, it's a solid piece. With some rework, focusing mainly on subtlety, I believe you'll have something great. Thank you for sharing.

Huh. No one wrote any stories about the Scootaloo, Rarity/Spike, Fluttershy(?), or Rainbow Dash pictures. It's like you all just wanted to write about Celestia or something.

Hm.

This one ended up making a much better impression on me than I expected. The first scene was a little much, and I feel obligated to point out that your prose drifts into purple territory as soon as the first paragraph. The setting – a background character is actually a battle-hardened veteran of the Lunar Republic – isn't exactly fresh, either.

But still, there's a lot of uniqueness at play here. Vinyl's muteness and her way of communicating. The inversion of the normal poor-DJ, rich-cellist trope. Vinyl's indecision after the first night in the bar.

After that first meeting in the bar, though, things go a bit wobbly. The scene with Vinyl rescuing Octavia from her own theft felt a bit forced: what an amazing coincidence that Octavia just happened to nick that poor stallion's coin purse just as Vinyl showed up. The penultimate scene felt good, but the final scene, with Octavia asking to stay and Vinyl just saying yes, felt a little weak.

Overall, though, the originality on display here is intriguing. This is the kind of story I'd actually be interested in reading a longer version of, which is very rare in the Writeoffs. I'm pleased this was the first story on my slate.

>>The_Letter_J
I didn't finish my Scootaloo story before the deadline :(

>>The_Letter_J
Can't imagine why Celestia would be on people's minds... :ajlie:

Quifons, a silly place.

It's an interesting concept, a beautiful world that only the innocent children appear to be aware of.

>>The_Letter_J Sparity (or a cruel subversion thereof) was actually the first place my mind went before I settled on a version of If You Give A Little Love where Babs Seed fights terrorism.

>>DuskPhoenix (cc: >>Rao)
Don't forget that if you wrote a story to this round's prompt, it qualifies to be put in the Writeoff FIMFiction group's folder for this round, even if you weren't able to submit it to the Writeoff site!

We've had a few people not quite hit the submission window this round, so I've created this month's folder a little early. If you ARE in the competition here — remember to NOT publish your entry elsewhere (or otherwise break your anonymity!) until after the Gallery page lists your name by your story!

(Some reviews through my art slate as I start my reading.)

This has a simple, cartoonish style, but it's a quite polished simple, cartoonish style, with some nice details (like the cake on her Cutie Mark – though I thought it was a cheese wheel at first and got confused). I also appreciate that the thick black lines of the palanquin bearers draw lots of visual attention relative to the grey lines of Celestia, which is what you want. A solid technical effort that's also worth a smile (and a wince of sympathy).

I'm both relieved and a little disappointed that there are no entries based on it.

My main complaint is that, as furry trash, I see a lot of this as fetish porn and it's not my fetish. :P My main actually legitimate complaint is that the three rays of the Cutie Mark make it look more like a triskelion than a solar symbol.

Overall, well done!

First story on my slate, and hot damn does it impress top to bottom. A few typos and errant words here and there, and one half-typed use of "adventurer," but par for course on an 8 kiloword project.

In no particular order: I love the integration of Deer as a forerunner empire. If I'm reading right, the Deer are the OG Alicorns and seriously messed some stuff up in their quest to do whatever nigh-omnipotent societies do that inevitably cause their downfall. Just, delicious expansion of ungulate lore in the world.

Celestia as the rough and tumble, caution to the wind type is always a favorite, as it contrasts so heavily with her canonical (and even popular fanonical) depictions. Luna being pulled along for her schemes is lovely relationship building. Tangentially related: Having Celestia pull Luna along in the very beginning, and Luna's reaction to it, was a fantastic way to subtley show that we're not dealing with modern-day, or even ye olden, Alicorn Tia and Lulu, and by proxy set the time period in the very distant past.

Being half-sisters is just icing on the cake, especially with all the not-so-subtle racism (Classism, maybe, since the two are inextricably linked, and there doesn't seem to be any overt ill-will between species) going on. Luna showing so much love for her sister, despite her being ostensibly a commoner and a hazard to her own development, is fantastic. It makes what we—and apparently the Roe King—know is coming all the worse for both of them.

I'm starting to geek out at a Syndrome level, so I'll cut it short. Suffice it to say, I'm thoroughly enchanted by everything in this story.

An unexpected 'story' we have here. Something between a textbook and a guidebook. Someone found out the source from where this entry is based, and now, the mixed feelings I had are even stronger.

I mean, I had a hard tim finishing my reading, because I didn't have something strong to keeping me hooked. But now that I saw the source, there are several sentences that are just copy pasted, changing just one or two words (I didn't check the whole entry, just the beginning so it maybe only happenning in the first paragraphs). I can't help but feels it's lazy. Last time we had copy pasted sentences, it felt heavily connected to the prompt so I thought it was a smart trick (link to the story). Because of this, I fear that I may have missed this connection so I won't accuse the author to be lazy.

That being said, there isn't much to get from the story. That kined of narration is a tough trick to pull. Usually, the story lies in small details or references made throughout the text. Here, I didn't get many and it seems there isn't a story hiding underneath.

I'm sorry to say that but it won't score well for me. However, I still encourage you to work harder on these kind of things. In the end, what you'll have definitely won't appeal to a large audience, but I think it's still worth the work. Being able to tell a story through fragments hidden in guidebook is a really beutiful thing, something that you can be proud of.

Another entry that goes for minimalism, though I'm not certain how well it serves you: with nothing but the Celestia figure and the sun, it's a little difficult to figure out the implied story here, as >>GroaningGreyAgony notes. I'll join the crowd requesting some sort of background, even if it's just a horizon line. (>inb4 some wag submits art whose background is a quote from one of my stories)

There's definite effort made here toward cleaning up the sketchiness of the piece, which I appreciate. Your lines look solid despite some obvious buildup (a few stray bits sticking out on curves), the cutie mark is nice fine detail, and the mane coloration in particular is very clean on the exterior edges (mixing hand-sketched lines with digital fill coloring is usually a recipe for rasterization problems; looks like you've got the layer masking thing down). The sun's rays strike me as odd, though — they look a bit like orange hands.

You've got some spotting in the area-where-her-wings-should-be that I'm not certain is intentional. But the strangest thing about the missing wings is that she does have her full auroral hair — this clearly isn't pre-ascension Celestia. That strongly implies some sort of trauma which kinda distracts from the theme of the piece.

It strikes me that her regalia (chest-thing/hoof-things/tiara) is missing, too, which might imply further story or might just point to a lack of art time.

Thank you for entering! The quality of the effort here is admirable; I just wish there was more pic to admire. :)

>>Super_Trampoline
TIL that Super Trampoline posts via voice-to-text on a mobile, and pronounces tarot [TEH-roh] as "Ter-rot"

(TIAL that "terret" is a hoers pun)

Anyway:

Congratulations, artist! This piece wins a special Honorizonable Mention™ For Best Use Of Tarot, which comes with a free drunken My Little Pony Tarot reading if our paths ever cross at a convention. (I'll be at Bronycon in two months!) If that's unlikely to happen, I can do a probably-less-drunken four-card Equestrian spread for you here (if you want to make it a public spectacle) or via e-mail/Fimfic PM. Claim your prize after anonymity ends.

Judging-wise, this wins lots of Horizon points for theme, but it's definitely on the sketchier side, which hurts it technically. I like some details (the Summer Sun sun-raising pose on the exposed card; the sharp crosshatching on the card backs for shading; the bit on the left) and the spot color was absolutely a strong choice. I really wish this had been cleaned up similar to the other entries I was just commenting on. With clean lines and digital shading (or even taking a finger to your paper to do by-hand pencil-smudge shading — does everybody draw in pen now? :P) this would have been angling for my top contenders. All told it will probably fall about mid-tier.

While doing a few first impressions before any serious reviewing: hah! I appreciate the implied Thaumcraft crossover. (I wonder what Twilight's infusion altar would look like, for instance…)

I'll come back to this one with a decent review in good time, but let it be known that there's beauty here.

>>The_Letter_J
For what it's worth, my original idea was totally a Scootaloo fic based on the picture. I don't know why, but I got as far as an outline before the inspiration just dropped off.

When reviewing a story which is clearly based on a manual for fire investigators, it is helpful for the reviewer to keep these factors in mind:

—Is the piece original, or a transcription?

In the case of esoteric industry manuals, finding the source may require more effort than is feasible. Due diligence may be defined as the process of sampling the work via text selection of sentences which seem more mundane than the others, and using these as search terms. Failing any result,the critic’s literary sense must be called to the fore. To what degree did the author put real creative effort into the work? Was it a basic transcription of the original, merely substituting “thaumaturgical” for “chemical?” The former requires departing from the scope of the original manual and forming original and interesting connections, perhaps even progressing to world-building. The latter is a much less interpretive form of parody that can be performed by pretty much anyone with a thesaurus, and is much less compelling to critique or read.

In this case, using the title of the work as a search term yielded a document likely to be one of the sources used. My conclusion from a double reading and further searching is that, between the insurance investigation manuals and the Thaumcraft references, there is not a very large amount of original synthesis, and not a very strong connection to Pony fiction, or indeed the prompt (save in the case of the fire theme.)

—Is the combination something worth reading?

We do not expect the author of a technical paper to be an expert on English composition, but only to know at least enough to impart meaning clearly, if sometimes ungrammatically or in jargon. In this case, the grammar is often worse that the source document I was able to locate. Perhaps the one I could not find was worse, or perhaps (as there are some grammatical improvements from the source I found) the author combined documents, made replacements of technical terms, and ran out of time when doing a grammatical revision. An author may, of course, intentionally portray technical errors in writing in order to represent a larger range of human experience (most people are not experts in their native language!), but the purported errors here do not seem to be to be intentional. They follow no particular scheme I can detect.

With all of the above said, it should be recorded by the present reviewer that the assemblage, despite its technical shortcomings, at least inspired some amusement, and indeed the composition of a long-winded review in the style of the work reviewed, a sign that the author at least succeeded in engaging with part of the audience at some level. For this, thanks should be extended to the author of the piece in question.

The reviewed story should, after all relevant factors are considered, be placed at its apparent relative ranking in the investigative slate, which in the present instance shall be characterized as mid-tier. All precautions should be taken to prevent cross-memetic contamination, unless evidence-chain corrupting amounts of Meta are desired.

I’m not much of one for EqG or Romance stories in general, but this one is witty and sharply written and should do well. Thank you, Author!

Second story, second origin, and damned if it's not another great one. On top of that, I didn't even see the big reveal coming until it hit, so extra points! Bonus bonus points for invoking Invictus. Now, this story does raise the question of where, when, and how Luna comes into play amidst all this history, and that's another story I'd certainly read.

The whole package works exceedingly well as a "young hero is called to action by tragedy" arch, and the camp with the old griffon Geir was particularly heartwarming for me. Nothing is better than finding someone else who remembers someone you love.

I feel like there's a joke or reference I'm missing, and it's a vital piece in understanding what's happening here. The manual is detailed enough, and seems like solid advice from what I recall in Chemistry safety class, but as a narrative construct I'm kind of at a loss.

Maybe my eyes are tired, or I'm just not looking closely enough. I'll happily take the blame if this is the case and I'm just too dense to see the clever thing hiding in front of me.

>>Rao
This.

I mean, ultimately, this is not a story. There is no plot here. It's a guidebook to made up magic, which could be fun if either
A. The magic system is interesting enough to make the guidebook fascinating
B. The guidebook is humorous in nature and the stylistic choice is part of the planned humor.

Unfortunately, I felt neither here, so this fell totally flat for me and came across more as pure gimmick.

Genre: I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE, AND I BRING YOU...

Thoughts: I was drawn here by the ALL-CAPS and the funny title. I find the early execution to be enjoyable based on absurdism alone, though the humor drops off a bit toward the end. Ultimately though, I think >>GroaningGreyAgony gives an elegant summary of this story's strengths and weaknesses. I'll just add that the attempt to parody this kind of guidebook is cool and ambitious by itself, but this version seems to at once both lift a bit too much from the presumed source material, while also losing a bit of its connection to pony as it goes along.

Tier: Needs Work

Genre: Through The Meta Glass

Thoughts: What we have here looks like rules a reasonably interesting game, followed by a fusillade of meta. On the one hand, I applaud the creativity on offer here, and I'll confess the joke at Oroboro's expense got a laugh out of me. Unfortunately I don't think it's the sort of situation where there's a story hidden underneath the silliness, which makes it hard for me to rank it alongside the stories here.

I might have to try this game, though...

Tier: Orthogonal

Genre: Epistolary with a twist-olary (please don't kill me, I couldn't resist)

Thoughts: I feel like this could've been a bright little slice-of-life if it had ended on a different note. Right now it's missing something to help tie together the themes of joy and struggle in ponies' lives, and the current final letter makes for a confusing downer of an ending. Really though, this was at its best when it was skirting the edge of silliness, such as with the reactions we got from Mr. Cake and Filthy Rich. Give us something like that to end it with!

Tier: Almost There

time to play the game of Does This Count as a Story?

almost. I think it almost does.
It's probably all a joke, not intended to be taken seriously, but I see some potential here that makes me almost want to take it seriously.

This describes the rules to a pretty basic Chutes & Ladders type of game, which is alright because it's simple enough for anyone to understand. The key content is in all this flavor text for special event squares. Though an awful lot of them send you back a long way, which sounds frustrating even for young children.

It's just so random. And I don't just mean because it's played by rolling dice. Nor do I mean all the non-sequitur "random" humor and writeoff references in the foreword and afterword. It's random because none of the game's spaces connect with each other within a structure, it's just a list of show-related events that could happen in any order. Narrowing this down even a little could've made a cohesive theme, and then I might see it as telling a story in a creative, unconventional way.

As it is now, it's just a joke with a gimmick.

Before there is some proper writeoff reviewing being done, I decided since I kept banging on about titles in other rounds that I ought talk a little about titles. So I grabbed Ran and we went through all the titles (without looking at the fics) and amalgamated some thoughts on them.

So what sort of thoughts are these? Well, imagine we were at the bookstore, browsing book spines. Which stories do we pull off the shelf to look at? Which do we ignore? FIND OUT NOW.

We'll do one more look after we get through the stories to again assess how well the titles worked within the context of the story, because, yeah, to reiterate, this is some blind browsing bullshit here.

LEMME GET A LOOK AT THAT
Under the Sun: The Game!: I personally hate this exclamation point, but it accurately sells the seem irreverence and comedy, which means if you're looking for that sort of thing, you're in!

THAUMIC FIRES: A PRACTICAL APPROACH: STANDS OUT IN THE LIST. GOOD HOOK IDEA AS IT IMPLIES CHARACTERIZATION AND CONCEPT. RAN THINKS THIS IMPLIES TRIXIE. I THINK THIS IMPLIES TWILIGHT. WHO WILL RISE? WHO WILL FALL?

HMMM... MAYBE...
The Roe King's Tomb: I hope this is about fish eggs.

To Bring Back The Sun: Not super exciting, but does solid a job of implying the sort of story this might be

Unexpected Hazards of Interdimensional Transit: Its close to being funny, but doesn't quite make it. Not quite punchy enough.

Down To The Waterline: Reads nicely, seems to set some atmosphere.

Tales from Another Time: A Cantata Mezza Voce: Pretentious, long, vaguely interesting, lowercase F is weird as the only lower case, and probably about music ponies.

A Walk Beyond the Stars: It's fine. Vaguely pleasant sounding. Ran bets Sci-Fi, I bet Twilight/Celestia romance.

MIGHT TAKE A SECOND LOOK
The Nightmare Macabre: While I don't personally like this and I think it sounds like a bad indie horror game, I am forced, on principle, to agree that it does do a good job of (presumably) setting the tone for what kind of story this is going to be. I still don't like the words together.

The Archetypist: Not super great, but there is something to be said for the question of what an Archetypist is.

Unnatural Remedies: Cute little play on natural rememdies that has me vaguely intrigued as to what kind of story it is, but I am once again forced to agree that it doesn't really do a good job actaully communicating anything as to whether I want to read this story.

A Ghost of a Problem: There is some intrigue here and this at least seems to offer us something (spooky ghosts, I hope), but doesn't read good.

PASS
And Not Pick One: It just doesn't flow well. Kinda just thuds into place as written. Could be good in context of the story, but here in the "is this pulling us in?" review chunk? Nah.

72 hours: Title case is important, especially in such short title. It really stands out and sort of sets the tone for it being not super great writing.

Unsolicited: Just no real hook. One word titles have to be awesome words. Like mimblewimble.

A Gem Beneath: Needs something to follow up the word beneath. It just feels incomplete.

The Fool and the Sun: I am thou. Thou art I. Thou dost not tell us anything nor engage us in anyway.

No Brakes: Sorta the same thing as Unnatural Remedies, but doesn't strike with the cuteness to at least vaguely intrigue me.

Looking for Trouble: Generic regular phrase does not particularly inspire me to try.

Of course, someone smarter than me had to arrive before me. Curse you, >>Cold in Gardez! Now I have to just say "I agree".

Well in fact, I'll voice a point louder. This feels like a good start but it ends before we have something interesting happening between this best greatest awesome nice pair. We immediately understand who is the pony once you mentionned "the grey pony" and even if you take time before having the two of them interact, I think the pace fits and add thrills to our expectation. Unfortunately, it seems you really run out of time, relying on fast and cheap tricks to get Vinyl and Octavia in Vinyl's home. We don't spend enough time inside Vinyl's head to fully understand how much music means to her and thus, her decision to bring Octavia home feels a bit out of place. And, like I said, they barely start interacting that it's already over.

Last but not least, I don't really get the point to settle this story in a sci-fi, modern, technological environment. It is mentionned at the beginning but it doesn't play a big role, either in the story itself or just for describing things and setting an atmosphere.

Despite what I've said, this beginning is pretty good. Expand it and I'll be more than happy to read it. (OctaScratch is OTP, either romantic or just friends)

>>AndrewRogue
This is actually really entertaining. Thanks for this.

So I said in my review of Tales from Another Time that the author was veering dangerously close to purple prose in just his first paragraph. Then I get to this story.

There is, though, a point to the archaic and overwrought prose -- this is Luna's voice we hear. And though the style of story being told here, a monologue accounting for events as they transpire, is not one I'm generally a fan of, it does work. But I also wonder if a more conventional style of telling could have given you, author, more freedom to describe the dream world and its inhabitants. At times Luna's descriptions of them come across as a bit forced, and a reasonable person might wonder why she was narrating such things aloud.

Still, I like the imagining here. This story features some interesting events and settings, without bogged down by trying to explain too much. The references to Jabberwocky are a nice touch, and help add to the surrealness of the dream world.

A good effort, and a pleasure to read.

There are a few little problems in this, but before talking about them, I must say that I quite loved this one. I was engaged from the very beginning and it didn't fade until the end. Just like >>Rao, I was very surprised by the revelation.

It's a cute story that doesn't forget to have drama, and I really like that in stories. The scene with Ember drowning could have more tension with a bit of a rework though. As for the scene with the griffon, I very much concur with >>Rao once again. It's a very heartwarming scene, subtle enough to avoid to sugar intoxication.

The story does raise the question of the origin of Luna. However, since we have a complete arc, this question feels less like a plothole and more like excitement for a possible sequel on FimFic; a sequel I would be pleased to see coming to life.

Thank you for sharing your work. If you don't end up in my top slate, you'll probably be a high mid-tier.

>>CoffeeMinion has pretty much say everything. This was an interesting start. I was trying to find what connected the letters when it abruptly ended. I'm also confused by the author of the last letter and what he/she has to do with Twilight and Spike.
Moreover, I don't get the left space at the end. Did you run out of time and forget to erase them? Or did they actually have a meaning?

I'm too confused to rank this piece very high. However, I suggest you add more letters to what you already have and try to connect them in a more obvious way. Epistolary stories aren't a common genre and what you already have is quite solid. It's up to you to make it shine.

Edit: Epistolary stories aren't a common genre in the Writeoff

Today, I told myself I would only leave comments on art pieces with less than five responses so that I could hurry on to my story reviews, but I did need to note: The figure in the center looks like Princess Deadpool and I'm really curious if that was intentional.

I love world-building. Especially when it comes to magic systems. It comes from being a diehard Brandon Sanderson fan. That being said, the appendix at the end of his novels regarding the properties of his magical systems aren't stories. They're supplements to the stories. It's still fiction, but it's not a narrative.

It's the same thing with this document. While I get the faintest hint of there being a story involved, it's only at the very edge of visibility. I'm afraid to say that this simply doesn't work for me. It feels like someone just messing around and doesn't really fit with my admittedly limited knowledge of WriteOff stories.

If this is part of a greater tale, more power to you, but I'm having trouble seeing past the fact that I'm reading an instruction booklet and not a story.

More than five comments already but this one deserves some kudos. I always appreciate experiments in the Writeoffs, and I feel like this one is a success.

The Writeoff art rounds have been teaching me that I have somewhat mixed reactions to minimalism, but I'm noticing that I almost always appreciate it when a minimalist piece finds a clever way to incorporate its medium into the message it is trying to convey. (This one from last round also comes to mind.) This tells a strong story with remarkable efficiency — if a story that's a bit diluted in these days of canon Twilicorn.

Not sure how to feel about those blotches on the left. They add clutter without meaning and I dislike that. On the other hoof, I'm not sure I'd like it if the paper was blank besides the stamps, so the intention of them seems good even if the execution feels off.

My top tier is full of more ambitious pieces which also met their goals, but this is a very comfortable Solid.

tl;dr: What >>DuskPhoenix said.

There is a lot going on with the background here. You've got the diamond pattern in Celestia and Twilight's colors. You've got the orange overlay, which appears to be an entirely separate tiling, because it doesn't repeat at the same interval as the diamonds. Then you've got the occasional green blobs shadowing the purple diamonds. What's going on with those? Why do they only appear in a single diagonal stripe toward the lower right?

This is hard to enjoy but there's a lot in it to appreciate, is what I'm trying to say. Thank you for contributing!

Impressive. Gem was creepy yet sad yet... a dozen other things I can't place. Marble was sweet and cute (as a button) and definitely came across as living through her sister. Limestone was... well, Limestone. She freaks me out no matter what form she's in. And Sunset was classically Sunset.

The mindscape scene felt a bit... odd. There needs to be more there (Though I'm not sure what). But that's something that can be expanded upon.

That aside, I'm sold on the ship. When's the wedding?

Wow. Just... wow. The narration was spot on for Troubleshoes. Seriously, I'm blown away by this. I loved it. I loved the mystery surrounding who we eventually find out is Blueblood. I admit I actually missed who the love interest was at the very beginning. I missed a single word and it slipped by me until I went back at the end.

But the whole idea of the EqG world transformed into a wild west-style location after the Friendship Games (I'm guessing Sunset didn't manage to completely stop SciTwi). That was a great twist I never saw coming. I really wanted to find out more about this world. And since I suspect this is for Jake's contest, I do hope this gets expanded just a bit more. After all, it sounds like Sunset was the only survivor, though that could be because of her Ascendant form while the rest of the girls didn't have that kind of magic.

Definitely top tier here on narration alone. But add in some cute shipping and an alternate timeline with Sunset Shimmer as the single one keeping what's left of Canterlot alive? Hook, line and sinker. Great job!

>>Fenton >>JudgeDeadd >>The_Letter_J
I've been gnawing on the "looks off" question and I think it does come down to proportions. If you look at show fillies (e.g. google Sweetie Belle), the head is about as big as the body, which is the case here. But filly torsos are less elongated, and their legs are fatter (the torso is about four leg-widths long, and 2.5 leg-widths high). So the figures here feel like they have filly heads on adult bodies.

I like the prompt interpretation here, and some of the subtle detail (e.g. communicating emotion through the ear positions). The little bit of background we get, the 3-d floor, is a much better choice than a lazy horizon line, giving us depth and shadow. The sketching has obviously been cleaned up and the lines solidified. This isn't a hugely ambitious piece, but it meets its goals.

Completely and wholly unexpected, but delightful at the same time. While I tend to dislike any story that crosses Equestria with humanity (aside from EqG), I found I didn't mind in the end. The wonder of the dreamscape and the lessons on working with the stuff of the night were delightful. This felt very much like it was told from Luna's perspective and that type of narrative made it wonderfully unique (at least to me).

I wonder... it might add some mystery to remove the mention of the "visitor's" form and simply have Luna remark that they are curious looking. It might be a good challenge, especially with the short combat scene, to never actually describe what the being looks like in form. Allowing the reader to place any creature into that position might give it an even greater otherwordly vibe.

Wonderful entry and thoroughly enjoyed.

So... what's with this round and having stories that aren't actually stories?

I was laughing my tail off for most of this, but... it's not actually a story! I really want it to be one too! Just because of that, it's going to have to take a hit in my rating, even though I hate doing it. I really did love this thing.

The real question is how well has this been playtested, because I actually want to play this game right freaking now.

By the way, I object. Sunset Shimmer things can be sent to me too, you know. Jeez. Oroboro gets all the fun.

Two nitpicks:
1) You've got a stray line from Twilight's hair crossing her eye.
2) The solleret on Celestia's upraised leg curves with her knee pastern rather than the metal extending straight.

Otherwise both technically and artistically excellent.

The glimmer of an interesting story with the memories of Luna's background, but the plot just doesn't fly all that well to me. We have both vampire bats and vampire ponies. And the simple fact that Luna created them when she was Nightmare Moon was too easy. While seeing the dragons was a nice touch, it came at the last moment. This felt like a story trying to be a horror story without actually going into horror. It needs quite a bit of polish and a bit more thought about the setting. If you want to play the vampire card, have Snake Charm be terrified the entire time, believing the place to be cursed. See ancient watchtowers. Bones. Something. Give the atmosphere a more foreboding sense.

The characters also need a bit of work. Celestia and Luna didn't feel like themselves. Plus the idea of Celestia keeping the world's sun up just to save them all... down that road lies madness. Creatures across the world would panic. That aspect needs some work, but I think that can be handled by Celestia having to maintain a miniature sun above the group at all times (a bit like Pitch Dark, if you remember that... perhaps that was what you were going for). However, the effort continues to be more a lot more taxing, especially at night and then it finally fails right at midnight. (Having a belltower go off would be perfect narrative causality).

Also, take a closer look at your formatting. The spacing issues kept knocking me out of the narrative.

There's some flaws in the premise, but with some reworking and retooling of the storyline and the characters, this could turn into an intense, nail-driven survival story.

That being said, bonus points for using Raven. I'm glad it's been established that she's not an OC as in a previous WriteOff (yes, this salt is wonderful on my pretzel, thanks for asking.)

I'll admit I'm confused as heck, especially for the last two letters being "blank." Epistolary stories could work here, but I don't see much in the way of a coherent theme. It's as if somepony at Equestrian Royal Mail decided to wander through a bunch of random letters. Or if there is a theme... it went right over my head.

Ending the "story" on the letter to Spike was also a radically different change in attitude and style that left me with a sour taste. While I can see you're trying to show a gambit, that's not a great note to end on since it's so hateful it overshadows everything else.

I have a feeling that you may have simply ran out of time. If that's the case, I'd be curious to see what the complete version of this story would be.

for being titled Shadow of the Sun, it keeps bugging me that the shadow here is so muddy and sloppy, compared to the rest...

Huh. interesting idea, though the ending felt rather unsatisfying considering the sheer amount of build up to her on a train thinking. You've got the self-fulfilling prophecy problem, which is always a fun one, especially for a mind like Twilight's. We've got a return of Zecora's temporal memory spell (though it felt like some liberties were taken there). I was expecting more of a reaction to the fact that the dang cutie map has appeared before!

I'm not sure if this is meant to be self-contained or the beginning of a grand adventure. If it's the beginning, I'm interested (though some work needs to be done on Twilight's characterization and speech patterns). If it's self-contained... I just need a little more to get me there. As it stands, it's a good beginning to something potentially really cool.

Very nice! Beautifully written, featuring a well-voiced Luna who completely embodies the character as she's depicted on MLP. A rare example of a second-person fic which contextualizes its format well, meaning I don't want to swallow bleach at the mere prospect of reading it.

I agree with >>Cold in Gardez's assessment that Luna's narration breaks the story's format, however. At times, she feels less like a conversation partner, observing and remarking upon the... how even do you describe the addressee of second-person narration? Does "protagonist" suffice? We'll go with that. Observing and remarking upon the protagonist's actions, and more like a traditional narrator. That takes me out of the story a bit, and damages (though not irreparably) the feel you're going for.

The first story I read on my slate is also gonna sit at the top of my ballot for quite some time, I think. If nothing else, it deserves a medal for the stealthiest Star Wars joke I've read in a writeoff.

Limestone Pie making Sling Blade references makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable.

This is a flawed, but very fun, entry. It's paced well, it's got a good premise, and it makes excellent use of the "Equestrian magic" cliffhanger from Revenge of Everfree. The gem-monster is inventive, and creepy, while still being sympathetic. On the whole, this is a story which could have come right out of the EqG franchise... were it not for some of the more PG-13 elements, that is.

I'm torn, however, on Sunset's portrayal, and the way she acts toward Marble Pie. Marble's cute (as a button, thank you >>Novel_Idea), but I never got the sense that Sunset was attracted to her until the very end of the story, when the pairing came together. And her actions toward Marble, especially that kiss at the end, come across as more predatory than romantic.I read this in ePub format, on a bus yesterday, and the spot where she smooches Marble has a note reading "BAD TOUCH."

And I'm not sure if Marble's end of the ship is something to be encouraged, either. No matter how well Pinkie has brought Sunset to life in her stories, it's still a highly idealized, abstract Sunset Shimmer that Marble has fallen for. Not Sunset Shimmer, the person, with her occasional bully-impulse and whatever other idiosyncrasies she may have, but Sunset Shimmer, the character she draws comics of herself interacting with in everyday life. And I'm not sure if that's something Sunset should automatically encourage.

I think if there had been more scenes where the characters interacted, on a meaningful level, and Marble got to know the real Sunset more thoroughly, it would have made the resolution more believable and less problematic (god, that word has just been ruined forever, hasn't it? :/). Sunset stealing Marble's first kiss and then inviting her to come hang out with them, with the suggestion that they'd probably start dating afterward because she's attracted to Marble (for some reason? maybe she just likes the shy, bookish type. hmm...), feels unwarranted, however, based on what we see of their interaction.

In terms of narrative and structure, the gem monster comes and goes too quickly, the dreamscape's a little confusing (as >>Novel_Idea said), and while I understood the theory behind why the gem monster came to life, I don't understand why it acts more like Pinkie Pie if it's Marble's psyche she's drawing from. Is it an amalgam of all the Pie clan's thoughts and feelings? If so, then why isn't there any Limestone or Maud in there? Where's the Iggy and Big Mama Q side?

It's a cute read; I definitely enjoyed it, but there are flaws which, in the prelim round anyway, are going to keep it at the upper-mid tier on my slate.

Mirror Vinyl and aivatcO meet in a bar, and Vinyl invites aivatcO home to live at her place because she gave Vinyl feels.

...'s cute, actually. I dig this.

That said... the prose here never really crosses over into garish, purple territory, but it does feel pretty grape-flavored. And while most of the exposition and world-building is handled elegantly, I noticed one part that stood out as ham-handed:

“Come on, you were assigned here to inspire us to raise ourselves up to the standards of the Lunar Guard, weren’t you? Start inspiring!”

All it's missing is an "as you know."

And the decision at the end to let aivatcO stay indefinitely at Vinyl Hut feels unmotivated. Could use a little more from Vinyl's end to effectively justify it. And it would have been nice to see her open up to aivatcO, even just a little bit.

“Oh, hey, Zesty! Is this the text about the ghost in your house?”

“Yeah,” Lemon said as she took a seat at the table with her two classmates.

“So, what’s the problem?” Sunny asked as she maintained the smile.

Lemon cupped her hands around her mouth and took a deep breath. “Guys.”

“Yes?” Sugarcoat asked as she set her cup down once again.

“… there’s a ghost in my house.”

I saw this coming a mile away, and I still smiled.

This is a charming, if unremarkable, slice of life story, with an interesting bit of headcanon that gives its characters a fresh and interesting dynamic. They're all distinct, and well characterized, and they play off each other well.

But... I think Sugarcoat loses her personality at the end, and I'm not sure the story's built-in explanation is sufficient to cover why. I also don't feel like she gains anything from the experience, or learns anything, or changes in any meaningful way. At the very least, you'd expect her to lighten up on Lemon Zest without suffering cranial trauma...

I think the reaction you expected from your reader was "aaawww" but I'm afraid it didn't work for me, but let's put it aside for now.

Your prose is very solid, same for your pace. You spent a lot of words making Amethyst and Sunset interact, showing the growing feelings they develop for each other., and I'd rather see that when the main focus is the romance than shortcuts some authors use just to come to the "interesting" part.
The jokes landed well for me, I laughed more than once, so good job.

Then why wouldn't it work if all these things are that good?
Well, my main problem is that the story is too fluffy. If I resume the story, it would be Amethyst accidently hit Sunset while she comes through the portal, and in order to apologise, she accomodates her. While Sunset is resting, she and Amethyst will get together.

That's not enough for me. The whole story is too sweet, nothing big really happens. Even with the relationship, there isn't a lot of drama. It's so sweet that at some point, I thought it would go in a total different direction.
It was at this point (warning, huge quote ahead):

So… Amy.”

“Hm?”

It was the first words they’d said after two more hours of MST3K. Spot was curled up between them. The vase with the larkspur, easter lilies and the single firebird dahlia was still on the coffee table. The sparkling cider was long gone, though the remnants of the tiramisu they’d shared still lay on a single plate with two forks.

“Are you just waiting for me to ask, or what?”

Amethyst blinked her eyes a few times and refocused her attention on the girl across from her.

“What are you talking about?”

Sunset gave her a flat stare. “Come on, I’m not blind.”

“Blind to what?” Amethyst yawned and ran a hand through her violet hair. “Sorry, Sunset, it’s been a long day. I’m sort of out of it.”

“Which is why I’m asking now instead of waiting any longer.”

Amethyst sat up and stared at her. “You’re not making any sense.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Look, it’s pretty obvious what you’re doing.”

“Still not following.”

“Really?” Sunset groaned a little and started ticking off her fingers. “First, you demand I stay not only in your house, but in your bed. Granted, you knocked me cold, so I could maybe chalk that one up to guilt. But then, you’ve either made me meals or brought home food from some of the most expensive places in Canterlot… all of which happen to be from my favorite restaurants. Then you manage to pick up my sole weakness: carrot cupcakes. To top it all off, you get me a bouquet of flowers with a firebird dahlia in it!”

“Uh… but the flowers...” Amethyst must have been more tired than she thought. “I don’t get it.”

“You refuse to let me pay for a single thing and you demand I continue to stay in your house even though the aftereffects of your little beat down have been all but gone for a day and a half.”

“Uh… yeah? I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Sunset threw up her hands. “Ugh, you’re really not going to do it, are you?”

“Do what?” Amethyst cried. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

I was expecting Sunset figuring out that she didn't end in the human world but a parallel world (the title misled me), and she is calling out Amethyst as "being not real", Amethyst not being aware of that. Like if she was part of a "dream world" without knowing, having developped self-conscious. Sunset finds out she didn't end in the right world, seeing how everything is perfect.
That's as far as my mind wandered, while I was expecting drama to happen, thinking that, because the rest of the story had pretty much "no stakes", the twist would need to be huge. But I was wrong.

So overall, it is definitely a solid piece, I can't deny it. I've been engaged since the beginning, but, unfortunately, the ending left me with a too much sugary taste. Because of that, and since my main problem with the story is heavily subjective, it can't be a top contender, but I will definitely rank this as a high mid-tier.

Thank you for your work, author.

>>horizon
I just assumed her hair was doing that anime "eyes are always visible through the hair" thing. But since this piece isn't particularly anime-like in style, I don't know why I assumed that. I haven't even been watching much anime lately. :p

As noted in my review of the other photographic piece this round, the art of photography is in the technical composition (lighting, framing, angle, focus, etc), the artistic composition (color, contrast, balance, use of space and negative space), and the narrative of the photo. For the most part this succeeds. Framing the statue at the bottom of the pic and focusing primarily on the sky was a strong design choice.

However, I think you would have benefited from off-centering the statue and taking advantage of the Rule of Thirds. My other major compositional critique is that the figure being largely in shadow gives the piece something of a weighty, oppressive feel — especially with the centering of the figure; you've got this giant blank lump plopped in the bottom of your frame and that makes this feel off-balance to me. Especially since (as >>Fenton notes) the statue is looking down. I hope that was an intentional contrast to all that open sky, rather than trying to invoke a figure in flight — though the outstretched wings sort of suggest the latter.

It would have been interesting taking this from a number of different angles (…assuming you didn't have buildings/power-lines/etc marring the sky), or perhaps different times of day, to play with the figure shape and lighting. As it is I think you've got a good concept here but the execution could be a little improved.

Thank you for submitting!

That feel when you know most of what's wrong with your story and are already fixing it, but still want feedback—so you're torn over whether or not you want it to make the cut... again...

:raritydespair:

Artist, I just want to commend you for rising up to a really unique challenge. The piece has been getting some beatdowns on its aesthetics, but I don't think quite enough credit has been given to the constraints under which it was assembled. The whole "split the color table into 2^19 unique entries and use them once each" thing is kind of like if one of us authors handicapped themselves by writing a story without the letter E — it's certainly been done, and the mere act of assembling one is worthy of applause but not fanatical praise. However, that's for the constraint in general — keep in mind the context of the Writeoffs and the crazy time limit!

The site linked in the alt-text has examples of work that are, frankly, much more aesthetically pleasing — but the really mind-blowing ones are by just one or two artists, who presumably have spent a great deal of time honing their tools. Far more common are the ones that are just rainbow-esque or largely-gray designs. In short, I'm trying to judge this not against the other pieces directly but against what the chosen medium allows, as well as the state of the art in the chosen medium, and I think that results in a lot of impressiveness here which is invisible on the standard aesthetic level.

In short, artist: For what this is, I think it's being aggressively undervalued by the other voters. So take heart that this is impressive nonetheless.

I do think that the clouds should have been better defined; I don't know the extra amount of work involved. I'm assuming they were a casualty of the deadline.

(As a final note, I was vaguely disappointed that the background doesn't work as a magic-eye 3-D image, but that would have been a really big ask.)

Genre: Pie Family! :yay:

Thoughts: I love seeing some Equestria Girls Pie family up in here. Or just Pie family in general. Heck, I would settle for just Limestone all day every day. Also, fun fact, I came pretty close to writing something with a similar concept to this, right down to the same character getting a somewhat similar power. So I'm glad I didn't, cuz believe me, it's awkward when you end up writing a story that's conceptually similar to another story in the same Writeoff!

I liked this in large part. The story offers a poignant and believable take on Marble's anxiety, albeit filtered through a monster attack scenario. The moment with her comic toward the end, and the fantasy it depicts, was heart wrenching. I also appreciated the scene where she brought Sunset coffee because how couldn't I. :-p. So kudos for selling her struggles and making me care.

The single biggest thing that seemed off to me has been covered by >>Posh in great detail: I think the story loses some of its core elements of Sunset genuinely and selflessly helping Marble when the kiss happens. But, no point in belaboring that point. I think the story also could've used more detail in the dreamscape sequence, as right now it feels very rushed.

Another thing worth praising is the early banter between all the characters. It's strong and entertaining in a way that I wish had persisted once it came down to the key conversation. Another-another thing I liked was the monster and the descriptions of gemstones moving and changing on its body.

Tier: Strong

Sorry, author. I can’t review this properly now either, but I have to give you a preliminary thumbs up so you aren’t kept waiting.

Genre: ...

+++ We Interrupt This Review To Bring You A Word From Our Sponsor +++

To TC, or not to TC, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the Writeoff to suffer
Dat feeling of regret from maybe over-rating,
Or to hold back and say 'tis merely Strong,
And by keeping powder dry, to not look
Like a schmuck. For TC is a consummation
devoutly to be wished. But with Strong, well
Do I sleep and Dream. Aye, there's the rub,
for if I over-rate, what screams may come,
when others rate this fair submission...
To Posh-Pan-Pantsu-Chan, or to Horizon's,
Be all my rates compare-ed.

Thoughts: This was a delight from start to finish. I mean, Shakesdeere. Way to take your concept and ride that sucker all the way to Writeoff Valhalla, or at least the point where this metaphor loses a wheel and careens into a sidewall at top speed and we end up needing A PRACTICAL APPROACH TO THAUMIC FIRES, which I hear is a thing.

The story faces an early test where it jumps from Shakesdeere out to Pony RL, and it passes quite handily. I mention that moment because I was totally down with Ye Olde Shakesdeere stuff and could've probably enjoyed a whole story's worth of it, and the story needed to get me to be OK with stopping its Celestia-NMM-Shakesdeere goodness and make me suddenly care about a couple of OCs I'd never heard of before, and it pulled that off. Mega props, Author; despite your decision to go with ponyfic hard-mode covfefe.

I will also note that the door-closing-with-tail thing was pretty high-octane flirtatiousness for what's otherwise a basically clean fic. I am not saying it should be removed; I am merely calling this out for... ah, future reference and/or academic interest. Yes, let's go with that.

So why am I leaning more toward Strong rather than Top Contender with this mofo? Well, to be honest, the central conversation between Starmare and Slick Top feels strongly reminiscent of the CMC conversations it's structured after and which it references. This is something where I struggle to point at any one thing and say it's bad; more like, in a fic full of brilliance and overwhelmingly awesome potential, that feels like it needs to be the biggest moment, and right now I don't quite feel like it lives up to that full potential for me. Maybe it's just too reminiscent of those past conversations. Maybe I don't quite buy that Slick Top is persuaded to do the thing he talks about doing at the end. Or maybe it feels a bit anticlimactic having him end with just talking about doing the thing, even though I actually like the conversation he has there with Tail Lady.

I regret that I can't do a better job of pinpointing my sticking point, nor that I can overlook it. But this is good stuff either way and I feel it at least deserves to make finals.

Tier: Strong (may be revised upward.... time will tell)

Roll and move is, at best, a mediocre game mechanic. But that is neither here nor there.

So, like, unfortunately, I'm both a marketing copywriter AND a decently serious tabletop gamer, so this story kinda gets me both coming and going. There are some decent chuckles here, but overall there are just a lot of problems that seriously detract from my experience in potentially unique ways.

First and foremost! Marketing copy is short and punchy! Your lead-in is way too long and doesn't really sell me on the product. Why is this game worth my time, crazy alien horse people? You should be telling me that this is the critically acclaimed winner of the coveted Clestia de Jahres, featuring a unique magnetized board that guarantees your game will remain secure even as you're sucked into a black hole.

New developments aren't enough to get me on Twitter or Facebook. I should have a chance to win a limited edition version of the game, or something like that.

Now, onto the game rules. So, I've read a lot of game rulebooks, and there is something that this ruleset fails at that is absolutely critical: victory condition should be spelled out right at the beginning. The players have to have context for the rules that follow. While I can guess that the goal is to reach space 50, that won't be obvious to everyone so you need to make sure that it is understood right away. Otherwise I have no idea what these special spaces are doing for me.

If you aren't using imaginary players, I highly recommend singular "they" rather than he/she constructs. It is much more elegant and everyone who disagrees sucks.

Use a more unique starting condition! They are hella common in hobbyist games and while most people will default to just using normal randomization, stuff like pointest ears, mostly recently planted something, etc are silly and would be tonally super fitting here.

If you're interested in some pretty killer rules from a flavor perspective, check out Dungeon Petz (http://czechgames.com/files/rules/dungeon-petz-rules-en.pdf) by Vlaada Chavtil. This is actually a relatively dense and kinda complicated game, but they work in some super awesome humor and flavor in the rules.

Neat idea, but I think the execution ultimately falls a little flat for two core reasons:

1. The characterization of Neigh Digger is lacking. We're in first person perspective and he's really the only character we have, so you need to really sell me on sticking with him this whole time. Unfortunately, I really don't get much of an interesting character out of him. There's definitely potential, but I think you really need to sell it. This is the guy's journal on the expedition of a lifetime. Let's learn way more about him.

2. Mood. You approach it decently with the excavating ot the castle, but for the most part I really don't get a good sense of mood for the story. I feel like there should be a decisive, suffocating dread and facist oversight, but it really doesn't sink home. Just kinda feels like a dude with an annoying boss. Punch it up!

I'm also a little baffled by the last two slots being blank. If this is actually a case of running out of time, a small piece of advice would be don't make it so blatant that you ran out. Cut the extra and just wrap it up. An abridged end is better than nothing.

Anyhow, this is cute and the gimmick is interesting, but where I think it falters is that it spends too much time on the letters and not enough time on the ponies reading them. Reactions to the mundane can be interesting, as demonstrated by the first letter and the Mr. Cake letter. The problem is we only really get spastic, somewhat stream of consciousness views of the ponies that don't really give us much to go off of.

Basically, you need to make each section shine bright for more than just the letter. It needs to affect a change in the character reading it. So yeah, basically my big recommendation would be to provide a bit more attention to the ponies reading the letters.

And yeah, the Spike letter is -really- out of sync with the remainder of the pieces. They are a bit goofy, but they still feel at least a little pony? The Spike one is just really jarring.

I keep seeing Twilight's mouth as barbed mandibles biting Celestia's leg. As if she's an irritating little tick that latches on to her, sucking her blood, refusing to let go....

Woah, we got a story going on here. Celestia, is this how you truly feel?!

Andrew articulated some things I couldn't quite put my finger on. By and large, I had fun reading this. I like dystopian future settings almost as much as I enjoy the ancient ones. You paint a picture of a re-segregated world with some 1984 levels of political paranoia, but never really drive the fear all the way home. When Digger stumbles on the mixed village, he just sort of brushes it off as a curiosity rather than the serious crime it ought to be. Granted, he's preoccupied, but still. Short story rounds are exactly the time to flesh out that sort of thing.

I did enjoy the girls saving the world in a most unorthodox manner, however. We haven't had letters in a long while, so the callback is really great.

So, I hopped down here to comment after reading the first two paragraphs (will finish the rest momentarily) to note that this is a great way to start one of those manual-type entries. In the space of a few sentences, we establish a universal setting where Earth and Equestria are linked, most likely via technology instead of magic, and that assertion is immediately backed up by describing Mars as a "jaunt" from Earth.

Good stuff out of the gate. Now, onward.

Okay, now that Deadpool, Pinkie, and I have slogged our way through the Meta-terranean Sea after the rule set, I think the opening may have been more clever marketing ploy than world building. But, I can't be sure. Either way, I laughed all the while, though it certainly isn't a story so much as an homage to the weird stuff that goes on in chat.

10/10 for more Goldfish though.

There's something cheeky and fun about inter-Writeoff humor, whether it's giant eyeballs or alicorn stoner rituals. I suspected something familiar was afoot when Luna suddenly changed her mind about visiting with Adonasia (which is a cool name that I'd love to know the origins for).

While it was good fun, it wasn't super good fun. I feel like Celestia talking in garbled non-words was a wasted opportunity. Stereotypical stoner talk is overdone and predictable, so I appreciate the effort to avoid it, but even marginally randomized phrases might have aided the overall comedic effect. A few rounds of normal talk run through Bad Translator, maybe.

I did appreciate the shade thrown at Trickle Down Economics though. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. :-|

Echoing the above, mostly. Although it took me a minute to figure out I was reading spam mail, despite the title. That's 100% on me.

The final Spike letter does feel out of place, but I think less so for the vitriol than the fact that it doesn't read like junk mail at all. It's a straight threat; there's no scam, offer, or advertisement. If anything, it was just delivered improperly.

I'm also really unsure how it relates to the selected art at all.

>>DuskPhoenix
Joke's on everybody I didn't even have a nonexistent hat to eat if I was wrong :trollestia:

Strong stab at an adventure story, here, but issues with perspective, formatting (as >>Novel_Idea mentioned), and a strong bias toward telling over showing keep me from getting too immersed in the narrative. The perspective starts with Celestia, but bounces around and finally ends up with Luna toward the end. There are some minor plot holes as well, and coincidences that strain credulity (Luna created an army of vampire ponies, banished them, then just happened to be on the first expedition to encounter them after her return?).

I think with some judicious editing, this could be a strong, suspenseful exercise in world building. But for now it's not quite there.

I'm only a few paragraphs in, but I had to pop down to note that this line is beautiful. Also, capitalizing the last word could lead to some very interesting implications. *wink nudge* Back up we go.

They smelled of liquorice and starlight.

And we're back, and holy shit. I try to keep it clean around here, but profanity is apt for the magnificently profane. Profanely magnificent. I'm not even sure.

Throughout, everyone's voices are dead on, and Discord's entrances and exits are particularly discordant. Early on, I expected some sort of meta curveball due to the presence of a Starbucks, but that exact curve never came. Although with how tightly crafted this entire thing is, I'm almost positive I'm missing some hook or imagery the coffee house is supposed to evoke.

Twilight's dreams are terrible and beautiful, the imagery of them, combined with the ending, is still haunting now that I'm done reading it. I haven't read a whole lot of Discord stories, but if this isn't one of the best ones written I'll be shocked and probably call whoever tells me otherwise a damned liar.

I'm going to have to read this again a few times to unpack the whole thing, which is almost certainly a task beyond my education and capacity. But I'm very happy that I took a detour to come read this. Just, holy hell, what a ride.

Edit: "The lovechild of Junja Ito and Walt Disney." - Me

Well... that ended in a supremely disturbing fashion.

Now, it's quite possible that this story is just soaring right over my head, but let's hit the good stuff first. First of all, the characterization was bang-on. Nothing sells me on a story better than getting character voices right. And you did that. Character interactions were also solid, so fantastic job there.

However, a couple things overshadow these wonderful elements. First of all, the concept that simply by dreaming differently, ponies will result in physical transformations. Now, if that power had come from Discord, I could have bought it, but it was pretty expressly stated that it didn't. So the idea that ponies were transforming, ascending, or what-have-you just didn't sit right with me.

Now, I'm sure there's logic to Twilight's dream and I can see the hints of it, but I'm just going to chalk that one up to not being the best at seeing through deeply layered metaphor and give that one a pass.

More than anything though, the ending ends up as this horrific specter looming up over the entire story. I liked the concept that it wasn't archtypes that bound ponies together, but the reverse. That was a brilliant little twist. However, the idea that Twilight suddenly has the ability to petrify Discord using the power of the sun seems like a major break. Now, maybe that's simply because they've transformed into something different, but I wasn't sold on it. (Still, Starlight's line is especially good here).

But dammit, you had to end with that line. That horrible, horrible line. I'm going to be having nightmares of this for weeks.

...and looking over this comment, I realize that you could easily see this as a complete and total win for what you may have been trying to accomplish. I am truly horrified by this story, but I still think it takes too many liberties that it hasn't earned.

Phew, I'm out of practice being able to parse Shakespeare or Shakesdeere. I forgot just how hard it is to get through it, but you nailed the vibe brilliantly.

I'm really not sure what to think of this story. I loved the characters. Pomade and Garland were both brilliantly done. I admit, I loved Garland's sultry vibe and the back and forth between them. That was simply magnificent. Luna's characterization was also spot-on. The characters really drove the story for this. However... I can't help but feel a little let down by the ending. What bugs me is I can't put my finger on why.

It could very easily be that I only got five hours of sleep and tried to read this first thing in the morning. Just... a pony with the amount of pride (come on, he's basically being a jackass--literally, nice touch, by the way--to the freaking Princess of the Night) being able to be convinced of anything from one dream sequences seems a bit of a stretch. Or maybe this story just needs a longer denouement. I'm realizing just how short that is and it could use a bit more conversation between the two, especially considering how much Luna and Pomade got into it.

And maybe I just want to see a bit more shipping because of all the shipping entries in this story, even if it's shipping two OCs and I'm a hopeless romantic. :P

Whoa, just... whoa. First thing first, let's grab you and take you up to my slate. Here, done.

Now, let's try to see why this is so good. It starts like a Slice of Life story, with Discord messing with Twilight, but it slowly comes to a more darker tone. And that last line, that fucking amazing and brilliant last line:

We spent hours together, reminiscing about our friends, while I sewed my eyelids shut.

This is how you end a story, folks. It felt like a punch in the guts, so depressing to see Twilight resigning herself to her "condition", leading her to do such an horrible thing.

As for the rest of the story, >>Rao has pretty much said everything. The characters' voices are top notch and the pace is great too. Even with many characters and many different places, you didn't lose the focus of the story. Sure, first person narration helps but Twilight and the dreams are the focus, and we never lost it.

Just like >>Rao, I'll need to reread this if I want to grasp a coherent interpretation, but since the story is great, that definitely won't be a problem.
Thank you very much for this story. Even if it ends on a dark, sad and depressing note, you made my day.

This picture deserved so much better than it got.

So I totally screwed up and set this to Anonymous instead of me.

>>Fenton
Yeah, I'm terrible with a pen. All of these assets were pre-created. I did the coloring, effects and stylization. While the sun was created using a generator, it was one of those generators with way too many options, so that one did take way too much work to get right! Thank you!

>>GroaningGreyAgony
I ended up using some pre-rendered gemstones on a white background I had to remove. Since I couldn't find a vector that I liked, it ended up far more jagged than I realized. So yeah, definite disconnect.

>>Super_Trampoline
I'd love to hear it, more just to laugh my tail off at whatever she said.

>>The_Letter_J
Secret: that stream is actually a recolored MLP dead tree vector. Heh. The concept I was trying to originally go with was the sun first flowing into the top crystals and then into the bottom. Didn't quite work the way I wanted it to.

>>Rao
I'm glad someone noticed! It ended up being more subtle than I wanted it to, but I was trying to amplify the crystallization concept.
Also, I love that you put extra meaning to the "sixth." And the "extra love."

It's almost like I knew what I was doing!

(I didn't. No clue.)

But hey, I inspired some really cool stories, so I'll take that as a win!

I honestly didn't think this piece would get first place. I'm perplexed, but grateful for anyone who liked it.

>>DuskPhoenix
I’m flattered that you like it. As >>Haze said, this was a digital piece, but I do appreciate that it looks good enough to look like a traditional piece. It would kind of make sense since most artist could work on both since it translates either way. I kind of figured that I would go for black and white pencil type of style for this piece.
And thank you for enjoying my art!

>>Fenton
This piece was actually inspired by one of my favorite artist, Finchwing, but I doubt my art could hold a candle to what she could do. I just happened to remember it during the Drawing portion that I wanted to enter something like that while adding my own flare to it. (The pony isn't a specific character, so I let that be open ended. One of the reasons why this is in a sort of black, gray, white sort of format.)

>>GroaningGreyAgony
Looking back at it, I agree with you. I guess I didn't notice the contrasts when I saturated the whole piece. But thank you for your review overall!

>>Super_Trampoline
I suppose so, though I don't think I’ve heard of it.

>>Dubs_Rewatcher
It's fine. I’m not offended or anything, and I wouldn’t think I could mimic the type of emotion that originally inspired this piece. Thanks for your honest opinion regardless.

>>The_Letter_J
Liked I said earlier, I didn't notice there wasn't enough contrast when I saturated the whole piece. I think it's something to keep in mind the next time I create a piece. And yes, I was going for the pony’s identity to be unspecific.

this took like 1 or 2 minutes to put on paper.

but before that

spent about 30 minutes trying to figure out a decent composition for the idea. had some versions that looked like the arc of a clock, but left too much blank space on the paper. I didn't want to be too explicit or distracting by putting in words or pictures or designs. so I went with the accidental ink pad smudge which at least looked rainbow-ish. it's cheap and meaningless, but this was a risky experimental piece to begin with.

but before that

it took 3 hours to carve the stamps. now I can use them for whatever. I wanted to make Twilight's hair highlights more subtle but it was too difficult at that small size, so I cleared them out to be white space.

since Horizon said this whole prompt was inspired by Twilestia, I wanted to do at least one piece about that. and the idea for showing a contrast like this came to me while thinking about how to incorporate my stamp-carving into a piece. without it telling an interesting story, it'd be nothing more than a gimmick, "hey look what I can do!" and would be glossed over for its simplicity.

regardless of what the showrunners claim about Twilight being immortal or not, I thought this could be interpreted in many more ways than just her death. the loss of a memory, or romantic love, something changes in their relationship here. and it could be written from either point of view, or perhaps a 3rd party...

Would it have been better swapped around? Twilight stays while Celestia fades away?
It might have subverted the cliche, but I think it would've carried less meaning. Celestia is a character who doesn't change, and having her fade away seems to only suggest the death of a goddess and little else. I still considered it, but I had to pick one or the other, not both.

anyway, I expected it'd be too minimalistic to really impress anyone, but I think trying to tell a complete story ironically hurt this the most. No reason to write a story based on this when it's already complete, right? Others can learn from my mistake here.

>>Haze
It never even occurred to me that you might have made the stamps yourself. Knowing that definitely makes this more impressive to me.

Time spent: 5 hours, not including planning sketches.

I'm surprised this got 3rd. People sounded kinda lukewarm about it.
Fluttershy: "It's.... nice."

The basic idea of "under the sun" here is Celestia discovering a smaller, fragile, light-bearing creature. Even though 99% of the fandom would associate fireflies with Luna instead, I DON'T CARE because that's the obvious cliche idea, and I think the connection fits Celestia better. it's not like she's prohibited from everything night-related simply because her sister exists. right?

but it's a magic firefly that bends reality for some reason! or at least Celestia's perception of reality! I won't explain it, I want others to figure out a story for it on their own. It's just the type of imagery that appeals to me, and it's the picture I would like to write about.

>>Rao caught on that this was young Celestia, yay. I wondered if I should've exaggerated the facial proportions even more to make that obvious. But I didn't want it to be excessively chibi.

even while using a ripple pattern, it didn't even occur to me that it might appear like a literal reflection in the water. ouch. the romantic subjectivity of impressionism kinda gets lost when people mistake it for a photorealistic depiction of a visual filter. ah well.

>>horizon
it's just a coincidence. firefly shells use those colors!
okay fine, now I can't unsee Deadpool-bug. picture's been ruined forever :(

I was so ready to declare this one of the greatest Writeoff fics I've ever read. There's a few tiny typos and errors, but nothing major. The story is engaging. The prose and narrative voice are both beautiful. For the first time in a long while, I stopped what I was doing just so I could read a ponyfic.

Then the ending came. And now I don't know what to feel.

If I'm reading this correctly, this is an AU where Celestia was locked away for 1000 years, not Luna. Unless I'm totally misunderstanding the ending. That is Princess Luna who sent the letter back, right? If I'm correct, then I think that's a really disappointing ending and that it weakens the piece.

Also: cut out the last two paragraphs. They're superfluous, a bit melodramatic, and your third-to-last paragraph is a much more powerful ending.

(also thanks for using my picture by the way!)

Spoilsport review incoming. Before we get there though, lemme say the story is technically fine and will likely get some laughs out of people who are not me.

Anyhow, again, I think I can narrow things down to two core issues.

1. The plot arc is basically non-existent. You can basically cut the entirety of the first scene without losing anything. The first half of the next scene is entirely consequnceless antics. Once Twilight arrives we start telling a story, but even that we don't seem to complete since nothing is actually resolved.

This is, essentially, just a really long scene of Celestial acting like a horse with no real payoff beyond that. Which kinda segues into my next problem:

2. The story is way too understated. Characters are behaving like rational actors for the most part, which is a problem because it ends up distracting from the humor. Like, why even allow Celestial out instead of just telling people she is ill/busy?

The meetings she has are so mundane and the hoarseness has so little impact that I end up treating this as more a normal fic than a raw comedy, which its to its detriment. If you want absurd contrasted against normal, you really have to contrast them. If you want actual absurd, you need to be absurd. Horse Celestia negotiates a peace treaty with Saddle Arabia!

Basically, you really need to tighten the focus of this one and decide what story are you telling. Is this about horse antics? Is this about Twilight solving a stupid mystery? The doom of Equestria? Decide and make sure your story wraps around that!

Time: about an hour.

I spent most of my time working on the others, and had to do something relatively fast and economical in the 2 hours before the deadline. Better to have more art-prompts to choose from than fewer.... I hope? I did this quickly so I could allocate the final hour on a fourth picture -- half of it turned out amazing, but the other half wasn't working out, so I didn't consider it good enough.

(I also had a fifth idea, where I would draw Celestia's sun cutie mark on a small post-it note, stick it over a pony doll's cutie mark, and take a photo. WHAT'S UNDER THE SUN? I was so sure someone else had already come up with that idea. and I was a perfectionist about getting the doll's hair looking nice that I didn't get around to it. I should've done it anyway)

ok back to this one. pen sketch on moleskine notebook paper. used a marker for the highlighted card, but I could've picked a better color. I dunno, it was a hasty last-minute addition to emphasize the obvious pun here (for those who still haven't figured it out, card XIX is The Sun). It's almost cheating since I didn't have to draw a character, just a hoof. everyone's right that it could've been better quality, given enough time, but I didn't have that. so I made it as good as a simple pen-sketch could look.

>>Fenton

Since interpreting tarot cards varies according to people and situations, you've played a pretty smart trick here.

it's a cop-out for sure. I didn't even show the card underneath, so writers could pick literally any card they wanted and turn it into a story! Me, I think it's a "Bank error in your favor" card from Monopoly.

>>Super_Trampoline

Off-topic: if you get her eyes and drunk at a convention he'll do drunk terret reading's

Hrmm, I'll have to find some fresh eyeballs then. help me out, Posh.

>>horizon
I noticed you already guessed/knew this was mine. I'll see you at Bronycon for the reading!

Full disclosure: horizon gave me a tarot reading last year, and it made quite an impression on me. I drew this knowing he'd appreciate it, even if nobody else liked it.

or even taking a finger to your paper to do by-hand pencil-smudge shading — does everybody draw in pen now? :P

heh. this is like being told to add more said-isms to a story, or to begin by describing the weather. finger-smudging is one of those newbie mistakes one is taught early not to do.

So, first story on my slate and I'll admit that I quite enjoyed this one, even if I'm not much for romance fics. The characters were all nicely fleshed out and its a nice dive into anxiety and the problems with living vicariously. My biggest problem, however, was the romance itself.

Now that second one is probably the most controversial bit but I think its fair. Its an open question as to why this story is a romance fic rather than a story of unrequited love. I can fully understand Marble's pining for a larger than life hero to come and sweep her away, the problem is that Marble really don't come across as Sunset's 'type'. I realise that arguing over whether fictional characters have a preference in partners is a recipe for disaster, or at least a flame war, but this was my biggest break in SoD. We are told that Sunset finds Marble attractive, but there really doesn't seem to be much reason behind it even in Sunset's own head. For someone who canonically is both straight and into athletes its a jump and one that the story didn't bridge for me.

Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.

Anyway, I thought the monster had build-up and I liked the idea of a [sp]spirit of the land responding to the distress of the residents[/sp]. I found it very weird that there didn't seem to be any pay-off to the blade, mostly because it got so much screen-time (and even a name), but I did read this on my phone so I might have missed that. I think if a rework happens the biggest thing to focus on is Sunset's relationship with Marble and either switching away from a reciprocated relationship or allowing for a slower build up to an actual kiss.

I thought I was in for poetry hour at first, which would have been delightful enough, but ah! 'Twas Shakesdeere all along. Canon accepted.

There's are plenty of stories about Luna accepting and reconciling with her past, and her first proper episode dealt with changing local opinion of her, but I can't say I've ever seen a story address altering her image in the zeitgeist at large. Bravo for originality, and a great connection to the chosen art piece. Her suggestions to Pom are barely even that, relying on subtly guiding him rather than hitting him on over the head with what she wants, despite actually hitting him over the head.

Also, like Coffee mentioned, your original character work is compelling, especially for the space they occupy. Double good work.

Thanks to everyone for your comments. I pretty much scribbled this on a sudden whim. I didn't expect the drawing to inspire any stories, cliche as it is, and indeed it did not. No regrets though!

And yeah, I gotta learn to draw scenery ;/

>>Super_Trampoline
Thank-you!

>>Dubs_Rewatcher
With this piece, I wanted to think of something fitting considering that this was something that should be properly named. I definitely contemplated a lot, but I was satisfied in the end.

>>The_Letter_J
Phfffff, definitely never such a thing as too much glitter. And the edges are indeed part of a cloak.

>>DuskPhoenix
Yeah, when I first thought I finished this it was lovely and all that, but I thought it was missing something. After staring at it for like half an hour later, I came to the conclusion that the eyes needed to be more striking. I mean, to me, the Princess of the Night's eyes should look ethereal like her mane, but somewhat more powerful, I think. Like the reflection of her soul.

>>Rao
Your review actually made me blush, a lot. Thank you! I haven't been using my abilities to their full capabilities lately since I was so busy this year that I didn't have time to make art. Than I felt like my skills were rusty for weeks when I finally had the time. It didn't help that I felt that my art seemed to look wrong to me lately.

Besides that, I wanted to make something that conveys a sense of story that makes people wonder what was happening and if there’s a story to it. I think inspiration finally hit along the line, and this was the result. I was really excited when I posted this to see other people's reactions. But then became anxious and wondered if I went overboard, if it was too much. Funny that I became a nervous wreck afterwards when no one said anything about this piece for a couple of days.

Also I’m honestly horrible at coming up with names, but for this one I was set on finding the most fitting name as possible no matter how bad my naming skills were. ’Something Unforeseen’ was really a filler name at first. I looked at a Thesaurus for ideas then it turned into random search for inspirational quotes online. I even went as far as to ask my younger brother at some point. Nothing came to mind. ’Something Unforeseen’ just stuck after that when I realized it already was a fitting title.

And my personal favorite part of any art piece that I ever done is the mane/hair. I don't know why, but I find it's the most enjoyable part to do. It's additionally therapeutic to me for some weird reason.

I struggled with this one. Mostly with the narration which I see was what >>Novel_Idea called out as great but I found it extremely confusing, so confusing I'd be hard pressed to tell you what actually happened.

The narration is just so rambling and choppy that I never really followed what was going on. There's a desperate need for names in this story. I didn't even realise who the School-teacher was until writing this review (in hindsight its obvious but I thought she was Sunset for a long while) and really there's no reason why not to just spell it out. I didn't twig who was murdered until the comments section either, and I couldn't even begin to tell you why he was murdered or what happened to Troubleshoes.

That's probably not very helpful, sorry author, but this one lost me badly.

annoying dramatic discussion time:

I felt so discouraged this round by the negativity that I decided I didn't want to do any future art rounds ever again. (maybe. we'll see)

I don't at all refer to those who said they didn't want multiple art rounds in a row, and wanted to go back to the regular rounds. I think they're justified in speaking up, and I even agree with them (back in previous rounds I argued that we shouldn't do too many of these, despite liking them myself). Roger made a mistake with the scheduling, and they're addressing him with these complaints.

But others seemed like they were taking out their frustrations on the art participants instead. It's all low quality scribbles, it's too restrictive, the art is repetitive, the art isn't cohesive, artists get too much time(?). I think some of these are mutually exclusive; I'd rather have 30 different pictures from amateurs, than only 3 professionally-drawn masterpieces to choose from. To me they're just prompts and nothing more; the more ideas the better! All I get out of this contest is that nice feeling when my drawing inspired someone to write. But I can't even be sure about that, since people say they'd rather ignore the art while writing (and some say they already do that). If it's actually restrictive instead of inspiring, I dunno, making these feels like a waste of time.

I'm not sure what people as a whole want. I almost didn't want to post this at all. I get that people are honestly expressing their feelings on the art rounds, but I figured I should be honest too instead of bottling it up.

>>DuskPhoenix
Well, I made this piece specifically for this WriteOff competition, so I don't see why not. Plus, I actually feel flattered that anyone would consider using my art as coverart at all. But I suggest to use the one I posted on DeviantArt since that would be a better image quality. Here's the link to it.

>>GroaningGreyAgony
Thank you, and probably...

>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>The_Letter_J
Both your comments are similar so I’ll do this in one reply:
I honestly wasn’t think of that piece when I made this, but considering I’m the artist of that other one as well, I think that's why. Art style wise, I didn't use the smoky thing this time around or anything fancy. For this, I was aiming for an old parchment type of look appropriate for a soldier's journal type of thing. And I was kind of lazy with this piece too compared to the others. However, I have a sort of interest with soldier type of stories so I did another one.

>>Rao
I was aiming for most of what you listed, so I’m glad I captured them. :twilightsmile:

I am honestly quite surprised with how well-received this was. I mean, it didn't actually do that well in the end, but the competition was stiff, and I at least got some nice comments. And if it weren't for the people who thought that this was the absolute worst thing in the competition, I wouldn't have finally gotten the much-coveted "Most Controversial" award. So everything worked out in the end.

As you might have imagined, this picture began many months ago when I came across a bottle like the one in the picture. I immediately observed that the "Sunset Amethyst" sounded like a pony name. This thought was reinforced when I continued to see that bottle in the shower over the next few months. When these art rounds started, I knew that I had to find a way to submit a picture of the bottle to one of them. Luckily, it didn't take long for a prompt I could work with to come up.

I'm glad I was able to make this idea work, and that it prompted some stories. The three stories that came from this are the only ones I've read so far (and likely the only ones I will read), and I'm glad that I'll finally be able to comment on them without the risk of breaking anonymity (or at least raising the suspicions of anyone paying attention).

>>horizon

the art here is kind of at right angles to the average submission. But I can say unambiguously that this was worth a grin. It certainly works on a storytelling and humor level, with its commentary on the naming conventions of the show's Twilight-analogues, and its composition tells the story at a glance.

You always say the nicest things. :D

I suppose I would have appreciated seeing, like, some sort of printout (or scribble) of Canterlot castle as a background rather than the ... fabric?

Yeah, that's a blanket that I hung up when I realized that the wall wasn't going to make a decent background. It was the best thing I had available, and I thought it worked well enough. I did think it would have been nice to put one of those castle playset things in the background, but I don't have any.

>>Haze
I was one of the people who wasn't enamored with having art again so soon, and I'm glad you spoke up. I also kind of feel like a butt now, because I don't want the artists to come away feeling discouraged. Something you said is, IMO, key:

I'd rather have 30 different pictures from amateurs, than only 3 professionally-drawn masterpieces to choose from.

THIS. I give great credit to Horizon for offering actual legit constructive criticism and detailed analysis of the various pieces. And IMO we would be best served by welcoming amateur submissions, rather than expecting perfection. Art is the cherry on top around here, not the primary focus.

So for everyone who created art, thank you.

(Note that I didn't vote on any of the art the pieces because I have no bloody clue how to meaningfully rank art other than according to whether I liked them.)

>>CoffeeMinion

(Note that I didn't vote on any of the art the pieces because I have no bloody clue how to meaningfully rank art other than according to whether I liked them.)

And what, exactly, is the problem with that strategy?
And how are you ranking the stories, if not by how much you like them?

Not knowing what to say about the art or how to give helpful comments is one thing. I can understand that completely. But if you're able to form enough of an opinion to say "I like that one," then you can vote on them.

Yes, you might not know enough to understand or appreciate how much work went into a piece. But guess what? That happens in the writing rounds too. It's happened to me with writing and art. And yeah, it kinda sucks when people don't properly appreciate your work, but that comes with the territory. It's something that we all just have to accept. And if anything, it's easier to understand intentions and effort in the art rounds, because the artists have the option to add a caption to explain themselves.

You might not be a professional art critic, but we're not professional artists. Most of us also aren't professional authors or editors. We don't let that stop us, do we?

>>billymorph

Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.

Equestria!Pinkie says that Marble's just a few minutes younger than she is. Assuming that holds true for the EqG world (which is questionable, since Apple Bloom is only a few years younger than Applejack, despite their pony counterparts being at least a decade apart), then they're probably twins, which would put Marble in Sunset's age range.

>>The_Letter_J
Actually, while I fear that sometimes my reviews end up being rife with misfired attempts at humor and flagrant misappropriation of Horizon's rating tier concept, I do try to be thoughtful in my analysis and rating of the relative strengths of the various stories (but without going to the depth of formality of TAILS and/or other systems some people use, for my own sanity's sake). And I'm aware that's a high standard to aspire to when there's such a variety of genres, characters, situations, and (frankly) author skill levels that come into play in any given Writeoff. But I've rated past stories highly that I haven't necessarily "liked" if I can recognize underlying merit in the composition, and by the same token I don't necessarily put things to the top just because they feature Limestone characters and situations that I prefer. One recurring example is with shipping (or romance in general)... there are really only certain kinds that I'm predisposed to liking, but I figure it's neither accurate nor helpful for me to say a story isn't "good" simply on the basis of my not being into the kind of shipping it's going for. With that said, sometimes I struggle to maintain that objectivity (perhaps due to subject matter), or sometimes I come away sufficiently baffled by a work as to be unable to form a coherent opinion, and that's when I reach for the Abstain button.

Some of the questions I ask are:
Does the story tell a complete story? (This tends to be more of an issue in minific rounds but it's something I watch for in all of them.)
Does the story sell me on its central conceit? (Or does it reasonably seem like it would if I wasn't otherwise predisposed not to accept said conceit?)
Are any spelling/grammar missteps on the whole distracting, or are they few and basically forgivable?
Do the characters feel vibrant, well-represented, and fully-fleshed?
(And yes, sometimes I do look for that nebulous "X" factor that sets stories apart from the rest. I try to be mindful if I think a given story is doing that for me just because of Limestone my preferred characters and situations, but I also don't try to fight it too hard if a story successfully sucks me in and delivers an experience that seems to defy what I can ascertain from the sum of its parts, though I do try to think on why it's doing that.)



...and the point of typing all that crap is not to assert coolness, but to make the point that I can't bring anything like that level of depth to my appreciation or analysis of art. (And also to try to take stock of how I rate things and to invite feedback on my feedback, which is rarer even than feedback itself.) I do feel encouraged by the invitation to vote based on whether or not I like a given piece of art, but I still feel like that's materially different than being able to point at established (or even hand-wavy) literary reasons why a story could reasonably be viewed as good or not.