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A Gem Beneath
“Wheeeeeee!” Pinkie Pie shrieked as Sunset rounded a tight corner on her bike.
Sunset grinned. Pinkie Pie’s exuberance never failed to put a smile on her face. Although the painful death grip around Sunset’s waist at least showcased some level of self preservation instinct. She eased up on the throttle, and the bike hummed its low purr. The roads here were getting rocky and uneven, so breakneck speeds were no longer an option.
With every curve and dip Sunset’s mental map of the area became fuzzier, and she wished for her own sake that she’d spent a little bit longer studying the directions on her phone. Of course, Pinkie Pie knew the way by heart.
“Ooh, take a left up by that rock! The one that kind of looks like a horse, but with its mane halfway shaved off, and with an expression like he’s super glad that the work week is over but still overcome with a general depression because he knows he only gets two days of respite before he has to saddle up and do it all over again!”
A part of Sunset wanted to stop and see if Pinkie’s description was true, but she just rolled her eyes and turned the bike onto the next road.
Soon enough, they passed under a low stone arch, and a small farmhouse perched on top of a cliff came into view. Barren and rocky pretty much summed up any description of the place Sunset could think of. It certainly lacked the life and warmth of the Apple Family homestead.
None of that seemed to slow down Pinkie Pie in the slightest. As the bike slowed to a stop, Pinkie Pie hopped off, and started doing cartwheels. “We’re here, we’re here!” After a few laps around the bike, she righted herself, then gestured grandly. “Sunset Shimmer, welcome to my home! Well, my home home, but not my home. Because, you know, I live with Maud while she’s going to college! But the place where I grew up. Maybe I should just call it the Pie Family Rock Farm?”
Sunset chuckled, then parked and turned off her motorcycle. She pulled her helmet off, and the chilly autumn breeze was a welcome relief to the sweat on her brow. “Hey, did you get anything else about why we’re coming here? It’d be nice not to walk into this completely blind, you know.”
Pinkie Pie pursed her lips, then dug her phone out of her overalls. “Hmm, let's see… nope! Just the first message from my dad. Pinkamina Diane Pie, please come to the rock farm as soon as thou art able. Something is wrong. And bring thy magic horse friend.”
“Well, guess we’ll find out soon enough.” Sunset started walking towards the house. She could see someone sitting on the porch. “So, you grew up here, huh? No offense, but it doesn’t really seem like your style.”
“Hmm, doesn’t it? Well, I guess you’re right.” Pinkie Pie followed after Sunset, her hands clasped behind her back. “Going to Canterlot High I get to be a lot more… Pinkie, you know?”
Sunset nodded. As she got closer to the house, she could see that the figure on the porch was a young girl, about her own age.
She glared at the both of them as they approached, and ran a whetstone down a wide bit of metal.
“Hi sis!” Pinkie Pie called out, gesticulating wildly. “This is one of my best friends in the whole wide world, Sunset Shimmer! Sunset, this is my big sister, Limestone Pie! She's kind of in charge of everything around here.”
Limestone grunted, then raised her bit of metal to point it at Sunset. It appeared to be a lawnmower blade with leather straps wrapped around the tapered handle. “So you're the magic horse Pinkamena’s told us all so much about. Here to turn into a giant rainbow and save us all with the power of love?”
Sunset raised an eyebrow. Talk about a grumpy reception. None of the other girls knew much about the Pie family, and Pinkie only had glowing praise for her folks. She peered a little closer at Limestone, and saw that she had dark bags under her eyes, and a thermos of coffee next to her chair. Well, Sunset could handle a little rudeness.
“I don't know.” Sunset climbed the steps to the porch, and leaned against the railing. “I've developed a bit of a reputation for being a problem solver, especially when it comes to magic. But it's pretty unpredictable, and I don't know what we're dealing with here. All I can promise is that I'll do my best.” After a brief pause, Sunset put on her best smile and extended her hand. “Still, it's nice to meet you. You look like you've been working really hard for the sake of your family already. I might need your help, so I hope we can work together.”
Limestone stared at Sunset for a long time. A stiff breeze carried a few bits of loose gravel skipping across the porch. Finally, the corners of her mouth twitched in the slightest approximation of a smile. Then she scoffed, looked away, and grabbed Sunset's hand and shook it quickly. “Alright, fine. You'd better be as awesome as my sister says you are.” She looked up at the window and shouted, “Father! Pinkamena is here with her friend!”
Heavy steps sounded from inside the farmhouse and the door swung open to reveal a tall, grim looking man in a wide brimmed hat. He had dark circles under his eyes to match Limestone’s, and he nodded once at Pinkie. “Pinkamena. It is good to see you again. Thou art most kind in thy haste.”
Pinkie Pie stood up straight and saluted. “Sure thing, pops! Anyone messing with the Pie Farm is messing with me!” She put up her fists, and made a few jabs at the air. “Where are they? Let me at ‘em!”
Pappa Pie’s face remained stern, though a twinkle in his eyes suggested amusement at his daughter's antics. He cleared his throat, then turned to Sunset and bowed low. “Thou must be Sunset Shimmer. I must humbly ask for thy assistance in this grave matter.”
Sunset rubbed at the back of her head, then returned a stiff bow of her own. “I'll do whatever I can to help. Though if you could tell me what exactly what's going on, I'll be able to start on a plan.”
“Of course.” Pappa Pie ran a hand down his impressive sideburns, then stepped back. “Thou must be tired from your journey. Come inside, we shall make you tea.”
“Ooh, I want to help!” Pinkie Pie jumped up, her hands in the air. “Mom’s tea is the best!” With barely a second's pause, Pinkie vanished into the open door, her footsteps thundering through the rickety house.
Pappa Pie mumbled a quick, “Make thyself at home,” before following after his daughter.
Sunset sighed, then stretched, her bones popping audibly. It had been a long drive. And things weren't apparently that urgent. She turned to Limestone, who still sat with her makeshift weapon across her knees. “Hey. Where's the bathroom here?”
A devilish smirk crossed Limestone’s face. She pointed with her blade to the cliff. “Just go off the edge.”
“Wow.” Sunset whistled appreciatively. “And you don't even have railings to hold onto. You must all have an amazing sense of balance.”
Limestone barked a short laugh. “Upstairs, second door on the left.”
Sunset flashed her teeth. “Thanks.” She made her way through the open door and shut it behind her. The interior of the house was sparsely decorated, but it still had a sense of being lived in. The directions proved accurate.
Once Sunset finished her business, she stepped back into the hallway, shaking her hands dry. A flutter of movement caught her attention, and she saw a scrap of a dark dress vanish around the corner.
Wasn't there supposed to be a third Pie sister?
Sunset smirked, then casually made her down the hall, acting as if she hadn't noticed anything. When she passed by the intersecting hallway, she kept going halfway, then suddenly spun to the left, leaning over the girl who pressed into the shadows. “Hi.”
The girl, who could only be Marble Pie, let out a high pitched, “Eep!” Her eyes grew as wide as dinner plates as she stared into Sunset's, and a deep blush slowly crept up her cheeks.
Something about a reaction so timid excited the sleeping bully in Sunset. Thinking about it in such terms was pretty disgusting, but she didn't have any malicious intent. She just had a sudden urge to tease the poor girl a little bit.
“It's nice to meet you. I'm Sunset Shimmer.” Sunset leaned in a but closer, smiled, and extended her hand. “You're Marble Pie, right? Pinkie Pie has told me a bit about you. She says you're the cute twin.”
Marble Pie trembled, but gave the slightest of nods, and slowly raised a shaking hand to lightly grip Sunset's with clammy fingers. “H-hi,” she whispered.
Sunset grinned, squeezed back, then pulled away to give her some space. “She tells me you're quiet and shy, too. Don't worry about it. I've got a friend back in Canterlot that's also pretty timid. If you want me to leave you alone, I will. Just thought I'd say hi.”
“Mmm.” Marble stared past her for a few seconds, then blinked, and looked away. She took a deep breath, and with the faintest of whispers mumbled, “It's fine.” Her blush practically shone on her cheeks, enough of a luminescent red to heat up a herpetarium.
Sunset opened her mouth to offer another quip, but a shriek from downstairs cut her off.
“Sunset! Tea is ready!”
“I hear it's good.” Sunset nodded towards the stairs, then winked. “See you around.”
Sunset made her way down the stairs. Marble Pie didn’t follow.
The kitchen didn’t take long to find, and Sunset walked in on Pinkie Pie and her father sitting at the table. And older woman, presumably Pinkie’s mother, fussed over the stove. Sunset sat down at Pinkie Pie’s insistence, and sipped at the tea that was waiting for her. “Wow, this is good. Thanks.”
Pappa Pie stared into his own teacup, his expression distant. “It all started three nights ago.”
Sunset frowned, set her teacup down, and folded her hands on the table, waiting patiently.
“I was awoken by a terrible sound from outside. Like a scream, but…” He sighed, and suddenly looked a lot older than he had earlier. He rubbed his wrinkled hands together. “If it was just me, I would assume that some sort of madness had overtaken me. But every member of our family can confirm the presence of… this devil that haunts us.”
“A scream, you said?” Sunset asked, leaning forward.
“Almost human, but not,” Limestone said. She leaned against the kitchen doorway, light from behind framing her in shadow. “Something powerful, terrible. Gets into your bones. And it keeps up, maybe for an hour, maybe two.”
“And that is not all.” Pappa Pie took a sip of his tea, and sighed. “There is something out there, creeping about. A figure in the shape of a man. It sticks to the shadows, but when the moonlight hits it, it glimmers like a fresh cut gemstone. So far, it has kept a considerable distance. But each night, it seems to be coming a little bit closer.”
Sunset licked her lips, and glanced at Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie shrugged, her expression serious. “Do you think we should call the girls?”
“I’m not sure how many of them would be able to make it on short notice.” Sunset glanced out the window. Not many hours of daylight left. “It hasn’t hurt anyone, or destroyed any property?”
Limestone grunted. “I’ve been staying up every night, taking shifts with Father.” She hefted her makeshift blade, her eyes glittering like obsidian. “If it was going to try anything, either I or it would be dead.”
Pappa Pie shook his head. “It has not caused any overt destruction that we have noticed. But Limestone and I cannot work in the mines while also guarding the house.”
“I see.” Sunset drummed her fingers on the kitchen table, and rested her chin on her other hand. “In that case, let’s just observe this phenomena tonight. We’ll message the girls, tell them to keep their schedules open, in case whatever it is needs a good rainbow to the face tomorrow.”
“Okey-dokey!” Pinkie Pie whipped out her phone, her fingers already tapping out messages at lightning speed.
Sunset glanced between Limestone and her father, and then nodded. “Right. Pinkie and I will take over your shifts for tonight. I’ll take the first. You two get some rest. You look like you need it.”
Pappa Pie bowed his head. “I am but a simple man, Miss Shimmer. All I desire in life is to work my farm and to take care of my family. There is little I can offer you for your assistance, other than my eternal gratitude.”
Limestone pursed her lips, then thrust out her weapon towards Sunset, handle first. “I guess I can lend you this. His name is Kaiser. And you’d better bring him back in one piece.”
Sunset accepted the blade, closing her fingers around the leather handle. The weapon itself was light, but the weight of the responsibility it represented threatened to drag her down. Sunset looked up, and met everyone's eyes in turn. “I won’t let you down.”
Dinner with the Pie family was both a somber and a rather bland affair, consisting of a weakly flavored soup and some bread. Though Sunset had a sneaking suspicion it would have been so even if there wasn’t a spooky monster harassing them.
Marble Pie had come down for dinner, said nothing, and continuously tried to sneak glances at Sunset whenever she thought Sunset wasn’t paying attention. Once her meal was finished, however, she had immediately fled to her room.
Maybe Sunset shouldn’t have teased the girl earlier. Oh well. The muted evening led to a rather ominous sense of dread building in Sunset’s gut.
One that was rather quickly dispelled once the stakeout actually began.
Sunset sat on a rocking chair on the front porch, Kaiser draped across her knees. It was damn chilly this night, and she was starting to wish she’d brought a thicker jacket. It had been two hours already. The rest of the pie family slumbered behind her, and the evening was otherwise monster free. The moon shone bright in the sky, illuminating the barren and rocky cliffs and valleys that surrounded this tiny little farmhouse.
All in all, she was bored.
With a sigh. Sunset gingerly ran her finger along the edge of the blade. Limestone apparently took good care of it, for some reason. A thought occurred to her, and Sunset blinked, looking around. There wasn’t a blade of grass for miles.
“Why are you even here?” Sunset hissed. She glared at the weapon, as if she could will it to give up its secrets. Was it found in a trash pile? Maybe Limestone had borrowed it from a neighbor that did have a lawn. Maybe Limestone specifically went to the hardware store to buy a lawnmower blade to use as a weapon, rather than anything more practical, like a machete.
The creaking of boards interrupted Sunset’s pointless reverie, and she tensed up, hefting the blade. The sound continued, and Sunset relaxed. It was just someone moving around in the house. Someone still awake, maybe going to the bathroom.
The footsteps from inside came closer, and then the front door swung open, just a few inches. Nobody came out, however, and Sunset looked over just in time to see dark bangs ducking out of sight.
Sunset chuckled, and smiled. “You can come out if you want. I could use the company. I promise I won’t bite.” She paused for a second, then grinned wickedly. “Unless you want me to.”
Marble let out a barely audible squeak, and the door swung closed.
Well crap. Sunset rubbed at the bridge of her nose, and sighed. She rolled her shoulders, and was about to stand up and try to apologize when the door handle turned again.
Marble Pie stepped out. Her eyes flickered between Sunset and the ground several times, her face lit up like a fire hydrant. She held a thermos in one hand, and a folded up blanket in another. She stood there, fidgeting for a few moments before taking a step closer and thrusting them towards Sunset.
“Thanks a bunch. I was just starting to think how much I could use something like this.” Sunset draped the blanket over her shoulders, then twisted off the lid of the thermos. The scent of fresh coffee filled her nose, steam rising up in the chilly air. “This smells heavenly,” Sunset murmured. “Did you make it yourself?”
“Mmm.” Marble Pie nodded once, then she looked between Sunset and the door, as if she wanted to bolt.
Sunset sighed, and leaned back in her chair, letting the warmth from the thermos spread through her fingers. “I won’t keep you here if you don’t want to be here. But I really could use the company.”
Marble Pie bit her lip, then took a deep breath, and stepped to the side, resting one hand on the railing and looking up at the sky. She kept her back to Sunset. A breeze pushed the front door shut and she flinched, but stayed.
“Are you scared of the monster?” Sunset asked before taking a sip of her coffee. It was scalding, of course. Bit of a mistake.
Marble Pie shook her head. “Nnnumm.”
“Is it because you think I can handle it?”
“Mmmhmm.”
A cloud passed over the moon, deepening the shadows around them. Sunset poured a bit of coffee into the lid of the thermos, where it would hopefully cool down. “Pinkie Pie tells me that you're home schooled. That she was too, until she moved to the city with Maud a few years back. Your parents seem nice enough. But I have to imagine it gets lonely out here.”
Marble’s grip on the railing tightened. “Mmm.”
Sunset stood up, carefully setting the thermos and the weapon aside, then made her way to the railing beside Marble. “I don’t know you very well, or why you stayed. I can guess. But there would be a place for you, out there, if you ever decided you wanted something else. A place with Pinkie, myself, and all of us girls.”
Marble turned to face her, eyes wide and glistening. Her hand clutched at her heart, and she shifted her weight, her mouth opening as if she wanted to say something. Then her expression fell, and she looked away, and shook her head.
“The thought’s even scarier than dealing with a monster, huh?”
“Mmmhmm.”
Sunset sighed, and rubbed at the back of her head. “Wish I could offer more. I’ll offer all the help and encouragement I can, and I’m sure Pinkie does the same. But, well, the rest of that strength can only come from within.”
“I know,” Marble whispered. She turned away, her arms clutched over her stomach.
A thought occurred to Sunset, and she raised her hand, almost touching Marble. Maybe she could use her power, to see how Marble felt. Understand her a little better, maybe find a way to help Marble spread her wings. Still, mind reading was kind of rude, especially without permission.
Before Sunset could work all the way through her moral conundrum, her necklace pulsed. Half a second later, something screamed.
Apparently, Limestone had been underselling it. A lot. A hellish shriek ripped through the air, accompanied by a rush of wind that rattled the house. The sound, high pitched, feminine, and echoing with ethereal reverberation, bounced off all the cliffs and valleys in the area, and seemed to redirect it all directly into Sunset’s skull.
Sunset fell to her knees, clutching at her head. Just how long was this going to go on? How had this not drawn the attention of people three counties away?
Finally, the sonic assault faded, lingering echos still bouncing through distant canyons. Sunset looked up, blinking away tears. Down the road, just under the arch that marked the entrance to the farm, stood a shadowed figure. It was hard to make out proportions in the dim light, but two topaz eyes shone like burning coals, staring straight at Sunset.
“Marble. Get inside,” Sunset barked. She took a step back, then froze. Marble lay in a crumpled heap on the porch, though her chest still rose and fell. “Shit.” Sunset backed up a few more steps, and accidentally kicked over the thermos of coffee. It fell over with a splash and steam hissed up from the floorboards. Without taking her eyes off of the creature, she carefully knelt down and picked up Limestone’s blade.
The creature took a lurching step forward, its body shifting about strangely in the darkness. It threw back its head, peals of laughter erupting forth. It wasn’t nearly as mind wracking as the earlier scream, but each separate giggle or guffaw modulated at a different pitch, a disturbing imitation.
Sunset’s necklace pulsed, warm against her chest. Whatever this was, it had at least some origins in Equestrian Magic. She grabbed the blanket from her chair, tossed it over Marble’s sleeping form, then made her way down the porch steps. She waited, Kaiser held at the ready. The wind picked up, her hair streaming lose behind her.
The clouds broke overhead, right above the creature. It dazzled in the silvery moonlight, a kaleidoscope of rainbow colors reflected and refracted all across the grounds.
Sunset raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sudden radiance, then her mouth fell open as she realized just what this creature was. It was a gem! Or rather, multiple gems. Hundreds, thousands maybe, of shifting gemstones, all piled about into a rough humanoid shape. Another step forward, and it shed diamonds, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds onto the lawn as if they were just candy. It looked up, and the various gems that made its facial features twisted into something that resembled a smile. “It’s you! It’s really you!”
Well, that wasn’t a good sign.
Before Sunset could make any move, the creature leapt forward. It covered a dozen paces in a single stride, then made another, bounding towards her with incredible speed. Sunset braced herself for impact, and possibly a rather unceremonious death, but it skidded to stop right before her. Up close, she could see that its body was shapely and feminine, and its alien smile seemed almost childish in its glee.
“You’re Sunset Shimmer!” The creature bounced, and clapped her hands together, spraying gems across Sunset like spittle and crumbs from an over enthusiastic eater who didn’t know how to shut up. “You actually came all this way, just to see me?”
Sunset blinked, still holding the blade in front of her cautiously. “I didn’t realize I was so famous. You have me at a disadvantage here, you know. What’s your name?”
The creature tilted her head to the side, her features frowning into what was probably confusion. “My name? I just am. I have always been. I am the land, and have... “ The rubies that formed her lips pursed, and she raised one finger to her mouth to approximate biting on a diamond nail. “Oh, I know! Call me Pie.”
“Alright, Pie it is.” Sunset spared a quick glance for Marble, still safe on the porch. Adrenaline thundered through her veins, and every muscle in her body was tense and ready for action. Still, if she could talk her way through whatever this was, it’d certainly be a lot easier than fighting her. She had a sneaking suspicion Kaiser wouldn’t even slow her down. “So how do you know me, then?”
Pie giggled, then threw her arms into the air, scattering a mini rainbow in the process. “Everyone here knows about Sunset Shimmer! Every day, Pink-Sister-Pie writes a letter, telling everything about everything she does! Every night, Father Pie reads the letter out loud, so everyone hears stories about Sunset Shimmer, and Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash and Rarity and Applejack and Fluttershy! But mostly Sunset Shimmer!”
“That’s…” The tension started to drain out of Sunset, and she felt a warmth in her chest. Pinkie was that thorough? Even with a family as stern and bleak and out of the way as this one, they diligently listened to every word of Pinkie’s stories about her life and her friends. A family like that… to be honest, it made Sunset a little jealous. But just like that, she felt like she understood Pinkie Pie a little better, which was no easy feat, even with mind reading powers. “Alright. So, let's see if I can work this out. You’re some kind of spirit, tied to this land. You’ve always been here, watching over the Pie family. So far so good?”
“Umm…” Pie tilted her head from side to side. One of her ears fell off, though more gems quickly replaced it. She shrugged. “I guess that sums it up?”
Sunset nodded, then rested one hand on her hip. “So how come you’re out here at night, screaming up a storm and scaring everyone here half to death?”
“Screaming? Scaring? I…” The topaz that formed her eyes fell out, leaving her with shapeless sockets, and she shuddered violently. “I’m so lonely. I’m so bored. I want to leave, but I can’t. I want to go to Canterlot! I want to see, to feel, to touch, to hear, to smell, to taste, everything there is to offer! You, Sunset Shimmer!” She looked back up, her eyes now glittering rubies. “You shine brilliant like the sun, so beautiful, so charming, so strong, so confident. I…” She leaned forward, and her body shifted in its shape, putting more emphasis on her feminine curves. “I want to kiss you, Sunset Shimmer. Please, kiss me.”
“Pie…” Sunset Shimmer took a deep breath. The whole display was both terrifying, and somewhat sad. “What your feeling… isn’t the feelings of a simple spirit, is it?” Her expression softened, she reached a hand towards Pie. “I don’t think I can give you what you want. But I may still be able to help you.”
Sunset’s hand made contact with Pie’s cheek, the gemstones cool under her skin. Pie shuddered under her touch, and her body lit up in a alien blush as rubies bubbled to the surface of her skin.
Sunset’s own gemstone flared with a brilliant light, and her power activated. A surge of emotions flooded into her in an overwhelming wave. Something ancient and old. Something simple and mundane. Love, lust, desire, jealousy, longing, loneliness, boredom. Each crashed against her psyche in a torrent of images and unparseable sensations.
Sunset passed out.
A low hum slowly cut into Sunset’s consciousness, and she began to stir. A girl’s voice, humming a wordless melody. Not bad. Whoever it was, she could carry a tune.
Sunset shifted about. She could feel a bed underneath her, soft, and smelling faintly of peaches. Warm sunlight splashed against her face. She let out a soft sigh, and snuggled in a little tighter underneath the covers.
Memories of a lonely gem returned to her, and she stiffened. So much for sleeping in. Whatever had happened last night, she was apparently still alive, so that was a plus. She opened her eyes, then slowly tried to blink the sleep out of them. A strange bedroom came into focus, mostly empty except for a single desk, decorated with a number of photos Sunset couldn’t quite make out at this angle. Marble sat at the desk, hunched over a piece of paper, her pencil scratching away.
Sunset lay there for a bit, admiring the view. Marble really was cute as a button. And she seemed utterly lost in her work, too. Oh well. She’d have to spoil the illusion sooner or later. She sat up, stretching, then smiled. “Hey.”
Marble blinked, turned towards Sunset, then shrieked. She threw her body over her drawing, then looked frantically about, grabbed it, and darted for her closet. She ducked in, fidgeted with something inside, then stepped back out, slid the closet door closed, produced a key and locked it behind her, the paper apparently stashed away. She turned back around, her face bright red and her hands clasped in front of her.
It was hard not to laugh, but Sunset managed to keep herself to an amused smirk instead. “What happened last night?”
Marble licked her lips, took a deep breath, then mumbled, “You were outside. Sleeping.”
“No gem creature?”
“Nnnumm.”
Sunset ran her fingers through her hair, then sighed. That dose of emotion magic had hit hard. Her head still swam in places. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay. Is there anything to eat?”
“Uhhh…” Marble blinked, then her eyes widened as if she’d just remembered something. She sprinted out her bedroom door and thundered down the stairs, leaving Sunset alone.
Sunset stretched, then peered a little closer at Marble’s writing desk. Most of the pictures on it were group shots of Pinkie and the rest of the girls.
Everything was starting to come together, or at least she figured she had a pretty good handle on it. Equestrian Magic really did tend to make everything way more complicated.
After maybe five minutes, Marble returned, carrying a bowl of steaming soup. She set it down on the bedside table next to the lamp, and then returned to her seat, her hands folded in her lap.
Sunset flopped back on the bed, resting her forearm over her forehead. She affected a rasp to her voice, and croaked, “Thanks, Marble. But I’m feeling so weak. Do you think you can feed it to me?”
Marble’s eyes widened, and she moved her lips several times, no sound coming out. After blushing once again, she coughed, and managed to whisper, “Okay.” She dragged her chair over to sit next to Sunset, and her hands shook as she dipped the spoon into the bowl.
“If your hands keep shaking like that, you’re going to spill soup all over me.”
“Mmm.” Marble took a deep breath, and her hands steadied a bit. She brought the soup closer, then looked into Sunset’s eyes.
Sunset opened wide. But she couldn’t keep a straight face anymore, and snickered.
Marble blinked, stared at Sunset for a moment, then burst out into a giggle of her own.
They shared in laughter together, then Sunset sat up properly, and ate her own soup. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.”
Marble smiled.
Sunset’s smile faded. She set the soup aside, then stood up. “Hey, Marble. Do you know anything about the creature that’s haunting your farm?”
“Hmm?” Marble shook her head.
“Right, that’s what I thought. You see, at this point, I think I do. I met with it last night, got to talk with it. Her. She’s got quite the… colorful personality.”
Marble frowned.
Sunset grimaced. “I think I know how to stop it. Stop all of it. But it involves you. I’ll need your help. And it won’t be easy.”
“Me?” Marble licked her lips, and she stood up, trembling slightly. “How?”
Sunset placed a hand on her shoulder, and looked into her eyes. “It involves digging deep. Into emotions, feelings, dreams, desires. The stuff you’d rather keep hidden.”
Marble’s gaze darted briefly to her locked closet door, and a look of panic entered her eyes. She shook her head. “Nnnumm!”
“I’m sorry for this.” Sunset leaned forward, and pressed her lips against Marble’s. Her gemstone flared to life, and her power drew deep from the well of Marble’s psyche.
Sunset found herself plummeting through a black void, sliding down an orange cord of light gripped in her hand. It weaved and dipped in a wild rollarcoaster of thought, before joining up with more orange cords, a dozen, a hundred, a thousand. Each a piece of Marble, her memories, her dreams.
But there was something else here too. Connected to the great mass of orange was a twisted mass of purple, seeming to draw motes of light into it. Sunset rode her way down to where the colors met. In the distance, at the bottom of the void, she could see a mass of gems, vaguely in the shape of Pie.
Sunset focused. This was just a mindscape after all, where thought was made form. Kaiser dropped into her hand. Even imaginary and non-existent, its power was real. She swung the blade and it cut cleanly through the tangled mess hanging onto Marble. It snapped, and the form of Pie let out a tiny cry. Then a look of peace settled over her alien face, and she settled into a mound of gems, to slumber once more.
The cords Sunset hung from began to retract upwards, and Sunset rode them back to reality.
One memory stuck with her before she could leave.
Marble, hunched over her desk. Drawing. It was a comic. Surprisingly good looking. The characters were familiar. Sunset Shimmer, and all of her friends. But there was an eighth. Marble Pie. A shy, but talkative, and normal girl. One who could live her life with others, unfettered from doubts and fear and anxiety.
Sunset pulled out of the kiss.
Marble’s eyes filled with tears, and she sunk to her knees, sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” Sunset repeated. She sighed, then sat down on the floor, and leaned against the bed. “Equestrian Magic has been loose in this world for awhile now. It has a nasty tendency of infecting and empowering all sorts of things that it really shouldn’t. In this case, it merged with the land itself, gems that have likely been resting in the earth for eons. A new consciousness with no of substance of its own, it latched onto the strongest thing it could. A powerful source of emotions. That is, you.”
Marble wailed, and buried her face in her hands. “Y-you hate me, right? I’m just some weirdo. The little sister you’ve never even thought of. But I knew you, and Pinkie’s stories were always so… I never meant too...” Her words trailed off with a choked cry, and she continued sobbing.
“I don’t hate you.” Sunset rested a hand on Marble’s leg, and gave a reassuring squeeze. “Quite the opposite, really. I think you’re cute as a button and I’d love to get to know you better, Marble. But even as magical as I am, I can’t fix your anxiety, or your shyness, or your fear. I’m no therapist. If that's a step you wanted to take, I’d be happy to help you do the research and find something that worked for you. If you could find the strength to make it to Canterlot, the girls and I will support you however we can. If you can’t, then I’ll do my best to cheer you on from afar.”
“But…” Marble sniffed, and wiped at her eyes. “Would everyone really be happy with someone as useless as me around? I’m not strong enough. I’ll just be a burden to everyone. I’m already a burden to everyone here. This whole thing was my fault. And besides. I’m… with you…” Her gaze flickered down to Sunset’s chest, then she blushed and looked away.
Sunset flashed her teeth. “Hey, I said I thought the opposite, right? I like you. This isn’t some grand declaration of love or anything. A real relationship takes a lot more effort than that. I think maybe on some level, that I just like to bully cute girls. But if you can make it to Canterlot, well. Who knows what could happen?” Sunset stood up, then held out her hand.
“Mmm.” Marble stared at Sunset’s outstretched hand, her pounding heart loud enough to be heard. She took a deep breath, then took it, and allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. She wobbled, then sat down on the bed instead, and she grabbed a tissue from her nightstand and blew her nose. “I’m sorry.”
“No more apologies, alright?” Sunset leaned in close, and ruffled Marble’s hair. “Look, this was probably a lot to take in all at once. Not to mention all the literal magic. How about I give you some time and space to process all of this? I should probably go tell all the others what happened. Don’t worry, I’ll leave out the personal bits.”
Marble wiped at her eyes a few more times, then nodded. “Mmmhmm.”
Sunset stretched, then turned to go.
“Sunset?” Marble called out, her voice barely a whisper.
Sunset turned around, one hand on the door frame. “Yeah?”
Marble smiled, her expression radiant. “Thank you.”
Pinkie Pie threw open the doors to the cafeteria hard enough that they slammed into the wall. “Sunset!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Guess what came in the mail today!”
Everyone in the cafeteria turned to stare at Pinkie as she sprinted through the aisles waving a piece of paper.
Sunset sighed, and rubbed at her temples.
Pinkie Pie skidded to a halt and hopped into the seat across from Sunset. “Well? Guess!”
“Hmm.” Sunset drummed her fingers on the table. “Is it… a piece of paper?”
“You got it right!” Pinkie Pie held up the paper triumphantly. “Hey, wait! It's not the paper, it's what's on the paper, silly! Marble Pie is coming to Canterlot to live with me and Maud!”
Sunset’s heart skipped a beat, and she leaned closer. “Is that so?” It had only been a week since the incident.
“Aaaannnd,” Pinkie Pie said, her expression turning sly. She pulled a second envelope out of her hair, then slid it across the table. “She also wrote a letter for you,” she said in a sing song, waggling her eyebrows.
Sunset took the letter and held it up. It smelled faintly of peaches. She had a sneaking suspicion that life was about to get a lot more interesting.
“‘Atta girl.”
Sunset grinned. Pinkie Pie’s exuberance never failed to put a smile on her face. Although the painful death grip around Sunset’s waist at least showcased some level of self preservation instinct. She eased up on the throttle, and the bike hummed its low purr. The roads here were getting rocky and uneven, so breakneck speeds were no longer an option.
With every curve and dip Sunset’s mental map of the area became fuzzier, and she wished for her own sake that she’d spent a little bit longer studying the directions on her phone. Of course, Pinkie Pie knew the way by heart.
“Ooh, take a left up by that rock! The one that kind of looks like a horse, but with its mane halfway shaved off, and with an expression like he’s super glad that the work week is over but still overcome with a general depression because he knows he only gets two days of respite before he has to saddle up and do it all over again!”
A part of Sunset wanted to stop and see if Pinkie’s description was true, but she just rolled her eyes and turned the bike onto the next road.
Soon enough, they passed under a low stone arch, and a small farmhouse perched on top of a cliff came into view. Barren and rocky pretty much summed up any description of the place Sunset could think of. It certainly lacked the life and warmth of the Apple Family homestead.
None of that seemed to slow down Pinkie Pie in the slightest. As the bike slowed to a stop, Pinkie Pie hopped off, and started doing cartwheels. “We’re here, we’re here!” After a few laps around the bike, she righted herself, then gestured grandly. “Sunset Shimmer, welcome to my home! Well, my home home, but not my home. Because, you know, I live with Maud while she’s going to college! But the place where I grew up. Maybe I should just call it the Pie Family Rock Farm?”
Sunset chuckled, then parked and turned off her motorcycle. She pulled her helmet off, and the chilly autumn breeze was a welcome relief to the sweat on her brow. “Hey, did you get anything else about why we’re coming here? It’d be nice not to walk into this completely blind, you know.”
Pinkie Pie pursed her lips, then dug her phone out of her overalls. “Hmm, let's see… nope! Just the first message from my dad. Pinkamina Diane Pie, please come to the rock farm as soon as thou art able. Something is wrong. And bring thy magic horse friend.”
“Well, guess we’ll find out soon enough.” Sunset started walking towards the house. She could see someone sitting on the porch. “So, you grew up here, huh? No offense, but it doesn’t really seem like your style.”
“Hmm, doesn’t it? Well, I guess you’re right.” Pinkie Pie followed after Sunset, her hands clasped behind her back. “Going to Canterlot High I get to be a lot more… Pinkie, you know?”
Sunset nodded. As she got closer to the house, she could see that the figure on the porch was a young girl, about her own age.
She glared at the both of them as they approached, and ran a whetstone down a wide bit of metal.
“Hi sis!” Pinkie Pie called out, gesticulating wildly. “This is one of my best friends in the whole wide world, Sunset Shimmer! Sunset, this is my big sister, Limestone Pie! She's kind of in charge of everything around here.”
Limestone grunted, then raised her bit of metal to point it at Sunset. It appeared to be a lawnmower blade with leather straps wrapped around the tapered handle. “So you're the magic horse Pinkamena’s told us all so much about. Here to turn into a giant rainbow and save us all with the power of love?”
Sunset raised an eyebrow. Talk about a grumpy reception. None of the other girls knew much about the Pie family, and Pinkie only had glowing praise for her folks. She peered a little closer at Limestone, and saw that she had dark bags under her eyes, and a thermos of coffee next to her chair. Well, Sunset could handle a little rudeness.
“I don't know.” Sunset climbed the steps to the porch, and leaned against the railing. “I've developed a bit of a reputation for being a problem solver, especially when it comes to magic. But it's pretty unpredictable, and I don't know what we're dealing with here. All I can promise is that I'll do my best.” After a brief pause, Sunset put on her best smile and extended her hand. “Still, it's nice to meet you. You look like you've been working really hard for the sake of your family already. I might need your help, so I hope we can work together.”
Limestone stared at Sunset for a long time. A stiff breeze carried a few bits of loose gravel skipping across the porch. Finally, the corners of her mouth twitched in the slightest approximation of a smile. Then she scoffed, looked away, and grabbed Sunset's hand and shook it quickly. “Alright, fine. You'd better be as awesome as my sister says you are.” She looked up at the window and shouted, “Father! Pinkamena is here with her friend!”
Heavy steps sounded from inside the farmhouse and the door swung open to reveal a tall, grim looking man in a wide brimmed hat. He had dark circles under his eyes to match Limestone’s, and he nodded once at Pinkie. “Pinkamena. It is good to see you again. Thou art most kind in thy haste.”
Pinkie Pie stood up straight and saluted. “Sure thing, pops! Anyone messing with the Pie Farm is messing with me!” She put up her fists, and made a few jabs at the air. “Where are they? Let me at ‘em!”
Pappa Pie’s face remained stern, though a twinkle in his eyes suggested amusement at his daughter's antics. He cleared his throat, then turned to Sunset and bowed low. “Thou must be Sunset Shimmer. I must humbly ask for thy assistance in this grave matter.”
Sunset rubbed at the back of her head, then returned a stiff bow of her own. “I'll do whatever I can to help. Though if you could tell me what exactly what's going on, I'll be able to start on a plan.”
“Of course.” Pappa Pie ran a hand down his impressive sideburns, then stepped back. “Thou must be tired from your journey. Come inside, we shall make you tea.”
“Ooh, I want to help!” Pinkie Pie jumped up, her hands in the air. “Mom’s tea is the best!” With barely a second's pause, Pinkie vanished into the open door, her footsteps thundering through the rickety house.
Pappa Pie mumbled a quick, “Make thyself at home,” before following after his daughter.
Sunset sighed, then stretched, her bones popping audibly. It had been a long drive. And things weren't apparently that urgent. She turned to Limestone, who still sat with her makeshift weapon across her knees. “Hey. Where's the bathroom here?”
A devilish smirk crossed Limestone’s face. She pointed with her blade to the cliff. “Just go off the edge.”
“Wow.” Sunset whistled appreciatively. “And you don't even have railings to hold onto. You must all have an amazing sense of balance.”
Limestone barked a short laugh. “Upstairs, second door on the left.”
Sunset flashed her teeth. “Thanks.” She made her way through the open door and shut it behind her. The interior of the house was sparsely decorated, but it still had a sense of being lived in. The directions proved accurate.
Once Sunset finished her business, she stepped back into the hallway, shaking her hands dry. A flutter of movement caught her attention, and she saw a scrap of a dark dress vanish around the corner.
Wasn't there supposed to be a third Pie sister?
Sunset smirked, then casually made her down the hall, acting as if she hadn't noticed anything. When she passed by the intersecting hallway, she kept going halfway, then suddenly spun to the left, leaning over the girl who pressed into the shadows. “Hi.”
The girl, who could only be Marble Pie, let out a high pitched, “Eep!” Her eyes grew as wide as dinner plates as she stared into Sunset's, and a deep blush slowly crept up her cheeks.
Something about a reaction so timid excited the sleeping bully in Sunset. Thinking about it in such terms was pretty disgusting, but she didn't have any malicious intent. She just had a sudden urge to tease the poor girl a little bit.
“It's nice to meet you. I'm Sunset Shimmer.” Sunset leaned in a but closer, smiled, and extended her hand. “You're Marble Pie, right? Pinkie Pie has told me a bit about you. She says you're the cute twin.”
Marble Pie trembled, but gave the slightest of nods, and slowly raised a shaking hand to lightly grip Sunset's with clammy fingers. “H-hi,” she whispered.
Sunset grinned, squeezed back, then pulled away to give her some space. “She tells me you're quiet and shy, too. Don't worry about it. I've got a friend back in Canterlot that's also pretty timid. If you want me to leave you alone, I will. Just thought I'd say hi.”
“Mmm.” Marble stared past her for a few seconds, then blinked, and looked away. She took a deep breath, and with the faintest of whispers mumbled, “It's fine.” Her blush practically shone on her cheeks, enough of a luminescent red to heat up a herpetarium.
Sunset opened her mouth to offer another quip, but a shriek from downstairs cut her off.
“Sunset! Tea is ready!”
“I hear it's good.” Sunset nodded towards the stairs, then winked. “See you around.”
Sunset made her way down the stairs. Marble Pie didn’t follow.
The kitchen didn’t take long to find, and Sunset walked in on Pinkie Pie and her father sitting at the table. And older woman, presumably Pinkie’s mother, fussed over the stove. Sunset sat down at Pinkie Pie’s insistence, and sipped at the tea that was waiting for her. “Wow, this is good. Thanks.”
Pappa Pie stared into his own teacup, his expression distant. “It all started three nights ago.”
Sunset frowned, set her teacup down, and folded her hands on the table, waiting patiently.
“I was awoken by a terrible sound from outside. Like a scream, but…” He sighed, and suddenly looked a lot older than he had earlier. He rubbed his wrinkled hands together. “If it was just me, I would assume that some sort of madness had overtaken me. But every member of our family can confirm the presence of… this devil that haunts us.”
“A scream, you said?” Sunset asked, leaning forward.
“Almost human, but not,” Limestone said. She leaned against the kitchen doorway, light from behind framing her in shadow. “Something powerful, terrible. Gets into your bones. And it keeps up, maybe for an hour, maybe two.”
“And that is not all.” Pappa Pie took a sip of his tea, and sighed. “There is something out there, creeping about. A figure in the shape of a man. It sticks to the shadows, but when the moonlight hits it, it glimmers like a fresh cut gemstone. So far, it has kept a considerable distance. But each night, it seems to be coming a little bit closer.”
Sunset licked her lips, and glanced at Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie shrugged, her expression serious. “Do you think we should call the girls?”
“I’m not sure how many of them would be able to make it on short notice.” Sunset glanced out the window. Not many hours of daylight left. “It hasn’t hurt anyone, or destroyed any property?”
Limestone grunted. “I’ve been staying up every night, taking shifts with Father.” She hefted her makeshift blade, her eyes glittering like obsidian. “If it was going to try anything, either I or it would be dead.”
Pappa Pie shook his head. “It has not caused any overt destruction that we have noticed. But Limestone and I cannot work in the mines while also guarding the house.”
“I see.” Sunset drummed her fingers on the kitchen table, and rested her chin on her other hand. “In that case, let’s just observe this phenomena tonight. We’ll message the girls, tell them to keep their schedules open, in case whatever it is needs a good rainbow to the face tomorrow.”
“Okey-dokey!” Pinkie Pie whipped out her phone, her fingers already tapping out messages at lightning speed.
Sunset glanced between Limestone and her father, and then nodded. “Right. Pinkie and I will take over your shifts for tonight. I’ll take the first. You two get some rest. You look like you need it.”
Pappa Pie bowed his head. “I am but a simple man, Miss Shimmer. All I desire in life is to work my farm and to take care of my family. There is little I can offer you for your assistance, other than my eternal gratitude.”
Limestone pursed her lips, then thrust out her weapon towards Sunset, handle first. “I guess I can lend you this. His name is Kaiser. And you’d better bring him back in one piece.”
Sunset accepted the blade, closing her fingers around the leather handle. The weapon itself was light, but the weight of the responsibility it represented threatened to drag her down. Sunset looked up, and met everyone's eyes in turn. “I won’t let you down.”
Dinner with the Pie family was both a somber and a rather bland affair, consisting of a weakly flavored soup and some bread. Though Sunset had a sneaking suspicion it would have been so even if there wasn’t a spooky monster harassing them.
Marble Pie had come down for dinner, said nothing, and continuously tried to sneak glances at Sunset whenever she thought Sunset wasn’t paying attention. Once her meal was finished, however, she had immediately fled to her room.
Maybe Sunset shouldn’t have teased the girl earlier. Oh well. The muted evening led to a rather ominous sense of dread building in Sunset’s gut.
One that was rather quickly dispelled once the stakeout actually began.
Sunset sat on a rocking chair on the front porch, Kaiser draped across her knees. It was damn chilly this night, and she was starting to wish she’d brought a thicker jacket. It had been two hours already. The rest of the pie family slumbered behind her, and the evening was otherwise monster free. The moon shone bright in the sky, illuminating the barren and rocky cliffs and valleys that surrounded this tiny little farmhouse.
All in all, she was bored.
With a sigh. Sunset gingerly ran her finger along the edge of the blade. Limestone apparently took good care of it, for some reason. A thought occurred to her, and Sunset blinked, looking around. There wasn’t a blade of grass for miles.
“Why are you even here?” Sunset hissed. She glared at the weapon, as if she could will it to give up its secrets. Was it found in a trash pile? Maybe Limestone had borrowed it from a neighbor that did have a lawn. Maybe Limestone specifically went to the hardware store to buy a lawnmower blade to use as a weapon, rather than anything more practical, like a machete.
The creaking of boards interrupted Sunset’s pointless reverie, and she tensed up, hefting the blade. The sound continued, and Sunset relaxed. It was just someone moving around in the house. Someone still awake, maybe going to the bathroom.
The footsteps from inside came closer, and then the front door swung open, just a few inches. Nobody came out, however, and Sunset looked over just in time to see dark bangs ducking out of sight.
Sunset chuckled, and smiled. “You can come out if you want. I could use the company. I promise I won’t bite.” She paused for a second, then grinned wickedly. “Unless you want me to.”
Marble let out a barely audible squeak, and the door swung closed.
Well crap. Sunset rubbed at the bridge of her nose, and sighed. She rolled her shoulders, and was about to stand up and try to apologize when the door handle turned again.
Marble Pie stepped out. Her eyes flickered between Sunset and the ground several times, her face lit up like a fire hydrant. She held a thermos in one hand, and a folded up blanket in another. She stood there, fidgeting for a few moments before taking a step closer and thrusting them towards Sunset.
“Thanks a bunch. I was just starting to think how much I could use something like this.” Sunset draped the blanket over her shoulders, then twisted off the lid of the thermos. The scent of fresh coffee filled her nose, steam rising up in the chilly air. “This smells heavenly,” Sunset murmured. “Did you make it yourself?”
“Mmm.” Marble Pie nodded once, then she looked between Sunset and the door, as if she wanted to bolt.
Sunset sighed, and leaned back in her chair, letting the warmth from the thermos spread through her fingers. “I won’t keep you here if you don’t want to be here. But I really could use the company.”
Marble Pie bit her lip, then took a deep breath, and stepped to the side, resting one hand on the railing and looking up at the sky. She kept her back to Sunset. A breeze pushed the front door shut and she flinched, but stayed.
“Are you scared of the monster?” Sunset asked before taking a sip of her coffee. It was scalding, of course. Bit of a mistake.
Marble Pie shook her head. “Nnnumm.”
“Is it because you think I can handle it?”
“Mmmhmm.”
A cloud passed over the moon, deepening the shadows around them. Sunset poured a bit of coffee into the lid of the thermos, where it would hopefully cool down. “Pinkie Pie tells me that you're home schooled. That she was too, until she moved to the city with Maud a few years back. Your parents seem nice enough. But I have to imagine it gets lonely out here.”
Marble’s grip on the railing tightened. “Mmm.”
Sunset stood up, carefully setting the thermos and the weapon aside, then made her way to the railing beside Marble. “I don’t know you very well, or why you stayed. I can guess. But there would be a place for you, out there, if you ever decided you wanted something else. A place with Pinkie, myself, and all of us girls.”
Marble turned to face her, eyes wide and glistening. Her hand clutched at her heart, and she shifted her weight, her mouth opening as if she wanted to say something. Then her expression fell, and she looked away, and shook her head.
“The thought’s even scarier than dealing with a monster, huh?”
“Mmmhmm.”
Sunset sighed, and rubbed at the back of her head. “Wish I could offer more. I’ll offer all the help and encouragement I can, and I’m sure Pinkie does the same. But, well, the rest of that strength can only come from within.”
“I know,” Marble whispered. She turned away, her arms clutched over her stomach.
A thought occurred to Sunset, and she raised her hand, almost touching Marble. Maybe she could use her power, to see how Marble felt. Understand her a little better, maybe find a way to help Marble spread her wings. Still, mind reading was kind of rude, especially without permission.
Before Sunset could work all the way through her moral conundrum, her necklace pulsed. Half a second later, something screamed.
Apparently, Limestone had been underselling it. A lot. A hellish shriek ripped through the air, accompanied by a rush of wind that rattled the house. The sound, high pitched, feminine, and echoing with ethereal reverberation, bounced off all the cliffs and valleys in the area, and seemed to redirect it all directly into Sunset’s skull.
Sunset fell to her knees, clutching at her head. Just how long was this going to go on? How had this not drawn the attention of people three counties away?
Finally, the sonic assault faded, lingering echos still bouncing through distant canyons. Sunset looked up, blinking away tears. Down the road, just under the arch that marked the entrance to the farm, stood a shadowed figure. It was hard to make out proportions in the dim light, but two topaz eyes shone like burning coals, staring straight at Sunset.
“Marble. Get inside,” Sunset barked. She took a step back, then froze. Marble lay in a crumpled heap on the porch, though her chest still rose and fell. “Shit.” Sunset backed up a few more steps, and accidentally kicked over the thermos of coffee. It fell over with a splash and steam hissed up from the floorboards. Without taking her eyes off of the creature, she carefully knelt down and picked up Limestone’s blade.
The creature took a lurching step forward, its body shifting about strangely in the darkness. It threw back its head, peals of laughter erupting forth. It wasn’t nearly as mind wracking as the earlier scream, but each separate giggle or guffaw modulated at a different pitch, a disturbing imitation.
Sunset’s necklace pulsed, warm against her chest. Whatever this was, it had at least some origins in Equestrian Magic. She grabbed the blanket from her chair, tossed it over Marble’s sleeping form, then made her way down the porch steps. She waited, Kaiser held at the ready. The wind picked up, her hair streaming lose behind her.
The clouds broke overhead, right above the creature. It dazzled in the silvery moonlight, a kaleidoscope of rainbow colors reflected and refracted all across the grounds.
Sunset raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sudden radiance, then her mouth fell open as she realized just what this creature was. It was a gem! Or rather, multiple gems. Hundreds, thousands maybe, of shifting gemstones, all piled about into a rough humanoid shape. Another step forward, and it shed diamonds, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds onto the lawn as if they were just candy. It looked up, and the various gems that made its facial features twisted into something that resembled a smile. “It’s you! It’s really you!”
Well, that wasn’t a good sign.
Before Sunset could make any move, the creature leapt forward. It covered a dozen paces in a single stride, then made another, bounding towards her with incredible speed. Sunset braced herself for impact, and possibly a rather unceremonious death, but it skidded to stop right before her. Up close, she could see that its body was shapely and feminine, and its alien smile seemed almost childish in its glee.
“You’re Sunset Shimmer!” The creature bounced, and clapped her hands together, spraying gems across Sunset like spittle and crumbs from an over enthusiastic eater who didn’t know how to shut up. “You actually came all this way, just to see me?”
Sunset blinked, still holding the blade in front of her cautiously. “I didn’t realize I was so famous. You have me at a disadvantage here, you know. What’s your name?”
The creature tilted her head to the side, her features frowning into what was probably confusion. “My name? I just am. I have always been. I am the land, and have... “ The rubies that formed her lips pursed, and she raised one finger to her mouth to approximate biting on a diamond nail. “Oh, I know! Call me Pie.”
“Alright, Pie it is.” Sunset spared a quick glance for Marble, still safe on the porch. Adrenaline thundered through her veins, and every muscle in her body was tense and ready for action. Still, if she could talk her way through whatever this was, it’d certainly be a lot easier than fighting her. She had a sneaking suspicion Kaiser wouldn’t even slow her down. “So how do you know me, then?”
Pie giggled, then threw her arms into the air, scattering a mini rainbow in the process. “Everyone here knows about Sunset Shimmer! Every day, Pink-Sister-Pie writes a letter, telling everything about everything she does! Every night, Father Pie reads the letter out loud, so everyone hears stories about Sunset Shimmer, and Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash and Rarity and Applejack and Fluttershy! But mostly Sunset Shimmer!”
“That’s…” The tension started to drain out of Sunset, and she felt a warmth in her chest. Pinkie was that thorough? Even with a family as stern and bleak and out of the way as this one, they diligently listened to every word of Pinkie’s stories about her life and her friends. A family like that… to be honest, it made Sunset a little jealous. But just like that, she felt like she understood Pinkie Pie a little better, which was no easy feat, even with mind reading powers. “Alright. So, let's see if I can work this out. You’re some kind of spirit, tied to this land. You’ve always been here, watching over the Pie family. So far so good?”
“Umm…” Pie tilted her head from side to side. One of her ears fell off, though more gems quickly replaced it. She shrugged. “I guess that sums it up?”
Sunset nodded, then rested one hand on her hip. “So how come you’re out here at night, screaming up a storm and scaring everyone here half to death?”
“Screaming? Scaring? I…” The topaz that formed her eyes fell out, leaving her with shapeless sockets, and she shuddered violently. “I’m so lonely. I’m so bored. I want to leave, but I can’t. I want to go to Canterlot! I want to see, to feel, to touch, to hear, to smell, to taste, everything there is to offer! You, Sunset Shimmer!” She looked back up, her eyes now glittering rubies. “You shine brilliant like the sun, so beautiful, so charming, so strong, so confident. I…” She leaned forward, and her body shifted in its shape, putting more emphasis on her feminine curves. “I want to kiss you, Sunset Shimmer. Please, kiss me.”
“Pie…” Sunset Shimmer took a deep breath. The whole display was both terrifying, and somewhat sad. “What your feeling… isn’t the feelings of a simple spirit, is it?” Her expression softened, she reached a hand towards Pie. “I don’t think I can give you what you want. But I may still be able to help you.”
Sunset’s hand made contact with Pie’s cheek, the gemstones cool under her skin. Pie shuddered under her touch, and her body lit up in a alien blush as rubies bubbled to the surface of her skin.
Sunset’s own gemstone flared with a brilliant light, and her power activated. A surge of emotions flooded into her in an overwhelming wave. Something ancient and old. Something simple and mundane. Love, lust, desire, jealousy, longing, loneliness, boredom. Each crashed against her psyche in a torrent of images and unparseable sensations.
Sunset passed out.
A low hum slowly cut into Sunset’s consciousness, and she began to stir. A girl’s voice, humming a wordless melody. Not bad. Whoever it was, she could carry a tune.
Sunset shifted about. She could feel a bed underneath her, soft, and smelling faintly of peaches. Warm sunlight splashed against her face. She let out a soft sigh, and snuggled in a little tighter underneath the covers.
Memories of a lonely gem returned to her, and she stiffened. So much for sleeping in. Whatever had happened last night, she was apparently still alive, so that was a plus. She opened her eyes, then slowly tried to blink the sleep out of them. A strange bedroom came into focus, mostly empty except for a single desk, decorated with a number of photos Sunset couldn’t quite make out at this angle. Marble sat at the desk, hunched over a piece of paper, her pencil scratching away.
Sunset lay there for a bit, admiring the view. Marble really was cute as a button. And she seemed utterly lost in her work, too. Oh well. She’d have to spoil the illusion sooner or later. She sat up, stretching, then smiled. “Hey.”
Marble blinked, turned towards Sunset, then shrieked. She threw her body over her drawing, then looked frantically about, grabbed it, and darted for her closet. She ducked in, fidgeted with something inside, then stepped back out, slid the closet door closed, produced a key and locked it behind her, the paper apparently stashed away. She turned back around, her face bright red and her hands clasped in front of her.
It was hard not to laugh, but Sunset managed to keep herself to an amused smirk instead. “What happened last night?”
Marble licked her lips, took a deep breath, then mumbled, “You were outside. Sleeping.”
“No gem creature?”
“Nnnumm.”
Sunset ran her fingers through her hair, then sighed. That dose of emotion magic had hit hard. Her head still swam in places. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay. Is there anything to eat?”
“Uhhh…” Marble blinked, then her eyes widened as if she’d just remembered something. She sprinted out her bedroom door and thundered down the stairs, leaving Sunset alone.
Sunset stretched, then peered a little closer at Marble’s writing desk. Most of the pictures on it were group shots of Pinkie and the rest of the girls.
Everything was starting to come together, or at least she figured she had a pretty good handle on it. Equestrian Magic really did tend to make everything way more complicated.
After maybe five minutes, Marble returned, carrying a bowl of steaming soup. She set it down on the bedside table next to the lamp, and then returned to her seat, her hands folded in her lap.
Sunset flopped back on the bed, resting her forearm over her forehead. She affected a rasp to her voice, and croaked, “Thanks, Marble. But I’m feeling so weak. Do you think you can feed it to me?”
Marble’s eyes widened, and she moved her lips several times, no sound coming out. After blushing once again, she coughed, and managed to whisper, “Okay.” She dragged her chair over to sit next to Sunset, and her hands shook as she dipped the spoon into the bowl.
“If your hands keep shaking like that, you’re going to spill soup all over me.”
“Mmm.” Marble took a deep breath, and her hands steadied a bit. She brought the soup closer, then looked into Sunset’s eyes.
Sunset opened wide. But she couldn’t keep a straight face anymore, and snickered.
Marble blinked, stared at Sunset for a moment, then burst out into a giggle of her own.
They shared in laughter together, then Sunset sat up properly, and ate her own soup. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.”
Marble smiled.
Sunset’s smile faded. She set the soup aside, then stood up. “Hey, Marble. Do you know anything about the creature that’s haunting your farm?”
“Hmm?” Marble shook her head.
“Right, that’s what I thought. You see, at this point, I think I do. I met with it last night, got to talk with it. Her. She’s got quite the… colorful personality.”
Marble frowned.
Sunset grimaced. “I think I know how to stop it. Stop all of it. But it involves you. I’ll need your help. And it won’t be easy.”
“Me?” Marble licked her lips, and she stood up, trembling slightly. “How?”
Sunset placed a hand on her shoulder, and looked into her eyes. “It involves digging deep. Into emotions, feelings, dreams, desires. The stuff you’d rather keep hidden.”
Marble’s gaze darted briefly to her locked closet door, and a look of panic entered her eyes. She shook her head. “Nnnumm!”
“I’m sorry for this.” Sunset leaned forward, and pressed her lips against Marble’s. Her gemstone flared to life, and her power drew deep from the well of Marble’s psyche.
Sunset found herself plummeting through a black void, sliding down an orange cord of light gripped in her hand. It weaved and dipped in a wild rollarcoaster of thought, before joining up with more orange cords, a dozen, a hundred, a thousand. Each a piece of Marble, her memories, her dreams.
But there was something else here too. Connected to the great mass of orange was a twisted mass of purple, seeming to draw motes of light into it. Sunset rode her way down to where the colors met. In the distance, at the bottom of the void, she could see a mass of gems, vaguely in the shape of Pie.
Sunset focused. This was just a mindscape after all, where thought was made form. Kaiser dropped into her hand. Even imaginary and non-existent, its power was real. She swung the blade and it cut cleanly through the tangled mess hanging onto Marble. It snapped, and the form of Pie let out a tiny cry. Then a look of peace settled over her alien face, and she settled into a mound of gems, to slumber once more.
The cords Sunset hung from began to retract upwards, and Sunset rode them back to reality.
One memory stuck with her before she could leave.
Marble, hunched over her desk. Drawing. It was a comic. Surprisingly good looking. The characters were familiar. Sunset Shimmer, and all of her friends. But there was an eighth. Marble Pie. A shy, but talkative, and normal girl. One who could live her life with others, unfettered from doubts and fear and anxiety.
Sunset pulled out of the kiss.
Marble’s eyes filled with tears, and she sunk to her knees, sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” Sunset repeated. She sighed, then sat down on the floor, and leaned against the bed. “Equestrian Magic has been loose in this world for awhile now. It has a nasty tendency of infecting and empowering all sorts of things that it really shouldn’t. In this case, it merged with the land itself, gems that have likely been resting in the earth for eons. A new consciousness with no of substance of its own, it latched onto the strongest thing it could. A powerful source of emotions. That is, you.”
Marble wailed, and buried her face in her hands. “Y-you hate me, right? I’m just some weirdo. The little sister you’ve never even thought of. But I knew you, and Pinkie’s stories were always so… I never meant too...” Her words trailed off with a choked cry, and she continued sobbing.
“I don’t hate you.” Sunset rested a hand on Marble’s leg, and gave a reassuring squeeze. “Quite the opposite, really. I think you’re cute as a button and I’d love to get to know you better, Marble. But even as magical as I am, I can’t fix your anxiety, or your shyness, or your fear. I’m no therapist. If that's a step you wanted to take, I’d be happy to help you do the research and find something that worked for you. If you could find the strength to make it to Canterlot, the girls and I will support you however we can. If you can’t, then I’ll do my best to cheer you on from afar.”
“But…” Marble sniffed, and wiped at her eyes. “Would everyone really be happy with someone as useless as me around? I’m not strong enough. I’ll just be a burden to everyone. I’m already a burden to everyone here. This whole thing was my fault. And besides. I’m… with you…” Her gaze flickered down to Sunset’s chest, then she blushed and looked away.
Sunset flashed her teeth. “Hey, I said I thought the opposite, right? I like you. This isn’t some grand declaration of love or anything. A real relationship takes a lot more effort than that. I think maybe on some level, that I just like to bully cute girls. But if you can make it to Canterlot, well. Who knows what could happen?” Sunset stood up, then held out her hand.
“Mmm.” Marble stared at Sunset’s outstretched hand, her pounding heart loud enough to be heard. She took a deep breath, then took it, and allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. She wobbled, then sat down on the bed instead, and she grabbed a tissue from her nightstand and blew her nose. “I’m sorry.”
“No more apologies, alright?” Sunset leaned in close, and ruffled Marble’s hair. “Look, this was probably a lot to take in all at once. Not to mention all the literal magic. How about I give you some time and space to process all of this? I should probably go tell all the others what happened. Don’t worry, I’ll leave out the personal bits.”
Marble wiped at her eyes a few more times, then nodded. “Mmmhmm.”
Sunset stretched, then turned to go.
“Sunset?” Marble called out, her voice barely a whisper.
Sunset turned around, one hand on the door frame. “Yeah?”
Marble smiled, her expression radiant. “Thank you.”
Pinkie Pie threw open the doors to the cafeteria hard enough that they slammed into the wall. “Sunset!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Guess what came in the mail today!”
Everyone in the cafeteria turned to stare at Pinkie as she sprinted through the aisles waving a piece of paper.
Sunset sighed, and rubbed at her temples.
Pinkie Pie skidded to a halt and hopped into the seat across from Sunset. “Well? Guess!”
“Hmm.” Sunset drummed her fingers on the table. “Is it… a piece of paper?”
“You got it right!” Pinkie Pie held up the paper triumphantly. “Hey, wait! It's not the paper, it's what's on the paper, silly! Marble Pie is coming to Canterlot to live with me and Maud!”
Sunset’s heart skipped a beat, and she leaned closer. “Is that so?” It had only been a week since the incident.
“Aaaannnd,” Pinkie Pie said, her expression turning sly. She pulled a second envelope out of her hair, then slid it across the table. “She also wrote a letter for you,” she said in a sing song, waggling her eyebrows.
Sunset took the letter and held it up. It smelled faintly of peaches. She had a sneaking suspicion that life was about to get a lot more interesting.
“‘Atta girl.”
Pics
Impressive. Gem was creepy yet sad yet... a dozen other things I can't place. Marble was sweet and cute (as a button) and definitely came across as living through her sister. Limestone was... well, Limestone. She freaks me out no matter what form she's in. And Sunset was classically Sunset.
The mindscape scene felt a bit... odd. There needs to be more there (Though I'm not sure what). But that's something that can be expanded upon.
That aside, I'm sold on the ship. When's the wedding?
The mindscape scene felt a bit... odd. There needs to be more there (Though I'm not sure what). But that's something that can be expanded upon.
That aside, I'm sold on the ship. When's the wedding?
Limestone Pie making Sling Blade references makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable.
This is a flawed, but very fun, entry. It's paced well, it's got a good premise, and it makes excellent use of the "Equestrian magic" cliffhanger from Revenge of Everfree. The gem-monster is inventive, and creepy, while still being sympathetic. On the whole, this is a story which could have come right out of the EqG franchise... were it not for some of the more PG-13 elements, that is.
I'm torn, however, on Sunset's portrayal, and the way she acts toward Marble Pie. Marble's cute (as a button, thank you >>Novel_Idea), but I never got the sense that Sunset was attracted to her until the very end of the story, when the pairing came together. And her actions toward Marble, especially that kiss at the end, come across as more predatory than romantic.I read this in ePub format, on a bus yesterday, and the spot where she smooches Marble has a note reading "BAD TOUCH."
And I'm not sure if Marble's end of the ship is something to be encouraged, either. No matter how well Pinkie has brought Sunset to life in her stories, it's still a highly idealized, abstract Sunset Shimmer that Marble has fallen for. Not Sunset Shimmer, the person, with her occasional bully-impulse and whatever other idiosyncrasies she may have, but Sunset Shimmer, the character she draws comics of herself interacting with in everyday life. And I'm not sure if that's something Sunset should automatically encourage.
I think if there had been more scenes where the characters interacted, on a meaningful level, and Marble got to know the real Sunset more thoroughly, it would have made the resolution more believable and less problematic (god, that word has just been ruined forever, hasn't it? :/). Sunset stealing Marble's first kiss and then inviting her to come hang out with them, with the suggestion that they'd probably start dating afterward because she's attracted to Marble (for some reason? maybe she just likes the shy, bookish type. hmm...), feels unwarranted, however, based on what we see of their interaction.
In terms of narrative and structure, the gem monster comes and goes too quickly, the dreamscape's a little confusing (as >>Novel_Idea said), and while I understood the theory behind why the gem monster came to life, I don't understand why it acts more like Pinkie Pie if it's Marble's psyche she's drawing from. Is it an amalgam of all the Pie clan's thoughts and feelings? If so, then why isn't there any Limestone or Maud in there? Where's the Iggy and Big Mama Q side?
It's a cute read; I definitely enjoyed it, but there are flaws which, in the prelim round anyway, are going to keep it at the upper-mid tier on my slate.
This is a flawed, but very fun, entry. It's paced well, it's got a good premise, and it makes excellent use of the "Equestrian magic" cliffhanger from Revenge of Everfree. The gem-monster is inventive, and creepy, while still being sympathetic. On the whole, this is a story which could have come right out of the EqG franchise... were it not for some of the more PG-13 elements, that is.
I'm torn, however, on Sunset's portrayal, and the way she acts toward Marble Pie. Marble's cute (as a button, thank you >>Novel_Idea), but I never got the sense that Sunset was attracted to her until the very end of the story, when the pairing came together. And her actions toward Marble, especially that kiss at the end, come across as more predatory than romantic.I read this in ePub format, on a bus yesterday, and the spot where she smooches Marble has a note reading "BAD TOUCH."
And I'm not sure if Marble's end of the ship is something to be encouraged, either. No matter how well Pinkie has brought Sunset to life in her stories, it's still a highly idealized, abstract Sunset Shimmer that Marble has fallen for. Not Sunset Shimmer, the person, with her occasional bully-impulse and whatever other idiosyncrasies she may have, but Sunset Shimmer, the character she draws comics of herself interacting with in everyday life. And I'm not sure if that's something Sunset should automatically encourage.
I think if there had been more scenes where the characters interacted, on a meaningful level, and Marble got to know the real Sunset more thoroughly, it would have made the resolution more believable and less problematic (god, that word has just been ruined forever, hasn't it? :/). Sunset stealing Marble's first kiss and then inviting her to come hang out with them, with the suggestion that they'd probably start dating afterward because she's attracted to Marble (for some reason? maybe she just likes the shy, bookish type. hmm...), feels unwarranted, however, based on what we see of their interaction.
In terms of narrative and structure, the gem monster comes and goes too quickly, the dreamscape's a little confusing (as >>Novel_Idea said), and while I understood the theory behind why the gem monster came to life, I don't understand why it acts more like Pinkie Pie if it's Marble's psyche she's drawing from. Is it an amalgam of all the Pie clan's thoughts and feelings? If so, then why isn't there any Limestone or Maud in there? Where's the Iggy and Big Mama Q side?
It's a cute read; I definitely enjoyed it, but there are flaws which, in the prelim round anyway, are going to keep it at the upper-mid tier on my slate.
Genre: Pie Family! :yay:
Thoughts: I love seeing some Equestria Girls Pie family up in here. Or just Pie family in general.Heck, I would settle for just Limestone all day every day. Also, fun fact, I came pretty close to writing something with a similar concept to this, right down to the same character getting a somewhat similar power. So I'm glad I didn't, cuz believe me, it's awkward when you end up writing a story that's conceptually similar to another story in the same Writeoff!
I liked this in large part. The story offers a poignant and believable take on Marble's anxiety, albeit filtered through a monster attack scenario. The moment with her comic toward the end, and the fantasy it depicts, was heart wrenching. I also appreciated the scene where she brought Sunset coffeebecause how couldn't I. :-p. So kudos for selling her struggles and making me care.
The single biggest thing that seemed off to me has been covered by >>Posh in great detail: I think the story loses some of its core elements of Sunset genuinely and selflessly helping Marble when the kiss happens. But, no point in belaboring that point. I think the story also could've used more detail in the dreamscape sequence, as right now it feels very rushed.
Another thing worth praising is the early banter between all the characters. It's strong and entertaining in a way that I wish had persisted once it came down to the key conversation. Another-another thing I liked was the monster and the descriptions of gemstones moving and changing on its body.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: I love seeing some Equestria Girls Pie family up in here. Or just Pie family in general.
I liked this in large part. The story offers a poignant and believable take on Marble's anxiety, albeit filtered through a monster attack scenario. The moment with her comic toward the end, and the fantasy it depicts, was heart wrenching. I also appreciated the scene where she brought Sunset coffee
The single biggest thing that seemed off to me has been covered by >>Posh in great detail: I think the story loses some of its core elements of Sunset genuinely and selflessly helping Marble when the kiss happens. But, no point in belaboring that point. I think the story also could've used more detail in the dreamscape sequence, as right now it feels very rushed.
Another thing worth praising is the early banter between all the characters. It's strong and entertaining in a way that I wish had persisted once it came down to the key conversation. Another-another thing I liked was the monster and the descriptions of gemstones moving and changing on its body.
Tier: Strong
So, first story on my slate and I'll admit that I quite enjoyed this one, even if I'm not much for romance fics. The characters were all nicely fleshed out and its a nice dive into anxiety and the problems with living vicariously. My biggest problem, however, was the romance itself.
Now that second one is probably the most controversial bit but I think its fair. Its an open question as to why this story is a romance fic rather than a story of unrequited love. I can fully understand Marble's pining for a larger than life hero to come and sweep her away, the problem is that Marble really don't come across as Sunset's 'type'. I realise that arguing over whether fictional characters have a preference in partners is a recipe for disaster, or at least a flame war, but this was my biggest break in SoD. We are told that Sunset finds Marble attractive, but there really doesn't seem to be much reason behind it even in Sunset's own head. For someone who canonically is both straight and into athletes its a jump and one that the story didn't bridge for me.
Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.
Anyway, I thought the monster had build-up and I liked the idea of a [sp]spirit of the land responding to the distress of the residents[/sp]. I found it very weird that there didn't seem to be any pay-off to the blade, mostly because it got so much screen-time (and even a name), but I did read this on my phone so I might have missed that. I think if a rework happens the biggest thing to focus on is Sunset's relationship with Marble and either switching away from a reciprocated relationship or allowing for a slower build up to an actual kiss.
Now that second one is probably the most controversial bit but I think its fair. Its an open question as to why this story is a romance fic rather than a story of unrequited love. I can fully understand Marble's pining for a larger than life hero to come and sweep her away, the problem is that Marble really don't come across as Sunset's 'type'. I realise that arguing over whether fictional characters have a preference in partners is a recipe for disaster, or at least a flame war, but this was my biggest break in SoD. We are told that Sunset finds Marble attractive, but there really doesn't seem to be much reason behind it even in Sunset's own head. For someone who canonically is both straight and into athletes its a jump and one that the story didn't bridge for me.
Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.
Anyway, I thought the monster had build-up and I liked the idea of a [sp]spirit of the land responding to the distress of the residents[/sp]. I found it very weird that there didn't seem to be any pay-off to the blade, mostly because it got so much screen-time (and even a name), but I did read this on my phone so I might have missed that. I think if a rework happens the biggest thing to focus on is Sunset's relationship with Marble and either switching away from a reciprocated relationship or allowing for a slower build up to an actual kiss.
>>billymorph
Equestria!Pinkie says that Marble's just a few minutes younger than she is. Assuming that holds true for the EqG world (which is questionable, since Apple Bloom is only a few years younger than Applejack, despite their pony counterparts being at least a decade apart), then they're probably twins, which would put Marble in Sunset's age range.
Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.
Equestria!Pinkie says that Marble's just a few minutes younger than she is. Assuming that holds true for the EqG world (which is questionable, since Apple Bloom is only a few years younger than Applejack, despite their pony counterparts being at least a decade apart), then they're probably twins, which would put Marble in Sunset's age range.
>>Posh Ah, fair enough. I'd forgotten that particular detail of cannon. That makes the ship a little more believable.
I am both bewildered that someone thought to ship this and impressed that it works as well as it does. Although Billy does raise some valid criticism on the "but why" front. Still very cute though.
So, big fan of everything happening here. Human Pie family, actual mines to work on, austere Amish-style living. Marble being the source of the problem is a fantastic way to not only humanize the monster issue (my first guess was Banshee, honestly), but bring to light the struggles of being overly shy and/or sheltered. Limestone is appropriately cheeky and low-key homicidal.
Points as well (not that I keep an actual tally for scoring) for coming up with a very creative bend on the chosen art piece.
So, big fan of everything happening here. Human Pie family, actual mines to work on, austere Amish-style living. Marble being the source of the problem is a fantastic way to not only humanize the monster issue (my first guess was Banshee, honestly), but bring to light the struggles of being overly shy and/or sheltered. Limestone is appropriately cheeky and low-key homicidal.
Points as well (not that I keep an actual tally for scoring) for coming up with a very creative bend on the chosen art piece.
I'm pretty much completely in agreement with >>Posh, except for the note about it being well-paced. That was my biggest issue with the story, honestly... once Sunset kisses Marble (without asking, which is pretty rude and just a bit creepy), it feels like the entire story gets resolved in about a minute. The scene after the dream sequence is especially egregious, with Marble breaking her silence just to give an sad monologue that allows Sunset to then monologue to her. Then everyone is happy and in love. Yay.
That said, the detail about Marble's comic was really cute.
Also, I'm 83.7% sure I know who wrote this.
That said, the detail about Marble's comic was really cute.
Also, I'm 83.7% sure I know who wrote this.
>>Posh said it all. A bit uneven, but I was getting into this piece pretty well, until the not-very-consensual mindscape entry and romance elements came in out of left field.
Cute, but a little creepy, and the juggling act doesn't quiiite keep all the balls in the air. Still a decent effort, high-mid seems about right. Thanks for writing!
Cute, but a little creepy, and the juggling act doesn't quiiite keep all the balls in the air. Still a decent effort, high-mid seems about right. Thanks for writing!
As with others, review-as-reaction to start with during my read through...
Pinkie sounds like Pinkie.
"And bring thy magic horse friend." :-)
“It all started three nights ago.” ... he says, now many pages into the story. Why didn't it start here?
"All in all, she was bored." Kinda feeling ya here, Sunset.
Lawnmower blade as weapon? Porch, hellish screaming, quiet girl... "Cabin in the Woods" with the "Hillbilly Murder Cult" option I think.
"It was a gem!" For a half second, I had this great hope of a Steven Universe crossover! Alas, no.
"Call me Pie"? I'm... ummm, okay. Definitely need to see where this goes.
"Please, kiss me." What? Where's that coming from? Repressed sexual tension of three girls on an amish rock farm/gem mine?
And the little "innocent" girl is coloring something. Yup.
"The little sister you’ve never even thought of..." but who she just kissed. Who's now looking at her chest and blushing. The underage thing here is squicky.
Overall, the core bit, with the monster, the repressed emotions, etc. all hang together really well. The story has far too much intro though which just delays the good parts, and as noted, the underage nature of Marble pie, and the way the kissing and such is portrayed just scream, as >>Posh said, "BAD TOUCH."
Pinkie sounds like Pinkie.
"And bring thy magic horse friend." :-)
“It all started three nights ago.” ... he says, now many pages into the story. Why didn't it start here?
"All in all, she was bored." Kinda feeling ya here, Sunset.
Lawnmower blade as weapon? Porch, hellish screaming, quiet girl... "Cabin in the Woods" with the "Hillbilly Murder Cult" option I think.
"It was a gem!" For a half second, I had this great hope of a Steven Universe crossover! Alas, no.
"Call me Pie"? I'm... ummm, okay. Definitely need to see where this goes.
"Please, kiss me." What? Where's that coming from? Repressed sexual tension of three girls on an amish rock farm/gem mine?
And the little "innocent" girl is coloring something. Yup.
"The little sister you’ve never even thought of..." but who she just kissed. Who's now looking at her chest and blushing. The underage thing here is squicky.
Overall, the core bit, with the monster, the repressed emotions, etc. all hang together really well. The story has far too much intro though which just delays the good parts, and as noted, the underage nature of Marble pie, and the way the kissing and such is portrayed just scream, as >>Posh said, "BAD TOUCH."
Hrm.
I feel like Gem isn't really explained enough. We get some handwavy about 'equestrian magic' and emotions, and that seemed like mostly it, which feels weak to me, even in-universe. I think you're missing an opportunity to add kick to your mindscape scene by leaving this unaddressed; after all, if Sunset figures something out about what's going on, I'd like to know how; and I feel like elements should tie together more tightly than they do? Unless I missed something important.
Other people have covered the shipping aspects here better than I could hope to. I'll admit, I was a bit iffy about that aspect, although I didn't have quite as strong a reaction as some seem to have had. It just seemed more... unlikely than actually wrong, maybe? Dunno of that makes sense. :/
There's a lot to like here. I just wish it all pulled together a bit more snugly.
I feel like Gem isn't really explained enough. We get some handwavy about 'equestrian magic' and emotions, and that seemed like mostly it, which feels weak to me, even in-universe. I think you're missing an opportunity to add kick to your mindscape scene by leaving this unaddressed; after all, if Sunset figures something out about what's going on, I'd like to know how; and I feel like elements should tie together more tightly than they do? Unless I missed something important.
Other people have covered the shipping aspects here better than I could hope to. I'll admit, I was a bit iffy about that aspect, although I didn't have quite as strong a reaction as some seem to have had. It just seemed more... unlikely than actually wrong, maybe? Dunno of that makes sense. :/
There's a lot to like here. I just wish it all pulled together a bit more snugly.
>>billymorph
Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.
">>Xepher
"The little sister you’ve never even thought of..." but who she just kissed. Who's now looking at her chest and blushing. The underage thing here is squicky.
Marble is Pinkie's twin sister. Stated in "Hearthbreakers."
Pinkie Pie: This is Marble Pie, my baby sister who's only a few minutes younger than me but she'll always be a baby to me, isn't that right?
Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.
">>Xepher
"The little sister you’ve never even thought of..." but who she just kissed. Who's now looking at her chest and blushing. The underage thing here is squicky.
Marble is Pinkie's twin sister. Stated in "Hearthbreakers."
Pinkie Pie: This is Marble Pie, my baby sister who's only a few minutes younger than me but she'll always be a baby to me, isn't that right?
>>Novel_Idea
I remember the phrase "baby sister" but not the "few minutes younger" bit. Even at the same age as Pinkie though, that's still high school, whereas Sunset is a fair bit older, having been Celestia's former student before Twilight, and Twilight having been her student since "magic kindergarten," implying that Sunset's been in high school (or at least the human world) since before Twilight had her entrance exam. That suggests Sunset is at least 10 years older, making a relationship with a literal underage high-schooler "inappropriate" by human standards.
Yes, I know timelines here are fuzzy at best, and so my headcanon (with Sunset being 30) isn't neccessarily what the author had going, but... from my reading of it, we've got the "Twilight" (the horrible vampire movie) thing going on. Dude in that is a magic creature and LOOKS like a high-schooler, and even goes to school, but is really a hundred years old, making him a statutory rapist. Sunset's been "in high school" or at least the human world, for like 10-12 years.
How do you do, fellow kids?
Now, I'm not saying the author did this on purpose or anything. Headcanon varies a lot, especially with fuzzy things like ages, so they probably had a totally different read on it. But the story itself uses phrasing like "little sister" and, combined with Marble's overly shy/innocent (some might say "childlike") attitude, it just feels like it's a little risqué.
I remember the phrase "baby sister" but not the "few minutes younger" bit. Even at the same age as Pinkie though, that's still high school, whereas Sunset is a fair bit older, having been Celestia's former student before Twilight, and Twilight having been her student since "magic kindergarten," implying that Sunset's been in high school (or at least the human world) since before Twilight had her entrance exam. That suggests Sunset is at least 10 years older, making a relationship with a literal underage high-schooler "inappropriate" by human standards.
Yes, I know timelines here are fuzzy at best, and so my headcanon (with Sunset being 30) isn't neccessarily what the author had going, but... from my reading of it, we've got the "Twilight" (the horrible vampire movie) thing going on. Dude in that is a magic creature and LOOKS like a high-schooler, and even goes to school, but is really a hundred years old, making him a statutory rapist. Sunset's been "in high school" or at least the human world, for like 10-12 years.
How do you do, fellow kids?
Now, I'm not saying the author did this on purpose or anything. Headcanon varies a lot, especially with fuzzy things like ages, so they probably had a totally different read on it. But the story itself uses phrasing like "little sister" and, combined with Marble's overly shy/innocent (some might say "childlike") attitude, it just feels like it's a little risqué.
I don't really have much to add to any of the above. The big core issue is that the meat of the story, as it is presented (the "monster") is over in a flash. If that's not the actual core of the story, I think you need to shift the presentation of things around to make it clearer that the interactions between Sunset and Marble are really intended to be the meat of the story, while gemmy is our potatoes.
Also reading this and Hazards so close to each other was kinda weird.
Also reading this and Hazards so close to each other was kinda weird.
>>AndrewRogue
Besides the similar subject matter, Sunset's characteristics and quirks are so similar across both stories that I'd swear they were written by the same author.
Also reading this and Hazards so close to each other was kinda weird.
Besides the similar subject matter, Sunset's characteristics and quirks are so similar across both stories that I'd swear they were written by the same author.