I have a novel in heavy editing, a game project, family and a dozen other things going on.

Why have I already decided to do this? I need a dang intervention.

Okay, so let's see how my first attempt at jumping into this madness goes...

Let's see if I can make this happen.

The beginning of this story felt… too thick, I guess is the best explanation. Especially considering that this is an action scene, the sentences are simply too long. In fact, I’m not even sure the first paragraph is needed, because the second has the appropriate feeling of an action scene. And the further I get in… it almost seems as if it was done by another author entirely.

And now that I’ve actually finished it… well… that was bucking terrifying. And horrifying. And… a lot of other things. You did quite well with the pacing. I had no idea what was going on until the very end. And now I’ll likely have nightmares about this damn thing for days… Cadance murdered the world, huh? Didn’t see that one coming.

At least Luna could come back… but I guess something like love isn’t quite so easy to fix as a freaking celestial body.

Not my cup of tea, but very well written.

Well, Discworld's Death is definitely getting a workout these days. I think Pratchett would be pleased. I was surprised that I actually ended up liking this. I felt there needed to be a little more context as to what was actually happening, but that may just be me liking to have more context for stories in general.

I'll admit I was surprised Vinyl actually made it to the stage, but I'm also a sucker for romances, so it still works for me. Not really sure what to add... other than that I suddenly have an urge to go read Binky Pie again...

You know, I feel like I should have some deep and meaningful thing to say about this. I'll say you misspelled phoenix a couple times. And this... was... it was...

You know what?

...I got nothin'.

Oooh Boy. Wow. That was… intense. I actually ripped through this entire story in one go. Pacing was top notch. Character description of Sombra was bang-on. I love the idea that he was just a scholar wanting nothing more than to be left alone to do his work… only to get pulled into something far greater and far darker. I admit I may have been shipping Sombra with Sparkle Dust a little. *cough*

The eye chart was a brilliant addition. Frankly, I wasn’t expecting much to come out of this picture, but you blew it out of the freaking water. Wrapped in lore, great characters and a rather… terrifying ending, this one is a fantastic ride from beginning to end.

Holy Celestia that was fantastic. This invoked memories of Eakin's Hard Reset (Also because of time-travel, time-loops and changelings, I suspect). I was literally out of breath at the end of it, since I was practically tearing through pages to find out what happened next. Utterly brilliant. Going straight to my "Top Shelf" folder the moment it goes live on FimFiction.

Characters were spot on. The pacing was fantastic. Magical combat was great (though seriously, what the buck is with ponies practicing combat magic in a library, even if it was a damn dream?!). The only things that threw me was the opening paragraph felt a little too heavy, I thought cutie marks were supposed to buzz when the map summoned a pony and I really, really wanted more shipping. I wonder if that got cut out of time. If so, put it back in there! After all the rest of dark stories, I need some shipping goodness!

Phew. Excellent. This may have just taken #1 on my list.

(All the cool kids are doing this, so might as well try it out.)

Well, for a first-time Writeoff, Path did a hell of a lot better than I expected. Frankly, I was really looking forward to the end of the Prelims so I could put this thing to bed. The very last thing I expected was to making it to the freaking Finals. Especially since a personal bombshell hit me a day before this entire thing started, one I’m still reeling from. Like... life-shaking sort of thing. I’m shocked it came out coherent at all. That weekend was a nightmare in more ways than I can say.

Let’s get the basics out of the way: this concept was not suited for a Writeoff. This was a story that needed way more time than I could afford to give it. In fact, I would have likely done some sort of Philomena story instead, but I wasn’t about to do that Cigar thing. I like Philomena too much to do that to her. But then I stumbled across “A Thousand Years” image and it just screamed for me to tell that story. Then I did what I usually do: discovery write the entire thing with a vague idea of where I wanted to go.

The truth is, I had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while as a sequence of four stories, each from a different race other than ponies. Zecora was the one I wanted to end on… but… well, she was also the only one I had a fleshed out story for without a ton of worldbuilding.

So yeah, all I ended up doing for Zecora’s speech patterns was using a low-tier online rhyming dictionary, and I focused on the last word. This was the first story I’ve done where I didn’t have time to do my standard audible edit, and of course, it’s the story that needed that the most. All I had to do was read the dang thing out loud and I would have been able to fix probably 70-80% of the problems. But… I wasn’t able to.

>>FrontSevens

You seemed to set the tone, ironically. A lot of people just went meh. I’m curious where was the point you stopped reading though. And I wasn’t expecting anyone to tell me a story of mine was “too rich.” I'm actually honored by that!

As for Zecora’s combat… that was an issue I knew going in. I didn’t see Zecora fighting a timberwolf in the traditional manner, and I wanted to stick with the idea I have about timberwolves being feral earth spirits. To stick with the shamanistic style, she wouldn’t fight such things head-on. And the “Catnap Elixir” felt like a cheat… but honestly? I didn’t quite know how to solve that (especially in the word count allotted), but I needed something to highlight the conflict. Hm. Might be worth maybe moving the Zebra fight to the beginning.

>>Posh

Oh. So that's what "the stars will aid her escape" meant.

There’s got to have been stories that have dealt with this before, I just haven’t come across them, but lately that line has been in my head.

(also, hey, it's Starswirl! Not that it matters, really, but... it's Starswirl. Yay?)

Yeah. He needed to be handled differently. I’m not even sure I knew who he was when I first put the figure there.

I also feel like Zecora's rhyming was of inconsistent quality, which is... just one of the hazards of dealing with a whimsical rhyming zebra, I suppose.

...stupid rhyming Zebras.

>>Fenton; >>Posh  - Raven

Dubs pointed it out, but just wanted to make sure it was addressed. Raven is indeed Celestia’s aide (or at least one of them). She’s been a favorite of mine since SaintChoc’s Raven, which pretty much permanently cemented her in my mind as an aide. I’ve thought about her like that for so long, it never even occurred to me that some might not know who she is.

The only catch is I’m not quite sure how to fix that within the confines of the story.

>>Fenton Thank you! Before this comment, I was starting to regret writing the whole thing. :P

>>wYvern What was that thing that engaged you late in the story?

“Eee? Core? Ah?”

This was really cute, though.

Yay! I’m glad folks liked this. I personally thought it was adorable… but what I think and what is isn’t always the same (hell, it’s rarely the same).

>>Rao Thank you! I’m glad I got a few comments. This story really jived for some… really didn’t for others! Well, I guess strong reactions one way or another is good, right?

>>Dubs_Rewatcher Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

>>TheCyanRecluse

I love the way each flashback and labeled, and each one moves backward in time, while the story moves forward.

This was actually a lot of fun. I did several translations into Swahili (and made sure to translate it back and forth to be sure it was the right word) and stayed with that theme, as the words Brenda M. Crichlow used in “Bridle Gossip” were based loosely on the language (since they couldn’t get a translator/coach in there to do it properly). I also have no idea where I came up with the idea for going backward and forward at the same time. Just happened.

>>horizon

Author: I'm afraid that, as a poetry snob, I'm going to have to be the grumpy dissenter here.

The moment I read this, I went “Aw crap. I’m screwed.” I have confessed my sins. Seeing you outdo me in the comment was a painful lesson. You win, you win! ^^;

>>AndrewRogue

I was surprised you didn’t figure out that I wrote it when I asked you about it the other night. ^^;

Anyway, just saying thanks for good feedback (and it was all really solid feedback). I have learned one very important lesson: stay the hell away from Zecora for Writeoffs. And thank you again for being charitable enough to rate this into the finals!

Well... that ended in a supremely disturbing fashion.

Now, it's quite possible that this story is just soaring right over my head, but let's hit the good stuff first. First of all, the characterization was bang-on. Nothing sells me on a story better than getting character voices right. And you did that. Character interactions were also solid, so fantastic job there.

However, a couple things overshadow these wonderful elements. First of all, the concept that simply by dreaming differently, ponies will result in physical transformations. Now, if that power had come from Discord, I could have bought it, but it was pretty expressly stated that it didn't. So the idea that ponies were transforming, ascending, or what-have-you just didn't sit right with me.

Now, I'm sure there's logic to Twilight's dream and I can see the hints of it, but I'm just going to chalk that one up to not being the best at seeing through deeply layered metaphor and give that one a pass.

More than anything though, the ending ends up as this horrific specter looming up over the entire story. I liked the concept that it wasn't archtypes that bound ponies together, but the reverse. That was a brilliant little twist. However, the idea that Twilight suddenly has the ability to petrify Discord using the power of the sun seems like a major break. Now, maybe that's simply because they've transformed into something different, but I wasn't sold on it. (Still, Starlight's line is especially good here).

But dammit, you had to end with that line. That horrible, horrible line. I'm going to be having nightmares of this for weeks.

...and looking over this comment, I realize that you could easily see this as a complete and total win for what you may have been trying to accomplish. I am truly horrified by this story, but I still think it takes too many liberties that it hasn't earned.