>>PinoyPony
Don't be so negative. I thought the fic was cute and funny, even though I felt Twilight's violence needed a little more explanation to make sense. The critique isn't a good measure of enjoyment.

>>Exuno
It has a vagueness-bordering-on-pointlessness to it that is endearing, yes. It's less the kind of story written down in a novel, and more the kind of story that is told from memory by an elderly uncle, with details that were once important but have atrophied in retellings. That is the charm, and I like this one for doing it well enough to hook me.

Pretty much in agreement with what's been said. There's a solid understanding of humor here, and it brought a smile to my face for most of the read; but it's kind of rough in flow on micro and macro ends. A bit more time to smooth it out, and a bit more space to let some of the jokes breathe instead of skip from one to the next, and you have a solid comedy here.

I rather like this. The scene itself looks very pretty. Starlight's stresses are well-conveyed and make her very sympathetic, but agreed that Celestia's actual talk is weak and soapbox-y. The point it's trying to make is nice, but it doesn't do a good enough job of making it to resolve things as nicely as they turn out.

Really hope this gets an expanded version.

With less than a day left in the voting, it's time for another low-review PSA.

The following finalists each have the fewest comments at six each:

38. Clockwork
40. Once, I Had Wings
47. Shooting for the Moon
49. Astronomy
63. Field Trip

Furthermore, A Look Into the Soul (#14) and I'm Sure You Have Some Questions (#55) have seven comments each, and while Errata (#54) has eight, one has been deleted and two others are by the same person.

Well, I'm under the impression that the whole first part is just an introduction to the second. I mean, you have to wait until the second half to really read something relevant to your story. The rest is just a setup to introduce it. I agree with TD here. Why not tell us the story as it happened, rather than packing it into another story which we don't know nothing about?

And the story itself. Yeah, ghost or changeling? It’s a bit tired.

But, on the other hand, the story is pretty neatly written. Journeyman work.

Clearly, kudos for the idea. This is very creative, and that’s what I call a good premise.
The execution is fine too. You manage to pull one on us with the ambiguity on who's on the good/bad side of the grating.
The idea of Celestia having a special link to Chrysalis is the only part of the story I wasn’t really sold on. And since it's the key element of the punchline, it made the whole fic less impactful to me.
So pretty good job here, anyway.

Okay, I liked it, even though the end is a bit sloshy. I especially liked the idea of Luna taking a changeling under her wing. It maybe a nice parable on affirmative action and the limits thereof. But, on the other hand, I feel it was a bit generic. We never got to know what really happened. The changeling failed, but failed what exactly? I understand that in 750 words you may have to choose to redact this from your story, but just a little hint would've been fine.

>>PinoyPony
Hey, please don't worry about it! I see now my critique reads a little like I was expecting perfection or something. I wasn't, and I'm sorry I gave you the impression you needed to apologiseto me because you definitely don't. This is by no means a bad or offensive story. I need to work on how I present my criticisms.

I agree it's hard to know what's been done before. If it makes you feel any better, I wrote a story like this myself, only it was even more predictable (Pinkie and sugar overload, good lord I mean sugar highs aren't even scientifically accurate) and I had no idea how common the idea was before then. Don't sweat it. :)

This is really fun, especially the idea of disposable suns. Kudos for that. However, that’s about the only reference I get. The rest is pretty obscure, so any added craziness you people might get by being familiar with a TV show or something is over my head. Well, we get the impression that the lead is a bit easily found, but, apart from this, we really get the wacky humour here. Good job.

I hear post-mortems are traditional round here, and I'm feeling weird enough to critique myself, so here goes.

Thanks for the comments: >>Trick_Question , >>Ceffyl_Dwr , >>FanOfMostEverything , >>Baal Bunny , >>Monokeras, >>Morning Sun . I have this problem of coming up with stories and never actually writing them, so I thought it was better to at least try to get the idea out than sit on it until it rots.

The idea of the Friendship Express being the only train in Equestria has come to me before, and the underlying theme is that it manages to do so by draining pony magic through bodily contact, but the ponies quickly become so delirious that they think they really are friends with it and that nothing is amiss. That obviously didn't come across, but I haven't thought it through entirely either, so it's not like I blame anyone for that.

I ran up against the word count in a big way. I guess as always the lesson is that you shouldn't try to tell a bigger story in a minific (and that editors/pre-readers are the best). I deliberately sacrificed establishing what was going on in order to reach a conclusion, although I wasn't especially aiming to be ethereal, but I see that didn't go down well. I either need to learn to cut down to the heart of the story or stop writing minifics.

I'd do it differently if I did it again. Unfortunately, the only time I seem to produce any content at all these days is with a Writeoff deadline over my head.

Cheers.

>>Astrarian
If it's any consolation, I'd be first in line to read an expanded version of this, should you wish to ever impose a fictitious timeline over your head/pokes to facilitate it. Some aspects of what you were trying to achieve must have, I think, come through at some level, because your explanation didn't feel like a big revelation to me. Take some encouragement from that.

Plus, I liked the use of Canterbury. I've used that one myself before.

I don't think it's a question of not attempting a bigger story in minific form. This is the first time I've written something so small in such a short time period, and I have to say that it is a battle of judgement as much as it is a battle with words. Given time, your judgement will probably improve, and the clarity and representation of content outside of the parameters of your minific will too. It's just a different beast, is all.

>>Astrarian
Given what you were going for, I'd love to read a full-length version of this. Plus, you can see if a self-imposed deadline helps motivate you. Or even an externally imposed one if you ask someone else to check on you past a certain point.

Georg’s second Round Micro Reviews for the new stories on my slate In Over Your Head: Scores are letter grades for Plot, Technical Work, and Characterization mushed together, with an E for stories I find particularly Enjoyable. Ranked by how I like them, not necessarily how perfect they are on the score. (and posted all at once, from top to bottom so they line up on the chat.) It’s the last minute (again), so I need to get reading. (Darned real world)

E - Winter’s Crown —- A+ — Three mortals set off to kill a god. Excellent descriptions, motives and characterizations (for the short length) done three times over. Top tier.

Clockwork — A+ — A couple of grammar nits, and I’m not sure you want the timeline put in that fashion, but excellent work. The clock is a descriptive thing of beauty, and to have it just crunch… Let’s say I empathize with the POV character. Wonderful characterization.

The Sphinx — A+ — Nothing dingable, and very believable Daring Do. Falling rocks do displace air and can cause multi-ton equipment in a coal mine to be thrown around like matchsticks during a cave-in. I do find it odd that a sphinx that size eats *around* the bones, unless she just needs decorations. Interesting that a sphinx would want *not* to do the thing DD most fears, but knowing somebody’s goals is exposing a weakness. And at the end, it appears DD is willing to use that exposed weakness not to hurt the creature, but to offer it help. Quality behind the scenes work.
>>Monokeras
So would a group of Sphinges be a Press Conference?

...I'll see myself out.

Interrogation — A+ — Fits my Twilight/Shiny headcanon, but might not others. To get the humor, you play Twilight up to 11, which may come off as Filly Tyrant to some. I agree that the donut run was overkill, and could have been damped with a short back and forth.
“And, I want to go to Donut Joe’s.”
“No.” Shining yawned. “Too late. One cookie from downstairs.”
“Three,” declared Twilight.
“One,” insisted Shiny.

They compromised on three.

The Apprentice — A+ — Yep, that’s Equestria, all right. “Look out! He’s got a pie!” Just the right blend of silly and sappy to make it stand out, and the ‘straight out of school’ hostage negotiator is only made better by being straight out of Elementary school. Wonderful concept, done well. If I have any nits, the descriptions need to be smoothed out and the characters touched up just a bit.

Data Doesn’t Lie — A — Another cute filly Twilight story. My kryptonite. I’m looking forward to this one being expanded too, because little things in it show snip marks to squeeze it down to 749 words, such as lack of a scene description for the last portion, or any more actions from Princess Celestia other than simply existing. Very nice work, and Dawwww….

Too Close For Comfort — A — Ugg. Punch to the gut with the last line. Very good, with only a few grammar nits to pick. It’s hard to get a dramatic serious piece in a minific because of wordcount, BUT you ran smack into the word limit with this one. It was hard to tell, because it was engrossing enough that it zipped past, seeming like a shorter story. Certainly will be in the top ten.

Love, Or Something Like It — A — Poor Spike. Will he ever get the mare of his dreams? Or is he just going to be stuck dreaming. Existential dread does not sell well for me, so I’m grading this one a little harder than expected. Technically and structurally very high marks, and I’m looking forward to seeing this expanded into a full length story.

Stoic — A — You go to war with the army you have, not the one you wish you had. A group of unprepared soldiers meets the changeling host. Very good job pulling us into the POV character, written right up against his skin. Darnit, this is another example of why the second phase of judging is far harder than the first. They’re all good, making it difficult to figure out better from best.

Epic Rhyme Battle of Equestria — B+ — As much as I want to praise the author for taking up the difficult task of a poetic writeoff (and I know how hard that is), the rhyming is fairly forced and frequently totally jarring. The ‘suspension of disbelief’ you draw around yourself while reading never even showed up.

A Thany Mendored Spling — B — Interesting concept and wonderful descriptions, but totally blitzed by the swarm of characters. Even though this is Discord, and each abstract concept given voice does not *directly* correspond to a particular emotion/state/cookie, spelling them out a little and keeping them distinct, possibly even thinning the herd out might help.

Hey >>Ceffyl_Dwr, just had mine today. :pinkiehappy:

Best wishes for you and yours!

Out of all the finalists I've read, I find this one the weakest. The idea of discussing the stars and how they move is interesting, but these explanations don't really do much to allow us to understand the characters any better. Spike is still Spike, Twilight is still Twilight, and there's nothing more to it; no revelations, no observations, nothing that enhances their character. I'm not sure I'd call the story "pointless", but I certainly don't feel like any really interesting narrative ideas were explored here. Maybe this would work better if the prompt could be longer, allowing to balance out the discussion with more character moments, but as is, it just feels like I was given a lecture about the stars instead of a story about them.

As much as I love stories about Dragons in Equestria, I thought this story was kind of weak. There certainly is a decent melancholy feel over the piece, but the fact of the matter is that this only comes about because Spike explains it to us. Other than the tomb description, almost all of the story is done through exposition and little to no environmental feel.

Also, this story has the weird handicap of being both too specific and too vague. Practically everything that led to these events is explained, but some things are curiously left out. Things like why Twilight blames Spike or the precise nature of Ember's demise are left out, despite being integral for the circumstances for Ember's death to occur. You'd think Spike would be pondering these thoughts, yet they're never really expounded upon. It feels too selective, making the story more frustrating than the intended tearjerker.

Interesting idea, but it either needs to be expanded or retooled.

I think this story was actually pretty decent. Having Octavia start visualizing a hated rival while playing her music is an interesting concept, and I think the execution is done pretty swell until about the last third. There, the dream becomes too specific, telling us exactly who this stallion is and why he sucks. The story had such a nice dreamlike feeling before that it's a bit of a shock to suddenly be hit with this unsubtle diatribe against the stallion. If that last part was revised (sans the ending), I think this would be a pretty solid fic.

The word I think of when I think about this fic is "substantial": It does what it sets out to do fairly competently, and nothing more. No new characterization, no deep narrative, just a good rib-tickler about why Celly and Luna don't go on vacations. There certainly were a few good jokes here ("And Luna too" and "Clopernicus" being my favorites), and it does a decent job of building to an equally insane climax. I wasn't laughing hard, but I certainly chuckled a few times. In that sense, I suppose it's perfectly fine.

This one was a lot of fun to read. The idea of little Twily being such a demanding and powerful little sister is an idea I've seen before, but this one took it to the absolute extreme and that made this fic so much better. I always enjoy comedies that are funny, but also slightly disturbing in their implications. The idea that Flurry Heart may become just like her aunt is simultaneously hilarious and horrifying, and is the absolutely perfect note to end on. A solid fic all in all.

(Also, I really thought the second part was going to involve Twilight breaking into the Crystal Palace to make Shining read her a story. Thank heavens the author is much nicer than I would be.)

I like the idea of Starlight not participating all that much, especially with the explanation of how the Butterfly Effect really messed up the timestream last time. It just further solidifies the idea that Starlight, while hateful toward the Mane 6, didn't want any other ponies to share in the pain she was reserving for the gang. That in of itself shows how she actually could be reformed, as there had to be some goodness left in her to do her turnaround. I also liked the idea that Starlight went to Celestia, given how she has never antagonized her in the past with her last 2 shenanigans. It sort of made Celestia feel more impartial, and I think that served the story well.

If there's one problem I have with this, it's that the ending feels kind of forced. The idea that looking at one sunset somehow causes her to revoke her secluded ways felt like a stretch. I guess you could argue it was the combination of Celestia's words and the sunset, but I still think that's a little too much of a contrived coincidence. By all means, end the story with Starlight hopeful, but make it either a little less obvious or a little more creative. Other than that, this was a fine fic.

I enjoyed this one. The idea of a pony who returned from a thousand years ago and is trying to make his mark on the new world he's in was a great concept, as well as the idea that he's a bit of an egotist who is forced to confront failure for the first time in a long while. But he's not arrogant to the point of unlikability, and that makes his breakdown and Cadence's comforting all the more poignant. I think it makes the fic feel more whole than some others I've read for this contest, and other than maybe describing some of the clock's interior a little more, I wouldn't change much about it.

This was one of the better comedic fics I've read for this contest. I think one of the main reasons is that the twist of the rhyming actually being a curse is simultaneously funny and terrifying. As I said earlier, I always like stories like this that have that kind of dark comedy to it. The rhymes themselves were pretty decent, sort of halfway between being forced and flowing naturally (appropriate, given that one of the rhymers has to do it and the other is a novice). If anything, I'd say that the reason Zecora and Pinkie start their rhyme-off needs to be stronger; as is, it just feels like Pinkie happened upon it by chance and that it was more of an excuse than an inciting incident. Other than that, a darkly funny fic.

One of the great risks of stories like this is that the characters either overreact or don't react enough to the silliness going on around them, making the tale feel a little too artificial. Here though, there was a perfect balance, with the ponies treating the pies and donuts dead seriously, while simultaneously treating a little filly who broke up a playground scuffle as the next true crimestopper. It's a tenuous rope, but this story walked it flawlessly. Definitely one of the best comedic fics in this round.

Out of all the stories in this contest, I feel like this one was the most able to tell a long tale in just a few words, showing Beacon's rise and eventual descent during his post. It uses every word it can and squeezes as much emotion as it can out of them. I also liked the very dreamlike quality the story had; everything is seen, but is also very vague. We know what's happening, but we can only dimly visualize it, like how many of us remember our dreams.

Finally, I enjoyed how the ending can be interpreted both happily and sadly. Sadly because, if you know about the legends of mermaids, he probably leaped to his death through her gentle coaxing. Happy because you feel like he's going to assuage his loneliness once and for all. This is difficult for most stories to pull off, but this one does it in flying colors.

Marvelous, just marvelous.

I actually really dug this story. Having just recently done a college paper about the Sphinx in Greek legend, this certainly had me reflecting on the original tale more than I probably would have. The Sphinx being a lonely creature who just wants to befriend someone, yet just eating all who come to meet her because they don't know what she wants is such a sad idea. It certainly adds a different level of interpretation to the character, and for that, I like this story.

That ending was great, by the way. Perfect recognizance of the beauty from the beast.

This is one of the strongest fics of the prompt for me. The tension, the delivery, the characterizations...they're all so brief, but they do so much to build this world up. It actually made me quite sad when they were bushwhacked, something not many other stories are able to do in such limited word-space. The cyclic nature of how the soldier "feels nothing" at both the beginning and ending is a brutally dark reprise, yet still feels like it fits within the terms of the story. Not the happiest story of this bunch, but still one of the best.

I always enjoy stories like this that start off one way, but end in another. We think we're about to get some softcore clop, when WHAM! It suddenly turns into a psychological horror with the latter half. I always enjoy a bit of genre deception, and I think that's what makes this story so strong. Starting off so normally allows us to get immersed, making the story's final revelations hit us even harder. Poor Spike; maybe he'd have been better off without the truth.

Such a brutal, brutal story, but a damn good one.

I love the idea of how Twilight's innovation for strengthening friendships unintentionally brings down the mare who pushed her to do it. It's a dark version of "hoist by their own petard" that I think works for the most part. I also enjoyed how the innovation has so adversely affected everypony that not even Celestia and Twilight trust each other enough to not look at the threads when they talk. Sometimes our friends don't need to know everything about us, and this story goes to show why this is. A sad, but well-told tale.

Wow, that was dark. Not in the bad way, either; I could see Twilight being distraught over killing Tirek, given the nature of her studies and care put towards friendship. Just goes to show that the Batman rule of "Don't kill your enemies" is all the more important in Equestria. Despite how we like to joke, death doesn't come cheap in Equestria and it's going to affect somepony. This story not only shows how, but why this is. For that, I give it a solid review. Not the most pleasant to read, but it certainly shows why death isn't always the answer.

Man, this one really hit my feels. Though the ending is a bit weak, I think the overall idea behind the piece is a fascinating one. I always love stories about renegade Changelings trying to live amongst Equestrians without malice, and I think this one executed the concept fairly competently. I also enjoyed the fact that Luna was the one that related this much to the Changeling; after all, both have made mistakes in the past and she herself had to work to win ponies' trust again. It just makes sense in a narrative sense, and I love it for that. A sad and sweet fic.

This was the funniest story I read for this prompt. Having played a fair amount of Carmen Sandiego, the jokes that referenced the games were hysterical to me (the warrant one was the best). I also loved how increasingly insane the story gets, with Celestia being a sun-thief and Rainbow bursting into Acapella. Just a solid comedic fic through and through.

I can say with no exaggeration that this was my favorite story out of this competition. It's a slow-burning ghost story that doesn't even reveal it is a ghost story until the last few lines, and it's a horrifying one if it is just a story. The build-up is phenomenal, turning a simple camping trip into a horror that, for once, isn't a monster or serial killer stalking them in the woods. I also loved how the story misdirects us in the beginning, making us think this'll be a Scooby-Doo shenanigan story, but then suddenly morphs into an ungodly creepy tale. Like I said earlier, I love stories that do this, and I think it was particularly effective here.

A solid horror fic. 9/10

>>Monokeras
Personally, I think that first part is important to understanding the second part. Without the framing, I don't think the story would've had as much impact as it did. Putting the tale so far in the past makes the implications more terrifying, as it makes any revelations realized now obsolete, as the thing that may or may not be her brother has usurped his role regardless. You probably could do it straight without the framing, but I think the framing makes it all the more impactful.

Also, I didn't interpret the "thing" as being a Changeling or a ghost. I just thought of it as being it's own thing, given that the sparse description of it didn't really tip me off to it being anything specifically like a ghost or Changeling. Maybe I missed something, but I didn't think of it as being "tired"; I thought it fit the story just fine.

Welp, time to hay the hit...

One last thing, if anybody is up this late...
I had my first go at guessing, would it be bad if some were wild on just on a hunch? Some of my guesses are based on author preferences, introvert/extrovert analysis, and a variety of other factors (if that makes anyone feel better, yes, lots of these are just speculations).

What I am asking really is that "Is it against the rules/deviant to take wild guesses because it counts as spam?"
Lemme know, so I don't do anything stupid in the future. :twilightsmile:

>>PinoyPony
I wanted to turn this answer into a multiple unrelated message, but it seems it's impossible.

No worries. I didn't feel your message was particularly putting me down. You've the right to state your opinions and I'm happy you spoke up what you thought. While I agree that pointless bluntness doesn't really home in, mincing words doesn't really work either when you want a review to be profitable.

So thanks for that, and I hope to be able to write and publish the final version before this weekend.

>>CoffeeMinion
Woo! Hearty congratulations to you and your family. Chuffed for you.

And thanks. Still waiting, but I don't think it'll be very long now.

>>horizon

Ironically, despite living in America, I make an effort to use "meters" etc. in pony stories, because Equestria has always felt like a utopia to me, and any country that well-run should have a unit system that makes goddamn sense.

Okay. Next time I shall use the metric system and avoid those stupid blunders. On the other hand, if I read a fic where ponies put on two kilometer bangles, then I will know who wrote it! :P

>>FanOfMostEverything
This does not have nearly enough likes. I can't formulate my opinions any more clearly than this, and it is way past my bedtime, so... ditto.

This is absolutely perfect. Brilliant humor that comes from natural and honest characterization, spot-on smooth voicing, and a decent side of Rarijack.

I absolutely loved this. It has the tepid moralizing of "Killing is always bad!!" and manages to present it in a well-balanced and resonant way?

I love the idea of Twilight keeping her own notes this way, and trying to simultaneously correct the official record, but being too torn-up about it try and express these feelings to a public that's obviously going to disagree with them. Likewise, the tone of voice is slightly erratic, changing from blasé to self-depreciative to somber; but I think that really fits the emotional arc that one goes through when trying to talk about something like this.

I also like how it just ends, after Twilight's vented a bit and is ready to go back to being a reasonable and well-adjusted pony.

Basically, it's totally perfect for me, and if weren't for my stupid weakness to really smooth dialogue this would be at the top of my slate.

I thought this was a really silly jaunt that accomplished exactly what it wanted to, and I enjoyed the ride. Unfortunately most of the things that make it succeed at being an absurd little reference piece also make it... not an entirely satisfying general story, so I can't bring myself to rate it too highly.

I'm not sure I can rate this story fairly, just because it involves solid Spike and Twilight talking to each other and I am so utterly starved for that. Thank you so much for allowing them to have their cute ambiguously-familial relationship.

The actual content of the conversation was okay but nothing special; but the fic is entirely carried by the tone it set, and I think you did a great job at that.

>>PinoyPony
The first round we had guessing, I put Cold in Gardez down as writing every fic. I think you're fine. ;)

Oh, man. Big fan of this. Obviously I'm always a sucker for text-in-text, as well as stories told through footnotes. Throw in some great voicing for Twilight, some wonderfully beautiful prose, and the fact that I'm a supremely stubborn pacifist (I sometimes think the show is too violent as is), and this is just lovely. Immediate fave if it hits FiMFiction.

It took me a second read-through to understand that Radiant Dawn was just Flurry Heart with a different name (at least, I think that's who she is). Not quite sure how killing Torek would induce that change, considering Flurry Heart is named so because of her own massive power. Is it meant to be statement on Twilight waking up? Like, the new child combined with Twilight waking up is a radiant dawn? The whole mention of the child seems a bit forced to me.

This was nice, although I don't think there's any point in keeping a secret about who's in the cell (assuming the "reveal" about who's in the cell is meant to be a twist of some sort). It seems irrelevant to anything else in the fic.

Some nice prose ("leaving a blaze of fire which turned Dry Roast’s face a crimson red and left his tail sticking straight out behind him" was my fave). Very cute. Not much substance, but cute. I'd love to see this continued. Does Twilight even remember doing this?

I wasn't the biggest fan of this, although I see why others like it. Nothing pulled me in. All I really wanted was to hear more about our main character's personality, and how the lighthouse worked. Didn't have much interest in the swapo noes.

It did make me realize, however, that I want to read an OF fic about a lighthouse keeper.

Not a big fan of this one, either. I didn't see much point. I also agree with Haze's comment up above that I didn't get anything until the second half, and FoME's comment about saving the reveal. Having the CMC invade Celestia's office to bicker is funnier than them bickering in a void.

The end to the first scene was funny. The end to the second... not so much. I'm not a big fan of innuendo or "Hiding sex from kids by explaining it in humorous ways" stories (there's a lot of them), so this was already a hard sell for me.

After the first section, I thought the fic was gonna be an "Avatar: the Last Airbender"-style story about someone whose only power is death being jealous of someone who can give life.

Then the second section came, and I thought it was gonna be about taking things for granted (like Rainbow with her flight).

Then Spike came and... I dunno.

I don't get the point this story is trying to drive home. Unless it's a Red Bull advert. Then I get you so hard.


(I think the second section would be stronger if we were ever told what flying means to Twilight; right now, we're only told that Rainbow doesn't understand what it means to fly, and are left guessing as to what it really means)

HAH! This amused me. I've always missed the pilot episode's characterization of Spike as a innocently naïve child, and I appreciate this fic's attempt to emulate that. Also, Galla Leo—yes. A great moral, too.

Interesting. like the idea of Luna taking on a changeling student. Makes sense that she'd see the best in someone no one else does.

Oooph! Poor Spike!

Having him actually kill the changeling seems a bit harsh, but he does say it was an accident... The twist at the end with how he knew it wasn't really Rarity...Heartbreaking and very nicely done.

Hmmm.. I like the idea, but as is this just isn't working for me. I can't quite see ponies being trained to suppress their feelings like this... And I can't see them being stupid enough to believe it would work. You do an excellent job of getting into the soldier's heads... But that just makes it more obvious that this method could never possibly work.

Now, if you had framed it as soldiers who have been given a potion, or a magical artifact, or some other items which (mostly) suppresses their emotions... with some inevitable side effects and a less than 100% success rate, I would have found it more believable..

Okay, while I personally question the sanity of inviting a creature that has, personally, killed and eaten enough of my kind to fill a graveyard to come along with my when I leave it's lair... It does seem like a very pony thing to do. So, thumbs up for being clever, insightful, and in character.

Well, this was... interesting. The chaotic nature certainly fits Discord... But it's also a bit too chaotic and difficult to follow and comprehend. At first, heck, halfway through I thought this story was about the after math of Discord winning and breaking the universe! (And thus spent quite a bit of time trying to match the voices up too the mane six... which made it even more confusing when they switched around... O.o )

It definitely get's points for creativity, and for the amusing twist at the end... But it looses a couple for being a bit too random and incomprehensible.

Whoa. Mood whiplash! I'm going to agree with everyone else.. The beginning was good and a nice setup, but the second half went less funny and more serious / unpleasant... I don't find the second half to be 'squicky' as someone mentioned... We don't know where, why, or how RD ended up chatting with Cadence, or what her prank was intended to be... If was even planning a prank! She might have run into Cadence by chance, and decided to joke around...

And while there were some funny bits and lines in the second half... 'bodacious babe' heh.... It just came off as far too heavy, as opposed to the lighthearted comedy of the first half...

Truthfully, I expected the story to end with Shining Armor returned to his proper body... in some strange, humorous circumstances... Left trying to dig himself out of whatever hole Rainbow (accidentally?) left him in... ;>

Well, I'm running out of time, so my reviews shall be briefer than normal, but just as sadly unhelpful. ;>

Entertaining. Like everyone else, I think the donut run was a bit excessive. And the ending... Eh, I'm not quite sure it was necessary... And besides, I'm sure Twilight couldn't have been that much of a tyrant to her parents, could she? Her older, doting brother I can totally see, but not so much for mom and dad...

Still, (tyrannical) filly Twilight is both adorable and entertaining. ;>

Well, I'm running out of time, so my reviews shall be briefer than normal, but just as sadly unhelpful. ;>

Very interesting idea. I like it.

I kinda assumed that it was Twilight in the cell (and was rather wondering why, and how imprisoning her helps anyone... It certainly won't help her undo the spell...) But reading other reviews, I can see how it might be Celestia in the cell...

Though when I saw the tie to Chrysalis, my first thought was that they were family in some fashion. (I guess I've been reading a few too many stories where it turns out that Chrysalis is actually Celestia and Luna's sister.)

This does seem like the sort of idea that could be much better addressed in a full sized fic however. It has some very interesting consequences, which can only be touched upon in such a limited format.

Well, I'm running out of time, so my reviews shall be briefer than normal, but just as sadly unhelpful. ;>

Okay, I found this brilliant and hilarious. There were so many points where I thought to myself "Hey, wait, that isn't quite right!" where the next paragraph or sentence suddenly clarified it and made me think "Oh yeah. Never mind. That totally fits." Thumbs up!

>>horizon
:P :P :P

16th, huh? I'll take it. But egad, do I feel stupid for some of those typos and missed slip-ups. My lack of attention to detail has been killing me lately. I mean, seriously, did I really put in "million years"? And how the hey did I miss that I wrote "millennia" instead of "millennium"? I wouldn't be the least surprised if those slips didn't cost me two or three ranks.

If anything struck me as odd, though, it's how certain people developed some wild ideas out of something so very simple. Even with the mistakes, I would think that the intention was clear. Apparently not. Just goes to show that you can't assume the audience will look at things the way they are supposed to, no matter obvious the writer thinks it is. For those of you confused, he's just a famous clockmaker who spent the last thousand years sealed away like the rest of the Crystal Empire, and who wants to remind ponies of his existence through his work.

And because it got brought up: yes, his clock has a seconds hand. This was meant to be a subtle reflection of how things have changed over the last thousand years, because modern clocktowers (at least in real life that I know of) don't have that third hand.

Whelp, really did not think I'd finish eighth. Figured I'd get eighth to last or something like that. Anyway, restrospect!

So, the basic idea of this was that it takes place right before the fires of friendship get lit. Pretty much every track, magic, weapons, armies, and so on have failed against the windigos, but despite all this, the three of them form up a team to try and kill them. Logically, conventional weapons fail and they promptly begin to get consumed by the winter. The general idea was that the windigos overwhelmed them, at least at the end of this scene, because they still could feed off of hatred (something that was definitely lost), and that when they're being consumed, the three of them just talk before they die. The rest is history.

Windigos, and monsters in general, are a fascinating topic to write about for me, mostly because I think that the truly terrifying ones are the ones that mirror us to a certain extent. That's the main reasons I ended up finding myself writing about the windigos. I think they represent something truly horrific in Equestria, a land that emphasizes trust, friendship and working together as one. The windigos are, in my opinion, the antithesis of said principle- a manifestation of the apathy and hatred the tribes had for one another.

The story itself has been a concept I've been toying with for ages, i.e. killing immortals. I considered doing this with Discord originally, but then realized that given that I had three, four hours at max, that'd require a lot more work-around with OCs and such than I had time to do. As such, I decided to make use of the show's resources, adapting an old tale and setting this story just before the conclusion of that tale, which allowed me to focus on emphasizing the sheer terror of the windigos' magic and winter.

>>Trick_Question The decisions for focusing mainly on those the windigoes had claimed vs the living was one that I toyed with for a little while, but at the end, I wanted to hammer home the sense of not many options being left. The basic idea was that the windigos' victory was nigh complete, and that's why things look so grim for Pansy, Clover and Cookie. As for side-canon and the like, I don't really have access to that kind of information, so I mostly just roll with what the show hands me, using whatever else I happen to stumble upon in my madness.

>>TheCyanRecluse>>FanOfMostEverything Glad you two liked it. Although I never really realized that this really qualified as 'classic fantasy' (although now I'm going to start doing so, because I love classic fantasy).

>>Baal Bunny I didn't realize that the story could be viewed as combat being what stopped the windigos until you pointed it out. I'll be honest, my basic concept was more along the lines of even violence failing, and then they just talk before they die, and that's what triggers the fire. My idea was to take the moment before the scene everyone knows, and try to tell a story how it would have been for them in the final minutes or so.

>>Ceffyl_Dwr>>Monokeras Blegh. Resolution. I knew I forgot something. Had I possessed another three hundred words (which, incidentally, is enough for this to hit Fimfic), I would have almost certainly included the moment the windigos beat them, and a bookend with the beginning. A bookend was actually in the original conception, but either I was dumb enough to not include it or too sleepy to remember. Really glad that the story could manage without it for now.

>>TitaniumDragon>>Exuno Not really sure what to add. Given the content and the wordcount, I can definitely see that side of the argument. Historical fiction and the like suffer from this a lot in my opinion, because as long as you know the event it's set during, you have a basic understanding of what'll happen. The same rings true for stories set during historical events in Equestria.

>>georg georg gave me a really positive review. I can die happy.

Firstly, thank you so much >>FanOfMostEverything, >>Rolo, >>Icenrose, >>Haze, >>Trick_Question, >>The_Letter_J, >>Morning Sun, >>CoffeeMinion, >>Monokeras, >>libertydude, >>Dubs_Rewatcher, >>horizon and >>TheCyanRecluse. That was a hell of a lot of comments to get through, and I'm really chuffed that there is so much in them for me to take away and reflect on/learn from. I really appreciate you being so constructive. I still don't know if I'm going to expand on this one for FiMFiction, but if I do I have no doubts that your feedback will make it a stronger piece of work. :heartfeltgilda:

I think the biggest victim of the restrictive word count was clarity, and most of the elements that were either cut or merely hinted at have been noticed and highlighted. There was an attempt to give the piece some ambiguity, but it is just Celestia imprisoned in the gaol. Luna's strong reaction to Celestia's (correctly implied, horizon) changeling lover is more about how it was kept from her, and how that impacts on their relationship. This was the part that was most cut; I thought it might still stand strong enough, but it does now feel more implicitly, rather than explicitly, stated. The ambiguity about whether Luna's thread related to Celestia or Twilight is a nice bit of ambiguity, but is present more from poor clarity than design, I'm afraid.

I do largely feel that I told a complete story, rather than just presenting a heap of interesting ideas, but I do accept the critiques made in relation to this area, too. Perhaps there could have been greater focus on one or two aspects, rather than the whole kit and caboodle.

Oh, and:

[...]despite the strand connecting them being so dull and lifeless...

:facehoof:

Thanks again to everyone who read, commented and placed the minific. Huge congrats to TheCyanRecluse, and indeed to everyone who finished a story (or two, or three) and got it out there. See you next time, hopefully.

I know I'm late to the party here, but I liked this story, and it was probably my favorite of the round. I liked SS&E's The Numbers Don't Lie, and this reminded me of that in a way. But this was a clever little piece, and I appreciated the reversal and the reveal of Celestia, not Twilight, being the one in jail (though it explained some of the earlier issues).

Though I am curious, though it is far from essential to the story: >>Ceffyl_Dwr

Did Rainbow Dash not break up with Big Mac because she was doing it to be close to be AJ, or for some other reason?

Well, I won. I set a goal, and I achieved it. ERBoE landed me in the finals. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I will be able to better respond to your reviews when I am at home instead of in the break room here at work.

Well, it only took me almost two years to medal again. >>;

Still, I'm glad that folks liked this one.

It was a fairly straightforward story idea, contrasting Rarity and Applejack's reactions to the situation, as well as their sisters' reactions, and of course Rarity's awkward, overly-complicated explanation for just what her innocent little sister walked in on.

Several people commented on the lack of a scene with Scootaloo, but I was worried that doing a Rainbow Dash/Scootaloo scene would stretch the joke too far; the initial contrast between Rarity and Applejack was, I think, sharper than throwing in the Rainbow Dash/Scootaloo scene. I did have it written up in my mind, and may or may not write it, but I'm not sure that adding in a third scene would be too repetitive.

>>Baal Bunny Yeah, I missed that in writing/editing.

Shooting for the Moon (Retrospective)

Thanks to all the reviewers, first off: >>Rolo >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>FanOfMostEverything >>Mordred >>Baal Bunny >>Monokeras >>libertydude >>Dubs_Rewatcher

Now for some comments of my own.

Some ponies hated the last line, and others loved it. I think that line (or one like it) is necessary because it's what the entire story is building towards (Luna entering Kevin's personal space, and Kevin finally breaking), but I'm not sure how to make it less ham-hoofed. Ideas are welcome.

Yeah, I suppose cubicles are too anachronistic for ponies. That's an easy fix.

That's about it, unless anypony has questions.

I'm not sure what to say about this; it seems like a lot of people thought that the final line was exactly the right kind of twist of the knife, which was precisely what I was going for. I do want to flesh this out a bit more with descriptions (Rarity more or less pops into the scene at the end, though that was somewhat intentional, and there's some other bits that could use more description) but I do plan on keeping this short and punchy for FIMFiction.

As Trick noted, the horror element of the changeling being badly burned/killed is there for a reason; the scene isn't meant to be funny, and Spike sending a changeling to Princess Celestia would be jarringly comedic in an otherwise serious story. The body is also there to mislead the audience just a little bit longer, until Rarity shows up, though I suspect most folks will have cottoned on by that point; the larger point, however, is to set up the audience expectation to be subverted at the end.

I'm glad folks liked it, and hopefully folks will enjoy it when it goes up on FIMFiction.

>>TitaniumDragon
Most of your stories in the past have been a little flat for me, but in the last two Writeoffs you've been knocking it out of the park (for me at least). I apparently liked Too Close for Comfort and Bandaged Time more than most readers did.

Although you were already a good writer, I think you've been improving.

>>Trick_Question
My only real comment is that I'm not sure that calling the changeling Kevin is the best choice; combined with the cubicle, it made me think this was a human story early on.

Yep, I’m the author of this fine piece… I mean story. Darnit, the dirty just snuck in thru the back door on this… Ok, I’m not normally this bad with innuendo on stories involving young fillies and older ponies who take them into private areas… Really, the pedo vibe just snuck in while I wasn’t looking, and I had no intention of writing it with anything more than a little sister-big sister relationship. It’s going up on my collection page in a few minutes, just as soon as I get a break.

Anyway, RD takes Scoots to her private thinking (and escaping from prank consequences) spot for a little bit of sisterly bonding. Multiple trees growing together is called inosculation, and it can happen with apple trees, particularly in rubbish heaps where discarded bits of trees get thrown, and since the orchard has spots where the ponies don’t harvest (i.e. the fruit bat area), it was the perfect spot for RD to hide out after pranking Applejack pink. The story is written in two layers, with the top one being the two pegasi enjoying some sisterly bonding (not perverted, as I had originally implied and so many dirty-minded people naturally assumed), and the bottom one being a background event where a totally peeved pink Applejack is looking for a little revenge while RD waits for her to cool off.

It may be a long wait, but Scootaloo is willing to chill in the tree with her hero as long as it takes, and you should admit a little bit of jealousy here too. After all, who among us would not like to spend a lazy summer day in the orchard, chilling with the coolest pony in Equestria.

Chill, dudes
--Georg

The Pony Lord

Firstly, thanks to all of my reviewers: >>Trick_Question >>Baal Bunny >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Mordred >>TheCyanRecluse >>Morning Sun >>Monokeras >>horizon >>Exuno

Now, as for the story itself, the problem has been quite definitively established: I didn't finish the story. Unfortunately, I'd convinced myself I had when submitting it. Scene, maybe. Story, not so much. :/

Still, good to know I have a firm base for expansion. Playing up the species barrier was a lot of fun. Given what we've seen in "Dragon Quest" and "Gauntlet of Fire," a lot of the concepts ponies and humans both take for granted seem bizarre if not outright incomprehensible to dragons. Celestia would seem especially strange to a species accustomed to rulers who command through shouting and geases.

I'll definitely give this one the room it needs. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. See you next month!

Heh. I was actually going to comment on how this felt a bit like Big Princess Week – you only really have one joke here, and you tell it immediately. Everything else is just dry action, attempting to capitalize on emphasising the absurdity of the original point. If the original joke actually hits it out of the park for the reader, this can be great, but if not, the entire thing ends up a bit flat. I think it's clear that's not a killer problem, from the other reactions, but I thought I'd throw in the contrasting opinion.

I'm actually kind of thinking back... was The Contest the same way? I recall enjoying that a lot more. I'm not sure if it actually had more sub-jokes, and inherently clever escalations of the theme, or if the basic premise just clicked much more for me.

Mea Cuppa, Mea Maxima Cuppa.

Confession time: Her Royal Coffee With Sugar is mine, all mine! Buhahahahaha! The idea has been perking (sorry) around in the back of my head ever since I finished Traveling Tutor. I started it with a title of “Twilight’s Unknown Coltfriend” but that was too obvious, then “Twi Ships Who Pass At Night” but that was not very related. A few doodles got dropped, a little bit of coffee slipped into Letters From a Litttle Princess Monster, but nothing really until this prompt came up. After all, there’s nothing more ‘over your head’ than to have the Princess of Friendship become interested in some poor colt, or even worse, if she doesn’t remember sleepwalking to the store.

I didn’t draft, I didn’t sketch, I just typed. Well, and went back through and polished afterwards, but most of this is just the way it flowed out of the coffee pot. Eventually someday it may become part of a longer Coffee Based Ship because I’ve doodled some more parts to it. After all, nothing in Ponyville stays a secret forever. (Below is a hat-tip to Bad Horse, who gave me the idea)

---

“Here you go, ma’am.” Dry Roast floated the foam cup over to the counter and picked up the offered bits. He was tucking them away in the cash register when he became aware of Rarity’s intense scrutiny of the filled cup. “Is something the matter, ma’am?”

“Actually… yes.” Turning to Applejack, Rarity asked, “Darling, do you remember a few days ago when we were having lunch with our dear friend Twilight in the castle, and she mentioned something about all of the places she still had not visited in town, despite having been here for several years?”

“Sure do. Ah remember she didn’t even know nothing about—” Applejack paused and looked quizzically at Dry Roast “—here.”

“Even before they moved to the castle, Spike kept a pot of coffee pot brewing all day,” said Rarity, “but I can distinctly remember one of these cups in her castle kitchen when we were talking.”

“Yeah, you asked about it,” said Applejack. “She claimed she didn’t know nuttin about it, though.”

“Interesting.” Rarity moved closer to the counter and leaned forward, which was a little disturbing, but not nearly as much as the sudden squeal of glee she let out and the abrupt smile which followed. Her horn lit up and a light magical touch brushed across Dry Roast’s face before he could react, but by then it was too late.

“Applejack, do you see this?” Something hovered in Rarity’s magic between the two mares, a very small and nearly impossible to see object that even Applejack seemed to be having trouble with. “It’s a hair, exactly the same shade as Twilight’s and far too short to be anything but a facial hair.”

“How in the heck would one of her hairs get on Dry’s face, though?” asked Applejack with a thoughtful look indicating the question was somewhat less of an unanswered statement than it appeared.

Congrats to our winners:

And thanks for the comments, folks! The original version of this--and the version that'll be going up on FimFic later today--has eight or nine different voices--Discord himself loses track near the end. In rewriting it this past week, I've tried to give each of the voices more character and to make voice one and voice two into a clearer pair of antagonists. I've also moved Discord's name and the setting up into the 2nd paragraph--though one of the nice things about having a story description and a cover image on FimFic is that readers'll have an idea what they're getting into before they even start.

This idea came to me immediately after seeing the prompt, but I almost didn't write it 'cause the multiple voices in Discord's head is a concept I've used before. But then I realized that I'd only done it in the Discord POV sections of Philosophy, the third of my "clop trilogy." Which meant most folks hadn't read it and therefore wouldn't recognize it here. :)

Mike

>>TitaniumDragon
I wasn't sure about Kevin, but most readers knew Kevin was the name of the changeling from the wedding episode (according to the card game). I'll need to make it clear that he isn't human early.

"I'm just here for the food." –Kevin

EDIT: Replaced emdash with endash because I'm a dork.

A Look into the Soul

>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Trick_Question
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>The_Letter_J
>>Monokeras
>>Exuno
>>libertydude

Thank you all for taking your time to give me feedback on this. I understand where you're coming from with the descriptions and telling, and that was my fault. I believe I had actually made a mistake when I said that Octavia had known the stallion. That wasn't my original intention, and I think that it would've been stronger—not to mention it would've accomplished what I set out to do—if I had it the other way. But I suspected my flaw-riddled writing had a hand in it as well.

And I apologize for aggravating you, Monokeras.

I'm not sure whether to continue this. I really, really, really really want to; but then again, this whole idea originated with my distrust of music as an entity, and people may see me as loony because of it. I probably will, though I am hesitant because of that.

The New Head of Sweet Apple Acres

>>Rolo
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Monokeras
>>Trick_Question
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>The_Letter_J
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>TheCyanRecluse

I apologize for putting you guys through this garbage. When I thought of this idea, I tried everything in my mental power to make sure it wasn't feels bait, that there was an actual reason that the characters were acting the way they were. I put Twilight in there because I wanted to be a bit mysterious about things. I labored over what happened, and why.

Some complaining ahead.

So it frustrates me to see how poorly it turned out—and it's my fault. I'll be honest in saying that I don't know how to interpret the feedback I've been given. The critic in my head has been trying to tell me that I shouldn't try to write anything with emotion, as this and the other two Write-Off entries I tried making emotional fell flat on their faces; though I won't take that advice yet, I am discouraged from trying to put any feelings (not feeling) into my writing. I didn't see that Applejack and Big Macintosh had everything under control, and that they would be strong when Granny Smith passed, but given how you guys described it, it makes sense. It frustrates me that I didn't see that.

Edit: Actually, if there's anything I should take from this, it's that I don't yet understand how to put together bitter, tearful moments, and should I attempt that again, I should try and study what it is that makes these sorts of moments literally palatable. That's a far more positive and understandable message.

Complaining over.

If this Write-Off has shown me anything, it's that I'm still at the very bottom in terms of skill. I've got a lot of work to do. I think I'll participate in the next Write-Off, though I'm not sure what I'll be aiming for when that time comes. Perhaps not ending up at the bottom for a fourth consecutive time will be a good start. :twilightsmile:

>>TitaniumDragon
<.<

I had assumed it was because the sex was still great.

I like your idea better, though.

>>TitaniumDragon
Well that's very kind of you. Thanks, and I'm pleased you enjoyed the various aspects of it.

To be honest, I bandied around a few different reasons for the Dash/Big Mac issue: There was a half baked idea along the lines you suggested, but it was quickly suffocated by more generic sources of tension from an obviously failing relationship/developing attraction elsewhere. I ended up cutting the whole thing out because it was taking up too much space and time for very little gain. If I expand this story you can expect to find the AppleDashery undercurrent restored, to some extent.

>>Not_Worthy2
If it's helps your decision-making process, I ranked this one third, despite the quibbles with the tell-y bits. I really liked the idea and concept, and would happily read an expanded version of the story.

(Proveably!) One of the strongest entries this round. I really liked it, and yet it didn't quite make the top of my slate. Part of that is... it's sort of an archetypical Top Contender, with it's melancholic tone and solid prose and strong, resonant theme and clever narrative touches and... ...it was too good and things that have a more distinct strength or hook end up standing out to me more?

I really enjoyed the flow of Twilight and Celestia's gaze drifting upwards – it wasn't subtle, yet it created the illusion it was, and it always naturally fit. The single paragraph of anecdotes was perfect, totally supporting your theme and conveying so much in great word economy. All the prose and description fully meshed with the gloomy tone presented.

I think the actual moralizing bothered me a little, though, in that it didn't have quite the nuance to avoid being incredibly cynical, and it... I'm not sure. Something. The actual point I think it's trying to make, less than 'Don't examine relationships, that's bad' is that... 'A lot of the time you have to pretend you're living in a better world than you are, because that's the only way to make it happen.' Cognitive Dissonance is the strongest human person superpower! The danger in the threads isn't that they reveal things that should be obvious, it's that they're reinforcement of the present and against that things can change.

Also I guess that we're unfairly judgmental jerks that hold people to unrealistic standards, and read far too much into certain associations and generalizations because we form them based on woefully incomplete and misleading information. Superpowers can also be used for evil. :pinkiesad2:

Wow! Some nice shake-up in the top ranks this round. Congratulations to TheCyanRecluse for their first medal (and a gold no less!), to Ceffyl_Dwr for medaling in their very first MLP Writeoff, and to Titanium Dragon for getting back on the medal train after a long drought!

I kinda ran out of reviewing steam, but minific rounds usually take it out of me. I'll wrap up responses and a retrospective, and then see you all in a few weeks for the original fiction short-story round. ^.^

Note: If you're going to be publishing your story on FIMFiction and I haven't yet made you a contributor in the Writeoff Association group, drop me a message so I can get you added there.

>>Not_Worthy2

If this Write-Off has shown me anything, it's that I'm still at the very bottom in terms of skill.

Don't beat yourself up! You got a story in the finals, and having a single story do poorly doesn't cancel that out. Our medal-winner and new-second-place-in-the-scoreboard author Titanium Dragon had one of his three stories come in below both of yours, and that doesn't make him a bad author. Some stories just need more love before they're polished to their full luster.

Taking this as an opportunity to work on specific writing problems, like you mentioned, is a great approach. Try revising it and then talk to your editor, or one of the people who gave you helpful editing feedback, to see whether that improved it; the compare and contrast between revisions can be instructive.

>>Monokeras
Careful with those tongues or the ducks will bite them off. :V :V :V

Everyone has off rounds. (I'm still limping a bit from the spanking "Might Make Right" got.) The important thing is the trend, and that's been consistently upward, and you missed finals by literally a single rank last time. That's worth remembering. You keep setting new personal records, even if some stories slip.

Data Doesn't Lie — Retrospective

Reviews here seemed to generally agree with each other, and there's not a lot to say in response, except to thank you all for your feedback.

As I noted (>>horizon) — and as almost everyone here picked up — this story was cut nearly in half from its original version. The common complaint about Celestia's passiveness is definitely an editing problem. In the original, she's got a huge amount of banter with Night Light, and Shining and Cadence, and that romance subplot is a bigger and gentler element, making clear that her trip there is about a little bit more than supporting her student. (I can see where >>Rolo's complaint about cringy shipping comes in; hopefully giving that more room to breathe and giving Shining a little agency back will cut down on the chessmastering effect.)

>>Rolo is correct on all three explanations.

Pretty much everyone commented on the cute filly Twilight angle. Yeah. It's awfully "safe" storytelling/fluff/blatant feels bait, and fairly well-trodden ground besides; I tried to add in the Shining/Cadence stuff to offer a second angle to the story with some fresher material, though that probably expanded the story beyond minific size. The reason I did cute-filly-Twilight in the first place was that, when I looked at this round's prompt, the first interpretation that stuck in my brain was someone in blankets over their head: Twilight's nocturnal reading. And of course she's the sort of filly who would try to argue her parents into sending her to bed earlier so that she could do more reading in peace …

Anyway, thank you all again. :twilightsmile:

>>Ceffyl_Dwr
Don't keep us all in suspense. 😝 Was Twilight also arrested and in the next cell down from Celestia, or is she outside of the single dungeon cell, or does the story need to be lightly edited and she's outside of the particular cell Celestia's in?

>>horizon
In any case, I unpublished most of my stories. The site looks better without them.