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Interrogation, 3:57 AM
When Shining Armor awoke, the world was horrifyingly, brilliantly, unbearably bright.
His first instinct was to screw his face up and bury it in his pillow, but he found to his dismay that his eyes weren’t even open. Trying to hide beneath his coverlet proved likewise fruitless; the sheets were nowhere to be found, leaving the bed as hostile and uncomfortable as Mrs. Prosody’s literature composition class.
Rolling over, Shining tried to magically yank the curtains closed. He managed to grasp the fabric, but opening them, shutting them, and even pulling them from their rods did nothing to alleviate the painful illumination violating his sacred sleeping time.
Shining’s mouth went dry. It probably wasn’t even morning. This level of discomfort, this atrocity against an innocent teenage stallion—it could only come from the most heartless of villains, the most brutal, callous, Tartarus-twisted pieces of filth—
“Good morning, Mister Shining,” chirped the foalishly high-pitched voice of his tormentor.
“Twilight? What are you doing?” Shining demanded, forcing open an eye. He shut it immediately afterward. Ow.
His little sister’s voice held no remorse, only a sweetness that belied the ruthless determination of her emotionless heart. “I’m just wishing a good morning to my B.B.B.F.F! Aren’t you happy to see me?” The question ended with a bit of a whine. Emotional manipulation.
Well, it won’t work, Shining thought. He gritted his teeth as he began blindly reaching for his blankets, sweeping his hooves over every inch of his mattress.
“Of course I'm glad to see you,” he spat. “What time is it?”
“Exactly three hours and fifty-seven minutes past midnight!”
Shining stopped. “Why are you up this early?”
A giggle. “I’m glad you asked, Shiny!”
Abruptly, the world went dark. After a moment’s hesitation to ensure this wasn’t a trick, Shining cracked open an eye.
Just beyond the foot of his bed, perched atop a stack of neatly-folded bedsheets and pillowcases, Twilight Sparkle sat grinning in all her devilish cuteness. Shining narrowed his eyes, but his six-year-old sister merely beamed.
“So Mister Shining, do you remember where you were at nineteen hundred hours last evening?”
“What?” Shining blinked. “What does last night—oh.”
He groaned, burying his face in his hooves. “I’m sorry I didn’t get home in time to read your book with you, Twi. Really sorry—I asked Cadance out to dinner and then she wanted to see a movie and I completely forgot.”
“Cadance?” Twilight sniffed. “A likely story.”
Shining watched as she mulled it over—while he had undoubtedly committed a crime of the highest degree in the Kingdom of Twilight, Princess Cadance was one of Twi’s greatest allies and most trusted confidants.
“Fine,” she announced at last. “I accept your apology.”
Shining fell back to the mattress in relief. “Great, Twi. Now can I go back to sleep?”
Twilight frowned. “What? No. We’re going to read Mad Magic now. We’re almost at the good part. I’ve been waiting for the chapter on magical manipulation of the Nucleus Paragigantocellularis for weeks.”
“I am not reading that at four in the morning,” Shining said flatly.
Upon her stack of blankets, Twilight narrowed her brows. The tip of her horn began to glow. Brighter and brighter it shone, until a small sun seared itself into Shining’s eyes.
At his cries of protest, Twilight dimmed her horn-light. Jumping onto the bed, she levitated Shining's blankets over and snuggled into them, plopping the book into his lap. Shining opened it and squinted at the page, half-obscured by massive sunspots blooming across his vision.
“I would like to go to Donut Joe’s when we’re done reading, please,” intoned the Agent of Evil at his side.
“Yes, your highness,” Shining muttered.
When Shining Armor awoke, the world was suspiciously, inexcusably, worrisomely quiet. Cadance’s side of the bed lay empty and cold, and no wailing rang through the air.
Creeping out of bed, Shining tiphoofed over to his daughter’s cradle. Above the slumbering newborn stood his wife, hair painted pastel in the moonlight. Shining moved to her side and rested his head against hers. For a moment, they watched Flurry Heart’s gentle breathing.
“I don’t mean to add any pressure,” he murmured gravely. “But we have to be perfect parents.”
Cadance chuckled. “Well, I don’t intend to be a bad mother—”
“No,” Shining stressed. “We have to be perfect, Cadance. Flurry Heart isn’t just our daughter. She’s related to Twilight Sparkle.”
Even in the darkness, Shining could see the horrified realization dawn in his wife’s eyes.
His first instinct was to screw his face up and bury it in his pillow, but he found to his dismay that his eyes weren’t even open. Trying to hide beneath his coverlet proved likewise fruitless; the sheets were nowhere to be found, leaving the bed as hostile and uncomfortable as Mrs. Prosody’s literature composition class.
Rolling over, Shining tried to magically yank the curtains closed. He managed to grasp the fabric, but opening them, shutting them, and even pulling them from their rods did nothing to alleviate the painful illumination violating his sacred sleeping time.
Shining’s mouth went dry. It probably wasn’t even morning. This level of discomfort, this atrocity against an innocent teenage stallion—it could only come from the most heartless of villains, the most brutal, callous, Tartarus-twisted pieces of filth—
“Good morning, Mister Shining,” chirped the foalishly high-pitched voice of his tormentor.
“Twilight? What are you doing?” Shining demanded, forcing open an eye. He shut it immediately afterward. Ow.
His little sister’s voice held no remorse, only a sweetness that belied the ruthless determination of her emotionless heart. “I’m just wishing a good morning to my B.B.B.F.F! Aren’t you happy to see me?” The question ended with a bit of a whine. Emotional manipulation.
Well, it won’t work, Shining thought. He gritted his teeth as he began blindly reaching for his blankets, sweeping his hooves over every inch of his mattress.
“Of course I'm glad to see you,” he spat. “What time is it?”
“Exactly three hours and fifty-seven minutes past midnight!”
Shining stopped. “Why are you up this early?”
A giggle. “I’m glad you asked, Shiny!”
Abruptly, the world went dark. After a moment’s hesitation to ensure this wasn’t a trick, Shining cracked open an eye.
Just beyond the foot of his bed, perched atop a stack of neatly-folded bedsheets and pillowcases, Twilight Sparkle sat grinning in all her devilish cuteness. Shining narrowed his eyes, but his six-year-old sister merely beamed.
“So Mister Shining, do you remember where you were at nineteen hundred hours last evening?”
“What?” Shining blinked. “What does last night—oh.”
He groaned, burying his face in his hooves. “I’m sorry I didn’t get home in time to read your book with you, Twi. Really sorry—I asked Cadance out to dinner and then she wanted to see a movie and I completely forgot.”
“Cadance?” Twilight sniffed. “A likely story.”
Shining watched as she mulled it over—while he had undoubtedly committed a crime of the highest degree in the Kingdom of Twilight, Princess Cadance was one of Twi’s greatest allies and most trusted confidants.
“Fine,” she announced at last. “I accept your apology.”
Shining fell back to the mattress in relief. “Great, Twi. Now can I go back to sleep?”
Twilight frowned. “What? No. We’re going to read Mad Magic now. We’re almost at the good part. I’ve been waiting for the chapter on magical manipulation of the Nucleus Paragigantocellularis for weeks.”
“I am not reading that at four in the morning,” Shining said flatly.
Upon her stack of blankets, Twilight narrowed her brows. The tip of her horn began to glow. Brighter and brighter it shone, until a small sun seared itself into Shining’s eyes.
At his cries of protest, Twilight dimmed her horn-light. Jumping onto the bed, she levitated Shining's blankets over and snuggled into them, plopping the book into his lap. Shining opened it and squinted at the page, half-obscured by massive sunspots blooming across his vision.
“I would like to go to Donut Joe’s when we’re done reading, please,” intoned the Agent of Evil at his side.
“Yes, your highness,” Shining muttered.
When Shining Armor awoke, the world was suspiciously, inexcusably, worrisomely quiet. Cadance’s side of the bed lay empty and cold, and no wailing rang through the air.
Creeping out of bed, Shining tiphoofed over to his daughter’s cradle. Above the slumbering newborn stood his wife, hair painted pastel in the moonlight. Shining moved to her side and rested his head against hers. For a moment, they watched Flurry Heart’s gentle breathing.
“I don’t mean to add any pressure,” he murmured gravely. “But we have to be perfect parents.”
Cadance chuckled. “Well, I don’t intend to be a bad mother—”
“No,” Shining stressed. “We have to be perfect, Cadance. Flurry Heart isn’t just our daughter. She’s related to Twilight Sparkle.”
Even in the darkness, Shining could see the horrified realization dawn in his wife’s eyes.
“We never had a single fight,” said Twilight. “Having a fight would imply that Shining ever stood a chance against me.”
Exquisite work.
Exquisite work.
I think Twilight's a little bit over the top here. I can see the book reading, but asking him to take her to Donut Joe's at 5am seems unrealistic. I'm not sure why Shining is such a pushover.
Initially, I wondered when Shining Armor became an alicorn.
Shining wouldn't have been able to see once the lights were turned out. It would take time for his irises to pinprick back to focus and his retinas to settle.
The message of the story is distinctly undercut by the fact that Flurry is more closely related to Shining than Twilight, so presumably she'd be more like he is than she—and he's shown to have none of those qualities.
Trying to hide beneath his coverlet...
Initially, I wondered when Shining Armor became an alicorn.
Shining wouldn't have been able to see once the lights were turned out. It would take time for his irises to pinprick back to focus and his retinas to settle.
The message of the story is distinctly undercut by the fact that Flurry is more closely related to Shining than Twilight, so presumably she'd be more like he is than she—and he's shown to have none of those qualities.
This was lovely. I agree with Trick's comment that forcing him into leaving for Donut Joe's so early was a bit much, though.
Genre: Slice of life
Thoughts: Rarely do I see a minific of this caliber that I wished had ended sooner. But in this case, I think the ending scene does more to confuse the story than to enhance it. The good part is really, really good, though.
Tier: Needs work
Thoughts: Rarely do I see a minific of this caliber that I wished had ended sooner. But in this case, I think the ending scene does more to confuse the story than to enhance it. The good part is really, really good, though.
Tier: Needs work
Well, little filly-Twilight always gets a smile from me. This is no exception.
There are a lot of nuanced things to appreciate here--little pieces of characterization that really enhance the story.
I really expected a greater significance to the "Yes, your highness" line. I thought he'd end up repeating the line to Flurry Heart. This would mean he's the type of father who would spoil his daughter, just like how he's apparently the type of brother to spoil his sister.
In any case, I enjoyed this. The writing flowed well, overall, though I feel like the beginning drags for a little too long. Like I said, my favorite parts are the little bits of characterization for Shining Armor and Twilight.
There are a lot of nuanced things to appreciate here--little pieces of characterization that really enhance the story.
I really expected a greater significance to the "Yes, your highness" line. I thought he'd end up repeating the line to Flurry Heart. This would mean he's the type of father who would spoil his daughter, just like how he's apparently the type of brother to spoil his sister.
In any case, I enjoyed this. The writing flowed well, overall, though I feel like the beginning drags for a little too long. Like I said, my favorite parts are the little bits of characterization for Shining Armor and Twilight.
… leaving the bed as hostile and uncomfortable as Mrs. Prosody’s literature composition class.
Great line.
The opening as a whole, however, threw me. I'm pretty sure I see what you're going for — the humorous juxtaposition between Shining Armor waking up in bed, and the stereotypical interrogation scene of someone tied to a chair in a bare room underneath a single spotlight — but the images here felt more to me like they were clashing than contrasting. For example:
This level of discomfort, this atrocity against an innocent teenage stallion …
You've got the right idea here — which is to take a scenario that's merely a source of discomfort and to describe it in hyperbolic language that makes it sound like a pony gulag — but the execution slips. That sentence doesn't have a contrast between mild events and severe descriptions, it has two descriptions from the same narrative voice that wildly vary in their severity. That's just self-contradiction.
And what's more, the intended level of exaggeration isn't even clear to me, since we're not talking about unfluffed pillows here — we're talking about light that literally is so bright it hurts through closed eyelids. I'm just not sure whether describing that as torture is meant to be satirical or accurate, and since it kinda shades toward the latter for me, it ruins the humor of it.
(Relatedly: I'm finding it hard to comprehend how, after realizing that burying his face in a pillow isn't helping, Shining even bothers trying to close the curtains. Or how he's orienting to the curtains if he can't open his eyes due to the light. Finally, this is more nitpicky/didn't bother me as much while reading, but: how is Twilight not blinding herself?)
I agree with above comments that Twilight's donut demand felt too-far to me, and I think this is very much related to the problem I just described. Comedy is tragedy plus distance; Celestia randomly dropping anvils onto ponies from the top of a tower is funny, but a graphic description of her breaking the legs of a weeping mother protecting her foal isn't, even though both of them are equal distortions of her character. If the Enhanced Interrogation Techniques™ in the first section of this story were obviously humorously exaggerated, Twilight would feel more like a parody and less creepy, but the story shades uncomfortably toward her inflicting actual pain, and so her sociopathy feels serious.
I think this would be pretty good if those issues were smoothed out in editing. I didn't have any particular problems with the second scene, though the logic faults pointed out by other commenters are worth addressing/lampshading. The first scene has its heart in the right place; it just needs to straighten out those tonal problems.
Tier: Almost There
That... wasn't much of an interrogation. :trollestia: Shining got off lightly there, methinks.
I do think I would have preferred to see the scene play out more, and really embrace the sense of exaggeration it teases us with at the start. Particularly as I don't think the final scene really adds much to the narrative; it could have been cut and the words reinvested elsewhere to make Shining really (comically) squirm.
But yeah, cute. Thanks for sharing.
I do think I would have preferred to see the scene play out more, and really embrace the sense of exaggeration it teases us with at the start. Particularly as I don't think the final scene really adds much to the narrative; it could have been cut and the words reinvested elsewhere to make Shining really (comically) squirm.
But yeah, cute. Thanks for sharing.
I’m with everyone else on this one; the donut demand felt like it was a bridge too far, and I’m not sure that the final scene actually worked quite right.
The interrogation – and Twilight’s bossiness – were amusing though.
Poor Shining Armor
The interrogation – and Twilight’s bossiness – were amusing though.
Poor Shining Armor
Interrogation — A+ — Fits my Twilight/Shiny headcanon, but might not others. To get the humor, you play Twilight up to 11, which may come off as Filly Tyrant to some. I agree that the donut run was overkill, and could have been damped with a short back and forth.
“And, I want to go to Donut Joe’s.”
“No.” Shining yawned. “Too late. One cookie from downstairs.”
“Three,” declared Twilight.
“One,” insisted Shiny.
They compromised on three.
“And, I want to go to Donut Joe’s.”
“No.” Shining yawned. “Too late. One cookie from downstairs.”
“Three,” declared Twilight.
“One,” insisted Shiny.
They compromised on three.
This one was a lot of fun to read. The idea of little Twily being such a demanding and powerful little sister is an idea I've seen before, but this one took it to the absolute extreme and that made this fic so much better. I always enjoy comedies that are funny, but also slightly disturbing in their implications. The idea that Flurry Heart may become just like her aunt is simultaneously hilarious and horrifying, and is the absolutely perfect note to end on. A solid fic all in all.
(Also, I really thought the second part was going to involve Twilight breaking into the Crystal Palace to make Shining read her a story. Thank heavens the author is much nicer than I would be.)
(Also, I really thought the second part was going to involve Twilight breaking into the Crystal Palace to make Shining read her a story. Thank heavens the author is much nicer than I would be.)
Well, I'm running out of time, so my reviews shall be briefer than normal, but just as sadly unhelpful. ;>
Entertaining. Like everyone else, I think the donut run was a bit excessive. And the ending... Eh, I'm not quite sure it was necessary... And besides, I'm sure Twilight couldn't have been that much of a tyrant to her parents, could she? Her older, doting brother I can totally see, but not so much for mom and dad...
Still, (tyrannical) filly Twilight is both adorable and entertaining. ;>
Entertaining. Like everyone else, I think the donut run was a bit excessive. And the ending... Eh, I'm not quite sure it was necessary... And besides, I'm sure Twilight couldn't have been that much of a tyrant to her parents, could she? Her older, doting brother I can totally see, but not so much for mom and dad...
Still, (tyrannical) filly Twilight is both adorable and entertaining. ;>