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I'm the 900th member of the Writeoff Association on Fimfiction! (Not that I'm bragging, of course)
In Over Your Head
FiM Minific
Super Secret Mission
Colour Contagion
Original Minific
It Could Probably Get Worse
Original Minific
Freezer Burn
Crossing Over
Friendship is Short Shorts Short Story
Inner Strength
On the Verge
FiM Short Story
It Wasn't Alive in the First Place...
Keep Pretending
FiM Minific
Sweet on the Inside
FiM Minific
The Howl in the Dark
Original Minific
The Light in the Dark
Time Heals Most Wounds
Original Minific
Long Distance Call
All the Time in the World
FiM Short Story
Their Princess
#2631 · 5
You might consider this spam, but oh well, let's spam kindness...

Congratulations to all who made it this far and through the finals...
with less than ten hours left on the clock, only time can tell who will win.

The competition is rough- there are some really good stories out there...

All in all, I wish you guys luck! May the odds be ever in your favor!
#18897 · 5
I love the prompt! There is no way I'm skipping this!

I'm burning midnight oil right now, since I just got back from a trip! Gotta get it finished!

Good luck to everyone! I can't wait to read the other entries!
#22730 · 5
· on It’s Alive!
A common misconception is that it's Twilight Sparkle's Monster, not Twilight Sparkle. Twilight is the scientist that created the monster.

Very good piece! The dust/sparks/particles must've taken forever (Including the reflection on her goggles). Also, the evil smile with the fangs is a nice touch.

The nitpick that you might hear a lot is that I can still see the structural lines underneath, particularly around Twilight's head and neck. If you were in a hurry, it's understandable, and it doesn't do too much damage to the piece. Just something I've noticed.
#3297 · 4
Let's start a spam! =P
Heh, Just kidding around...

Congrats to you two!
Same thing happened to me! Woo! First time in the finals!
May I gloat with you guys? Please?

I'm thrilled to be in the finals, I can say I have made it!
However, In all honesty, I feel a little out of place in the finals.
I've intruded on the prestigious space of professional writers, when clearly, I am an amateur masquerading as a professional.
...Can't really complain about making it into the final rounds... many writers would give anything to trade me places.

Hey, don't say that about your own story.
Heck, I'd even say you would get at least a decent score.
Even if life is a bit hectic, it's usually in that time of trial that the writer pulls out their best stories when they don't mean it...

All in all, Congrats to all who made it to finals! Good Luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!
#23165 · 4
· on Dead Griffon Walking · >>_Moonshot
The confusion that Miller had carries onto me. For me, when I was reading, I looked back up at the title and wondered… is this another songfic? Maybe that's a clue that I'm missing. Concerning the track-record with this Writeoff and how many fics have been based on songs, I wouldn't be surprised if it was based off a song or another work. Crossover, if you will. I don't know, I might be going crazy.

I still have lots of questions. Some of the same that Miller asked. "Why the fixation on the refrigerator? Why does Gabriel feel guilty?"

I agree with Miller's idea that the plot-twist doesn't payoff. A lot of these fics seem to be suffering from going too fast. The idea of a plot-twist is cradled in the perspective of the long haul. Slower pacing seems essential for the payoff to be handled well.

Enough of the negative now. Here's the positive: even though this fic is dark (elements such as gore and narcotics), it does hit the spot for me in the emotional aspect. The fact that Gabriel is suffering from unchecked grief and guilt hits home for me. The resolve of him getting over and living life was the takeaway I got. (Forgive me if that's not what you were going for).

As always, I'm a novice reviewer. So take this with a grain of salt.

Thanks for writing!
#23173 · 4
· on Stick to the Script · >>Soft Sticks
I saw the post that Baal made before I read this so I have the spoiler bias. I could tell where this was going at the beginning.

I'm not swiping Baal's review completely to the side though. A little more grounding of where they actors are at, and what they look like (especially at the beginning) could clue in the reader enough that this is what I class to be an emotional piece covered with a finished coat of meta. A route you could go is Soft Sticks turned in her costume (cutie mark, makeup and hair extensions (good reference imo for meta logic, I remember that episode)) to the stage crew. You could easily put that at the beginning since they are having a lunch break and the likely excuse is that they don't want to ruin any props because… well… food.

Another question that I have for it is how bad was the foul-up with the ad-libbing? Details of what she did might help. (was it pretentious or just a moment where she overstepped her bounds because she just wanted to try something?) But then again, the fic does fine without Nitty-gritty details. This question is just a personal preference.

After that, there's no other comments I have.

(I'm going to start including this disclaimer in my comments) I'm still learning how to review, so take all what I said with a grain of salt.

Thanks for writing!
#2735 · 3
Welp... I submitted my fic
And it's absolute crap.

Meh, I guess that's what you get for Ibuprofen running through your veins like hemoglobin. It'll probably be spotted quickly and eliminated. At least I can say I tried.
#18828 · 3
· on Their Princess · >>Trick_Question
Is it safe to thank everyone for the reviews yet? I saw Baal Bunny do so without repercussions, so I take it that I'm safe!

First of all, >>Samey90
hit the nail on the head. Concept is extraordinary. Yet, my hubris (am I using that correctly? Eh… Meh) is the inexperienced writing. Have yet to harness voice and emotional arcs (Thank you Coffee Minion and Miller Minus). Now, the hard part, does anypony have pointers? I need a little more practice… a lot of practice. Got it under control. Bad habits I need to correct- provide spacing and make sure I have dialogue correct.

Now, >>CoffeeMinion
discovered my tracks easy. Yes, it was a hurry, with 3 hours to prep it before heading off to work. I mean, I started work two hours before the deadline, just enough fuel to set my rump on fire in the middle of the night. I had a hard time coming up with an idea that sticks to the prompt, yet didn't trap me in a dead end. Every Idea I jotted down missed the mark or ran out of pixie dust. Then, Inspiration! Only, one slight problem: I didn't have all the time in the world! With the Midnight Muse disturbing my beauty sleep, screaming “You want the best Idea? HERE IT IS!” My muse woke me at 11 o’clock in the evening before the premature deadline! Best idea ever! so, yes, TLDR: I submitted an unpolished story in a crucial moment. For sake of time, I didn't have time to sculpt everything… spacing and punctuation included

As for what many of you touched on, but >>Trick_Question
has suggested, “have somepony run with me line by line" I have yet to find a exceptional editor that has the time and patience with all the bad writing habits I have. Any references or pointers that can help me find an editor?

Unfortunately, I'll give a counter-argument to >>Miller Minus
(please don't hurt me!). The reason to why it's a little jotty is that I have taken a long hiatus from writing or view other works of writing. The reason? Killer number one to my fictions is that they are unoriginal. As you can see with a story on this site “Super Secret Mission" copied Calipony’s “Lava Monster" on Fimfiction. You can see more examples if you look for them. But, lets face it- there are rarely any original ideas left in the world. This includes this idea. The more I invest time in looking into other’s works, the more my subconscious copies it. It's real problematic. That's how I got this idea, pure and true. But, along with the upside of ostracizing myself from other ponies’ works, the more rough and flat my writing goes- it loses it’s magic. I'll take your advice in small steps. I need to start finding my voice- without imitating another’s. Balance is key. All in all, Thanks! This comment is super useful!

Thanks again to others who touched on the same topics!
Yes, thank you, I look back, and that part was a very rushed

Thank you for the comments… I was expecting worse since my unpolished story probably aggravated several readers, but the pleasant surprise was that the comments I had were still constructive, yet didn't ram me with a train of long, undying nitpicks and details. Or… my second suspicion is that many saw through the anonymity veil (I try to be sneaky and undetected, but I stick out like a sore thumb). I’m an amateur in the midst of professionals! Nonetheless, I Prefer to believe the first, not the latter. Thanks again! See you in another round!
#19625 · 3
· on Sweet on the Inside · >>Hap >>Pascoite
Here it goes!

I'm also not sure this is proper, but I'll say it anyway! First thanks goes to Pascoite for helping me edit! Without Pascoite, this fiction would be trashed- (trust me, major improvements!) This one is going into my re-write bin for later!

From the get-go, I knew I was playing a dangerous card by making a Changeling fic. I find those fictions to be very cliche and overused. Not to mention it would blend in with the crowd of similar stories in this round.

But, by far, this is the only idea that made it under the 750 word limit. All others overshot it.

Let's just say the “relation to a picture” constraint threw me for a loop, but now I've seen the other entries, it doesn't have to be complicated. Just be free, and go wherever the picture takes you.

Even if this story is not your cup of tea, Thanks for your comment!

Since you bring up grammar issues, I need to study it a bit more. The “SVO” structure (I believe) in the round before last (All The Time in the World), got me into trouble, so I had to mix it up. I overcompensated.

Also, first person is not my strong suit. For some strange reason, I tried to write this in third person, but it wanted to shift over to first person. Dangerous move, but it was worth the experience!

All in all, I'm glad you didn't quit before the [*hr]! Thanks for seeing the heart inside this piece!

In order to make this short, I cut out some of my excuses. I realize that the best way to do this is cut out the exposition and get to the good stuff: your help!

I haven't been very good at beginnings, even at the best of times. Thankfully, Pascoite told me that this would be better than the former opening line, which trust me, major improvement. But, then again, I need to watch my step with dubious word choices.
I missed an opportunity there.

Curse my ignorance, but what does “YMMV” stand for?

There are multiple things you have addressed, from the digression at the beginning to the plot convenience of the disguise failing. Most of which I'm on the lookout for- I've learned immensely from this round, especially from this comment. When in doubt, or when you get a sneaking suspicion or doubt, bring it out and solve it rather than have it ruin your fic.

Thanks again! I can't describe it without sounding a teensy bit mean to the others comments. Don't get me wrong, each has nuggets of wisdom that are priceless. Mind that- this is what I've been looking for! I've got a lot of improvement to do. The first draft and the final draft are very different from each other. But, I'm learning!

I'm sorry if my writing was cumbersome. I understand it's not the smoothest read. I'm working on solving that problem. I'm not out of the woods yet.

Thank you for reading!
#21389 · 3
· · >>Miller Minus
I make this my peace offering just in case an angry mob comes after me for my reviews. (Does anyone else feel like this when they review?)

Anyways, not entirely related to the Writeoff, but after reading a couple Rainbow and Scootaloo pieces, here is a little more to give you the Rainbow and Scootaloo fuzzies: here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Upgj3VBUkU

Anyways, good luck! I can't wait to see the results! (And the art!)

Edit: sorry- for some strange reason the url ain't working