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I'm the 900th member of the Writeoff Association on Fimfiction! (Not that I'm bragging, of course)
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In Over Your Head
FiM Minific
29th
55%
98
Super Secret Mission
Bronze medal
On Thin Ice
FiM Minific
4th
57%
88
Ocellus' Office
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Colour Contagion
Original Minific
15th
50%
81
Rebirth
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Risky Business
Friendship is Short Shorts Short Short
2nd
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60
Putting Yourself Out There
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It Could Probably Get Worse
Original Minific
8th
42%
56
Freezer Burn
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Crossing Over
Friendship is Short Shorts Short Story
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25%
49
Inner Strength
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On the Verge
FiM Short Story
6th
17%
26
It Wasn't Alive in the First Place...
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Keep Pretending
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42nd
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18
Sweet on the Inside
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Rot
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Medicine
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The Howl in the Dark
Original Minific
34th
3%
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The Light in the Dark
#2631 · 5
·
You might consider this spam, but oh well, let's spam kindness...

Congratulations to all who made it this far and through the finals...
with less than ten hours left on the clock, only time can tell who will win.

The competition is rough- there are some really good stories out there...

All in all, I wish you guys luck! May the odds be ever in your favor!
#18897 · 5
·
I love the prompt! There is no way I'm skipping this!

I'm burning midnight oil right now, since I just got back from a trip! Gotta get it finished!

Good luck to everyone! I can't wait to read the other entries!
#22730 · 5
· on It’s Alive!
A common misconception is that it's Twilight Sparkle's Monster, not Twilight Sparkle. Twilight is the scientist that created the monster.

Very good piece! The dust/sparks/particles must've taken forever (Including the reflection on her goggles). Also, the evil smile with the fangs is a nice touch.

The nitpick that you might hear a lot is that I can still see the structural lines underneath, particularly around Twilight's head and neck. If you were in a hurry, it's understandable, and it doesn't do too much damage to the piece. Just something I've noticed.
#3297 · 4
·
Let's start a spam! =P
Heh, Just kidding around...

>>007Ben
>>Mordred
Congrats to you two!
Same thing happened to me! Woo! First time in the finals!
May I gloat with you guys? Please?

I'm thrilled to be in the finals, I can say I have made it!
However, In all honesty, I feel a little out of place in the finals.
I've intruded on the prestigious space of professional writers, when clearly, I am an amateur masquerading as a professional.
...Can't really complain about making it into the final rounds... many writers would give anything to trade me places.

>>CoffeeMinion
Hey, don't say that about your own story.
Heck, I'd even say you would get at least a decent score.
Even if life is a bit hectic, it's usually in that time of trial that the writer pulls out their best stories when they don't mean it...

All in all, Congrats to all who made it to finals! Good Luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!
#23165 · 4
· on Dead Griffon Walking · >>_Moonshot
The confusion that Miller had carries onto me. For me, when I was reading, I looked back up at the title and wondered… is this another songfic? Maybe that's a clue that I'm missing. Concerning the track-record with this Writeoff and how many fics have been based on songs, I wouldn't be surprised if it was based off a song or another work. Crossover, if you will. I don't know, I might be going crazy.

I still have lots of questions. Some of the same that Miller asked. "Why the fixation on the refrigerator? Why does Gabriel feel guilty?"

I agree with Miller's idea that the plot-twist doesn't payoff. A lot of these fics seem to be suffering from going too fast. The idea of a plot-twist is cradled in the perspective of the long haul. Slower pacing seems essential for the payoff to be handled well.

Enough of the negative now. Here's the positive: even though this fic is dark (elements such as gore and narcotics), it does hit the spot for me in the emotional aspect. The fact that Gabriel is suffering from unchecked grief and guilt hits home for me. The resolve of him getting over and living life was the takeaway I got. (Forgive me if that's not what you were going for).

As always, I'm a novice reviewer. So take this with a grain of salt.

Thanks for writing!
#23173 · 4
· on Stick to the Script · >>Soft Sticks
I saw the post that Baal made before I read this so I have the spoiler bias. I could tell where this was going at the beginning.

I'm not swiping Baal's review completely to the side though. A little more grounding of where they actors are at, and what they look like (especially at the beginning) could clue in the reader enough that this is what I class to be an emotional piece covered with a finished coat of meta. A route you could go is Soft Sticks turned in her costume (cutie mark, makeup and hair extensions (good reference imo for meta logic, I remember that episode)) to the stage crew. You could easily put that at the beginning since they are having a lunch break and the likely excuse is that they don't want to ruin any props because… well… food.

Another question that I have for it is how bad was the foul-up with the ad-libbing? Details of what she did might help. (was it pretentious or just a moment where she overstepped her bounds because she just wanted to try something?) But then again, the fic does fine without Nitty-gritty details. This question is just a personal preference.

After that, there's no other comments I have.

(I'm going to start including this disclaimer in my comments) I'm still learning how to review, so take all what I said with a grain of salt.

Thanks for writing!
#23633 · 4
· on Hearth and Home · >>WritingSpirit
Hearth and Home- Retrospective

Sorry for the late replies! I have a mixture of excuses, but I’d rather just get to the retro. (If you really want to see the excuses, they are in the last paragraph).

I hope I’m not overloading anyone by submitting more entries than usual. A piece of advice I was given is to try write prolifically. I’ve taken that piece of advice here. After all, the more I submit, the more advice I get, and the better my writing becomes. At least, that’s what I hope. In theory. Anyways, if any of you are bugged by my spamming of the entry button, please let me know.

So far, with this experiment, I wasn’t expecting this caliber of positive feedback this round. I was sleep drunk while writing this piece, so I was expecting my writing to be more hitched and jagged. It was a surprise that it panned out the way that it did.

>>MLPmatthewl419

Along with the fear of my writing being jagged and scratchy, came another problem. When I was writing this piece, I hit the upper word limit. Hard. Then, the feelings of doubt settled in. Usually when one hits the word limit, the pacing is the first to suffer. I was surprised when it spawned an entirely different problem- two tones of the story that don’t exactly line up. Fortunately, that will be an easy tweak.

The fact that none of the interactions seemed forced was a good sign also. Again, this was a pleasant surprise.

Lastly, Potential is my middle name- Pinoy Potential Pony. I mean, at least I like the alliteration. Jokes aside, this has been the bane of my existence from the very first fiction. Always have a ton of potential, but cannot communicate it well enough- yet. We’ll see where this experiment takes me.

Thanks for your review!

>>No_Raisin

You guessed the fact that it took guts to post this one. When I was hitting the submit button, I was thinking: I hope I’m not clogging up the slate with an extra fic. Perhaps I should sit this one out. I had to hold back and say to myself ‘Chances are you’re gonna get roasted. However, if you want to improve, you need to put yourself out there and experiment for a little bit.”

Part of my inhibition is that I felt like picking the plotline of a grandchild losing their grandparent was cliché in nature and seemed like a cop-out. I was double surprised when one: I wasn’t roasted immediately, and two: no one seemed to find the plotline overdone and cliché.

But, in turn, you bring up a very great point- first of its kind that I encountered: This could’ve been submitted Original Fiction round, cut out the pony-isms. The only saving grace that this takes place in the MLP universe is the reference to the Running of the Leaves. Other than that, I realize that if I’m going to take the route of using OCs, I will have to make sure that it has sure grounding. of the universe (Ex. magic, trinkets, lore, monsters, etc.…). Hopefully I can learn how to fix that quickly. Ugh, I’m a slow learner.

Thanks for your review!

>>CoffeeMinion

There’s the huge drawback to hitting the word limit early: the clunkiness of thought sewn together. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough space to work out the fine-tuning, but I guess that’s experience. Just a question however, you mentioned Musicality and Aragon. I’m out of the loop, but for sake of continuity, can you tell me what you mean by that?

I do also agree on the fact that the flashback to the race was very out of place. For the time being, it serves its purpose, but needs a nicer nook and cranny to nestle into rather than a haphazard break that has stitched itself together like a patch on a tire.

After that, thank you for your kind remarks. I wasn’t expecting that the whole fiction wrap a bow over itself just like that. Call it a happy accident if you will, I don’t know how I pulled that one off (maybe my amateur-ish writing is wearing off, and I’m Improving!)

Thanks for your review!

>>Baal Bunny

I like it. Personally speaking, I don’t think the stakes are meant to be high on an emotional piece. Pardon my crude comparison, but I was aiming for something more slice-of-life-ish, almost touching the genre of hallmark movie or chick-flick. But, that’s not to throw your suggestion aside. By adding in the plotline of the scholarship and the friendship school, that adds another layer of grounding in the MLP universe as well as furthering the conflict. Thanks for your elaboration!

And as always, Thanks for reviewing!

>>WritingSpirit

Okay, let me get the question that has been weighing on my mind: Where is this recording? I want to listen to it. I think I spotted the commotion one night when there was a huge gathering in the ‘talk’ portion on Discord, but I was too shy to check out what the fuss was about. So, if you can get me access to the recording, that would be great.

Okay, sorry for the demanding nature of the first paragraph. Had to get that off my chest. Anyways, towards your review, I guess that will be the hardest thing to fix (it’s hard to fix something that you have no idea where to start or where to end). Most of my fixing either goes overboard or doesn’t meet criteria.

But, for the time being, I think I get the point that the dialogue is scratchy and rough. I need to add flavor, not just focusing on the topic at hand, or being deliberate at the purpose, but to add personality, life, color. These are individuals talking. They each have their own dreams and their own fears.

Thanks for your review!

[Verdict]

With finals week at school, and other projects that keep piling up on me, It’ll be a miracle if I get this fiction corrected and published this year. However, that is not to say that I have a good egg here and I don’t plan tossing it aside anytime soon.
#2735 · 3
·
Welp... I submitted my fic
And it's absolute crap.

Meh, I guess that's what you get for Ibuprofen running through your veins like hemoglobin. It'll probably be spotted quickly and eliminated. At least I can say I tried.
#18828 · 3
· on Their Princess · >>Trick_Question
Is it safe to thank everyone for the reviews yet? I saw Baal Bunny do so without repercussions, so I take it that I'm safe!

First of all, >>Samey90
hit the nail on the head. Concept is extraordinary. Yet, my hubris (am I using that correctly? Eh… Meh) is the inexperienced writing. Have yet to harness voice and emotional arcs (Thank you Coffee Minion and Miller Minus). Now, the hard part, does anypony have pointers? I need a little more practice… a lot of practice. Got it under control. Bad habits I need to correct- provide spacing and make sure I have dialogue correct.

Now, >>CoffeeMinion
discovered my tracks easy. Yes, it was a hurry, with 3 hours to prep it before heading off to work. I mean, I started work two hours before the deadline, just enough fuel to set my rump on fire in the middle of the night. I had a hard time coming up with an idea that sticks to the prompt, yet didn't trap me in a dead end. Every Idea I jotted down missed the mark or ran out of pixie dust. Then, Inspiration! Only, one slight problem: I didn't have all the time in the world! With the Midnight Muse disturbing my beauty sleep, screaming “You want the best Idea? HERE IT IS!” My muse woke me at 11 o’clock in the evening before the premature deadline! Best idea ever! so, yes, TLDR: I submitted an unpolished story in a crucial moment. For sake of time, I didn't have time to sculpt everything… spacing and punctuation included

As for what many of you touched on, but >>Trick_Question
has suggested, “have somepony run with me line by line" I have yet to find a exceptional editor that has the time and patience with all the bad writing habits I have. Any references or pointers that can help me find an editor?

Unfortunately, I'll give a counter-argument to >>Miller Minus
(please don't hurt me!). The reason to why it's a little jotty is that I have taken a long hiatus from writing or view other works of writing. The reason? Killer number one to my fictions is that they are unoriginal. As you can see with a story on this site “Super Secret Mission" copied Calipony’s “Lava Monster" on Fimfiction. You can see more examples if you look for them. But, lets face it- there are rarely any original ideas left in the world. This includes this idea. The more I invest time in looking into other’s works, the more my subconscious copies it. It's real problematic. That's how I got this idea, pure and true. But, along with the upside of ostracizing myself from other ponies’ works, the more rough and flat my writing goes- it loses it’s magic. I'll take your advice in small steps. I need to start finding my voice- without imitating another’s. Balance is key. All in all, Thanks! This comment is super useful!

Thanks again to others who touched on the same topics!
>>Xepher
>>Paracompact
Yes, thank you, I look back, and that part was a very rushed

Thank you for the comments… I was expecting worse since my unpolished story probably aggravated several readers, but the pleasant surprise was that the comments I had were still constructive, yet didn't ram me with a train of long, undying nitpicks and details. Or… my second suspicion is that many saw through the anonymity veil (I try to be sneaky and undetected, but I stick out like a sore thumb). I’m an amateur in the midst of professionals! Nonetheless, I Prefer to believe the first, not the latter. Thanks again! See you in another round!
#19625 · 3
· on Sweet on the Inside · >>Hap >>Pascoite
Here it goes!

I'm also not sure this is proper, but I'll say it anyway! First thanks goes to Pascoite for helping me edit! Without Pascoite, this fiction would be trashed- (trust me, major improvements!) This one is going into my re-write bin for later!

>>Bachiavellian
From the get-go, I knew I was playing a dangerous card by making a Changeling fic. I find those fictions to be very cliche and overused. Not to mention it would blend in with the crowd of similar stories in this round.

But, by far, this is the only idea that made it under the 750 word limit. All others overshot it.

Let's just say the “relation to a picture” constraint threw me for a loop, but now I've seen the other entries, it doesn't have to be complicated. Just be free, and go wherever the picture takes you.

Even if this story is not your cup of tea, Thanks for your comment!

>>CoffeeMinion
Since you bring up grammar issues, I need to study it a bit more. The “SVO” structure (I believe) in the round before last (All The Time in the World), got me into trouble, so I had to mix it up. I overcompensated.

Also, first person is not my strong suit. For some strange reason, I tried to write this in third person, but it wanted to shift over to first person. Dangerous move, but it was worth the experience!

All in all, I'm glad you didn't quit before the [*hr]! Thanks for seeing the heart inside this piece!


>>horizon
In order to make this short, I cut out some of my excuses. I realize that the best way to do this is cut out the exposition and get to the good stuff: your help!

I haven't been very good at beginnings, even at the best of times. Thankfully, Pascoite told me that this would be better than the former opening line, which trust me, major improvement. But, then again, I need to watch my step with dubious word choices.
I missed an opportunity there.

Curse my ignorance, but what does “YMMV” stand for?

There are multiple things you have addressed, from the digression at the beginning to the plot convenience of the disguise failing. Most of which I'm on the lookout for- I've learned immensely from this round, especially from this comment. When in doubt, or when you get a sneaking suspicion or doubt, bring it out and solve it rather than have it ruin your fic.

Thanks again! I can't describe it without sounding a teensy bit mean to the others comments. Don't get me wrong, each has nuggets of wisdom that are priceless. Mind that- this is what I've been looking for! I've got a lot of improvement to do. The first draft and the final draft are very different from each other. But, I'm learning!

I'm sorry if my writing was cumbersome. I understand it's not the smoothest read. I'm working on solving that problem. I'm not out of the woods yet.

Thank you for reading!