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On the Verge · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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It’s Alive!
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#1 · 5
A common misconception is that it's Twilight Sparkle's Monster, not Twilight Sparkle. Twilight is the scientist that created the monster.

Very good piece! The dust/sparks/particles must've taken forever (Including the reflection on her goggles). Also, the evil smile with the fangs is a nice touch.

The nitpick that you might hear a lot is that I can still see the structural lines underneath, particularly around Twilight's head and neck. If you were in a hurry, it's understandable, and it doesn't do too much damage to the piece. Just something I've noticed.
#2 · 1
I know it's a meme to deride all modern children's animation as Cal Arts... but that's a Cal Arts smile.

I gotta tell you, bro, the particle effects in this game are so complex that my rig has a hard time running it at medium settings. Clearly the most advanced tech demo masquerading as a game since Quake.

Twilight's got a little something on her face, and it's not sauce from the veggieburger she just had.
#3 · 2
While the signs of how you built this piece do draw the eye away from the final product a little, said final product is pretty good! Mad scientist Twilight is always fun, and always great fuel for writing, but this one really has a little bit of extra pizazz. Those particle effects just give off the right amount of pastel coloured menace. My only real nitpick is that the smile is kind of corny? I think you could have gone a tad less cartoony and a tad more deranged, but that's just personal preference really.

Good job!
#4 · 2
Okay, this is really cute. I'm going to have to disagree with Raisin and say that I love Twilight's goofy-looking smile,which is made all the better by the fact that her eyes are hidden from us. I'm also really impressed by the work you did with her mane. It looks billowing, and it gives off the appearance of individual fibers very nicely. I think it was a good decision to leave in the sketch lines, here.

Now, I will have to say that I had a little bit of trouble with the sketch lines in her face, though. Her head circles were really attention-grabbing in a way that in a way that the sketch lines you've left in her mane and hooves aren't. The circles combined with all of the sparks kind of make the middle head area feel a lot busier to me than it actually is, so you might want to think about toning down the amount of visual information. I didn't really see the blowtorch until I really started studying the piece, just as a gauge for how my attention was divided.

Don't get me wrong, though. This is still really awesome, and the caption made me chuckle. Thank you for submitting!
#5 ·
The spots look great, but it seems like they're coming from the welding or blowtorchery in which case they're not very representative of sparks from a welder. This is especially true since you're not actually welding anything, what with the welder held apart from what the audience can't see.

The sharp angle of Twi's upper stripe is weird.

I think the blowtorch is drawn too rigidly. The super-straight lines contrast with the imperfect ellipses. It's okay to have shaky lines when you have an expressive piece like this, don't fear them.
#6 · 2
I just wanted to mention that this was my favorite of the arts, and it would’ve been the one I wrote a story for if my weekend had gone differently.
Post by Rocket Lawn Chair , deleted