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Aviary
Ponyville was invaded by pigeons.
Nopony knew whence they came or why they stopped here. But they had multiplied thousandfold during a single night. Unfortunately, Ponyville had almost no tree where they could nest. So they had roosted on what was available: sills, gables, roofs, rafters, attics…
Everypony loved birds. Robins, thrushes, swallows, nightingales were the favourites. However, pigeons had a bad habit: they cooed. They cooed all day and some even at night. While that was (at a pinch) bearable during the day, Ponyville’s quiet nights had turned into a nightmare for whoever wanted to sleep.
But that was not the biggest problem, as earplugs could help dampen the ruckus. No, the biggest problem was way worse.
Pigeons shat. Outside in the streets, inside the houses. Everywhere. They shat.
In the course of three days, the greenish, gooey splotches dropped by those flying critters had covered most of the town. Everypony set about cleaning the muck. But not only scrubbing it off turned out to be a gruelling challenge, in the end all those efforts amounted to nothing: within hours, the same splotches had returned.
Each type of pony reacted differently to this new nuisance. While pegasi got away with it easily by flying high enough, unicorns soon took to teleporting from house to house, avoiding the streets. Less fortunate, the earth ponies – well – had no choice but to walk under large umbrellas.
Roseluck fainted when she discovered her flowers “spruced up”. Rarity, after fighting a whole day to protect her most precious attire, locked the boutique up and moved her collection to Manehattan. Applejack retreated into her cellar with her cherished apples. Twilight Sparkle had to cast a cleansing spell each hour to keep her castle clean. Pinkie Pie shut herself in her attic, scaring the birds with her party cannon. Only Fluttershy’s cottage remained inexplicably unspoiled.
Major Mare called an emergency meeting. All assembled in town hall, praying that no bird would make its way inside while the gates were open.
The major asked if anypony had an idea to get rid of the plague.
“I do,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“What is it, Princess?” Major Mare asked.
“An ultrasound amplifier. It will frighten the birds away, while being inaudible to ponies.”
Major Mare nodded. “Sounds good. When will it be ready?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Excellent! Let’s do this.”
Everypony in the hall nodded.
The next morning, Twilight, carrying with her a complex contraption, materialised in Town Hall’s square. Right away, she flicked several switches and pulled a couple of levers.
Nothing happened. The birds didn’t flinch.
“It doesn’t work,” Major Mare grunted.
Twilight Sparkle simpered. “Err… Just a minute,” she squeaked. She fumbled with the levers, turned buttons clockwise, counterclockwise, craning every so often to see whether the birds reacted or not.
They did not.
Half an hour of fidgeting later, beat and crestfallen, the alicorn cut the power off and gave up.
“Does anyone have a better idea than Princess Sparkle?” Major Mare grated.
Nopony raised a hoof. The silence in the hall was ominous.
“Ahem!” a flimsy voice squeaked in the last row.
“Fluttershy?” Major Mare blurted. “Yes?”
Fluttershy stood up, coughed. “What if… I asked my kestrels to bring around other kestrels and… and they… maybe they could settle in Ponyville for a while. Kestrels feed on pigeons…”
“Would your kestrels kill all the pigeons?” said Major Mare, recoiling at the prospect of picking up hundreds of strewn carcasses.
“No, no,” Fluttershy spattered. “When they’ll spot the kestrels, the pigeons will flee, as preys confronted to predators do.”
“Any objection?” Major Mare asked. She scanned the crowd, but no one protested. “Then what are we waiting for?” she concluded, slamming a gavel on the lectern.
It took a few hours for Fluttershy’s kestrels to round up others of their kin. Once they were a dozen, they darted from Fluttershy’s cottage to Ponyville.
The effect was immediate. As soon as they caught a glimpse of the kestrels, the first pigeons took off, and their panicked squeals spread like wildfire. Soon, a flock of thousands of pigeons was flying away, to the cheering of everypony.
Ten minutes had sufficed to eradicate the pests from Ponyville.
Fluttershy was celebrated. Major Mare decorated her, and Pinkie Pie threw a mega-party in her honour.
It was also decided to keep a couple of kestrels in the spire of the town hall, just in case.
Ponyville was invaded by kestrels…
Nopony knew whence they came or why they stopped here. But they had multiplied thousandfold during a single night. Unfortunately, Ponyville had almost no tree where they could nest. So they had roosted on what was available: sills, gables, roofs, rafters, attics…
Everypony loved birds. Robins, thrushes, swallows, nightingales were the favourites. However, pigeons had a bad habit: they cooed. They cooed all day and some even at night. While that was (at a pinch) bearable during the day, Ponyville’s quiet nights had turned into a nightmare for whoever wanted to sleep.
But that was not the biggest problem, as earplugs could help dampen the ruckus. No, the biggest problem was way worse.
Pigeons shat. Outside in the streets, inside the houses. Everywhere. They shat.
In the course of three days, the greenish, gooey splotches dropped by those flying critters had covered most of the town. Everypony set about cleaning the muck. But not only scrubbing it off turned out to be a gruelling challenge, in the end all those efforts amounted to nothing: within hours, the same splotches had returned.
Each type of pony reacted differently to this new nuisance. While pegasi got away with it easily by flying high enough, unicorns soon took to teleporting from house to house, avoiding the streets. Less fortunate, the earth ponies – well – had no choice but to walk under large umbrellas.
Roseluck fainted when she discovered her flowers “spruced up”. Rarity, after fighting a whole day to protect her most precious attire, locked the boutique up and moved her collection to Manehattan. Applejack retreated into her cellar with her cherished apples. Twilight Sparkle had to cast a cleansing spell each hour to keep her castle clean. Pinkie Pie shut herself in her attic, scaring the birds with her party cannon. Only Fluttershy’s cottage remained inexplicably unspoiled.
Major Mare called an emergency meeting. All assembled in town hall, praying that no bird would make its way inside while the gates were open.
The major asked if anypony had an idea to get rid of the plague.
“I do,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“What is it, Princess?” Major Mare asked.
“An ultrasound amplifier. It will frighten the birds away, while being inaudible to ponies.”
Major Mare nodded. “Sounds good. When will it be ready?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Excellent! Let’s do this.”
Everypony in the hall nodded.
The next morning, Twilight, carrying with her a complex contraption, materialised in Town Hall’s square. Right away, she flicked several switches and pulled a couple of levers.
Nothing happened. The birds didn’t flinch.
“It doesn’t work,” Major Mare grunted.
Twilight Sparkle simpered. “Err… Just a minute,” she squeaked. She fumbled with the levers, turned buttons clockwise, counterclockwise, craning every so often to see whether the birds reacted or not.
They did not.
Half an hour of fidgeting later, beat and crestfallen, the alicorn cut the power off and gave up.
“Does anyone have a better idea than Princess Sparkle?” Major Mare grated.
Nopony raised a hoof. The silence in the hall was ominous.
“Ahem!” a flimsy voice squeaked in the last row.
“Fluttershy?” Major Mare blurted. “Yes?”
Fluttershy stood up, coughed. “What if… I asked my kestrels to bring around other kestrels and… and they… maybe they could settle in Ponyville for a while. Kestrels feed on pigeons…”
“Would your kestrels kill all the pigeons?” said Major Mare, recoiling at the prospect of picking up hundreds of strewn carcasses.
“No, no,” Fluttershy spattered. “When they’ll spot the kestrels, the pigeons will flee, as preys confronted to predators do.”
“Any objection?” Major Mare asked. She scanned the crowd, but no one protested. “Then what are we waiting for?” she concluded, slamming a gavel on the lectern.
It took a few hours for Fluttershy’s kestrels to round up others of their kin. Once they were a dozen, they darted from Fluttershy’s cottage to Ponyville.
The effect was immediate. As soon as they caught a glimpse of the kestrels, the first pigeons took off, and their panicked squeals spread like wildfire. Soon, a flock of thousands of pigeons was flying away, to the cheering of everypony.
Ten minutes had sufficed to eradicate the pests from Ponyville.
Fluttershy was celebrated. Major Mare decorated her, and Pinkie Pie threw a mega-party in her honour.
It was also decided to keep a couple of kestrels in the spire of the town hall, just in case.
Ponyville was invaded by kestrels…
Ponyville has no trees where pigeons can nest. Ponyville, which contains a sizeable apple orchard and the decidedly non-eldritch Whitetail Woods. Bit of an issue there.
Uh, most unicorns can’t teleport.
Why didn’t they go to Fluttershy in the first place? Especially since she's the only one unaffected by the invasion?
What are all the kestrels eating?
In all, this feels very poorly thought out. There’s certainly an idea here. Estee’s Goosed! proves that. But the execution leaves way too much to be desired.
Uh, most unicorns can’t teleport.
Why didn’t they go to Fluttershy in the first place? Especially since she's the only one unaffected by the invasion?
What are all the kestrels eating?
In all, this feels very poorly thought out. There’s certainly an idea here. Estee’s Goosed! proves that. But the execution leaves way too much to be desired.
The story's fine, I just can't buy the ending. It's like saying "Ponyville was invaded by tigers", it's just ridiculous. There aren't enough in one area, or maybe even in Equestria, for obvious food-web reasons.
FOME (above) makes some good points as well.
FOME (above) makes some good points as well.
I'm going to have to agree with FOME and Trick Question on this. Rationale is thrown out.
To add on the others, (and I am on my soapbox), Why would Fluttershy offer to chase out an animal? I think the episode "Bats" proves that she wouldn't volunteer for such a thing, even if the animal is a pest or a nuisance. (Correct me if I'm missing something FOME).
Anyways, not much else to say.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Btw, can I have the hyperlink for Estee's "Goosed!"?
To add on the others, (and I am on my soapbox), Why would Fluttershy offer to chase out an animal? I think the episode "Bats" proves that she wouldn't volunteer for such a thing, even if the animal is a pest or a nuisance. (Correct me if I'm missing something FOME).
Anyways, not much else to say.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Btw, can I have the hyperlink for Estee's "Goosed!"?
>>PinoyPony
If nothing else, Fluttershy would probably lend a hoof when the situation had escalated to ludicrously untenable levels. An infested orchard is one thing. A town awash in pigeon poop is quite another.
Also, here's the link.
If nothing else, Fluttershy would probably lend a hoof when the situation had escalated to ludicrously untenable levels. An infested orchard is one thing. A town awash in pigeon poop is quite another.
Also, here's the link.
Like I said on "The Apprentice," this story doesn't make a whole lot of sense if you think about it too hard, but that's excusable because it's funny.
>>PinoyPony
>>FanOfMostEverything
I don't really want to talk about "Worst Episode Ever," but it does suggest that Fluttershy's solution would be to convince the pigeons to stay (or at least poop) in just one section of the town. And that doesn't seem like an ideal solution either. Maybe if she was feeling particularly nice, she'd ask them to move to Whitetail Woods, but the fact that they chose Ponyville instead does suggest that there's some reason they're not living there.
Actually, I can definitely imagine Fluttershy trying to potty train the pigeons. I'm not sure how I feel about this.
>>PinoyPony
>>FanOfMostEverything
I don't really want to talk about "Worst Episode Ever," but it does suggest that Fluttershy's solution would be to convince the pigeons to stay (or at least poop) in just one section of the town. And that doesn't seem like an ideal solution either. Maybe if she was feeling particularly nice, she'd ask them to move to Whitetail Woods, but the fact that they chose Ponyville instead does suggest that there's some reason they're not living there.
Actually, I can definitely imagine Fluttershy trying to potty train the pigeons. I'm not sure how I feel about this.
Ooh, little late to the party here; all of the good food has been eaten comments have been made.
Oh, wait—the punchline. It would work much for effectively if you approached it as part of some (implied) cumulative 'There was an old lady who swallowed a fly' narrative. Link in the pigeon invasion as a result of the ponies having kept a few to get rid of some other pest, and you've got a much stronger premise on your hooves. It was also explain the set-up a little bit more. Do it cleanly enough and you could even ramp up the punchline further. 'Dragons had invaded Ponyville'.
But yeah, pretty fun, but needs some work. Thanks for sharing.
Phew. Halfway there.
Oh, wait—the punchline. It would work much for effectively if you approached it as part of some (implied) cumulative 'There was an old lady who swallowed a fly' narrative. Link in the pigeon invasion as a result of the ponies having kept a few to get rid of some other pest, and you've got a much stronger premise on your hooves. It was also explain the set-up a little bit more. Do it cleanly enough and you could even ramp up the punchline further. 'Dragons had invaded Ponyville'.
But yeah, pretty fun, but needs some work. Thanks for sharing.
Phew. Halfway there.
True story: "Freebird" came on iTunes when I was starting to read this.
Points for the correct use of "whence" (=from where).
I partially disagree with earlier reviews. The second section seemed weird to me — I guess in the abstract, Fluttershy driving off prey with predators works, but the way she presented it made it sound like Mayor Mare's question about killing was her intention in the first place. The punchline, on the other hand, landed.
Putting Twilight's efforts in a section of their own seemed structurally odd. You're not quite Rule of Three'ing here, and this would probably be stronger if you did — either by having three parts (introduction, escalation, resolution) or by having three solutions (Twilight's, ???, Fluttershy's).
Tier: Almost There
Points for the correct use of "whence" (=from where).
I partially disagree with earlier reviews. The second section seemed weird to me — I guess in the abstract, Fluttershy driving off prey with predators works, but the way she presented it made it sound like Mayor Mare's question about killing was her intention in the first place. The punchline, on the other hand, landed.
Putting Twilight's efforts in a section of their own seemed structurally odd. You're not quite Rule of Three'ing here, and this would probably be stronger if you did — either by having three parts (introduction, escalation, resolution) or by having three solutions (Twilight's, ???, Fluttershy's).
Tier: Almost There
Aviary
Thanks to all reviewers and all those who’ve put up with this piece.
This (shitty) idea came to me watching Paris’s sidewalks covered with pigeon poop (besides garbage collectors are on strike too). I imagined the same happening in Ponyville. There was not much besides this premise, except that I saw a long time ago a report on the French TV explaining how some airports get rid of song birds (that may clog into planes’ reactors at takeoff) using birds of prey. That inspired me the last part.
>>FanOfMostEverything (FoME)
Well, as far as I remember, there are no trees in downtown Ponyville except Twilight’s former library. I may be wrong, but I think I’m not. And there’s no indication on how close Sweet Apple Acres is from downtown Ponyville. Pigeons tend to be pretty urban birds, feeding on crumbs and other refuse.
Welp! Unicorns can’t teleport? I thought it was fairly standard in the quiver of spells they share.
>>Trick_Question
>>The_Letter_J
>>horizon
Thanks for not disliking this story too much :heart:
See below for the triptych.
>>PinoyPony
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
This story really toyed with being a trollfic. I’ll try to change some minor things, and I have an idea to insert after Twilight’s failed attempt to make the text outstrip the 1,000 words and publish it on FimFic: During the night, Pinkie Pie bakes biscuits, smashes them into crumbs and makes a trail that leads to the Everfree forest. The next morning, the pigeons follow the trail, they stay away from Ponyville for a day or two, but then they’re back, with leads to Fluttershy’s final solution.
Thanks to all reviewers and all those who’ve put up with this piece.
This (shitty) idea came to me watching Paris’s sidewalks covered with pigeon poop (besides garbage collectors are on strike too). I imagined the same happening in Ponyville. There was not much besides this premise, except that I saw a long time ago a report on the French TV explaining how some airports get rid of song birds (that may clog into planes’ reactors at takeoff) using birds of prey. That inspired me the last part.
>>FanOfMostEverything (FoME)
Well, as far as I remember, there are no trees in downtown Ponyville except Twilight’s former library. I may be wrong, but I think I’m not. And there’s no indication on how close Sweet Apple Acres is from downtown Ponyville. Pigeons tend to be pretty urban birds, feeding on crumbs and other refuse.
Welp! Unicorns can’t teleport? I thought it was fairly standard in the quiver of spells they share.
>>Trick_Question
>>The_Letter_J
>>horizon
Thanks for not disliking this story too much :heart:
See below for the triptych.
>>PinoyPony
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
This story really toyed with being a trollfic. I’ll try to change some minor things, and I have an idea to insert after Twilight’s failed attempt to make the text outstrip the 1,000 words and publish it on FimFic: During the night, Pinkie Pie bakes biscuits, smashes them into crumbs and makes a trail that leads to the Everfree forest. The next morning, the pigeons follow the trail, they stay away from Ponyville for a day or two, but then they’re back, with leads to Fluttershy’s final solution.
>>Monokeras
Alright, Since the Ibuprofen is out of my system, I'm finally coherent.
I apologize for my harsh review, I wasn't in the best of places, and didn't give this fic much of a chance.
Now, since you revealed it's true nature, expanding it to 'rule of three' sounds like a fantastic idea. I guess it got (for lack of better terms) crippled by the word count.
I hope you aren't too angry about it. If it makes you feel any better, I look forward to reading it when you're finished.
Alright, Since the Ibuprofen is out of my system, I'm finally coherent.
I apologize for my harsh review, I wasn't in the best of places, and didn't give this fic much of a chance.
Now, since you revealed it's true nature, expanding it to 'rule of three' sounds like a fantastic idea. I guess it got (for lack of better terms) crippled by the word count.
I hope you aren't too angry about it. If it makes you feel any better, I look forward to reading it when you're finished.
>>PinoyPony
I wanted to turn this answer into a multiple unrelated message, but it seems it's impossible.
No worries. I didn't feel your message was particularly putting me down. You've the right to state your opinions and I'm happy you spoke up what you thought. While I agree that pointless bluntness doesn't really home in, mincing words doesn't really work either when you want a review to be profitable.
So thanks for that, and I hope to be able to write and publish the final version before this weekend.
I wanted to turn this answer into a multiple unrelated message, but it seems it's impossible.
No worries. I didn't feel your message was particularly putting me down. You've the right to state your opinions and I'm happy you spoke up what you thought. While I agree that pointless bluntness doesn't really home in, mincing words doesn't really work either when you want a review to be profitable.
So thanks for that, and I hope to be able to write and publish the final version before this weekend.
>>PinoyPony
Finally I decided to chuck it, so don't worry about it. You're more than fine.
I hope you aren't too angry about it. If it makes you feel any better, I look forward to reading it when you're finished.
Finally I decided to chuck it, so don't worry about it. You're more than fine.