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You've traveled very far from
home...
Do you remember how your long
and winding journey began with
someone pounding at your door?
It was Pokey, the worst person in
your neighborhood, who knocked
on the door that fateful night.
On your way, you have walked,
thought and fought. Yet through
all this, you have never lost your
courage. You have grown steadily
stronger, though you have
experienced the pain of battle
many times.
You are no longer alone in your
adventure, Paula who is
steadfast, kand and even pretty,
is always at your side.
Jeff is with you as well.
Though he is timid, he came from
a distant land to help you.
Ness, as you certainly
know by now, you are not a
regular young man... You have
an awesome destiny to fulfill.
The journey from this point will
be long, and it will be more
difficult than anything you have
undergone to this point. Yet, I
know you will be all right. When
good battles evil, which side do
you believe wins? Do you have
faith that good is triumphant?
One thing you must never lose is
courage. If you believe in the
goal you are striving for, you will
be courageous. There are many
difficult times ahead, but you
must keep your sense of humor,
work through the tough
situations and enjoy yourself.
When you have finished this cup
of coffee, your adventure will
begin again. Next you must pass
though a vast desert and
proceed to the big city of
Fourside.
Ness...
Paula...
Jeff...
I wish you luck...
home...
Do you remember how your long
and winding journey began with
someone pounding at your door?
It was Pokey, the worst person in
your neighborhood, who knocked
on the door that fateful night.
On your way, you have walked,
thought and fought. Yet through
all this, you have never lost your
courage. You have grown steadily
stronger, though you have
experienced the pain of battle
many times.
You are no longer alone in your
adventure, Paula who is
steadfast, kand and even pretty,
is always at your side.
Jeff is with you as well.
Though he is timid, he came from
a distant land to help you.
Ness, as you certainly
know by now, you are not a
regular young man... You have
an awesome destiny to fulfill.
The journey from this point will
be long, and it will be more
difficult than anything you have
undergone to this point. Yet, I
know you will be all right. When
good battles evil, which side do
you believe wins? Do you have
faith that good is triumphant?
One thing you must never lose is
courage. If you believe in the
goal you are striving for, you will
be courageous. There are many
difficult times ahead, but you
must keep your sense of humor,
work through the tough
situations and enjoy yourself.
When you have finished this cup
of coffee, your adventure will
begin again. Next you must pass
though a vast desert and
proceed to the big city of
Fourside.
Ness...
Paula...
Jeff...
I wish you luck...
Hmm, a prompt... a prompt. Well I have this random prompt generator here, lets see if it throws out something fun.
Bang!
Monomolecular muffin
Bang!
Gargantuan flying honey badger
Umm...
Bang!
Authorised vegetable peeler
Yeah, this thing might need a little work. Eh, I'll just submit 'Lesbian Horse Escapades' again.
Bang!
Monomolecular muffin
Bang!
Gargantuan flying honey badger
Umm...
Bang!
Authorised vegetable peeler
Yeah, this thing might need a little work. Eh, I'll just submit 'Lesbian Horse Escapades' again.
I have managed to buffalo my decade-long-fiancee-I-might-as-well-call-husband into joining the Writeoff this time around! :dashawesome:
He is Tala Tearjerker on Fimfiction (which he only uses for fetish writing at present), and will go by Whitekitten here. He does not have a lot of experience getting feedback on his writing, so I think this will be a valuable experience for him. :yay:
He is Tala Tearjerker on Fimfiction (which he only uses for fetish writing at present), and will go by Whitekitten here. He does not have a lot of experience getting feedback on his writing, so I think this will be a valuable experience for him. :yay:
Post by
libertydude
, deleted
If the prompt:
Works with the Pony story I've been thinking about the past couple weeks, I'll try to render it down into pixels. Otherwise, this long weekend'll be devoted to sorceress squirrel stories and I'll be sitting out yet another round 'round here...
Mike
Works with the Pony story I've been thinking about the past couple weeks, I'll try to render it down into pixels. Otherwise, this long weekend'll be devoted to sorceress squirrel stories and I'll be sitting out yet another round 'round here...
Mike
I'm not sure if I'll be able to play in this round. It's over the holiday weekend and I'm back in the states visiting the family.
>>Cold in Gardez
That is unfortunate, except for the obvious fact that it would give the rest of us a chance to medal. :trollestia:
You should totally write poni instead of sleeping. I don't see how that could possibly go wrong. :derpytongue2:
That is unfortunate, except for the obvious fact that it would give the rest of us a chance to medal. :trollestia:
You should totally write poni instead of sleeping. I don't see how that could possibly go wrong. :derpytongue2:
>>Posh
I'll see you that one, and raise you one of these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3kkTjfPD0E
:trollestia:
I'll see you that one, and raise you one of these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3kkTjfPD0E
:trollestia:
>>Pascoite
I guess I'm up for another go. Anyone who wants some feedback on your story before you submit it, the post linked above explains how it works. Few will apply, even fewer will be chosen!
I guess I'm up for another go. Anyone who wants some feedback on your story before you submit it, the post linked above explains how it works. Few will apply, even fewer will be chosen!
Another one comes, and I have a good general idea of what I want to write, just hope that the prompts that I like are chosen. Also, I'm really feeling it, and I hope that I can advance back up to the top, or at least into the second round.
Also, whoever wrote in, Where the Heart Lies, I feel like that it's the title to my own story on Fim. Not sure if by accident or inspiration, I thank you good sir and or madam. :)
Also, whoever wrote in, Where the Heart Lies, I feel like that it's the title to my own story on Fim. Not sure if by accident or inspiration, I thank you good sir and or madam. :)
>>Broman
It was actually my prompt, but it was, unfortunately, not chosen. :(
Anyway, I'll join this round!
Probably won't do very well, but I'd like to try. Just for fun! ;)
It was actually my prompt, but it was, unfortunately, not chosen. :(
Anyway, I'll join this round!
Probably won't do very well, but I'd like to try. Just for fun! ;)
Hmmmm:
Yeah, I think that prompt'll work. Now to see if I can actually write the story in the time allotted...
Mike
Yeah, I think that prompt'll work. Now to see if I can actually write the story in the time allotted...
Mike
>>Trick_Question
Related: hilarious but extremely NSFW, so do not click unless you are prepared. (You can blame the last writer's chat for this one.)
First Part
Second Part
Related: hilarious but extremely NSFW, so do not click unless you are prepared. (You can blame the last writer's chat for this one.)
First Part
Second Part
I hit on an idea that I like with uncharacteristic speed and am eager to outline and write it.
Here are some ideas I thought up and quickly rejected; if anybody wants to use them, they're welcome to. Just make sure to pledge your immortal soul to me as recompense.
Applejack Accidentally Plants and Harvests the World Tree, Yggdrasill
Rejected on the grounds that I don't know enough about Norse mythology to write a convincing comedy about it.
Apple Bloom Awakens in a Reality Where She Was Never Born
Rejected on the grounds that, while the idea has potential, I can't think of an actual story with a beginning, middle and end within that idea.
Fluttershy Has A Penis
Rejected on the grounds that you're all freaks.
Here are some ideas I thought up and quickly rejected; if anybody wants to use them, they're welcome to. Just make sure to pledge your immortal soul to me as recompense.
Applejack Accidentally Plants and Harvests the World Tree, Yggdrasill
Rejected on the grounds that I don't know enough about Norse mythology to write a convincing comedy about it.
Apple Bloom Awakens in a Reality Where She Was Never Born
Rejected on the grounds that, while the idea has potential, I can't think of an actual story with a beginning, middle and end within that idea.
Fluttershy Has A Penis
Rejected on the grounds that you're all freaks.
>>Pascoite
Nobody claimed a Friday spot, so those are closed now. Still time to request Saturday or Sunday.
Nobody claimed a Friday spot, so those are closed now. Still time to request Saturday or Sunday.
>>Posh
>>Trick_Question
Besides:
Some of us have already written nearly 128,000 words across a novella and two novels on the subject of futanari Fluttershy. The opening novella in the series so disturbed Titanium Dragon that he dismissed me from consideration as an author entirely until I started showing up in the Writeoffs. :)
Mike
>>Trick_Question
Besides:
Some of us have already written nearly 128,000 words across a novella and two novels on the subject of futanari Fluttershy. The opening novella in the series so disturbed Titanium Dragon that he dismissed me from consideration as an author entirely until I started showing up in the Writeoffs. :)
Mike
>>Baal Bunny
Not to downplay the achievement, but disturbing Titanium Dragon and/or getting him to dismiss you as an author isn't as difficult as you might think. :derpytongue2:
Not to downplay the achievement, but disturbing Titanium Dragon and/or getting him to dismiss you as an author isn't as difficult as you might think. :derpytongue2:
>>Pascoite
Does this mean you won't be in the competition? :fluttershysad:
I'd like to volunteer Jewel (Whitekitten) for your services, assuming Jewel actually decides to submit something. He'll probably do most of his writing on Sunday.
Does this mean you won't be in the competition? :fluttershysad:
I'd like to volunteer Jewel (Whitekitten) for your services, assuming Jewel actually decides to submit something. He'll probably do most of his writing on Sunday.
>>Trick_Question
It seems to me:
That there's a little icon of Rainbow laughing uproariously among the set available on Fimfiction. If there is, please imagine that I'm employing it here.
Mike Again
It seems to me:
That there's a little icon of Rainbow laughing uproariously among the set available on Fimfiction. If there is, please imagine that I'm employing it here.
Mike Again
>>Trick_Question
No, I don't do these anymore. I last entered one nearly a year ago, and even that had been my first one in 4 months.
If Whitekitten enters, he'll have to contact me anyway to link me to his entry. I don't know how I'd let him know he
got picked.
>>Trick_Question
The price of entry in that club is simply to have written something.
No, I don't do these anymore. I last entered one nearly a year ago, and even that had been my first one in 4 months.
If Whitekitten enters, he'll have to contact me anyway to link me to his entry. I don't know how I'd let him know he
got picked.
>>Trick_Question
The price of entry in that club is simply to have written something.
>>Pascoite
I mailed you a Dora the Explorer fanfic that I wrote on a bar napkin and you sent it back unread along with a legal threat.
Don't believe Pascoite's lies.
The price of entry in that club is simply to have written something.
I mailed you a Dora the Explorer fanfic that I wrote on a bar napkin and you sent it back unread along with a legal threat.
Don't believe Pascoite's lies.
>>Pascoite I can't quite recall the reason; I was pretty drunk. You know, the bar and all.
A better question is how I got your mailing address. There's a lot about that night that's kind of a blur to me...
A better question is how I got your mailing address. There's a lot about that night that's kind of a blur to me...
I wish I'd been paying attention and noticed this going up! At least I haven't lost all THAT much time. I definitely ought to give it a shot, since I'm on break and I don't know how many (if any?) other write-offs will occur when I don't have any other pressing priorities! Argh, I just have to corral my brain back into thinking about pony stuff in a creative way. I've been reading fics that are part of 'verses, and playing my new Pokemon Sun game. Not that anyone other than me is missing out if I fail to enter... Urgh, gotta turn my brain back on! I swear, it's been asleep most of break, even during those rare times I'm actually awake... I was playing DnD with my brother and friends last night and I actually fell asleep in the middle of saying a sentence and tried to finish it after I jerked back awake, but there's no way I could tell you what I said before or after.
Cudgeling my brain worked, for once! I had a halfway decent thought! Now if I can figure out either another thought that is not going to be done by 5 different people already, or come up with a creative way to approach it... Oh! My brain is cooperating! I might be able to come up with something after all!!!
EDIT: I may have spoken too soon. Oh well, at least I'm trying.
EDIT: I may have spoken too soon. Oh well, at least I'm trying.
>>bloons3
>>Trick_Question
I'll need some way of contacting anyone who's interested so I can privately let them know if they've been picked. That's why I requested FiMFic PMs from people wanting to throw their names in. I won't be posting it here.
>>Trick_Question
I'll need some way of contacting anyone who's interested so I can privately let them know if they've been picked. That's why I requested FiMFic PMs from people wanting to throw their names in. I won't be posting it here.
I had a strange dream that I wrote the worst writeoff entry in history back in July. The prompt was "after the end," and I wrote some kind of spoof on Fallout: Equestria/postapocalyptia in general, where the inhabitants of an underground bunker conducted social experiments on middle-aged horsewomen by being rude and petty to them after they passed the age of thirty-five.
Nobody liked it. :(
EDIT: There was a festival thrown for them involving something called a Christmas Cake Walk, which I think was the cleverest thing I've ever conjured up during REM sleep.
Nobody liked it. :(
EDIT: There was a festival thrown for them involving something called a Christmas Cake Walk, which I think was the cleverest thing I've ever conjured up during REM sleep.
Well, I've got a story concept and a complete outline. Can I finagle the time to write it? I suppose that I have Monday off, so sleep isn't *essential* these next two nights...
>>CoffeeMinion
What are these mythical "outlines" you speak of?
I just mash my keyboard at speed and pray some sort of arc emerges. ...which is going to be the majority of tomorrow, I suspect.
What are these mythical "outlines" you speak of?
I just mash my keyboard at speed and pray some sort of arc emerges. ...which is going to be the majority of tomorrow, I suspect.
What an appropriate prompt. I found myself asking that very question when I looked at the link to this contest. I can make no guarantees regarding my participation, especially since this is the first I'm seeing of the prompt. Furthermore, given my job, I'm afraid I can't even guarantee my usual review of the whole field. We'll have to see how this one goes.
...I've never written a full-on short story before, just a couple minifics for contests and a couple bits of scenes for random ideas I had. I was going to do this, and I have some ideas, but I'm really nervous ^^' We'll see what happens, tomorrow. I guess doing anything, since it's outside my comfort zone, would be a good thing, even if the story isn't all that good...
>>Kitcat36 You can't be any worse than that guy who submitted the minific about Shining Armor's rape trauma.
Who was that loser again?
It was me. The loser was me.
Who was that loser again?
It was me. The loser was me.
>>CoffeeMinion
Pffffffffffffffft. Happy and carefree? Discovery writing is merely delayed suffering. The misery I save trying to plan comes back to haunt me twice as hard come revision time.
:derpytongue2:
Pffffffffffffffft. Happy and carefree? Discovery writing is merely delayed suffering. The misery I save trying to plan comes back to haunt me twice as hard come revision time.
:derpytongue2:
Sorry, guys, I'm going to have to bow out of this one. I've only gotten one idea, and I can already tell it's going to flop. Way too much of the word count is going into just justifying the premise. Good luck to all. See you in February. I'll set an alarm on my phone.
>>AndrewRogue
Well, my preparation isn't availing me much, it seems. I *think* I'm gonna land this thing, but I can already smell whatThe Rock is cooking, and let me tell you, it's a hot mess.
Well, my preparation isn't availing me much, it seems. I *think* I'm gonna land this thing, but I can already smell what
>>CoffeeMinion
Let us commiserate together over the fact that, regardless of how you approach writing, it is always terrible. Forever.
Let us commiserate together over the fact that, regardless of how you approach writing, it is always terrible. Forever.
>>Syeekoh
Agreed:
I mean, every one of these I've taken part in, I never have any idea how folks're gonna react to the story I come up with. But I just plain enjoy every minute I spend putting the things together.
Mike
Agreed:
I mean, every one of these I've taken part in, I never have any idea how folks're gonna react to the story I come up with. But I just plain enjoy every minute I spend putting the things together.
Mike
>>AndrewRogue
>>Syeekoh
>>Baal Bunny
All of these statements are true.
Also: this statement is false. :trollestia:
>>Syeekoh
>>Baal Bunny
All of these statements are true.
Also: this statement is false. :trollestia:
>>CoffeeMinion
Yes, "this statement is false" is false. (I'm serious, but I'll let you puzzle it out.)
Yes, "this statement is false" is false. (I'm serious, but I'll let you puzzle it out.)
I'm tired and still working but I'm definitely in unless I fall asleep and forget to do any submissions.
Also, Jewel (Whitekitten) sadly cannot join the event. The writing was too stressful for him, which I thought was a likely outcome. But I appreciate his willingness to try. <3
Also, Jewel (Whitekitten) sadly cannot join the event. The writing was too stressful for him, which I thought was a likely outcome. But I appreciate his willingness to try. <3
>>Trick_Question You could be forgiven for thinking that. Every time I try to write comedy, it veers drastically off course.
>>Posh
I was kidding! :raritywink: I thought the story was great, it was just way too short for the subject matter to resolve in the way it did. (As did pretty much everypony else.)
It was a brilliant short-story-story sadly submitted in a minific round.
I was kidding! :raritywink: I thought the story was great, it was just way too short for the subject matter to resolve in the way it did. (As did pretty much everypony else.)
It was a brilliant short-story-story sadly submitted in a minific round.
Whelp, I went to bed last night and completely forgot about this until I opened my computer 5 minutes ago. So much for writing a short fic. ... I actually had an interesting concept and started to have an idea about how to make it into a story longer than minific length, too. Maybe I can try to write it anyway and ask some people for comments if they have time. *sigh* Why must my memory resemble a black hole when I most need it to cooperate?
>>Trick_Question And here's how it would have ended if I'd had more than 750 words to work with:
Cadance cupped Shining's face between her hooves. "Darling..."
Tears shimmered in Shining's eyes. He smiled. Then a banana cream pie smashed into his face, and Cadance started laughing. "At least one of us got a cream pie on this honeymoon! OOOOOOOOOOH!"
Shining growled and flung an entire shelf of pies at Cadance while Chrysalis ascended into the room with a piano, gleefully singing "We'll Meet Again" in an unusually Trixie-esque voice.
Then everyone exploded.
>>Trick_Question
...In other news, I am still in this thing, but holy dang I've struggled to get time this time. At risk of outing myself, mine is likely to be the one titled Time Enough To Write Crappy Derivative Unedited Fanfic.
Error! Error! Norman, coordinate!
...In other news, I am still in this thing, but holy dang I've struggled to get time this time. At risk of outing myself, mine is likely to be the one titled Time Enough To Write Crappy Derivative Unedited Fanfic.
>>CoffeeMinion Likewise. I spent the first couple of days plotting out the story and watching some stuff to prep for it, which only left today to write it, but it's done tightly enough that I think I can get a draft out with time enough to edit and revise.
And I'll have to spend most of my time editing and revising, because this one's gonna overshoot the word limit by a lot. Eep.
And I'll have to spend most of my time editing and revising, because this one's gonna overshoot the word limit by a lot. Eep.
>>CoffeeMinion
>>AndrewRogue
I will steal the title to every fic you guys will ever write.
>>Posh
Man, I spent like... Friday planning out the story and then slammed the whole thing out on Saturday, which left me Sunday to revise.
Which mostly is unnoticeable formatting tweaks that'll only matter to me by GODDAMMIT THEY'RE IMPORTANT!!!!
>>AndrewRogue
I will steal the title to every fic you guys will ever write.
>>Posh
Man, I spent like... Friday planning out the story and then slammed the whole thing out on Saturday, which left me Sunday to revise.
Which mostly is unnoticeable formatting tweaks that'll only matter to me by GODDAMMIT THEY'RE IMPORTANT!!!!
>>Syeekoh See, I sorta wasn't familiar with the material I was working with, and I kinda had to watch several hours of the show to get comfortable with it... so that ate up a lot of time.
Plus, y'know, family, holidays. Got mildly drunk with my brother and his friend last night. In retrospect, I should never have wasted time with all that pointless social interaction when I could have been writing My Little Pony fanfic. Those bastards interrupted my study time./moondancer
Plus, y'know, family, holidays. Got mildly drunk with my brother and his friend last night. In retrospect, I should never have wasted time with all that pointless social interaction when I could have been writing My Little Pony fanfic. Those bastards interrupted my study time./moondancer
Cutting it close once again.
I'm glad I won't be sitting out of this round. I wish you all the best. Let's start with a bang, shall we?
>>Syeekoh
I can entirely sympathise with this feeling and I whole-heartedly support it.
I'm glad I won't be sitting out of this round. I wish you all the best. Let's start with a bang, shall we?
>>Syeekoh
unnoticeable formatting tweaks that'll only matter to me by GODDAMMIT THEY'RE IMPORTANT!!!!
I can entirely sympathise with this feeling and I whole-heartedly support it.
>>Posh
I actually teetotaled it in my apartment over New Year's, so I was good on that front.
I did have to watch bits of the show to get stuff down, but [REDACTED], you know?
>>Zaid Val'Roa
I'm glad someone else knows my pain.
I actually teetotaled it in my apartment over New Year's, so I was good on that front.
I did have to watch bits of the show to get stuff down, but [REDACTED], you know?
>>Zaid Val'Roa
I'm glad someone else knows my pain.
>>AndrewRogue
>>Syeekoh
Not if I steal it first!!
Um, or something like that.
Anyway: πππ ±π Όπ Έπππ ΄π ³! Haha!
...it sucks, but it exists, yo.
>>Syeekoh
Not if I steal it first!!
Um, or something like that.
Anyway: πππ ±π Όπ Έπππ ΄π ³! Haha!
...it sucks, but it exists, yo.
An hour fifteen left, and I've got half of the last scene to write.
Then negative thirty-eleven hours in which to give this the level of editing it deserves. :raritydespair:
On the bright side, if I keep up this wordcount pace with every day in 2017, I'll end the year having written over 2,000,000 words!
Spoiler: I won't keep up this writing pace
Then negative thirty-eleven hours in which to give this the level of editing it deserves. :raritydespair:
On the bright side, if I keep up this wordcount pace with every day in 2017, I'll end the year having written over 2,000,000 words!
Spoiler: I won't keep up this writing pace
And done. Good grief that was by far and away the closest I've ever cut a long story to this thing. Ah well, appologies for the typos in advance.
Genre: Hey guys. Guys. Seriously. Go read this one. S'funny and stuff.
Thoughts: Aw Hell. There goes mynonexistent shot at gold.
With a title this audacious, there are only two possible outcomes: disappointment at failing to live up to the insanity the premise promises, or delivering on that mofo. This does the latter. There are so many great laugh-lines, and it ends with a gesture of goodwill that resonates with me on a level I can barely put into words.
I do think it could benefit from a little tuning-up. The first big scene break was a proverbial shot of cold water on my proverbial face, because it had been going at full comedic tilt, then it suddenly just stopped. I also think some of the feels-y moments aren't getting enough oxygen here (especially a theme of jealousy that shows up) because the comedy is so strong. Sci-Twi in particular is a nonstop source of cringy laughs.
But I am very satisfied with this, and I think most everyone else will be, too. And in case you think that's self-aggrandizement, I can only wish to have written something this magnificent.
Tier: Top Contender
Thoughts: Aw Hell. There goes my
With a title this audacious, there are only two possible outcomes: disappointment at failing to live up to the insanity the premise promises, or delivering on that mofo. This does the latter. There are so many great laugh-lines, and it ends with a gesture of goodwill that resonates with me on a level I can barely put into words.
I do think it could benefit from a little tuning-up. The first big scene break was a proverbial shot of cold water on my proverbial face, because it had been going at full comedic tilt, then it suddenly just stopped. I also think some of the feels-y moments aren't getting enough oxygen here (especially a theme of jealousy that shows up) because the comedy is so strong. Sci-Twi in particular is a nonstop source of cringy laughs.
But I am very satisfied with this, and I think most everyone else will be, too. And in case you think that's self-aggrandizement, I can only wish to have written something this magnificent.
Tier: Top Contender
I have never been so tired and deep into morning when submitting one of these effing things. Everything hurts in my brain. :applejacksleepy:
Word counts: two obviously padded, four obviously hacked to bits, and the remaining thirteen written by zebra shamen who somehow know how to do that magical thing called 'moderation'
Genre: Horror/mystery/more horror
Thoughts: This suffered from some limited clarity that went beyond the premise, which, it must be said, does lend itself to unclear circumstances. But what I'm saying is that it was hard to read and make sense of at times, which was unfortunate, because this begs to let the premise stand alone as the primary source of confusion.
I'll also pick on the end. I can't say much without spoiling the whole thing, but I thought it seemed deeply unsatisfying that they all just accepted what was going on. The one character certainly had their reasons, but the other... I don't buy it. There's still a humongous source of potential danger out there, and they just accept that they shouldn't worry about it?
But for the rest of it: WOW. The slow burn of the intro really expands into something deep and horrifying as we start following leads. And there's a moment toward the end, with an old journal entry that looks innocent on its surface, which hammers home how horrific the whole situation is.
I also liked how it wove its way around canon. So much darkness in the apparent light of the happy little pony world.
One more dig about the end. Why did the one character wait until the other showed up to do what they did if they were already committed to that decision? It would have been just as effective and dramatic to show up in the aftermath of that and to ask what happened.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: This suffered from some limited clarity that went beyond the premise, which, it must be said, does lend itself to unclear circumstances. But what I'm saying is that it was hard to read and make sense of at times, which was unfortunate, because this begs to let the premise stand alone as the primary source of confusion.
I'll also pick on the end. I can't say much without spoiling the whole thing, but I thought it seemed deeply unsatisfying that they all just accepted what was going on. The one character certainly had their reasons, but the other... I don't buy it. There's still a humongous source of potential danger out there, and they just accept that they shouldn't worry about it?
But for the rest of it: WOW. The slow burn of the intro really expands into something deep and horrifying as we start following leads. And there's a moment toward the end, with an old journal entry that looks innocent on its surface, which hammers home how horrific the whole situation is.
I also liked how it wove its way around canon. So much darkness in the apparent light of the happy little pony world.
One more dig about the end. Why did the one character wait until the other showed up to do what they did if they were already committed to that decision? It would have been just as effective and dramatic to show up in the aftermath of that and to ask what happened.
Tier: Strong