Still not as bad as the time I bought ceviche from a street vendor.

Whether or not the Necronomicon has a chapter for recipes is up for debate, what's not is the quality of the story. It's engaging and colorful in it's shortness.

Also, considering the prompt, I have to give you credit for writing the first story that has made me hungry.

The last line really threw me for a few moments, until I realized it's talking about Serge being thrown in prison. It would probably be good to foreshadow that somehow, add an internal conflict to the external; his pride has kept him from turning to crime or something, and that gob of spit was the last straw? Something to make his murder really hit home to the audience on an emotional level. Because although this has clear and interesting descriptions and has an arc of sorts and a plot, it doesn't seem to do much plot-wise until the last three or four paragraphs, and that's a bit of a shame.

...and the point is...?

This is interesting enough, as a sketch of despair. However, some of these words and phrases... 'pave' for example. Paving your way would be laying something down to walk over it. That doesn't make a lot of sense here.

"A butter knife was lying on the counter as well, amidst piles upon piles of scrunched-up paper. There was probably even more on the floor. One of them was a guide to making a Hangman’s Noose." One of his butter knives is a guide to making a Hangman's Noose?

Even with those fixed, though, this seems week to me. I'd have liked... well, given my distaste for overly dark stories, maybe not 'liked'. But I'd have rated this better if it had any sort of plot or theme that I could guess at. As it is, I'm just not seeing anything of substance here. It doesn't even seem to have a trite message, like 'life sucks and then we die'.

I gotta side with Mikey here. I love me some ketchup on my hotdogs. Almost as much as I love cute Slice of life.

And cute it was. I loved the sibling dynamic, and for its shortness it did a good job of characterising both of them.

Effective and endearing. I liked it

A dying man's last meal?

This was quite interesting. That first weak scene break threw me a bit; I didn't know if what had happened in the interim was connected to the bit with the fusion cannons or what. I eventually decided that the withdrawal was a throwaway and the Captain had been hurt before the story began.

Interesting that the yeast is in the safe; might want to proof it first, especially with such a tiny measurement. Are you rising it longer to make up for that?

I didn't catch on that this was something extra-terrestrial until 'fusion cannons' dropped, I think, so a bit more of that a bit earlier might help orient people. Some of my confusion with that scene break had to do with that, I think; several of the other inconsistencies clicked for me there, and I had to re-orient.

This is subtle enough to pack a fair amount into the wordcount, and intriguing enough to hold my interest. The experimental narration worked fairly well for me. Nicely done.

I liked this, though I think it needs something more to feel complete. We get a crisp and humorous scene that rides the absurdity of its premise to overall success as a setup for a story. But right now it doesn't have much of a payoff or resolution, beyond the dude getting what he wants. What would help is some more context around why he would go to such absurdly over the top lengths to obtain something so readily available through ordinary means.

Tier: Solid (side note: I am trying to improve my alignment with/theft of Horizon's rating tiers. Mea culpa; mea maxima culpa.)

There's a lot of pretty description here, but overall, this is basically a joke. There's not much plot, and what is there is mostly simple.

I enjoyed it, but I'd like to see something deeper.

That's an oddly peculiar power. If Tiffany were to make out with someone, would sand keep falling nonstop?

Anyway, as much as I enjoyed the story--and believe me, I did. It was an endearing and cute tale--I feel somewhat cheated by the lack of resolution.

How does Rowan react to the sandstom? What is she going to do with Tiffany? How long does she have to stay with her? Will they roam the world as a supervillain duo, ruining the days of people at the beach?

I wished it would have gone for a little bit longer so we could have a better ending. As it stands, it seems incomplete. Sorry.

This was silly and made me smile, and it's different and interesting on top of that.

I liked it, and although my understanding of poetry is meager at best, it also seemed solid. Except for maybe one or two word choices.

...'glutinous paste' seems a bit of a stretch.

Well this was a beautiful story. It was a grand idea that makes sense of the sudden prompt being somewhat strange to cater too. What we here is a story that makes something of itself without hitting too much on what the topic of the competition is.

NEGATIVES
Topic-I feel as though you completely avoided the whole “I want my sandwich” topic. The characters in this piece tend to just ignore it altogether. Even though it felt like a miss, you added the topic well enough into what seems to be a very well written story about a slice of life that could have gotten so much more content. What I think would have made the sandwich more concrete in this story is a moment when the narrator herself/himself, could sit down and enjoy his own sandwich. Rather than being traumatized of such moments when dinner consisted of messy floors and broken bread pieces. If it wasn’t for the sandwich and the small word length this story would have made gold easy.

Time Skip-I understand that you were working with what you have. You did well and wrote well, but I just feel like you didn’t work with what was given to you. Instead you seemed to have done your own thing instead of adjusting to the limits given. Which is not bad. In fact I wish you weren’t limited so I can read this story it it’s full unforced-sandwiched glory! I want to read more and understand what exactly made this family what they are right now. A family that had trust issues, but they had each other. Nonetheless the love and agony of real life shines here and I wish it wasn’t so hidden by the handicaps given to you.

POSITIVES
Slice of Life-You hit this on the nail. This is exactly the type of slice of life genre content that grabs people by their ears and tells them to pay attention. Not only were there separate stories with each individual member of the family, there was potential to really dive into what kind of things they do to cope with their lives and one another. The past relationship between mother and the father who abandoned them. There is a lot of potential here and so much more I want to read. But I didn’t get that here. You highlighted the family so much, that I just didn’t understand if it even fit with the topic at hand. And it didn’t need to, gosh! I loved reading it!

Compression-The way you were able to convey so much information for you events without having to place too much detail is amazing. I got so much from reading just the first few passages about the family that it completely enthralled me into the story. Now my only issue with this is, it wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to read on and alas! The page ends on a note of a sandwich that induces PTSD. I just wasn’t convinced with the beginning and the ending of this story. In fact I don’t even know how the bread piece comes into the picture without explaining how the mother is in treating her family up to the point where it becomes dysfunctional. Maybe if you explain more, which you couldn’t, about what the mother does in this family, or doesn’t do. It would all come together.

Again! Let me address that my reviews usually have five major points that I myself can see in every story I look over. Because the fics here are so short, I have to shorten it down to four points to point out. While they may not be the strongest or weakest points of the story, it’s my opinion of what made the story good and what the author can do to take the weaker points to improve, not to place the hammer down on them or tag which stories will win or lose. I respect the authors here for what they take the courage to do, against all the odds and judgements they may face while doing it. So that is why I do these with love. Everyone can write. Now with that pushed aside, this story was just great. I wished it didn’t end as it felt like a roller coaster and ended with a small downhill slope. It just didn’t feel worth it for what it is now. I wanna see it extended and brought about in a bigger format! I’m so rooting for this one. We have our work cut out for us everyone if we’re to top the charts.

>>ZaidValRoa I believe the shadow is being cast by a nearby explosion, hinting that they really don't have much time left.

This is a strong character piece, and it slipstreamed a large amount of information very neatly. It doesn't really make a strong point, character-wise, but it's got all the elements for it, and that's worth a lot; I just wish I had a better idea of what Billy's actions meant to himself. If that was a little clearer to me, I think I'd like this one even more.

I guess the idea here is that "for some people, it's not just a sandwich."

Still... is this person seriously expecting to find salmon at a gas station? Couldn't his aide have simply pointed out how unlikely that is?

Unless this is set somewhere where salmon is common and cheap, I guess. I dunno.

There was also some weirdness for me about the minifridge. I consider salmon a high-class food. That may be because I usually subsist on noodles, rice, and beans, but this guy seems to reject the fridge, and I originally thought that was because he didn't want something high-class, since the fridge has 'Everything an important man might desire'. So, when he rejected a BLT (which I have a hard time imagining anyone disliking, although I'm sure such people exist) it threw me a bit.

I dunno. I guess I'm not really getting a very clear picture of what's actually driving John. I have a slightly better picture of Adrian, perhaps, but... I dunno. This one is just really fuzzy for me, overall.

And I had a hard time chewing through your first paragraph. Something about the arrangement of the words in that first sentence had me going back three or four times before I felt I really understood what it was saying about signs and tint and windows.

I always have a soft spot for stories with a sad spin.

This was enthralling despite its length, and really made me feel for the mother.

I'll have to repeat Remedy's comment about adherence to the prompt, though. The sandwich was well weaved into the first scene, but not so much as into the story as a whole, and that did cost it some points.

Still, other than that the story was rather enjoyable, and would have otherwise made it to the top of my list.

>>Remedyfortheheart
Can I say that I love your style of reviews?They're much more in-depth than I can hope to be, and they're quite helpful as well.

Mmm, multiple small scenes is an interesting thing to try in the minifics; if you pull it off well, it can make your story seem much longer than it actually is. This one does... fairly well, I'd say.

The subversion is interesting. The lack of space means the world is pretty blurry, but it still mostly works by suggestion and hinting. I felt the bit with her father at the end could have used a touch more foreshadowing or... something. Perhaps if her conversation with Maen had been with her father instead, and perhaps a bit earlier...? I dunno.

Ah... A day in the life of a minimum wage fast food worker.

The narrator is an interesting fellow, and should probably look into writing as a way to forget about their mortality once their shift is over.

It was a nice read. Short enough to not overstay its welcome, but still delivering an entertaining story. I liked the detail with the wordcount. Subtle.

Kudos.

This could use a bit of polishing for punctuation and pronoun confusion, especially the first half with the students. "Bracing his hands along the edge of the furniture awaiting his reply." especially threw me, since I'd normally say 'their reply' (I guess the reply can be considered 'his', since he's requested it, but...) Starting that sentence with an -ing word also caused problems for me, but I don't actually know what the rule about that is. I should learn sentence diagramming so I can give more concrete explanations for myself sometime...

I often say, in my minific reviews, that stories should have more theme or plot. This one actually does both, and it does them fairly well. However, taking the obvious route (of course a scene in a classroom should have a lesson, :P ) means this ends up feeling very obvious and blatant, which... has it's own problems. Still, I like this for what it is, and I did enjoy the professors character.

Well they have to spend their budget somehow.

Not to repeat what was said earlier, but the build-up and reveal feel somewhat disjointed. You could have embraced the wackiness and make it over the top, or played it straight and have them be serious about the retrieval mission.

As it stands, it feels somewhat dissapointing. The subversion comes too fast and there's no real payoff there.

I agree that the last line made me giggle.

It's a pity my first exposure to Transformers was the Beast Wars cartoon in the 90's, and didn't familiarise myself with the original series until Michael Bay had already tainted my impression about them.

But I digress, for what it is, the story is enjoyable. I didn't feel excluded for not knowing the source material.

There's a lot I'd like to know about this world.

Is ordering people in places that seem to be restaurants common here? Is anyone actually bothered by suddenly living in a desert, or did the sandfall kill everyone? Why does it take more than a few minutes to get her order ready?

I dunno. This is interesting, intriguing, and fairly original, and I can't help but read it as a continuation of "Where's My Sand, Witch?", but it doesn't really have a lot in the way of plot arc or resolution or theme.

It's a good start, but I think it needs more words before I'd really enjoy it.

>>Not_A_Hat
I thought it meant that Serge would rather go to prison and be fed than to keep being a vagrant with uncertain future.

I really liked this one, even if it only moves its plot forward at the very end. If him having been laid off had been better set up earlier, the story would be more well rounded and enjoyable.

Still, it's one of the better stories I've read so far.

I find myself wanting to critique your recipe more than your writing here. This isn't much of a story, so I don't actually have much to say; I'm going to assume that you understood you were leaving out any semblance of plot when you wrote this. A hint of character comes through, I guess, but not enough to really make much of. There's actually very little here. Perhaps that's the meta? A very fulfilling meal, but a fairly empty story? It would be clever if it was.

I'm not sure about that pesto mayo. You've got two sauces on here, and pesto is not something I've ever associated with steak or sausage. I think something spicy would taste better.

This story has a very strong opening, on of the best of the entries I've read till now. From that, the first part is quite entertaining and interesting. I liked Death's characterization. You gave a lot of information through simple action and its dislikes.

Then we begin the second part and it starts to become more disjointed, less interesting and a bit more telly. The ending then is the weakest part. The final scene feels disjointed and unsatisfying. While the trick solving the situation is cute, it goes still again what we know (from other literature) about how selling your soul works. While this can be an interesting detail of world-building, it lacking any explanation here is jarring. It also seems that, for all the build-up, Death arrives, says two things, and then goes. Anti-climatic endings have their place in comedy but seem to go against what we learned about the characters previously.

I Liked the story despite my criticism, but it needs some reworking in my opinion. Still, considering the constraints of time and word-count we are working with, good job.

Heh.

Well, all-dialogue is an interesting way to condense a story. It worked fairly well, since the scene-breaks kept us from having to deal with more than two characters at once. Rigid structures are good for keeping the audience clued in, and this one worked with them quite well.

I honestly found this more entertaining than the other comedy pieces I've read so far. Wacky and silly, but still interesting. Nice work!

"The lazy ones do double the work," my dad used to say.

It was a nice enough vignette and PSA about the dangers of culinary magic, but sadly I don't feel it amounts to much. There's no real depth to the story, and I wished there had been. Enjoyable for what it is, I just wished it had gone a bit further.

Having worked a cash register, I do understand this.

That being said, there's not a whole lot of plot here.

I do think this might have worked better with a little more focus on the customer; give us some concrete examples of why dealing with them is so frustrating. And, with all your hyperbole and the fact that fantasy is common fare around here, I was almost wondering if this was literally set in Hell.

I dunno. Another interesting portrait, I guess. I wish it had more story.

Oh, and I think you're missing a word in the first line.

...hmm.

This is a fairly dense and inscrutable one.

My interpretation is that some sort of monster attacked and stole the core of a nuclear power plant. I have no idea if that's right or not, or if that even fits the way 'food' is presented here (surely the ore deposits we mine uranium from would have attracted this thing?) but it's interesting.

This story is kinda like a puzzle. I think I pieced together enough to enjoy it, but there's a good chance I missed something or made a very wrong guess.

On the whole, though, I think it's pretty good. And I appreciate things that are interesting and experimental to some extent.

A little confusing to start with; I thought it might have been superheroes until I settled on the Ghost detective squad

Did a good job of filling in the details subtly and naturally. The characterization and dialog felt smooth. I liked the 'cheese and crackers' epithet. Your very large rat was a tragic ROUS missed opportunity, though.

I did feel like I never quote got the full picture of just why they were doing it. Who engaged them? Why can't the guy go looking for his own sandwich? They're lucky that the rat ghost hadn't eaten the sandwich already.

The last line made me laugh out loud.

While it didn't knock me out of the park, this was a solid and enjoyable fic.

I agree with Sue. Leonard is an idiot.

You want that reuben, rookie? Well, then you fight for it instead of whining like a pansy. Think of ways the materials can be brought aboard without compromising the integrity of the space flight. Research alternatives for storage and preparation that could be applied to other types of food as to better justify their implementation.

You know what? I hope they don't have sandwiches in Washington Station either, you entitled ass.

The story's good, though.

That's a sandwich with quite a lot of ham in it.

I feel the generic approach did wonders for the story since it would have been unremarkable otherwise.

I sympathise with Main Chara-I mean, Martin Cooper's plight. It got a chuckle out of me.

Ok, I don't want to come through as a prick here, so let me be clear about my intentions. I've seen a lot of what I consider technical errors and missteps in the recipe. If you pout them there willingly then you added a very subtle layer characterizing our gracious host. In that case, kudos, it was extremely clever and surprised me, but I need something that hints that this is the correct interpretation. It may have been far too subtle, as I expect most people to not know that the Sauce Hollandaise you describe is not Sauce Hollandaise. If this are indeed technical errors, then you can, if you want, discount my criticism here for the same reason, it's too subtle for most people to notice. Going so much into detail is also often a risk if you don't know very very well the subject.

Anyway, if the second level of meaning is there then we have an interesting character piece that tells us a lot indirectly. If not, then the story is a bit lackluster, as in not really being there. I'm still undecided if I shall interpret "With you included." as a hint to cannibalism or if it is simply a joking menace. All in all, I suspect there is some missing context here that would give the whole entry a lot more depth by helping us to understand how to read it.

>>ZaidValRoa That's what I meant, yeah, that he would be thrown in prison after what he'd done. The thing is, that statement coming out of the blue like that blindsided me, so my mind didn't immediately jump there. I started wondering if they were in a dystopia prison city or something fantasy/sci-fi. Also, hopefully wherever he is in time/space doesn't have the death sentence.

This reminded me of a comedy sketch I saw by... Red Skelton, I think, where he plays a hobo who does his best to get thrown into prison in the winter, to be out of the cold. He tries various stuff, but since it's around Christmas, everyone lets him off as he gets more and more frustrated and tries more drastic things. It was pretty silly.

Cute, well written and I liked the historical joke at the end. Nice little slice of life story. Regrettably, there's not much I can add regarding constructive criticism.

>>Ratlab

bloom3

:<

Interesting stylistic choice, and I have to echo the previous comment, it captures quite well an ending relationship. The formatting was a clever way to capture the message exchange.

And here's my only serious criticism. While Dave had a pretty solid and consistent characterization, I feel that Krystal's line lack personality. Her writing style seems to change slightly, she uses complete sentences and seems always pretty calm when writing, without any of the small typos or wrong words one expects. Her lines are almost too clean and really don't tell us much about her. Nothing an edit couldn't solve anyway.

Nice job.

The last three lines killed me.
What threw me off however was the first time where the protagonist speaks. Perhaps it was the sudden shift to the mundane way of speech. I think that all in all I would have appreciated far more if the conversation had been carried in a more flowery, self-important, pompous way or even nothing at all, communicating through expressions, movement, and a sense of will. As it is, I can't help but wonder if you didn't have enough time to properly think of what should be said at that point and left it as it. It feels placeholdery, something you meant to return to when you properly set up the rest of the story.

This one was impressive. Short and sweet and not missing too much details. It's a simple concept that goes arwy when two normal people look for a simple meal. It took me by surprise but just offers these huge events in such a short amount of time that it left me deadpan at the end.

POSITIVES
Construction-Thumbs up for you! One of the only fics I've seen that takes a good casual amount of detail without going overboard on the word limit. You don't place too much effort and you seem to just add the right amount of detail while at the same time progress the story without adding too much to it. This was fantastic to read and felt like a natural read, rather than some constricted piece. I can tell you didn't feel too much of the pressure on the limits given to all of us. Now the only thing I can say wrong about this is. You jump the gun way too quickly for your characters. The incident in question here just leaves questions while the introduction was fabulous I found the ending to just have me puzzled.

Pacing-The story was highly entertaining until. Unexpected circumstances left quite a scar on our two sandwich heroes. It was a joy to read as two people struggle to find a merger meal to fill their bellies. Guessing college students just trying to live their lives, when everything goes wrong? It doesn't feel too natural of a story. I mean every possible worst thing that could go wrong while looking for some fast food happened. Including the end result. Which I really didn't expect. It was much more fun watching these two adults look for something quick to eat rather than um, suffer the way they did. I could go without the ending and end up watching their days pass on by as they budget things together in life.

NEGATIVES
Climax-What should have been a good high peak for a conflict ended up just causing a lot of trouble for this piece in my opinion. I cannot seem to understand how it all spiraled down to untimely demise that could have easily been remedied(Hey! That's my name!). Truth be told you had me hook line and sinker until the last few passages. It really did break it for me and I think the story would do very well as a series without this type of ending. Some of the more modern hits use scripts that are based around simple needs. Your story here defines this very well by giving in to a simple need and making obstacles that people can relate too. Well until fire got in the way.

Characteristics-The characters themselves weren't very defined throughout the story. I didn't know what Troy or Russell were into or not into. Or the fact that Russell himself is squimish to the point of no return. And Troy completely abandons this fact? And somehow ignores his screaming roommate? Um. We never got the idea that Russell was that much of a clean freak and if he was he would have panicked as the sight of Troy's cut. It's implied, but not really given to us in a good way. It's shoved in our faces right at the moment. Which we cannot blame you for. Truth be told I would have eaten any of those foods. After a couple of Food network series you realize everyone touches the food they serve you before it even touches your mouth.

This was a delight to read! Oh, just the intro with Troy and Russell's antics. The cursing was a bit much, but made it so much more realistic to get into. The troubles of finding food that you want is one thing but finding nothing in the city that is humanly good enough to eat, is another thing entirely that just never happens to people. The read was serious but silly and that made it so much more charming to me. Bring Russell and Troy back please. I love those two. Lose the fire and bring me more? ♥

>>bloons3
Oops, sorry. Fixed.

>>Not_A_Hat Actually, I think it's meant to be the shadow of the nuke as it comes down. Their time is literally out.

The characters seemed a bit... typeset to me. The racist and the victim. It doesn't give a good reason why Franklin went there while waiting for the end. Why was the place where he was kicked out of the only place he had left? Was this really the only place he had left, or was Billy just less of a jerk to him than anyone else and he was his best option? No reason given, just... they are there. They sit together, the end comes, and it's not worth the effort fighting over anything now. Hatred doesn't mean much in the face of death. It's a very old lesson, and this is a weak iteration of it when considered thus. It was still interesting enough. If that was the prologue of a book, I would be interested enough to turn the page and keep reading.

Ooh, from the first two paragraphs I can tell that this is definitely going to be a good read. Nuclear apocalypse and racial prejudice? Intriguing.

The dialogue's natural and flows seamlessly, with a touch of description here and there. It kept my interest right till the end.

I'd also like to mention the ending. I guess I'm a bit biased towards implicit endings like these, but something about Billy's acceptance of what's coming fits well with the rest of the story.

Anyway, that's my two cents. I'm looking forward to seeing this in the finals. :)

This sort of experimental thing is one reason minifics are interesting. Perhaps one reason I'm bad at minifics is because I'm bad at experimental?

Hmm.

Anyways, both these characters are sorta jerks, honestly. Their relationships falls apart (more) and... I don't really care that much.

Not bad, but I'm not seeing a whole lot here, either. Still, the format was interesting.

There's not much description of the scene at the beginning, but the rest made up for it. Overall it's heartwarming and cute.

This kinda feels overwrought and overblown. Like, that turnaround was awfully quick, from quaking and cowering to listening to a grand soliloquy to just... accepting the guy's money. Unless the ending intended to imply that the MC thinks the guy's insane and just went with the 'get him out of here fast' option after regretting the question?

Man, from the title I had imagined this being about immigrants having to learn how to make some traditional Canadian sandwich as a prerequisite to becoming citizens. As it is, I'm not sure how the title fits in, anymore.

Okay looking at the story we actually get, others have already pointed out the formatting issues.

The narrator's description and observation come together to give him a strong voice. Not likable, but strong and consistent. Dialog seemed solid, the 'unsatisfactory experience' one stood out in particular.

I'm hung up by it not addressing the central question of just what is motivating this guy to actually hold up a sandwich shop. The fic had a lot of energy, though the pacing was uneven. A lot of it felt very strained, and then I almost missed the place where they actually made the sandwich.

While the scene made a strong impression, I'm not sure what it accomplished, other than 'well, that was a thing that happened' and 'damn, I feel sorry for the new girl'. You still had some words left, so you might have been able to wrap it up a bit more, but I'm honestly not sure what you'd add.

Aaaaallll right then, that happened.

This felt haphazard and silly, but I did smile a little. It's a joke. What more is there to say, I guess?

>>ZaidValRoa
Yuppers! I try. Also pay attention to my format. It's actually the basic form of a story in skeleton form. Intro, high points, change, low points, ending. All without labeling the story as good or bad by making sure each trait balances out.

>>Winston
Dang it, you beat me to the punch by... 4 1/2 hours! :-p

I dunno, as much as I don't understand why this prompt was selected (beyond the proximal cause of getting votes), it seems like those who participated had fun with it.

I'm actually kinda interested in reading more of these, despite not having a dog (or a sandwich) in this race.

Oh, to be young and innocent again...

I liked the fable-like approach of the story. And the simple narrative complemented the point of view of the little kid quite nicely. I wish there was a little more, though. Perhaps a final paragraph that ties everything together and leaves us with a hice lesson at the end. I mean, I'd like to know what's going to happen to the king. Is he going to get over his issues and chante forma the better? Is he going to remain the sale bit with the child as his only friend?

This story put a smile in my face, though I feel it could've had a much stronger ending. Still, remarkable work.

...

Wat?

I can only assume this is some kind of ASCII art that doesn't render on my iPhone.

Tier: Misaimed

Franz must be a prime übermensch if it leads to ignore some glaring signs. Good on Alice, you go get some, girl!

As it has been said, that's an interesting twist at the end, and while it closes all in a nice bow I can't help but wish there was more to the story, so we could better sympathise with Alice.

It was an entertaining little story, but nothing to write home about.

oh my god. oh my god

I can't tell what's a wall and what's an opening half the time D:

>>CoffeeMinion
it's a maze

I can't tell what's a wall and what's an opening half the time D:

it's not even a good maze

tier: needs work

A part of me has to wonder if they're not coming from a failed meeting or something along those lines. That would explain why the Prime Minister seemed a tad bummed.

Not bad. I liked the interaction with his aide Aidan (ohhh...) It hints to a stronger bond than boss and employee bit still mantains an air of professionalism.

However, I can't help bit feel that the Prime Minister is a weak character. We never dwell on how he feels, or what he's thinking beyond a superficial glance, and that drags down the rest of the story.

Dinner came late that day as Abuela stroked my mane.

What the what?

Anyway. This story has the same issue as many others. It takes the prompt and strongly uses it for one scene, but doesn't do a good job at implementing it with the rest. I can't say I blame you, though. It's just that the potential was there, but wasn't used. Maybe you could have used cooking as a way forma Sofía to bond with her grandma. Or perhaps end it so she still makes the same sandwiches ver grandma madre now that she's older.

These are minor gripes, though. This is still one of the strongest contenders in this round, it manages to be emotional without going overboard, hitting a nice balance.

Good job.

I'll have to try that PB and chili sandwich at some point...

Y'know, with that track record one has to wonder how could he function in society without someone killing him.

But enough about Trump, let's talk about the story.

Credit where credit is due, the story was fine and got quite a few chuckles from me. Troy and Russell hace a nice dynamic that flows well. Sadly, that's all there is to them. They barely hace a personslity beyond the squeamish and his foil, and end up more like traits than real people

I agree with Remedy >>Remedyfortheheart (hi again!) in that I'd love to see more of them. They could star in their own sitcom and gather a small cult following before being untimely cancelled.

>>Not_A_Hat

I didn't catch on that this was something extra-terrestrial until 'fusion cannons' dropped, I think, so a bit more of that a bit earlier might help orient people.

Seconded. The reference to Antares, Muton, and Mondatta flew over my head, so the mention of 'fusion cannons' came from left field, and unfortunately it didn't make much sense for me.

I found a typo:
comestibles should be indicated with %

>>Not_A_Hat

"A butter knife was lying on the counter as well, amidst piles upon piles of scrunched-up paper. There was probably even more on the floor. One of them was a guide to making a Hangman’s Noose." One of his butter knives is a guide to making a Hangman's Noose?

The scrunched up paper in the floor was the one with the guide.

But yeah, can't say I see the point of the story beyond an exercise in nihilism. There's no ultimate statement to be made, no uplifiting possibilities for the future, no clear condemnation of the path his decisions have lead him to. It just feels like a moment in the life of a sad, sad person.

I probably would have enjoyed this more if I hadn't eaten just a while ago...

I'm going to have to side with everyone else here, it's an enticing recipe with a likeable host, but it isn't a story. If there was a deeper meaning to be inferred from this, I'm sorry to report it was lost on me.

Are there many libraries in Paradise city? Maybe I can find a good story there.

Ohhhhhhhhh!

Sorry, that wasn't fair. The story is quite engaging, and paints a pintoresque view of the city. I can imagine Disney World opening a placer like this, and I'd definitely go visit it.

But, like the others said, a bit more of story would have done a lot to make me more immersed. Still, it was a thoroughly enjoyable read.

"I'm all out of Coke, is Pepsi alright?" cue thunder in the background

I liked the story, even if you ignore the obvious (why isn't he wishing for a sandwich? Too many variables that can to wrong? He doesn't say that)

It's a bit of an oversight, but I can't in good faith hold that against you. I liked the interaction, I like the characters, I liked the protagonist's line of thought. Not bad.

General comment here: Interesting that the first four fics I randomly flipped through all have lethal weapons involved, from guns to knives to nuclear weapons. Either there's a lot of suppressed violence in this bunch of authors or you all *really* like your sandwiches :)

Did he buy that antivenom from the office? I thought this guy was smart, in any case, you should make it look as if whomever is in the position above you seems like the guilty parte. Then, whether or not the murder attempt succeeds it doesn't matter, your superior is getting the boot.

Boom! Instant promotion.

What was I saying? Ah, right. The story.

I enjoyed it, solid characterisation for the characters and a quirky and somewhat clever plot.

It's somewhat comforting to know that beings in the underworld also have the pressure to fit in parameters set by their society.

This was awesome. It packed quite a punch for such a short length, which was helped by the use of small scenes, as mentioned above. All in all, it's a solid entry. I do wish we could have gotten another glimpse at the change of mind Lul's father experiences after reading the book instead of the faceheel turn we get.

I also feel like reading about Lul's misadventures un the Overworld. I have the feeling even the most contrarian hipster would have a hard time getting into her confections.

Maybe it's an acquired taste.

...shouldn't mazes have cake?

Y'know, flashlights are a thing that exist. Guess those two weren't too bright themselves.

To echo the previous thought, the story managed to carry itself through dialogue quite well and managed to paint a vivid picture without narration.

I wish there had been a bigger payoff to the involvement of the old man instead of just being a wrench in the duo's plan, though. It would have madre the story stand out much more.

Still, it was a nice read.

>>Dubs_Rewatcher My serif font (Georgia) messed up the spacing of it and turned it into a weird heap of misaligned punctuation. Turn out it only works in Arial.

At least I have something to add to my list of things to not do in a Writeoff:

Write about anything outside my comfort zone
Write a Facebook post, unless you’re Horizon
ASCII art

Not enough minotaur

In this episode of Roastbusters, Anna and Claire's newest case doesn't stand a ghost of a chance as our favourite super natural duo tackle the case of... The Starving Machinist!
Rated PG - Animal care, existentialism, trains.

---

I like it. Despite feeling like we missed the pilot episode where those two got together. Maybe a few important issues are left unanswered, but I guess we can blame the wordcount for that. I hope you flesh out this story a bit more at some point, I'd love to read more about their adventures. Maybe in a short story round?

Anyway, the story was well done, and effective within its limitations.

A bit Marxist, but what the hell. I can't say no to a good dystopian tale.

I feel that if the protagonist had shown signs of not trusting the government, his reaction to The Ghost's story could have been much more natural, and it would leave the reader with the impression that change is posible, even if it's just one person at the time.

The interesting presentation elevates this from being mere relationship drama. Still, that's what the story is at it's core.

Now, I love stories where relationships are put through the grinder, but there has to be a feeling of what has been lost for the audience to care, a notion of how good things used to be to serve as a contrast to how bad they are now.

It wouldn't take much, either. You could have included a short exchange of them before the wedding to show how happy they were, then no talking forma a few days, them boom! Heated talks and pleas that fall con deaf ears.

As it is right now, I feel it's a very powerful piece that burns too quickly.

At first it seems like you're going for hyperbolic metaphors, but that sets it up nicely for the twist at the end; I'm going to believe the 'literal hell' interpretation. Descriptions are one of the strong points, nicely balanced between being literal and plausible exaggeration.

It's well laid out; the scene is gradually and cleverly painted. Unfortunately all the setup doesn't leave much room for character or plot; the protagonist isn't able to do much.

Overall, this feels like an interesting setting to work with, but not much actual story.

While I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy our trip to the mountains of hunger, I share the sentiment that the ending left a lot to be desired. In execution, if not in concept.

I think I would have preferred it had the story pitted two Elder Beings in a constante back and forth, the theft of the sandwich being the latest in an unending series of pranks and jabs, and the narrative reflected that. I suppose you probably were going for the bait and switch, but it wasn't my cup of existential tea.

The story had some colorful imagery, I liked that. Plus, the notion of being trapped for eternity in a busy Monday morning is indeed terrifying.

I feel that the disjointed succession of events and the random snippets of dialogue help to drive that sensation of blearinness, annoyance and mild insanity proper of Hell/morning diners.

Parte of me wants more, while another is just glad I don't have work tomorrow. Nicely done.

If Cindy is abused that often, you'd think the doctors would have said something. Unless we're in the fifties.

I'll be honest, when the story reached the point where Timmy broke his arm, I chuckled. I know I'm terrible, but the story keeps hammering (heh) the issue of physical abuse so much it lost some of it's impact.

As >>Ceffyl_Dwr said, if instead of focusing solely on the physical and verbal abuse the narrative had shown us part of the emotional and mental anguish Steven put his family through, if only for variety's sake, it would' ve been easier to get investef in the story.

Death seems rather petty, but I guess centuries of killing mortals and light years of red tape will do that to you.

It's not bad, but I would have preferred a different ending that tied Brooke and Death more closely instead of just a joke. As it stands, I feel the story wastes two interesting characters for the sake of commentary on the state of bureaucracy.

Someone reeeeeeally wanted the Most Controversial prize.

I was wondering why nobody had commented in this one. The maze deserves all the attention bit none can be spared here? Really?

Oh, well. I can see why some may abstain from commenting. It's an interesting piece, I'll give you that. The short, let's say, verses make it feel fast paced and carries that sense of hopelesness present in the narrative. I can't help but wonder, however, just how much substance was sacrificed in name of style.

I appreciate what was done here, though I can't see myself giving it proper judgment.

For what it's worth, I genuinely enjoyed the story.

What's with the Lovecraftian imagery? Seems like a recurring theme in a lot of entries.

I want to believe this was actually a koala that's foraging for food, and it's described as it was because the koala has that image of itself.

I wish I had that koala's self-esteem.

Random thought: as I read, I couldn't help but notice several entries had very similar concepts. You could almost pair them.

Huh...

Amazeing work. :)

Huh. I was fully expecting Troy to have killed Russell for denying him his sandwich at the end there (I mean, I would have). I'm not sure the first part of the conclusion (Russell's self-immolation) really worked for me... even given the comedic escalation of Russell's... quirks, it seemed somewhat excessive a reaction. The second part? Well, it's topical and with just the right kind of satirical filling (see what I did there?) to bring a smile to my face.

As for the rest of the fic? Well, it felt well-paced and managed to strike a nice balance between detail and plot for the most part, and some of the descriptions about Russell's reactions were pretty humourous. That's all Russell and Troy were though, really: a bunch of reactions and actions, with very little else to define them. Personally speaking, I wanted to see a little bit more detail beyond all that, although I guess it does still work well enough within the style (and limitations) of the fic.


Subway, of course, declined to comment, except to announce that an internal review of procedures was taking place.

Nice work. Thanks for sharing.

I can’t say that the reinterpretation of the prompt as ‘sand witch’ is original, but the execution of this idea is interesting so far.

However, I’ll have to agree with Zaid (>>ZaidValRoa) above—it’s as if the story was abruptly cut off halfway through. I feel a bit cheated.

It would work wonders as a short story, though. Truly a shame this round isn’t one.

Oh, now this I liked. Some nice subtlety of message underpinning what, at its heart, felt like a recasting of Beauty and the Beast... only, with snacks. Occasional descriptive elements really underpin the narrative PoV, so that we know we are seeing the world through the eyes of a child, rather than having to rely overly on labels. I think it does need a touch more foreshadowing of the King, though, just to bring the moment of realisation, and what it could mean, into greater relief. It works as it is, of course, but I just felt that some of the King's speech was attempting to do the work of earlier paragraphs as well as escalate the content/conflict.

I also don't know whether it's because I've just read through a bunch of fics with darker themes, but for a millisecond that ending felt sinister. Then it didn't, and I'm going to embrace the non-sinister interpretation.

Top of the pile stuff, here. Thanks for sharing.

Ah, the first of the many 'sand witch' interpretations that I've been hearing so much about. I don't mind that in the slightest... there's been more than a few fics that interpreted the prompt at face value too, and it's all in the execution anyway.

And this is executed pretty well, actually, occasional awkward phrasing aside (The entity across him, more light silhouette than entity). There are some moments of witty banter that brought a smile to my face, particularly this:

"And you don't need help turning into a pig!" She leaned over him, her nose almost touching his. "I can read your mind."

Though i do have to question his concerns, somewhat. Ratio of stories referencing witches and genies notwithstanding, you are far more likely to come into mortal peril from associating with a genie. Hasn't Theo read One Thousand and One Nights?

The reveal of her wants elevates this fic in my opinion, particularly as by this point the play on 'sand witch' was in danger of outstaying its welcome. The last line is good, but given what is revealed about her character, and her appraisal of her situation, I think a reaction other than laughter would have made it work better for me.

Not bad, this. Thanks for sharing.

Man, why hasn't Death been pulled up yet by his superiors? His obsession must creating a pretty long list of overdue... um, clients by now, right?

This was quite good, though. As >>Orbiting_kettle has already said, the opening scene is particularly strong, supporting a fine balance of story and concept. After that... concept kind of wins out, and the telling of the story felt weaker as a result. I'm not sure the ending actually resolves anything, either. It just felt like another failed attempt by Death, rather than an actual conclusion. That penultimate line made me smile, but I was kind of left wanting something more.

Still, scores for neat characterisation and strength of prompt interpretation. Thanks for sharing.

Like the others, I thought this was a clever take, but... I don't know, it just didn't do anything for me. The second half felt quite congested/info-dump-y, and I felt my immersion wavering somewhat. That could be down to reader preference over anything you're actually doing/not doing, Author.

Not for me, but I suspect I might be in the minority there. Thanks for sharing your work.

Well, that's my slate clear. Time to see what fics lie beyond the wall.

The premise sounds all too bizarre: aiming a gun to force a worker to make a sandwich. Why would he go to such extreme measures, especially for something as trivial as this? Wouldn’t the girl have made the sandwich anyway? It doesn’t make much sense to me, and it doesn’t read as something that could plausibly happen.

Despite this, I like the consistent tone of the narrator, both in dialogue and otherwise. All throughout the fic is he brash and impatient in his words and thoughts, and his character fits the premise well.

While the existing descriptions are effective in telling the story, they don’t get into much detail about his surroundings. A few more sentences placed here and there would help flesh the narrator’s world out some more.

Gonna try this round to keep feedback to a minimum so I'm not spending all week typing reviews.

This story does that thing that I hate in literary fiction, of launching into digressions at the drop of a hat to break up the narrative:

The question slipped out. “Why do you wear this robe?”

Abuela’s strokes quickened, and it reminded me of the strength that lived in her fingers. It was with those fingers that she worked as a weaver for fifty years ...

That's not to say it's a bad thing. But it's a style I don't appreciate for its own sake, and here there are points at which it seems unusually blatant to me (like above). I know there's a way to do this right/engagingly, since I've seen stories that chaotically leap about without sacrificing that sense of flow, but unfortunately I don't read nearly enough literary fiction to tell you how to get there. :(

Against that, there are a number of nice turns of phrase here. The opening packs in a lot of information without feeling as dense as it is, and the brief portrait of the abuela is effective with well-chosen details. I may not appreciate the forest but I like the trees.

I always wondered how she could stand wearing such a garment in this heat. Even now, with haze covering my brain, I stared into the fabric, kneading the stitches.

The narrative leap forward here is confusing and a little premature, and the ending feels very abbreviated. I think this particular story would benefit from sticking to chronological order, and expanding out the final section past the 750-word cap.

On the whole, this is kind of an archetypical Writeoff story: I can see glimmers of quality, especially in the details of the prose, but it feels constrained by time/wordcount/lack of editing. It's the first thing I'm rating but it's probably going to end up in around the middle of my slate.

Tier: Almost There

And re prompt usage (cf. >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>ZaidValRoa): first let me note that there is no "right" way to vote, and it is perfectly legitimate to dock points for weak prompt adherence. That said, my personal opinion is that the prompt is a starting point rather than an endpoint, and as long as you can squint and see the prompt from some angle in the story, I'm inclined to otherwise completely ignore that in my scoring. Here's why. In a round with several dozen rapid-fire stories — especially with an unusually unambiguous prompt like "Look, I Just Want My Sandwich" — the cumulative effect of them all makes the obvious interpretation tedious, and it's easy to succumb to reader fatigue. Authors willing to take liberties with the interpretation break that up and give you something fresh; it's a necessary mercy if you read beyond a single slate.

>>ZaidValRoa Yeah, similar with me. I can’t think of anything to discuss apart from the fact that I enjoyed it. It’s just that good.

Interesting delayed hook here: the first three paragraphs didn't grab me, but boom with the fourth.

Agreed with >>Ratlab that this has a steady and subtle hand on the exposition wheel. I'm not sure that it explains everything it should — the ghost of the rat and especially ghost of the sandwich raise some questions for me of the rules this operates under, and I think this suffers a titch in the emotional engagement department from never seeing the client on screen despite the central role they play — but this does what it sets out to do, tells a complete and self-consistent story in its space (no small thing), and I'm curious for more.

Tier: Solid

Nitpick: Missing word in the first paragraph.

“Look, I just want my sandwich.”

Direct prompt drops are always a bit risky, especially in a minific round. They're a fourth-wall break, basically, and it's hard not to feel like you don't trust your readers to evaluate how you interpreted the prompt. I try not to penalize them in my scoring because they often are a new-author not-knowing-the-group-norms thing (and that shouldn't be cause for penalty), but I've been doing Writeoffs so long that it feels a bit to me like running across the narrative bludgeoning of "Twilight died, and everyone was sad."

Also, I didn't realize that the plane was still in the air until three paragraphs from the end. The cold open strongly implied this picked up in the aftermath of a crash. I suggest adding something about a beeping warning from the autopilot being engaged, maybe?

Ultimately, I think this leaves me with too many questions to be effective horror. How did a demon dog appear on a plane in midair? Why didn't they have any warning of the attack if they have a monitor showing the cabin? Why does he assume there might be other survivors if the cabin is a bloodbath and the dog is reduced to beating down a locked security door for new victims? (And why wouldn't any survivors get masks of their own when the cabin depressurizes?) However, I think the disorientation of the opening narrative was a nice touch, and the protagonist's reactions and emotions feel believable throughout (even if the descriptions felt a bit flat, overusing "blood").

Tier: Almost There

I feel like this buries the lead, as they say in the newspaper biz. There's four paragraphs with no hint of future in the setting and then suddenly in paragraph 5 we have infopads and battle armor. (Also, wouldn't the narrator have noted the battle armor while she was sizing up the threat of their being armed?)

... and then an excuse fight. No, really, what was the "we want you to leave" bit about if they planned to murder her in cold blood all along? Why give her the chance to react?

The whole world around me vanished, bursting like a soap bubble. Sound, vision, smell, all had gone. No shitty little diner full of smelly hicks and slutty girls laughing at stupid jokes, no glorified lead-spitters with delusions of grandeur, just darkness, agony, and rage.

I think I see what you're going for here -- that being shot unleashed some sort of ... inner demon or something? ... that completely changes the narrator's emotions about the world around them? It works thematically, I think, but not textually. We don't see Jenny's pre-change opinions of the diner or its inhabitants (and in fact we don't see any of those inhabitants ever: where are the hicks and the laughing girls when Jenny first walks in and sits down? When the guns are pulled? How many people died in the restaurant; why don't we hear their screams or see them try to flee?), so there's no context to establish unreliable narration.

As the above implies, this is another story (like Deliberate Action) which left me with many questions. And while the core concept is a lot more solid -- and I'm more enthusiastic to see this fully developed -- in its present state I don't think it holds together as well as a story. The tension of Deliberate Action is in the outmatched narrator dealing with a bizarre and unknown threat; the core conflict here is robbed of tension by the abrupt switch from standoff to murder, and because we never see any victims besides the armed assholes, the aftermath is emotionally muted despite the huge implications. Slow down, show us some people (and the narrator being nice before the shift!), and milk the standoff some more before launching into the extended denouement.

Tier: Needs Work. Though this is a case where I feel my rating doesn't reflect the story's potential, which is easily TC-worthy, and I highly encourage a second draft.

I would have been interested in reading this outside of the parameters of the minific round, as the word limit and approach taken left me with way more questions than was probably intended. Most of those have already been highlighted by >>horizon so I won't repeat them again.

I do feel that the initial sense of disorientation created an interesting dynamic to the opening, although I'm not sure the detachment felt right at times. Kind of almost feels as though it might have been a stronger approach to have adopted a first person stream of consciousness, to better show the increasing levels of clarity in the protagonist as to his situation. As it was, there were a series of flat observations, and then suddenly "a plan". I mean, there wasn't even a reaction from him on noticing the demon dog... it all left me feeling at arms length from the immediacy of a terrifying situation, and that weakened the horror element for me.

Not bad, and certainly an interesting take on the prompt, but not without its issues. Thanks for sharing your work.

I don't have much to say here that hasn't already been more succinctly put by >>Not_A_Hat. Some of the build-up tickled my cheeks, but I think something else needed to replace the fairly obvious ending for me to have been more satisfied. Well written, though. Thanks for sharing your work.

Powerful, there's not much I can say here. Judging poetry is well beyond my current capabilities, which means that I can only say if I liked it or not without offering any useful comments.

I liked it quite a lot. Sorry for not being more helpful.

Weather opening. And while that's not a huge sin here, since the extreme weather adds an immediate sense of danger, the first sentence really doesn't establish anything important to the story except for the weather, and it's not even the titular rain! I'd look for ways to punch up those first few sentences, establishing some facts about the protagonist or situation that draw us in (like you do in sentence 3 with the men he's following, prompting the question of why).

“Blast it all!” I scream as I leaned on the fourth wall, “I just wanted a sandwich!”

:facehoof:

Okay, well, uh, that was a thing that derailed. This is pretty much a textbook Shaggy Dog Story, and I wish that the meta punchline had been set up by more than the last few paragraphs of the story, because I felt cheated by the ending. In hindsight, it's pretty clear that the whole storm thing was there to enable the wall-leaning gag, but even in hindsight it makes no sense to me: if the storm is about to rip the roof off, bracing the walls won't accomplish anything. And, well, I know I've appreciated stupid pun endings before, but it's a matter of properly setting expectations: I want the punchline to be something that in hindsight I should have seen coming from the very beginning, as opposed to yanking away all your setup for a prompt drop. (See >>horizon for my opinions on prompt drops.)

Tier: Misaimed

Mostly agreed with >>Ratlab, though personally, I have a low tolerance for Lovecraftian prose, and this blew past the high registers of my purple-o-meter and shorted it completely out. I mean, at

Craters and pustules made the landscape of its face a fractal testimony to the futility of existence.

... I actually had to stop and put the story down for a minute.

> 666 words

I see wot u did thar ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tier: Flawed but Fun based almost entirely on those last two paragraphs, Misaimed otherwise

Edit: See also >>horizon

Also, I've gotta stop reviewing for the night and catch a nap before work, but I just wanted to give the Writeoffs a collective thumbs-up for getting every story at least one review within the 24-hour mark, and with all but a few stories at 2+. Well done! :D

>>Ceffyl_Dwr Okay, wall of text incoming. Look away now those of a non-STEM disposition.

The math is a little iffy. On the face of things my source (Atomic Rocket) suggests that at 10% efficacy deuterium fusion would be between 8-10TJ/kg, or about 5,000 times the stated energy density. Cancelling through that would put the extra cost for the sandwiches at $2,000, which you might be able to get the crew to pay for if they chipped in.

This is a pretty crude way of working out the costs, though. For pretty much any journey of this kind of distance you're less worried about the raw energy and more worried about the delta/v of the rocket. Adding extra dry mass means that you need more fuel and more propellant, though we're using an undefined engine and dry mass so I can't say how much more of either you'd need.

The increase is probably unimportant, however, as rocket being described is a torch ship (a sci-fi staple consisting of continuous acceleration towards your target until the midpoint, then continuous deceleration) and such designs have insane levels of delta/v. So insane that for the most part it makes a mockery of the gram-counting that's a staple of our current space programs. For example, the delta/v requirement to transfer between low-Earth and low-Mars orbit for the route our current probes use is about 5.8km/s, a torch ship would take 2,990km/s!

Adding a quarter ton of sandwich ingredients to the dry mass would increase delta/v requirements (by some incalculable amount as we lack the raw figures) but that would just mean turning down the engine and slowing the overall transit by a fairly negligible amount.

How negligible? Well to demonstrate.

Mission time equals T = 2 * sqrt[ D/A ]

Where:

T = transit time (seconds) = ???
D = distance (meters) = 225,000,000,000 (Earth/Mars average distance)
A = acceleration (m/s2) = 4.9 (0.5g as stated)

Therefore:

T = 428,571 (about 5 days)

Now, also:

Delta/v = 2 * sqrt[ D * A ]

So:

Delta/v = 2,100,000 m/s (which doesn't match precisely with the number used above because I've taken a bunch of abstractions)

Now, lets be really, really generous and say catering for the crew shaves ~5% off this and puts us at a delta/v of 2,000,000m/s. Distance doesn't change so A becomes:

A = 4.44m/s

And T must therefore be:

T = 450,000

Approximately 21,400 seconds slower, or six hours or 5% of the original transit time.

Given the crew's about 300 and they presumably are hauling a lot of cargo then the actual impact is going to be significantly smaller and so the time difference even less, maybe as little as a few minutes.

TLDR: the small delay and the extra fuel would cost the company additional money, yes. But far less than the stated amount and if the company were interested in saving money they would be doing literally any other mission profile than a Brachistochrone transfer which is mathematically the most inefficient way of getting between two points in space.