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Hm this was a good read. A highly confusing jumble mix of emotions and questions. Overall it wasn't too bad, though I felt I had to picture something entirely not in the story to make it more entertaining for myself. while reading this story, I though of a steampunk world. Where files were tape recordings. Where religion was mixed in with politics so much that certain deities and morals were encumbered into golem like creatures. Programed to withhold these morals like a bible type of terminal.
From what I got in this story was that a lone golem was affecting the others. The method wasn't know, but one thing is for sure. That the natural golems from the government were starting to malfunction and break down, due to someone; or something's; intervention. We take a look at two inspectors , form this government, who ask a favor of a priest to track down the current golems meant for public religious use. Not sure why the priest himself was asked to do this rather than the proper authority figures, but he did a great job tracking down the culprit. Which turns out to be the result of a certain project. Which we the readers would have to assume it's a sentient golem that thinks logically while at the same time has been filled to the brim with the knowledge of the other golems. The main struggle in this story was so psychological that it was mind blowing. It's really something to commemorate about. Onto the review.
NEGATIVES
-Complexity
This story seems to be so complex and difficult to understand that I needed to reread how many sentences or look up the terms used in the plot. Doing this breaks your reader away from the immersion of the whole story. Thus breaking the whole emotional bond part of the experience. You worked hard either finding these words and using them in your story, but do very horribly trying to explain it to the reader. Your audience needs to be able to grabs the things going on in your story, in order for it to come alive and speak out to them. Being interesting is one thing, but being interesting can lead to some complications.
-Detailing and Backstory
This bothered me. Once again we find ourselves tossed into a world with no intro of what we might run into. With little to no backstory on the characters. Though the author does a really proficient job explaining the occupancies of the characters' jobs. With Emet being a Priest for the public, Adam being a detective, Loewre being his partner of sorts. Even with the villain's background in the mystery of the tape file which is given to Emet to adi in his own investigation. I could care less for the characters, but I had enough reason to believe that they were doing justice within the story, that I was rooting for them to succeed in the end. It was like watching a wrestling match at a really young age. You know who the good guy is and thus you root for the good guy because you know he's trying to fight fairly and do the correct hing. Other than that I had no connections with the characters besides their struggles. Which was merely on a personal level over one crime. Which is very well done indeed. Though I wanted more out of Emet and especially the detectives. In fact we don't even seem to be informed about how these characters look like or their age bracket. we're to assume that Emet is much older, since he's giving advice to others and his job as a priest, and that Adam and Loewe are old enough to be working as cops. Even the golems were lacking on detailing. Leaving little to imagine over than voices and stick figures.
-Word Usage and recycling?
The names were throwing me off left and right. I could barely manage a one shot read without having to try to research some name or phrase to decipher the story. The names were so over used that I just didn't care anymore. Some board or guy caressing and blessing this and that in their wake. I really didn't care. Those names didn't need to be in the story so much. In fact looking back at your story, the phrase used with these names take up one third of your entire story. Leaving that much material to be confusing and just bland. It was highly creative but you need to give the audience something to follow. If they don't follow the story ends up just like a speech. Words on a page that people tend to drone out. It gave me something to learn about though. With a certain religion and it's beliefs leaving more than just a story but a religious overlook in the eyes of an old fashion priest. Overall I loved Emet's take on life and how he was able to tell lie from truth. I just didn't like how he spoke out.
POSITIVES
-Climax
Knowing what Emet was feeling and seeing all his training come to a failed attempted at reasoning with this culprit, only made me shake in anticipation as I read on. The battle of words falling over one another as reasoning and logic were the only weapons allowed on this battlefield. It was a golem that could ahve easily shredded Emet alive and Emet clearly shows his fears as he was confused and began questioning his own faith. While it was left unclear if the regular golems were damage through means of physical behavior or logic matrix loops, Emet was scared of not only losing his life, but more so his own religious morals. The golem even challenges this by asking Emet to judge him. Much like the government had already done so in the damage he had caused. The ending comes to a sudden stop and just left me with an all time high that could have been sculpted into something very very beautifully done. By leaving the conflict at the end, you really don't give your own story an ending. Instead you leave your readers wanting more or little to no reason as to see Emet's demise or triumph.
-Setting
While it took forever to gauge anything for an image or the time period. Readers would assume it's somewhere along the lines of a futuristic period? I ask that like a question because this can still work for steampunk worlds and worlds like in the universe of "The Order" or like something from "Wild Wild West". The technology and plot can basically fit into both of these timelines, but it's never addressed so it leaves one to wonder and ponder back. Which backtracking takes away from the quality of the story as it breaks the focus of the reader. But this is a positive due to it leaving the reader's mind to think freely about what he may prefer. While I may have thought of it like a post-apocalyptic steam punk world others may have though of it as a futuristic tech world with the glow lights that were described in the story. Leaving your audience the freedom to think about the world can spice things up and leaves them interested for more. the way certain lights were described could have either been oil lamps and candle or just light bulbs designed to shine like a star. I loved the ability to set up my own images while at the same time immerse myself in the story.
This read was very good. Aside from the fact it confuses you every other line. The meat of it all coming to the point that the author made great use of the character's dialogues and conflicts. the lacking of information hurt this story so much that I kept finding myself brought back into reality time and again. What really doesn't do this amazing work justice is just how it comes to an end. The author could have easily spent another hour and used a scene skip to show the end results of Emet and the angel. Instead we're left with an open conflict that didn't seem to benefit from a good background behind it. I didn't know why it seems to be a religious argument all the time, but it was epic. I don't know why a priest is strolling around town for this investigation, when the officials should already know where to look? Though who am I to judge this wonderful world the author created? Overall, this story is not meant for people who don't wanna research on terminology outside of the story. Or if they can't seem to get into a street slum style crime mystery scene. The atmosphere was great but was questionable. The wordings were masterfully done, but so complex. The conflict was amazing for all it's simplicity, but was left with a wide opening, which left hanging feelings that go nowhere. Overall well done, sir or madam. Keep it up. I'd love to see a second chapter to this one. Probably one that explains this universe more?
Well here we go. Hope this goes better than last time. Wish me luck. As I wish you all a horrible demis- I mean. I wish you all the best!
Reviews will be starting soon in a couple of hours. I'll base mine on a dice roll system. This time! I wanna review them all!
Reviews will be starting soon in a couple of hours. I'll base mine on a dice roll system. This time! I wanna review them all!
Many of you probably know me by my stories. Oh wait. Actually you know me because I'm a convoluted psycho! Oh.... not even by that? Sooo....maybe you don't know me?! Either way it's nice to meet cha! Remedy is on the scene and I hope we can get along. I just wanna make some memories you won't forget anytime soon.
Wooooooooow..... wow....... just....... wooooooooow by Lunas mane why?! Just WHY!!!!?
Okay. The Dulling Effect pertains to what happens when a gem or other luxurious stone loses it gleaming properties. In this case our "Dazzlings" have lost their all awe-inspiring skills. Thus it can be labeled as a certain dulling effect. The title was a play on words and yet it seemed to pass as if it wasn't since dull is also used to mention the loss of sharpness in a knife. You could kinda say this fit with it too but I was more along the lines aiming towards the lackluster qualities in precious stones.
What do you do when all you've known for centuries ends up becoming undone? When your way of life and means of getting anything in the world was suddenly out of your reach? This is the Dazzlings case. Explained in their lore these three have counted on their hypnotic ways, much like a predator would or their prey. There's no evidence that a sea pony, or siren, had had any life prior to gaining their magic. It had also been so long that logically they would have loss the sense for self independence at a certain point. Which is why the girls act unruly all the time, I mean take a look Sonata! Doesn't see look like the face of evil?!
I took these ideas and thought about how sad it must be to be not only beaten down, but to be lost. To know where you're at what you're doing, but with no way of accomplishing things in the only way you know how. In my opinion, these three have been tossed to the streets with no one to help them now. This is where Discord comes in. The most unruly man of the school who can come to understand what it means have his life flipped around and being unappreciated.
So scriptwise I think we're done. Now onto explanations! This story was designed to be -yup you guessed it!- a 10,000 long story. It was a last minute idea in the last 3 hours of the submission timeline. Go figure! With nothing else to work with I went with this idea and had a horrible horrible horrrilbe time. I ended up deleteing over 3,000 words and had to scrunch everything I wanted hoping that it all made sense in the end. Ending result being "find a guide" AGAIN! Don't tell people to look up guides people. Sometimes they just wanna know what exactly is wrong. In this case I already knew. So after deleting the recap, intro, ending, Discord's description, half the banter between the Dazzlings in the alleyway, and the extended scene with the Dazzlings "sneaking" behind Discord", I ended up with my worst piece of entry for this community. Can you blame me? Told you I'm not one for minifics.
Script order for those who are interested. Yes this all came to me within 3 hours.
-Dazzlings' experience (POV) getting defeated in stage: Basically a recap of the recent events. If you watch closely Adagio is the only one to grab onto the bits of her broken necklace.
-The chase and Alleyway scene: This was suppose to bring in a bit more detail on how cruel their breaking point must have been. Being pelted with food trinkets, and worst of all since they can't seem to remember it, the hateful slanderous jeering coming from the crowd. Even the Alleyway scene was suppose to have more depth to it as the three contemplate on their dire situation.
-Discord's appearance: This one was gonna be simple. A man dressed in a colorful suit having multi colored hair and accessories a like. He was suppose to come in and have a deeper conversation and well. You've seen the cut up version. I was so unhappy with how bland Discord came out that I overlooked the errors on his part since he became such a small detail within the story.
-Coming Home: There was suppose to be more explained to why Discord was taking the girls in, but as villains their have their pride. So the endings result was gonna be Discord acting like he gave up and the Dazzlings being stubborn to take such aide from a man not fully under their control, as they're routinely subjected to. The result being Discord just leading the girls home and the Dazzlings (smart girls btw) knew they had nothing to go by at this point. Smart capable girls? They are not. Just look at Sonata! So they end up in a very uncomfortable position with a stranger who is labeled as a bad person just like they suddenly were.
The ending was suppose to be a cute breakfast scene with the new family. Adagio would argue and make a fuss with Discord as he sipped his tea on a strange looking teacup. The conversation needed to end with a sharp bold statement coming from the man. Which I never got the chance to do so.
In the MLP world things usually go well enough that people aren't really suffering or brought to their eventual doom. So I figured it be more canon giving these three the chance the show usually gives to it's villains. Curse Hasbro for the level of forgiveness they wrought unto such criminals. So I saw it fitting to have the girls somehow not being fully redeemed, BECAUSE THAT WOULDN.T MAKE SENSE! RIGHT PONY HITLER!, but somehow coming out of their downfall and becoming just normal girls. Of course they would still be hated in school, but now they can survive and learn once more.
Eventually I ended up creating the rest of the script with several days of school for the three girls. Having to deal with a hateful public, and some cute moment where the girls find Discord to be the most magical person in the school, yes there's no magic in Discord but low and behold! I have made him a magician! No seriously he does a couple of card tricks and fools the three girls into thinking he understood their magical powers to fully bond with them. A little white lie but "everyone needs a bit of magic in their life, no?" As Discord would say.
Gee look at that. I've written pass 750 words. Again. The premise was quite a bold one and well. I had no choice if I wanted to enter this contest. So I went with it. Not sure to say if I got anything out of it but it's gonna be another one waiting in my sandbox just collecting dust until I'm happy enough with my skills to give it it's due. Good ideas, bad writing. And that makes me unhappy to write them or continue them. I wanna say thank you for reading it, but as some people have explained. It was a bad experience reading it and I had a bad experience mincing my work to the bone. So I'm sorry. Especially to Hat and Quill who force themselves to push through each story no matter how cringey it is or how much they dislike it. So thank you, but I should really say Sorry.
What do you do when all you've known for centuries ends up becoming undone? When your way of life and means of getting anything in the world was suddenly out of your reach? This is the Dazzlings case. Explained in their lore these three have counted on their hypnotic ways, much like a predator would or their prey. There's no evidence that a sea pony, or siren, had had any life prior to gaining their magic. It had also been so long that logically they would have loss the sense for self independence at a certain point. Which is why the girls act unruly all the time, I mean take a look Sonata! Doesn't see look like the face of evil?!
I took these ideas and thought about how sad it must be to be not only beaten down, but to be lost. To know where you're at what you're doing, but with no way of accomplishing things in the only way you know how. In my opinion, these three have been tossed to the streets with no one to help them now. This is where Discord comes in. The most unruly man of the school who can come to understand what it means have his life flipped around and being unappreciated.
So scriptwise I think we're done. Now onto explanations! This story was designed to be -yup you guessed it!- a 10,000 long story. It was a last minute idea in the last 3 hours of the submission timeline. Go figure! With nothing else to work with I went with this idea and had a horrible horrible horrrilbe time. I ended up deleteing over 3,000 words and had to scrunch everything I wanted hoping that it all made sense in the end. Ending result being "find a guide" AGAIN! Don't tell people to look up guides people. Sometimes they just wanna know what exactly is wrong. In this case I already knew. So after deleting the recap, intro, ending, Discord's description, half the banter between the Dazzlings in the alleyway, and the extended scene with the Dazzlings "sneaking" behind Discord", I ended up with my worst piece of entry for this community. Can you blame me? Told you I'm not one for minifics.
Script order for those who are interested. Yes this all came to me within 3 hours.
-Dazzlings' experience (POV) getting defeated in stage: Basically a recap of the recent events. If you watch closely Adagio is the only one to grab onto the bits of her broken necklace.
-The chase and Alleyway scene: This was suppose to bring in a bit more detail on how cruel their breaking point must have been. Being pelted with food trinkets, and worst of all since they can't seem to remember it, the hateful slanderous jeering coming from the crowd. Even the Alleyway scene was suppose to have more depth to it as the three contemplate on their dire situation.
-Discord's appearance: This one was gonna be simple. A man dressed in a colorful suit having multi colored hair and accessories a like. He was suppose to come in and have a deeper conversation and well. You've seen the cut up version. I was so unhappy with how bland Discord came out that I overlooked the errors on his part since he became such a small detail within the story.
-Coming Home: There was suppose to be more explained to why Discord was taking the girls in, but as villains their have their pride. So the endings result was gonna be Discord acting like he gave up and the Dazzlings being stubborn to take such aide from a man not fully under their control, as they're routinely subjected to. The result being Discord just leading the girls home and the Dazzlings (smart girls btw) knew they had nothing to go by at this point. Smart capable girls? They are not. Just look at Sonata! So they end up in a very uncomfortable position with a stranger who is labeled as a bad person just like they suddenly were.
The ending was suppose to be a cute breakfast scene with the new family. Adagio would argue and make a fuss with Discord as he sipped his tea on a strange looking teacup. The conversation needed to end with a sharp bold statement coming from the man. Which I never got the chance to do so.
In the MLP world things usually go well enough that people aren't really suffering or brought to their eventual doom. So I figured it be more canon giving these three the chance the show usually gives to it's villains. Curse Hasbro for the level of forgiveness they wrought unto such criminals. So I saw it fitting to have the girls somehow not being fully redeemed, BECAUSE THAT WOULDN.T MAKE SENSE! RIGHT PONY HITLER!, but somehow coming out of their downfall and becoming just normal girls. Of course they would still be hated in school, but now they can survive and learn once more.
Eventually I ended up creating the rest of the script with several days of school for the three girls. Having to deal with a hateful public, and some cute moment where the girls find Discord to be the most magical person in the school, yes there's no magic in Discord but low and behold! I have made him a magician! No seriously he does a couple of card tricks and fools the three girls into thinking he understood their magical powers to fully bond with them. A little white lie but "everyone needs a bit of magic in their life, no?" As Discord would say.
Gee look at that. I've written pass 750 words. Again. The premise was quite a bold one and well. I had no choice if I wanted to enter this contest. So I went with it. Not sure to say if I got anything out of it but it's gonna be another one waiting in my sandbox just collecting dust until I'm happy enough with my skills to give it it's due. Good ideas, bad writing. And that makes me unhappy to write them or continue them. I wanna say thank you for reading it, but as some people have explained. It was a bad experience reading it and I had a bad experience mincing my work to the bone. So I'm sorry. Especially to Hat and Quill who force themselves to push through each story no matter how cringey it is or how much they dislike it. So thank you, but I should really say Sorry.
>>Monokeras
"God damn French people!" Remedy sat up with a limb rubbing at his closed eyelid, which then shuffled to his temple, in an attempt to ease his groggy state and the throbbing in his head. The cause?: He had awoken to several sounds next door caused by another tenant. A series of shuffling feet, a body that has been rolling on a mattress for hours on end, and the now the very loud drop of an Android smartphone. He had had enough.
Now the usually smiling flirt of a pony was always humble and did well to keep to himself, but this early I think morning at this very moment he felt like people were laughing at him. Remi flung his blanket off his sprawled body and next swung his legs down to touch the floor with a slight clack of the wooden floorboards. Three hooves marched their way across the room while a fourth covered his mouth in a weary weak wail of exhaustion. By the time he had gotten to his door and pulled it open, Remi could feel his eyes growing heavy with the need for hibernation. The cold became a minor factor as his mind was more focused on taking care of the rude person right next to him.
Creak! The door slowly opened granting passage for the white pony, who took his time to get his bearings down. Once again the tapping of three rang into the air as the missing hoof brushed and stroked his long blue mane. Seems he was trying to fix himself up a bit for a surprise visit. Yet he sauntered in and opened the door with a loud huff. He gave no warnings, no introduction, no greetings, not even the complaint he was holding within his carefully pursed lips. Instead he did the unexpected.
Remedy Fortuitous Heart grabbed the lumbering male by his arm. Of course being a pony he could not just grab anything, so he made do and nibble on a wrist leading it in the direction he wanted. Which happened to be the humans bedding. He settled into the stranger's bed and beckoned him to lay beside him with another nibble to his lower half. Tugging along fabric in a light but innocent way.
"I'll buy you a new phone tomorrow." Remedy whispered cuddling up into the human and his pillow.
(Gasp! The typos. Wrote this on my phone on a quick whim. Soo lol!)
"God damn French people!" Remedy sat up with a limb rubbing at his closed eyelid, which then shuffled to his temple, in an attempt to ease his groggy state and the throbbing in his head. The cause?: He had awoken to several sounds next door caused by another tenant. A series of shuffling feet, a body that has been rolling on a mattress for hours on end, and the now the very loud drop of an Android smartphone. He had had enough.
Now the usually smiling flirt of a pony was always humble and did well to keep to himself, but this early I think morning at this very moment he felt like people were laughing at him. Remi flung his blanket off his sprawled body and next swung his legs down to touch the floor with a slight clack of the wooden floorboards. Three hooves marched their way across the room while a fourth covered his mouth in a weary weak wail of exhaustion. By the time he had gotten to his door and pulled it open, Remi could feel his eyes growing heavy with the need for hibernation. The cold became a minor factor as his mind was more focused on taking care of the rude person right next to him.
Creak! The door slowly opened granting passage for the white pony, who took his time to get his bearings down. Once again the tapping of three rang into the air as the missing hoof brushed and stroked his long blue mane. Seems he was trying to fix himself up a bit for a surprise visit. Yet he sauntered in and opened the door with a loud huff. He gave no warnings, no introduction, no greetings, not even the complaint he was holding within his carefully pursed lips. Instead he did the unexpected.
Remedy Fortuitous Heart grabbed the lumbering male by his arm. Of course being a pony he could not just grab anything, so he made do and nibble on a wrist leading it in the direction he wanted. Which happened to be the humans bedding. He settled into the stranger's bed and beckoned him to lay beside him with another nibble to his lower half. Tugging along fabric in a light but innocent way.
"I'll buy you a new phone tomorrow." Remedy whispered cuddling up into the human and his pillow.
(Gasp! The typos. Wrote this on my phone on a quick whim. Soo lol!)
Come on guys. It's a flower pony named Lilly. Only one of those three girls would know that growth tip and make a giant flower.
Yay! Something I can actually sit down to and stand to read. What I can't be harsh? I took to this story and found it literally hitting my inner child. Time and again it had shown that the author's intent on entertaining me was top priority. while the writing was stylish to a point and blended in with some Monty Python style comedy, it overall was able to keep my attention throughout the whole story. Though some points need to be addressed as, I also found myself not only questioning the jokes, but also at a lost for what to feel for the characters. As always let's point out features of the story to help improve an author's writing.
POSITIVES
-Character Interaction
This was brilliantly done. I could feel the author had taken the time to script and write his jokes. By being able to implement it in your story, you've shown not only daring nerves of steel, But the fact you still think about the simple things in a story that make your pop out. In a way that just made this enjoyable. A different flavor for a different audience. Though as bold as it is, some people may not come to like this type of story style. while it was certainly my own cup of tea, others may look at it as silly and childish. I for one, loved how it reminded me back in the days of reading a fairy tail. Twisted with a mature sense as the jokes were right around my corner. The characters conversation added a flair, that I usually do not see in stories, ever. Simple lines and actions by the minor characters played a big part in this like yelling out profound lines as the punchline. Or simple thought that the crowds just accepted. Even the bishop with his instant judgement over the knight really made my day. Short sweet and simple to the point where I could reread it all day and not feel any different about it.
-Simplicity
This was like a sauce to me. It made the meal ever so fine to indulge in and just makes you happy to partake in it's glory. While the story's elements didn't shine as much, I just adored the way the story was an easy read. none of the content was painful to understand. None of it was cringe inducing. I sat there with a smile on my face for majority of the read, as I just couldn't seem to easily place my eyes off of the screen. Yes it was cheesy, yes it was lacking in certain aspects, but it was entertaining and blissfully simple. To the point where I would love to read this to someone else. Pose and act on my feet and knees and just enjoy it with someone else. while this may be a negative for some people I find that getting a reaction from simple words, while still upholding it's classy like appeal, is far better off than something completely confusing and takes forever to read due to backtracking all the time.
NEGATIVES
-Action
Onto the more dreaded parts of the review. While action wasn't your focus, it was most definitely a weak point. At certain scenes, it seems that the action just cuts off to a result where I can't seem to follow. The knight runs away! But how far exactly did the knight travel inwards and why did he have so much room to charge in an opposite direction. The Dragon didn't have an reaction whatsoever to the arrow. It merely fell and died. Even at the end conflict with the spear striking the beast dead, ended up just being a "whatever" moment. I think more effort could have been placed here. As the action felt like watching a child's toy fight. One figure topples over and I'm just suppose to accept whatever actions took place by another voice. I don't see the expressions on the drawn out plastic figures faces. Nor do I sense any type of wound or weaponry affecting the outcome. It wasn't a big issue as the comedy was the main topping to this cake. Overall every event and element end up affecting the total reaction by the end of the story. While this wasn't any focus on how I enjoyed the story, it may be otherwise for different readers.
-Intro and Ending
Again we jump straight into the action. The scene given to us is a minor conflict within the story that actually takes up majority of the story progression. The classic "Knight kills Dragon and saves the Princess" bit. While it had a different way of foretelling the struggle, the end result was the same. It gave way for the rest of the story, but a dragon slain by an arrow to the mouth. Unheard of. Just completely baffled on how it could have happened, but it did and made sense on what happens next in the story. The ending for me, while still funny, was left on a low note. It didn't hit heart,but it did leave an impression as the knight is forced to eat in celebration. Even though he was the one to cause all of this to happen. Which was the biggest punchline in the story. The heroic knight failed to kill a dragon. It slayed a bunch of holy priests and wrecked havoc only for the knight to regret what he had done,not because of failure, but because he had hurt his princess and an innocent dragon. All in all, the ending could have been much better, but still left a unique impression on me.
-Details
Part of an action scene or just interaction in general. When no words are said but more so a character's actions make up majority of a certain portion of a read. Descriptions to the details end up creating this field of vision for you audience. once again the dragon had no reaction to getting hit with an arrow or spear, which in turn made me not care about that result at all. Not until after it was done and we got around to how the characters interacted with said result. the characters dialogue was on point but there didn't seem to be much action towards how they reacted themselves. Leaving it looking much like two barbie dolls, place din hand, having a conversation. Stiff emotionless characters that tend to feel like mannequins with a voice. They had simple actions too, but for some readers, more details is appreciated. This is not as big as a negative as I'm placing it but this can certainly spice up your story to have more an effect on your readers. The less a reader has to make things up within the imaginative world of the story, the more immersive a reader will be.
In conclusion, this story was the most entertaining one out of the lot I've read. It's just my style and fits the goal of entertaining it's reader through very basic simple means. The use of wordplay is minimal, and yet well done as certain wordings still was able to keep my head in the story. Grabbing my attention here and there, reminding me to use my brain to think rather than drone out and get it over with. The jokes were somewhat effective, though some just stuck a smile on my lips as I was forced to see characters having to deal with certain things in story. While there was lackluster details and action scenes, the story won me over by just being itself. It's a wonderful read and shows how the author places his own heart into his words. It's not just his choice of genre, jokes, or story style, it was how he connected with me on a whole level that most authors don't think about these days. Overall, I want to see more work from this particular author and I can see his other stories affecting others as well. While some are reaching for that highly sophisticated level of writing. The fact remains. People will read high level material once. People who really enjoy a book will pick it up now and then and continue to make that story flourish. Well done Author.
POSITIVES
-Character Interaction
This was brilliantly done. I could feel the author had taken the time to script and write his jokes. By being able to implement it in your story, you've shown not only daring nerves of steel, But the fact you still think about the simple things in a story that make your pop out. In a way that just made this enjoyable. A different flavor for a different audience. Though as bold as it is, some people may not come to like this type of story style. while it was certainly my own cup of tea, others may look at it as silly and childish. I for one, loved how it reminded me back in the days of reading a fairy tail. Twisted with a mature sense as the jokes were right around my corner. The characters conversation added a flair, that I usually do not see in stories, ever. Simple lines and actions by the minor characters played a big part in this like yelling out profound lines as the punchline. Or simple thought that the crowds just accepted. Even the bishop with his instant judgement over the knight really made my day. Short sweet and simple to the point where I could reread it all day and not feel any different about it.
-Simplicity
This was like a sauce to me. It made the meal ever so fine to indulge in and just makes you happy to partake in it's glory. While the story's elements didn't shine as much, I just adored the way the story was an easy read. none of the content was painful to understand. None of it was cringe inducing. I sat there with a smile on my face for majority of the read, as I just couldn't seem to easily place my eyes off of the screen. Yes it was cheesy, yes it was lacking in certain aspects, but it was entertaining and blissfully simple. To the point where I would love to read this to someone else. Pose and act on my feet and knees and just enjoy it with someone else. while this may be a negative for some people I find that getting a reaction from simple words, while still upholding it's classy like appeal, is far better off than something completely confusing and takes forever to read due to backtracking all the time.
NEGATIVES
-Action
Onto the more dreaded parts of the review. While action wasn't your focus, it was most definitely a weak point. At certain scenes, it seems that the action just cuts off to a result where I can't seem to follow. The knight runs away! But how far exactly did the knight travel inwards and why did he have so much room to charge in an opposite direction. The Dragon didn't have an reaction whatsoever to the arrow. It merely fell and died. Even at the end conflict with the spear striking the beast dead, ended up just being a "whatever" moment. I think more effort could have been placed here. As the action felt like watching a child's toy fight. One figure topples over and I'm just suppose to accept whatever actions took place by another voice. I don't see the expressions on the drawn out plastic figures faces. Nor do I sense any type of wound or weaponry affecting the outcome. It wasn't a big issue as the comedy was the main topping to this cake. Overall every event and element end up affecting the total reaction by the end of the story. While this wasn't any focus on how I enjoyed the story, it may be otherwise for different readers.
-Intro and Ending
Again we jump straight into the action. The scene given to us is a minor conflict within the story that actually takes up majority of the story progression. The classic "Knight kills Dragon and saves the Princess" bit. While it had a different way of foretelling the struggle, the end result was the same. It gave way for the rest of the story, but a dragon slain by an arrow to the mouth. Unheard of. Just completely baffled on how it could have happened, but it did and made sense on what happens next in the story. The ending for me, while still funny, was left on a low note. It didn't hit heart,but it did leave an impression as the knight is forced to eat in celebration. Even though he was the one to cause all of this to happen. Which was the biggest punchline in the story. The heroic knight failed to kill a dragon. It slayed a bunch of holy priests and wrecked havoc only for the knight to regret what he had done,not because of failure, but because he had hurt his princess and an innocent dragon. All in all, the ending could have been much better, but still left a unique impression on me.
-Details
Part of an action scene or just interaction in general. When no words are said but more so a character's actions make up majority of a certain portion of a read. Descriptions to the details end up creating this field of vision for you audience. once again the dragon had no reaction to getting hit with an arrow or spear, which in turn made me not care about that result at all. Not until after it was done and we got around to how the characters interacted with said result. the characters dialogue was on point but there didn't seem to be much action towards how they reacted themselves. Leaving it looking much like two barbie dolls, place din hand, having a conversation. Stiff emotionless characters that tend to feel like mannequins with a voice. They had simple actions too, but for some readers, more details is appreciated. This is not as big as a negative as I'm placing it but this can certainly spice up your story to have more an effect on your readers. The less a reader has to make things up within the imaginative world of the story, the more immersive a reader will be.
In conclusion, this story was the most entertaining one out of the lot I've read. It's just my style and fits the goal of entertaining it's reader through very basic simple means. The use of wordplay is minimal, and yet well done as certain wordings still was able to keep my head in the story. Grabbing my attention here and there, reminding me to use my brain to think rather than drone out and get it over with. The jokes were somewhat effective, though some just stuck a smile on my lips as I was forced to see characters having to deal with certain things in story. While there was lackluster details and action scenes, the story won me over by just being itself. It's a wonderful read and shows how the author places his own heart into his words. It's not just his choice of genre, jokes, or story style, it was how he connected with me on a whole level that most authors don't think about these days. Overall, I want to see more work from this particular author and I can see his other stories affecting others as well. While some are reaching for that highly sophisticated level of writing. The fact remains. People will read high level material once. People who really enjoy a book will pick it up now and then and continue to make that story flourish. Well done Author.
Whew! Boy, this one took me for a ride. The story is excellent and covers it’s flaw through principles of innocence. I’ll explain more in the review. The story takes the perspective of an object. Now while it sounds bland, it’s actually quite whimsical! The story starts off on a questionable scene. It got very confusing very fast. With an open mind we start to see the world around us forming into someone’s, or something’s, viewpoint. At first I thought it’s probably someone traveling through dimensions of space or the gift of life. The word that completely confused me once again was “kitty” and “puppy”. So in the end it makes you think if it’s an animal giving birth. That’s not the case as this strange being ends up hugging it. Me being a dog owner knows pet 101: You never just touch a newborn pup or kitten. So that ruled it out. Now I continued on to thinking about the giants mentioned and the smooth girl who was getting in touch with this character that was just described. After figuring out the answer that puzzling question that is was a toy. I had to take a break, from the surprise. A toy? All that beautiful intro was meant for unboxing a toy and presenting it to a young daughter named Claire. It really blew my mind. So the story continues on and tells the tale of a little girl’s love for her favorite stuffed toy puppy.
NEGATIVES
-Realism
Let’s start off with the negatives first. The story does little next to nothing to show reality pass this toy’s view. I would have loved a scene where Kitty gets hurt and needs to be tended to in order for him to be more realistic to the reader. This is to further hint at what he actually is and where he would stand in. It would have made a sweet potential part of the story that would have been heartwarming while still holding interest in how a toy would feel being handled and broken. Though there’s a very good reason why the author doesn’t point anything pass this toy’s mentality. It wouldn’t be a sin to break pass this point and present the reader with Claire’s point of view to show more of the story. The author probably felt like it was taboo breaking away from Kitty’s perspective, when that wouldn’t be the case. The years Claire took to growing up, could have spelled out why Kitty was left to collect dust in the first place. The potential here was Claire could have had an internal struggle with comments coming from her mother, her father, her friends, or maybe even a boyfriend. Either way I wanted to see more slice of life stuff, but ended up being denied from it to keep Kitty’s side solidified for the reader. This alone could have easily tripled the content of this story. In my opinion, this is the biggest flaw of this story. It’s barely even a flaw in itself to even mention this, as the story still works just fine without these properties.
-Description
Alright let’s be honest here. I disagreed with some of your descriptions as it just seemed odd or over the top. It would bring out the wrong idea. Like the intro pertaining to having a universe pop out all at once. As something comes into existence. With three words beginning the story, leaving the world in thought, to be barren, wasteland like, or a deep void. It’s a bit much for a toy. The word usage such as “plane” and the way you use “light” seem to refer to almost a space like feeling, giving us the impression of a wormhole or a rift of some sorts. I understand it would feel that way for Kitty, but it is highly dramatizing for something so simple. You could take a mess of words and make an epic scene out of an old man trying to chew his food. He’s still just trying to chew his food. No amount of words I use will make it any different. Though it was very touching it was drawn out to where you could understand how their bond starts between Claire and Kitty. It was just less effective since I was expecting something totally different and epic. Even the way smell was used at the start shows that it’s probably going to be used later in the story or that this thing being described is an actual being. Not only was smell barely used for content, the fact that it’s a human characteristic meant it should have been alive. But from what we get is that Kitty only comes alive through the imagination of person interacting with him. Thus him being able to smell before he can come alive just threw me for a loop. The author does excellent in all other aspects having this pseudo relationship work out. But the smell part didn’t seem to mix in well.
POSITIVES
-Interpretation
Whew! I’m excited for this part. I have so much to say for this story. The main viewpoint we read in this wonderful tale is from Kitty’s eyes and mind. Being a toy leaves for knowing next to nothing in regards for being a non sentient character. It’s beautiful how it’s translated into a live character through the imagination of Claire’s mind. From the world popping into color before Kitty, to being able to see exactly how playtime with her would be like from the eyes of a toy. With Kitty playing as a character in one of many worlds created by Claire. From space battles to monster fighting and even playing house with Dad and Mom, whom we never see btw in the story as both are just mentioned only at the start of the story and once more in between. Kitty was on a switch constantly from being alive in one place to not knowing what would happen next. Which is shown through Kitty turning almost completely inanimate as Claire leaves his side. His vision starts to blur and colors fade out as pure imagination that fueled his character leaves him. Letting only light that shined upon his button like eyes be the only thing he notices, along with dust and an overview of things in which he can’t seem to understand until he is held once more. I felt my heart skip a beat as the ending just seem to come out and touch me with Kitty once more coming back to life. Though his reaction seemed again over the top. With Kitty “imaging savory images and smacking his lips” to the feeling of being alive again from having Claire introduce him to a baby boy. I can’t say much negatives to this as it is a wonderful change of pace from normal storytelling. Though I can say that this could have also been broadened a bit more. Which would have made the ending hit us a lot harder than it normally did.
-Theatrics
Never thought I’d see such an element be used to such an extent as to literally keep me connected with my love and passion for Disney movies to keep me hooked onto a story. The imaginary world Kitty was placed in seemed so real to him. You could literally play along as he mentions what he sees through the mind of his owner. From conversations with Claire to scenarios where Kitty felt like the world in Claire’s mind was his own. His heart beat in tune with Claire’s because that’s where his identity laid within. Every toy wants to be played with and loved. Or so it’s what we’re taught as children. So the author uses this fact to give Kitty more of a sympathy role in the story. Just when I thought I was going to see Kitty interact with some trashcan, he’s instead gets handed down to another owner.These realistic moments could have played such a vital part in connecting with Kitty to a child standard in which we would all understand personally. I just thought it was wasted that this wasn’t explored more. I had so much fun reading about how much “fun” Kitty and Claire’s time together was. It made me wanna find my old toy and just hug the stuffing out of it. All of awe driven moments which could have been much more powerful with more effort.
-Content
I was between myself placing this trait of the story as a negative or a positive. Since the story does well without consent on it’s very own content, I decided to place this under positives. Now don’t get me wrong the content was just amazing by itself. I have almost no advice to give in this regards. Which this entry will mostly sound negative, though it’s just friendly advice to the author. Now the only bad part of this was, that is just simply didn’t feel like enough. Bogus right? Anyways this is one of the shorter stories in the gallery and just surprised me with how genuine it felt to read it. Though several parts of the story felt like it was missing chunks. Like big entries for Kitty. The mention of Winter comes up with only a few paragraphs to explain Kitty’s experience in the season. He doesn’t even get friends to play with, in which me myself; even as a boy, got several stuff animals when I was a child. So seeing Kitty being Claire’s only stuffed toy felt like it was missing a relatable touch. There was so many things that could have been done to make this story so much more. The author decided to stick to minimal length for this story. It could have been that they ran out of gas writing this story or maybe a lack of effort, but you can kinda feel a sense of that within the words of the story. Regardless the author is very talented and the spotlight really shines here. This loving story could use more love. Some time placed in this story would have made it a star in it’s own right.
This is one of the stories I would recommend to read. It’s so touching that it’s almost poetic. I’m such a sucker for these types of stories. While it may be perplexing in some senses, it stands out doing things you’d never expect from a story. While the title does seem to fit quite well (Spectrum:meaning the infinite condition of a set of values, ranging from field of vision to even opinions about a certain topic in a neverending scale.) It does spark a cover of a close up on Kitty’s button eyes shining with the light on him, in my mind. Per the title of course, since the word is highly associated with light and shades of colors.. Though this is only me trying to understand the author in question here. It was a great read and something I’d love to tell smaller younger readers about. Or just read as a bed time story. This story was very surprising for an E rated type. Overall good work and keep it up. (I cheated and looked up the definition of Spectrum. It actually fits the topic of this story. Explaining the infinite views of a child’s imagination. That’s what she was going for.)
NEGATIVES
-Realism
Let’s start off with the negatives first. The story does little next to nothing to show reality pass this toy’s view. I would have loved a scene where Kitty gets hurt and needs to be tended to in order for him to be more realistic to the reader. This is to further hint at what he actually is and where he would stand in. It would have made a sweet potential part of the story that would have been heartwarming while still holding interest in how a toy would feel being handled and broken. Though there’s a very good reason why the author doesn’t point anything pass this toy’s mentality. It wouldn’t be a sin to break pass this point and present the reader with Claire’s point of view to show more of the story. The author probably felt like it was taboo breaking away from Kitty’s perspective, when that wouldn’t be the case. The years Claire took to growing up, could have spelled out why Kitty was left to collect dust in the first place. The potential here was Claire could have had an internal struggle with comments coming from her mother, her father, her friends, or maybe even a boyfriend. Either way I wanted to see more slice of life stuff, but ended up being denied from it to keep Kitty’s side solidified for the reader. This alone could have easily tripled the content of this story. In my opinion, this is the biggest flaw of this story. It’s barely even a flaw in itself to even mention this, as the story still works just fine without these properties.
-Description
Alright let’s be honest here. I disagreed with some of your descriptions as it just seemed odd or over the top. It would bring out the wrong idea. Like the intro pertaining to having a universe pop out all at once. As something comes into existence. With three words beginning the story, leaving the world in thought, to be barren, wasteland like, or a deep void. It’s a bit much for a toy. The word usage such as “plane” and the way you use “light” seem to refer to almost a space like feeling, giving us the impression of a wormhole or a rift of some sorts. I understand it would feel that way for Kitty, but it is highly dramatizing for something so simple. You could take a mess of words and make an epic scene out of an old man trying to chew his food. He’s still just trying to chew his food. No amount of words I use will make it any different. Though it was very touching it was drawn out to where you could understand how their bond starts between Claire and Kitty. It was just less effective since I was expecting something totally different and epic. Even the way smell was used at the start shows that it’s probably going to be used later in the story or that this thing being described is an actual being. Not only was smell barely used for content, the fact that it’s a human characteristic meant it should have been alive. But from what we get is that Kitty only comes alive through the imagination of person interacting with him. Thus him being able to smell before he can come alive just threw me for a loop. The author does excellent in all other aspects having this pseudo relationship work out. But the smell part didn’t seem to mix in well.
POSITIVES
-Interpretation
Whew! I’m excited for this part. I have so much to say for this story. The main viewpoint we read in this wonderful tale is from Kitty’s eyes and mind. Being a toy leaves for knowing next to nothing in regards for being a non sentient character. It’s beautiful how it’s translated into a live character through the imagination of Claire’s mind. From the world popping into color before Kitty, to being able to see exactly how playtime with her would be like from the eyes of a toy. With Kitty playing as a character in one of many worlds created by Claire. From space battles to monster fighting and even playing house with Dad and Mom, whom we never see btw in the story as both are just mentioned only at the start of the story and once more in between. Kitty was on a switch constantly from being alive in one place to not knowing what would happen next. Which is shown through Kitty turning almost completely inanimate as Claire leaves his side. His vision starts to blur and colors fade out as pure imagination that fueled his character leaves him. Letting only light that shined upon his button like eyes be the only thing he notices, along with dust and an overview of things in which he can’t seem to understand until he is held once more. I felt my heart skip a beat as the ending just seem to come out and touch me with Kitty once more coming back to life. Though his reaction seemed again over the top. With Kitty “imaging savory images and smacking his lips” to the feeling of being alive again from having Claire introduce him to a baby boy. I can’t say much negatives to this as it is a wonderful change of pace from normal storytelling. Though I can say that this could have also been broadened a bit more. Which would have made the ending hit us a lot harder than it normally did.
-Theatrics
Never thought I’d see such an element be used to such an extent as to literally keep me connected with my love and passion for Disney movies to keep me hooked onto a story. The imaginary world Kitty was placed in seemed so real to him. You could literally play along as he mentions what he sees through the mind of his owner. From conversations with Claire to scenarios where Kitty felt like the world in Claire’s mind was his own. His heart beat in tune with Claire’s because that’s where his identity laid within. Every toy wants to be played with and loved. Or so it’s what we’re taught as children. So the author uses this fact to give Kitty more of a sympathy role in the story. Just when I thought I was going to see Kitty interact with some trashcan, he’s instead gets handed down to another owner.These realistic moments could have played such a vital part in connecting with Kitty to a child standard in which we would all understand personally. I just thought it was wasted that this wasn’t explored more. I had so much fun reading about how much “fun” Kitty and Claire’s time together was. It made me wanna find my old toy and just hug the stuffing out of it. All of awe driven moments which could have been much more powerful with more effort.
-Content
I was between myself placing this trait of the story as a negative or a positive. Since the story does well without consent on it’s very own content, I decided to place this under positives. Now don’t get me wrong the content was just amazing by itself. I have almost no advice to give in this regards. Which this entry will mostly sound negative, though it’s just friendly advice to the author. Now the only bad part of this was, that is just simply didn’t feel like enough. Bogus right? Anyways this is one of the shorter stories in the gallery and just surprised me with how genuine it felt to read it. Though several parts of the story felt like it was missing chunks. Like big entries for Kitty. The mention of Winter comes up with only a few paragraphs to explain Kitty’s experience in the season. He doesn’t even get friends to play with, in which me myself; even as a boy, got several stuff animals when I was a child. So seeing Kitty being Claire’s only stuffed toy felt like it was missing a relatable touch. There was so many things that could have been done to make this story so much more. The author decided to stick to minimal length for this story. It could have been that they ran out of gas writing this story or maybe a lack of effort, but you can kinda feel a sense of that within the words of the story. Regardless the author is very talented and the spotlight really shines here. This loving story could use more love. Some time placed in this story would have made it a star in it’s own right.
This is one of the stories I would recommend to read. It’s so touching that it’s almost poetic. I’m such a sucker for these types of stories. While it may be perplexing in some senses, it stands out doing things you’d never expect from a story. While the title does seem to fit quite well (Spectrum:meaning the infinite condition of a set of values, ranging from field of vision to even opinions about a certain topic in a neverending scale.) It does spark a cover of a close up on Kitty’s button eyes shining with the light on him, in my mind. Per the title of course, since the word is highly associated with light and shades of colors.. Though this is only me trying to understand the author in question here. It was a great read and something I’d love to tell smaller younger readers about. Or just read as a bed time story. This story was very surprising for an E rated type. Overall good work and keep it up. (I cheated and looked up the definition of Spectrum. It actually fits the topic of this story. Explaining the infinite views of a child’s imagination. That’s what she was going for.)