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May try my hand at this again. No more favoritism pwease.
Spent years doing some soul searching and getting better at my writing. So here goes nothing I guess.
Spent years doing some soul searching and getting better at my writing. So here goes nothing I guess.
Come on guys. It's a flower pony named Lilly. Only one of those three girls would know that growth tip and make a giant flower.
Is this about bad pony OC's? Well I'm glad I'm an earth pony then. Granted a recolored 63 flipped trap of a pony but it expresses me. Makes me question if my ponysona is whack or not. Hm. Should make a blonde version of this pony and name it Floppy Twinkie.
Aahhhh hhmmm! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *whines* my childhood. *Rolls over and gasps for air.* I can't breath I can't.....oh my goodness..I'm panicking! I'm panicking! *Pulls out a scroll and quills and frantically writes.*
So Celestia is given a gift by her pet Filomina. And ends up smoking a blunt after the rebirth cycle of said majestic bird' resurrection. I am not amused. You could have turned this panel into one where Filomina goes evil in this current life time and boom. Instant story when the Princess of the sun summons up Filomina old caretaker to track and contain her. The timid pony of kindness "Fluttershy" this would have made a great short but. We get a blunt. So to be blunt about the blunt while the Princess here takes a toke of not organic green but of cremated bird s###, I will say this. I didn't need to see this. And I don't wanna write about it. You give me nothing in return except for 5 seconds of a smile and confusion for the next 30 minutes. What were you trying to share here? Your sense of comedy? That you can be funny? Maybe you're running up for a cartoon panel for a newspaper. I have no idea but I did not enjoy this one.
Pinkie no! When somebody wants you burned away and dead you stay dead! No Pinkie no nooooo!
Makes sense she could just go "Look at me rise from my ashes!" Nero Pinkie Pie already jeez. This would be pretty funny if it wasn't morbid to begin with. Death is not cool, resurrection eh kinda midway. An overpowered cutie reconstructing her booty? Go on you have my attention.
Simple piece and easy to work with. Not at all mind blowing but a well done entry.
Makes sense she could just go "Look at me rise from my ashes!" Nero Pinkie Pie already jeez. This would be pretty funny if it wasn't morbid to begin with. Death is not cool, resurrection eh kinda midway. An overpowered cutie reconstructing her booty? Go on you have my attention.
Simple piece and easy to work with. Not at all mind blowing but a well done entry.
A unicorn exploring a beaten down tower or some sort of piece to a castle ruins. It's lovely. And the shade art style is something to behold. While it lacks some detail it stills a solid expression and meaning making this one easy to work with. Well done by the way in explaining what is going on in your mind. It neither confuses us or baffles us with what it brings to the table. My only advice is try silhouette art pieces. Try making blotch style arts some puddles of ink and paint go a long way and I believe you can express yourself best by shaping these pools into a defined shape and size. Rather than the obvious detailed and pretty artwork most will tend to try to pull off.
I love this piece simple yet complex. The execution is small but the expression holds so much into it. Now what exactly is being burned that could cause such an effect? Perhaps the three fillies dropped into the Everfree Forest got lost and needed to camp out. The fire more so is the focus here while the three points it's end up becoming part of it background. The smoke and ash that flicker about melds I to the shape of the flame's life-giving counterpart/so. Careful ladies something may be watching you.
Abstract yet a solid piece contain not one but a multitude of meanings. Hm one issue I have artist is that I do not understand what this piece means to you. Could it spell a mishap between beloved Pegasi? Is it a rescue of some sort? Maybe a pony is taking advantage of another? While this piece is good it makes it difficult to write about. It doesn't pop out as an inspirational piece to me but it does intrigue me enough.
Oooo a threatening crazed guard! Did he turn manic in his duty to standby and watch as every pony but himself receive the gift of Friendship? Was he all alone with no one to talk to or hold when he realized that he grown hateful of the things around him? Love the angle of the spear and the expression of the guard.
>>Posh
>>wYvern
Well. I don't like seeing people go. And I've seen people come and go and just feel burdened when its not really something they should be experiencing. On the contrary though I'm just a big care bear and those who know me better in this group just know. So don't mind my overbearing heart. I just think some people are too harsh sometimes and the reviews aren't even for me. Also wouldn't a good author have an expanded open mind. I see passion as a very good trait of an author not so much their smarts and their grasp on a dictionary.
>>wYvern
Well. I don't like seeing people go. And I've seen people come and go and just feel burdened when its not really something they should be experiencing. On the contrary though I'm just a big care bear and those who know me better in this group just know. So don't mind my overbearing heart. I just think some people are too harsh sometimes and the reviews aren't even for me. Also wouldn't a good author have an expanded open mind. I see passion as a very good trait of an author not so much their smarts and their grasp on a dictionary.
>>KwirkyJ
Well that is saying we should try to be as neutral as possible as to not also dissect author confidence. Doesn't hurt to try.
Well that is saying we should try to be as neutral as possible as to not also dissect author confidence. Doesn't hurt to try.
I dare people to do this round without labeling stories in their reviews. No "Good or bad" story tags. Just pure unbiased neutral optimism. I may write this round. Art speaks more to me than just an formless idea. Idk something about a picture that makes me wanna spark a breath of life into it.
"Oh BTW. You're loud as all hell last night and I'm only doing this to make your bed smell like pony! So don't think this was a sweet gesture!" (Snuggle snuggle.)
>>Monokeras
"God damn French people!" Remedy sat up with a limb rubbing at his closed eyelid, which then shuffled to his temple, in an attempt to ease his groggy state and the throbbing in his head. The cause?: He had awoken to several sounds next door caused by another tenant. A series of shuffling feet, a body that has been rolling on a mattress for hours on end, and the now the very loud drop of an Android smartphone. He had had enough.
Now the usually smiling flirt of a pony was always humble and did well to keep to himself, but this early I think morning at this very moment he felt like people were laughing at him. Remi flung his blanket off his sprawled body and next swung his legs down to touch the floor with a slight clack of the wooden floorboards. Three hooves marched their way across the room while a fourth covered his mouth in a weary weak wail of exhaustion. By the time he had gotten to his door and pulled it open, Remi could feel his eyes growing heavy with the need for hibernation. The cold became a minor factor as his mind was more focused on taking care of the rude person right next to him.
Creak! The door slowly opened granting passage for the white pony, who took his time to get his bearings down. Once again the tapping of three rang into the air as the missing hoof brushed and stroked his long blue mane. Seems he was trying to fix himself up a bit for a surprise visit. Yet he sauntered in and opened the door with a loud huff. He gave no warnings, no introduction, no greetings, not even the complaint he was holding within his carefully pursed lips. Instead he did the unexpected.
Remedy Fortuitous Heart grabbed the lumbering male by his arm. Of course being a pony he could not just grab anything, so he made do and nibble on a wrist leading it in the direction he wanted. Which happened to be the humans bedding. He settled into the stranger's bed and beckoned him to lay beside him with another nibble to his lower half. Tugging along fabric in a light but innocent way.
"I'll buy you a new phone tomorrow." Remedy whispered cuddling up into the human and his pillow.
(Gasp! The typos. Wrote this on my phone on a quick whim. Soo lol!)
"God damn French people!" Remedy sat up with a limb rubbing at his closed eyelid, which then shuffled to his temple, in an attempt to ease his groggy state and the throbbing in his head. The cause?: He had awoken to several sounds next door caused by another tenant. A series of shuffling feet, a body that has been rolling on a mattress for hours on end, and the now the very loud drop of an Android smartphone. He had had enough.
Now the usually smiling flirt of a pony was always humble and did well to keep to himself, but this early I think morning at this very moment he felt like people were laughing at him. Remi flung his blanket off his sprawled body and next swung his legs down to touch the floor with a slight clack of the wooden floorboards. Three hooves marched their way across the room while a fourth covered his mouth in a weary weak wail of exhaustion. By the time he had gotten to his door and pulled it open, Remi could feel his eyes growing heavy with the need for hibernation. The cold became a minor factor as his mind was more focused on taking care of the rude person right next to him.
Creak! The door slowly opened granting passage for the white pony, who took his time to get his bearings down. Once again the tapping of three rang into the air as the missing hoof brushed and stroked his long blue mane. Seems he was trying to fix himself up a bit for a surprise visit. Yet he sauntered in and opened the door with a loud huff. He gave no warnings, no introduction, no greetings, not even the complaint he was holding within his carefully pursed lips. Instead he did the unexpected.
Remedy Fortuitous Heart grabbed the lumbering male by his arm. Of course being a pony he could not just grab anything, so he made do and nibble on a wrist leading it in the direction he wanted. Which happened to be the humans bedding. He settled into the stranger's bed and beckoned him to lay beside him with another nibble to his lower half. Tugging along fabric in a light but innocent way.
"I'll buy you a new phone tomorrow." Remedy whispered cuddling up into the human and his pillow.
(Gasp! The typos. Wrote this on my phone on a quick whim. Soo lol!)
>>Trick_Question
That idea of a story is meant to be at least 4 times bigger to make a comfortable first chapter for me. And that's with just an added recap and all the same ideas.
That idea of a story is meant to be at least 4 times bigger to make a comfortable first chapter for me. And that's with just an added recap and all the same ideas.
Hey! It's Rao! Interesting another heart filled with love for the art of writing! Lovely to meet you and a pleasure to have enjoyed your entry!
Okay. The Dulling Effect pertains to what happens when a gem or other luxurious stone loses it gleaming properties. In this case our "Dazzlings" have lost their all awe-inspiring skills. Thus it can be labeled as a certain dulling effect. The title was a play on words and yet it seemed to pass as if it wasn't since dull is also used to mention the loss of sharpness in a knife. You could kinda say this fit with it too but I was more along the lines aiming towards the lackluster qualities in precious stones.
What do you do when all you've known for centuries ends up becoming undone? When your way of life and means of getting anything in the world was suddenly out of your reach? This is the Dazzlings case. Explained in their lore these three have counted on their hypnotic ways, much like a predator would or their prey. There's no evidence that a sea pony, or siren, had had any life prior to gaining their magic. It had also been so long that logically they would have loss the sense for self independence at a certain point. Which is why the girls act unruly all the time, I mean take a look Sonata! Doesn't see look like the face of evil?!
I took these ideas and thought about how sad it must be to be not only beaten down, but to be lost. To know where you're at what you're doing, but with no way of accomplishing things in the only way you know how. In my opinion, these three have been tossed to the streets with no one to help them now. This is where Discord comes in. The most unruly man of the school who can come to understand what it means have his life flipped around and being unappreciated.
So scriptwise I think we're done. Now onto explanations! This story was designed to be -yup you guessed it!- a 10,000 long story. It was a last minute idea in the last 3 hours of the submission timeline. Go figure! With nothing else to work with I went with this idea and had a horrible horrible horrrilbe time. I ended up deleteing over 3,000 words and had to scrunch everything I wanted hoping that it all made sense in the end. Ending result being "find a guide" AGAIN! Don't tell people to look up guides people. Sometimes they just wanna know what exactly is wrong. In this case I already knew. So after deleting the recap, intro, ending, Discord's description, half the banter between the Dazzlings in the alleyway, and the extended scene with the Dazzlings "sneaking" behind Discord", I ended up with my worst piece of entry for this community. Can you blame me? Told you I'm not one for minifics.
Script order for those who are interested. Yes this all came to me within 3 hours.
-Dazzlings' experience (POV) getting defeated in stage: Basically a recap of the recent events. If you watch closely Adagio is the only one to grab onto the bits of her broken necklace.
-The chase and Alleyway scene: This was suppose to bring in a bit more detail on how cruel their breaking point must have been. Being pelted with food trinkets, and worst of all since they can't seem to remember it, the hateful slanderous jeering coming from the crowd. Even the Alleyway scene was suppose to have more depth to it as the three contemplate on their dire situation.
-Discord's appearance: This one was gonna be simple. A man dressed in a colorful suit having multi colored hair and accessories a like. He was suppose to come in and have a deeper conversation and well. You've seen the cut up version. I was so unhappy with how bland Discord came out that I overlooked the errors on his part since he became such a small detail within the story.
-Coming Home: There was suppose to be more explained to why Discord was taking the girls in, but as villains their have their pride. So the endings result was gonna be Discord acting like he gave up and the Dazzlings being stubborn to take such aide from a man not fully under their control, as they're routinely subjected to. The result being Discord just leading the girls home and the Dazzlings (smart girls btw) knew they had nothing to go by at this point. Smart capable girls? They are not. Just look at Sonata! So they end up in a very uncomfortable position with a stranger who is labeled as a bad person just like they suddenly were.
The ending was suppose to be a cute breakfast scene with the new family. Adagio would argue and make a fuss with Discord as he sipped his tea on a strange looking teacup. The conversation needed to end with a sharp bold statement coming from the man. Which I never got the chance to do so.
In the MLP world things usually go well enough that people aren't really suffering or brought to their eventual doom. So I figured it be more canon giving these three the chance the show usually gives to it's villains. Curse Hasbro for the level of forgiveness they wrought unto such criminals. So I saw it fitting to have the girls somehow not being fully redeemed, BECAUSE THAT WOULDN.T MAKE SENSE! RIGHT PONY HITLER!, but somehow coming out of their downfall and becoming just normal girls. Of course they would still be hated in school, but now they can survive and learn once more.
Eventually I ended up creating the rest of the script with several days of school for the three girls. Having to deal with a hateful public, and some cute moment where the girls find Discord to be the most magical person in the school, yes there's no magic in Discord but low and behold! I have made him a magician! No seriously he does a couple of card tricks and fools the three girls into thinking he understood their magical powers to fully bond with them. A little white lie but "everyone needs a bit of magic in their life, no?" As Discord would say.
Gee look at that. I've written pass 750 words. Again. The premise was quite a bold one and well. I had no choice if I wanted to enter this contest. So I went with it. Not sure to say if I got anything out of it but it's gonna be another one waiting in my sandbox just collecting dust until I'm happy enough with my skills to give it it's due. Good ideas, bad writing. And that makes me unhappy to write them or continue them. I wanna say thank you for reading it, but as some people have explained. It was a bad experience reading it and I had a bad experience mincing my work to the bone. So I'm sorry. Especially to Hat and Quill who force themselves to push through each story no matter how cringey it is or how much they dislike it. So thank you, but I should really say Sorry.
What do you do when all you've known for centuries ends up becoming undone? When your way of life and means of getting anything in the world was suddenly out of your reach? This is the Dazzlings case. Explained in their lore these three have counted on their hypnotic ways, much like a predator would or their prey. There's no evidence that a sea pony, or siren, had had any life prior to gaining their magic. It had also been so long that logically they would have loss the sense for self independence at a certain point. Which is why the girls act unruly all the time, I mean take a look Sonata! Doesn't see look like the face of evil?!
I took these ideas and thought about how sad it must be to be not only beaten down, but to be lost. To know where you're at what you're doing, but with no way of accomplishing things in the only way you know how. In my opinion, these three have been tossed to the streets with no one to help them now. This is where Discord comes in. The most unruly man of the school who can come to understand what it means have his life flipped around and being unappreciated.
So scriptwise I think we're done. Now onto explanations! This story was designed to be -yup you guessed it!- a 10,000 long story. It was a last minute idea in the last 3 hours of the submission timeline. Go figure! With nothing else to work with I went with this idea and had a horrible horrible horrrilbe time. I ended up deleteing over 3,000 words and had to scrunch everything I wanted hoping that it all made sense in the end. Ending result being "find a guide" AGAIN! Don't tell people to look up guides people. Sometimes they just wanna know what exactly is wrong. In this case I already knew. So after deleting the recap, intro, ending, Discord's description, half the banter between the Dazzlings in the alleyway, and the extended scene with the Dazzlings "sneaking" behind Discord", I ended up with my worst piece of entry for this community. Can you blame me? Told you I'm not one for minifics.
Script order for those who are interested. Yes this all came to me within 3 hours.
-Dazzlings' experience (POV) getting defeated in stage: Basically a recap of the recent events. If you watch closely Adagio is the only one to grab onto the bits of her broken necklace.
-The chase and Alleyway scene: This was suppose to bring in a bit more detail on how cruel their breaking point must have been. Being pelted with food trinkets, and worst of all since they can't seem to remember it, the hateful slanderous jeering coming from the crowd. Even the Alleyway scene was suppose to have more depth to it as the three contemplate on their dire situation.
-Discord's appearance: This one was gonna be simple. A man dressed in a colorful suit having multi colored hair and accessories a like. He was suppose to come in and have a deeper conversation and well. You've seen the cut up version. I was so unhappy with how bland Discord came out that I overlooked the errors on his part since he became such a small detail within the story.
-Coming Home: There was suppose to be more explained to why Discord was taking the girls in, but as villains their have their pride. So the endings result was gonna be Discord acting like he gave up and the Dazzlings being stubborn to take such aide from a man not fully under their control, as they're routinely subjected to. The result being Discord just leading the girls home and the Dazzlings (smart girls btw) knew they had nothing to go by at this point. Smart capable girls? They are not. Just look at Sonata! So they end up in a very uncomfortable position with a stranger who is labeled as a bad person just like they suddenly were.
The ending was suppose to be a cute breakfast scene with the new family. Adagio would argue and make a fuss with Discord as he sipped his tea on a strange looking teacup. The conversation needed to end with a sharp bold statement coming from the man. Which I never got the chance to do so.
In the MLP world things usually go well enough that people aren't really suffering or brought to their eventual doom. So I figured it be more canon giving these three the chance the show usually gives to it's villains. Curse Hasbro for the level of forgiveness they wrought unto such criminals. So I saw it fitting to have the girls somehow not being fully redeemed, BECAUSE THAT WOULDN.T MAKE SENSE! RIGHT PONY HITLER!, but somehow coming out of their downfall and becoming just normal girls. Of course they would still be hated in school, but now they can survive and learn once more.
Eventually I ended up creating the rest of the script with several days of school for the three girls. Having to deal with a hateful public, and some cute moment where the girls find Discord to be the most magical person in the school, yes there's no magic in Discord but low and behold! I have made him a magician! No seriously he does a couple of card tricks and fools the three girls into thinking he understood their magical powers to fully bond with them. A little white lie but "everyone needs a bit of magic in their life, no?" As Discord would say.
Gee look at that. I've written pass 750 words. Again. The premise was quite a bold one and well. I had no choice if I wanted to enter this contest. So I went with it. Not sure to say if I got anything out of it but it's gonna be another one waiting in my sandbox just collecting dust until I'm happy enough with my skills to give it it's due. Good ideas, bad writing. And that makes me unhappy to write them or continue them. I wanna say thank you for reading it, but as some people have explained. It was a bad experience reading it and I had a bad experience mincing my work to the bone. So I'm sorry. Especially to Hat and Quill who force themselves to push through each story no matter how cringey it is or how much they dislike it. So thank you, but I should really say Sorry.
Okay! That was something. Now wonderful premise on Nightmare Moon being imprisoned and following the events that happened afterward the conflict between the Sun and Moon. What I don't get is quite a number of things.
Let's start with the positives shall we? We get a very good hook on Luna traversing the moon and thinking over her actions. The exploration and the explanation of the physics associated with this story are by far some of the best I've seen so far. This composes most of your story and gives it a really good and comforting vibe.
Now onto the negatives. There is a lot going on with this that just kinda ruins the imagination for the reader. First off nopony knew that Luna was to come back in a 1000 years. So in theory neither did Luna understand that until she did the unthinkable. This event could have spiced up the story here and explain how exactly Luna break out of her prison.
If Nightmare moon was the one sent to the moon and the same being who came back after a 1000 years, wouldn't that still make her Nightmare Moon first and foremost? So placing Luna here as "Luna" instead of the character she was before and afterwards kinda defeats the purpose of the Elements turning her back into Luna's normal state. When this story somehow explains that Luna has had that choice all along. Also it doesn't seem like quite the prison if Luna has free will to wander the Moon freely and with someone like her she would have figured out a way back a lot sooner. Now having her imprisoned in the rocky craters would explain how she was held back for such a long time, seeing as she would have to dig herself out bit by bit just to crack a formation that had created the line of craters outlining Nightmare Moon on the surface of the sattelite. There's a lot of things that just doesn't explain themselves and so it ends up spoiling the read. Leaving it vague like you did only added more confusion rather making this a good read.
My suggestion is, that you perhaps use Luna in her new settings after she is returned to Equestria. Where he wings would feel different her mane probably taking on a starlit veil effect and how she mends issues with Celestia.
Let's start with the positives shall we? We get a very good hook on Luna traversing the moon and thinking over her actions. The exploration and the explanation of the physics associated with this story are by far some of the best I've seen so far. This composes most of your story and gives it a really good and comforting vibe.
Now onto the negatives. There is a lot going on with this that just kinda ruins the imagination for the reader. First off nopony knew that Luna was to come back in a 1000 years. So in theory neither did Luna understand that until she did the unthinkable. This event could have spiced up the story here and explain how exactly Luna break out of her prison.
If Nightmare moon was the one sent to the moon and the same being who came back after a 1000 years, wouldn't that still make her Nightmare Moon first and foremost? So placing Luna here as "Luna" instead of the character she was before and afterwards kinda defeats the purpose of the Elements turning her back into Luna's normal state. When this story somehow explains that Luna has had that choice all along. Also it doesn't seem like quite the prison if Luna has free will to wander the Moon freely and with someone like her she would have figured out a way back a lot sooner. Now having her imprisoned in the rocky craters would explain how she was held back for such a long time, seeing as she would have to dig herself out bit by bit just to crack a formation that had created the line of craters outlining Nightmare Moon on the surface of the sattelite. There's a lot of things that just doesn't explain themselves and so it ends up spoiling the read. Leaving it vague like you did only added more confusion rather making this a good read.
My suggestion is, that you perhaps use Luna in her new settings after she is returned to Equestria. Where he wings would feel different her mane probably taking on a starlit veil effect and how she mends issues with Celestia.
Wow. Okay that was a thing. While it was one scene it did try to pull more material into the mix by recreating the events that happened last night. Thought it was just one mislabled drink passed onto the kids. I got a couple of questions for this one. Other than that this was a joy to read. The trouble of having underaged drinkers in your house and having the responsibility to teach them from right from wrong. Now, with the precious three affected by the alcoholic drink we come to find that AJ, RD, and Rarity have come to not only scold them but somehow make them feel better form the poisonous effect (Don't argue with me! It's labeled as a poisonous drug! Thus in-TOXIC-ation.) The flow of the story plays out well with a single scene and the characters all blend quite well with there being six of them. The CMC actually feeling a little hollowed out, which is understandable.
Now question time! Why are they being scolded if it was somepony else's fault? How come they didn't know it was hard cider aside from the regular cider drinks? Applebloom should have known better, which is probably why they were in trouble in the first place right? It feels like Applejack and Rarity kinda switched roles here. AJ would have known AB could tell from hard from regular and so she should have been angry at the little hidden secret and I can see Rarity being more of a defensive type while still somewhat angry. I felt like you cheated a bit with the initials for Rainbow Dash and Applejack, but overall good read. Thought I felt like some points fell short here that doesn't explain the entirety of the story here. Aj would be apologetic but I still don't see how the truth could avoid her at this point. Especially since it's her and her brother that double check the crates themselves with Granny smith acting like the big boss and making sure she bottled them properly.
Now question time! Why are they being scolded if it was somepony else's fault? How come they didn't know it was hard cider aside from the regular cider drinks? Applebloom should have known better, which is probably why they were in trouble in the first place right? It feels like Applejack and Rarity kinda switched roles here. AJ would have known AB could tell from hard from regular and so she should have been angry at the little hidden secret and I can see Rarity being more of a defensive type while still somewhat angry. I felt like you cheated a bit with the initials for Rainbow Dash and Applejack, but overall good read. Thought I felt like some points fell short here that doesn't explain the entirety of the story here. Aj would be apologetic but I still don't see how the truth could avoid her at this point. Especially since it's her and her brother that double check the crates themselves with Granny smith acting like the big boss and making sure she bottled them properly.
Paging WIP