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Wait, is this a reference to Can't Hurt Her?
If so, tch.
Anyway...
Where this story struggles is that we aren't given enough context to understand what is wrong with Twilight and what Celestia's motivation/justification is in her approach (as I cannot imagine that Celestia would simply seal Twilight away without trying to save her without good reason). Without that context, there is no catharsis in the resolution.
This time, things proceeded as planned. Twilight helped her friends with a problem. She didn’t blow up Sugarcube Corner or set fire to the Library just to cause a problem. She… seemed normal?
If so, tch.
Anyway...
Where this story struggles is that we aren't given enough context to understand what is wrong with Twilight and what Celestia's motivation/justification is in her approach (as I cannot imagine that Celestia would simply seal Twilight away without trying to save her without good reason). Without that context, there is no catharsis in the resolution.
>>CoffeeMinion
Man, your mind would have been blown by Horizon's A Basilisk For One, though pulling off the exploit necessary for that is a lot harder now. I'm not sure if someone managed to repeat the exploit (it is possible either author did so), or if it was just coincidence (as, to be fair, there's only so many buildings to be blown up).
Man, your mind would have been blown by Horizon's A Basilisk For One, though pulling off the exploit necessary for that is a lot harder now. I'm not sure if someone managed to repeat the exploit (it is possible either author did so), or if it was just coincidence (as, to be fair, there's only so many buildings to be blown up).
I'm with >>Fenton - I'm just not sure what the point of this is. it is mildly amusing, but doesn't really go beyond that.
>>Ranmilia
This cannot continue. :V
>>Ranmilia
This cannot continue. :V
I'm with Trick and Not A Hat in that Granny's emotional whatever is all over the place. Also Granny Smith (the apple variety) is two words, so I don't know why they'd randomly remove the space there. Nothing wrong with her changing her name/being known by a nickname (we know at this point that Applejack's mom was exclusively known by one) but just running Grannysmith together looks very awkward.
This is cute, but as others noted, it’s essentially a soufflé: a big piece of fluff. There’s little story here, even if the core idea is charming.
What is that quote from Merlin in Boorman’s Excalibur? “Looking at the cake is like looking at the future, until you've tasted it what do you really know? And then, it’s too late…”
What is that quote from Merlin in Boorman’s Excalibur? “Looking at the cake is like looking at the future, until you've tasted it what do you really know? And then, it’s too late…”
>>TitaniumDragon
Oh, these characters actually exist? I assumed they were OCs. That does help it, yeah.
Oh, these characters actually exist? I assumed they were OCs. That does help it, yeah.
This is... cute and pleasantly written, but it is sort of unfortunate that it implies like a dozen other stories that end up being more interesting to contemplate than the existing one. That isn't to the thing we have written in front of is nice, but it is more or less just casual conversation with minimal stakes. Rarity and AJ's lives aren't overly affected by the issues at hand.
I think this sort of thing can work, but I do think there needs to be some actual meat to it. Like some stronger friction in their relationship from their attempts to deal with their wayward siblings, or even more pressure on them as a result of their siblings.
I think this sort of thing can work, but I do think there needs to be some actual meat to it. Like some stronger friction in their relationship from their attempts to deal with their wayward siblings, or even more pressure on them as a result of their siblings.
This story didn't seem to have much to say, nor is "bureaucracy is bad" really new ground. This didn't feel like it did anything really interesting with the idea, and it didn't even play up the bureaucracy as much as it might have, such as Luna dragging it all out via bureaucratic stopgaps that upset her.
I have no idea who these people are and had to read the comments to get that. You should make it more obvious in the story who they are. Also, MLP predates the modern incarnation; wouldn't it make more sense for it to involve someone more recognizable, and possibly someone earlier on, like Bonnie Zacharie?
I think if you want to do something clever like this, I think you'd want to take a more overt approach with who the characters are and what relevance it has.
I think if you want to do something clever like this, I think you'd want to take a more overt approach with who the characters are and what relevance it has.
A good twist, but I don't think the execution is quuuuuuuuuite punchy enough to really deliver. Might just be the hour, though. Took me two reads of the last handful of sentences to get the punchline, which really robbed it of its punch.
Prose needs a bit of cleaning, I think. While I generally assume the overwroughtness is intentional, it remains a little bit clunky instead of just merely overwrought, I think?
Still, I think this'll be pretty rad after a cleaning pass.
Prose needs a bit of cleaning, I think. While I generally assume the overwroughtness is intentional, it remains a little bit clunky instead of just merely overwrought, I think?
Still, I think this'll be pretty rad after a cleaning pass.
Quite solid prose, but in the end I think the story pulls itself in two contradictory directions that don't necessarily play nice together. Basically, the collision of the Luna stuff and the shrink stuff leaves me a bit... unsure of what actually happened? I'm really not sure how those two segments mesh together, especially given Luna has generally been shown to interact directly with the ponies in the dreamscape.
You know how your mouth starts to feel when you have something really, really sweet to eat? Like, you just take a bit and your mouth starts to throb because of how rich and how much the dessert is? This story is kinda that for me.
The idea is cute and I think quite solid for the character, but the metaphor just ends up feeling overwhelming here. She is selling cakes and thinking about cakes and naming her friends after cakes and... well, nothing else really, but I feel like that is enough. It's a lot to deal with.
The idea is cute and I think quite solid for the character, but the metaphor just ends up feeling overwhelming here. She is selling cakes and thinking about cakes and naming her friends after cakes and... well, nothing else really, but I feel like that is enough. It's a lot to deal with.
I actually liked the shifting focus of the narration here. We get two points of views on different aspects of what it means to be a Dragon. It's an awful lot to pack in a mini-fic, but you managed to do it.
As for my criticism, I'll echo >>Trick_Question here. Give Twilight a bit more sensitivity and compassion, or give us a reason for her being so blunt, and you'll have a very involving story here, one that could tell us a lot of the deeper meaning of growing up in a certain culture.
A bit of polish and you have a real gem, one I really hope to see published on Fimfiction.
Thank you for having written it.
As for my criticism, I'll echo >>Trick_Question here. Give Twilight a bit more sensitivity and compassion, or give us a reason for her being so blunt, and you'll have a very involving story here, one that could tell us a lot of the deeper meaning of growing up in a certain culture.
A bit of polish and you have a real gem, one I really hope to see published on Fimfiction.
Thank you for having written it.
Ok, Post-Season Party Planning is mine, and I’ll admit to having popped it together in a fairly limited amount of time, even for a writeoff. It just struck me that the voice actors all go through this about once a year after they get together (some virtually) for several weeks at a time to do their characters, then… poof, off to other places. That’s most of their personal contact, at work or at conventions. So I thought, if FIM were an actual filmed show, what would happen in the off-season? Just a little thing where the ponies are shown after the cameras shut down.
>>Trick_Question >>Caliaponia
“It sounds like the inhabitants of the world are actually ponies.” Well… yes. It is a pony round, after all.
And as anybody who watches Dr. Who understands, just because the TARDIS is supposed to go somewhere at sometime, doesn’t mean that’s where you are going.
>>AndrewRogue
Andrew: Shifting characterizations from show standards is doable (See the Actingverse for excellent examples) but in a short, would chew up most of the word count. So, no.
>>Fenton Fenton: You’re reading too much into it. The story is not in one specific character, but in all of the characters. After all, friendship involves more than one character.
>>Trick_Question >>Caliaponia
“It sounds like the inhabitants of the world are actually ponies.” Well… yes. It is a pony round, after all.
And as anybody who watches Dr. Who understands, just because the TARDIS is supposed to go somewhere at sometime, doesn’t mean that’s where you are going.
>>AndrewRogue
Andrew: Shifting characterizations from show standards is doable (See the Actingverse for excellent examples) but in a short, would chew up most of the word count. So, no.
>>Fenton Fenton: You’re reading too much into it. The story is not in one specific character, but in all of the characters. After all, friendship involves more than one character.
>>georg
Dang, I missed this during prelims.
I'd love to see more of this Doctor X Twilight stuff. ^^ This is a tantalizing teaser, and it strikes me as an effective sales pitch for the ship.
Dang, I missed this during prelims.
I'd love to see more of this Doctor X Twilight stuff. ^^ This is a tantalizing teaser, and it strikes me as an effective sales pitch for the ship.
So, the system is helio- or geocentric? I got conflicting signals.
It’s, like the others said, nice and original. However, it’s not really a story, so I feel you cheated somewhat w/r to the other authors. That’s why, even though I’m sensible to the novelty and the jocular tone, I will rank it high but not top.
Oh deer, good job anyway.
It’s, like the others said, nice and original. However, it’s not really a story, so I feel you cheated somewhat w/r to the other authors. That’s why, even though I’m sensible to the novelty and the jocular tone, I will rank it high but not top.
Oh deer, good job anyway.
I agree somewhat with TD here. Besides, —okay I nitpick — I don’t think Celestia or Luna would’ve let the situation go that bad before doing something. I get you went overboard for the sake of the comedy, but then I’m not really sure this is a real comedy, because if it were the case I’d have expected a different ending (e.g.: Celestia wakes up to realising all she just lived was just a dream set up by her sister in order to make her cave in).
I’m with TD. I wasn’t sold on the headcanon here, and thus the whole concept fell flat. Why Rarity? Why they mutated into gods? Etc.
No really, this sounded like pointless and the randomness didn’t make me laugh. Sorry, author.
No really, this sounded like pointless and the randomness didn’t make me laugh. Sorry, author.
Hey gang, as we head into the homestretch here I'd like to request a little love for our current least-reviewed story, Determination. It looks like if a few folks chip in, we can get all the stories to at least 8 reviews! :yay:
Hmm, this is a difficult piece to really critique. Rereading to review I like it better than I did upon the first read. Still, there's something slightly off about it that undercuts the emotional arc that you're building. I think the easy thing to say is 'show don't tell' but I've always been much more fine with telliness when used appropriately and working within this span of words, I think being direct is an advantage.
All I can really do here is briefly talk about how I would write this differently - and take that with a boulder-sized grain of salt. But I think your overall frame of Trixie pulling the wagon is less helpful than it is distracting. You've got kind of a nice three when talking about determination here: Trixie being determined to be a good magician, Trixie being determined to seek revenge, Trixie being determined to learn to be a better friend (even if it means swallowing her pride!). I really like that rule-of-3 structure, but you step on the first part, assuming the reader can fill in how important performance was to Trixie. The second is better. But then the third is kind of in a different form from the first ones, and comes across a little stilted. I would have written this in three chunks, each focusing on and developing the importance of each of the three determinations. As it is, the parts with her pulling the wagon feel to me more like filling space than actually adding to the central message.
I think the text here is solid to me, but lacks a spark that ties it together, which is a hard problem to diagnose. Really thinking about it, it might be that you just assume too much on the part of the reader. I really would have appreciated some serious, emotional consideration of what her initial training meant, or what the revenge consisted of; as it is, it feels like you invoke the ideas without explaining or developing them, which feels like a missed opportunity.
But then that's not the story you wrote, and maybe not anywhere close to the story you wanted to write and there's nothing wrong with that. And fitting into 750 words is always a tricky balance. Anyways, it was worth reading, so, thank you.
All I can really do here is briefly talk about how I would write this differently - and take that with a boulder-sized grain of salt. But I think your overall frame of Trixie pulling the wagon is less helpful than it is distracting. You've got kind of a nice three when talking about determination here: Trixie being determined to be a good magician, Trixie being determined to seek revenge, Trixie being determined to learn to be a better friend (even if it means swallowing her pride!). I really like that rule-of-3 structure, but you step on the first part, assuming the reader can fill in how important performance was to Trixie. The second is better. But then the third is kind of in a different form from the first ones, and comes across a little stilted. I would have written this in three chunks, each focusing on and developing the importance of each of the three determinations. As it is, the parts with her pulling the wagon feel to me more like filling space than actually adding to the central message.
I think the text here is solid to me, but lacks a spark that ties it together, which is a hard problem to diagnose. Really thinking about it, it might be that you just assume too much on the part of the reader. I really would have appreciated some serious, emotional consideration of what her initial training meant, or what the revenge consisted of; as it is, it feels like you invoke the ideas without explaining or developing them, which feels like a missed opportunity.
But then that's not the story you wrote, and maybe not anywhere close to the story you wanted to write and there's nothing wrong with that. And fitting into 750 words is always a tricky balance. Anyways, it was worth reading, so, thank you.
I think this is playing it's cards too close to its chest.
As far as I can tell, the conflict in this story is Old Trixie vs. New Trixie. New Trixie is determined(tm) to be a better friend/person, but Old Trixie is convinced she's going to screw everything up horribly again, somehow, but is forcing herself to try for it anyways.
The thing is, I didn't really catch on to what was going on until the last few paragraphs. It seems like she's marching along, thinking about the things she's tried in the past, trying to figure out what she's done right and what she's done wrong, so she can puzzle out what it is she needs to do to make this work, and it all comes together at the end, with that 'humility' line.
The problem is, I couldn't actually tell she was doing that until I reached the end, because I didn't know what she headed for, what she was trying to do; all I knew was that she was determined. As such, I didn't have any context to place her musings in; was she looking back on them, trying to figure out how to get her revenge? In regret? I couldn't tell.
To that end, I think a bit of foreshadowing would help this story a lot. I don't think it works well as a reveal; I'd rather see it as foreboding. Well, that has it's own problems too, I guess, because if we know what she's going to do, then we'll think of course Twilight's going to help her? So maybe not, I dunno. Maybe I'm misreading what you're intending.
All in all, this was pretty good, but I felt it didn't really come together for me until the final few lines, and because of that, I had a hard time engaging with the first few sections meaningfully.
As far as I can tell, the conflict in this story is Old Trixie vs. New Trixie. New Trixie is determined(tm) to be a better friend/person, but Old Trixie is convinced she's going to screw everything up horribly again, somehow, but is forcing herself to try for it anyways.
The thing is, I didn't really catch on to what was going on until the last few paragraphs. It seems like she's marching along, thinking about the things she's tried in the past, trying to figure out what she's done right and what she's done wrong, so she can puzzle out what it is she needs to do to make this work, and it all comes together at the end, with that 'humility' line.
The problem is, I couldn't actually tell she was doing that until I reached the end, because I didn't know what she headed for, what she was trying to do; all I knew was that she was determined. As such, I didn't have any context to place her musings in; was she looking back on them, trying to figure out how to get her revenge? In regret? I couldn't tell.
To that end, I think a bit of foreshadowing would help this story a lot. I don't think it works well as a reveal; I'd rather see it as foreboding. Well, that has it's own problems too, I guess, because if we know what she's going to do, then we'll think of course Twilight's going to help her? So maybe not, I dunno. Maybe I'm misreading what you're intending.
All in all, this was pretty good, but I felt it didn't really come together for me until the final few lines, and because of that, I had a hard time engaging with the first few sections meaningfully.
Mashups 3: Mashups Hard With A Vengeance
Discord Channels the Poisoned Apple: Are you ready for some Fluttercord? If not, then you're in luck: neither is Discord! He's (literally) phoning in his side of it and appears only as a cardboard cutout. His smooth voice still drives Fluttershy over the moon for him, though. #playa
Cheerilee's Swimming Against The Current: It's kind of like a salmon thing, y'know? Hopefully she'll find that special somepony without bludgeoning herself to death in the process...
Reflections on Preening and the Passage of Time: After a thousand years on the moon, Princess Luna declares that she's in desperate need of a serious once-over by a professional. She means by a hairdresser/wingdresser, but unfortunately the exact choice of words that she uses to solicit helping hooves is... um, "desperate need of a serious once-over by a professional." Panicked and embarrassed by what happens next, she ends up accidentally petrifying a hardworking stallion of negotiable affection.
Little by Little Can't Hurt Her: Octavia finds herself trapped in a recurring visit to a bar where the other patrons are all cardboard cutouts, except for a certain somepony who keeps trying to pick her up. And as the scene loops endlessly, Octavia begins to wonder if she truly has a choice, or if taking this "Vinyl" up on her indecent proposal is the only way to break free...
Discord Channels the Poisoned Apple: Are you ready for some Fluttercord? If not, then you're in luck: neither is Discord! He's (literally) phoning in his side of it and appears only as a cardboard cutout. His smooth voice still drives Fluttershy over the moon for him, though. #playa
Cheerilee's Swimming Against The Current: It's kind of like a salmon thing, y'know? Hopefully she'll find that special somepony without bludgeoning herself to death in the process...
Reflections on Preening and the Passage of Time: After a thousand years on the moon, Princess Luna declares that she's in desperate need of a serious once-over by a professional. She means by a hairdresser/wingdresser, but unfortunately the exact choice of words that she uses to solicit helping hooves is... um, "desperate need of a serious once-over by a professional." Panicked and embarrassed by what happens next, she ends up accidentally petrifying a hardworking stallion of negotiable affection.
Little by Little Can't Hurt Her: Octavia finds herself trapped in a recurring visit to a bar where the other patrons are all cardboard cutouts, except for a certain somepony who keeps trying to pick her up. And as the scene loops endlessly, Octavia begins to wonder if she truly has a choice, or if taking this "Vinyl" up on her indecent proposal is the only way to break free...
Cute and gimmicky with some good laughs, but I don't think this quite gels the way you are looking for. One of the bigger annoyances for me is that this kinda stands half-heartedly between game notes and something else. I think if you want to do it, you need to commit to the gimmick of making it look like a game. Similarly, your language is a bit weird, varying between really pure utilitarian notes and then throwing out things like a system was "wonky." There's nothing wrong with either form, but I think they don't work super well together and probably amplify the above problem.
Unlike a lot of people, I wasn't too fond of the bunny jokes. It's a bit weird, but I come here expecting pony patch notes and I end up bunnies for a massive chunk of the notes. :p
That said, seriously, this is still cute and amusing and decently well realized! I just wish it were more patch note-y.
Unlike a lot of people, I wasn't too fond of the bunny jokes. It's a bit weird, but I come here expecting pony patch notes and I end up bunnies for a massive chunk of the notes. :p
That said, seriously, this is still cute and amusing and decently well realized! I just wish it were more patch note-y.
This is a solid idea that unfortunately kinda avoids its core conflict. We don't really dig into the actual conflict between Granny Smith and Mare Mayor, instead focusing on the involvement of Bright Mac and Pear Butter... which she is also surprisingly mild about. Basically, you have the conflicts in place, but you don't really lean into them. Focus on the conflict! Get us deep in the emotion!
A solidly written joke, but ultimately that's all it really is: a joke to explain away the appearance of clothes during transitions. I kinda feel like the Goddess of Space element just doesn't... quite land? The other divinity roles make sense (with Spike being an abrnormal punchline). Rarity apparently does nothing with her space powers. I kinda feel like the joke would be funnier if Rarity were goddess of something totally banal like pants or such to both justify why she's doing what she is and contrast against the other divinities would be funnier.
I really feel this would've bee funnier if Luna got banished back to the moon at the very end. Canonically possible? Nah. Funny though? Sure.
I was amused, but there was a distinct undercurrent of "bad feel" to that amusement with how strongly one-sided this piece is. Basically, at the end, I'm actively rooting against Luna because she is laying it on so thick and in such an assholish manner that it falls out of being funny and into being kinda sad.
Basically, you know how Bonbon got creamed at the end of Calamity from the Skies? That sort of catharsis is missing, because, from the structure of the story, Celestia doesn't need comeuppance because we can't tell if what happened is really her fault and she is trying to do something about it, while Luna is being an unhelpful ass.
I was amused, but there was a distinct undercurrent of "bad feel" to that amusement with how strongly one-sided this piece is. Basically, at the end, I'm actively rooting against Luna because she is laying it on so thick and in such an assholish manner that it falls out of being funny and into being kinda sad.
Basically, you know how Bonbon got creamed at the end of Calamity from the Skies? That sort of catharsis is missing, because, from the structure of the story, Celestia doesn't need comeuppance because we can't tell if what happened is really her fault and she is trying to do something about it, while Luna is being an unhelpful ass.
Congratulations to Sharpspark and Winston, and to all the other finalists too. My retrospective will follow this evening or tomorrow.
It has been a nice competition as usual. Thank you all.
It has been a nice competition as usual. Thank you all.
... so that happened. Congrats to the medalists, and all participants!
Please consider a policy limiting entries to 1-3 per author in the future, though. I think this round, shall we say, exposed certain vulnerabilities in the system! All in good fun this time, I think, but, er, yeah.
Please consider a policy limiting entries to 1-3 per author in the future, though. I think this round, shall we say, exposed certain vulnerabilities in the system! All in good fun this time, I think, but, er, yeah.
>>Ranmilia
Yeah. I'm on the fence about recommending a policy change, but... yeah. That's a lotta entries!
On the other hoof, this helps tie together the phenomenon of twist endings that I kept seeing in the stories I read. Sharp Spark wrote some fabulous 2/3rds of stories that stumbled in their third acts. I could see many of them cleaning up nicely, though.
But how does one find sufficient time to write that many stories in a 24-hour period?!
Yeah. I'm on the fence about recommending a policy change, but... yeah. That's a lotta entries!
On the other hoof, this helps tie together the phenomenon of twist endings that I kept seeing in the stories I read. Sharp Spark wrote some fabulous 2/3rds of stories that stumbled in their third acts. I could see many of them cleaning up nicely, though.
But how does one find sufficient time to write that many stories in a 24-hour period?!
Congratulations to all the participants, and to the finalists: Sharpspark, Orbiting_kettle and Winston. I'll be positing my retrospective sometime in the next day or two; though I crashed and burned a bit this time, I learned quite a bit from this round and hope to share some thoughts.
See you all on the next round!
See you all on the next round!
>>Ranmilia
>>CoffeeMinion
More than half those entries made the finals, meaning almost a third of all finalists were written by the same person. Considering how contentious can be (but especially in the prelims), that's more than a little discouraging.
>>CoffeeMinion
More than half those entries made the finals, meaning almost a third of all finalists were written by the same person. Considering how contentious can be (but especially in the prelims), that's more than a little discouraging.
>>Posh
Together, Haze and I wrote 25 fics, which increased the size of the finals by 13. We then took 12 spots. So if we hadn't entered this round, there would be one less person in finals. Just saying.
Also, yes, we both wrote every fic within 24 hours. I was thinking of potential ideas for a week beforehand, but didn't start any stories until the day of. It took the full day but less total time than I thought, though I was really drained by the end. I don't plan on repeating this stunt, as I will be returning to my pony retirement.
Together, Haze and I wrote 25 fics, which increased the size of the finals by 13. We then took 12 spots. So if we hadn't entered this round, there would be one less person in finals. Just saying.
Also, yes, we both wrote every fic within 24 hours. I was thinking of potential ideas for a week beforehand, but didn't start any stories until the day of. It took the full day but less total time than I thought, though I was really drained by the end. I don't plan on repeating this stunt, as I will be returning to my pony retirement.
>>sharpspark
You know what, I think I'm just going to dispense with any saltiness and applaud the insanity here. I mean, holy crap, that's a lot of stories!
I think if everyone did this every time, it would get pretty hard for average folks to join in and not get lost in the avalanche. But it's certainly memorable having it happen once or twice!
You know what, I think I'm just going to dispense with any saltiness and applaud the insanity here. I mean, holy crap, that's a lot of stories!
I think if everyone did this every time, it would get pretty hard for average folks to join in and not get lost in the avalanche. But it's certainly memorable having it happen once or twice!
>>Ranmilia
>>Posh
>>sharpspark
>>CoffeeMinion
We've had previous rounds where people put in a lot of entries. I've put 6 entries in back in the day with Best Laid Plans, and I put 4 entries into Famous Last Words. I think Pascoite put in 8 entries once, and I seem to recall one other random round where someone went into the double digits.
And heck, this round, Orbiting_Kettle, myself, and Monokeras each wrote two stories and got them both into the finals.
My only real concern is if people just try to vomit out as many words as possible, rather than just having a lot of story ideas. If people have a lot of ideas, I'm cool with them writing them all.
>>Posh
>>sharpspark
>>CoffeeMinion
We've had previous rounds where people put in a lot of entries. I've put 6 entries in back in the day with Best Laid Plans, and I put 4 entries into Famous Last Words. I think Pascoite put in 8 entries once, and I seem to recall one other random round where someone went into the double digits.
And heck, this round, Orbiting_Kettle, myself, and Monokeras each wrote two stories and got them both into the finals.
My only real concern is if people just try to vomit out as many words as possible, rather than just having a lot of story ideas. If people have a lot of ideas, I'm cool with them writing them all.
>>sharpspark
>>TitaniumDragon
I sound saltier than I actually am, and I apologize for that. I AM impressed that sharpspark put together so many excellent entries in so short an amount of time, and I certainly don't want to stop people from submitting multiple entries.
I guess I just worry about the playing field being skewed toward those who DO enter pony-plethoras.
>>TitaniumDragon
I sound saltier than I actually am, and I apologize for that. I AM impressed that sharpspark put together so many excellent entries in so short an amount of time, and I certainly don't want to stop people from submitting multiple entries.
I guess I just worry about the playing field being skewed toward those who DO enter pony-plethoras.
>>Posh
It's probably kinda the nature of the beast, though; we can put a boundary on the amount of time for the Writeoff itself but there's not necessarily equality in the amount of time a given person might spend writing during a given Writeoff. I mean, I assume it'd take most of a 24 hour period to write 10+ even remotely presentable stories, though that could always vary...
You and me should totally bro out and write like 10 each next time, though.
It's probably kinda the nature of the beast, though; we can put a boundary on the amount of time for the Writeoff itself but there's not necessarily equality in the amount of time a given person might spend writing during a given Writeoff. I mean, I assume it'd take most of a 24 hour period to write 10+ even remotely presentable stories, though that could always vary...
You and me should totally bro out and write like 10 each next time, though.
>>CoffeeMinion Man, I can barely throw together one passable entry in twenty-four hours. You really think I can get ten done? :P
>>sharpspark
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
>>TitaniumDragon
I do have an issue with this, but it's part of a larger problem I've had with the Writeoffs for a while—one that I know for a fact that several other participants (and former participants) share with me, and one I may actually have a potential solution for.
Currently I'm on Drax's couch prior to BronyCon. I will post about this on Fimfiction's The Writeoff Association forum once I am alone in my hotel suite Thursday evening and not distracted as buck by medication and other people. I think it will be useful, but either way it is a discussion that needs to be had.
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
>>TitaniumDragon
I do have an issue with this, but it's part of a larger problem I've had with the Writeoffs for a while—one that I know for a fact that several other participants (and former participants) share with me, and one I may actually have a potential solution for.
Currently I'm on Drax's couch prior to BronyCon. I will post about this on Fimfiction's The Writeoff Association forum once I am alone in my hotel suite Thursday evening and not distracted as buck by medication and other people. I think it will be useful, but either way it is a discussion that needs to be had.
>>Trick_Question
Please post it here too, or at least a link! I don't go to FIMFiction or have an account there, which is a little unfortunate when that's apparently the venue used for official discussions. The same goes for what Roger said he would post about formats.
Please post it here too, or at least a link! I don't go to FIMFiction or have an account there, which is a little unfortunate when that's apparently the venue used for official discussions. The same goes for what Roger said he would post about formats.
>>Monokeras
>>Fenton
>>Posh
>>Ranmilia
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Trick_Question
>>AndrewRogue
>>TitaniumDragon
I want to thank everyone who commented on my entry and for your criticisms, and hopefully this won't be too boring of a post.
I think an explanation of what I was trying to do in this piece can be split into two parts: structure and idea.
One part of this was to try and create a piece that would have a complete narrative arc within the 750 word limit. I know it was a cliché scenario (akin to 'Jimmy falls down the well') but that was kind of the point; I knew on that level that I had to keep the subject simple and visceral, and 'someone saving the life of someone else' sounded good. I also wanted to see if I could come up with something emotional and fast-paced, such as an action scene.
From the responses I got, I did okay on a structural level. The piece does have a narrative arc, a beginning-middle-end thing going on. And a number of you also thought it was fast-paced and had emotional content.
At the same time, I also heard from a couple of people that the language was a little clunky, and >>AndrewRogue mentioned that there wasn't enough description of the setting.
The biggest problem, though, was the low-stakes nature of the piece. It's supposed to be about someone holding on frantically for dear life in the middle of a raging river, while another character risks their own life to save them.
And...after looking at the piece further, I can see it didn't turn out that way. Adagio just dives into the water, swims to Twilight and then they get rescued; any problems the former runs into are just bypassed easily. Adagio might as well be making her way through an indoor swimming pool, while I act as the breathless narrator and try to pump up the events with hyperbole.
I think what I need to do is give more explanation. Why is it so important for the character to do this? What are the dangers involved? And why can they not simply 'walk in, do what needs doing and walk out'? Have the character pause before an obstacle while I mention what they stand to lose if things don't go well. And also have them screw-up a little or have something unexpected foul their plans up at some point. Perhaps also have the character be more ill-suited for whatever they are facing (in the case of the river, have a character who isn't a particularly good swimmer have to save her).
The other part of the story is where I really blew it, the distribution of information that was necessary to make sense of the action.
Pretty much everyone had no idea why Twilight was in the river, or what the deal was between Adagio and Twilight, or what the heck was going on. And never mind the throwaway lines Adagio was using. The whole thing was out of context.
Part of my problem was that I didn't correctly gauge how niche EqG was; I thought it was more well known than it turned out to be, and so that hurt me.
But now that I've thought about it, what really sank me was that this scene was originally an idea for an AU fic I had in that universe; you can all relax about being lost, since the references are just from my own imaginings. Sorry... <:(
(I hopefully won't bore with too many details: The Sirens, instead of vanishing after Rainbow Rocks, come across the naïve and lonely human counterpart of Twilight Sparkle before the 'Humane 6'; after finding out Twilight's been dabbling in finding a way to contain and analyze magic, Adagio 'befriends' her in hopes that they together can restore the Sirens' powers; after a while Adagio and Human!Twilight begin to bond, only for things to fall apart when the latter figures out she's been used; the piece is set after Twilight's run somewhere to figure out what to do and Adagio has chased after someone she really is beginning to think of as a friend she could pull into the darkness.)
My apologies for my ambition/arrogance with this piece, and more apologies for you having to read through it. I was hoping to separate the presented piece from the source material enough that it could be a relatively self-contained story, but I failed in that (mostly, I think, because I started putting in non-self-contain material back in for some stupid reason).
I realize now how ridiculous the situation I'd set for myself was. For the audience to make sense of the whole thing I needed to: explain enough to put the action of the story into context; explain who a relatively niche character was and what was going on in a niche part of the MLP universe; and explain how the situation in this AU was different from normal.
To paraphrase the man in the TV show: I had a lot of 'splainin' to do...
I also realize how deeply unfair that is to the audience. People who at least know something about the source material are going to be confused and people who don't are going to be totally lost.
Going back to the piece's flaws, >>Ranmilia noticed the story elements butting heads – Adagio's emotions (a character-centered piece) and the rescue (an action-centered piece). What I now think I should have done was either change the characters to ones that would likely wind up in the situation presented (subordinating them to the action element of the story) or change the scene entirely to present a 'day in the life of' piece that would show the relationship between Adagio and Human!Twilight (subordinating setting and action to the character element of the story). It might still have wound up a bit of a mess, but not as bad as it is here.
And, as you suggested >>Ranmilia , I'm going to see about coming up with simpler ideas for the mini-fic rounds and save the more complex stuff (with more need for information) for the short story rounds.
I know I sound like I'm putting myself down here, but this really has gotten me to think. Hopefully that will show up in an improvement in my writing.
Thank you for putting up with me this round, and I hope to see you all next time!
>>Fenton
>>Posh
>>Ranmilia
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Trick_Question
>>AndrewRogue
>>TitaniumDragon
I want to thank everyone who commented on my entry and for your criticisms, and hopefully this won't be too boring of a post.
I think an explanation of what I was trying to do in this piece can be split into two parts: structure and idea.
One part of this was to try and create a piece that would have a complete narrative arc within the 750 word limit. I know it was a cliché scenario (akin to 'Jimmy falls down the well') but that was kind of the point; I knew on that level that I had to keep the subject simple and visceral, and 'someone saving the life of someone else' sounded good. I also wanted to see if I could come up with something emotional and fast-paced, such as an action scene.
From the responses I got, I did okay on a structural level. The piece does have a narrative arc, a beginning-middle-end thing going on. And a number of you also thought it was fast-paced and had emotional content.
At the same time, I also heard from a couple of people that the language was a little clunky, and >>AndrewRogue mentioned that there wasn't enough description of the setting.
The biggest problem, though, was the low-stakes nature of the piece. It's supposed to be about someone holding on frantically for dear life in the middle of a raging river, while another character risks their own life to save them.
And...after looking at the piece further, I can see it didn't turn out that way. Adagio just dives into the water, swims to Twilight and then they get rescued; any problems the former runs into are just bypassed easily. Adagio might as well be making her way through an indoor swimming pool, while I act as the breathless narrator and try to pump up the events with hyperbole.
I think what I need to do is give more explanation. Why is it so important for the character to do this? What are the dangers involved? And why can they not simply 'walk in, do what needs doing and walk out'? Have the character pause before an obstacle while I mention what they stand to lose if things don't go well. And also have them screw-up a little or have something unexpected foul their plans up at some point. Perhaps also have the character be more ill-suited for whatever they are facing (in the case of the river, have a character who isn't a particularly good swimmer have to save her).
The other part of the story is where I really blew it, the distribution of information that was necessary to make sense of the action.
Pretty much everyone had no idea why Twilight was in the river, or what the deal was between Adagio and Twilight, or what the heck was going on. And never mind the throwaway lines Adagio was using. The whole thing was out of context.
Part of my problem was that I didn't correctly gauge how niche EqG was; I thought it was more well known than it turned out to be, and so that hurt me.
But now that I've thought about it, what really sank me was that this scene was originally an idea for an AU fic I had in that universe; you can all relax about being lost, since the references are just from my own imaginings. Sorry... <:(
(I hopefully won't bore with too many details: The Sirens, instead of vanishing after Rainbow Rocks, come across the naïve and lonely human counterpart of Twilight Sparkle before the 'Humane 6'; after finding out Twilight's been dabbling in finding a way to contain and analyze magic, Adagio 'befriends' her in hopes that they together can restore the Sirens' powers; after a while Adagio and Human!Twilight begin to bond, only for things to fall apart when the latter figures out she's been used; the piece is set after Twilight's run somewhere to figure out what to do and Adagio has chased after someone she really is beginning to think of as a friend she could pull into the darkness.)
My apologies for my ambition/arrogance with this piece, and more apologies for you having to read through it. I was hoping to separate the presented piece from the source material enough that it could be a relatively self-contained story, but I failed in that (mostly, I think, because I started putting in non-self-contain material back in for some stupid reason).
I realize now how ridiculous the situation I'd set for myself was. For the audience to make sense of the whole thing I needed to: explain enough to put the action of the story into context; explain who a relatively niche character was and what was going on in a niche part of the MLP universe; and explain how the situation in this AU was different from normal.
To paraphrase the man in the TV show: I had a lot of 'splainin' to do...
I also realize how deeply unfair that is to the audience. People who at least know something about the source material are going to be confused and people who don't are going to be totally lost.
Going back to the piece's flaws, >>Ranmilia noticed the story elements butting heads – Adagio's emotions (a character-centered piece) and the rescue (an action-centered piece). What I now think I should have done was either change the characters to ones that would likely wind up in the situation presented (subordinating them to the action element of the story) or change the scene entirely to present a 'day in the life of' piece that would show the relationship between Adagio and Human!Twilight (subordinating setting and action to the character element of the story). It might still have wound up a bit of a mess, but not as bad as it is here.
And, as you suggested >>Ranmilia , I'm going to see about coming up with simpler ideas for the mini-fic rounds and save the more complex stuff (with more need for information) for the short story rounds.
I know I sound like I'm putting myself down here, but this really has gotten me to think. Hopefully that will show up in an improvement in my writing.
Thank you for putting up with me this round, and I hope to see you all next time!
>>eusocialdragon
I well know the EqG franchise, and this sounds great. The story is indeed much clearer when you have these informations. It gives context, and raises what's at stakes.
I couldn't agree more with Ranmilia. Save this stuff for the short story rounds. You'll probably score better with solid ideas like this one (that only left the execution to handle properly).
I hopefully won't bore with too many details: The Sirens, instead of vanishing after Rainbow Rocks, come across the naïve and lonely human counterpart of Twilight Sparkle before the 'Humane 6'; after finding out Twilight's been dabbling in finding a way to contain and analyze magic, Adagio 'befriends' her in hopes that they together can restore the Sirens' powers; after a while Adagio and Human!Twilight begin to bond, only for things to fall apart when the latter figures out she's been used; the piece is set after Twilight's run somewhere to figure out what to do and Adagio has chased after someone she really is beginning to think of as a friend she could pull into the darkness.
I well know the EqG franchise, and this sounds great. The story is indeed much clearer when you have these informations. It gives context, and raises what's at stakes.
I couldn't agree more with Ranmilia. Save this stuff for the short story rounds. You'll probably score better with solid ideas like this one (that only left the execution to handle properly).
Hail to the medalists!
A few words about my two usual pieces of crap:
Cheerilee’s Ordinary Evening
>>sharpspark
>>Posh
>>Haze
>>Trick_Question
>>Ranmilia
>>Fenton
>>CoffeeMinion
>>AndrewRogue
>>TitaniumDragon
I wanted to depicted a depressed, sex-deprived Cheerilee, but at the same time had the idea that sometimes a small fillip or flick can pull someone from the depths of depression up to the heights of joy. Like, a naive token of love from a pupil. Maybe I went a bit over the top! :)
Explorers We
>>sharpspark
>>AndrewRogue
>>Fenton
>>Posh
>>Trick_Question
>>TheCyanRecluse
>>Ranmilia
>>TitaniumDragon
This is originally one of Philip K. Dick’s short stories, I borrowed the title even though the actual story is far to be the same. I said I wouldn’t write pony fic anymore, so my goal here was to wedge an OF into a pony round. Got this idea: “what if pony aliens visited Earth, someone discovered this and the cartoon was just a way to get people used to that idea before letting the cat out of the bag”? However, yeah, the end was too obscure. When I wrote Postman the clues were singled out for being too “on the nose”, so here I took the opposite approach, but no one got that Bergeron was suggesting a cartoon show. Except Trick (and maybe Hat). I agree the smile was a bit enigmatic, but again, any sort of explicit clue might’ve been frowned upon. Also, since Cass always told me I should not rely on a final twist, I tried to pull off a story that would make sense even if the twist was too obfuscated to get.
‘Torch’ is normal British for flashlight, and I write in Brit English (even if I don’t speak with a Brit accent). ‘Pirogue’ would be the French term for dugout, but pirogue also exists in English so, to me, it’s natural a native French speaker like Bergeron uses it, since it corresponds to a local reality. ‘Scree’ is a more obscure term but is well adapted to a hilly land like this part of Mali, and if you Google “these two’s” you’ll find zillions of quotes where this is used as possessive, even in books, so I legit assumed it was grammatical.
I might adapt this to release it on FiM, though. The effort is minimal. Thanks to Ran for picking up all the oddities I left.
Thanks to all those who commented on my stories, and thanks to those who voted them so high they both went into the finals. I think it was probably underserved, but 💚
A few words about my two usual pieces of crap:
Cheerilee’s Ordinary Evening
>>sharpspark
>>Posh
>>Haze
>>Trick_Question
>>Ranmilia
>>Fenton
>>CoffeeMinion
>>AndrewRogue
>>TitaniumDragon
I wanted to depicted a depressed, sex-deprived Cheerilee, but at the same time had the idea that sometimes a small fillip or flick can pull someone from the depths of depression up to the heights of joy. Like, a naive token of love from a pupil. Maybe I went a bit over the top! :)
Explorers We
>>sharpspark
>>AndrewRogue
>>Fenton
>>Posh
>>Trick_Question
>>TheCyanRecluse
>>Ranmilia
>>TitaniumDragon
This is originally one of Philip K. Dick’s short stories, I borrowed the title even though the actual story is far to be the same. I said I wouldn’t write pony fic anymore, so my goal here was to wedge an OF into a pony round. Got this idea: “what if pony aliens visited Earth, someone discovered this and the cartoon was just a way to get people used to that idea before letting the cat out of the bag”? However, yeah, the end was too obscure. When I wrote Postman the clues were singled out for being too “on the nose”, so here I took the opposite approach, but no one got that Bergeron was suggesting a cartoon show. Except Trick (and maybe Hat). I agree the smile was a bit enigmatic, but again, any sort of explicit clue might’ve been frowned upon. Also, since Cass always told me I should not rely on a final twist, I tried to pull off a story that would make sense even if the twist was too obfuscated to get.
‘Torch’ is normal British for flashlight, and I write in Brit English (even if I don’t speak with a Brit accent). ‘Pirogue’ would be the French term for dugout, but pirogue also exists in English so, to me, it’s natural a native French speaker like Bergeron uses it, since it corresponds to a local reality. ‘Scree’ is a more obscure term but is well adapted to a hilly land like this part of Mali, and if you Google “these two’s” you’ll find zillions of quotes where this is used as possessive, even in books, so I legit assumed it was grammatical.
I might adapt this to release it on FiM, though. The effort is minimal. Thanks to Ran for picking up all the oddities I left.
Thanks to all those who commented on my stories, and thanks to those who voted them so high they both went into the finals. I think it was probably underserved, but 💚
Before I get started, apologies for not reviewing all the stories; I wanted this to be the round where I finally did that, and I failed spectacularly. Partially because of Oroboro's dumb contest for smelly jerk losers, partly because of chronic migraines, and partly because life is not worth living I had stuff to do.
With that out of the way...
Starlight Glimmer's Brand New Retrospective
(Can we have an award for Least Indicative Title?)
So, first, I think a lot of people read this as an attack on Glimglam, or on her role in the show. It's neither. It's strictly a character piece. The boinger refers to her new, season six 'do. This story comes immediately after she got it re-styled. In a larger sense, it's a metaphor for her own life, and the way she sees herself fitting into the Ponyville dynamic. >>Haze is right, in that it ends on a depressing note, but it's supposed to be a little ironic, because we know how this story ends. We, as readers, know that she'll eventually find her own niche, and that Twilight's friends are her friends (thank you >>AndrewRogue), but she doesn't feel that way right now.
I think I struggled to convey that, though, if the reviews are any great indicator. Heh.
The points that >>Exuno and >>TitaniumDragon raise are well-taken; I don't believe there's much of a narrative arc here, either. If and when I revise this for FiMfic, I'll work to resolve that. I'm thinking Starlight will venture home, find Twilight waiting for her in her bedroom (uwu), and they'll have a quick talk where Twilight tries to assure her that she is a part of the community, and the best way to make her feel like that is to start making new memories with her. She still won't be entirely convinced, but it'll give her the courage to try.
And it'll end with them hugging, because ponies and hugging go together like whipped cream and nipples.
>>Trick_Question
This occurred to me as I was re-reading the piece post-deadline, actually. I think "favorite purple 'corny twosome" would narrow things down enough to not exclude any of the other ponies.
>>Ranmilia
This also occurred to me after finishing the story. I'd like to add a part where they notice Starlight's not laughing, and sorta pick up on why, just before Starlight heads off.
Maybe also a mention of a "sorry for making you feel excluded by leaving you out of our awesome inside jokes" party that Pinkie's planning in Glimglam's honor.
Thank you, too, to everyone I didn't respond to personally. I appreciated all your takes on this story. Except for horizon, who drunkenly messaged me to articulate a viewpoint about the hardcore Maoist propaganda woven throughout the scene in Sugarcube Corner. We... we should probably stage an intervention for him.
With that out of the way...
Starlight Glimmer's Brand New Retrospective
(Can we have an award for Least Indicative Title?)
So, first, I think a lot of people read this as an attack on Glimglam, or on her role in the show. It's neither. It's strictly a character piece. The boinger refers to her new, season six 'do. This story comes immediately after she got it re-styled. In a larger sense, it's a metaphor for her own life, and the way she sees herself fitting into the Ponyville dynamic. >>Haze is right, in that it ends on a depressing note, but it's supposed to be a little ironic, because we know how this story ends. We, as readers, know that she'll eventually find her own niche, and that Twilight's friends are her friends (thank you >>AndrewRogue), but she doesn't feel that way right now.
I think I struggled to convey that, though, if the reviews are any great indicator. Heh.
The points that >>Exuno and >>TitaniumDragon raise are well-taken; I don't believe there's much of a narrative arc here, either. If and when I revise this for FiMfic, I'll work to resolve that. I'm thinking Starlight will venture home, find Twilight waiting for her in her bedroom (uwu), and they'll have a quick talk where Twilight tries to assure her that she is a part of the community, and the best way to make her feel like that is to start making new memories with her. She still won't be entirely convinced, but it'll give her the courage to try.
And it'll end with them hugging, because ponies and hugging go together like whipped cream and nipples.
>>Trick_Question
On a side note, Rarity would be among Pinkie's favorite 'cornies long before Glimglam. That's unrealistic and also an opportunity missed because it feeds the very drama you're trying to express. "Two of my favorite" would be much more believable here, or even "not counting Rarity and Sweetie Belle" or something else with delicious, hot-sauce-flavored foreshadowing.
This occurred to me as I was re-reading the piece post-deadline, actually. I think "favorite purple 'corny twosome" would narrow things down enough to not exclude any of the other ponies.
>>Ranmilia
Twilight and Pinkie's interaction does feel strange. I think it's just plain out of character for them to leave Starlight out of the conversation like that, especially for Pinkie.
This also occurred to me after finishing the story. I'd like to add a part where they notice Starlight's not laughing, and sorta pick up on why, just before Starlight heads off.
Maybe also a mention of a "sorry for making you feel excluded by leaving you out of our awesome inside jokes" party that Pinkie's planning in Glimglam's honor.
Thank you, too, to everyone I didn't respond to personally. I appreciated all your takes on this story. Except for horizon, who drunkenly messaged me to articulate a viewpoint about the hardcore Maoist propaganda woven throughout the scene in Sugarcube Corner. We... we should probably stage an intervention for him.
>>eusocialdragon
<3
Definitely don't put yourself down, yeah. Ambition is nothing to apologize for (and my own harried trying-to-read-50-stories commentary can turn out a lot blunter than intended!). Agreed with Fenton, I'm impressed with what you've got going on and look forward to seeing more in the future!
<3
Definitely don't put yourself down, yeah. Ambition is nothing to apologize for (and my own harried trying-to-read-50-stories commentary can turn out a lot blunter than intended!). Agreed with Fenton, I'm impressed with what you've got going on and look forward to seeing more in the future!
>>Monokeras
Let me explain something important to you.
When you say things like this, it isn't just self-deprecating. It insults everypony who scored below you (which is most of the authors in this competition), and it insults everypony who enjoyed your stories and ranked them well (which is also a lot of us). It's extremely rude, and you do it every competition. Please stop doing it.
We all know you have personal issues that prevent you from seeing the good in what you write. We get it already. Talking smack about what you write serves no purpose other than making the rest of us feel terrible, so if you can't learn that we actually enjoy what you have to write, then please keep it to yourself.
If you're not sure whether what you're saying is appropriate, think about whether or not you would say the same thing to another author in the competition. If you wouldn't, then don't say it to yourself where we can see it.
Thanks.
A few words about my two usual pieces of crap:
Let me explain something important to you.
When you say things like this, it isn't just self-deprecating. It insults everypony who scored below you (which is most of the authors in this competition), and it insults everypony who enjoyed your stories and ranked them well (which is also a lot of us). It's extremely rude, and you do it every competition. Please stop doing it.
We all know you have personal issues that prevent you from seeing the good in what you write. We get it already. Talking smack about what you write serves no purpose other than making the rest of us feel terrible, so if you can't learn that we actually enjoy what you have to write, then please keep it to yourself.
If you're not sure whether what you're saying is appropriate, think about whether or not you would say the same thing to another author in the competition. If you wouldn't, then don't say it to yourself where we can see it.
Thanks.
>>Trick_Question
All of this.
>>Monokeras
Instead of denying yourself and your talents, deny the part of you that makes you abuse yourself. That part may deserve it; you don’t.
All of this.
>>Monokeras
Instead of denying yourself and your talents, deny the part of you that makes you abuse yourself. That part may deserve it; you don’t.
A Little Retrospective
I needed to write this. I've had some stuff come up lately that reminded me about the tension I feel between sometimes needing alone time to process big events, versus sometimes needing to be close with others and seek support. And that's it, really; that's all that this was about. Granny was shoehorned a bit into the role I needed her to play so that I could write a self-reflection. I was glad to see it resonate at least a bit, and it was a pleasant surprise to see this make finals, as I think it's my first time doing so this year.
It was far from perfect, though. Case in point, Granny's level of anger wasn't really material to the point of the story, and that led to some inconsistencies (the whole "emotional whatever" definitely needed a tune-up). For what it’s worth, the very most initial draft was closer to conflict-less, but by that virtue it was kinda boring. Amping-up her displeasure with Mayor Mare was an easy way to make it more interesting, but then the ending suffered by not sustaining that, because it wasn't quite the point. Having room to expand this beyond 750 words will probably help me flesh out both the central conflict and what I wanted to do with it. I might even be able to resurrect some bits from the original 1300-word draft that had to get cut.
Then there was the thing about Granny's name. It was a gimmick and I knew it was a gimmick, but I liked how it made the title work on two levels, so I figured what the heck. Clearly the audience wasn't as enamored with this as I was, though.
Thanks to all who commented!
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>Trick_Question
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Ranmilia
>>Monokeras
>>TitaniumDragon
>>AndrewRogue
>>CoffeeMinion
I suspect it isn't that we aren't enamored with the idea, it's that we didn't get the idea.
I didn't understand the clever thing you did with the story title, and I doubt I'm the only one who missed it. The single "keep your space" comment later on wasn't clear enough to make it obvious for me. Maybe if Grannysmith had mentioned the space explicitly when she first mentioned the name difference, it would have helped.
Either way, I think you might want to be much more direct, because learning this just now has reframed the story significantly for me (in a positive way). Before reading your retro here I thought you were just using weird headcanon that disagreed with the official show canon for no particular reason.
I suspect it isn't that we aren't enamored with the idea, it's that we didn't get the idea.
I didn't understand the clever thing you did with the story title, and I doubt I'm the only one who missed it. The single "keep your space" comment later on wasn't clear enough to make it obvious for me. Maybe if Grannysmith had mentioned the space explicitly when she first mentioned the name difference, it would have helped.
Either way, I think you might want to be much more direct, because learning this just now has reframed the story significantly for me (in a positive way). Before reading your retro here I thought you were just using weird headcanon that disagreed with the official show canon for no particular reason.
>>Trick_Question
You're probably right, it's probably more of a clarity/directness issue. Going back and re-reading the story now, I'm finding that I had forgotten how some of the hints about the space thing ended up being cut or flattened to fit the word count. This will almost certainly work better up near the original 1300 words.
Thanks for making that point!
You're probably right, it's probably more of a clarity/directness issue. Going back and re-reading the story now, I'm finding that I had forgotten how some of the hints about the space thing ended up being cut or flattened to fit the word count. This will almost certainly work better up near the original 1300 words.
Thanks for making that point!
it's difficult talking about my fics when I did so many in rapid sequence, and they might've influenced each other. and then results are after I've departed for Bronycon and I get back late. NOW I can finally say things about them.
on the bright side, this might confuse people even more with that "TBD" header.
this one I wrote directly after "Preening 101" and all the fake innuendo from that one ended up sneaking over into here. the intended joke is like >>sharpspark says, it's about playing grindy games with Luna. I thought the double fake-out might work, but the fake-flirting just ends up distracting from the videogame joke, so it was a mistake.
on the bright side, this might confuse people even more with that "TBD" header.
this one I wrote directly after "Preening 101" and all the fake innuendo from that one ended up sneaking over into here. the intended joke is like >>sharpspark says, it's about playing grindy games with Luna. I thought the double fake-out might work, but the fake-flirting just ends up distracting from the videogame joke, so it was a mistake.
retrospective:
this was the most miserable time I've ever had writing, because that huge paragraph is all BS. it's like writing a terrible school essay where you don't know anything about the subject. I don't even remember what I put in there, because nothing's happening. 730 words of purple prose sounds easy, but it's hard to keep that up for long.
I do understand why some people see it as possibly being a mean insult towards writers but that wasn't my intention. I do agree that the minific limits should be 1000 instead. but I can't go with the direct joke, because it wouldn't be interesting at all. 750 words of a normal story, getting cut off before the resolution? that would look like a poor cop-out instead of a punchline. so I had to exaggerate it as much as possible, by having nothing happen at all before the interruption.
I succeeding in making the fic actually painful to read, but nobody found the joke enjoyable at all (not even me). so I got my first wooden spoon! lessons learned.
this was the most miserable time I've ever had writing, because that huge paragraph is all BS. it's like writing a terrible school essay where you don't know anything about the subject. I don't even remember what I put in there, because nothing's happening. 730 words of purple prose sounds easy, but it's hard to keep that up for long.
I do understand why some people see it as possibly being a mean insult towards writers but that wasn't my intention. I do agree that the minific limits should be 1000 instead. but I can't go with the direct joke, because it wouldn't be interesting at all. 750 words of a normal story, getting cut off before the resolution? that would look like a poor cop-out instead of a punchline. so I had to exaggerate it as much as possible, by having nothing happen at all before the interruption.
I succeeding in making the fic actually painful to read, but nobody found the joke enjoyable at all (not even me). so I got my first wooden spoon! lessons learned.
retrospective:
yeah. it's about Fluttershy and Rarity having sex. flutterbat is metaphorical. it's a tragic romance story disguised as a creepy horror story. it's inspired by some song I keep listening to, so that might explain the rhyming elements.
I think it's a failure because the sensual elements feel obtuse, like an odd distraction. I had to tell Sharpspark what it's about, and only then did he see where it all connected, but it probably should feel more subconsciously erotic without needing to be explained.
disclaimer: I have never written a poem before in my life. (or poem-like prose, whatever this counts as)
so I'm almost grateful that the poetry experts like Horizon weren't around to review this. even though he'd have a lot of good advice, it'd probably be painful to look at this amateur work. and since it's anonymous, there's that uncomfortable conflict of not knowing if you're reviewing someone with experience trying something experimental, or a clueless newbie who has no idea what he's doing (that's me).
halfway through (from my perspective, since I wrote the beginning and end parts first, then filled out the middle. because I'm weird), I got really sick of coming up with rhymes, and wondered why I was rhyming this in the first place, and just gave up on pretending to make it a "poem". so that's the only reason it's so uneven, because I didn't have the discipline to stick with it the whole way.
I still kinda like this story, but it's really difficult to fix for FimFic, so I'm not sure what to do.
yeah. it's about Fluttershy and Rarity having sex. flutterbat is metaphorical. it's a tragic romance story disguised as a creepy horror story. it's inspired by some song I keep listening to, so that might explain the rhyming elements.
I think it's a failure because the sensual elements feel obtuse, like an odd distraction. I had to tell Sharpspark what it's about, and only then did he see where it all connected, but it probably should feel more subconsciously erotic without needing to be explained.
disclaimer: I have never written a poem before in my life. (or poem-like prose, whatever this counts as)
so I'm almost grateful that the poetry experts like Horizon weren't around to review this. even though he'd have a lot of good advice, it'd probably be painful to look at this amateur work. and since it's anonymous, there's that uncomfortable conflict of not knowing if you're reviewing someone with experience trying something experimental, or a clueless newbie who has no idea what he's doing (that's me).
halfway through (from my perspective, since I wrote the beginning and end parts first, then filled out the middle. because I'm weird), I got really sick of coming up with rhymes, and wondered why I was rhyming this in the first place, and just gave up on pretending to make it a "poem". so that's the only reason it's so uneven, because I didn't have the discipline to stick with it the whole way.
I still kinda like this story, but it's really difficult to fix for FimFic, so I'm not sure what to do.
retorpsctve
wow, people really like preening! or really like subversions of preening.
or really like Fluttershy-abuse.
wow, people really like preening! or really like subversions of preening.
or really like Fluttershy-abuse.
What She Doesnt Know / Can't Hurt Her
retro / spective
me and sharpspark worked together on this, because it wasn't against the rules. you can't write something based on your own story, but you can write based on someone else's. you can write a parody (Time Enough For Wub), a sequel (Dubs's continuation to Golden Gull) or anything that borrows more information and context from another entry... so why not use one from the same round? I guess Basilisk For One already did this same idea, but we made each half feed into each other, while standing on their own as best they could.
what started as a silly gimmick, to make an interesting little puzzle for readers, grew into something else. we started getting really into this story idea, and we wanted to make something legitimately great as a story. I first thought it would be a comedy, and he suggested a dark story, which I got attached to. we both fleshed it out a lot, including a lot of plot elements in the other's half, and it was a lot of fun doing a writeoff collaboration.
the structure I came up with is that both stories would seem bleak and uncomfortable, but end on an optimistic note, making progress towards victory. when someone notices the shared references and puts them together, the stories turn out to be happening simultaneously, each providing context for the other. and that context delivers the twist: the end is not optimistic at all, but about to turn out very badly. uh oh!
(you can't really do this outside of the writeoff format, because so much of it depends on that natural audience participation and discovery. having them be 2 chapters of the same story takes away a lot of that impact)
I'll leave it to sharpspark to explain all the details and plot elements (and Derpy's secret) because he came up with a lot of those. but actually I just want to leave half the work for him.
did the intended horror story work? I..... have no idea. I think some of the meaning got muddled because of minific limits, fair enough. but a lot of the reviews focused so much on them as individual stories, and whether it was a rules violation or not, that I don't have a clear idea if the combined story succeeded in its intended effect.
retro / spective
me and sharpspark worked together on this, because it wasn't against the rules. you can't write something based on your own story, but you can write based on someone else's. you can write a parody (Time Enough For Wub), a sequel (Dubs's continuation to Golden Gull) or anything that borrows more information and context from another entry... so why not use one from the same round? I guess Basilisk For One already did this same idea, but we made each half feed into each other, while standing on their own as best they could.
what started as a silly gimmick, to make an interesting little puzzle for readers, grew into something else. we started getting really into this story idea, and we wanted to make something legitimately great as a story. I first thought it would be a comedy, and he suggested a dark story, which I got attached to. we both fleshed it out a lot, including a lot of plot elements in the other's half, and it was a lot of fun doing a writeoff collaboration.
the structure I came up with is that both stories would seem bleak and uncomfortable, but end on an optimistic note, making progress towards victory. when someone notices the shared references and puts them together, the stories turn out to be happening simultaneously, each providing context for the other. and that context delivers the twist: the end is not optimistic at all, but about to turn out very badly. uh oh!
(you can't really do this outside of the writeoff format, because so much of it depends on that natural audience participation and discovery. having them be 2 chapters of the same story takes away a lot of that impact)
I'll leave it to sharpspark to explain all the details and plot elements (and Derpy's secret) because he came up with a lot of those. but actually I just want to leave half the work for him.
did the intended horror story work? I..... have no idea. I think some of the meaning got muddled because of minific limits, fair enough. but a lot of the reviews focused so much on them as individual stories, and whether it was a rules violation or not, that I don't have a clear idea if the combined story succeeded in its intended effect.