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Villainy
“Ha HA! Prepare to face your DOOM Ultra Man! For before you stands the greatest invention of Doctor Sinestro! Behold, as my Parallel Dimensional Transport Device summons an alternate universe version of yourself!” Doctor Sinestro cackled maniacally, twirling his handlebar mustache with one hand while throwing the activation switch with the other.
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there were two spandex clad superheroes in the room.
“Now, Alternate Ultra Man, destroy your nemesis!” Sinestro cackled.
Both superheroes stared at him in puzzlement.
“Um, why on earth would I do that?” Alternate Ultra Man asked.
“Because… you’re from an alternate dimension? And equally matched?” Sinestro suggested. Neither argument seemed to impress the superheroes. “And… there can be only one?”
Ultra Man snorted. “What do you think this is, Highlander?”
“Yeah. It makes much more sense for us to team up and beat the snot out of you.” Alternate Ultra Man offered.
“Then we can figure out how this thing works and send him back home.”
The two superheroes grinned at each other and cracked their knuckles, before advancing on the villain.
“Well crap.”
*********FLICK*********
“Ha HA! Prepare to face your DOOM Ultra Man! For before you stands the greatest invention of Doctor Sinestro! Behold, as my Parallel Dimensional Transport Device summons an evil alternate universe version of yourself!” Doctor Sinestro cackled maniacally, rubbing his magnificent goatee with one hand while throwing the activation switch with the other.
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there was a second spandex covered figure in the room. Though this one had a reverse-colored costume.
“Ahah! Another universe for I, Evil Ultra Man to conquer!” The supervillain laughed.
“Evil Ultra Man?” Ultra Man asked, clearly puzzled. “Wouldn’t ‘Ultra Evil Man’ sound better?”
Evil Ultra Man shrugged. “The name was already taken. Now die, fool!” The evil doppelganger struck suddenly and mercilessly, blasting the hero straight through a wall.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Ultra Man is defeated! It’s everything I ever dreamed it would be!” Sinestro gushed, grinning maniacally.
“Yes indeed! There’s nothing I enjoy more than killing weak, pathetic heroes!” Evil Ultra Man turned his malicious grin towards his summoner.
“Though killing competing supervillains is a close second.”
Sinestro blinked, pondering that statement.
“Well Crap.”
*********FLICK*********
“Ha HA! Prepare to face your DOOM Ultra Man! For before you stands the greatest invention of Doctor Sinestro! Behold, as my Parallel Dimensional Transport Device summons a powerful immortal from an Alternate Universe to destroy you!” Doctor Sinestro cackled maniacally, twirling his cape dramatically with one hand while throwing the activation switch with the other.
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there was a… strangely cute purple furred quadruped of some sort in the middle of the room.
Hero, Villain, and summoned creature all stared at each other, nonplussed.
Sinestro recovered first.
“Now my minion! Destroy Ultra Man!” he commanded.
The quadruped just tiled its head in confusion, the bony protrubence on its forehead pointing this way and that.
“Why would I do that? Can’t we all just be friends instead?” It asked earnestly.
Sinestro facepalmed while Ultra Man smirked.
“Well crap.”
*********FLICK*********
“Ha HA! Prepare to face your DOOM Ultra Man! For before you stands the greatest invention of Doctor Sinestro! Behold, as my Parallel Dimensional Transport Device summons an eldritch abomination from an alternate universe to destroy you!!” Doctor Sinestro cackled maniacally, flicking his long locks of luscious blonde hair with one hand while throwing the activation switch with the other.
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there was a [Censored] in the middle of the room.
“Aaaaiieeeeee!” Shrieked Ultra Man as he looked upon the [Censored]
“AHHHHHHHHH!” Screamed Sinestro as the undulating [Censored] of the [Censored] waved and [Censored].
Both hero and villain’s eyes began to bleed as the [Censored]…
*********FLICK*********
“Well Crap.”
Doctor Sinestro sighed as he turned off his latest invention.
“Curses! A Parallel Dimensional Transport Device seemed like the perfect way to defeat Ultra Man!” He monologued to himself. “Still, I am immensely relieved that I decided to build my Parallel Dimension Viewing Portal first.” He shuddered at some of the alternate outcomes he had observed.
“Well, I suppose it wasn’t a total loss.” He pondered, stroking his bare chin thoughtfully.
“For I now know that I would look truly awe-inspiring with a proper goatee and cape!” He grinned manically.
“Long hair and handlebar mustaches are right out through.”
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there were two spandex clad superheroes in the room.
“Now, Alternate Ultra Man, destroy your nemesis!” Sinestro cackled.
Both superheroes stared at him in puzzlement.
“Um, why on earth would I do that?” Alternate Ultra Man asked.
“Because… you’re from an alternate dimension? And equally matched?” Sinestro suggested. Neither argument seemed to impress the superheroes. “And… there can be only one?”
Ultra Man snorted. “What do you think this is, Highlander?”
“Yeah. It makes much more sense for us to team up and beat the snot out of you.” Alternate Ultra Man offered.
“Then we can figure out how this thing works and send him back home.”
The two superheroes grinned at each other and cracked their knuckles, before advancing on the villain.
“Well crap.”
*********FLICK*********
“Ha HA! Prepare to face your DOOM Ultra Man! For before you stands the greatest invention of Doctor Sinestro! Behold, as my Parallel Dimensional Transport Device summons an evil alternate universe version of yourself!” Doctor Sinestro cackled maniacally, rubbing his magnificent goatee with one hand while throwing the activation switch with the other.
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there was a second spandex covered figure in the room. Though this one had a reverse-colored costume.
“Ahah! Another universe for I, Evil Ultra Man to conquer!” The supervillain laughed.
“Evil Ultra Man?” Ultra Man asked, clearly puzzled. “Wouldn’t ‘Ultra Evil Man’ sound better?”
Evil Ultra Man shrugged. “The name was already taken. Now die, fool!” The evil doppelganger struck suddenly and mercilessly, blasting the hero straight through a wall.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Ultra Man is defeated! It’s everything I ever dreamed it would be!” Sinestro gushed, grinning maniacally.
“Yes indeed! There’s nothing I enjoy more than killing weak, pathetic heroes!” Evil Ultra Man turned his malicious grin towards his summoner.
“Though killing competing supervillains is a close second.”
Sinestro blinked, pondering that statement.
“Well Crap.”
*********FLICK*********
“Ha HA! Prepare to face your DOOM Ultra Man! For before you stands the greatest invention of Doctor Sinestro! Behold, as my Parallel Dimensional Transport Device summons a powerful immortal from an Alternate Universe to destroy you!” Doctor Sinestro cackled maniacally, twirling his cape dramatically with one hand while throwing the activation switch with the other.
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there was a… strangely cute purple furred quadruped of some sort in the middle of the room.
Hero, Villain, and summoned creature all stared at each other, nonplussed.
Sinestro recovered first.
“Now my minion! Destroy Ultra Man!” he commanded.
The quadruped just tiled its head in confusion, the bony protrubence on its forehead pointing this way and that.
“Why would I do that? Can’t we all just be friends instead?” It asked earnestly.
Sinestro facepalmed while Ultra Man smirked.
“Well crap.”
*********FLICK*********
“Ha HA! Prepare to face your DOOM Ultra Man! For before you stands the greatest invention of Doctor Sinestro! Behold, as my Parallel Dimensional Transport Device summons an eldritch abomination from an alternate universe to destroy you!!” Doctor Sinestro cackled maniacally, flicking his long locks of luscious blonde hair with one hand while throwing the activation switch with the other.
There was a bright flash of light, a deafening crack… And suddenly there was a [Censored] in the middle of the room.
“Aaaaiieeeeee!” Shrieked Ultra Man as he looked upon the [Censored]
“AHHHHHHHHH!” Screamed Sinestro as the undulating [Censored] of the [Censored] waved and [Censored].
Both hero and villain’s eyes began to bleed as the [Censored]…
*********FLICK*********
“Well Crap.”
Doctor Sinestro sighed as he turned off his latest invention.
“Curses! A Parallel Dimensional Transport Device seemed like the perfect way to defeat Ultra Man!” He monologued to himself. “Still, I am immensely relieved that I decided to build my Parallel Dimension Viewing Portal first.” He shuddered at some of the alternate outcomes he had observed.
“Well, I suppose it wasn’t a total loss.” He pondered, stroking his bare chin thoughtfully.
“For I now know that I would look truly awe-inspiring with a proper goatee and cape!” He grinned manically.
“Long hair and handlebar mustaches are right out through.”
As Haze has said, the problem here is you're repeating the same joke, just slightly different each time. An important bit of comedy is subversion of expectations. Imagine for instance I told you four different jokes of varying quality about a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walking into a bar. On their own, those jokes may be funny, but if I told you those jokes one after another rapid-fire style, you'd probably ask me to stop telling jokes and get out of your house before you call the police. By the second joke, you're already anticipating what the punch line will be in your head and you have a good idea of what type of humor I was going for because you heard the first joke, so whatever I happen to tell you will likely be in the ballpark of what you were already thinking.
The ending almost pieces this together, but it falls just a bit short on the delivery.
The ending almost pieces this together, but it falls just a bit short on the delivery.
I'm going to have to echo the above; this got a chuckle out of me, author, but you repeated your joke a few too many times. By the time we got to the subversion in the 5th section, I'd already begun skimming, and had lost engagement.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_(writing)
Also, a minor complaint, and I understand that this is probably the product of the time limits of minific rounds, but the structure sort of falls apart in the final section:
Or, when condensed:
Repetitive sentence structures make passages feel monotonous, and reduce the impact of your ending here. Try and mix things up; you did in previous sections.
Nonetheless - a fun story, and one worth tweaking afterwards. Thanks for writing!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_(writing)
Also, a minor complaint, and I understand that this is probably the product of the time limits of minific rounds, but the structure sort of falls apart in the final section:
“Curses! A Parallel Dimensional Transport Device seemed like the perfect way to defeat Ultra Man!” He monologued to himself. “Still, I am immensely relieved that I decided to build my Parallel Dimension Viewing Portal first.” He shuddered at some of the alternate outcomes he had observed.
“Well, I suppose it wasn’t a total loss.” He pondered, stroking his bare chin thoughtfully.
“For I now know that I would look truly awe-inspiring with a proper goatee and cape!” He grinned manically.
“Long hair and handlebar mustaches are right out through.”
Or, when condensed:
"Speech." He actioned. "Speech." He actioned.
"Speech." He actioned.
"Speech!" He actioned.
"Speech."
Repetitive sentence structures make passages feel monotonous, and reduce the impact of your ending here. Try and mix things up; you did in previous sections.
Nonetheless - a fun story, and one worth tweaking afterwards. Thanks for writing!
I was amused. Others have largely pointed out the main shortcomings of the piece; I don't have much to add there.
Enjoyed the pony reference. Going in, I wasn't sure if it was alternate versions of Sinestro, or he was just a slow learner. As it was, the framing device worked well for me.
Enjoyed the pony reference. Going in, I wasn't sure if it was alternate versions of Sinestro, or he was just a slow learner. As it was, the framing device worked well for me.
Not sure if intentional reference, or just coincidence, but the punchline here (and honestly the overall structure as well) is basically that of the Anthology of Interest I episode from Futurama.
Beyond that, I actually don't have much to add that wasn't said above. While each individual scene is amusing in their own right, they aren't really funny enough to hold my attention across all four repetitions, especially since they very much have the same structure without any really zany or wild deviation. Rules of threes is a good one!
Beyond that, I actually don't have much to add that wasn't said above. While each individual scene is amusing in their own right, they aren't really funny enough to hold my attention across all four repetitions, especially since they very much have the same structure without any really zany or wild deviation. Rules of threes is a good one!
So I already rambled some about the multiple repeated vignette format: >>Ranmilia
This piece executes the form better than First Sight, thanks to having more development for each subsection, solid jokes building a comedy foundation, and (most importantly) a strong frame device pulling the subsections together into a whole. However, the drawbacks of the form still apply. The subsections themselves are not important, and could be expanded or contracted without affecting the essence of the story. Four, as the other comments note, might be one of the worst numbers of subsections to choose to include, because it passes up the processing patterns available at three and to a lesser extent at five.
The jokes themselves are fine, not gut busting, but not bad. I chuckled here and there and walked away from the end smiling.
Overall a bit on the stock side, and not a great use of the mini format, but a solid effort that I didn't dislike. Thanks for writing!
This piece executes the form better than First Sight, thanks to having more development for each subsection, solid jokes building a comedy foundation, and (most importantly) a strong frame device pulling the subsections together into a whole. However, the drawbacks of the form still apply. The subsections themselves are not important, and could be expanded or contracted without affecting the essence of the story. Four, as the other comments note, might be one of the worst numbers of subsections to choose to include, because it passes up the processing patterns available at three and to a lesser extent at five.
The jokes themselves are fine, not gut busting, but not bad. I chuckled here and there and walked away from the end smiling.
Overall a bit on the stock side, and not a great use of the mini format, but a solid effort that I didn't dislike. Thanks for writing!
You mean "Sinistro" like in sinister? Oh I get it that's a proper name. I'm unfamiliar with the backdrop.
Sinistrus in Latin meant left, and was the direction of ill omens. Thereby the modern sense.
Some vignettes were fun, other less so. I like the whacky, nonsensical humour here, very much in line with my own. I found the ending a bit weak though, as if you suddenly baulked at carrying the story to its logical conclusion. Like you sanitised the end for the sake… of what? As a result, it feels half backed to me.
Sinistrus in Latin meant left, and was the direction of ill omens. Thereby the modern sense.
Some vignettes were fun, other less so. I like the whacky, nonsensical humour here, very much in line with my own. I found the ending a bit weak though, as if you suddenly baulked at carrying the story to its logical conclusion. Like you sanitised the end for the sake… of what? As a result, it feels half backed to me.
Mostly nitpicks follow, because the story is solid.
I was confused by the blonde hair. It isn't clear that we're looking at alternate versions of the same villain, and the motif of mustache and goatee is always black. If you started with 'goatee' and then the second one was 'bald chin', that would have worked perfectly. As-is, it seems like he has all of those characteristics at the same time (mustache, goatee, cape, blonde hair, etc.) because they're compatible, and so the blonde hair seems oddly out of place.
As indicated by somepony else above, the penultimate 'He' should be lowercase. You might even want to change the initial motif to: ", said Doctor Sinestro. He cackled maniacally..."
You should put something creative other than [censored] into your censored bits to make it more amusing.
Also, I refuse to believe that Twilight Sparkle would act that naively—even though it's adorable. Pinkie Pie would have been a better choice, because Pinkie is always best. :pinkiehappy:
I was confused by the blonde hair. It isn't clear that we're looking at alternate versions of the same villain, and the motif of mustache and goatee is always black. If you started with 'goatee' and then the second one was 'bald chin', that would have worked perfectly. As-is, it seems like he has all of those characteristics at the same time (mustache, goatee, cape, blonde hair, etc.) because they're compatible, and so the blonde hair seems oddly out of place.
As indicated by somepony else above, the penultimate 'He' should be lowercase. You might even want to change the initial motif to: ", said Doctor Sinestro. He cackled maniacally..."
You should put something creative other than [censored] into your censored bits to make it more amusing.
Also, I refuse to believe that Twilight Sparkle would act that naively—even though it's adorable. Pinkie Pie would have been a better choice, because Pinkie is always best. :pinkiehappy:
I'll admit, this was actually pretty amusing. The different ways Doctor Sinestro got foiled by the newly summoned being were all entertaining, and I liked the ending that showed Sinestro was at least smart enough to have Viewing Portal before he tried his idea. It's a funny subversion of the supervillain just haphazardly leaping into this plot without much foresight.
However, I found the story only really good for a chuckle. Sinestro and Ultra-Man don't have much to them, so the story's not really interesting from a character point of view. That's a bummer, because if they had been more fleshed out, the humor would've carried a little more weight. You tend to have bigger emotions for bigger individuals, whether in comedy or drama.
7/10, Japan will soon file a lawsuit for illegal Ultraman usage
However, I found the story only really good for a chuckle. Sinestro and Ultra-Man don't have much to them, so the story's not really interesting from a character point of view. That's a bummer, because if they had been more fleshed out, the humor would've carried a little more weight. You tend to have bigger emotions for bigger individuals, whether in comedy or drama.
7/10, Japan will soon file a lawsuit for illegal Ultraman usage