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The Morning After · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
#101 · 3
·
Wow this was unexpected! I never thought my other story would pass. How come?

Anyways:

Day One

Wow:

>>FanOfMostEverything
>>Remedyfortheheart
>>Trick_Question (<3 Trick)
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Orbiting_kettle (Hi Kettle!)
>>Moosetasm
>>Xepher
>>TheCyanRecluse
>>Bachiavellian
>>georg
>>Bremen

Thanks to all, guys!

First off, I’m surprised no one recognised Milton in the last line (Better to rule in Hell, than to serve in Heavens, says Satan in Paradise Lost). It is remarquable that My Little Pony goes opposite to Genesis, with the archfiend being exiled in heavens rather than in Hell. I wonder if anyone ever analysed this aspect of the show. (And no, including that twisted sentence occurred to me pretty late in writing, so the fic wasn’t focussed around it. I just found it relevant.)

But yeah, this was written more as a last minute fic’ on my iPhone, and mostly as a joke. I’m currently finishing (for weeks now, but vagaries of work have totally upset my schedule) a fic about Celestia visiting Luna five centuries after she’s been banished. Celestia discovers the satellite and how its physics “works” and she’s horrified in retrospect to have banned her sister to such a forlorn and barren place. (So no, this wasn’t inspired by Moonstuck or any other story.)

The meteor roadsign was a new idea, though. I must backport it to the full-fledged story.

In my headcanon Luna is cyclically victim of a curse triggered by the stars and she transforms into Nightmare Moon. When the stars move out of position, she’s restored to her true self. That’s what happens here, but with the fallout that she’s trapped on the Moon.

Until the last minute Luna also came across a billboard claiming “Make the Moon great again. Vote Nightmare Moon!” but I redacted that passage (which accounts for the slightly reduced word count w/r to 750), thinking that jokes about Trump were fast becoming clichéd. Instead, I tried to add a bittersweet tinge to the story, especially the passage with Celestia at the balcony, in order to give it more depth. But maybe I went a bit too far and ended up, as someone underlined, with a schizophrenic arc, where both aspects are almost balanced and it’s impossible to tell which one the story belongs to.

Physics. Assuming Equestria’s flat planet spins much more quickly than the moon revolves around it, wouldn't the gravitational field ripples be smoothed out? Besides, it would explain why the apparent diameter of the moon varies along the day with it being larger at moonset.

In any case, this was fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed the reading. I’m glad there was no glaring errors in that one, which makes it a win for me, irrespective of its final ranking.

Thanks to all those who read, commented and gave to this story more love than it deserved. I’m still amazed by the number of comments it received and I wish I had given you something better to chew.
#102 · 2
· · >>Dubs_Rewatcher
The finals have begun, and just about everything in the top third of my ballot made it in. The only exception is Dubs_Rewatcher's "Two Strikes." Apparently, I'm a huge sucker for Twilestia hurt/comfort fics. Who knew?
#103 ·
· · >>Monokeras
>>Monokeras
Correction: you only need to write one retro. :raritywink:

(And it's for the one I had at the top of my slate. Go figure.)
#104 ·
· · >>Trick_Question
>>Trick_Question
Already done! See above!
#105 · 2
·
>>Monokeras
Technically, Mono, since you made the cut this time and CiG didn't, I think it's safe for you to assume that you are a better writer than Cold in Gardez forever. :V

(oh geez I hope I haven't hurt CiG's feelings with this one—SD should really have made the cut) :raritydespair:
#106 · 2
·
Okay, a few unrequested reflections now.

I've gone back through my prelim ballot (much thanks to Roger for implementing that), and I can confirm the only real shocker (to me) was Scorpion Days not making the cut.

I loved Day One, but didn't expect that love to be universal. Don't Speak barely cracked into my top quartile (76%), but I ranked it high mainly because I liked the personification and the message, and I see it having a lot of potential if it becomes a longer story.

Besides those three, everything else I rated 61% and up made it in.

For the other side of the bit, two stories in my bottom seven slots made the cut, but neither one surprises me. In both cases the writing was decent, but it just wasn't my kind of story. I won't name them since they're still in the voting pool.

Everything else I rated 26% or less was cut. Above that limit, I don't expect a lot of consistency. Usually the top third and the bottom fourth of my slate closely match the votes, while the rest is kind of random. Voting is difficult when you need to consider so many totally different elements: the merits of the story itself, whether you enjoyed it, whether you liked the message, how good the writing is, how much potential the story has if extended, etc. Boiling stories down to a single score is very difficult except when almost everything is good or almost everything needs work.
#107 · 3
·
>>Trick_Question
Thank you so, so much for your review! It was really helpful. I'm so glad you reviewed all the stories, including mine! I hope everyone else is as excited about your reviews as I am :heart:
#108 · 2
·
>>Posh
Hey there, take it easy. Yes, having reviews is a truly wonderful thing, but not if it requires suffering on your part! This was over Thanksgiving (and Black Friday--I didn't intend to shop but my mom had other ideas, and there went my day...) so I think everyone should be really understanding. I hardly got to any of the stories. On the other hand, I don't know if my reviews are at all helpful, so... At any rate, you did better than plenty of people, and as I've been skimming the thread here it looks like most if not all of your reviews are useful ones, so you did that well. Seriously, don't beat yourself up over this! (And that means not literally OR metaphorically OR emotionally OR any other way you could come up with to beat yourself up.) Thanks for the reviews you did do!
#109 · 5
· · >>Monokeras
Huhwhowa? o.0 Am I seeing this right? I made it to the finals this time?

...

What is wrong with you people?

But seriously, I'm more surprised by what stories made it than what didn't make it. I don't know why this surprises me, though; this happens with pretty much every Writeoff.
#110 · 1
· · >>Trick_Question
>>PaulAsaran
I totally agree.

Besides, I feel bad because I’m sure I stole Cold’s seat in the finals. His story was so much better than mine…
Cold I apologise to you :/
#111 · 4
· · >>Monokeras
>>Monokeras
Don't go down that road. It's tempting, and I've been there; but don't do it. It seems like you're being nice when you say that, but it's an insult to others when you claim you don't deserve what you've earned, and we don't know which fic in the finals is yours yet.

Besides, I thought your fic that didn't pass was better than both of CiG's (and nearly everypony else's, other than two fics which for all you know are both mine), even though I was apparently one of very few ponies who enjoyed it that much.

There's more to a story than the quality of the English and how well you can paint with words. You need to appreciate and be thankful that the authors here enjoyed what you wrote.
#112 ·
·
Also I'm appalled that I made it into the finals and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
#113 · 1
·
>>Trick_Question
Trick, as always: masterly.
#114 ·
·
>>FanOfMostEverything
You do have a tendency to like my stories, even when no one else does. maybe you should finally read my sunlight story you helped with >:V
#115 · 6
·
OK, um, I didn't post anything earlier, because I wasn't sure if I was allowed to, but I saw other people post something similar, so I'm going ahead with it. I actually got on this morning, read the newest comments on my story, started mentally organizing a retrospective and thanks to the reviewers, and then it occurred to me that I ought to check, just to confirm, that my story hadn't made it into the finals. I completely froze when I realized it was in the list of finalists, and had to double check a bunch of different things to make sure I was interpreting the gallery list correctly. I'm beyond thrilled that people liked my story that much, but I was really, really surprised. From the reviews (which generally had good points and have given me some really exciting [to me] ideas on how to lengthen and improve the little minific) I didn't expect...... At any rate, thank you, everypony! I'm honored. I may not read many fics this write-off because I'm completely drowning in homework and I took a couple days to relax and do nothing much in honor of Thanksgiving, but I swear, I'm going to get to all of them at some point. I've seen so much in this thread that, even just skimming anything linked to the majority of fics I haven't read, I couldn't help but get excited! Thank you, and good luck to everypony remaining!
#116 · 3
· · >>Orbiting_kettle >>FanOfMostEverything >>The_Letter_J
I was sick the entire week, so I couldn't participate as much as I would've liked. Still, I got two reviews out (and to Xepher and Abhorrent Amalgamation's writer, I apologize for writing for so long. I was curious to observe what people did with their prose that worked and didn't, and that is how I directed my reviews. Perhaps it was pompous of me to go on and on like I did, but I hope that at least you got some value out of it.

Or, barring that, that I was at least polite about it.)

Anyway, my mind was not completely engaged in this event because of that. Looking over everything, I'm not sure how to interpret what happened. I'm glad some people enjoyed my stories, even the one that made its way into the final round. Looking back, though, this has to be one of the oddest Write-Offs ever. Maybe it was because my mind was altered from the illness (I don't know if that excuses anything), but everything just seemed off. I'm not sure how to describe it.

Anywho, I don't have a chance of medaling, and it seemed like people have pointed out the big issues with my story. There's also been a lot of negativity in my household, at work, and online, and I just feel stressed. I am considering revealing my finalist story just to get it out of voters' way, and then get some rest.

But enough of that, let's get to the retrospectives.

The Power of the Sun


I'm very sorry you guys read this. I had this idea a while ago, before the Season 6 finale, I think even before the Season 4 finale, where I wanted to make a horror story based on Luna attacking Chrysalis in her dreams using the power of the sun, controlled by the sister that Chrysalis hurt during the wedding. In this particular instance, just so it would make sense, I had set it after the Season 6 finale; that's why Thorax is there and why she's alone at the end.

But the problems are apparent. I made the beginning too cheesy, putting flowery dialogue like a soap opera (how to fix it is beyond me). I chose the wrong character to do it, and the wrong medium (obliteration and devastation in MLP:FiM caused by a beloved, kind character wasn't a good choice of mine). My language was stilted (I actually don't know how to combat stilted language). My attempt was to provoke at least uneasiness in the reader, if not outright horror, but I failed,

Maybe it's the sickness, but I don't find much positive about this story, nor the experience of writing it. That's not my complaining about my being disqualified from the competition; I think I am just fatigued that I'm not finding the good out of it. I'm not even sure the premise is worth salvaging, now that the Season 6 finale happened.

A Talk With Yourself


Another attempt at being mature that ended up not working out. This one I thought would be better off; I tried really frickin' hard to hone my words to create a contrasting feeling of apathy and optimism. To hear that the language was confusing (that coffee detail was in there due to an editing slip), the premise was boring, the story went nowhere, really left me feeling down.

If I were being completely negative, then I would take this as a sign that I shouldn't be trying to write stories with maturity behind them; but I'm not going to do that. I will acknowledge, however, that I'm not good at writing them. I think the sickness, and everything happening in my home life, has caused me to look at this particular story with pessimism. I couldn't get a serious discussion between two Cherilees, one of whom was frustrated at being a teacher's assistant and the other coming in to offer her own advice and help herself out, to work.

But then again, as others have said, it was hurt by the word count. Whether I could get this to work or not with a longer word limit is something I don't know, and I'm hesitant on trying it out. Not because I doubt my skill; I know positively that I need a lot more practice. Rather, it's because I've only seen one EqG movie; I haven't seen the other three. I saw Cherilee reprimanding the CMC in the human world with such frustration, finality, and lack of optimism, and I thought that the contrast would be interesting. I tried to research how the other three movies would've affected Cherilee and the world, but the detail about people being less against believing in magical horses completely slipped my mind.

So once again, I apologize. I should've watched the other three movies before deciding whether or not to write this.


This is the first instance, I believe, where not making the cut didn't bother me at all, and I hope that's a sign that I'm maturing. The sickness and the home life have affected me negatively, and I'm not sure that excuses my lack of participation. I wasn't entirely in the right mind for the entirety of the prelims, but now that I'm better, perhaps In can contribute a little bit more.

My biggest problems with these Minifics are thus:

1. I don't know how to end stories. At all. At all. I don't know what to ask myself, or what to look for, or what readers want. This seems to be something a lot of Write-Off writers struggle with, so I think this should be my first place to study (even though I don't have a frickin' clue where to begin!).

2. I can't make sense of more mature moments. This is a personal thing that perhaps suggests that I'm dead inside.

3. I haven't yet learned how to muster words to instill the emotions that I want.

This may sound like I'm complaining, but I've recently watched Kung Fu Panda 3 (WATCH IT!), and something Shifu said sums up how I feel about all of this:

If You only do what you can, You will never be more than you are now.


This is optimistically looking up (after a week of enough negativity to keep me in a throbbing, aching, foggy haze) at what I've yet to do, and what I need to work on. And if this motivates someone who's currently down about their story's performance or criticisms, if that helps you out, then I will be happy.

With all of that said, have a good one, good luck to the finalists, best of luck to the ones that didn't make it, and here's hoping for the next Write-Off!
#117 · 5
· · >>Not_Worthy2
>>Not_Worthy2
I upvoted your comment not because you are bashing your own stories (stories completely without merit are a very rare breed, and yours are not of that kind) but for the optimistic ending of your post.

Keep writing, keep getting your stories dissected and you will improve, I have no doubt about that.
#118 · 9
· · >>Monokeras >>The_Letter_J >>Not_Worthy2
>>Not_Worthy2
With regards to not having seen the other EqG movies, you really haven't missed much in terms of Cheerilee's character development. Mostly because she never speaks again and rarely ever even appears.

As for emotional resonance and satisfying conclusions, my best recommendation is to read the works of others and think about how they accomplish such things. And I don't just mean fan fiction. Analyze professional works as well. Think about how story structure, word choice, and all other aspects of the writing come together to create a satisfying, complete arc. (And for the record, it is really hard to make one of those arcs in 750 words or less.)

Please do not compromise your anonymity out of a feeling of inadequacy. Thinking you don't deserve to be a finalist just means you're a part of the Writeoff community. Almost all of us have some degree of impostor syndrome. :P The medals aren't the important part of this exercise. Sharing your work and growing as an author are.
#119 ·
·
I really shouldn't be proud of this.
#120 · 2
·
>>FanOfMostEverything
Thinking you don't deserve to be a finalist just means you're a part of the Writeoff community. Almost all of us have some degree of impostor syndrome. :P


What?! Why in the name of Celestia do you say that? :) :)
#121 ·
· · >>Syeekoh
So is the writeoff about Harry Potter now...?
#122 · 3
·
>>Posh
I... I guess so.
#123 · 1
·
>>Not_Worthy2
>>FanOfMostEverything
She does seem to get a tiny bit more development in some of the Rainbow Rocks shorts. Well, as much development as you can expect from someone who's mostly just not taking in the background. But she at least seems to be happy in them.
#124 · 2
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Orbiting_kettle
I upvoted your comment not because you are bashing your own stories—


Well, why not!?

No, I'm kidding. I'm glad I could put some optimism into my post. I shall continue to write and have my work dissected, with the hopes of improving.
#125 · 3
·
>>FanOfMostEverything
Please do not compromise your anonymity out of a feeling of inadequacy. Thinking you don't deserve to be a finalist just means you're a part of the Writeoff community. Almost all of us have some degree of impostor syndrome. :P The medals aren't the important part of this exercise. Sharing your work and growing as an author are.


I wasn't thinking about eliminating it out of inadequacy. I'm happy for the reaction it's having so far, as well as the criticisms it's received. It's more out of frustration for not having participated as much as I would've liked, due to sickness and stress. I'm not going to reveal it, do not worry about that.

I don't mind the medals, but it seems like others do; I think that's why I jumped on that particular thought. My apologies; this week has put me in a negative mindset for all of it, and now that I'm better, I see where I have erred.

I'll confess that I've been neglecting reading the masters; I will be getting back into that. Thank you for your words.
#126 · 3
· · >>FrontSevens >>Not_Worthy2
>>Not_Worthy2
Speaking as one who has been there and done that…
Don’t put yourself or your talents down. Even in jest.
You don’t have to be the best at something to take pleasure in doing it, and you need not apologize in any way for doing so.
End sermon.
#127 ·
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
>>GroaningGreyAgony
That was one short sermon :o
#128 · 1
·
>>FrontSevens
Best kind. :)
#129 · 1
·
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Even in jest, then, I won't put myself down, then. This week's just been chaotic, so I had leaned more towards negativity. I should be past that now. Thank you for you words.
#130 · 2
· · >>Haze
EDIT: This probably doesn't matter...? Maybe I should check Writeoff FAQ before spending hours on something. :facehoof:




(Still keeping this here for historical/hysterical purposes.)

I have a simple idea for improving the quality of our voting system. I don't know if Roger will think anything of it, but I wanted feedback from the rest of you because I think it's a very good idea. :D




Here's the problem: ponies who rank fewer fics rank them less accurately. This is because the ranking automatically assigns them percentage scores that range from 0% to 100%. The fewer fics you rank, the more likely it is that you'll be assigning extreme scores to fics that don't deserve them.

In the most extreme example, consider somepony who only has time to rank two fics in a short story round. Those fics will get scores of 0% and 100%. Giving a fic a 0% score makes it much less likely to medal, and it's highly unlikely the lesser-ranked of two random stories actually deserves a score that extreme (and the same is true for the 100% score).

Now, here's a very simple solution...

On every voting slate, pretend the topmost and bottommost ranks are occupied by invisible stories.

So if you vote on two stories, instead of them scoring 100% and 0%, they'll score 67% and 33%. This is far more reasonable, and it's more likely to be accurate, because those numbers fall in the MIDDLE of the region instead of on the extremes! When you vote on three stories, your scores will be 75%, 50%, and 25%, and so on.

To see why this is a good idea, consider the math. If you rank two stories, one will be high, and one low. Your best guess at this point is that the high one falls somewhere in the upper-half of the distribution, and the low one falls somewhere in the lower-half. If that were the case, on average the higher-scoring story will be around 75%—not 100%! But even 75% is a little too high, because there's a one-in-four chance that both stories actually belong in the bottom-half of the distribution. That's why 66% is a better guess for the higher-scoring story. The math fits: it's a much better estimate.

Now when you consider the secondary effects of this method, it gets even better. :)

First, raters who vote on only a few stories will have smaller top and bottom scores for their top-rated and bottom-rated stories. This reflects the fact that their scores are less accurate than, say, somepony who reads and ranks every story.

Second, most of the effect of this method disappears after you've voted on eight or nine stories. The effect is strongest when you've only voted on a few stories, because that's when your scores are least accurate and should logically regress toward the mean. The more stories you vote on, the less of an effect this method will have on your scores, because it becomes less important once you have a reasonably-sized slate.

Third, it provides an incentive to read and vote on more stories! :D If you vote on more stories, your top-rated scores will have more impact on the results, and that's how it should be. Although this bonus becomes less and less relevant as you add more votes, it's still true that somepony who reads and votes on every story will have ever-so-slightly more impact on the top and bottom votes. And again, that's the way it should be.




There's a second problem (and possible solutions), but it's less important than this one so I'll save it for later.

Thoughts?
#131 · 3
· · >>Trick_Question
>>Trick_Question
it kinda already does that

basically the % values have nothing to do with the actual scores, they're just to help voters organize their ballots.
#132 ·
·
>>Haze
Oh, well... shit.

If I'd looked at the FAQ I probably could have saved myself several hours of work. :derpytongue2:

Eh, it was still fun! :twilightblush:

EDIT: (Although, even if it's only visual, the benefit of encouraging voters to read and vote on more stories would still apply. But yeah, derp derp derp pbbt.)
#133 · 6
· · >>CoffeeMinion >>Bachiavellian >>GroaningGreyAgony >>FanOfMostEverything
Okay, this is a sorry state of affairs. This thread's been going for eight pages now, and nobody's submitted a single mashup!

Luckily, I'm here to save you sorry sunnovaguns from yourselves.

I Wasn't Prepared for a Wild Night

Princess Celestia, incognito as Willowmint Sunphallus, wakes up in bed with Twilight after a night of passionate pants-on hugging. She contemplates her previous relationship with Sunset Shimmer, and realizes she's not ready for another commitment. Luckily, things haven't progressed past pants-on hugging.

Three Unicorn Tail Hairs Have Done My Office

Shining Armor finally opens up to Cadance about how traumatizing it was for a human and his familiar to poke his anus and steal his tail hairs for a magic spell.

Fading Loser

Rainbow Dash dies of embarrassment after losing a wager to Applejack, and goes to the afterlife, which is apparently the Painted World of Ariamis. Celestia and Luna go looking for her, but neither of them really give it their A-game, since, you know, it's only Rainbow Dash.
#134 · 4
· · >>Bachiavellian >>GroaningGreyAgony >>FanOfMostEverything
>>Posh
Curses, you're right!!!1!1one

Through Obscurity (Not) to Remember - Art imitates life when Doctor Whooves struggles to decipher a drunken note Berry Punch left him before being eaten by the Vashta Nerada. "Spoilers, sweetie!"

An Abhorrent Lesson in Friendship - In addition to hitting the cider too hard, it turns out Starlight and Trixie also snorted a bit too much Nightmare Dust, and they (plus everypony's favorite canon eldritch horror thingie) all wake up together in a big pile of sluicy awkwardness.

Moon Bright President Elect - The salt of the earth take it upon themselves to make the clocks run on time, and the roosters crow when they're supposed to, but ultimately fail to grasp the magical prerequisites to keep the celestial bodies from crashing into each other. All hell breaks loose... and they didn't even win the popular vote!!
#135 · 7
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony >>FanOfMostEverything
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
I haven't done this in ages.

'Twixt my Sheets She's Done my Unicorn Hairs: With Shining's current mental state, Raindolph really should have just gone to Cadence for those hairs.

EDIT: Oh, crap, didn't realize that mash-up was already taken. :P

I Wasn't Prepared for Two Strikes Fading Ever After: Princess Celestia has a horrible student retention rate.

The Perfect Amalgamation: Trixie recalls her lovely evening with a revolting pervert, and only embellishes it a little for the sake of spiting the filthy commoner she calls a friend.

Tired Bright: Celestia quits, and two random farmers wonder where the fuck the sun's gone.
#136 · 6
· · >>FanOfMostEverything
>>Posh
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Bachiavellian
My hat is in the ring of fire.

The Princess Sleeps ‘Twixt My Sheets
Luna had her doubts, but she really does get a better day’s sleep when using Shining Armor’s soft, white, luxuriant silky bedding. Will poor Shining be left out in the cold, or is a compromise possible? And how will Cadance feel?

Entering and Breaking the Mold
Berry Punch and Minuette, seeking to undo the power of an enchanted wand, stage a very sexy intervention for Ponyville’s most relentlessly virginal hypernerd.

The Passing of the New Dawn
Celestia has gotten lazy in her advanced age. Instead of going through the labor of raising the sun, she is actually igniting her ‘solar wind’ to light the sky. The Mane Six flee town immediately when they find out, leaving their pets behind. Twi’s parents remain proud of her.

The Age of Obscurity
A newly-crowned Celestia and Luna need to preserve literacy from Discordian depravations. Their research will rot thirteen scholar’s minds. Onpxjneqf-eha fragraprf znxrf rapelcgvba uneqre; uneqre rapelcgvba znxrf fragraprf eha onpxjneqf. Nopony can figure it out.

A Night Not To Hold The Fire
Berry Punch and Time Turner race through and against time to stop the biggest mistake of all, and undo an alternate timeline where Celestia ruins everything.
#137 · 5
·
>>Posh >>CoffeeMinion >>Bachiavellian
For what it's worth, I was planning on doing some mashups today.

>>GroaningGreyAgony
Instead of going through the labor of raising the sun, she is actually igniting her ‘solar wind’ to light the sky.
Don't be ridiculous. You can't burn helium. ;)

In any case:

Never Leave a Good Filly Hangin': A crystal pony tries not to wet herself as the rainbow-maned, bat-winged servant of Sombra's destroyer tries to make sure she and her daughter are having a pleasant evening.

Hair of the Loser That Bit You: After a bender and a bet, Scootaloo thinks back to a similar moment her idol went through.

The Princess Sleeps Through Obscurity: After "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?", the Tantabus wards off Princess Luna's self-doubt, keeping her dreams pleasant. An information-eating entity attacks the story itself to keep most people from realizing what's going on.

Power of the Crowd: Luna's attempts at psychological warfare are met with accusations of noncanonical, god-mode Celestia robbing the narrative of any tension.

Romancing Those Who Hold the Fire Just After Midnight: Gem literally could not have picked a worse time to try to woo Celestia.
#138 · 5
·
Pfft, amateurs! Here's how it's done...

Abhorrent Day One: Woona decides to go on an adorable adventure in order to make friends and save the Moon because ultimately she is cute as the dickens.

Favor Those Who Hold the Power of the Sun: Celestia fantasizes about burning her subjects to death, but fortunately maintains enough self control to—BURN! BURN YOU LITTLE SHITS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Unicorn Tail Hairs That Bit You: AJ, Dash, and Rarity steal some of Twilight's magic butt extrusions and plant them on their sisters just to screw with them.

Happily Ever After a Wild Night*: Flutterguy and Orchard Blossom wake up in bed together and immediately agree never to crossdress again.

The Perfect Filly: In return for Trixie's gossip, Starlight Glimmer waxes nostalgic about the horrible things she did to foals during the enslavement of Our Town.

Pardon My Scorpion Days: Fluttershy tricks Twilight Sparkle into pardoning Pinkie Pie for her recent spree of papercut attacks.

The Passing of the New Dawn: The pets of Equestria fondly remember eating all of the delicious ponies.

Alfred's Metamorphosis: Every day when Alfred wakes up, it takes him about an hour to remember he's a pony. The vigorous masturbation takes another hour.

'Twixt My Sheets She's Filthy Rich: Princess Cadance tells Shining Armor she accidentally had sex with Filthy Rich because, as a new head of state, he was easy to confuse for her husband. Shining remains skeptical.

Tired of Entering and Breaking: After Celestia pulls back from the public eye, Twilight breaks into her bedroom to begin a long-overdue pastry intervention.

Never Leave You Sore, Loser: Rainbow Dash discovers that allowing the darkness in makes it way easier to beat Applejack in sports.

Fading Obscurity: Celestia and Luna try to decypher where Twilight's luos si ,gnitser tub oox .nonne ote 3##3 oaonu9 99ohu

ae -- -3aa
u

eeeb :twilightsmile: :yay: :pinkiehappy: :raritystarry: :photocool: :raritydespair: :: :: :: ::


!o!!e4uu
#139 · 5
·
If you want to see Trickster embarrass herself even more than normal, I just recorded myself singing each of the parody Hearth's Warming carols I recently posted on Fimfiction. A YouTube for the audio appears at the start of each song.

http://what is wrong with me

:facehoof:
#140 · 2
· · >>horizon
Could somepony please create the story folder in the Writeoff group?

I'd like to publish my story in the morning. :twilightblush:
#141 · 3
· · >>CoffeeMinion
Sorry to the people whose stories I've read but not commented on D: I want to do nice long useful comments, and at least a couple I had a lot to say for, but I'm behind in homework and when I finished the story and clicked in the comment box all I could think was that I ought to be typing my homework out... I will try to comment later, even if the contest is over, if anyone is interested. I mean, I don't know how useful I am, but I will definitely give feedback to anyone who wants it, after the contest is over... I don't think I'm going to be able to give nearly as much as I want to before it ends >_<
#142 · 1
·
>>Kitcat36
Feedback is good!
#143 · 3
·
So I think that's it for me. I apologize for the abbreviated and rushed reviews at the last minute, but I'm rather tired and it's a small miracle that I still possess enough coordination to properly type out this extruded Nairobi dingle-dongler breastmilk with a corncob pipe and a button nose.

Y'feel me?

Anyway, I look forward to seeing the results in the morning. :)
#144 ·
·
Less than one hour! *wink* *wink*
#145 · 2
·
Well, I'm boring at commenting on things this WO so barely did. But I at least rated all the finalists or something. Whoo.
#146 · 5
·
Oh. Wow. I thought this one seemed promising, but I never expected to strike gold.

Retrospective coming soon. For now, thank you very much to everyone who rated and reviewed Just After Midnight, and congratulations to Kettle and horizon for medaling.
#147 · 2
· · >>Trick_Question
Sixth place. That's a new personal record.

Retrospective coming after work, most likely. Perhaps not at all.

Who knows?
#148 ·
·
>>Syeekoh
IMO, your story easily deserved to medal. I placed it first.

Except for maybe Favor Those, this is the only story I demand be published on Fimfiction.
#149 ·
·
I no longer do author guessing because I deeply, deeply fear insulting authors in the process. (Also, I'd keep taking first place and that would just be unfair.) However, I still like to see what other ponies thought, and the new graph...

Wait. Aha! You can click on the circles and see things. That is much better. Nevermind.

Except: the green lines, when you haven't clicked, are 99% invisible on my monitor. They need to be a little darker, because I literally can't see them.
#150 · 4
·
Oh, 'grats to FoME and also to O.K. (Horizon, you got so many medals already I'm not sure I should 'grate you for that new one :P)!

One more non-native speaker to get medalled! That’s great! Kudos!
#151 ·
·
Question on ribbon colors!

When I put a small mention of placing in my fic description, I'd like to color 4th something accurate. The problem is that there are different ribbon color schemes in wide use.

Normally I'd go with the most common, which starts blue, red, white, then yellow: that's what gets used for sports so you see it in most situations.

However! Horse shows use blue, red, yellow, then white. That seems more appropriate for some reason. :raritywink:

I'm probably going with yellow, though, because there's less chance of miscommunication.
#152 · 2
·
Happily Ever After*

The fixed version is now up on Fimfiction! Thanks so much to everypony for the invaluable feedback. :heart:

(If you missed it, my retrospective and response to feedback is over here.)
#153 · 1
· · >>Trick_Question >>Posh
>>Trick_Question
The FIMFic folder for the round has been created. Sorry for the delay.

(I would have done it earlier, but I was on vacation when the round started and sick when prelims ended.)

If anyone here needs contributor status on FF so they can add their stories to the group, just speak up and let me know.
#154 ·
·
>>horizon
I know! I added my story to it like an hour ago. :twilightsmile:

But yeah, it'd be nice if it could be more automatic. I'd bet Roger could write a magical script that would log in and add the folder the moment the prompt is chosen. :V
#155 · 3
·
Hey, everypony! I can't believe I came in 23rd! I still barely believe I made it to the finals! Thanks so much, everyone! I want to write a proper retrospective, but that will have to wait until tonight. I just needed to say thanks now that I have the opportunity!!
#156 · 6
· · >>Trick_Question >>horizon
>>horizon That's your excuse for the lack of mashups this round? Hack! Scoundrel! I believed in you. We believed in you!

Mmkay, so, post-mortem on Twix My Shits She's Done My Oriface:

>>CoffeeMinion
>>Monokeras
>>KwirkyJ
>>Xepher
>>georg
>>TheCyanRecluse
>>Orbiting_kettle
>>Trick_Question
>>Foehn
>>Not_A_Hat
>>ChappedPenguinLips
>>FanOfMostEverything

So, first of all, the title, as pointed out, comes from Othello, and is a reference to Iago suspecting Othello of cuckolding him. No, it doesn't have any thematic significance to the story beyond the common subject matter of infidelity. It's an artifact from the original plan I had for the story, which was focused on Cadance's insecurities over Shining sleeping with Incognito!Chrysalis.

I canned that version because I didn't like the direction it was taking, and I didn't like how Cadance was coming across. In that version as in the final, Shining had withdrawn from her, but rather than trying to get him to open up, she'd withdrawn from him in turn, taking it personally that Shining wouldn't make love to her, and reading all kinds of implications into it. He didn't want her because he'd already had someone better, or so she assumed.

There's something to be said for that interpretation of the character; it's a very flawed and (dare I say) human portrayal of Pink Winghorse. But I didn't think it was true to who she was, so I rewrote the story and took it in a different direction. I didn't change the title to reflect that new direction because I couldn't think of anything better in time.

I agree with the primary issues people raised with it, too. The conflict and resolution happen at a breakneck pace; in hindsight, I really couldn't tell this story in 750 words or less without wrapping things up unnaturally quickly. Before the prelims had finished, I was already thinking of ways to address that, and I think I have some good ideas for expanding it.

Thanks to all who read and responded to it, except for Trick_Question who did not understand the reference and is probably a giant prep n pozer who duznt even kno who GC an MCR r.

EDIT: This writeoff ruined my streak; I was two-for-two as a medalist in the competitions I'd participated in up until now. I hate you all for making me a LOSER. D:
#157 · 1
· · >>Posh
>>Posh
(This should probably be posted with the story, or at least have a link in the text, so we have a link to the story.) :derpytongue2:

I understand you're kidding about my ignorance, but:

Yes, I assumed the title was a reference from one of Shakespeare's more famous plays (I would have guessed either Othello or Hamlet), and I could have easily Googled it. The point of my pedantic "gee what's Office mean" is that the title, though clever, uses esoteric language which is mismatched with the language used in your story. It's also too far removed from what's happening in the story: this isn't a story about Cadance's reaction to Shining Armor, which is what the title seems to imply (because the Office is Cadance's). Rather, this is a story about Shining Armor's perspective and demons.

More generally, I think you'll leave some of your readers confused about the title, which means it's probably not the best title for a Fimfiction story if you intend it to have a wide audience. And a story with this theme is relevant enough that it should have a wide audience.

EDIT: We know you're kidding about not medaling, too, but most authors here have never earned a medal despite trying over and over again, so try not to push too hard with the complaints.
#158 · 3
·
>>Trick_Question I note with growing suspicion that you did not deny the accusations of being a prep n a pozer. Totally not inviting you to my goffik birthday party now. D:<
#159 · 2
· · >>The_Letter_J >>horizon
I've just given this advice a bunch of times in a row, so I'm going to repeat it here because I think it's good advice.

Be very careful using dialect and related English gimmicks in a story, especially if it makes things even a little harder for a portion of your audience to read.

Dialect always seems like a neat gimmick, and it's usually a terrible idea. It's easy to overdo. It should be limited to cases where a character is known to speak in a certain manner, the writing should not be a transcription of the sounds (like 'Ah' for 'I' with Applejack), it shouldn't be overdone (also easy to do with AJ), and it should be dropped completely if it makes things hard to read.

Yes, there are exceptions in award-winning fiction, and they're exceedingly rare. You are not James Joyce, and if you're writing prose rather than poetry, you shouldn't be describing things with super-flowery or poetic language. You should put English in your characters' mouths unless the story absolutely needs the dialect, and even then, you should limit it as much as possible.

Look at Cold in Gardez's... horizon's

Wait. What the buck. He took it down? I'm almost certain it was his story, and certain he published it, but it isn't on Fimfiction. Horse jesus. This is a crime against fiction. :(

Okay, then. Remember horizon's masterpiece with Celestia and Clover the Clever that spanned centuries. He did lots of things to illustrate the changes in time and character and period and society, but he didn't make Celestia talk with EME dialogue. She used normal English, because that's what people can read. Adding EME crap would have made the story harder to read and overall made it worse. It would have added nothing.

It's tempting to try to toss in dialect and flowery language and little unusual-English gimmicks, because it's a cheap way to add color and illustrate oddities. It's also a really bad idea, except for some very specific kinds of poetry.

Or maybe if you're James Joyce. Who I've never bothered to read, and probably never will.
#160 · 3
· · >>horizon >>Trick_Question
>>Trick_Question
Are you thinking of Time Enough for Love? It's horizon's story, it hasn't been published on fimfiction yet, and it's Clover the Clever, not Smart Cookie. But unless CiG wrote a suspiciously similar story without me knowing...
#161 · 4
· · >>Not_A_Hat >>Trick_Question
>>Posh
That's your excuse for the lack of mashups this round? Hack! Scoundrel! I believed in you. We believed in you!


Actually, my excuse for the lack of mashups was crashing last night before I could get a post written out, because I was going to at least join in the fun!

Incidentally, it's super awesome to see so many people jumping in on mashups! That's the way it's supposed to be. :D I just started becoming the mashup pusher because, lo these many months ago, the group started falling out of the habit and I didn't want to see the tradition die.




Breaking Breaking - When Trixie's nonconsensual snuggling habit becomes an addiction, her friend Berry Punch stages an intervention.

Day One Two Three Unicorn Tail Hairs - Raindolph sneaks into Canterlot Palace to steal tail hairs from virgin unicorn filly Twilight Sparkle. Drunk Celestia stumbles in on him and banishes him to the moon. He and Luna build an empire out of moon rocks.

Age Of My Friends - When Twilight pardons two turkeys for Applesgiving, she learns a bit too late that they're actually immortal turkeycorns who have been harassing Celestia and Luna since the Age of Discord.

And spot me a moment of prep for this next one:

*cues music*
Twilight.
Rainbow.
Sweetie.
Alfred.
Fading Wanting Trembling Morning -

Sisters, former, Scoota, pony.
Searching captain flying fying.

Twilight fading, Rainbow wanting, Sweetie trembling, Alfred's morning.
Sisters searching, Former captain, Scoota flying, ponifying.

Twilight fading (sisters searching)
Rainbow wanting (former captain)
Sweetie trembling (Scootaflying)
Alfred's morning (ponifying)

(Repeat in various combinations, with catchy industrial SFX, until end of song)
#162 · 4
· · >>Trick_Question >>CoffeeMinion >>Trick_Question >>Trick_Question >>Trick_Question
>>Trick_Question
Almost certainly >>The_Letter_J is correct. Time Enough For Love is mine, is as described above, and is still (far too slowly) undergoing final edits before it's crossposted.

(I commissioned some amazing cover art for it from Nadnerb.)
#163 · 3
· · >>horizon
>>horizonDaft Punk came up on my Pandora as I was reading this post. I'm not sure if I should be amazed or appalled.
#164 · 1
· · >>Trick_Question
>>Not_A_Hat
My work here is done. ^____^

(Once I get a retrospective typed up, anyhow.)
#165 ·
·
>>The_Letter_J
>>horizon
SHIT that's it. Derp derp derp.

I actually checked all of horizon's stories on FF too just to be sure. But I remember seeing art that got made for the story!!! Where else would I have seen art?
#166 · 2
· · >>CoffeeMinion
>>horizon
THAT'S the art.

See how I could have confused this for CiG (since he does all his own art). I am sorry I misremembered your amazing fucking story but put it up someday it is one of the most glorious things I have ever read in my life.
#167 · 2
·
>>horizon
>>Trick_Question
Yes please, the requests are doubled!

(Plus I'm still totally not posting Wub until Love goes up...)
#168 ·
·
>>horizon
Honestly though that title might be the only thing about the fic I'm not 100% on. It sounds a lot like Brian from Family Guy's hack novel, "Faster Than the Speed of Love". :derpytongue2:

Even though it fits the story like a glove, it seems slightly hackneyed and isn't evocative enough to remember. Hmm. Hmmmm. I'm thinkin'...
#169 ·
·
>>horizon
Ooh, Synchronized Devotion? No, no, wait, that's shit too. :facehoof:

The Hour of Dedication? Shit that's terrible. I'm so bad at this.

I might hit something, I just need to thesaurus for a few hours starting from "love" and "time", then give up and try another angle. :V
#170 ·
·
>>horizon
In a Time of Need? Oh fuck that's even worse! (Okay maybe it's not that bad, but still, bleah.)

Stop me! Please, somepony stop me! :raritydespair:
#171 · 3
· · >>We_Are_A_Hedge
I need some additional time for my retrospection, but I wanted to say that I’m quite pleased to have made the top ten. Congrats to the medalists, and all those who did better than they thought they deserved. And to those who did worse, take comfort; you have at least a spark of the fire in you if you’re even posting here at all.

And I should clear something up at this point.

>>Monokeras
(Horizon, is that you?)


I am persistently receiving compliments of this nature, for which I thank you.
However, for the record, I can unequinicabely state that neither Horizon and I are both not a changeling.
Thanks all too muchly.
#172 · 2
·
>>GroaningGreyAgony
QFT
#173 · 5
· · >>Trick_Question >>Trick_Question
There's been some talk of revisiting the idea of having an art writeoff, so I have created a poll to determine if there is interest.

Poll: https://goo.gl/forms/hHpMOLZcmOKII7vE2

Please vote even if to say "abstain", because I'd like to have what I can call a quorum on this.




Also, on the topic of general site stuff, I've started using the GitHub issue tracker to keep track of bugs/feature requests. I do skim these threads for such requests, but if you want to be sure I don't miss them and that I won't forget, you should post them there.
#174 · 1
·
>>RogerDodger
The only request I have right now is to make the un-highlighted green lines in the guessing section darker, because they're totes invisible on my monitor (I think N_A_H noticed the same thing). A lot of the highlighting on the site is hard to see in general, like the prelim ballot yellow vs. blue to mark the stories that made the cut. You could stand to darken most of the highlighty-things. I'm not sure if you're using a dimmer monitor or what exactly, but I use a triplet of ViewSonic 1080p LED monitors.
#175 ·
·
>>RogerDodger
Er, added it to issue tracker. Do with my gripe however you please. :twilightsmile:
#176 ·
·
>>horizon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmpRs7xN06Q