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>>Trick_Question >>Rolo >>FanOfMostEverything >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Morning Sun >>TheCyanRecluse >>georg >>TitaniumDragon >>PaulAsaran >>Icenrose >>Exuno >>Monokeras >>libertydude
Under the Bed
Thanks for the reviews everyone, and congratulations to the medalists.
I'm glad so many people ended up liking this story. In truth, I wasn't expecting much from the story. It was a bit half-assed on my part, and Istole borrowed the punchline from this thread on reddit about short horror stories. I honestly kind of figured more people would have seen the like before, and thus would fall flat like it did for some of you, but I guess that gamble paid off.
Like libertydude said, I do think that presenting the story within a frame narrative works better than just telling it straight out, because it takes the horror to much darker implications about "something normal in this world that we all know might actually be something horrific, and nobody ever noticed." It's a different type of scary than the monster under the bed reveal, and I think the story would have been weaker without it.
As a story, I don't think there's much room to expand it, and I never tend to bother with my minifics most of the time anyway. Maybe I'll get around to throwing them into a fic compilation one of these days.
Thanks again, and see you all next round!
Also I'm of the opinion that the story was all BS and Fluttershy was just fucking with everyone.
Under the Bed
Thanks for the reviews everyone, and congratulations to the medalists.
I'm glad so many people ended up liking this story. In truth, I wasn't expecting much from the story. It was a bit half-assed on my part, and I
Like libertydude said, I do think that presenting the story within a frame narrative works better than just telling it straight out, because it takes the horror to much darker implications about "something normal in this world that we all know might actually be something horrific, and nobody ever noticed." It's a different type of scary than the monster under the bed reveal, and I think the story would have been weaker without it.
As a story, I don't think there's much room to expand it, and I never tend to bother with my minifics most of the time anyway. Maybe I'll get around to throwing them into a fic compilation one of these days.
Thanks again, and see you all next round!
Also I'm of the opinion that the story was all BS and Fluttershy was just fucking with everyone.
>>horizon
I hate to admit it, but that's news to me. I always thought that stories took the same amount of time, depending on the author. What you say makes sense, though. I'm going to need to learn how to adequately judge data and criticism, and not be so hard on myself.
Looking over all of my stories, both here and elsewhere, I think I may've identified my biggest problem with writing as a whole, and I'll be trying to work to remedy that. In any case, thank you for your encouragement and suggestions. I'll try and fix the things I'm consistently doing badly—assessing situations, giving flat and vague descriptions, developing stakes—and be back for the next one, whenever that's going to be.
You got a story in the finals, and having a single story do poorly doesn't cancel that out...Some stories just need more love before they're polished to their full luster.
I hate to admit it, but that's news to me. I always thought that stories took the same amount of time, depending on the author. What you say makes sense, though. I'm going to need to learn how to adequately judge data and criticism, and not be so hard on myself.
Looking over all of my stories, both here and elsewhere, I think I may've identified my biggest problem with writing as a whole, and I'll be trying to work to remedy that. In any case, thank you for your encouragement and suggestions. I'll try and fix the things I'm consistently doing badly—assessing situations, giving flat and vague descriptions, developing stakes—and be back for the next one, whenever that's going to be.
>>Trick_Question
MA Larson said at Everfree Northwest that it isn't fun to throw rocks at Fluttershy.
Dude clearly is losing his edge.
MA Larson said at Everfree Northwest that it isn't fun to throw rocks at Fluttershy.
Dude clearly is losing his edge.
Starlight Glimmer Battles Existential Dread at Sunrise
As with many things I write, I came up with the first line of this before thinking about how the plot would go. In the very first outlines, Twilight was the one who went to Celestia. I eventually decided that it would make more sense for Starlight to have this sort of problem.
After submitting, I had the same exact opinion as everyone who read: Starlight's concerns are valid, but Celestia's speech is preachy and weak. Trust me, I know. It was torture watching everyone have to read it. What makes it worse is that I knew the entire time how to fix it. In my original outline, I had Celestia giving her own, real argument! She was gonna bring up what would happen if she were to accept Starlight's philosophy of non-action—she would stop moving the sun, stop bringing the day, and everyone would die.
I've got some ideas for how to fix this up. Thanks to everyone who read: >>Haze >>Trick_Question >>Baal Bunny >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Morning Sun >>horizon >>georg >>CoffeeMinion >>Exuno >>libertydude >>FanOfMostEverything
As with many things I write, I came up with the first line of this before thinking about how the plot would go. In the very first outlines, Twilight was the one who went to Celestia. I eventually decided that it would make more sense for Starlight to have this sort of problem.
After submitting, I had the same exact opinion as everyone who read: Starlight's concerns are valid, but Celestia's speech is preachy and weak. Trust me, I know. It was torture watching everyone have to read it. What makes it worse is that I knew the entire time how to fix it. In my original outline, I had Celestia giving her own, real argument! She was gonna bring up what would happen if she were to accept Starlight's philosophy of non-action—she would stop moving the sun, stop bringing the day, and everyone would die.
I've got some ideas for how to fix this up. Thanks to everyone who read: >>Haze >>Trick_Question >>Baal Bunny >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Morning Sun >>horizon >>georg >>CoffeeMinion >>Exuno >>libertydude >>FanOfMostEverything
Thanks for the additional comments, everypony.
I've been deliberating as to whether I was going to expand on this for FiMFiction. It was always intended to serve as a personal challenge to stop overthinking ideas, and just get on and write something, but I think I might publish it anyway. I'm going to tweak a few bits, and expand on a few areas—not too much, though. I want to keep it short.
I wondered if anypony would be interested in casting an eye over it, when it's done? I'm conscious I don't want to ruin too much of the theme/content through overdeveloping, so it would be good to get a critique on it before it goes out.
I've been deliberating as to whether I was going to expand on this for FiMFiction. It was always intended to serve as a personal challenge to stop overthinking ideas, and just get on and write something, but I think I might publish it anyway. I'm going to tweak a few bits, and expand on a few areas—not too much, though. I want to keep it short.
I wondered if anypony would be interested in casting an eye over it, when it's done? I'm conscious I don't want to ruin too much of the theme/content through overdeveloping, so it would be good to get a critique on it before it goes out.
>>Oroboro
As much as I like that interpretation, I'm not sure I can buy Fluttershy making up the story—it's too far outside the bounds of what her character can do well. She can scare ponies by directly terrorizing them, but she isn't remotely good at telling scary stories (see "Scare Master"). I expect her to shy from scary tales.
As much as I like that interpretation, I'm not sure I can buy Fluttershy making up the story—it's too far outside the bounds of what her character can do well. She can scare ponies by directly terrorizing them, but she isn't remotely good at telling scary stories (see "Scare Master"). I expect her to shy from scary tales.
>>horizon
Hay horizon. Hay. Hay horizon, hay. Hay there.
Celestia's in the jail cell and Twilight ain't.
EDIT: also, in the story, Celestia is the one in the jail cell and not Twilight
MORE DIFFERENT EDIT: I looked online for illustrations but apparently ponies don't draw Celestia in jail by herself — Bad Horse should get on that immediately
Hay horizon. Hay. Hay horizon, hay. Hay there.
Celestia's in the jail cell and Twilight ain't.
EDIT: also, in the story, Celestia is the one in the jail cell and not Twilight
MORE DIFFERENT EDIT: I looked online for illustrations but apparently ponies don't draw Celestia in jail by herself — Bad Horse should get on that immediately
Well, I can at least say I wrote one thing this year. That's a pretty low bar, but hey, it's something.
Really, this story came out of a sense that I wanted to write something for this writeoff, so it was in part forced. I picked out a random idea I had filed away in my brain's "maybe" file a while back, and figured out a way to make it match the prompt.
Immediately after starting to write I ran into problems. I initially saw this story as I "suggested" (>>Rolo); that is, with the interrogation being the bulk of the story and the switched-bodies explanation serving as the punchline that follows. Yet when I tried to write it, the punchline just grew into a full section of its own. The result was two scenes that were balanced in length - not what I had tried for, but something I though would still pass. I then switched the order of the scenes. The story went from "Yeah, this is a cool idea!" to "Eh, I guess this sorta works."
The comments here have enlightened me to another problem: The interrogation section is too squicky and humourless. I think it's the slap that does it. I paused when adding that in, but I figured a tiny bit of violence would make for good spice. Seems not. I think it may have worked better in the original scene order, going from serious to funny, while the inverse just leaves the reader uncomfortable.
The submission was disappointing from the start, though as with all my writing, I did grow more fond of it. Call it narcissism. I'm surprised that I made finals with this, yet sad that it ended up ranked so low. It's all a weird mix. Nevertheless, I thank everyone who commented or voted.
>>CoffeeMinion
Really, geez, Rainbow wasn't trying to rape Cadance! She just saw an opportunity for a prank. Probably wanted to stuff some of Cadance's lingere into Shining's wardrobe or something lame like that. I guess I really failed at getting the tone right.
>>Monokeras
This comment, among others, leaves me feeling weird. It questions the very word choices that I like the most in my own writing. It's not the first time this has happened and (hopefully) won't be the last. No hard feelings, obviously, but that's not something I'm planning to change.
And the Crystal Sun-Blossom is a magic crystal flower-thing that switches ponies' bodies around. I didn't think it through much more than that. It could have been called "Magical Plot Device #187".
Nice job to everyone who participated. Congrats to the medalists. For whatever it's worth, my own top 6 favourite fics this time, in order:
Data Doesn't Lie by horizon (Really, only seventh place?! This was as close to perfection as it gets!)
The Sphinx by Cold in Gardez
The Lighthouse and the Sea by TheCyanRecluse
Shooting for the Moon by Trick_Question
The Apprentice by Cold in Gardez (Hey, buddy, not fair getting on this list twice!)
Threads by Ceffyl_Dwr
Really, this story came out of a sense that I wanted to write something for this writeoff, so it was in part forced. I picked out a random idea I had filed away in my brain's "maybe" file a while back, and figured out a way to make it match the prompt.
Immediately after starting to write I ran into problems. I initially saw this story as I "suggested" (>>Rolo); that is, with the interrogation being the bulk of the story and the switched-bodies explanation serving as the punchline that follows. Yet when I tried to write it, the punchline just grew into a full section of its own. The result was two scenes that were balanced in length - not what I had tried for, but something I though would still pass. I then switched the order of the scenes. The story went from "Yeah, this is a cool idea!" to "Eh, I guess this sorta works."
The comments here have enlightened me to another problem: The interrogation section is too squicky and humourless. I think it's the slap that does it. I paused when adding that in, but I figured a tiny bit of violence would make for good spice. Seems not. I think it may have worked better in the original scene order, going from serious to funny, while the inverse just leaves the reader uncomfortable.
The submission was disappointing from the start, though as with all my writing, I did grow more fond of it. Call it narcissism. I'm surprised that I made finals with this, yet sad that it ended up ranked so low. It's all a weird mix. Nevertheless, I thank everyone who commented or voted.
>>CoffeeMinion
Really, geez, Rainbow wasn't trying to rape Cadance! She just saw an opportunity for a prank. Probably wanted to stuff some of Cadance's lingere into Shining's wardrobe or something lame like that. I guess I really failed at getting the tone right.
>>Monokeras
This comment, among others, leaves me feeling weird. It questions the very word choices that I like the most in my own writing. It's not the first time this has happened and (hopefully) won't be the last. No hard feelings, obviously, but that's not something I'm planning to change.
And the Crystal Sun-Blossom is a magic crystal flower-thing that switches ponies' bodies around. I didn't think it through much more than that. It could have been called "Magical Plot Device #187".
Nice job to everyone who participated. Congrats to the medalists. For whatever it's worth, my own top 6 favourite fics this time, in order:
Data Doesn't Lie by horizon (Really, only seventh place?! This was as close to perfection as it gets!)
The Sphinx by Cold in Gardez
The Lighthouse and the Sea by TheCyanRecluse
Shooting for the Moon by Trick_Question
The Apprentice by Cold in Gardez (Hey, buddy, not fair getting on this list twice!)
Threads by Ceffyl_Dwr
apologies to all those unfamiliar with Carmen Sandiego
this followed the computer games more closely, but just had to stick in the TV show's song at the end because it's too good
unsure if I'll polish it for fimfic. it might across as too "crackficcy"
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
the first thing I had to delete to fit in word limits, unfortunately. I had to assume everyone's familiar with her, which just made it even more obscure to those who didn't.
this followed the computer games more closely, but just had to stick in the TV show's song at the end because it's too good
unsure if I'll polish it for fimfic. it might across as too "crackficcy"
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
I feel like I remember her having a stronger personality than is displayed here.
the first thing I had to delete to fit in word limits, unfortunately. I had to assume everyone's familiar with her, which just made it even more obscure to those who didn't.
>>Not_Worthy2
I have to say that the criticism you have received (including mine) can indeed seem unhelpfully vague. A full editing pass, going line by line with someone pointing out which details don't work or don't make sense, would be the proper thing to do here, and would be far more educational than anything you've received as feedback so far.
For reasons I'd rather not get into, I'm not that person right now. But don't be so hard on yourself. This story is not "garbage". I've read garbage. This isn't it. This is a "fixer-upper".
I have to say that the criticism you have received (including mine) can indeed seem unhelpfully vague. A full editing pass, going line by line with someone pointing out which details don't work or don't make sense, would be the proper thing to do here, and would be far more educational than anything you've received as feedback so far.
For reasons I'd rather not get into, I'm not that person right now. But don't be so hard on yourself. This story is not "garbage". I've read garbage. This isn't it. This is a "fixer-upper".
The Lighthouse and The Sea
Retrospective / Response
Wow! First Place! I really didn't see that coming! O.o
I was rather hoping to medal this time, given the generally positive reviews… But I figured I'd maybe get a bronze, or (more likely) fourth of fifth place! Well, I guess that ends my slow crawl up the scoreboard as the highest ranked writer without a medal! :)
Also of note, I apparently get my best results with stories that have little to no actual dialogue… I'm not sure what to make of that… O.o
Anyway, when this prompt came up I quickly decided that I wanted to write a genre I generally don't do. Romance! Because love is something where just about everyone finds themselves in over their head! Now, I had recently (re)read Georg's “The One That Got Away” (which I highly recommend) so when I thought 'Romance' I quickly followed it up with 'Sea Ponies.'
So I decided that a lonely soul would fall in love with a sea pony and live happily ever after. And what job is more lonely than running a lighthouse? But the Lighthouse would have to be really off the beaten path, or you could just have a pegasi work there and fly home every day. So I needed an excuse to have it be really isolated… Thus it being on the coast of the Badlands, a place filled with monsters, chaos, and nasty weather.
The opening hook of “Watch out for the sea ponies” came soon after. Originally I was going to have Beacon Heart 'Watch Out' for the sea ponies by rescuing them from a monster.. And falling in love with one of them. But 750 words just wasn't enough for the setup, a monster fight, and a 'happily ever after.' I'd have been lucky to manage two of those!
So I went with a straight love story, told in a very abbreviated fashion. Which apparently turned out quite well!
I'm a bit surprised that people found the ending ambiguous though… I mean, sure, in human mythos Mermaids often drag their would be paramours to a watery grave. But this is Equestria, and thus leans heavily towards happier endings. :)
>>FanOfMostEverything
I hadn't really meant for it to be ambiguous at all, truth be told. Beacon Heart makes his leap of faith, an Earth Pony jumps.. And a sea pony hits the water, where he can be with his true love. I thought of making mention of some seapony magic that would let him join her… But I a) didn't have the words and b) thought it would work better without excessive explanation… It's just 'magic.'
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
>>Trick_Question
Hmmmm.. I've never heard of that book, let alone read it… I just figured that Mermare and Sea Pony would more or less be equivalent terms for the same creature.
>>Everyday
Thanks! I really had to cut things a lot to make the whole story fit, so it's nice to see that I picked the right words to leave behind when I was trimming it down.
>>The_Letter_J
Yeah, it is a bit lacking in details.. But that's really the only way I could tell an entire story in a minific as opposed to a single scene.. And why does everyone expect my love story to end in murder? O.o
I thought that "Watch out for the sea ponies" made an excellent hook... And in the end it was going to be revealed that it was meant not as a warning: 'Beware the sea ponies.' But as a call to protect them: 'Take care of the sea ponies.' The storyline kinda shifted away from that, but I think I'll clarify that point a bit when I lengthen it for FimFiction.
>>Monokeras
You know, I think I'll take this little story being compared to Disney movies as a major compliment. :) It was really meant to be a simple little love story after all.
>>Morning Sun
Thanks, that was pretty much exactly what I was aiming for. :)
>>georg
But... But... But.. What's wrong with Turquoise?? Damn it, I knew I should have gone for emerald green! :)
>>CoffeeMinion
Thanks for the vote of confidence! But I gotta ask... Who did you think actually wrote it? Because I seriously doubt you thought it was me! I am perennially surprised that I never manage to win an 'avoided detection' award. Surely my writing style isn't that recognizable? And a love story is a bit outside of my usual genre... Or at least I think so.
It's my over use of italics that gives me away, isn't it? Curse my reliance on them for emphasis! Curse it! ;>
>>Rolo
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
I'm just still puzzled why everyone seemed to expect it to be a tragedy. I'd say that my writing style clearly needs work... But it seems to have worked, so... If it ain't broke, don't fix it? O.o
>>Exuno
I was actually a little worried that the section describing the existence of the lighthouse didn't quite fit the rest of the piece. I left it in for two reasons: a) I needed to give some sort of explanation as to why this particular lighthouse was so isolated and b) I was just really pleased with the explanation I came up with, and the prose I used to describe it. I know it's generally a bad idea to become so attached to a bit of your own writing that you can't cut it for the good of the story... But I had a reason to keep it... And I was so happy with how that bit turned out. ;)
Honestly, I wish I knew what I had done right... Then I'd keep doing it! The lesson I'm taking away from this is... Never write any actual dialogue. Yep, that's definitely the key to a highly ranked story!
My next story? It's going to be nothing but descriptions of interpretive dance! ;>
>>Rolo
Thanks! I.. think. I'll just take the whole 'vague-bordering-on-pointlessness' thing as a compliment then....? Heh. But really, I suppose I was sort of subconsciously aiming for that type of narrative... Sort of an old sea story. An archetypical tale told over the ages, changing a little each time, but with the core of it remaining true...
>>libertydude
Everybody thinks poor Beacon Heart is gonna die! It's a love story! He turned into a sea pony! He and Sea Foam are gonna get married in a lovely underwater ceremony and have lots of sea pony foals! He'll take them camping and as he'll tell them stories of the Dry Lands as they make smores out of kelp and algae, melted over a hot magma vent! They'll grow old together and spoil their grandchildren rotten and one day they'll swim off into the deep ocean together and never be seen again, because nobody dies on screen in a love story, not even of old age!
...
Okay, so maybe the original ending just had him jumping into the water, and was intentionally vague as to whether he lived happily ever after or drowned... But I changed it to mention hooves and a tail hitting the water to make it clear it was a happy endings! Though perhaps a single sentence isn't quite strong enough to differentiate between a romance and a tradgedy... ;>
Glad you liked it!
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
Yeah, I have to admit, the characters in this story were... I won't say weak... More like they're just general outlines. I didn't have enough words to really describe them after all, so the reader has to use their imagination. I think that under most circumstances focusing so much on the setting and so little on the characters would be a detriment... But somehow, and I'm, not quite sure why or how, it seems to have really come together in this one.
Of course, it probably says something about my skills as a writer when I wrote it, and I'm not quite sure why it worked so well. ;>
Anyway, thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, and voted for this. I'm really very surprised and pleased to have gotten the gold on this one! Thanks Everyone! :)
>>TheCyanRecluse
It confused me at first because I thought you meant them to be two separate races—there's no easy way in the story as written to disambiguate that you're using two names for the same critter.
Traditionally seaponies are like seahorses (from way back in G1), whereas the sirens were merpony-like.
And enjoy your medal, first of many. :raritywink:
EDIT: You shouldn't be surprised! It's a really great story! :pinkiehappy:
It confused me at first because I thought you meant them to be two separate races—there's no easy way in the story as written to disambiguate that you're using two names for the same critter.
Traditionally seaponies are like seahorses (from way back in G1), whereas the sirens were merpony-like.
And enjoy your medal, first of many. :raritywink:
EDIT: You shouldn't be surprised! It's a really great story! :pinkiehappy:
Congrats on first place!
>>TheCyanRecluse
Heh. In a way. In its lack of detail the story flirts with being as bland and generic as "An earth pony falls in love with a seapony. So he becomes a seapony, and they live happily together in the sea." And yet it manages to be engaging and emotionally resonates and it's hard to tell where or even if it ever crosses over into having developed characters and setting in the typical sense.
It does, yet somehow hides that it does?
I dunno. I can't word good, apparently in both my entry and in my comments.
Please just take away that I really liked this one, and I think of it as having an atypical spartan style that is to your credit.
>>TheCyanRecluse
I'll just take the whole 'vague-bordering-on-pointlessness' thing as a compliment then....?
Heh. In a way. In its lack of detail the story flirts with being as bland and generic as "An earth pony falls in love with a seapony. So he becomes a seapony, and they live happily together in the sea." And yet it manages to be engaging and emotionally resonates and it's hard to tell where or even if it ever crosses over into having developed characters and setting in the typical sense.
It does, yet somehow hides that it does?
I dunno. I can't word good, apparently in both my entry and in my comments.
Please just take away that I really liked this one, and I think of it as having an atypical spartan style that is to your credit.
Got halfway through typing up my analysis when a massive storm came through and knocked our power out. -_-
No storm now, so here goes!
>>Haze >>spigo >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Not_Worthy2 >>PinoyPony >>TitaniumDragon >>Exuno >>georg >>Icenrose
Epic Rhyme Battle of Equestria post-contest analysis:
The inspiration for this piece came from The Last Airbender's "Haiku Battle" scene in which Sokka and a haiku teacher go at each other's throats with viscous poetry. While Sokka loses by miscounting a line's syllables, Pinkie loses by not rhyming. It was a fun scene that was begging to be ponified, and what better characters for Sokka and the haiku teacher than Pinkie and Zecora? The other, more obvious inspiration came from Epic Rap Battles of History.
As before mentioned, this was the first writeoff that I placed in the finals (though only just barely, judging by the results). Perhaps not coincidentally, this was my first fic which didn't run into word limit problems.
That said, I feel that trying to make this a legitimate rap was my downfall. ERBoH can bend the rules of meter because they are literally reading their lines aloud. Need to split an eighth note into two sixteenth notes? Go for it. Want to join two eighth notes into a quarter note? Sure. However, this bending-the-rules format didn't translate into written medium as well as I'd hoped.
Two lines that I just can't excuse need to be addressed individually.
So apparently the rhyming dictionary app on my phone also gives approximate rhymes. After trying numerous other lines that turned out even worse than this, I decided to leave it like this rather than rework a good chunk of the paragraph. Luckily, >>libertydude gave me an excuse that I think I'll have to stick with, at least for now. Pinkie is still a novice at improv rhyming.
Then, there's the big reveal that as a filly, Zecora was actually cursed to rhyme instead of speculating that her speech pattern is a cultural or personal thing. While met with mixed reactions, I must point out to >>Trick_Question (among others) that the "curse" isn't actually all that bad. Other than forcing its host to rhyme, there's no apparent side effects. Now, if Zecora moves into town and Pinkie moves out to the Everfree, yeah, that would sure be a curse.
>>PaulAsaran
And, yes, it's contagious, this curse I have spread.
There's something to ponder awake on your bed!
In conclusion, many of you said that this was a fun fic, and I'm glad. It's actually kind of fitting that my first comedy utilized Pinkie Pie, and managed to succeed in making at least half of you smile. If you enjoyed this, you will probably enjoy the scene from The Last Airbender which inspired this fic: https://youtu.be/K7-2_gUuWK4
Verict: Better than I thought it would do; encouragement for my future endeavors
No storm now, so here goes!
>>Haze >>spigo >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Not_Worthy2 >>PinoyPony >>TitaniumDragon >>Exuno >>georg >>Icenrose
Epic Rhyme Battle of Equestria post-contest analysis:
The inspiration for this piece came from The Last Airbender's "Haiku Battle" scene in which Sokka and a haiku teacher go at each other's throats with viscous poetry. While Sokka loses by miscounting a line's syllables, Pinkie loses by not rhyming. It was a fun scene that was begging to be ponified, and what better characters for Sokka and the haiku teacher than Pinkie and Zecora? The other, more obvious inspiration came from Epic Rap Battles of History.
As before mentioned, this was the first writeoff that I placed in the finals (though only just barely, judging by the results). Perhaps not coincidentally, this was my first fic which didn't run into word limit problems.
That said, I feel that trying to make this a legitimate rap was my downfall. ERBoH can bend the rules of meter because they are literally reading their lines aloud. Need to split an eighth note into two sixteenth notes? Go for it. Want to join two eighth notes into a quarter note? Sure. However, this bending-the-rules format didn't translate into written medium as well as I'd hoped.
Two lines that I just can't excuse need to be addressed individually.
“While it’s true that I’m random, that can’t mean I’m not rapt!
But you, on the other hoof, aren’t as adept..."
So apparently the rhyming dictionary app on my phone also gives approximate rhymes. After trying numerous other lines that turned out even worse than this, I decided to leave it like this rather than rework a good chunk of the paragraph. Luckily, >>libertydude gave me an excuse that I think I'll have to stick with, at least for now. Pinkie is still a novice at improv rhyming.
Then, there's the big reveal that as a filly, Zecora was actually cursed to rhyme instead of speculating that her speech pattern is a cultural or personal thing. While met with mixed reactions, I must point out to >>Trick_Question (among others) that the "curse" isn't actually all that bad. Other than forcing its host to rhyme, there's no apparent side effects. Now, if Zecora moves into town and Pinkie moves out to the Everfree, yeah, that would sure be a curse.
>>PaulAsaran
And, yes, it's contagious, this curse I have spread.
There's something to ponder awake on your bed!
In conclusion, many of you said that this was a fun fic, and I'm glad. It's actually kind of fitting that my first comedy utilized Pinkie Pie, and managed to succeed in making at least half of you smile. If you enjoyed this, you will probably enjoy the scene from The Last Airbender which inspired this fic: https://youtu.be/K7-2_gUuWK4
Verict: Better than I thought it would do; encouragement for my future endeavors
>>Trick_Question
Speaking of me being an idiot, Baal Bunny gave me a gentle nudge that I hadn't created the "In Over Your Head" folder in the Writeoff FIMFiction group yet. This has been rectified, so all y'all can actually post your stories and add them to the Writeoff group now. :-p
I still maintain that I had a legitimate interpretation based on text as written. Death Of The Author and all that. But, as has been proven way too many times, I'm not always gonna get it right.
Speaking of me being an idiot, Baal Bunny gave me a gentle nudge that I hadn't created the "In Over Your Head" folder in the Writeoff FIMFiction group yet. This has been rectified, so all y'all can actually post your stories and add them to the Writeoff group now. :-p
I still maintain that I had a legitimate interpretation based on text as written. Death Of The Author and all that. But, as has been proven way too many times, I'm not always gonna get it right.
Love, Or Something Like It -- A Retrospective, Or Something Like One
First of all, thank you to >>FanOfMostEverything, >>TitaniumDragon, >>Trick_Question, >>Icenrose, >>Ceffyl_Dwr, >>Morning Sun, >>Exuno, and >>georg for your comments! It seems like the general consensus is that a clearer sense of what's at stake would help, as well as more of a resolution. The "red eyes" thing also should have been handled differently. If anyone would be interested in reading and commenting on an expanded version, you can do that here; I would love to get another round of feedback before posting this on FimFiction.
Speaking generally: this piece was ambitious, and it didn't come off quite as smoothly as I hoped, but the concept spoke to me and I'm glad it was well-received. Of course I was a bit surprised and nervous when I learned this wasn't the only Rarity-impersonator-seduces-Spike story in the Writeoff, but c'est la vie.
Thank you everyone for giving me another shot at the finals!
>>TheCyanRecluse
You should. You know I dote on dark stories, that's why a dark ending would've suited me most. I apologise if my comment came across as unseemly. I seriously consider stopping reviewing anyway, given that I'm as clumsy for reviews than I am for stories.
Congrats! well done!
You know, I think I'll take this little story being compared to Disney movies as a major compliment. :)
You should. You know I dote on dark stories, that's why a dark ending would've suited me most. I apologise if my comment came across as unseemly. I seriously consider stopping reviewing anyway, given that I'm as clumsy for reviews than I am for stories.
Congrats! well done!
>>TheCyanRecluse
Nothing's wrong with turquoise. Except you spelled it turqouse
Like I said, that's the only thing that knocked me out of my warm fuzzy on this story. (Yeah, I'm a sucker for seaponies)
Nothing's wrong with turquoise. Except you spelled it turqouse
Like I said, that's the only thing that knocked me out of my warm fuzzy on this story. (Yeah, I'm a sucker for seaponies)
>>TheCyanRecluse Well, I feel bad admitting it now, but I was dead certain that horizon wrote this. Which, given his Writeoff track record, I hope you will take as more of a compliment than not.
With that said, I don't want to take away from your victory by drawing the comparison. Congratulations!
With that said, I don't want to take away from your victory by drawing the comparison. Congratulations!
>>PinoyPony
Finally I decided to chuck it, so don't worry about it. You're more than fine.
I hope you aren't too angry about it. If it makes you feel any better, I look forward to reading it when you're finished.
Finally I decided to chuck it, so don't worry about it. You're more than fine.
>>horizon
I hadn't bugged you for that yet even though I plan to publish both of mine because I'm neck-deep in secret project. :pinkiehappy:
I hadn't bugged you for that yet even though I plan to publish both of mine because I'm neck-deep in secret project. :pinkiehappy:
>>horizon
Thank you for this comment/essay. I do want to reply to it, I am just being delayed by the process of moving. I'll try to get to it when I can.
Thank you for this comment/essay. I do want to reply to it, I am just being delayed by the process of moving. I'll try to get to it when I can.
>>Monokeras
Come on, now. The proper balance is to take reader opinions into account and weigh them against one's own convictions. I don't dismiss them as "crap" - I just conclude in some cases that I can't please both a particular reader and myself at the same time. Tastes differ between people. That's fine.
There's no need for your apology, and I did not mean my own comment to be particularly negative. I felt "weird" in the "curious" sense, not the "bad" sense. I value all the feedback I get, even in those cases when I don't directly follow it.
Come on, now. The proper balance is to take reader opinions into account and weigh them against one's own convictions. I don't dismiss them as "crap" - I just conclude in some cases that I can't please both a particular reader and myself at the same time. Tastes differ between people. That's fine.
There's no need for your apology, and I did not mean my own comment to be particularly negative. I felt "weird" in the "curious" sense, not the "bad" sense. I value all the feedback I get, even in those cases when I don't directly follow it.