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The Lighthouse and the Sea
'Watch out for the seaponies.'
Those had been the last words Guiding Light said to him before the old stallion passed his duties on to Beacon Heart. 'Watch out for the seaponies.'
Beacon had just chuckled at the time, believing it to be a joke. Or perhaps the loneliness and isolation of his posting had caused the old stallion to see things? He might have been young, but he was no foal, believing in old mare's tales like mermares and manticores. Nor did he believe that a little isolation would bother a tough earth pony such as himself much.
The Badlands were a strange place for a lighthouse.
Or so most ponies would say.
Ponies thought of the Badlands as hundreds of miles of uninhabitable desert and wild weather. Nopony gave much thought to the ocean that lay on the other side. Nopony but the sailors that passed the treacherous coastline as they carried trade goods between Zebrica and Equestria.
Those ships needed a lighthouse to warn and guide them to safety.
And a lighthouse needs a lighthouse keeper.
Time proved Beacon Heart a fool. A fool twice over.
Firstly, because it was lonely enough on his little island to drive a pony to hallucinations. The biweekly pegasi supply runs provided him with fresh food and news, but little conversation. The loneliness was almost unbearable.
Secondly, because the seaponies were real.
Strange, skittish creatures they were. Earth ponies from the flank up, and naught but fish scales and strange, graceful tails below.
Sometimes they would sun themselves on the rocks around his lighthouse. They seemed to enjoy the sheltered waters of a particular small, rocky grotto.
At first he kept his distance. The mermares seemed to have the same idea, as they would dive into the deep waters of the grotto should he draw near.
But eventually loneliness got the best of him. As strange and worrisome as he found the creatures, they were somepony to talk to. And as skittish and flighty as they were, they eventually grew comfortable with his presence.
One seapony in particular was braver than most. Sea Foam was her name. And she had lived her whole life in the ocean around his lighthouse, watching its bright beams cut through the night.
Beacon Heart and Sea Foam spoke of many things. The workings of the lighthouse. The wrecks of ancient ships she found in the depths. The strange things found far inland, or deep in the sea.
They gave each other gifts. Small things. A fresh orange, or a bit of sea glass. A silvered mirror, or a shark's tooth. Bits and baubles from two separate worlds.
Time passed, and so did Beacon's loneliness.
Time passed.
Days turned into weeks, turned into months, turned into years.
Occasional visits to the grotto turned into regular visits. Turned into every sunny afternoon. Turned into every day it wasn't storming.
'That strange mermare' turned into 'that nice mare.'
Turned into 'That pretty mare'
Turned into 'That beautiful mare with the turqouse eyes you could lose yourself in, orange mane like Celestia's setting sun, and lips as red at the most delicious rose.'
Time passed. And after three years, Beacon Heart's calendar had reached its final days.
His rotation was over. He would return to the lands of his birth, and a new lighthouse keeper would take over his duties, as he had taken over from Guiding Light.
The pegasi drawn carriage would arrive with his replacement soon. His final duty was to pass on his knowledge and experience to his successor, as Guiding Light had done for him. He made sure to leave detailed notes and written instructions inside the lighthouse.
He wouldn't be there to speak to them in person.
Watch out for the seaponies Guiding Light had said.
But there was only one seapony Beacon wanted to watch forever.
Beacon Heart stood upon the rocks of the grotto, looking down at Sea Foam.
The water here was deep. If he jumped, his hooves might never touch the bottom.
If he jumped, his hooves might never touch dry land again.
He was afraid.
He looked into her eyes, and they spoke to him. They said I love you and I will keep you safe.
He closed his eyes, taking one last deep breath.
Four hooves left the rocks of the grotto.
Two hooves and a tail struck the water below.
The ocean closed over his head with nary a splash.
Those had been the last words Guiding Light said to him before the old stallion passed his duties on to Beacon Heart. 'Watch out for the seaponies.'
Beacon had just chuckled at the time, believing it to be a joke. Or perhaps the loneliness and isolation of his posting had caused the old stallion to see things? He might have been young, but he was no foal, believing in old mare's tales like mermares and manticores. Nor did he believe that a little isolation would bother a tough earth pony such as himself much.
The Badlands were a strange place for a lighthouse.
Or so most ponies would say.
Ponies thought of the Badlands as hundreds of miles of uninhabitable desert and wild weather. Nopony gave much thought to the ocean that lay on the other side. Nopony but the sailors that passed the treacherous coastline as they carried trade goods between Zebrica and Equestria.
Those ships needed a lighthouse to warn and guide them to safety.
And a lighthouse needs a lighthouse keeper.
Time proved Beacon Heart a fool. A fool twice over.
Firstly, because it was lonely enough on his little island to drive a pony to hallucinations. The biweekly pegasi supply runs provided him with fresh food and news, but little conversation. The loneliness was almost unbearable.
Secondly, because the seaponies were real.
Strange, skittish creatures they were. Earth ponies from the flank up, and naught but fish scales and strange, graceful tails below.
Sometimes they would sun themselves on the rocks around his lighthouse. They seemed to enjoy the sheltered waters of a particular small, rocky grotto.
At first he kept his distance. The mermares seemed to have the same idea, as they would dive into the deep waters of the grotto should he draw near.
But eventually loneliness got the best of him. As strange and worrisome as he found the creatures, they were somepony to talk to. And as skittish and flighty as they were, they eventually grew comfortable with his presence.
One seapony in particular was braver than most. Sea Foam was her name. And she had lived her whole life in the ocean around his lighthouse, watching its bright beams cut through the night.
Beacon Heart and Sea Foam spoke of many things. The workings of the lighthouse. The wrecks of ancient ships she found in the depths. The strange things found far inland, or deep in the sea.
They gave each other gifts. Small things. A fresh orange, or a bit of sea glass. A silvered mirror, or a shark's tooth. Bits and baubles from two separate worlds.
Time passed, and so did Beacon's loneliness.
Time passed.
Days turned into weeks, turned into months, turned into years.
Occasional visits to the grotto turned into regular visits. Turned into every sunny afternoon. Turned into every day it wasn't storming.
'That strange mermare' turned into 'that nice mare.'
Turned into 'That pretty mare'
Turned into 'That beautiful mare with the turqouse eyes you could lose yourself in, orange mane like Celestia's setting sun, and lips as red at the most delicious rose.'
Time passed. And after three years, Beacon Heart's calendar had reached its final days.
His rotation was over. He would return to the lands of his birth, and a new lighthouse keeper would take over his duties, as he had taken over from Guiding Light.
The pegasi drawn carriage would arrive with his replacement soon. His final duty was to pass on his knowledge and experience to his successor, as Guiding Light had done for him. He made sure to leave detailed notes and written instructions inside the lighthouse.
He wouldn't be there to speak to them in person.
Watch out for the seaponies Guiding Light had said.
But there was only one seapony Beacon wanted to watch forever.
Beacon Heart stood upon the rocks of the grotto, looking down at Sea Foam.
The water here was deep. If he jumped, his hooves might never touch the bottom.
If he jumped, his hooves might never touch dry land again.
He was afraid.
He looked into her eyes, and they spoke to him. They said I love you and I will keep you safe.
He closed his eyes, taking one last deep breath.
Four hooves left the rocks of the grotto.
Two hooves and a tail struck the water below.
The ocean closed over his head with nary a splash.
Nice touch in using manticores to emphasize Beacon’s youthful arrogance.
In all, a lovely and concise story that uses every word available to tell it. The ending's especially interesting. I genuinely can't tell if it's meant to be ambiguous or not. It's meta-ambiguous.
In all, a lovely and concise story that uses every word available to tell it. The ending's especially interesting. I genuinely can't tell if it's meant to be ambiguous or not. It's meta-ambiguous.
Fabulous. This story has a wistful, ethereal quality that really got under my skin. I'm not sure if the ending is ambiguous either, or if it's meant to be; there's certainly enough in the earlier narrative to prevent it being so, in my opinion. It's wonderful, though, and wrings every last drop of mythology and world-building out of its short word limit.
Thanks for sharing your work.
Thanks for sharing your work.
It isn't at all clear that mermares and seaponies refer to the same creatures, but that must be the case based on the fact that the poetic part refers to a mermare and Sea Foam is otherwise called a seapony.
This confusion is aided by the fact that in the Under the Sparkling Sea book (that features the Mane 6), seaponies are similar to seahorses and mermares are instead similar to fish. So don't use different names for the same thing without establishing equivalence.
This confusion is aided by the fact that in the Under the Sparkling Sea book (that features the Mane 6), seaponies are similar to seahorses and mermares are instead similar to fish. So don't use different names for the same thing without establishing equivalence.
I like this a lot.
This story makes excellent use of the word-limit. It manages to emphasize a feeling of loneliness without overdoing it (which is very easy to do). There was a nice progression for our protagonist. And of course, the ending is crafted very well.
Nice work. Thank you for writing.
This story makes excellent use of the word-limit. It manages to emphasize a feeling of loneliness without overdoing it (which is very easy to do). There was a nice progression for our protagonist. And of course, the ending is crafted very well.
Nice work. Thank you for writing.
When I heard this story read in the chat a few days ago, I wasn't particularly impressed. I think my biggest problem with it is that it seemed a lot more like a summary of a potentially interesting story than an actual story.
But having just reread it, I found it much more enjoyable for some reason. Maybe it helped that I knew it wasn't going to end with the seapony eating him this time, but I don't know.
I do still wonder why the previous lighthouse keeper told him to watch out for the seaponies. We don't have any indication of why they might be considered a bad thing.
I still would rather have read the full version of this, but it will probably end up higher on my slate than it might have if I had ranked it a few days ago.
But having just reread it, I found it much more enjoyable for some reason. Maybe it helped that I knew it wasn't going to end with the seapony eating him this time, but I don't know.
I do still wonder why the previous lighthouse keeper told him to watch out for the seaponies. We don't have any indication of why they might be considered a bad thing.
I still would rather have read the full version of this, but it will probably end up higher on my slate than it might have if I had ranked it a few days ago.
It's a good story, though I found it to be somewhat childish. Don’t get me wrong: not in the writing, but the plot stroke me a bit slushy. I would've preferred the stallion drowning at the end. With your current ending, it sounds like a new generation Walt Disney’s cartoon.
I still can't figure out how Sea ponies and Earth ponies do speak the same language.
High on my slate, so don't fret about your ranking. Welcome to the finals.
I still can't figure out how Sea ponies and Earth ponies do speak the same language.
High on my slate, so don't fret about your ranking. Welcome to the finals.
This has a whimsical fairy tale quality to it, in a nice way. A love story I was afraid would end tragically, so it was nice it seems to end happy. Bittersweet, but mostly sweet.
E - The Lighthouse and the Sea - A+ - We have another finalist here. Good from the hook to the tail. (sorry) Only possible ding is Turquoise.
My God, this is an honest-to-goodness complete story arc with a strong enough romantic hook to bring me close to tears.
There's nothing I can add to this but praise. Unlike the overwhelming majority of shortfics, I don't think this misses anything by being exactly as long as it is. Maybe the ending could use some better explanation, but I'm willing to go with it as-is.
I'm also about 99% sure I know who wrote this, given some structural and thematic similarities to a very memorable past Writeoff entry. To which I can say it's impressive that the author can just bust out quick little slices of brilliance like this at-will; and if this story ends up medaling (as it should), at least the rest of us can take solace from the fact that we've been beaten by the best.
Tier: Top of my top contender list, and unlikely to get dislodged
There's nothing I can add to this but praise. Unlike the overwhelming majority of shortfics, I don't think this misses anything by being exactly as long as it is. Maybe the ending could use some better explanation, but I'm willing to go with it as-is.
I'm also about 99% sure I know who wrote this, given some structural and thematic similarities to a very memorable past Writeoff entry. To which I can say it's impressive that the author can just bust out quick little slices of brilliance like this at-will; and if this story ends up medaling (as it should), at least the rest of us can take solace from the fact that we've been beaten by the best.
Tier: Top of my top contender list, and unlikely to get dislodged
Ranked at #2 on my slate.
I do love how well the story is told in the extremely limited word count. Just a beautiful use of the language. It's a simple story, but a satisfying one. It's quite odd to see a different reader wishing that Beacon drowned; a story is not more meaningful or profound for ending in tragedy. This one works for me; it's just ambiguous enough to give a sense of unsettling exoticism, but optimistic enough to leave the reader without feeling like they've been punched in the gut.
Great material.
This is... pretty good? It has a charming quality I can't put my finger on, honestly. I liked it a lot on my first read, but on the second, I'm kind of noticing a lot of... not quite strengths? The entire section on the Badlands doesn't seem to contribute to the story. The old lighthouse keeper's warning doesn't mean anything, because there's no reason to think the seaponies are a threat. There doesn't seem to be a concrete point or theme the tale. Our two shipped characters get barely any description and any action they take is told from a very distant perspective.
...I think fixing any of those would make this a much weaker piece? Clearly you're doing something right. Please share your secret with the rest of the class.
...I think fixing any of those would make this a much weaker piece? Clearly you're doing something right. Please share your secret with the rest of the class.
>>Exuno
It has a vagueness-bordering-on-pointlessness to it that is endearing, yes. It's less the kind of story written down in a novel, and more the kind of story that is told from memory by an elderly uncle, with details that were once important but have atrophied in retellings. That is the charm, and I like this one for doing it well enough to hook me.
It has a vagueness-bordering-on-pointlessness to it that is endearing, yes. It's less the kind of story written down in a novel, and more the kind of story that is told from memory by an elderly uncle, with details that were once important but have atrophied in retellings. That is the charm, and I like this one for doing it well enough to hook me.
Out of all the stories in this contest, I feel like this one was the most able to tell a long tale in just a few words, showing Beacon's rise and eventual descent during his post. It uses every word it can and squeezes as much emotion as it can out of them. I also liked the very dreamlike quality the story had; everything is seen, but is also very vague. We know what's happening, but we can only dimly visualize it, like how many of us remember our dreams.
Finally, I enjoyed how the ending can be interpreted both happily and sadly. Sadly because, if you know about the legends of mermaids, he probably leaped to his death through her gentle coaxing. Happy because you feel like he's going to assuage his loneliness once and for all. This is difficult for most stories to pull off, but this one does it in flying colors.
Marvelous, just marvelous.
Finally, I enjoyed how the ending can be interpreted both happily and sadly. Sadly because, if you know about the legends of mermaids, he probably leaped to his death through her gentle coaxing. Happy because you feel like he's going to assuage his loneliness once and for all. This is difficult for most stories to pull off, but this one does it in flying colors.
Marvelous, just marvelous.
I wasn't the biggest fan of this, although I see why others like it. Nothing pulled me in. All I really wanted was to hear more about our main character's personality, and how the lighthouse worked. Didn't have much interest in the swapo noes.
It did make me realize, however, that I want to read an OF fic about a lighthouse keeper.
It did make me realize, however, that I want to read an OF fic about a lighthouse keeper.
The Lighthouse and The Sea
Retrospective / Response
Wow! First Place! I really didn't see that coming! O.o
I was rather hoping to medal this time, given the generally positive reviews… But I figured I'd maybe get a bronze, or (more likely) fourth of fifth place! Well, I guess that ends my slow crawl up the scoreboard as the highest ranked writer without a medal! :)
Also of note, I apparently get my best results with stories that have little to no actual dialogue… I'm not sure what to make of that… O.o
Anyway, when this prompt came up I quickly decided that I wanted to write a genre I generally don't do. Romance! Because love is something where just about everyone finds themselves in over their head! Now, I had recently (re)read Georg's “The One That Got Away” (which I highly recommend) so when I thought 'Romance' I quickly followed it up with 'Sea Ponies.'
So I decided that a lonely soul would fall in love with a sea pony and live happily ever after. And what job is more lonely than running a lighthouse? But the Lighthouse would have to be really off the beaten path, or you could just have a pegasi work there and fly home every day. So I needed an excuse to have it be really isolated… Thus it being on the coast of the Badlands, a place filled with monsters, chaos, and nasty weather.
The opening hook of “Watch out for the sea ponies” came soon after. Originally I was going to have Beacon Heart 'Watch Out' for the sea ponies by rescuing them from a monster.. And falling in love with one of them. But 750 words just wasn't enough for the setup, a monster fight, and a 'happily ever after.' I'd have been lucky to manage two of those!
So I went with a straight love story, told in a very abbreviated fashion. Which apparently turned out quite well!
I'm a bit surprised that people found the ending ambiguous though… I mean, sure, in human mythos Mermaids often drag their would be paramours to a watery grave. But this is Equestria, and thus leans heavily towards happier endings. :)
>>FanOfMostEverything
I hadn't really meant for it to be ambiguous at all, truth be told. Beacon Heart makes his leap of faith, an Earth Pony jumps.. And a sea pony hits the water, where he can be with his true love. I thought of making mention of some seapony magic that would let him join her… But I a) didn't have the words and b) thought it would work better without excessive explanation… It's just 'magic.'
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
>>Trick_Question
Hmmmm.. I've never heard of that book, let alone read it… I just figured that Mermare and Sea Pony would more or less be equivalent terms for the same creature.
>>Everyday
Thanks! I really had to cut things a lot to make the whole story fit, so it's nice to see that I picked the right words to leave behind when I was trimming it down.
>>The_Letter_J
Yeah, it is a bit lacking in details.. But that's really the only way I could tell an entire story in a minific as opposed to a single scene.. And why does everyone expect my love story to end in murder? O.o
I thought that "Watch out for the sea ponies" made an excellent hook... And in the end it was going to be revealed that it was meant not as a warning: 'Beware the sea ponies.' But as a call to protect them: 'Take care of the sea ponies.' The storyline kinda shifted away from that, but I think I'll clarify that point a bit when I lengthen it for FimFiction.
>>Monokeras
You know, I think I'll take this little story being compared to Disney movies as a major compliment. :) It was really meant to be a simple little love story after all.
>>Morning Sun
Thanks, that was pretty much exactly what I was aiming for. :)
>>georg
But... But... But.. What's wrong with Turquoise?? Damn it, I knew I should have gone for emerald green! :)
>>CoffeeMinion
Thanks for the vote of confidence! But I gotta ask... Who did you think actually wrote it? Because I seriously doubt you thought it was me! I am perennially surprised that I never manage to win an 'avoided detection' award. Surely my writing style isn't that recognizable? And a love story is a bit outside of my usual genre... Or at least I think so.
It's my over use of italics that gives me away, isn't it? Curse my reliance on them for emphasis! Curse it! ;>
>>Rolo
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
I'm just still puzzled why everyone seemed to expect it to be a tragedy. I'd say that my writing style clearly needs work... But it seems to have worked, so... If it ain't broke, don't fix it? O.o
>>Exuno
I was actually a little worried that the section describing the existence of the lighthouse didn't quite fit the rest of the piece. I left it in for two reasons: a) I needed to give some sort of explanation as to why this particular lighthouse was so isolated and b) I was just really pleased with the explanation I came up with, and the prose I used to describe it. I know it's generally a bad idea to become so attached to a bit of your own writing that you can't cut it for the good of the story... But I had a reason to keep it... And I was so happy with how that bit turned out. ;)
Honestly, I wish I knew what I had done right... Then I'd keep doing it! The lesson I'm taking away from this is... Never write any actual dialogue. Yep, that's definitely the key to a highly ranked story!
My next story? It's going to be nothing but descriptions of interpretive dance! ;>
>>Rolo
Thanks! I.. think. I'll just take the whole 'vague-bordering-on-pointlessness' thing as a compliment then....? Heh. But really, I suppose I was sort of subconsciously aiming for that type of narrative... Sort of an old sea story. An archetypical tale told over the ages, changing a little each time, but with the core of it remaining true...
>>libertydude
Everybody thinks poor Beacon Heart is gonna die! It's a love story! He turned into a sea pony! He and Sea Foam are gonna get married in a lovely underwater ceremony and have lots of sea pony foals! He'll take them camping and as he'll tell them stories of the Dry Lands as they make smores out of kelp and algae, melted over a hot magma vent! They'll grow old together and spoil their grandchildren rotten and one day they'll swim off into the deep ocean together and never be seen again, because nobody dies on screen in a love story, not even of old age!
...
Okay, so maybe the original ending just had him jumping into the water, and was intentionally vague as to whether he lived happily ever after or drowned... But I changed it to mention hooves and a tail hitting the water to make it clear it was a happy endings! Though perhaps a single sentence isn't quite strong enough to differentiate between a romance and a tradgedy... ;>
Glad you liked it!
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
Yeah, I have to admit, the characters in this story were... I won't say weak... More like they're just general outlines. I didn't have enough words to really describe them after all, so the reader has to use their imagination. I think that under most circumstances focusing so much on the setting and so little on the characters would be a detriment... But somehow, and I'm, not quite sure why or how, it seems to have really come together in this one.
Of course, it probably says something about my skills as a writer when I wrote it, and I'm not quite sure why it worked so well. ;>
Anyway, thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, and voted for this. I'm really very surprised and pleased to have gotten the gold on this one! Thanks Everyone! :)
>>TheCyanRecluse
It confused me at first because I thought you meant them to be two separate races—there's no easy way in the story as written to disambiguate that you're using two names for the same critter.
Traditionally seaponies are like seahorses (from way back in G1), whereas the sirens were merpony-like.
And enjoy your medal, first of many. :raritywink:
EDIT: You shouldn't be surprised! It's a really great story! :pinkiehappy:
It confused me at first because I thought you meant them to be two separate races—there's no easy way in the story as written to disambiguate that you're using two names for the same critter.
Traditionally seaponies are like seahorses (from way back in G1), whereas the sirens were merpony-like.
And enjoy your medal, first of many. :raritywink:
EDIT: You shouldn't be surprised! It's a really great story! :pinkiehappy:
Congrats on first place!
>>TheCyanRecluse
Heh. In a way. In its lack of detail the story flirts with being as bland and generic as "An earth pony falls in love with a seapony. So he becomes a seapony, and they live happily together in the sea." And yet it manages to be engaging and emotionally resonates and it's hard to tell where or even if it ever crosses over into having developed characters and setting in the typical sense.
It does, yet somehow hides that it does?
I dunno. I can't word good, apparently in both my entry and in my comments.
Please just take away that I really liked this one, and I think of it as having an atypical spartan style that is to your credit.
>>TheCyanRecluse
I'll just take the whole 'vague-bordering-on-pointlessness' thing as a compliment then....?
Heh. In a way. In its lack of detail the story flirts with being as bland and generic as "An earth pony falls in love with a seapony. So he becomes a seapony, and they live happily together in the sea." And yet it manages to be engaging and emotionally resonates and it's hard to tell where or even if it ever crosses over into having developed characters and setting in the typical sense.
It does, yet somehow hides that it does?
I dunno. I can't word good, apparently in both my entry and in my comments.
Please just take away that I really liked this one, and I think of it as having an atypical spartan style that is to your credit.
>>TheCyanRecluse
You should. You know I dote on dark stories, that's why a dark ending would've suited me most. I apologise if my comment came across as unseemly. I seriously consider stopping reviewing anyway, given that I'm as clumsy for reviews than I am for stories.
Congrats! well done!
You know, I think I'll take this little story being compared to Disney movies as a major compliment. :)
You should. You know I dote on dark stories, that's why a dark ending would've suited me most. I apologise if my comment came across as unseemly. I seriously consider stopping reviewing anyway, given that I'm as clumsy for reviews than I am for stories.
Congrats! well done!
>>TheCyanRecluse
Nothing's wrong with turquoise. Except you spelled it turqouse
Like I said, that's the only thing that knocked me out of my warm fuzzy on this story. (Yeah, I'm a sucker for seaponies)
Nothing's wrong with turquoise. Except you spelled it turqouse
Like I said, that's the only thing that knocked me out of my warm fuzzy on this story. (Yeah, I'm a sucker for seaponies)
>>TheCyanRecluse Well, I feel bad admitting it now, but I was dead certain that horizon wrote this. Which, given his Writeoff track record, I hope you will take as more of a compliment than not.
With that said, I don't want to take away from your victory by drawing the comparison. Congratulations!
With that said, I don't want to take away from your victory by drawing the comparison. Congratulations!