Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

The Morning After · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
Filthy Rich President Elect
"What?!" Luna crumpled the newspaper in disgust. She and her sister quickly took flight for Canterlot.




"Explain this!" Luna demanded of Twilight Sparkle, whom the sisters had left in charge so they could take a year or two of sabbatical.

"I... I..." Twilight stammered. "I just don't know what went wrong!"

"Start at the beginning," Celestia suggested.

Taking a deep breath, Twilight began the tale.




So, I was reading on Prance and this thing called "democracy." It seemed more fair than monarchy, and fair is always better, right? So, I decreed ponies could vote for who they wanted in government positions. Somepony asked, "Even your position?" Well... it seemed only fair, and I thought it'd be easy for me to win.

Pinkie decided to throw a "democracy party" where I could hear ideas and concerns. Filthy Rich heard about this, and decided he'd throw his own. A "Grand Old Party," he said.

At the democratic party, we talked about how to help other ponies. But Dash and others worried about their taxes going to freeloaders, and said we had to be fair about it.

Fluttershy wanted to go further though. She thought we should help the ponies that need the most help, even if it's not completely fair to richer ponies that might pay a bit more. A lot of ponies agreed with her, but our friends took her aside and told her she was confusing ponies and they all needed to back me for now.

Over at the GOP, Filthy was saying a lot of lies about me. He said I was a corrupt "palace insider" and that I'd even been using my own private dragon for official correspondence. He tried to say I was "crooked" because some of the bits I used to rebuild my "personal" library after Tirek came from donations. But the library is a charity!

Then somehow, AJ and some others got word of other stuff Filthy was saying. He was promising more jobs for the working pony. They liked that idea. Then, when they heard we'd made Fluttershy to step aside, they got mad at our whole party and left for good.

Before I knew it, everypony in both parties seemed mad at the other. It was ugly, but when we voted, I still thought I would win. But I guess not...




"So," Celestia said. "More ponies voted for Filthy Rich than you?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I had over a million more votes. But early on, some ponies were worried their issues wouldn't be heard because they lived in rural places. So I said we'd split things up by region to balance that out." Twilight pushed a document across the desk titled "The Electoral College."

Luna skimmed it for a few minutes. "This is the most ridiculous process I've ever seen."

Twilight smashed her face into her hooves. "I know!!" she whined. "I just didn't think it would matter. I mean, how could any pony even consider voting for Filthy Rich? He said donkeys—he called them "jackasses" actually; can you imagine? He said they were murders and rapists and they'd all be deported. He said he wanted to put all changelings in a national registry, just because a few radicals attacked us in the past. Worse, at a party where he was literally promising to end wealth-based privilege, he..." Twilight's voice cracked in a combination of anger and sadness. "He bragged about how being so wealthy let him do horrible things to mares without their consent!" Twilight sighed. "But I guess lies trump everything."

After a moment of silence, Celestia spoke. "Every few hundred years some well-meaning pony seems determined to experiment with democracy. We usually manage to quash it before the infection spreads, but it's always sad to see ponies tricked into hurting their own best interests. At least we caught it early this time, before any other votes happened."

Twilight hung her head in shame.

"Explain." Luna demanded.

"Well, I might have talked Cadance into letting a few disgruntled subjects call a vote. They were upset about non-crystal ponies—"darkies"—moving into their empire. But it turned out it was more than just "a few" and the Crystal Empire voted to leave the Equestrian Union."

"Any good news?"

"Umm... San Franciscolt legalized recreational salt-licks?"

"Well then... I know where I shall be waiting out the next four years! Sister?"

"Right behind you!" Celestia said, preparing for take off.

"Wait!" Twilight called. "Any last advice?"

"Next time, let Fluttershy run."
« Prev   26   Next »
#1 · 2
·
Man I sure do love subtle, non-anvilicious satire.
#2 · 2
·
I'm... not sure how to feel about this. I'm a curious cross between annoyed and amused. Annused?
#3 · 7
·
Forewarning: Sorry if I tore into it a bit... heh. I'm not always the most tactful and I extend an apology to the author if they take personal offense.


I'm going to abstaiin from this one.

I've seen this done multiple times, and this is probably the worst one I've seen. The author is obviously a liberal and complaining about the election results; that's made abundantly clear. If they're not, then they put themselves in the shoes of one to write this fic. Because it's very one-sided, which most of these fics tend to be, and it suffers because we can't laugh at both sides--or in this case, at all, but I'll get to that.

The writing is mediocre. It's not bad, let me say that first and well... not that it's really my place to judge writing quality and not that there was anything wrong with the writing but there wasn't anything right about it either. It's all telling, and for me it's telling the same story I've read thirty times which is partially why I abstained from voting on this one, because I've already read the concept many times, and I partially blame that for my distaste towards the story. Like when someone tells the same joke over and over again it gets annoying.

I don't want to spend all day writing this, so here's the biggest reason why this fic failed: it's not funny, at all. Being a huge fan of sattire it's my favorite thing in the world when it's done right. However, I don't find the humor in taking something from real life, something everyone has heard hundreds of times, and frankly most people are wanting not to hear about for a while, and slinging together a couple of lines everyone knows and calling it "writing." It's not. You copy + pasted the election summary and changed the names. It's not orginal. and It's not funny.

There's nothing special about this fic. Most of these kind of fics go out of their way to add some sort of twist that makes them unique. Some work, some don't. "The Town Hall Debate," by Flutterpriest, worked, I think. "Donald Trump Grabs Celestia's Pussy," not so much, but it tried in the description. Some other fic where Jeb beat Hillary Clinton using the darkside of the force, can't recall the name, was probably my favorite. Because it was [i]witty[i] and it was unique. This, however, felt like a bunch of references slapped into 700 words going "Look at me, look at me, we all get it! It's funny!"

I don't understand what the author was trying to accomplish here besides controversy or rustling someone's feathers, or jimmies, whichever you prefer (:p) . This is entire fic is a summary of the election from a Liberal point of view. And God, how many times have I, no, everyone heard that? It's not funny, and it's not easing anyone's mind; it's reminding them, if anything, of the results, half of America doesn't want to hear. So, if you're going to write politics, either make it try and make it funny or try for something better; it's obvious whoever wrote this is a better writer than... well, this. Just, pick your story wisely, next time. I bet you're an able writer but I don't think the best writer in the world could make the worst ideas work.

Best of luck, and have a happy turkey day!
#4 · 3
·
This isn't on my slate, but it seems worth jumping in here because I basically wrote the prequel to this back in March. What I learned from that experience was that *just* drawing parallels between RL and Our Little Ponies doesn't make people laugh, especially with something that has this many big feelings wrapped up in it. I think that's just a learning experience, though; I certainly can't fault the author for trying it, having done the same thing myself.

Besides, to really do the job here, you need to represent some disgruntled Never-Rich folks who backed more of a traditional-values candidate like... let's say, Mr. Cake. :-p

Also-also, don't forget that while EqG-Rich is kind of a D, prime-verse-Rich is a super nice guy who doesn't fit this role at all.
#5 · 1
· · >>Trick_Question >>Trick_Question
I mean, I could say 'Blah blah Writeoffs arent the place for politics' but honestly? Nope. Gonna say I like this, because it's at least mildly cathartic for me, as is near anything calling the existing election process bollocks, which it is.

#PrincessesForPresident and #UpWithTheTetrarchy, thank you very much
#6 · 2
· · >>Astrarian
Reciting the national election verbatim in pony format is not good grounds for an interesting or humorous story. The complete blatancy of the parallel can elicit some humor simply by being so transparent, but for the most part, it feels like a droll, preachy, and condescending repeat of a story I already know. Reading this story makes me feel like the author had a low opinion of the reader's, and by extension, my own, intelligence.

What I would like is for the writer to bring something new to the table, either by ramping up the blatancy to the point where the text becomes self-aware of itself as a political polemic and the humor is in the meta-commentary, or by adding some sort of humorous twist or ridiculousness to the situation. The story nearly had this element by including a anti-democracy Celestia, but that element is played more straight and practical than humorous.

I would have loved a hysterically anti-democratic Celestia condescendingly lecture Twilight on how the average pony is not smart enough to make these sorts of decisions and that the country would be best left to the well-educated elite that knew what they were doing. Cue entrance from Prince Blueblood.

The story needs a bit more going for it than simply:
Filthy Rich = Trump
Twilight = Hillary Clinton
Fluttershy = Bernie Sanders
Crystal Empire = Britain

As it stands, it's just insultingly boring.
#7 ·
·
I can't help you here, Author, because I was sick of hearing about the election five weeks before we knew the results.

Abstained.
#8 · 5
·
Nope.

Nope nope nope a thousand times nope.

I write to get away from this bull honkery. Quit seven paragraphs in, abstained with extreme prejudice.
#9 · 1
·
I chuckled at the private dragon joke.
#10 · 1
· · >>Trick_Question
Trololol

I mean, I haven't read anything from the flood of other election/pony stories that other commentators say exists. And sometimes transparent parallels are good for a giggle and there's nothing more to it. But that's the issue in the end: there's nothing more to this. And it needed more to elevate it beyond the realm of "quick laugh, immediately forgotten". (And I would not have read this if I saw it anywhere except in the writeoff.)

More time on Celestia and Luna and their anti-democracy stance played for more comedy, as >>Cassius suggests, would have been fun.
#11 ·
·
When I saw the prompt, one of the first things that occurred to me was an election joke. I'm glad I didn't, because you did it better than I ever could have.

Yeah, it's just a joke retelling of the admittedly absurd to begin with election, but there's nothing wrong with that. It was funny. And I don't agree that it was even really politically charged; I mean, if there's a message in the story, it's that "Democracy doesn't work" and I don't think that's really something people are going to seriously take from it.
#12 · 1
·
I was hoping I would somehow never get to this one. :ajbemused:

But, I laughed, buck it all to Tartarus. I'm almost certain I know who you are, author, because very few would be willing to troll on this topic, let alone do it so well. I'm sure you realize you can't possibly medal with a story like this, but you did a good job, for what it's worth given the topic.

"I... I..." Twilight stammered. "I just don't know what went wrong!"


I'd even been using my own private dragon for official correspondence.


Both of these gave me giggles. What the buck is wrong with me? :facehoof:

I'm going to bypass the trolling and say you need plenty more horse words to justify AJ choosing Rich. AJ already has a job, and she holds the E of H, so you need to convince me that he found a better way to buffalo her—being a cowpony is not sufficient; you haven't succeeded yet.

I'd be clearer that Shy's voters just didn't vote or did protest votes, rather than leaving open the impression that they'd flip to Rich (which is a little too open for interpretation now). That allegory doesn't match reality and it doesn't fit in the story either.

The rest fits pretty well as long as you're on the liberal side. You ain't gettin' a lot of high scores from Trump supporters.

The ending is great.

Whew, I feel dirty now. I need to go get some salt.
#13 · 1
· · >>Morning Sun
>>Morning Sun
Pentarchy, dear. Don't forget Baby SellsALot McToyFace.
#14 ·
·
>>Trick_Question
She holds no power at this point in her life! Also those wings are fake.
#15 · 2
·
Yeaaaaahhhh... No.

There were a few amusing lines here and there, but in order to be funny satire has to be, well, satirical. Taking a list of Democratic talking points and changing the names to ponies isn't particularly satirical or funny. If you'd swapped it for a set of Republican talking points... It still wouldn't have been particularly funny or satirical. You'd still just have a small group of people who loved it... And a vast majority that rolls their eyes and groans.

Which pretty much sums up people's reaction to the election itself, come to think of it...
#16 · 1
· · >>CoffeeMinion
Filthy Rich President Elect — Null — Abstaining on this one too. Political satire can be easily made funny, no matter what side you take, if any. This isn’t.
#17 · 2
·
>>georg
I would argue that there's no "easily" about political satire, unless you have the knack for it. It's the same problem as people face when writing comedy, but with half or more of the audience already not in your corner.
#18 · 2
· · >>ChappedPenguinLips
And... someone's getting a wooden spoon methinks! Is there an award for most abstentions? :-/

The author had to know this story would be polarizing. Politics is a minefield at the best of times. So, giving benefit of the doubt, that it's not just a trollfic, I'll say this:

First off, I lean liberal, so this is much easier to stomach than if I was on the other side. I was rather upset by the election, so I can appreciate the need for some kind of "catharsis" in story form.

Secondly, despite what several others said, I think this is satire. Which, and I think this is important to note, does not have to be funny. Some of the best satire isn't funny at all. Swift's "A Modest Proposal" being the prime example of that sort of sad and tragic satire that makes one more likely to cry than laugh. This, I think, tries to do something similar, the big problem is it can't decide if it wants to be funny or not. There're a few "gags" (private dragon, the bit with the legalized salt-licks, etc.) but the overall tone isn't actually funny. Twilight actually seems shocked and upset just a few lines prior. Then there's the whole bit with the Sisters treating democracy as a joke. That could be funny in its own right, but it's just a throwaway line here.

Bottom line, I hope this was cathartic for the author, but as a story, it's just too on the nose to be considered clever, even if you agree politically, too offensive if you don't, and not funny enough to be enjoyed for the humor in either case.
#19 · 2
· · >>Trick_Question
>>Xepher

I don't deny that it's satire. But hardly so. If it's satire then, in my opinion, no offense to the author, it's satire done very poorly. satire doesn't need to be humorous. Bojack Horseman is really beautiful at being satirical without being intentionally funny. But as I mentioned in my initial point and many others have: slapping a bunch of references together or "conversationals" together and calling it a story isn't very satirical, or well, it's definitely not good satire. I, and others, found it to... well... just bad. That's what this fic did. It tried something and it failed. It's not a unanimous opinion but it's a majority.

And I understand Catharsis, but I don't really understand... throwing said "catharsis" to the world when it's the opposite. I think it was Not A Hat who said he wanted to stop hearing about the results five weeks before it came out. All I'll really say to that... is: ir may be "catharsis" to the author but some people really are done with it, and it's reopening wounds that are trying to close. So, choose what you submit wisely.
#20 ·
· · >>ChappedPenguinLips
>>ChappedPenguinLips
It's "satire".

No, wait. Now I think you were being satirical... :rainbowhuh:
#21 · 4
· · >>Trick_Question >>FanOfMostEverything >>Trick_Question
Okay, good, it didn't advance. To everyone, I am very sorry if this story angered you or you thought it was awful. I totally respect that opinon. But this idea hit me when the prompt was finalized, and I had to write it. I'm still a bit bitter about the election, and it WAS cathartic to write this. Trump is, to me, a cartoon villain, and by casting this whole mess in a cartoon setting, I hoped it'd make it less painful. It... kinda worked. Not really, but kinda.

Anyway, sorry if anyone felt I wasted their time or anything. This wasn't meant to be a trollfic, it WAS meant to be satire, in that it's a sad/tragic outcome bordering on the absurd. But yeah, it's not a fun story to read, and didn't deserve to get even the notice it did here.
#22 ·
·
>>Xepher
I laughed (primarily at Spike the email dragon), and sent a link to your story to my dad.
#23 ·
· · >>Trick_Question >>Trick_Question
>>Xepher
I appreciate the attempt at catharsis through pony fiction. I just didn't want to think about the election any more.
#24 · 1
·
>>FanOfMostEverything
hay, did you hear Trump got elected pres—

—ow
#25 · 1
·
>>Trick_Question

Nope. :p Just my phone's terrible auto-correcting.
#26 · 2
·
Highly relevant at least to >>FanOfMostEverything >>Xepher >>Astrarian >>Morning Sun , and probably others.

I have a feeling pretty much everyone in the Writeoff can, no matter your political point of view, at least share in this feeling regarding the recent American election:

EDIT: (go on, trust me and click it—it has nothing to do with the election itself)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_nPp64OrBc