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Trial by Fire
"Are you ready for your trial, acolyte?" The elder stallion asked with ritualistic solemnity.
"I am, Brother Inkwell." The cowled acolyte replied, his voice barely quivering as he responded.
This was his First Trial. The first of many, if he choose to continue down this path, for none passed on their first attempt. But the First was the most important, for it separated out those who misunderstood their cutie marks from those for whom The Work was destiny.
"Know you the Place and the Name of all things, Acolyte?"
"No Brother, for not even the First knows all, and I am merely equine. But I have studied, Brother, and I am willing to learn." The words were practiced; rote memorization and repetition. But they held an underlying Truth that could not be denied.
"Have you the proscribed implements, Acolyte?"
"I have them, Brother, for I have followed the Checklist. My quills are sharp, my ink fresh, and my paper blank." The weight of the saddlebags on his back, and his surety as to what they held, brought a calmness to his soul. A completed checklist was truly a beautiful thing.
"Then the time of your Trial is upon us. None may know when a Trial will come, so All must be ready to face it. Know that you do not face this Trial alone. The Brothers and Sisters of The Order stand ready to replace you when you fall." Brother Inkwell's stern visage reinforced the power of his words. "And you WILL fall. For none but the First can endure the tempest alone. But we all must try, for only by striving for the impossible will we learn what we are truly capable of."
"I understand Brother, and stand ready to earn my place in the Order." The weight of the moment pressed down upon him, making his knees wobble. And reciting the contents of the Assistant's Checklist could only calm his racing heart so much.
"Very well then Acolyte. Stand beside me and prepare to face your Trial."
The thick crystalline door thrummed with power, a faint glow leaking around the edges. He swallowed nervously as he stood before them, his hooves rooted in place.
The unexpected sensation of a hoof on his shoulder had him turning in surprise.
"Don't worry lad. This one is barely a level two. You'll make it through ok." Brother Inkwell whispered, giving him a small smile.
That was NOT part of the ceremony. But despite the deviation from the script, the Brother's action warmed his heart and strengthened his resolve.
With a firm nod he stepped forward, pushed the door open...
And found himself drawn into a maelstrom.
"Where is Starswirls Treatsie on Harmonic Interferences in Chaotic Matricies?? I need to cross-reference it with Des-Cart-Ease Complete Works!"
In a flash of purple magic, the cowled figure was drawn inside, and the doors to the library slammed shut.
"Purple. The purple glow... Purple everywhere!" The fevered mutterings of Acolyte Bookkeeper were clearly audible despite the dozen hoofsteps and half a dozen Brothers and Sisters between them.
Brother Inkwell shook his head sadly. The Trials could be harsh. But they were necessary to sift the wheat from the chaff. Only those truly suited to the work would become Brothers and Sisters in the Order of Royal Library Assistants.
"The books! So many books!" The fevered ranting quieted as the Acolyte was tended to. "Harmony Throughout History, I can't remember where it's shelved.....!" he cried, his anguished mutterings finally trailing off.
A looming shadow and the creak of leathery wings heralded the arrival of the Order's founder and patron.
"Is he going to be okay?" The voice was deep, strong, and caring as Brother Inkwell turned to face its source.
"The first encounter with the Princess in the throes of a Research Meltdown is always hardest." He said solemnly.
Spike just rolled his eyes and snorted.
"She's not THAT bad, Ink. Heck, I managed to handle her even before my wings grew in!"
"As you say Grandmaster. But we are merely mortal equines." He replied, smiling gently.
"You're way too melodramatic is what you are." He grumbled, mumbling to himself. "I never should have let Rarity talk me into founding you guys..."
His muttering was interrupted by distant voice:
"Spike! Where is Solemn Works Treatsie on..."
"Third bookcase from the right Twilight! Second shelf, third book from the left!" He interrupted without pause.
Rockwell smiled. It was always an honor, watching the grandmaster work.
"I am, Brother Inkwell." The cowled acolyte replied, his voice barely quivering as he responded.
This was his First Trial. The first of many, if he choose to continue down this path, for none passed on their first attempt. But the First was the most important, for it separated out those who misunderstood their cutie marks from those for whom The Work was destiny.
"Know you the Place and the Name of all things, Acolyte?"
"No Brother, for not even the First knows all, and I am merely equine. But I have studied, Brother, and I am willing to learn." The words were practiced; rote memorization and repetition. But they held an underlying Truth that could not be denied.
"Have you the proscribed implements, Acolyte?"
"I have them, Brother, for I have followed the Checklist. My quills are sharp, my ink fresh, and my paper blank." The weight of the saddlebags on his back, and his surety as to what they held, brought a calmness to his soul. A completed checklist was truly a beautiful thing.
"Then the time of your Trial is upon us. None may know when a Trial will come, so All must be ready to face it. Know that you do not face this Trial alone. The Brothers and Sisters of The Order stand ready to replace you when you fall." Brother Inkwell's stern visage reinforced the power of his words. "And you WILL fall. For none but the First can endure the tempest alone. But we all must try, for only by striving for the impossible will we learn what we are truly capable of."
"I understand Brother, and stand ready to earn my place in the Order." The weight of the moment pressed down upon him, making his knees wobble. And reciting the contents of the Assistant's Checklist could only calm his racing heart so much.
"Very well then Acolyte. Stand beside me and prepare to face your Trial."
The thick crystalline door thrummed with power, a faint glow leaking around the edges. He swallowed nervously as he stood before them, his hooves rooted in place.
The unexpected sensation of a hoof on his shoulder had him turning in surprise.
"Don't worry lad. This one is barely a level two. You'll make it through ok." Brother Inkwell whispered, giving him a small smile.
That was NOT part of the ceremony. But despite the deviation from the script, the Brother's action warmed his heart and strengthened his resolve.
With a firm nod he stepped forward, pushed the door open...
And found himself drawn into a maelstrom.
"Where is Starswirls Treatsie on Harmonic Interferences in Chaotic Matricies?? I need to cross-reference it with Des-Cart-Ease Complete Works!"
In a flash of purple magic, the cowled figure was drawn inside, and the doors to the library slammed shut.
"Purple. The purple glow... Purple everywhere!" The fevered mutterings of Acolyte Bookkeeper were clearly audible despite the dozen hoofsteps and half a dozen Brothers and Sisters between them.
Brother Inkwell shook his head sadly. The Trials could be harsh. But they were necessary to sift the wheat from the chaff. Only those truly suited to the work would become Brothers and Sisters in the Order of Royal Library Assistants.
"The books! So many books!" The fevered ranting quieted as the Acolyte was tended to. "Harmony Throughout History, I can't remember where it's shelved.....!" he cried, his anguished mutterings finally trailing off.
A looming shadow and the creak of leathery wings heralded the arrival of the Order's founder and patron.
"Is he going to be okay?" The voice was deep, strong, and caring as Brother Inkwell turned to face its source.
"The first encounter with the Princess in the throes of a Research Meltdown is always hardest." He said solemnly.
Spike just rolled his eyes and snorted.
"She's not THAT bad, Ink. Heck, I managed to handle her even before my wings grew in!"
"As you say Grandmaster. But we are merely mortal equines." He replied, smiling gently.
"You're way too melodramatic is what you are." He grumbled, mumbling to himself. "I never should have let Rarity talk me into founding you guys..."
His muttering was interrupted by distant voice:
"Spike! Where is Solemn Works Treatsie on..."
"Third bookcase from the right Twilight! Second shelf, third book from the left!" He interrupted without pause.
Rockwell smiled. It was always an honor, watching the grandmaster work.
The elder stallion
the Elder stallion, isn't it? is he Brother Inkwell?
An acolyte is suggesting a religious order of some kind.
the Elder stallion, isn't it? is he Brother Inkwell?
An acolyte is suggesting a religious order of some kind.
That was a great little tale, the twist as to what they were actually making such a fuss over... This was hilarious, on both a first and second reading. Awesome job! :D
I'll be with the others, that was hilarious and Spike's sarcasm was gold.
This story definitely goes to the top tier. I might be wrong but I have a pretty good idea who wrote this one.
This story definitely goes to the top tier. I might be wrong but I have a pretty good idea who wrote this one.
"prescribed implements", you probably mean.
Other than that… huh! I'm still a little dubious about stories using Twilight Sparkle as the prompt connection, but this was really neat.
Other than that… huh! I'm still a little dubious about stories using Twilight Sparkle as the prompt connection, but this was really neat.
Heh, this is a nice bit of ridiculousness. I think it works as well as it does because it contrasts Spike (who's normally seen as fairly useless in the show) against ponies who are obviously trying very hard to match up to him, and the dissonance is delicious.
I think the opening was a bit long. Condensing some of what's going on there might give you a bit more room to expand on the acolyte's reactions, which might amplify the comedic effect? Also, there's kinda two reveals here - that they're working for Twilight, and that they look up to Spike. I think if they were closer together, it would make things hit a bit harder. As-is, they're sorta at opposite ends of the story, but once one is revealed, it saps some of the impact from the other.
I think the opening was a bit long. Condensing some of what's going on there might give you a bit more room to expand on the acolyte's reactions, which might amplify the comedic effect? Also, there's kinda two reveals here - that they're working for Twilight, and that they look up to Spike. I think if they were closer together, it would make things hit a bit harder. As-is, they're sorta at opposite ends of the story, but once one is revealed, it saps some of the impact from the other.
Okay, this? This I liked. A lot. Ritual seems to form around princesses like dust on the back shelves. It’s fascinating and quite fun to see how that takes place for Twilight.
And let’s face it, Spike does have an unfair advantage. Any dragon worth his salt knows the exact position of every item in his hoard.
And let’s face it, Spike does have an unfair advantage. Any dragon worth his salt knows the exact position of every item in his hoard.
This totally makes sense as a 'Here is Twilight, X years removed, with her own absurdly logical monastic order sprung up around her'.
So as others say, yes, this was quite golden and ridiculously fun.
So as others say, yes, this was quite golden and ridiculously fun.
>>FanOfMostEverything "Ritual seems to form around princesses like dust on the back shelves" love that comment, and love the story. Definitely my favorite so far.
Thanks :)
Thanks :)
I think this may be the most canon-friendly story in the contest. By that, I mean, this works as a show episode. There's no meta-jokes, no fandom references, and nothing unsuitable for kids age seven and up. It's very well polished too, and a story that actually feels complete is a rarity in these minific rounds.
That said, my enthusiasm for this story is tempered by the fact that it didn't go where I wanted it to. Halfway through, my brain started spinning an idea of this Order as the last bastions of knowledge in some far future dystopia. Or some bulwark of scientific method against forces of ignorance. In shorted, I wanted the nerdy version of The Feels.
But I can hardly fault the author for delivering a nice and sweet comedy piece instead reading my mind. :-)
That said, my enthusiasm for this story is tempered by the fact that it didn't go where I wanted it to. Halfway through, my brain started spinning an idea of this Order as the last bastions of knowledge in some far future dystopia. Or some bulwark of scientific method against forces of ignorance. In shorted, I wanted the nerdy version of The Feels.
But I can hardly fault the author for delivering a nice and sweet comedy piece instead reading my mind. :-)
This is a top contender, for sure. I thought I was about to wade into some heavy muck, but then the air cleared a bit and I started to smile once I pieced things together. At some point though, I have to imagine it would just be easier for Twilight to memorize everything raw.
She has the time to kill. Probably. Maybe.
She has the time to kill. Probably. Maybe.
I thought this was going to be Faux Lovecraft Horror Bait, but the story winks at you in just the right way, at just the right time, to reassure you that isn't going to be the case. It's great.
I won't say I laughed out loud, but I definitely did snortygiggle and smirk as I read it.
I won't say I laughed out loud, but I definitely did snortygiggle and smirk as I read it.
Fun, but a bit bland to me. All the storytelling goes into the monastic order atmosphere, which lost a lot of its charm as soon as I saw "Place and Name" and realized A. what was going on and B. that I was probably not going to see more than a glimpse of Twilight or the actual work (and, indeed, we do not.) The title is Trial by Fire, and the Order is lead by an adult Spike, yet we don't get to see much of him either, and the pun opportunity is lost. (The most lamentable of neglects!)
So... a philosophical divide, I suppose. Some say that jokes taking place entirely offscreen are funnier. I am more of the school of thought that this is not the case unless there is a smaller onscreen joke setting it up first. Too much is concealed here for me to buy the idea that Twilight's Research Meltdown is actually That Bad. A little more showing and a little less telling would do wonders for my mental buy-in!
So... a philosophical divide, I suppose. Some say that jokes taking place entirely offscreen are funnier. I am more of the school of thought that this is not the case unless there is a smaller onscreen joke setting it up first. Too much is concealed here for me to buy the idea that Twilight's Research Meltdown is actually That Bad. A little more showing and a little less telling would do wonders for my mental buy-in!
Once again I feel that the Story is coming from an Author who has read some Pratchett. Not quite as solidly as in Reveries, but the Feeling is certainly there.
Fun and generally solidly Written.
Fun and generally solidly Written.
Nooo! Curse you! You beat me! And I had you pegged for fifth! But seriously, great job and congratulations on a deserved win!
*blink blink* Holy crap! I can't believe this won first place! I was hoping it might medal, given the positive reviews, but based on how many good stories there were this round, I didn't have particularly high expectations!
So, a retrospective... I am, obviously, the author of "Trial by Fire." Which I wrote in maybe three or four hours.
On my kindle.
While stuck waiting for my delayed flight in an airport.
Needless to say, I am rather surprised it came out as well as it did. Or that it has done as well as it has!
I don't recall the exact origins of this little gem on an idea. Just that "Twilight Zone" made me think of a zone of something around Twilight Sparkle. And for some reason I had also been ruminating people's peculiar obsession with ritual and ceremony. And not just around religion. Just think about how many little rituals and ceremonies we have... From weddings and funerals to handing over of keys or changing out of guards...
Anyway, those two ideas collided and out of that mess came this story. I really enjoyed writing the dialogue between Brother Inkwell and Acolyte Bookkeeper. It was fun trying to write a bit of ceremony that only hinted at their true purpose at the beginning, before slowly making it clear. I waffled on whether or not to include Spike in the story itself, or just reference him as the order's creator... I considered having him be the serious but loving grandmaster who judges and aides his students... But then I decided that he'd find all the pomp and ceremony around his mother/sister/boss/best-friend to be a bit over the top and ridiculous.
Spike complaining about them being overly melodramatic, and Rarity having a hoof in the order's creation, were last minute additions that I'm particularly fond of. ;>
Inspiration is a very peculiar thing. After I started reading other entries, I was struck by a strong bit of it, which if I'd had earlier would likely have been written instead of this piece. After seeing so many people go for a straight Rod Sterling Twilight Zone interpretation, I had a brilliant idea... A rewriting of "Nightmare at 20,000 feet" wherein William Shatner sees a muffin fall out of the sky and get sucked into the engine... And then a cross eyed pony lands and waves at him, before trying to get at the lost muffin... Destroying the engine in the process. Of course, Derpy keeps falling off the wind just before anyone else sees her...
In the end, Shatner grabs the gun and shoots the window out... So he can toss the adorable pony his breakfast muffin...
Yes, my mind does go to strange places...
>>Ritsuko
I'm using 'elder' here as a synonym for 'older' more or less...Though he is one of the Order's Elders... But I picture them using a more martial artist style of ranking... After all, they are an Order of warrior monks. They battle chaos, ignorance, and misplaced library books!
>>SPark >>shinygiratinaz >>Morning Sun >>Posh >>Crafty
Thanks for the comments! I'm glad you all enjoyed it so much! :)
>>Fenton
Okay, now I'm curious: Who did you think wrote this one? I'm guessing it wasn't me, because I generally assume that my writing and writing style are good at slipping under the radar. ;)
>>Light_Striker
Hmmmmm.. *looks up 'proscribed'* You're completely right! I don't know why I thought proscribed had the opposite meaning.. But for some reason prescribed just doesn't sound... right. There's some other, more ceremonial word floating around the back of my head that fits there just right, but now I'm not sure what it is. Curses! My vocabulary is dwindling in my old age!
>>Not_A_Hat
Honestly, I wasn't sure how big of a part of things to make Spike at the beginning. He was always going to be the origin of the Order, but I wasn't sure how visible to make him in this story. The beginning was supposed to be the real heart of the story, with the ridiculous, amusing, and somewhat appropriate ceremony our eager Acolyte goes through containing most of the humor. I didn't want to go too over the top though. And it would have been difficult to keep the ceremony going and amussing while not quite giving away who their order was devoted to... So I decided to do it in two halves, one from the perspective of the eager Acolyte, and one from the wise Master of the order.
>>FanOfMostEverything
"Ritual seems to form around princesses like dust on the back shelves." I am so stealing that line. Hmmmm.. Actually, it would make a decent Write Off prompt if it were just a bit shorter... ;>
>>Xepher
I'm actually quite surprised by how 'well polished' it came out myself, especially given the medium I was writing it on. In some circles my typos are legendary, and I didn't really have a lot of time to proof read it. And sorry, but despite being stuck in an airport terminal for several hours, my brain was fully focused on comedy. Which is odd, because an airport terminal is probably only second to the DMV in places that should make one think of dystopian futures. O.o
>>Rao
Ah, but here's the problem with that: Ponies keep writing more books! And there's no way one pony, no matter how long lived or voracious a reader, can keep up with all of them! Of course, this certainly beats the alternative.. An eternity with nothing new to read. Just suggesting such a thing to Twilight would likely mean nightly dream visits from Princess Luna for weeks!
>>Ranmilia
Wait, I missed and opportunity to pun? Where? Where?? But honestly, even if I'd had more words, I'd still have kept the details of Twilight's melt down off screen. I wouldn't be able to do it justice, or make it funny / horrifying enough to create the outcome we see in the end. Well, maybe I could manage it, but it would take a lot more than 750 words to amussingly break a pony's mind like that. ;> And Twilight's melt downs aren't necessarily that bad. The order might have just picked up a bit of melodrama from their founder's love interest... On the other hand, Alicorns only grow more powerful as they age... She might be even worse than we can imagine, and Spike is so blase about it for the same reason frogs don't jump out of a pot of boiling water if you raise the temperature slowly...
>>AndrewRogue
I have indeed read quite a bit of Prachett! And he is certainly one of my favorite authors. Alas, his style is one I could never replicate. Though for some reason when I was writing Brother Inkwell, GhostOfHeraclitus's Dotted Line was a character that rather sprung to mind. Now there's a fellow who writes very Prachettesque works, IMHO. Though that could just be because he writes his ponies as very British. :)
>>Xepher
...... I was really hoping for a Silver at best.....
But really, I read your story as well, and it was ranked quite highly on my slate. So congratulations right back at you! :)
Thanks for the reviews, and to everyone who liked this story and voted it up! :)
So, a retrospective... I am, obviously, the author of "Trial by Fire." Which I wrote in maybe three or four hours.
On my kindle.
While stuck waiting for my delayed flight in an airport.
Needless to say, I am rather surprised it came out as well as it did. Or that it has done as well as it has!
I don't recall the exact origins of this little gem on an idea. Just that "Twilight Zone" made me think of a zone of something around Twilight Sparkle. And for some reason I had also been ruminating people's peculiar obsession with ritual and ceremony. And not just around religion. Just think about how many little rituals and ceremonies we have... From weddings and funerals to handing over of keys or changing out of guards...
Anyway, those two ideas collided and out of that mess came this story. I really enjoyed writing the dialogue between Brother Inkwell and Acolyte Bookkeeper. It was fun trying to write a bit of ceremony that only hinted at their true purpose at the beginning, before slowly making it clear. I waffled on whether or not to include Spike in the story itself, or just reference him as the order's creator... I considered having him be the serious but loving grandmaster who judges and aides his students... But then I decided that he'd find all the pomp and ceremony around his mother/sister/boss/best-friend to be a bit over the top and ridiculous.
Spike complaining about them being overly melodramatic, and Rarity having a hoof in the order's creation, were last minute additions that I'm particularly fond of. ;>
Inspiration is a very peculiar thing. After I started reading other entries, I was struck by a strong bit of it, which if I'd had earlier would likely have been written instead of this piece. After seeing so many people go for a straight Rod Sterling Twilight Zone interpretation, I had a brilliant idea... A rewriting of "Nightmare at 20,000 feet" wherein William Shatner sees a muffin fall out of the sky and get sucked into the engine... And then a cross eyed pony lands and waves at him, before trying to get at the lost muffin... Destroying the engine in the process. Of course, Derpy keeps falling off the wind just before anyone else sees her...
In the end, Shatner grabs the gun and shoots the window out... So he can toss the adorable pony his breakfast muffin...
Yes, my mind does go to strange places...
>>Ritsuko
I'm using 'elder' here as a synonym for 'older' more or less...Though he is one of the Order's Elders... But I picture them using a more martial artist style of ranking... After all, they are an Order of warrior monks. They battle chaos, ignorance, and misplaced library books!
>>SPark >>shinygiratinaz >>Morning Sun >>Posh >>Crafty
Thanks for the comments! I'm glad you all enjoyed it so much! :)
>>Fenton
Okay, now I'm curious: Who did you think wrote this one? I'm guessing it wasn't me, because I generally assume that my writing and writing style are good at slipping under the radar. ;)
>>Light_Striker
Hmmmmm.. *looks up 'proscribed'* You're completely right! I don't know why I thought proscribed had the opposite meaning.. But for some reason prescribed just doesn't sound... right. There's some other, more ceremonial word floating around the back of my head that fits there just right, but now I'm not sure what it is. Curses! My vocabulary is dwindling in my old age!
>>Not_A_Hat
Honestly, I wasn't sure how big of a part of things to make Spike at the beginning. He was always going to be the origin of the Order, but I wasn't sure how visible to make him in this story. The beginning was supposed to be the real heart of the story, with the ridiculous, amusing, and somewhat appropriate ceremony our eager Acolyte goes through containing most of the humor. I didn't want to go too over the top though. And it would have been difficult to keep the ceremony going and amussing while not quite giving away who their order was devoted to... So I decided to do it in two halves, one from the perspective of the eager Acolyte, and one from the wise Master of the order.
>>FanOfMostEverything
"Ritual seems to form around princesses like dust on the back shelves." I am so stealing that line. Hmmmm.. Actually, it would make a decent Write Off prompt if it were just a bit shorter... ;>
>>Xepher
I'm actually quite surprised by how 'well polished' it came out myself, especially given the medium I was writing it on. In some circles my typos are legendary, and I didn't really have a lot of time to proof read it. And sorry, but despite being stuck in an airport terminal for several hours, my brain was fully focused on comedy. Which is odd, because an airport terminal is probably only second to the DMV in places that should make one think of dystopian futures. O.o
>>Rao
Ah, but here's the problem with that: Ponies keep writing more books! And there's no way one pony, no matter how long lived or voracious a reader, can keep up with all of them! Of course, this certainly beats the alternative.. An eternity with nothing new to read. Just suggesting such a thing to Twilight would likely mean nightly dream visits from Princess Luna for weeks!
>>Ranmilia
Wait, I missed and opportunity to pun? Where? Where?? But honestly, even if I'd had more words, I'd still have kept the details of Twilight's melt down off screen. I wouldn't be able to do it justice, or make it funny / horrifying enough to create the outcome we see in the end. Well, maybe I could manage it, but it would take a lot more than 750 words to amussingly break a pony's mind like that. ;> And Twilight's melt downs aren't necessarily that bad. The order might have just picked up a bit of melodrama from their founder's love interest... On the other hand, Alicorns only grow more powerful as they age... She might be even worse than we can imagine, and Spike is so blase about it for the same reason frogs don't jump out of a pot of boiling water if you raise the temperature slowly...
>>AndrewRogue
I have indeed read quite a bit of Prachett! And he is certainly one of my favorite authors. Alas, his style is one I could never replicate. Though for some reason when I was writing Brother Inkwell, GhostOfHeraclitus's Dotted Line was a character that rather sprung to mind. Now there's a fellow who writes very Prachettesque works, IMHO. Though that could just be because he writes his ponies as very British. :)
>>Xepher
...... I was really hoping for a Silver at best.....
But really, I read your story as well, and it was ranked quite highly on my slate. So congratulations right back at you! :)
Thanks for the reviews, and to everyone who liked this story and voted it up! :)
