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The Endless Struggle
Original Minific
Under an oppressive moon
The Twilight Zone
FiM Minific
Is This in a Literal Sense
Staring Into the Abyss
Original Short Story
My Little Portal
#8528 · 3
· on Transcript of Interview - 0101730A · >>Zaid Val'Roa
From what I can see, you nailed a solid hook, but why such a dead end title for the story?
#8189 · 2
· on Good Little Bunny
The Trapper's trap, trapped the Trapper.

While I could argue about the twisting of the original story, but I guess it still works here, setting up the stage.

It was quite the fluffy little tail, alright. Just one item, the scene brakes doesn't seem to conform to the purpose put forth here. While they may be correctly put, where they are.
#7327 · 1
Why not a vice versus?
Turn your Parents into Horses?
#7339 · 1
the best start for the Single Frog may be to dealing with the Single issue and get another Frog by your side?
Of course you can, assuming you identify your purpetrator and can prove it within reasonbable doubts
I am all with you, right there.
No Fan-Fare, but aside from that ..
#8527 · 1
· on Eolotthowghrhoighuay
Names and titles lift a storyabove the original story, or drawn it under the surface before the story is told.

where are the "Ponies"?
#8535 · 1
· on The Changelings are Due in Canterlot
These Names comes off as half hearted and not quite to the point.
Yet, I enjoy the more exact knowing of Pony mentality.
Some nice knowing of how to acuse one to hide the true perpetrator too.
#8537 · 1
· on Playing the Game · >>billymorph
Point 1, it is Cutie Map.
Applejack sounds too far removed from the farm in her speach here.
Property taxes? in Ponyville?
Theocratic Monarchy ^^
oh, and well played..
#9062 · 1
· on The Obsolete Pony
While it feels as if the story lack the energy to draw me in, it doesn't lack finess in the trickery to get Starlight.
#9502 · 1
· on Skyward
First off, since it is Military and Russia, you could have bother adding a few more words of description early on?
I find some issues with the punctuation, even if I guess it is less of a problem.
if the voice is identifying itself, the lack of tag kind of cancles itself out.
On the other hand, even if it can be acceptable to have Action in a Dialogue paragraph, but this does require a correct connection between the Dialogue and the Action taking place.
“Prepare the radar-homing missiles?”
Pause. “Negative. For now, we shall just look.”

This does however not work.
#7713 ·
· on Froggy! · >>Syeekoh
Wait, you expected us to read the same line, over and over?
How does mentioning the name of a Character count as being relevant to anything?