Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
>>All_Art_Is_Quite_Useless
How do I react on this? I guess you enjoy how the style came out.
I should ask why it isn't your type of story.
There are hoards of stories to my name, while guess the previous entries received less than warm welcomings.
I hope there are better representations of my story telling at my FiM page. (Ponyess)
How do I react on this? I guess you enjoy how the style came out.
I should ask why it isn't your type of story.
There are hoards of stories to my name, while guess the previous entries received less than warm welcomings.
I hope there are better representations of my story telling at my FiM page. (Ponyess)
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Existential pool, that is the Abyss. I could make use of explanations and suggestions.
I guess Transhumanism was entered into the story.
Time restraint is a cleare issue.
Existential pool, that is the Abyss. I could make use of explanations and suggestions.
I guess Transhumanism was entered into the story.
Time restraint is a cleare issue.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>All_Art_Is_Quite_Useless
>>horizon
>>Fenton
>>Cold in Gardez
>>QuillScratch
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Chris
>>Orbiting_kettle
>>Ranmilia
First of all, thanks for taking the time to read my entry and putting in the effort of responding.
Secondly, I am making the doc open at; My Little Portal
>>All_Art_Is_Quite_Useless
>>horizon
>>Fenton
>>Cold in Gardez
>>QuillScratch
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Chris
>>Orbiting_kettle
>>Ranmilia
First of all, thanks for taking the time to read my entry and putting in the effort of responding.
Secondly, I am making the doc open at; My Little Portal
What is it with this Caricature character in the first place, couldn't make a real person do these things?
Be weary of pointless exagerations in general.
Quotation marks, use them for all sitations as Speach or dialogue. it's plain sloppy.
As funny as the story may be, but these issues are still bothering.
Be weary of pointless exagerations in general.
Quotation marks, use them for all sitations as Speach or dialogue. it's plain sloppy.
As funny as the story may be, but these issues are still bothering.
>>horizon
I feel it hedged and unclear.
The quite require sitation markings.
I like the lines crisp, easy to read.
Punctuation adds emphasis and give additional meaning and clarity of intent if applied correctly.
The stars only barely peeked into the room—dimmed as they were by the sheer drapes covering the windows—but Zarund felt their gaze all the same.
I feel it hedged and unclear.
Depending on how terrified Taron looked at this point, Alyss would sometimes pipe in: Papa, were there flowers?
The quite require sitation markings.
I like the lines crisp, easy to read.
Punctuation adds emphasis and give additional meaning and clarity of intent if applied correctly.
First off, the Punctuation. The placing of a coma is just as important as the choice of words. Consider them with care.
In this case, I was bothered by it and was held afar and slowed down for no apparent reason.
In this case, I was bothered by it and was held afar and slowed down for no apparent reason.
First off, since it is Military and Russia, you could have bother adding a few more words of description early on?
I find some issues with the punctuation, even if I guess it is less of a problem.
if the voice is identifying itself, the lack of tag kind of cancles itself out.
On the other hand, even if it can be acceptable to have Action in a Dialogue paragraph, but this does require a correct connection between the Dialogue and the Action taking place.
This does however not work.
I find some issues with the punctuation, even if I guess it is less of a problem.
if the voice is identifying itself, the lack of tag kind of cancles itself out.
On the other hand, even if it can be acceptable to have Action in a Dialogue paragraph, but this does require a correct connection between the Dialogue and the Action taking place.
“Prepare the radar-homing missiles?”
Pause. “Negative. For now, we shall just look.”
This does however not work.
>>FrontSevens
For some additional on the idea; even if the beginning may have been a wrighter, it is not the end of the story.
The secod segment is looking like a vague description of a transformation from a dissoriented and frustrated perspective.
The third segment is more of a menal stuggle and issues.
The end deals with the girl behind the wall, but who is she?
For some additional on the idea; even if the beginning may have been a wrighter, it is not the end of the story.
The secod segment is looking like a vague description of a transformation from a dissoriented and frustrated perspective.
The third segment is more of a menal stuggle and issues.
The end deals with the girl behind the wall, but who is she?
>>FrontSevens
If we take it from the top, and see the sun setting as he moon comes up?
While the cursing of words does support the wrighting, it is not definitely proving it.
If you connect the loss of words with the moon, instead of the end of the day or deadline; what do we have?
The walls closing in, sounds like a problem from something other than a wrighting issue?
Tried to say, sounds as if you are incapable of speach, rather than hit by speachlock.
If you hear voices that are not there, is it halucination, or from the distance?
Why doesn't the girl want to scare the charcter?
For the alternative conclusion; werewolf coming to mind.
If we take it from the top, and see the sun setting as he moon comes up?
While the cursing of words does support the wrighting, it is not definitely proving it.
If you connect the loss of words with the moon, instead of the end of the day or deadline; what do we have?
The walls closing in, sounds like a problem from something other than a wrighting issue?
Tried to say, sounds as if you are incapable of speach, rather than hit by speachlock.
If you hear voices that are not there, is it halucination, or from the distance?
Why doesn't the girl want to scare the charcter?
For the alternative conclusion; werewolf coming to mind.
>>billymorph
Guess Property Taxes could be expected, just that it depends on a few details if these would actually apply to the Apples in the specific case.
Gotta enjoy a story well played. Interesting interpretation of the included characters here.
Guess Property Taxes could be expected, just that it depends on a few details if these would actually apply to the Apples in the specific case.
Gotta enjoy a story well played. Interesting interpretation of the included characters here.
>>QuillScratch
If this is an issue pointed at, the solution would be to omit the word "could" and everything would be fine.
My intent is to widen the meaning a bit further.
With the first case, it links he dialogue and the action.
This sounds like the first segment.
On that note, the problem may be tha the next paragraph ould have used a semi-colon as well?
Since we are in the castle, and the library to be exact; one posibility is that it was Starlight Glimmer, the Pony that play Pinkie Pie saw. If she is new in Ponyville and did not know of Twilight's student such a mistake should be easy to make?
Is it possible Starlight could pull a deep spell on the Pony, on instinct? Haycart or anything esle to give the impression described in the fic?
Would it make sence to assume that it was never Twilight, but Starlight who pulled haycart over the Pony? She wouldn't know she is Pinkie Pie instantly and she wouldn't instinctively recognice Rarity.
Once she realized she is pinkie pie, her actions changed rather drastically.
Why do I have the impression this happened to my previous(first) entry, and that it is likely to happen again and again? While it made more sense once you see the order of the story in the fic.
I hope it doesn't come out as afterconstructions to defend what was just a bad story in the first place.
As I look down, I could see the dark, shiny, pink boots. I feel Rarity strapping the shiny, black saddle tightly on my back.
If this is an issue pointed at, the solution would be to omit the word "could" and everything would be fine.
My intent is to widen the meaning a bit further.
With the first case, it links he dialogue and the action.
You can happily link a complete sentence that's riddled with commas to another independent clause that has none using a semicolon.
This sounds like the first segment.
On that note, the problem may be tha the next paragraph ould have used a semi-colon as well?
A far more obvious and reasonable explanation would be that Twilight didn't hear the initial call! Perhaps she was engrossed in work or thought?
Since we are in the castle, and the library to be exact; one posibility is that it was Starlight Glimmer, the Pony that play Pinkie Pie saw. If she is new in Ponyville and did not know of Twilight's student such a mistake should be easy to make?
Is it possible Starlight could pull a deep spell on the Pony, on instinct? Haycart or anything esle to give the impression described in the fic?
Nothing in this story seems to have any lasting consequences:
Would it make sence to assume that it was never Twilight, but Starlight who pulled haycart over the Pony? She wouldn't know she is Pinkie Pie instantly and she wouldn't instinctively recognice Rarity.
Once she realized she is pinkie pie, her actions changed rather drastically.
And that, I believe, is why so many readers thought that the story was disjointed, cryptic, confusing, and incoherent.
Why do I have the impression this happened to my previous(first) entry, and that it is likely to happen again and again? While it made more sense once you see the order of the story in the fic.
I hope it doesn't come out as afterconstructions to defend what was just a bad story in the first place.
>>Ranmilia
The Beginning is in a Library, and the zooming out.
Middle is zooming in, meeting Rarity and heading towards the Council meeting.
The end is arriving at the meeting.
>>Xepher
I can easily emphasis with your situation here.
>>horizon
Yes, he certinly did put in an effort. I appreciate his Post too.
The title is Important, but it doesn't tel the story; merely opens up the door, for the reader to enter the premise.
Needs work, I can easily agree with you on that point.
I could recognise a few errors by myself, after I had published it. But then it was too late to change it.
The Beginning is in a Library, and the zooming out.
Middle is zooming in, meeting Rarity and heading towards the Council meeting.
The end is arriving at the meeting.
>>Xepher
I can easily emphasis with your situation here.
>>horizon
Yes, he certinly did put in an effort. I appreciate his Post too.
The title is Important, but it doesn't tel the story; merely opens up the door, for the reader to enter the premise.
Needs work, I can easily agree with you on that point.
I could recognise a few errors by myself, after I had published it. But then it was too late to change it.
>>QuillScratch
I can as well admit to have made a few erros here and there. While some of the issues are deliberately put into place too.
If you can point out instances, so I can look into your complaints?
From the top, how do you read dialogue and action tags?
Secondly, does the clauses require to contain individual comas to count as equal?
It could help, while I need to interpret some items from a different perspective.
I certainly could use help with these tenses.
Just a matter of the exact intended meaning behind these issues in some cases.
Expression translates poorly.
For the Dreem-like, it's Pinkie Pie, in a Twilight Zone, but that doesn't address the issues themselves.
With a hint of editoring, that should be fixable.
Hope it isn't the previous mentioned issues that puled you out of the intended flow.
It isn't clear if that eas the Actual Twilight, which could explain why she ignored the character in the beginning.
The zooming out is when the change is initiated and takes place.
Rarity offers her clothes, because rarity as they join on the path towards the throne room.
Then they go to the room, and see the Actual Twilight Sparkle.
With some more time, some details could have been added?
I had originally envissioned a different conclusion, but made this one as I came to the point.
What if the grammar made the disconection wider, or the disconnection compounded your technical issues here?
I can as well admit to have made a few erros here and there. While some of the issues are deliberately put into place too.
If you can point out instances, so I can look into your complaints?
From the top, how do you read dialogue and action tags?
Secondly, does the clauses require to contain individual comas to count as equal?
It could help, while I need to interpret some items from a different perspective.
I certainly could use help with these tenses.
Just a matter of the exact intended meaning behind these issues in some cases.
Expression translates poorly.
For the Dreem-like, it's Pinkie Pie, in a Twilight Zone, but that doesn't address the issues themselves.
With a hint of editoring, that should be fixable.
Hope it isn't the previous mentioned issues that puled you out of the intended flow.
It isn't clear if that eas the Actual Twilight, which could explain why she ignored the character in the beginning.
The zooming out is when the change is initiated and takes place.
Rarity offers her clothes, because rarity as they join on the path towards the throne room.
Then they go to the room, and see the Actual Twilight Sparkle.
With some more time, some details could have been added?
I had originally envissioned a different conclusion, but made this one as I came to the point.
What if the grammar made the disconection wider, or the disconnection compounded your technical issues here?
>>HorseVoice
This explains why people chose to omit the tag entirely
I do put effort into choosing these with care. Did any of these come ut as off, or did I nail them?
>>JudgeDeadd
I have written such stories, but his is not one of them.
>>FanOfMostEverything
In MLP. Twilight Zone is a Library, isn't it?
>>AndrewRogue
If you could point out instances where you feel they are in error, so I can look into the issue?
>>Morning Sun
Character soomed into the castle, meetsRarity who have her wear boots before they go to the throne room together for a council meeting.
>>FanOfMostEverything
the Pinkie is dissoriented and thus takes time to orient herself propperly.
Rarity was in the castle already, for the council meeting.
That could be explained as a Fashion. While I am less Fashion forwards than Rarity.
This explains why people chose to omit the tag entirely
I do put effort into choosing these with care. Did any of these come ut as off, or did I nail them?
>>JudgeDeadd
I have written such stories, but his is not one of them.
>>FanOfMostEverything
In MLP. Twilight Zone is a Library, isn't it?
>>AndrewRogue
If you could point out instances where you feel they are in error, so I can look into the issue?
>>Morning Sun
Character soomed into the castle, meetsRarity who have her wear boots before they go to the throne room together for a council meeting.
>>FanOfMostEverything
the Pinkie is dissoriented and thus takes time to orient herself propperly.
Rarity was in the castle already, for the council meeting.
That could be explained as a Fashion. While I am less Fashion forwards than Rarity.
>>SPark
If you or someone else would care to point out the instances, so I could see if it is an error or intencional?
>>JudgeDeadd
The Narrator is not in the story, isn't that the point with a Narrator?
It is Twilight Zone. The main character is playing Pinkie Pie, which is supposed to explain these descrapencies.
Teh change, as such ad already begun or taken place. That is just Rarity beinf Rarity.
It is the boots that is responsible for these noises, not the floor. Typical rubber noise.
The Library is Twilight's Zone.
>>Not_A_Hat
I could try to watch out for the issue, while I sometimes do use it for special effects. for the Mini, the word count is versy strict.
Darling was as a nickname, while I can see how it can be tricky to Capitalize it in other instances.
There is an intended break, clearly marked, the rest is intended to be one section.
For an option, what if you are thinking too deep to see the obvious?
If you or someone else would care to point out the instances, so I could see if it is an error or intencional?
>>JudgeDeadd
The Narrator is not in the story, isn't that the point with a Narrator?
It is Twilight Zone. The main character is playing Pinkie Pie, which is supposed to explain these descrapencies.
Teh change, as such ad already begun or taken place. That is just Rarity beinf Rarity.
It is the boots that is responsible for these noises, not the floor. Typical rubber noise.
The Library is Twilight's Zone.
>>Not_A_Hat
I could try to watch out for the issue, while I sometimes do use it for special effects. for the Mini, the word count is versy strict.
Darling was as a nickname, while I can see how it can be tricky to Capitalize it in other instances.
There is an intended break, clearly marked, the rest is intended to be one section.
For an option, what if you are thinking too deep to see the obvious?
While it feels as if the story lack the energy to draw me in, it doesn't lack finess in the trickery to get Starlight.
>>JudgeDeadd
Gene, Tom and John were all named right up from the start. in paragraphs 2, 3 and 4.
>>JudgeDeadd
Could have been plenty of fun, under a different Prompt and premis.
Gene, Tom and John were all named right up from the start. in paragraphs 2, 3 and 4.
>>JudgeDeadd
Could have been plenty of fun, under a different Prompt and premis.
Paging WIP