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The Twilight Council
"Well?" The word was said with growing impatience.
The question demanded an answer, but Twilight found she had none. She needed more research, more understanding. She needed more time. But she couldn't delay further... or could she?
Twilight's eye began to twitch...
Sure, time manipulation hadn't worked out very well for her in the past (she chided herself for the pun), but what if she didn't change time, just...
Twilight Sparkle froze time.
The world was motionless. Motes of dust hung in sunbeams like stars amongst the infinity of space. Pleased with herself, Twilight was hopeful. It just might work. But she'd need help.
----
Blinking twice after her teleport, Twilight stood in a narrow crystal hallway, deep within the roots of her castle. The gems set into the door before her pulsed, the only sign of movement—beyond herself—in all the universe. Of course the door itself was barely even part of this universe. Beyond it stood the Nexus, a hub between worlds and realities foreign to everything most ponies ever knew. She'd first glimpsed the place briefly, during her ascension years ago. She'd felt its strange caress again, as she'd chased Sunset Shimmer through the mirror. But it had taken another decade for her to pierce the Veil on her own, creating this portal tying her world into the great knot of larger existence.
She opened the door, stepped into the abyss, and lit her horn. "I summon the Council!"
Instantly—for time had no sway here—other doors opened and an influx of creatures poured forth. Many were ponies; winged, horned, both, and neither. Many more were not. There were hulking bipeds, tiny hexapods, aquatic serpents, winged rodents, and all manner in between. But from doppelganger to eldritch horror, they all had one thing in common: they were all named Twilight Sparkle.
As scores of bodies settled into whatever passed for resting positions, Twilight Prime spoke. "I've asked you here, because I need your help."
"No doi," snarked a gruff looking alicorn. She was missing a wing, and heavily scarred beneath her leather armor. "So get to it!"
"Right, so... I've been asked a question, one which I must answer truthfully. The problem is that any answer given is likely to carry with it implications on the very nature of reality, personal identity, free will, quantum theory, and more."
Nearby, a hivemind of hoof-long arthropods chattered up at her.
"Good question," Prime said. "For example, what is the difference between nature and nurture? How does one's identity, the choices someone makes, and therefore who they are, vary with simple circumstance of upbringing? Many of you are perhaps identical to me at the genetic level. Yet our lives differ wildly. But with others, our entire lives may be nearly identical. Does that mean we have no free will?"
"Yeah yeah yeah," mocked the one-winged alicorn. "We've all had philosophy 101."
"Aarrr ooorrraahh aahhheeeeraaooo," a lavender star-walrus bellowed as he orbited lazily above the bulk of the crowd.
"I'll say whatever I damn well please if it'll make this go faster." She spit a few strands of blonde and rainbow-colored hair out of her mouth. "I left two very eager, very naked mares waiting in my bed."
Prime shook her head, trying—unsuccessfully—to get certain images out of it.
"Ohhh.... not a fan of the ladies then?"
"No, but... that's my point. Why do our tastes differ so? Please, I need your help." She looked around. "I need all of your help."
In the end, the Council agreed. And so the work began.
It took centuries. Committees formed, debated, and dissolved. Cults formed, fought, and frayed. Entire schools of philosophy were invented and discarded. But the Nexus is timeless, so a very long instant later, Twilight Sparkle stepped back into her own reality.
----
With a pop, Twilight stood once again before The Giver of The Question (as she'd come to think of her.) Time resumed.
"Twilight?" Rarity queried. "Is everything okay? You look like you were far away there for a moment."
Twilight grinned and then practically shouted. "Yeast-raised, 183mg/c^3 density, cinnamon and sugar coating at a 2:7 ratio by weight, served at 41.74 degrees!"
"What?"
"That's the answer, I assure you. That is, objectively, the best doughnut in the multiverse!"
Rarity chuckled. "So I guess you're on team doughnut then."
"Huh?"
"Darling," Rarity shook her head good-naturedly at her scatter-brained friend. "I didn't ask about the best doughnut. I asked what was best, cupcakes or doughnuts."
Twilight's eye began to twitch...
The question demanded an answer, but Twilight found she had none. She needed more research, more understanding. She needed more time. But she couldn't delay further... or could she?
Twilight's eye began to twitch...
Sure, time manipulation hadn't worked out very well for her in the past (she chided herself for the pun), but what if she didn't change time, just...
Twilight Sparkle froze time.
The world was motionless. Motes of dust hung in sunbeams like stars amongst the infinity of space. Pleased with herself, Twilight was hopeful. It just might work. But she'd need help.
----
Blinking twice after her teleport, Twilight stood in a narrow crystal hallway, deep within the roots of her castle. The gems set into the door before her pulsed, the only sign of movement—beyond herself—in all the universe. Of course the door itself was barely even part of this universe. Beyond it stood the Nexus, a hub between worlds and realities foreign to everything most ponies ever knew. She'd first glimpsed the place briefly, during her ascension years ago. She'd felt its strange caress again, as she'd chased Sunset Shimmer through the mirror. But it had taken another decade for her to pierce the Veil on her own, creating this portal tying her world into the great knot of larger existence.
She opened the door, stepped into the abyss, and lit her horn. "I summon the Council!"
Instantly—for time had no sway here—other doors opened and an influx of creatures poured forth. Many were ponies; winged, horned, both, and neither. Many more were not. There were hulking bipeds, tiny hexapods, aquatic serpents, winged rodents, and all manner in between. But from doppelganger to eldritch horror, they all had one thing in common: they were all named Twilight Sparkle.
As scores of bodies settled into whatever passed for resting positions, Twilight Prime spoke. "I've asked you here, because I need your help."
"No doi," snarked a gruff looking alicorn. She was missing a wing, and heavily scarred beneath her leather armor. "So get to it!"
"Right, so... I've been asked a question, one which I must answer truthfully. The problem is that any answer given is likely to carry with it implications on the very nature of reality, personal identity, free will, quantum theory, and more."
Nearby, a hivemind of hoof-long arthropods chattered up at her.
"Good question," Prime said. "For example, what is the difference between nature and nurture? How does one's identity, the choices someone makes, and therefore who they are, vary with simple circumstance of upbringing? Many of you are perhaps identical to me at the genetic level. Yet our lives differ wildly. But with others, our entire lives may be nearly identical. Does that mean we have no free will?"
"Yeah yeah yeah," mocked the one-winged alicorn. "We've all had philosophy 101."
"Aarrr ooorrraahh aahhheeeeraaooo," a lavender star-walrus bellowed as he orbited lazily above the bulk of the crowd.
"I'll say whatever I damn well please if it'll make this go faster." She spit a few strands of blonde and rainbow-colored hair out of her mouth. "I left two very eager, very naked mares waiting in my bed."
Prime shook her head, trying—unsuccessfully—to get certain images out of it.
"Ohhh.... not a fan of the ladies then?"
"No, but... that's my point. Why do our tastes differ so? Please, I need your help." She looked around. "I need all of your help."
In the end, the Council agreed. And so the work began.
It took centuries. Committees formed, debated, and dissolved. Cults formed, fought, and frayed. Entire schools of philosophy were invented and discarded. But the Nexus is timeless, so a very long instant later, Twilight Sparkle stepped back into her own reality.
----
With a pop, Twilight stood once again before The Giver of The Question (as she'd come to think of her.) Time resumed.
"Twilight?" Rarity queried. "Is everything okay? You look like you were far away there for a moment."
Twilight grinned and then practically shouted. "Yeast-raised, 183mg/c^3 density, cinnamon and sugar coating at a 2:7 ratio by weight, served at 41.74 degrees!"
"What?"
"That's the answer, I assure you. That is, objectively, the best doughnut in the multiverse!"
Rarity chuckled. "So I guess you're on team doughnut then."
"Huh?"
"Darling," Rarity shook her head good-naturedly at her scatter-brained friend. "I didn't ask about the best doughnut. I asked what was best, cupcakes or doughnuts."
Twilight's eye began to twitch...
This story started from a premise which is, let's face it, not altogether difficult to come up with, but took it in a very amusing direction. Set-up and payoff both worked well. If I had to criticize, I'd say that only having one other Twilight for TwiPrime to banter with was a wasted opportunity, and I wish there'd been more incarnations for her to exchange intelligible dialogue with.
Although that may have been a concession to word limits and time constraints. What we do have works excellently, and having the other Twilights assume forms which are alien and incomprehensible is a clever work-around.
Although that may have been a concession to word limits and time constraints. What we do have works excellently, and having the other Twilights assume forms which are alien and incomprehensible is a clever work-around.
I'm dispensing with my usual format here because I don't know what I want to do with this one.
For me, the the best part of this was the sheer creativity of the dizzying array of Twilights floating and bickering in the middle section. That stuff was a joy to behold.
I'm gonna be honest, the rest of the framing story didn't do much for me. I almost think it could've started at "Blinking twice after her teleport" because I didn't feel like there was enough stuff in the initial framing piece to hook me. It was just kinda long and not very punchy. Cutting the beginning would've helped keep the tone more consistently funny throughout, which would've helped the ending land better. Similarly, I wish the middle section had ended at "And so the work began", because the paragraph after it was suitably wacky but just feels off to me. It's a case where fewer specifics would've helped maintain the tone better IMO.
I dunno, There are really strong bits, and then (judging by the other reviews) there are bits that seem to work for everyone but me. I'm not sure what that means in terms of ranking. I'll have to give it further thought.
For me, the the best part of this was the sheer creativity of the dizzying array of Twilights floating and bickering in the middle section. That stuff was a joy to behold.
I'm gonna be honest, the rest of the framing story didn't do much for me. I almost think it could've started at "Blinking twice after her teleport" because I didn't feel like there was enough stuff in the initial framing piece to hook me. It was just kinda long and not very punchy. Cutting the beginning would've helped keep the tone more consistently funny throughout, which would've helped the ending land better. Similarly, I wish the middle section had ended at "And so the work began", because the paragraph after it was suitably wacky but just feels off to me. It's a case where fewer specifics would've helped maintain the tone better IMO.
I dunno, There are really strong bits, and then (judging by the other reviews) there are bits that seem to work for everyone but me. I'm not sure what that means in terms of ranking. I'll have to give it further thought.
That’s weird. I don’t see Cynewulf in the author guessing.
I would happily watch My Little Hivemind: Friendship is Numerous.
Now this is how you pull off an infinite Twilight story. Magnificently done. Thank you for it.
I would happily watch My Little Hivemind: Friendship is Numerous.
Now this is how you pull off an infinite Twilight story. Magnificently done. Thank you for it.
>>FanOfMostEverything
I'd love to see a Flufflepuff-style take on Bookhorse the StarWalrus vs. Lavender Hivemind! I'm just picturing a dozen lobsters with clipboards scurrying on top of everything and everypony, taking notes and measuring, while some giant tub of lard lies on its side like Jabba the Hutt.
Overall, I agree with most of the above comments. The middle is the best part, and needs expansion and dialog from other strange Twilights, instead of just the one Imperator Twilightosa (or whatever mad max reference is appropriate.)
The actual joke, while a bit cheesy works well enough. Though probably anything inane could've worked for "The Question" without changing the impact, so that almost shouldn't count.
Still though, I think this one does what it sets out to do. It's punchy and to the point, with just enough twists to make it a fun ride.
I'd love to see a Flufflepuff-style take on Bookhorse the StarWalrus vs. Lavender Hivemind! I'm just picturing a dozen lobsters with clipboards scurrying on top of everything and everypony, taking notes and measuring, while some giant tub of lard lies on its side like Jabba the Hutt.
Overall, I agree with most of the above comments. The middle is the best part, and needs expansion and dialog from other strange Twilights, instead of just the one Imperator Twilightosa (or whatever mad max reference is appropriate.)
The actual joke, while a bit cheesy works well enough. Though probably anything inane could've worked for "The Question" without changing the impact, so that almost shouldn't count.
Still though, I think this one does what it sets out to do. It's punchy and to the point, with just enough twists to make it a fun ride.
The Twilight Council and Stasis Field are from two different games and entirely different tech trees. Flavor fail, 0/10! Just kidding.
I've not much to say here that hasn't been said already here. (Mostly because I was busy all week and am getting last day reviews in. Whups.) This is a fantastic comedy, strong all around, balancing quick but catchy character sketches, amusing interplays, and a drawn out serious-turned-comedic punchline based on Twilight's core characterization. A joy to read, except for two minor wording quibbles:
The "does" in this sentence scans poorly to me, because my eyes see the following commas and assume it's a list rather than subclauses of the singular "identity." It might be technically correct as is, but could probably be rewritten in some clearer form.
And secondly... it's "donut," not "doughnut." This is an absolutely vital matter to the totality of my enjoyment, more pressing by far than any question of donuts vs cupcakes or cinnamon vs chocolate and candy sprinkles. Unprecedented serious affair. Fisticuffs at dawn. Just kidding again. Congrats on what looks like quite a high placement!
I've not much to say here that hasn't been said already here. (Mostly because I was busy all week and am getting last day reviews in. Whups.) This is a fantastic comedy, strong all around, balancing quick but catchy character sketches, amusing interplays, and a drawn out serious-turned-comedic punchline based on Twilight's core characterization. A joy to read, except for two minor wording quibbles:
How does one's identity, the choices someone makes, and therefore who they are, vary with simple circumstance of upbringing?
The "does" in this sentence scans poorly to me, because my eyes see the following commas and assume it's a list rather than subclauses of the singular "identity." It might be technically correct as is, but could probably be rewritten in some clearer form.
And secondly... it's "donut," not "doughnut." This is an absolutely vital matter to the totality of my enjoyment, more pressing by far than any question of donuts vs cupcakes or cinnamon vs chocolate and candy sprinkles. Unprecedented serious affair. Fisticuffs at dawn. Just kidding again. Congrats on what looks like quite a high placement!
>>CoffeeMinion
Nopony asked for a Super Bonus Double Review!!, but you're getting one anyway!
Genre: OTT joke setup
Thoughts: Coming back to this now that I'm not competing with it... I think my take on it is similar to before. There's a really funny and imagination-grabbing piece in the middle, and the thing at the end is the joke, but the beginning leaves me completely cold. If the purpose of an intro is to set the scene and hook the reader's interest, I think the decision to leave us with just the question and not any context is hard-mode. Again, I think it would be better not to force us through the context shift, and just open with Twilight's teleport. You could drop some more mentions of The Asker of the Question to keep it glued together... like maybe one of the Twilights could speak in a Vortigaunt style and call her that.
Also, it strikes me as a bit odd for Twilight to talk up the depth and significance of the question as much as she does with the group. I get it that the whole setup means that this is meant to be uber-pedantic Twilight on brain-steroids, but for that reason wouldn't it make sense for her to approach the question as an idle but intrusive thought? And then let the other Twilights get hooked on it not because of its stated significance, but because they can't help themselves? Again, that's probably what happens anyway, but it's not how Twilight sells it, either to the council or the reader.
So I think there's room to polish the humor side of this, but I can't deny it does what it does pretty well. IMO the moment that makes the whole story is the orbiting star-walrus.
Tier: Almost There
Nopony asked for a Super Bonus Double Review!!, but you're getting one anyway!
Genre: OTT joke setup
Thoughts: Coming back to this now that I'm not competing with it... I think my take on it is similar to before. There's a really funny and imagination-grabbing piece in the middle, and the thing at the end is the joke, but the beginning leaves me completely cold. If the purpose of an intro is to set the scene and hook the reader's interest, I think the decision to leave us with just the question and not any context is hard-mode. Again, I think it would be better not to force us through the context shift, and just open with Twilight's teleport. You could drop some more mentions of The Asker of the Question to keep it glued together... like maybe one of the Twilights could speak in a Vortigaunt style and call her that.
Also, it strikes me as a bit odd for Twilight to talk up the depth and significance of the question as much as she does with the group. I get it that the whole setup means that this is meant to be uber-pedantic Twilight on brain-steroids, but for that reason wouldn't it make sense for her to approach the question as an idle but intrusive thought? And then let the other Twilights get hooked on it not because of its stated significance, but because they can't help themselves? Again, that's probably what happens anyway, but it's not how Twilight sells it, either to the council or the reader.
So I think there's room to polish the humor side of this, but I can't deny it does what it does pretty well. IMO the moment that makes the whole story is the orbiting star-walrus.
Tier: Almost There
Okay, you got me. I don't even know what I expected after the other multi-Twi fic but damned if you didn't deliver a unique experience. This feels like pulling an all-nighter for a test, only to discover you mixed up the schedule and pushed for the wrong subject.
It's simple, it's great, and Star-Walrus might be my favorite thing out of this Writeoff yet. Definitely a high contender.
It's simple, it's great, and Star-Walrus might be my favorite thing out of this Writeoff yet. Definitely a high contender.
Second funniest thing I've read this round. This is more my style of humor, absurd but tightly coiled around its absurdity. Builds on and delivers its one joke quite well, even if I could guess the shape of it from the outset. Still, super charming.
Cunnilingus joke might be a bit too much, though. I chuckled, but it is really out of left field, especially compared to the remainder of the content.
General definitely needs a bit of a textual pass comment.
Cunnilingus joke might be a bit too much, though. I chuckled, but it is really out of left field, especially compared to the remainder of the content.
General definitely needs a bit of a textual pass comment.
>>AndrewRogue
So, I tried to keep it clean. I literally was thinking of long hairs getting stuck in my beard after making out with my last girlfriend. Not cunnilingus. (I would've mentioned "curly" if I had meant that.)
So, I tried to keep it clean. I literally was thinking of long hairs getting stuck in my beard after making out with my last girlfriend. Not cunnilingus. (I would've mentioned "curly" if I had meant that.)
>>Fuzzyfurvert
>>SPark
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Posh
>>Haze
>>Haze
>>CoffeeMinion
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>Ranmilia
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Rao
>>AndrewRogue
Okay, thank you very much to all that commented, and I'm very happy that most of you seemed to really like this story. More so, that I got a silver out of it! Woot!
To bare all though, I have to admit this was directly inspired by "The Council of Ricks" from Rick and Morty. I almost titled it "The Council of Twilights" but was afraid that'd give away too much. But no one seemed to mention it, so perhaps my worry was unwarranted. Also, per my own false "review" I really do wish I'd had more room to expand the middle bit, and interact with more strange Twilights. This is definitely one I think I'll try to expand for FIMFiction.
>>SPark
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Posh
>>Haze
>>Haze
>>CoffeeMinion
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>Ranmilia
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Rao
>>AndrewRogue
Okay, thank you very much to all that commented, and I'm very happy that most of you seemed to really like this story. More so, that I got a silver out of it! Woot!
To bare all though, I have to admit this was directly inspired by "The Council of Ricks" from Rick and Morty. I almost titled it "The Council of Twilights" but was afraid that'd give away too much. But no one seemed to mention it, so perhaps my worry was unwarranted. Also, per my own false "review" I really do wish I'd had more room to expand the middle bit, and interact with more strange Twilights. This is definitely one I think I'll try to expand for FIMFiction.
>>Xepher
Hah. I thought about it being a possible Council of Ricks when I read it, but then went 'There's no Twilightest Twilight' here, so the most important Twilight was missing.
Hah. I thought about it being a possible Council of Ricks when I read it, but then went 'There's no Twilightest Twilight' here, so the most important Twilight was missing.
>>Xepher
Sorry about being really late for the party. (I'll try to be batter about this in the future.)
Congrats for the silver! This story definitely deserves it, as it was one of my favorites out of the selection. Overall, I thought it was a solidly built piece with a good payoff. And I pretty much agree with the idea of putting more Twilights into the story; that seemed to be one of the major shortcomings of the story, though I know the blame can mostly be laid at the feet of the word limit.
One other thing I'd like to add is how very...Twilight this story sounds to me. I can easily see Twilight (or at least her old self) and her counterparts doing something like this over such a mundane thing, and points out some of the wild possibilities for a god-like being with her 'eccentricities'.
Again, great job and I look forward to seeing what you do with it.
Sorry about being really late for the party. (I'll try to be batter about this in the future.)
Congrats for the silver! This story definitely deserves it, as it was one of my favorites out of the selection. Overall, I thought it was a solidly built piece with a good payoff. And I pretty much agree with the idea of putting more Twilights into the story; that seemed to be one of the major shortcomings of the story, though I know the blame can mostly be laid at the feet of the word limit.
One other thing I'd like to add is how very...Twilight this story sounds to me. I can easily see Twilight (or at least her old self) and her counterparts doing something like this over such a mundane thing, and points out some of the wild possibilities for a god-like being with her 'eccentricities'.
Again, great job and I look forward to seeing what you do with it.