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Really, I'm just bad at this.
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Original Short Story
23rd
51%
213
Fio
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FiM Minific
15th
71%
146
Where the Sun Goes When it Sets
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51st
55%
98
Float On
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56
Bit Too Literal
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38
It's Never Too Late to Say Sorry
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Original Minific
28th
25%
26
See You, Math Cowboy
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17
The Party is Over
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5
All In for Sugar Cookies
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Original Minific
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Мэй Bae
#21359 · 5
·
I voted on a prompt. May we all perish together.
#8556 · 3
· on Subject Theta 32
Given the prompt, this SCP(SPC??) format works very well. I also liked the cute touches of word choice edits and strike throughs to hammer home the author of the report. Well done.
#8633 · 3
·
And done with my slate!
#9402 · 3
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Bust of both worlds. Tiny aliens colonize Sunset Shimmer’s bacon bits, start an intermammary war.

I am not a good person or a strong one, I might steal this.
#14090 · 3
·
Welp, time to over think and over write things again.
#2141 · 2
·
It's in there. May the writeoff gods have mercy on my soul.
#2577 · 2
· on Мэй Bae
>>Hagdal Hohensalza
>>The_Letter_J
>>Icenrose
>>Baal Bunny

Ok, now that the prelims are over, I can finally chime in on these reviews and advice!

I can easily see the consensus here is a lack of backstory into the Overwatch lore hamstringed this from the start. I knew that was going to be an issue going in, and I did three drafts that tried to work that into the story, but I shot past the word limit hardcore each time. So I filed it down to JUST dialogue and actions, and then started on a fourth rebuild to add in some of those details back in and keep it under cap. It didn't work...or didn't work well enough.

The tie to the prompt was that time did not heal all wounds. Mei (from the Overwatch lore) is supposed to be a member of the original Overwatch organization that formed to combat the robot uprising. Things were just getting calmed down when she went into emergency cryo. All these years later, the new Overwatch(which is the current events of the game) has finally sent someone in to check the old station and finds her alive, but from Mei's perspective, things are right back where they left off even after 25 years.

That obviously did not make it through very strongly.

Well, that's okay. Now I know where to focus my efforts on bringing that out and make it clearer, so someone new to Overwatch can enjoy it without having to dig into the lore.

Thanks for the solid advice.
#8421 · 2
·
Placed my bets. Don't let me down here, fellas/fillies.
#8568 · 2
· on Home Sweet Home
That was a good twist. Very subtle.
#9244 · 2
· on Bit Too Literal · >>Xepher >>Monokeras
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>Monokeras
>>SPark
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Xepher
>>Shadowed_Song
>>Rao
>>Posh
Is that everybody? Yeah, I think that's everybody...

First of all, let me say thank you for reading this and giving me a moment of your attention and a comment. It would seem, rather unanimously, that I missed the payload here by a wide margin. But I tell you, I'm somewhat flummoxed here. As I mentioned in the Discord chat, I can't help but feel that there was a bit of overthinking going on here. I mean, it is likely my fault that that happened, but I'm really not sure WHY.

This started off with a simple idea: copy the basic Twilight Zone format of the old black and white TV show, hence the opener to set both that tone and lay the expectation groundwork. To me, the Twilight Zone was the show that explored the "clever" twist and bait & switch tropes of storytelling. It got a lot of legwork out of seeming to be smarter than it was by making the audience feel smart when they figured out what was going on. Outside of a few stand out episodes, however, it really wasn't all that good...but hey, nostalgia glasses will do that for you.

So I took a simple idea, that Sunset, a character that is known for going above and beyond for knowledge and power, would just assume that the things Celestia told her or taught her had deeper or hidden meanings. She was looking for subtext and expecting it to be there. Celestia's catch phrase sticks out in her mind as a possible source of hidden meaning, but she's never figured it out. But that's the kicker. There is no deeper meaning than what Sunset already knows: Celestia is the All-Mother and a big horse.

I mean, I start playing my hand right at the beginning. I state in the title that this story is a BIT TOO LITERAL. Right before Sunset's dream I point out that some phrases are just what they appear to be. Sunset merely thinks there is something deeper and dreams up being an actual little pony. Her sleep addled mind comes - albeit in a roundabout metaphorical way - to the conclusion that she should let go of what Celestia has said to her. To stop trying to find a deeper meaning that doesn't exist. It's holding her back, limiting her, "making her small." It's time to get on with her life and be with the people she calls friends.

Then the last line was a literal hat tip back to the Twilight Zone format and the 'last minute double twist ending' that a lot of the episodes had. A literal was-it-all-just-a-dream-or-was-it-real, duh duh DUH kind of deal. But that just served for greater confusion, apparently. My wordsmithery needs more practice it seems. Plus the original version was over 1000 words long, I tried to trim just fluff out of it, but I think I might have snipped that context too, somehow.

I know this is starting to sound like bitter grapes and bitching, and I really don't mean it to. I value all of your opinions and feedback, but as each of these comments came in, I just kept thinking, c'mon this isn't that hard or deep...

Sorry.