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No Boys Allowed
In a small but luxurious home in Canterlot, a very important message was posted on the door to a filly's bedroom. A sign written out in the the big block letters of a child's hornwriting clearly stated:
Unfortunately, one little resident of the home hadn't quite mastered his reading skills yet. The small purple drakeling jumped up and down, foreclaws reaching for the handle – a technique he had begun practicing often recently – hoping to get inside.
Spike's efforts were foiled when he was surrounded by a gentle golden glow and lifted up – elation! – and away – misery! – from his goal. He reached forward with both arms for the door, but was only rewarded by tumbling over in mid-air, coming face-to-face with the blue stallion that had picked him up. "Want mommy," Spike grumped.
"Aww, c'mon, kiddo," the dragon's adoptive father said. "Your mom and Twilight are having girl time together," Night Light scrunched up his face, "you don't want to be a part of that."
It may have been the wrong tack to try, as Spike (now-righted, and on his father's back) crossed his arms and frowned. "Want girl time," he declared.
"How about some father-son boy time instead! We can go play with your forelegos, or your new monster cart!" Night Light punctuated that with a low tone and menacing gesture.
"No boys! Twi have girl time," Spike explained, "want girl time too."
Night Light, ever the supportive parent, had no choice but to acquiesce. Truth be told, he had no idea what his wife and daughter did on days like this. He supposed he would just have to wing it. If only he had been a pegasus...
Wait, no, that was a Dad joke. Those probably weren't suited for girl time.
Making it out of the hallway and into the master bedroom, Night Light deposited his son onto his bed. "Alright, you little scamp, you win. You're just too cute for me to disagree with, so I suppose we can have some father-son..." It took a gulp to finish the thought. "Girl time. You're just lucky Shining Armor isn't around to tease the two of us," he finished with a wink.
Spike, for his part, simply applauded happily.
"So what kind of girly thing do you want to do first? We could have a tea party," Night Light offered, levitating some teacups that had been left out on his dresser.
Spike looked ponderous at the suggestion.
"Maybe play with some dollies?" This prompted a frown.
Night Light glanced around the room, looking for inspiration. Spike did the same – not quite as intentionally – and it was he who struck gold first.
Literally. The young dragon's gaze locked onto a beautiful, jewel-encrusted tiara belonging to his mother, set out on a jewelry stand. "Pretty," he stated, uselessly reaching towards it.
"Oh-ho. Now there's an idea." Night Light hefted Spike up and carried him to the dresser. "Do you want to play dress-up?" he asked, plucking the tiara and placing it on his son's head.
"Dressies! Pretty!" Spike cheered.
"Night Light! I'm going to get started on dinner, do you know if Shining—" Twilight Velvet's voice abruptly stopped as she entered her bedroom.
"Mommy!" an ambulant pile of gold and gems wrapped up in one of her shawls greeted her, dropping the ruby necklace that her husband was trying to wrestle out of its mouth. Her husband who was, for the record, wearing a rather fetching pink dress, striped socks, and had his mane brushed down and crimped. And, as of this second, sporting an incredible blush.
Velvet lifted up her child, carefully separating some of the looser pieces of jewelry and setting them aside. "And what exactly is going on here, my lovely family?"
Night Light sputtered, trying to find a way to explain that didn't sound like something he would need to take his son to therapy for in ten years. "Well, uh, dear, you see... Spike was kind of... jealous of you and Twilight, so..."
"Girl time!" Spike helpfully clarified, waving around various bracelets. "Daddy pretty." He gave a sage nod.
"Very good, Spike," Velvet said, giving her son a pat. "Your father is very pretty like that."
Night Light had thought his cheeks were flushed before. He was wrong.
Twilight Velvet leaned in towards her husband and whispered, "How about after we get the tykes into bed tonight, we have some 'girl time' of our own?"
NO BOYS ALLOWED
Unfortunately, one little resident of the home hadn't quite mastered his reading skills yet. The small purple drakeling jumped up and down, foreclaws reaching for the handle – a technique he had begun practicing often recently – hoping to get inside.
Spike's efforts were foiled when he was surrounded by a gentle golden glow and lifted up – elation! – and away – misery! – from his goal. He reached forward with both arms for the door, but was only rewarded by tumbling over in mid-air, coming face-to-face with the blue stallion that had picked him up. "Want mommy," Spike grumped.
"Aww, c'mon, kiddo," the dragon's adoptive father said. "Your mom and Twilight are having girl time together," Night Light scrunched up his face, "you don't want to be a part of that."
It may have been the wrong tack to try, as Spike (now-righted, and on his father's back) crossed his arms and frowned. "Want girl time," he declared.
"How about some father-son boy time instead! We can go play with your forelegos, or your new monster cart!" Night Light punctuated that with a low tone and menacing gesture.
"No boys! Twi have girl time," Spike explained, "want girl time too."
Night Light, ever the supportive parent, had no choice but to acquiesce. Truth be told, he had no idea what his wife and daughter did on days like this. He supposed he would just have to wing it. If only he had been a pegasus...
Wait, no, that was a Dad joke. Those probably weren't suited for girl time.
Making it out of the hallway and into the master bedroom, Night Light deposited his son onto his bed. "Alright, you little scamp, you win. You're just too cute for me to disagree with, so I suppose we can have some father-son..." It took a gulp to finish the thought. "Girl time. You're just lucky Shining Armor isn't around to tease the two of us," he finished with a wink.
Spike, for his part, simply applauded happily.
"So what kind of girly thing do you want to do first? We could have a tea party," Night Light offered, levitating some teacups that had been left out on his dresser.
Spike looked ponderous at the suggestion.
"Maybe play with some dollies?" This prompted a frown.
Night Light glanced around the room, looking for inspiration. Spike did the same – not quite as intentionally – and it was he who struck gold first.
Literally. The young dragon's gaze locked onto a beautiful, jewel-encrusted tiara belonging to his mother, set out on a jewelry stand. "Pretty," he stated, uselessly reaching towards it.
"Oh-ho. Now there's an idea." Night Light hefted Spike up and carried him to the dresser. "Do you want to play dress-up?" he asked, plucking the tiara and placing it on his son's head.
"Dressies! Pretty!" Spike cheered.
"Night Light! I'm going to get started on dinner, do you know if Shining—" Twilight Velvet's voice abruptly stopped as she entered her bedroom.
"Mommy!" an ambulant pile of gold and gems wrapped up in one of her shawls greeted her, dropping the ruby necklace that her husband was trying to wrestle out of its mouth. Her husband who was, for the record, wearing a rather fetching pink dress, striped socks, and had his mane brushed down and crimped. And, as of this second, sporting an incredible blush.
Velvet lifted up her child, carefully separating some of the looser pieces of jewelry and setting them aside. "And what exactly is going on here, my lovely family?"
Night Light sputtered, trying to find a way to explain that didn't sound like something he would need to take his son to therapy for in ten years. "Well, uh, dear, you see... Spike was kind of... jealous of you and Twilight, so..."
"Girl time!" Spike helpfully clarified, waving around various bracelets. "Daddy pretty." He gave a sage nod.
"Very good, Spike," Velvet said, giving her son a pat. "Your father is very pretty like that."
Night Light had thought his cheeks were flushed before. He was wrong.
Twilight Velvet leaned in towards her husband and whispered, "How about after we get the tykes into bed tonight, we have some 'girl time' of our own?"
Nice, solid writing and enjoyable story here.
The only part that felt off was when the story made the sudden leap from an Everyone to a Teen rating at the very end there.
The only part that felt off was when the story made the sudden leap from an Everyone to a Teen rating at the very end there.
This was sweet and cute. Night Light as supporting parent was spot on, and Spike was adorable.
I really don't have much I can say here, just that I liked it.
I really don't have much I can say here, just that I liked it.
That centered text threw me off for a second, but the rest of the story is downright adorable.This was delicious fluff from beginning to end.
And speaking of endings, while the suggestive send-off didn't bother me, I do feel ther could've been ways of better conveying that same idea while still fitting with the overall innocent tone of the story.
I just really liked this, it was the right mix of sweet and funny that I enjoy, and left me wanting more in a good way.
And speaking of endings, while the suggestive send-off didn't bother me, I do feel ther could've been ways of better conveying that same idea while still fitting with the overall innocent tone of the story.
I just really liked this, it was the right mix of sweet and funny that I enjoy, and left me wanting more in a good way.
Very cute. Well executed, too, though I am surprised Spike didn't actually manage to eat some of the gems. Oh, well.
Like Zaid, the last paragraph did not bother me but it did interrupt me enough that I thought about it. The POV at first seems to be Spike ("elation!" "misery!") before firmly becoming Night Light's. Were it immediately apparent that it was Night Light narrating, making the story about him dealing with being a parent, the story might feel a tad more mature and make the last paragraph more acceptable.
The usage of ponderous is technically correct. He is pondering. What I understood though was the "slow and clumsy because of great weight" definition when I first read it and was forced to reread the sentence.
Like Zaid, the last paragraph did not bother me but it did interrupt me enough that I thought about it. The POV at first seems to be Spike ("elation!" "misery!") before firmly becoming Night Light's. Were it immediately apparent that it was Night Light narrating, making the story about him dealing with being a parent, the story might feel a tad more mature and make the last paragraph more acceptable.
The usage of ponderous is technically correct. He is pondering. What I understood though was the "slow and clumsy because of great weight" definition when I first read it and was forced to reread the sentence.
Genre: Comedy/(auto)biography(?)
Thoughts: Dear Author, please get out of my house. You have told a witty recap of my experience raising some rather nontraditonal kids. Also, the promise of later "girl time" is unfair given your unlikely willingness to follow through. Shame on you. (lol jk or am I...)
OK in all seriousness, this nailed it in every way except possibly the closing line, which fit the setting in the larger sense but which was a mismatch for the overall tone, as my esteemed colleague >>Moosetasm so cromulently pointed out. But that's basically the only nit I can pick here. The story is simple but effective; the comedy is spot-on; the prose is a delight to read; the dad joke is bona-fide. Go put this on FimFiction and I would have no objections to faving it.
Tier: Top Contender
Thoughts: Dear Author, please get out of my house. You have told a witty recap of my experience raising some rather nontraditonal kids. Also, the promise of later "girl time" is unfair given your unlikely willingness to follow through. Shame on you. (lol jk or am I...)
OK in all seriousness, this nailed it in every way except possibly the closing line, which fit the setting in the larger sense but which was a mismatch for the overall tone, as my esteemed colleague >>Moosetasm so cromulently pointed out. But that's basically the only nit I can pick here. The story is simple but effective; the comedy is spot-on; the prose is a delight to read; the dad joke is bona-fide. Go put this on FimFiction and I would have no objections to faving it.
Tier: Top Contender
This story did not end up gelling well with me.
I found Spike's speech to be less like a toddler's, and more like… Hulk? There is a definite green-smash feel to some of his wording. "Twi have girl time, want girl time too," is something I can very vividly imagine a sulking Hulk saying.
And then… we entered fetish territory. The moment dresses were brought up I got a sinking suspicion, but then we got full on blushes and promises of, let's call it what it is, fetish sex. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind fetishes in general, but if you start by selling a story as a cute toddler adventure, maybe don't end with plans for bumping uglies?
PS. "forelegos?"
PPS. So wait, what is the prompt connection here? Twilight's room being off limits => Twilight Zone? So dressing up => entering The Twilight Zone? I am confuse.
I found Spike's speech to be less like a toddler's, and more like… Hulk? There is a definite green-smash feel to some of his wording. "Twi have girl time, want girl time too," is something I can very vividly imagine a sulking Hulk saying.
And then… we entered fetish territory. The moment dresses were brought up I got a sinking suspicion, but then we got full on blushes and promises of, let's call it what it is, fetish sex. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind fetishes in general, but if you start by selling a story as a cute toddler adventure, maybe don't end with plans for bumping uglies?
PS. "forelegos?"
PPS. So wait, what is the prompt connection here? Twilight's room being off limits => Twilight Zone? So dressing up => entering The Twilight Zone? I am confuse.
Okay, I loved the "Dad joke" bit, and the overall tone shows a loving and supportive father. But...
Spike's language feels more "hulk" than toddler. Granted, not every kid developer language in quite the same way, but "Twi have girl time, want girl time too" shows an understanding of compound sentence structure that usually comes well after the use of pronouns. Likewise, almost all toddlers I've been around use "-y" nicknames. Twily, not just "Twi." So "Twily get girl time. I want girl time!" would sound better, IMHO. Similarly, the "elation!" and "misery!" bits showing emotional glimpse stick as there's nothing similar later for other things (like seeing the tiara.)
Secondly, the reasoning for Spike's demand is unclear. He wants girl time, but it's not shown that he knows the difference between that and "boy time." It'd be better if it's clearer. That Twilight is having a tea party, or that her mom is helping her play dress up, or more practically, get ready for a school dance or something. Then he wants the same. Or maybe he just likes pretty (or shiny) and wants that. At the end of the day, I think this story is trying to show that boys can want girly things too. But... that makes the age-old mistake of assuming some things are inherently girly or boyish, rather than showing that people/ponies/dragons just like what they like, and explain those reasons instead.
Lastly, as others have mentioned, there's some fetish vibes this puts off. Which are then basically confirmed by the ending. It plays less as "let kids decide their own interests" and more like Night Light already had something going on in the cross-dressing department.
Overall, I like what I think this story was trying to do, and there are some good moments in it, but there's enough awkwardness that it doesn't make top tier for me.
Spike's language feels more "hulk" than toddler. Granted, not every kid developer language in quite the same way, but "Twi have girl time, want girl time too" shows an understanding of compound sentence structure that usually comes well after the use of pronouns. Likewise, almost all toddlers I've been around use "-y" nicknames. Twily, not just "Twi." So "Twily get girl time. I want girl time!" would sound better, IMHO. Similarly, the "elation!" and "misery!" bits showing emotional glimpse stick as there's nothing similar later for other things (like seeing the tiara.)
Secondly, the reasoning for Spike's demand is unclear. He wants girl time, but it's not shown that he knows the difference between that and "boy time." It'd be better if it's clearer. That Twilight is having a tea party, or that her mom is helping her play dress up, or more practically, get ready for a school dance or something. Then he wants the same. Or maybe he just likes pretty (or shiny) and wants that. At the end of the day, I think this story is trying to show that boys can want girly things too. But... that makes the age-old mistake of assuming some things are inherently girly or boyish, rather than showing that people/ponies/dragons just like what they like, and explain those reasons instead.
Lastly, as others have mentioned, there's some fetish vibes this puts off. Which are then basically confirmed by the ending. It plays less as "let kids decide their own interests" and more like Night Light already had something going on in the cross-dressing department.
Overall, I like what I think this story was trying to do, and there are some good moments in it, but there's enough awkwardness that it doesn't make top tier for me.
My daughter is only capable of screaming, so I don't have a huge basis for saying this, but yeah, Spike's dialogue doesn't read child to me. It reads someone trying to write a child. That said, I could be totally offbase here.
Beyond that, I think this story suffers a little from it being unclear what sort of story it is. Is this about Spike? Night Light? Neither? Both? It doesn't particularly feels like it picks out a narrative arc, and I think this is part of why the last line is so weird for people. The story seems to start as something about a young Spike just wanting to be a kid, but it transfers into being about Night Light dealing with being embarrassed (or sexy) in mare's clothing.
That said, I don't register the fetishy read (too much, at least), but is probably worth noting those complaints.
Beyond that, I think this story suffers a little from it being unclear what sort of story it is. Is this about Spike? Night Light? Neither? Both? It doesn't particularly feels like it picks out a narrative arc, and I think this is part of why the last line is so weird for people. The story seems to start as something about a young Spike just wanting to be a kid, but it transfers into being about Night Light dealing with being embarrassed (or sexy) in mare's clothing.
That said, I don't register the fetishy read (too much, at least), but is probably worth noting those complaints.
"Forelegos" is a forced pun even by pony standards, and the age bracket shift in the punchline is a bit off-putting. Those points aside, this was a delightful story. We don't get nearly enough of Spike's interactions with the other members of Twilight's family.
>>FanOfMostEverything
This and other comments have knocked the "forelegos" thing. I just want to go on the record as saying I found it delightful and I hope you keep it. It's a groan-worthy pun to be sure, but I would argue that it fits the milieu for that very reason.
This and other comments have knocked the "forelegos" thing. I just want to go on the record as saying I found it delightful and I hope you keep it. It's a groan-worthy pun to be sure, but I would argue that it fits the milieu for that very reason.
>>CoffeeMinion
Ditto. And even if you get rid of it, I'll make sure it lives on, it's the appropriate kind of groan inducing and heartwarming.
I just want to go on the record as saying I found it delightful and I hope you keep it.
Ditto. And even if you get rid of it, I'll make sure it lives on, it's the appropriate kind of groan inducing and heartwarming.
Adorable baby Spike shenanigans with a healthy dollop of headcanon Night Light, and a dad joke that had me chortling like a babbeh boy. I'm gonna stay neutral on #ForelegoGate, but add my voice to those complaining about the tone shift at the very end.
With the addendum that I really don't like how "girl time" changes meaning at the end. I think it raises some very unfortunate and unintended implications, given how it's used throughout the rest of the story. This story's a cute little G-rated, fun-for-the-whole family romp of defying gender roles, and I'm uncomfortable with it straying too far from that wheelhouse. Maybe she smooches him and says something like "maybe you can have girl time with Twilight next week, and I can play with the forelegos."
0/10.
With the addendum that I really don't like how "girl time" changes meaning at the end. I think it raises some very unfortunate and unintended implications, given how it's used throughout the rest of the story. This story's a cute little G-rated, fun-for-the-whole family romp of defying gender roles, and I'm uncomfortable with it straying too far from that wheelhouse. Maybe she smooches him and says something like "maybe you can have girl time with Twilight next week, and I can play with the forelegos."
0/10.
>>Posh
Yaaassss, this is what the ending needs.*
*Posh definitely did not pay me to agree with this suggestion.
Maybe she smooches him and says something like "maybe you can have girl time with Twilight next week
Yaaassss, this is what the ending needs.*
*Posh definitely did not pay me to agree with this suggestion.
>>CoffeeMinion Of course not. I don't need to pay people to agree with me.
I'm just naturally always right.
I'm just naturally always right.