Ok, first review of my slate! Let's do this.

The Meaning of Being Dead

It is immediately apparent that this story is set in the future. Oh, and Twilight is apparently without a body now. The natural and obvious question here is "What happened?" This was handled well enough, hinted at once in the text before being stated outright via the plaque on the statue.

As for her friends, Rainbow has grown old, but she's apparently not the only one left ("Friends" is plural).

And, well, friends visit me here regularly...

It's kind of tough seeing everything that defines Rainbow Dash being taken from her bit by bit, but like she said, she can still teach. Besides, any complaints she could potentially raise wouldn't really hold that much water when compared against Twilight's situation.

From here we make the smooth transition from the history to the message. I'll have to admit, it's definitely a message I can get behind, even a message I've come to believe myself during a dark time in my life. It was one of the few things that kept me going. We can't chose what happens to us, but we can choose how to respond. Would I have chosen to be bullied? Of course not. But I did gain a strong sense of empathy from my experiences that I'm positive I wouldn't have developed otherwise. I'd probably be opinionated and oblivious to the situations of others without my past, however painful.

But now I'm just being sentimental.

I'm penciling this one in solidly in the top half.

You know, I really want to see Twilight read that AK Yearling autograph now. "To Twilight Sparkle. I never figured I would outlive my biggest fan. -DD"

As I do every round, I want to offer a reminder of the importance of a strong hook. The first sentence or two has an outsized effect on how much I'm predisposed to like your story. Show some flash! Catch my attention! Make me trust that my time is in good hands!

In the Writeoffs especially, when a story's first sentence wanders (or, worse, starts out with errors), I find myself going into aggressive critique mode rather than reading for enjoyment, and if I don't enjoy your story it drifts down my slate. In minific Writeoffs, all the more so, because you literally only get 1-2 minutes to recover from that first impression.

Let's take a look here:

As the caretaker shut the doors of the former Canterlot library behind her, Rainbow stretched her old, tired bones. Ahead of her, a magnificent garden took up most of the floor space; in its center, a statue. Bookshelves lined the walls, and stairs led to higher floors.

"Um... Twi? Hello?" Rainbow asked.

Boo! a playful voice sounded in her head. Grinning, Rainbow turned around.

(That was 64 words. Remember: Having read those, I'm already ten percent done with your story.)

This isn't a bad opening -- it establishes some crucial facts through showing. Rainbow's old, something's strange about Twilight, and whatever it is isn't a shock to Dash. However, look at how far I had to quote to reach two of those three key facts, and look at what stands in the way before you get there. The caretaker is established as a key character (they're literally in the first sentence! This is what you're telling me to expect from your story!) before virtually disappearing. And there are two full sentences of scenery. I would aggressively pare those down, or work that exposition into the story later, after you set your hook.

(Also problematic, though not for pacing reasons: It's unclear from the first sentence whether Dash is entering or leaving the former Canterlot library. Given that the next sentence shows a garden and statue, I initially interpreted it as a departure, and had to stop and reread.)

Credit, though, for a nice illustration that a strong hook doesn't necessarily require conflict. "'Boo!' a playful voice sounded in her head" catches attention because it's a departure from the status quo: how is Twilight doing that? (I wouldn't put Dash being old in the same category, because while it's also breaking show status quo, it's too common of a trope to have any teeth on its own. It's more of a crucial bit of scene-setting to ground the story in time.)

Overall, I think your hook would be stronger here if you found a way to lead straight in with your premise. Twilight being a ghost is the most interesting thing about your story: why not grab readers with it up front? It can also work to establish a common-looking scenario and then use your premise as a micro-twist to immediately subvert it, but if you're going to do that, lead off both with the scenario (walking into a library) and something off about the scenario -- a question which your twist answers. It doesn't quite work here because the interaction with Twilight doesn't immediately relate to the caretaker and the statue until much later, when we're given context as to why those are important. You might be able to use Rainbow's expectations to signal that something is different -- "It was unnaturally silent; it wasn't like Twilight not to greet her immediately" or some such. (A secondary benefit of doing that is that it would set up Twilight's first line.)

I'll stop there because this analysis is already longer than the story, but I'm providing it in hopes that it's good general advice.

Anyway, once past the hook ... overall, this was on a bit of a slow burn, but once I was able to settle into its story, it definitely had an engaging core idea. The ending was dissatisfyingly rushed. I suspect this wanted more room to breathe; I could easily see it being a short story rather than a minific, and that might have given it space to close out its character arcs. If it drifts down my rankings as I read, that'll be the reason why: this doesn't feel complete and self-contained as written, and I have to judge stories here based on how well they work as stand-alone works.

Tier: Almost There

It's funny, because while I overall think Horizon raises a lot of good points, I really disagree with the idea that this should be "off" or in any way creepy or weird at the beginning. Although this has a Twilight Zone kind of premise in some ways, it doesn't feel to me like that's its strength, it feels to me like the real core of it is the sweetness of the interaction between friends, and also the sweetness of Twilight's reasons for hanging around. It feels very true to the spirit (ha ha!) of the show, and I like that.

This is actually very near the top of my list, right now.

A sweet, thoughtful meditation on one’s changing role as time marches on. Even in Equestria, your life’s purpose is what you make of it. Even when “life” is being used loosely. (Though I do have to wonder whether Daring Do is still adventuring given the injuries she’d racked up before Dash was ever in the ‘Bolts.) Nice work.

That's a big yes for me.

>>horizon raised many good points but I disagree with many of them for your story.

I was hooked with the first sentences he quoted. Indeed, because any entry can take place in any time and any space, the first sentence tells us immediately where we are and somehow, when. The little description that follows let the reader breath to take in those two informations. And then, the 'dialog' that follows told us that there is a 'problem' with Twilight, a problem explained later in the fic in a really good way, not too subtle, not too straightforward.

And the message that the story delivers is really clear and is one I fully agree with. This is very subjective but it still makes it to the top tier.

Also, if you decide to rework it and post it on FimFic, I would like to read it.

I'm capable of reading books wherever they are in the library, anyway.

Wow, how convenient of you to announce that for anyone who happened to be in the audience, Twilight!

They say it is so peaceful... and that all the things we've lost can be found there.

So it's like... under the sofa cushions in the basement? Does the afterlife also smell vaguely of mold?

Fourty-two.

j/k, but srsly. One of these days, someone's going to call me out on asking for themes in stories and then not liking any of the ones I find. :P As far as I can tell, Dash is asking something equivalent to: 'Why don't you just kill yourself, Twilight?' And Twilight's sorta non-answer is basically: 'Because I still enjoy being alive, so STFU.' Maybe dealing with depression has left me a little jaded, but I'd say it's plenty easy to find reasons for being alive as long as you're enjoying yourself.

I think I'd prefer a story about what gives someone hope when death genuinely seems like a better option.

The trick with exposition dialogue is to make it natural. They need to have a reason to bring things up and it should be a good one. So, for example.

Oh, throw them onto that pile near the door. I'm capable of reading books wherever they are in the library, anyway. And the caretaker will shelve them at the nearest opportunity. She really enjoys organizing books...

It's been heavily implied that Twilight's been dead a while since they both seem pretty used to this, so Rainbow should -already- know this or have some idea of it. There's really no reason for Twilight to tell Dash this. Moreover, digging into slightly more technical things, this information also isn't super useful. We can assume a lot about ghosts to begin with, and poltergeists generally have some manipulation abilities, AND Dash brought her something that requires activity on her part, so we can somewhat safely assume Twilight, in some form or another, can read the books (otherwise you might expect something like Dash offering to read them to her. Finally, this actually plays very little role in the story itself.

Another example!

"I-I've gotten over it! I still teach at the academy, and give guest lectures at schools sometimes. And what... about you?" she asked, carefully. "Don't you sometimes... regret what happened years ago?"

So this one is a bit weird, but bear with me. Rainbow is asking the wrong question. Her concern deals with her own impairment and inability to do what she used to do. However, the question she asks is actually a bit of a non-sequitor, since it asks about her death, not her impaired life. This allows you to squeeze in additional information about Twilight's death, but it comes at the cost of dampening the tightness of what should be an emotionally fraught conversation. And the thing is, we don't really need to know how Twilight died (particularly in detail, like the ash stuff). It again diverts focus from the heart of the conversation.

And it's to the story's detriment, I think, since it ends up leading to their conversation... never really feeling like it links up. They always feel like their talking a bit past each other, which... I think is fair, because their two experiences aren't actually comparable. Admittedly, Twilight is a spooky ghost and can't interact in a lot of familiar ways, but she... kinda still has her passion. She can read. She can teach. These were things central to her identity.

Rainbow Dash has lost the ability to really do the thing she was passionate about.

So that's a big issue as well.

I actually think that the (admittedly unnatural) expository dialogue can work, if one assumes that Rainbow Dash doesn't get to visit Twilight all that often. You know how it is with acquaintances that you never talk to anymore; you cover the same topics of conversation that you've already done multiple times, because it's all still relatively fresh to you.

And that seems like the kind of detail that Rainbow would forget, partly because they never talk, and partly because Rainbow is just naturally a very stupid pony, and it doesn't pertain to any of her natural interests: flying, Daring Do, and ignoring Scootaloo.

I do wish there had been more of a reason for Rainbow to randomly engage Twilight in a conversation about death. The subtext would kind of suggest that she's feeling death's clammy hand on her shoulder, the older she gets. Maybe that's what prompted her to drop by in the first place?

I haven't been giving scores for this round, but if I absolutely had to give one to this story... I'd probably give it a solid 8/10. Million. F.

Nah, just kidding. It's neat. An awkwardly structured conversation, but some good content regardless.

I'm okay with Rainbow asking why Twilight sticks around. Life is natural, but the state Twilight is in certainly doesn't seem to be. She doesn't appear to be in any pain or really inconvenienced, but it seems fair to wonder why someone wouldn't want to move on to the (allegedly) better side.

Though I certainly understand >>Not_A_Hat's reading of it.

I kind of got a weird "All Dogs Go to Heaven" vibe off of this, which certainly isn't a bad thing.

Hmm... First impressions and second impressions. Normally they don't vary much for me. This one drops slightly on the second pass though, but... mostly for technical reasons. Overall, I like the idea. It's a fairly unique premise, with the ghostly existence between normalized quickly in the story, rather than a tragic end or horrid twist. I also appreciate that the story does a good job showing a parallel between a "lesser" life as a ghost, and as a retired stunt-flier. It lives in this melancholy middle-ground, without going to the highs and lows most other stories rely on, and it does a pretty good job while there.

As mentioned, there are some technical problems, most called out by others already, but to reiterate, the few that stuck out to me were:

The opening... like horizon, I really thought Dash was leaving. I also thought she was the caretaker. That she'd gotten some gardening job in retirement. Having a garden and a statue mentioned, yet having it be indoors... work on that. Also, you describe the library has being lined with bookshelves. We know that. Don't waste precious opening paragraph words on telling us what a library looks like. Or, tell us what the room looks like, instead of naming it "library." But don't do both.

The statue and the plaque go against the overall vibe. It makes her death try to seem more epic. This story isn't about if it was worth it, it's about what her (half)life is like now. Don't side track.

Exposition: Others already hit most of this, but yeah... conversation needs to make sense for the characters, not just the audience.

All that said, this is still going pretty high on my list, as it feels both properly "pony" and properly "twilight zone."

The Meaning of Being JudgeDeadd

My original idea was to take the prompt literally. As in, "Twilight becomes a zone". Something happened in the past (never mind what, but it no doubt involved spectacular loss of life and property) and Twilight became an incorporeal, unphysical genius loci. It's been so many years that nobody remembers her name, but pilgrimages are still being made to drop off books inside The Meadow That Reads.

The idea then got simplified a bit. Now it was one of Twilight's friends who dutifully comes by every month or so to drop off books, and maybe to talk a bit. Twilight herself would "occupy" a gargantuan, splendidly decorated plaza the size of Ponyville (indeed, built on the ruins of Ponyville), with a tall tower in the middle filled with books. That's where I also introduced the idea of Twilight manifesting a ghostly avatar; this way she could make gestures, give meaningful looks, etc.

Then I pared it down even further. Now Twilight was just your regular ol' ghost, and instead of being tethered to some out-of-the-way spot far from civilization, she was occupying the Canterlot library. Several things which seem redundant or unnecessary for the story -- such as her "being able to read the books wherever they are", or a specific description of the bookshelves -- are basically leftovers from earlier concepts. Same goes for what >>AndrewRogue noticed, that Dash seems confused about where to put the books. Again, in the previous concept the idea was that the "library" (then, a tower) was built recently, and Dash wasn't yet entirely sure about where to put stuff.

I had the basic premise down, but I didn't really have any idea where I wanted to go with the story, so I drew on various scattershot concepts until--by coincidence--I found two that synergized quite well: Dash being old and no longer fit for stunt flying, and Twilight being basically a cripple in her current state.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be revisiting this story. In the end, the conversation between the characters feels pretty damn sappy; I think there's something off about the dialogue. Granted, it might also be how unnaturally fast the characters begin to discuss the value of life and death. (Oh 750 word limit, is there anything you can't do? You can force even loquacious sages to use contractions and call people by one-word nicknames; you can resolve any crisis or conflict in a single hastily written paragraph; and whenever necessary, you can take a conversation from a friendly hello to profound philosophizing at a breakneck pace...)

>>JudgeDeadd
Your original idea sounds pretty fantastic, if for no other reason than I love the term genius loci. I'd love to read something in that vein.

>>JudgeDeadd
I'd actually love to read an extended version of your original idea. I have a soft spot for fics set in an alternate future, and the idea of Twilight's spirit being bound to a giant library-esque zone (very clever prompt relevance by the way haha) is one that you could take a lot of interesting angles on.