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The Age Of Harmony
“Sister,” Luna began, poking Celestia in the flank. “We might have a problem.”
Celestia let out an ungainly ‘snerk’ ah her head jolted up from the pillow. Her horn flared with magic, lifting a sword into the air and she cast blearily around the dingy inn room. “Uh? Wha... Luna, what are you doing? It’s still dark out.”
Luna shot her a flat look. “You raise the sun.”
“Which means I know it’s too early.” Celestia shook her head, running a hoof through her tangled pink mane. “Urgh I can still taste the mead. What’s the problem, anyway, is Baron von Lich-y Pants invading again?”
“That wasn’t his name.”
Celestia shrugged. “Eh, they all blend into one. Okay, is it one of the Seven Princes bounty hunters?” Luna shook her head. “Another of Star Swirl’s lost empires invading again?” Luna cocked a brow. “What? It’s happened three times now. Okay, have any of the following returned: Sombra; Discord; Baltheon; Gorgoth; Tirek; Kerberos; Desolation; Timmat; Star Swirl’s evil twin or Chillmaw?”
“The seals remained strong last I checked.” Luna sighed and shook her head. “No, it seems that a large number of ponies have gathered outside.”
“Again?” Celestia flopped bonelessly back onto the straw mattress. “What’s set them off this time? I swear I haven’t slept with anypony’s son or daughter... without permission.”
Luna pursed her lips. “Perhaps I should show you. I’d suggest wearing your good armour.” Without another word she slipped out of the room.
“Urgh.” Celestia shot a dirty look out of the window at the predawn sky. With a sullen burst of magic she hefted the sun over the horizon. If she had to be up early the rest of the world would just have to suffer alongside her.
A few minutes later, her mane still a mess and her golden armour askew Celestia stepped out onto the inn’s narrow balcony. Her sister stood vigil there, her armour shining silver in the dawn light as she stared impassively at the crowd. As one, the assembled ponies dropped to their knees in a deep bow.
Celestia did a doubletake. “Well that’s never happened before. Hello, citizens of—” For a moment she wracked her brains trying to remember the name of the township and came up short. “—this fine land. How can I help you this morning?”
“And how much of a head start will we get this time,” Luna muttered.
“Excuse me, your Majesties,” a stallion near the front chimed in. “But we’re here to... swear fealty to you.”
Celestia blanched. “I’m sorry, I’m still a little hungover. WHAT!? Don’t you ponies have a lord for that already?”
“The lich killed him!” somepony at the back called out.
“An heir?”
“And her.”
“A constable?”
“It was very thorough.”
With a sigh Celestia shook her head. “Okay, well I guess I understand why you’re at a lose end. Still, my sister and I are sell swords. We're definitely not leadership material. I mean what about us suggests we should be lords of anything?”
There was a moment’s conferring. “Well, you are both alicorns,” the first stallion called out.
Celestia pressed a hoof against her head. “No. I’ve explained this far too many times now. The wings and horns are just a side-effect of wielding a couple to immensely powerful artifacts to overthrow Discord and his reign of...” She realised she might not be helping her case. “Nevermind, race is a terrible reason to chose your rulers.”
There was another round of muttering. “How about the immortality?”
“It's not immortality, I just haven’t aged for a while!” Celestia snapped. “And also not a good way of picking a ruler. Heck, if anything it makes things worse. Has anypony got any sensible reasons why I should be in charge?”
One of the foals raised a hoof. “Didn’t you just raise the sun?”
Celestia scowled, opened her mouth and spent a long moment trying to figure out the appropriate response to that.
“Does that make you a god?”
“Okay, fine,” she said, with a longsuffering sight. “We’ll help you, but only if you never mention the god thing again.”
The crowd erupted into wild cheering. Celestia rolled her eyes.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, sister?” Luna murmured.
Celestia shrugged. “Well you said you were tired to traipsing around the country. I wouldn’t worry though, I’m sure they’ll get bored of us in a year or two and chase us out of... of... Luna, what’s this Principality called again?”
“Equestria.”
Celestia let out an ungainly ‘snerk’ ah her head jolted up from the pillow. Her horn flared with magic, lifting a sword into the air and she cast blearily around the dingy inn room. “Uh? Wha... Luna, what are you doing? It’s still dark out.”
Luna shot her a flat look. “You raise the sun.”
“Which means I know it’s too early.” Celestia shook her head, running a hoof through her tangled pink mane. “Urgh I can still taste the mead. What’s the problem, anyway, is Baron von Lich-y Pants invading again?”
“That wasn’t his name.”
Celestia shrugged. “Eh, they all blend into one. Okay, is it one of the Seven Princes bounty hunters?” Luna shook her head. “Another of Star Swirl’s lost empires invading again?” Luna cocked a brow. “What? It’s happened three times now. Okay, have any of the following returned: Sombra; Discord; Baltheon; Gorgoth; Tirek; Kerberos; Desolation; Timmat; Star Swirl’s evil twin or Chillmaw?”
“The seals remained strong last I checked.” Luna sighed and shook her head. “No, it seems that a large number of ponies have gathered outside.”
“Again?” Celestia flopped bonelessly back onto the straw mattress. “What’s set them off this time? I swear I haven’t slept with anypony’s son or daughter... without permission.”
Luna pursed her lips. “Perhaps I should show you. I’d suggest wearing your good armour.” Without another word she slipped out of the room.
“Urgh.” Celestia shot a dirty look out of the window at the predawn sky. With a sullen burst of magic she hefted the sun over the horizon. If she had to be up early the rest of the world would just have to suffer alongside her.
A few minutes later, her mane still a mess and her golden armour askew Celestia stepped out onto the inn’s narrow balcony. Her sister stood vigil there, her armour shining silver in the dawn light as she stared impassively at the crowd. As one, the assembled ponies dropped to their knees in a deep bow.
Celestia did a doubletake. “Well that’s never happened before. Hello, citizens of—” For a moment she wracked her brains trying to remember the name of the township and came up short. “—this fine land. How can I help you this morning?”
“And how much of a head start will we get this time,” Luna muttered.
“Excuse me, your Majesties,” a stallion near the front chimed in. “But we’re here to... swear fealty to you.”
Celestia blanched. “I’m sorry, I’m still a little hungover. WHAT!? Don’t you ponies have a lord for that already?”
“The lich killed him!” somepony at the back called out.
“An heir?”
“And her.”
“A constable?”
“It was very thorough.”
With a sigh Celestia shook her head. “Okay, well I guess I understand why you’re at a lose end. Still, my sister and I are sell swords. We're definitely not leadership material. I mean what about us suggests we should be lords of anything?”
There was a moment’s conferring. “Well, you are both alicorns,” the first stallion called out.
Celestia pressed a hoof against her head. “No. I’ve explained this far too many times now. The wings and horns are just a side-effect of wielding a couple to immensely powerful artifacts to overthrow Discord and his reign of...” She realised she might not be helping her case. “Nevermind, race is a terrible reason to chose your rulers.”
There was another round of muttering. “How about the immortality?”
“It's not immortality, I just haven’t aged for a while!” Celestia snapped. “And also not a good way of picking a ruler. Heck, if anything it makes things worse. Has anypony got any sensible reasons why I should be in charge?”
One of the foals raised a hoof. “Didn’t you just raise the sun?”
Celestia scowled, opened her mouth and spent a long moment trying to figure out the appropriate response to that.
“Does that make you a god?”
“Okay, fine,” she said, with a longsuffering sight. “We’ll help you, but only if you never mention the god thing again.”
The crowd erupted into wild cheering. Celestia rolled her eyes.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, sister?” Luna murmured.
Celestia shrugged. “Well you said you were tired to traipsing around the country. I wouldn’t worry though, I’m sure they’ll get bored of us in a year or two and chase us out of... of... Luna, what’s this Principality called again?”
“Equestria.”
This could use some more polishing, as I don’t find the characterizations to be entirely consistent and some of the jokes feel stretched. As it stands, it’s a cute little bit of swords and farcery and worth a chuckle.
I somehow get strong Fafhrd and Gray Mouser vibe here, with a bit of modern deconstruction thrown in. By the way, a Fafhrd and Gray Mouser crossover is something I'm still missing sorely.
My questionable taste in crossovers aside, I liked this. I have a soft spot for the genre, truth be told, so I may not be completely objective here. I liked it, I appreciated the jokes, the admission that Equestria is (or was) a Deathworld and the cavalier way in which ponies treat the violent demise of their leaders. I noticed a couple of typos, but I generally don't count them against a story if they are not overwhelming.
You got a chuckle out of me and my mood improved reading it. Thanks for writing it.
My questionable taste in crossovers aside, I liked this. I have a soft spot for the genre, truth be told, so I may not be completely objective here. I liked it, I appreciated the jokes, the admission that Equestria is (or was) a Deathworld and the cavalier way in which ponies treat the violent demise of their leaders. I noticed a couple of typos, but I generally don't count them against a story if they are not overwhelming.
You got a chuckle out of me and my mood improved reading it. Thanks for writing it.
Why would Kerberos returning be a problem? Or was this before the sisters belly-rubbed him into taking on guard duty?
I saw where this was going from a mile away, but it still literally made me laugh out loud. It needs another pass to take care of some typos, but that barely detracts from the sheer fun. I’d love to see this expanded. ”Sister, about these trade proposals of yours…” “What? ‘Kill them and take their stuff’ has always worked for us up until now.”
I saw where this was going from a mile away, but it still literally made me laugh out loud. It needs another pass to take care of some typos, but that barely detracts from the sheer fun. I’d love to see this expanded. ”Sister, about these trade proposals of yours…” “What? ‘Kill them and take their stuff’ has always worked for us up until now.”
A few bits of this aren't quite English: I can't parse "she cast blearily around", for one example; mismatched prepositions for another. It's not a big problem, but you'll want a proofreader to assist you if you want to publish later.
I see this as almost-random comedy, so I don't expect much to fit with canon necessarily. I'm not sure setting this post-Discord seems realistic, though. Also, to make this seem like it fits FiM, it might help if we had a sense of why/how Celie's personality ends up changing over the years. Maybe an offhand comment from her that gives us a clue about how she'll change.
The last line isn't necessary: the reader realizes this is Equestria from the very beginning, so I wouldn't end on that. Ending the sentence "chase us out of..." would be better.
I see this as almost-random comedy, so I don't expect much to fit with canon necessarily. I'm not sure setting this post-Discord seems realistic, though. Also, to make this seem like it fits FiM, it might help if we had a sense of why/how Celie's personality ends up changing over the years. Maybe an offhand comment from her that gives us a clue about how she'll change.
The last line isn't necessary: the reader realizes this is Equestria from the very beginning, so I wouldn't end on that. Ending the sentence "chase us out of..." would be better.
>>Orbiting_kettle
Man, I'd so be up for a Fafhrd and Grey Mouser-esque pony story. I still need to hunt down two or three short story collection, on that note...
The Great
This is actually very much my style of fantasy. Sword and sorcery nonsense with just a little cheek. Just legitimately fun and got a smile out of me.
The Rough
Technically this needs some work. List should be using commas, not semicolons, the interrobang is kinda meh punctuation, etc.
This is one of those YMMV things, but even liking the story, it is really hard to ignore that this feels immensely OOC given what we know of their past. Basically, this strikes me as very AU, which is hard to deal with in less than a thousand words.
Man, I'd so be up for a Fafhrd and Grey Mouser-esque pony story. I still need to hunt down two or three short story collection, on that note...
The Great
This is actually very much my style of fantasy. Sword and sorcery nonsense with just a little cheek. Just legitimately fun and got a smile out of me.
The Rough
Technically this needs some work. List should be using commas, not semicolons, the interrobang is kinda meh punctuation, etc.
This is one of those YMMV things, but even liking the story, it is really hard to ignore that this feels immensely OOC given what we know of their past. Basically, this strikes me as very AU, which is hard to deal with in less than a thousand words.
Out of all the comic entries I've read so far, this is the only one that managed to get a chuckle out of me. I'd like to see this stretched out into something bigger.
Okay, I thought this was pretty damned funny.
The image of Luna and Celestia as troublemaking sell-swords constantly on the move (or on the run) tickles my funny bone. Especially given how averse to responsibility they seem to be. I'd really like to read more of this Two thumbs up! :)
The image of Luna and Celestia as troublemaking sell-swords constantly on the move (or on the run) tickles my funny bone. Especially given how averse to responsibility they seem to be. I'd really like to read more of this Two thumbs up! :)
Enjoyed - The Age of Harmony — A — Only lacking the Plus rating because of lack of final polish. A wonderful tale to tell to Twilight the next time she asks the *real* reason how Celestia and Luna became the heads of state. The feel is genuine and the flow just about perfect. And of course the Royal Sisters play off each other perfectly.
That was a nice piece of stuff. I definitely agree with OK about the Lankhmarish touch. I like Celestia’s portrayal here, though maybe the rowdy, rakish, bawdy young alicorn vein has definitely been tapped in before.
All in all, this was funny and enjoyable, even though, as others pointed out, it definitely needs a proofreading pass to be 100% clean.
All in all, this was funny and enjoyable, even though, as others pointed out, it definitely needs a proofreading pass to be 100% clean.
Hmm. There were a few Pythonesque comedy beats in here, and I laughed accordingly. But even though the story briefly presents a reason why these two can raise the sun and moon while still being mercenaries, I feel like it's too brief; it's going to take more justification to get me to suspend my disbelief.
Tier: Almost There
Tier: Almost There
>>CoffeeMinion I thought the same thing; a Holy Grail take on the early years of Lulu and Kaykay.
But I'm also going to point out how weird it is for the nigh-immortal, stellar-body-raising sister-duo to be mere sellswords journeying around the land, boinking the offspring of landowners and getting drunk on mead. Especially since this is after they used the Elephants of Harmony to off Discord, and after they've wracked up a body count of monsters from the netherverse.
Premise and execution are at odds, and that does kill a little bit of the comedic value to me.
Still worth a lol and a lmao, though. Maybe even a roflmao.
But I'm also going to point out how weird it is for the nigh-immortal, stellar-body-raising sister-duo to be mere sellswords journeying around the land, boinking the offspring of landowners and getting drunk on mead. Especially since this is after they used the Elephants of Harmony to off Discord, and after they've wracked up a body count of monsters from the netherverse.
Premise and execution are at odds, and that does kill a little bit of the comedic value to me.
Still worth a lol and a lmao, though. Maybe even a roflmao.
The Royal Sisters as mercenary troublemakers in their youth should be a giant series, starting from when they stumble wide-eyed into the world from their little hamlet or whatever.
Basically, please make this a 300,000 word sprawling epic, thanks
Basically, please make this a 300,000 word sprawling epic, thanks
>>Morning Sun
It needs to be an anthology of short stories. If the author (*wink* *wink*) had any interest in doing something like that, I would gladly contribute.
It needs to be an anthology of short stories. If the author (*wink* *wink*) had any interest in doing something like that, I would gladly contribute.
>>Orbiting_kettle Okay, so it turns out I don't have enough time to get a retrospective done today. For the record though I would be totally up for some kind of anthology/colab project about these two :D
>>billymorph
Well, let me know when you have time to talk about it. I think it would be an inordinate amount of fun to do that.
Well, let me know when you have time to talk about it. I think it would be an inordinate amount of fun to do that.