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Twilight Sparkle Lays An Egg
The morning sun shone gently through the thick curtains of the Canterlot castle guest bedroom as Twilight Sparkle stirred beneath the sheets. Sloth. It was a vice she had long missed, and spending a few leisurely days back in Canterlot with Celestia was just what she needed. Time to reconnect with her fellow princesses relaxed her nearly as well as spending time with her friends in the spa. Plus, she was going to play with Flurry Heart this afternoon, as Cadence had managed to ‘coincidentally’ schedule a trip to Canterlot too.
She took a quick peek between nearly closed eyelids to make sure Spike’s bed was empty, just in case. He had a dawn playdate with Flurry Heart down in the vast castle gardens, and since he was gone as scheduled, Princess Twilight Sparkle had a few more treasured moments to reign over her slumber before she had to get up for anything.
Still, the dream she had last night bothered her.
In the chaos and whirl of images, there had been some sort of cramping sensation, much worse than she had ever experienced before, and growing until it had vanished in the brief feeling of relief and emptiness. She had drifted back to sleep afterwards, but now that she was thinking about it, there was something damp on her hind legs, much the same as—
Oh, no. I haven’t wet the bed since I was a foal!
Twilight Sparkle fractionally shifted position in her cloud-soft bed, which was probably some sort of priceless antique which would never be able to be replaced after being soiled. Princess Celestia would be so upset, and everybody in Canterlot would know about her failure. Even Spike would be embarrassed, and he had not worn diapers in nearly a decade. Twilight screwed her eyes closed, trying not to look at the incriminating wet spot, but an unexpected bumping of a damp object around her hind legs made her eyes pop open regardless.
It was an egg.
She blinked.
It was still an egg. Much the same as the freshly laid chicken egg she had once collected for Fluttershy from her brood, it was slightly damp and glistening, but quite unlike the egg, it was a light violet in color and had her cutie mark emblazoned on the side. Also, quite unlike a chicken egg, it was huge, quite nearly the size of a—
Twilight blinked again. Not wanting to believe her traitorous eyes, she reached down with one forehoof and touched the foal-sized ovoid, feeling the blood-warmth of the impossible egg and giving it a nudge to evaluate its probable density.
It was unmistakably an egg.
In one regard, Twilight Sparkle was relieved she had not wet the bed.
In all other regards…
“Keep it together, Twilight,” she whispered. “There has to be a reason there’s an egg in your bed. Other than the obvious one, of course.”
She tucked her tail in against her damp nethers and tried not to think of how that huge object had theoretically managed to transit that narrow passage without waking her up. Even though it had. And somehow she had gone back to sleep afterwards. Until now.
Although pony reproduction had always been an uncomfortable topic for Twilight Sparkle, she was aware of the basics. The bare basics. The somewhat-sketchy process between mare-meets-colt and the delivery room had always been a topic she had avoided in her studies, except for foal development in the womb and infant care outside. The process of going from inside to outside, as well as the actual… act of reproduction, were much like a visual blind spot to her.
Still, she knew one thing for certain: ponies did not lay eggs.
Dragons laid eggs and hatched them by pouring dragonfire across them, thus triggering the magical process of birth. Birds laid eggs and hatched them by holding them close for several weeks as the little birds grew inside the shells. Lizards even laid eggs and hatched them on warm rocks where Celestia’s sun could incubate them.
Alicorns, however…
Twilight Sparkle had never seen nor heard about alicorns reproducing by way of eggs, but with such a small sample size and only two data points less than a thousand years old, it could have been missed. Celestia had been suspiciously vague about where Luna and she had come from, and claimed Cadence had been discovered as a foal. Twilight’s own experience with becoming an alicorn was singularly unique, as even Starswirl the Bearded had not been able to master the unfinished spell which had transformed her into an alicorn, so she had always thought of herself as an outlier, a data point on the graph outside of the line.
Still, she was part of the growing population. After nearly a thousand years of Equestria only knowing one alicorn, the world had adjusted to two, then three, and now four with little Flurry Heart. No, five. Twilight had forgotten to count herself again.
As a student, Twilight Sparkle had once asked Princess Celestia just why Cadence had come to be an alicorn. She said Harmony determined the number of alicorns needed, and if Harmony was concerned about upcoming troubles, more alicorns would appear to help deal with it.
The time frame between Cadence revealing her pregnancy and Flurry Heart’s sudden appearance was suspiciously short. When Twilight had asked why, all Cadence would do was smile and tell her, “Magic, Twilight.”
Twilight ran a hoof over the damp surface of the warm egg, shifting in her soiled bed in order to hold it closer. This could not be happening to her without a reason. The world was gaining a lot of alicorns in a hurry. There had to be something truly terrible out there which would need more magic to defeat it. The thought calmed her rapidly beating heart and made Twilight light up her horn to cast a life-detection spell on the warm egg.
As she suspected and feared, it was an alicorn. No, she was an alicorn.
Twilight took a deep breath. She was the Element of Magic, but this problem was no longer just hers. An infant alicorn could tip some unseen balance of power, preventing or causing untold devastation. Her own mother had once told her mares held the responsibility for making the world survive, as only mares could bring forth life. It was a great responsibility, but as much as Twilight thought she was not up to it, she had to be.
She leaned up to press her horn against the egg and whispered, “I don’t know if you can hear me in there, but your mother is right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
The egg felt cooler for some reason, and Twilight repeated the life-detection spell as before. An icy force seemed to slug her in the gut as the spell returned a fainter signal, indicating the life-force inside was failing.
“Oh, no,” she whispered, repeating the spell and finding the life it showed even fainter than before. The infant alicorn in the egg was fading fast. There was only one thing Twilight Sparkle could do, and it would have to be now!
The morning sun shone brightly into the Royal Breakfast Nook, blessing the breakfast table with its glory and illuminating the six place settings, even though only Celestia and Luna were present. The two sisters were giggling to each other as they shared the generous spread of breakfast items, although an interested observer would be unable to tell just what was so funny about their situation. The only clue to the topic of the ongoing unspoken conversation was a pair of golden bits sitting on an empty section of tablecloth, and the unusual mirth between the two royal pranksters.
With a glance over her shoulder at the risen sun, Celestia asked, “Neither of our two young protégées seem to be joining us yet? I know Cadence is busy with little Flurry Heart—”
“And Shining Armor,” added Luna with an additional giggle.
“—and Shining Armor,” admitted Celestia. “Still, I expected young Twilight to be here by now, no matter which way our wager goes.”
“Hmm…” Luna lit up her horn and concentrated. “Young Twilight Sparkle is no longer in the Dreaming. You don’t think she missed the egg when she awoke, do you?”
“Only if there was a book in her vicinity,” said Celestia with a smirk as she buttered a piece of toast. “Ah, here she comes now.”
The quiet clatter of hooves out in the hallway resolved into an alicorn princess as expected, only a somewhat older one who was carrying a young dragon on her back.
“Good morning, Auntie Celestia. Aunt Luna.” Princess Cadence beamed as she swept into the room and deposited Spike on the tallest chair at the table. “We left Shining Armor down in the garden with Flurry Heart, trying to make friends with the bunnies. Where’s Twilight?”
Both of the elder alicorns broke into laughter while Cadence sat down, shook her head, and looked down at where Spike was happily filling his plate. “Maybe you should go upstairs and check on Twilight, Spike. I think my aunts are pulling some sort of trick on her.”
“Us?” Both Celestia and Luna put on expressions of pure innocence marred only by mutual suppressed giggles, but Cadence was not buying it.
“Spill it.” Cadence gave her aunts a glare of pure cold steel. “Or I won’t let either of you foalsit Flurry Heart for a year.”
“‘Twas Celestia’s idea,” said Luna promptly.
“It was not!” countered Celestia. “You said you’ve never seen a pony so prone to panic fits, and I said Twilight Sparkle was the most clever pony since Clover.”
“Both true. Please pass the pancakes,” said Spike as he continued loading up his plate.
After moving the platter of pancakes over to Spike, Luna sighed. “We made a wager.”
“A small one,” clarified Celestia, pointing at the two bits on the table. “And we put an egg in Twilight’s bed this morning.”
“A large one,” said Luna with a giggle.
“An appropriately sized one,” said Celestia in her most serious voice. “Created out of our magic and crafted to appear as if it were—” she took a brief glance at where Spike was demolishing his pancakes “—laid by her in the morning hours.”
“With a most pertinent dream to go with it,” added Luna as she built her own stack of pancakes. “As well as the most clever enchantments upon the egg which I was able, including a mirroring spell in case she casts a life detection spell upon it to determine the contents. It will only last a short time, but she will undoubtedly consider the egg to be real because of the results and react appropriately.”
“Yes,” said Celestia with a sideways quirk to her lips. “Luna seems to think Twilight is so immature that she’ll come running to me in a panic.”
“And Celly thinks her student is so bright she’ll see right through our little trick,” added Luna.
Cadence soaked in the situation with a long, slow nod, looking back and forth between her giggling relatives. Then she took a deep breath, rummaged around in her bag, and got out a golden bit of her own to put next to the others.
“You’re both wrong. Remember, I foalsat Twilight for a long time. She’s a research fanatic. Right now, she probably has every book from the Canterlot Archives in her room, studying to find out just where alicorn eggs are mentioned and how to deal with them.”
“It would explain why she’s not at breakfast,” said Celestia with a contemplative frown.
“And why we have not heard a thing since she left the Dreaming,” added Luna.
There was a little click of crystal as Spike put a small gemstone down next to the three bits. “Nope,” he said before shoveling in another bite of pancakes.
“Now this I must hear,” said Luna, gesturing with her fork. “Go ahead, young drake.”
“After you’ve finished chewing,” added Celestia.
Once he had dealt with the pancakes, Spike looked up at the three curious alicorns, pointing to them in turn. “Princess Celestia, you taught her. Princess Cadence foalsat her, and Princess Luna, you may have heard all kinds of stories about her, but none of you have lived with Twilight Sparkle for the last ten years. She’s going to do something none of you expect.”
...causing arcane wards to surround the guest bedroom, sealing it off from the rest of the universe…
“Back when I was just a little whelp, I got to talk with some of the teachers who were there when I was hatched,” said Spike. “They all tried to talk around it, but they obviously didn’t think it was possible to hatch an egg like mine, and had all kinds of questions I couldn’t answer. Since then, I’ve seen Twilight Sparkle do some amazing things nopony has ever done before, things which were called impossible before she did them. Like saving you from Nightmare Moon,” he added, looking at Luna. “She didn’t panic and run away then. Or when she became an alicorn,” Spike said, looking at an uncomfortable Celestia. “She didn’t doubt the authenticity of Starswirl’s journal. She dove right in and tried it, regardless of the consequences.”
…motes of magic floated around Twilight as she poured herself into the spell…
“Spike, she’s always done her research,” said Cadence softly. “I don’t think she’s been out of reach of a book since she learned to read. Plus when she fought Nightmare Moon, I heard she had to go reference a book first.”
“To find out something she didn’t know already,” said Spike. “She needed to know where the Elements of Harmony were. If she already knows how to deal with a problem, she just does.” He grabbed another pancake off the tray and put it on his plate, sprinkling it with powdered emeralds. “I’m going to be a big brother,” he added as he poured the syrup.
“Spike,” said Celestia gently. “It’s not a real egg. We created it with magic. There’s no foal inside.”
...mares are the only pony able to create life…
Spike shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Remember, she hatched me when she was taking her test to get into the school, and that was years and several decimal points in her power rating ago. She wants to hatch the egg, so she will.”
...insufficient power to do what was needed, but there were other sources of power available…
Now it was Luna’s turn to frown and address the little dragon. “Are you implying our little Twilight Sparkle wishes to become a mother?”
Waiting until he was done chewing, Spike nodded. “She changed my diapers when I was just a baby and spoon fed me when I was hungry, even when I ate the spoons. She was the best mother to me as a little filly. Now she’s all grown up.”
...it’s just borrowing for a little bit…
Cadence let out a sigh and patted Spike on the head. “I know you’re both excited about Flurry Heart, and you think you know all about Twilight and magic, but there’s not enough power—” She gave a little hiccup and blinked several times. “That was odd,” she said, peering cross-eyed at her horn. “My magic just blinked out.”
“And my moon hath just risen back over the horizon,” said Luna with a sharp glance toward the west. “I have no control over it.”
Before Celestia could say anything, the sun went out, and the breakfast nook was flooded with darkness of such intensity that all the occupants could see was afterimages.
“What’s going on?” asked Cadence from somewhere in the pitch-black room.
“Twilight,” said Spike. He lit one of the candles at the table with a regulated burst of dragonfire and looked at the three panicked alicorns in the resulting light. The ground trembled, and a sprinkling of dust came down from the ceiling while the universe seemed to groan in labor pains, twisting and spasming across nearby dimensions with a sensation that only plucked gently at nerve endings instead of tearing the world apart as it seemed to want.
The feeling only lasted a few moments, but cut off with an intense jolt, and when the sunlight burst back into the breakfast nook, each of the alicorns was sitting rather stunned on the floor.
Spike scooped the three bits and the gemstone off the table and tucked them away. “Told ya.”
In the resulting silence, all three alicorns quietly got back to their hooves. The moon obediently slid back below the horizon to its presumably proper place, the sun shifted in the sky as if to adjust itself for a few missing seconds, and Cadence looked up with an expression of unfiltered joy.
Cadence held a hoof across Luna’s chest before she could break the silence.
“No, Auntie Luna,” she whispered. “Listen.”
And the distant cry of a newborn alicorn filtered down from above.
She took a quick peek between nearly closed eyelids to make sure Spike’s bed was empty, just in case. He had a dawn playdate with Flurry Heart down in the vast castle gardens, and since he was gone as scheduled, Princess Twilight Sparkle had a few more treasured moments to reign over her slumber before she had to get up for anything.
Still, the dream she had last night bothered her.
In the chaos and whirl of images, there had been some sort of cramping sensation, much worse than she had ever experienced before, and growing until it had vanished in the brief feeling of relief and emptiness. She had drifted back to sleep afterwards, but now that she was thinking about it, there was something damp on her hind legs, much the same as—
Oh, no. I haven’t wet the bed since I was a foal!
Twilight Sparkle fractionally shifted position in her cloud-soft bed, which was probably some sort of priceless antique which would never be able to be replaced after being soiled. Princess Celestia would be so upset, and everybody in Canterlot would know about her failure. Even Spike would be embarrassed, and he had not worn diapers in nearly a decade. Twilight screwed her eyes closed, trying not to look at the incriminating wet spot, but an unexpected bumping of a damp object around her hind legs made her eyes pop open regardless.
It was an egg.
She blinked.
It was still an egg. Much the same as the freshly laid chicken egg she had once collected for Fluttershy from her brood, it was slightly damp and glistening, but quite unlike the egg, it was a light violet in color and had her cutie mark emblazoned on the side. Also, quite unlike a chicken egg, it was huge, quite nearly the size of a—
Twilight blinked again. Not wanting to believe her traitorous eyes, she reached down with one forehoof and touched the foal-sized ovoid, feeling the blood-warmth of the impossible egg and giving it a nudge to evaluate its probable density.
It was unmistakably an egg.
In one regard, Twilight Sparkle was relieved she had not wet the bed.
In all other regards…
“Keep it together, Twilight,” she whispered. “There has to be a reason there’s an egg in your bed. Other than the obvious one, of course.”
She tucked her tail in against her damp nethers and tried not to think of how that huge object had theoretically managed to transit that narrow passage without waking her up. Even though it had. And somehow she had gone back to sleep afterwards. Until now.
Although pony reproduction had always been an uncomfortable topic for Twilight Sparkle, she was aware of the basics. The bare basics. The somewhat-sketchy process between mare-meets-colt and the delivery room had always been a topic she had avoided in her studies, except for foal development in the womb and infant care outside. The process of going from inside to outside, as well as the actual… act of reproduction, were much like a visual blind spot to her.
Still, she knew one thing for certain: ponies did not lay eggs.
Dragons laid eggs and hatched them by pouring dragonfire across them, thus triggering the magical process of birth. Birds laid eggs and hatched them by holding them close for several weeks as the little birds grew inside the shells. Lizards even laid eggs and hatched them on warm rocks where Celestia’s sun could incubate them.
Alicorns, however…
Twilight Sparkle had never seen nor heard about alicorns reproducing by way of eggs, but with such a small sample size and only two data points less than a thousand years old, it could have been missed. Celestia had been suspiciously vague about where Luna and she had come from, and claimed Cadence had been discovered as a foal. Twilight’s own experience with becoming an alicorn was singularly unique, as even Starswirl the Bearded had not been able to master the unfinished spell which had transformed her into an alicorn, so she had always thought of herself as an outlier, a data point on the graph outside of the line.
Still, she was part of the growing population. After nearly a thousand years of Equestria only knowing one alicorn, the world had adjusted to two, then three, and now four with little Flurry Heart. No, five. Twilight had forgotten to count herself again.
As a student, Twilight Sparkle had once asked Princess Celestia just why Cadence had come to be an alicorn. She said Harmony determined the number of alicorns needed, and if Harmony was concerned about upcoming troubles, more alicorns would appear to help deal with it.
The time frame between Cadence revealing her pregnancy and Flurry Heart’s sudden appearance was suspiciously short. When Twilight had asked why, all Cadence would do was smile and tell her, “Magic, Twilight.”
Twilight ran a hoof over the damp surface of the warm egg, shifting in her soiled bed in order to hold it closer. This could not be happening to her without a reason. The world was gaining a lot of alicorns in a hurry. There had to be something truly terrible out there which would need more magic to defeat it. The thought calmed her rapidly beating heart and made Twilight light up her horn to cast a life-detection spell on the warm egg.
As she suspected and feared, it was an alicorn. No, she was an alicorn.
Twilight took a deep breath. She was the Element of Magic, but this problem was no longer just hers. An infant alicorn could tip some unseen balance of power, preventing or causing untold devastation. Her own mother had once told her mares held the responsibility for making the world survive, as only mares could bring forth life. It was a great responsibility, but as much as Twilight thought she was not up to it, she had to be.
She leaned up to press her horn against the egg and whispered, “I don’t know if you can hear me in there, but your mother is right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
The egg felt cooler for some reason, and Twilight repeated the life-detection spell as before. An icy force seemed to slug her in the gut as the spell returned a fainter signal, indicating the life-force inside was failing.
“Oh, no,” she whispered, repeating the spell and finding the life it showed even fainter than before. The infant alicorn in the egg was fading fast. There was only one thing Twilight Sparkle could do, and it would have to be now!
The morning sun shone brightly into the Royal Breakfast Nook, blessing the breakfast table with its glory and illuminating the six place settings, even though only Celestia and Luna were present. The two sisters were giggling to each other as they shared the generous spread of breakfast items, although an interested observer would be unable to tell just what was so funny about their situation. The only clue to the topic of the ongoing unspoken conversation was a pair of golden bits sitting on an empty section of tablecloth, and the unusual mirth between the two royal pranksters.
With a glance over her shoulder at the risen sun, Celestia asked, “Neither of our two young protégées seem to be joining us yet? I know Cadence is busy with little Flurry Heart—”
“And Shining Armor,” added Luna with an additional giggle.
“—and Shining Armor,” admitted Celestia. “Still, I expected young Twilight to be here by now, no matter which way our wager goes.”
“Hmm…” Luna lit up her horn and concentrated. “Young Twilight Sparkle is no longer in the Dreaming. You don’t think she missed the egg when she awoke, do you?”
“Only if there was a book in her vicinity,” said Celestia with a smirk as she buttered a piece of toast. “Ah, here she comes now.”
The quiet clatter of hooves out in the hallway resolved into an alicorn princess as expected, only a somewhat older one who was carrying a young dragon on her back.
“Good morning, Auntie Celestia. Aunt Luna.” Princess Cadence beamed as she swept into the room and deposited Spike on the tallest chair at the table. “We left Shining Armor down in the garden with Flurry Heart, trying to make friends with the bunnies. Where’s Twilight?”
Both of the elder alicorns broke into laughter while Cadence sat down, shook her head, and looked down at where Spike was happily filling his plate. “Maybe you should go upstairs and check on Twilight, Spike. I think my aunts are pulling some sort of trick on her.”
“Us?” Both Celestia and Luna put on expressions of pure innocence marred only by mutual suppressed giggles, but Cadence was not buying it.
“Spill it.” Cadence gave her aunts a glare of pure cold steel. “Or I won’t let either of you foalsit Flurry Heart for a year.”
“‘Twas Celestia’s idea,” said Luna promptly.
“It was not!” countered Celestia. “You said you’ve never seen a pony so prone to panic fits, and I said Twilight Sparkle was the most clever pony since Clover.”
“Both true. Please pass the pancakes,” said Spike as he continued loading up his plate.
After moving the platter of pancakes over to Spike, Luna sighed. “We made a wager.”
“A small one,” clarified Celestia, pointing at the two bits on the table. “And we put an egg in Twilight’s bed this morning.”
“A large one,” said Luna with a giggle.
“An appropriately sized one,” said Celestia in her most serious voice. “Created out of our magic and crafted to appear as if it were—” she took a brief glance at where Spike was demolishing his pancakes “—laid by her in the morning hours.”
“With a most pertinent dream to go with it,” added Luna as she built her own stack of pancakes. “As well as the most clever enchantments upon the egg which I was able, including a mirroring spell in case she casts a life detection spell upon it to determine the contents. It will only last a short time, but she will undoubtedly consider the egg to be real because of the results and react appropriately.”
“Yes,” said Celestia with a sideways quirk to her lips. “Luna seems to think Twilight is so immature that she’ll come running to me in a panic.”
“And Celly thinks her student is so bright she’ll see right through our little trick,” added Luna.
Cadence soaked in the situation with a long, slow nod, looking back and forth between her giggling relatives. Then she took a deep breath, rummaged around in her bag, and got out a golden bit of her own to put next to the others.
“You’re both wrong. Remember, I foalsat Twilight for a long time. She’s a research fanatic. Right now, she probably has every book from the Canterlot Archives in her room, studying to find out just where alicorn eggs are mentioned and how to deal with them.”
“It would explain why she’s not at breakfast,” said Celestia with a contemplative frown.
“And why we have not heard a thing since she left the Dreaming,” added Luna.
There was a little click of crystal as Spike put a small gemstone down next to the three bits. “Nope,” he said before shoveling in another bite of pancakes.
“Now this I must hear,” said Luna, gesturing with her fork. “Go ahead, young drake.”
“After you’ve finished chewing,” added Celestia.
Once he had dealt with the pancakes, Spike looked up at the three curious alicorns, pointing to them in turn. “Princess Celestia, you taught her. Princess Cadence foalsat her, and Princess Luna, you may have heard all kinds of stories about her, but none of you have lived with Twilight Sparkle for the last ten years. She’s going to do something none of you expect.”
...causing arcane wards to surround the guest bedroom, sealing it off from the rest of the universe…
“Back when I was just a little whelp, I got to talk with some of the teachers who were there when I was hatched,” said Spike. “They all tried to talk around it, but they obviously didn’t think it was possible to hatch an egg like mine, and had all kinds of questions I couldn’t answer. Since then, I’ve seen Twilight Sparkle do some amazing things nopony has ever done before, things which were called impossible before she did them. Like saving you from Nightmare Moon,” he added, looking at Luna. “She didn’t panic and run away then. Or when she became an alicorn,” Spike said, looking at an uncomfortable Celestia. “She didn’t doubt the authenticity of Starswirl’s journal. She dove right in and tried it, regardless of the consequences.”
…motes of magic floated around Twilight as she poured herself into the spell…
“Spike, she’s always done her research,” said Cadence softly. “I don’t think she’s been out of reach of a book since she learned to read. Plus when she fought Nightmare Moon, I heard she had to go reference a book first.”
“To find out something she didn’t know already,” said Spike. “She needed to know where the Elements of Harmony were. If she already knows how to deal with a problem, she just does.” He grabbed another pancake off the tray and put it on his plate, sprinkling it with powdered emeralds. “I’m going to be a big brother,” he added as he poured the syrup.
“Spike,” said Celestia gently. “It’s not a real egg. We created it with magic. There’s no foal inside.”
...mares are the only pony able to create life…
Spike shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Remember, she hatched me when she was taking her test to get into the school, and that was years and several decimal points in her power rating ago. She wants to hatch the egg, so she will.”
...insufficient power to do what was needed, but there were other sources of power available…
Now it was Luna’s turn to frown and address the little dragon. “Are you implying our little Twilight Sparkle wishes to become a mother?”
Waiting until he was done chewing, Spike nodded. “She changed my diapers when I was just a baby and spoon fed me when I was hungry, even when I ate the spoons. She was the best mother to me as a little filly. Now she’s all grown up.”
...it’s just borrowing for a little bit…
Cadence let out a sigh and patted Spike on the head. “I know you’re both excited about Flurry Heart, and you think you know all about Twilight and magic, but there’s not enough power—” She gave a little hiccup and blinked several times. “That was odd,” she said, peering cross-eyed at her horn. “My magic just blinked out.”
“And my moon hath just risen back over the horizon,” said Luna with a sharp glance toward the west. “I have no control over it.”
Before Celestia could say anything, the sun went out, and the breakfast nook was flooded with darkness of such intensity that all the occupants could see was afterimages.
“What’s going on?” asked Cadence from somewhere in the pitch-black room.
“Twilight,” said Spike. He lit one of the candles at the table with a regulated burst of dragonfire and looked at the three panicked alicorns in the resulting light. The ground trembled, and a sprinkling of dust came down from the ceiling while the universe seemed to groan in labor pains, twisting and spasming across nearby dimensions with a sensation that only plucked gently at nerve endings instead of tearing the world apart as it seemed to want.
The feeling only lasted a few moments, but cut off with an intense jolt, and when the sunlight burst back into the breakfast nook, each of the alicorns was sitting rather stunned on the floor.
Spike scooped the three bits and the gemstone off the table and tucked them away. “Told ya.”
In the resulting silence, all three alicorns quietly got back to their hooves. The moon obediently slid back below the horizon to its presumably proper place, the sun shifted in the sky as if to adjust itself for a few missing seconds, and Cadence looked up with an expression of unfiltered joy.
Cadence held a hoof across Luna’s chest before she could break the silence.
“No, Auntie Luna,” she whispered. “Listen.”
And the distant cry of a newborn alicorn filtered down from above.
Very nice touch with Twilight briefly forgetting to include herself in the alicorn census. Entirely understandable given her current frame of mind.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Pinkie Pie is wiser than any alicorn. She’d have known what would’ve come of this prank. Lovely tribute to the incredible force of will and power that is Twilight Sparkle. Though I should not that the last part isn’t an ending so much as it is a beginning.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Pinkie Pie is wiser than any alicorn. She’d have known what would’ve come of this prank. Lovely tribute to the incredible force of will and power that is Twilight Sparkle. Though I should not that the last part isn’t an ending so much as it is a beginning.
Huh. I find myself at something of a loss on this one.
On the one hand, it's a pretty simple story. But the more I think about it, the more certain things pop out: The unusual emotional depth you're able to conjure up for Twilight, but also the curious and unforethought cruelty of Luna and Celestia, to give a mare what seems to be a child, then intend to snatch it away moments later. The first thing I thought of when I saw the egg (and I assume Twilight would think as well) was 'This is a prank,' but it appears to have never occurred to her.
If there's a critique, it's how easily Spike manages to predict what happens. I mean, really? You give Twilight a fake egg and your first thought is she'll manage to hatch a real alicorn out of it? I'm not sure I buy that, which is odd, because you think I'd have more trouble with the actual hatching than his predicting it.
Interesting. I'm not sure how to rank this one, yet. We'll have to see what else comes.
On the one hand, it's a pretty simple story. But the more I think about it, the more certain things pop out: The unusual emotional depth you're able to conjure up for Twilight, but also the curious and unforethought cruelty of Luna and Celestia, to give a mare what seems to be a child, then intend to snatch it away moments later. The first thing I thought of when I saw the egg (and I assume Twilight would think as well) was 'This is a prank,' but it appears to have never occurred to her.
If there's a critique, it's how easily Spike manages to predict what happens. I mean, really? You give Twilight a fake egg and your first thought is she'll manage to hatch a real alicorn out of it? I'm not sure I buy that, which is odd, because you think I'd have more trouble with the actual hatching than his predicting it.
Interesting. I'm not sure how to rank this one, yet. We'll have to see what else comes.
I'll agree:
With >>Cold in Gardez in large part. Everyone's slightly out-of-character the way they would be in a broad comedy or a farce, but there's nothing farcical at all about where the story goes. Moving from the ridiculous to the sublime is a hard thing to do, but you come really close to pulling it off here, author. I don't have any suggestions to helping the transition, either: maybe instead of the gentleness of the last line, Twilight can come trotting in wearing a big smile and a squirming Babybjörn? Or have more explosions: you can never go wrong with more explosions. :)
Good stuff, though!
Mike
With >>Cold in Gardez in large part. Everyone's slightly out-of-character the way they would be in a broad comedy or a farce, but there's nothing farcical at all about where the story goes. Moving from the ridiculous to the sublime is a hard thing to do, but you come really close to pulling it off here, author. I don't have any suggestions to helping the transition, either: maybe instead of the gentleness of the last line, Twilight can come trotting in wearing a big smile and a squirming Babybjörn? Or have more explosions: you can never go wrong with more explosions. :)
Good stuff, though!
Mike
I don't quite see Spike out of character. That one I buy; he can be unusually deep when he wants to be.
Celestia/Luna? They're being bent a bit, and Cadance too, but not so far that I cannot buy it, because ultimately this story isn't really about them - it's about a certain little purple alicorn who does not believe in the no-win situation.
And when faced with it? She cheats.
I quite enjoyed this. My biggest nitpick? That this is all there is. Now I want to read the fallout and then the subsequent Mommy Twilight story.
Celestia/Luna? They're being bent a bit, and Cadance too, but not so far that I cannot buy it, because ultimately this story isn't really about them - it's about a certain little purple alicorn who does not believe in the no-win situation.
And when faced with it? She cheats.
I quite enjoyed this. My biggest nitpick? That this is all there is. Now I want to read the fallout and then the subsequent Mommy Twilight story.
I'll admit this is most likely my personal bias speaking, but I believe I would've liked this story a tad more had it been less, well, random.
Don't misunderstand me, I think the core concept and general execution are pretty interesting, but its short length works against itself. The setup and explanation of the joke comes too fast, as does Cadence's and Spike's explanations. Plus we didn't get to see more of Twilight's thought process as she goes about making life out of nothing at all, which is a real pity.
As it stands, the issues are resolved too quickly for me to get really invested, which can probably be chalked up to the time constraints.
Definitely a diamond in the rough.
Don't misunderstand me, I think the core concept and general execution are pretty interesting, but its short length works against itself. The setup and explanation of the joke comes too fast, as does Cadence's and Spike's explanations. Plus we didn't get to see more of Twilight's thought process as she goes about making life out of nothing at all, which is a real pity.
As it stands, the issues are resolved too quickly for me to get really invested, which can probably be chalked up to the time constraints.
Definitely a diamond in the rough.
Although pony reproduction had always been an uncomfortable topic for Twilight Sparkle, she was aware of the basics. The bare basics. The somewhat-sketchy process between mare-meets-colt and the delivery room had always been a topic she had avoided in her studies, except for foal development in the womb and infant care outside. The process of going from inside to outside, as well as the actual… act of reproduction, were much like a visual blind spot to her.
What, she's never read Romance Reports? I've never read Romance Reports, and even I've read Romance Reports. Get your head in the game, Purplesmart.
I liked this. I'll admit that Celestia and Luna being giant pranksters is a bit... much to swallow. I can see them pulling stuff like this on one another, but not quite on Twilight. But it charmed me with its dialogue, and frantic Twilight is always best Twilight.
Although, in all seriousness, I found it difficult to believe that Twilight wouldn't know the nitty-gritty of pony sex.
Welcome to the world, little Omelete Wish, Princess of Hearty Breakfasts.
This story is very cute. I can easily imagine Twilight freaking out like this, it’s fun to see the other princesses collaborating on pranks (perhaps there is a tradition to prank new alicorns as a ‘welcome to the club’ rite) and I am pleased to see Spike not only being a full participant in the conversation, but standing up for himself with confidence in his assessment. This tale is going towards the top of my list.
This story is very cute. I can easily imagine Twilight freaking out like this, it’s fun to see the other princesses collaborating on pranks (perhaps there is a tradition to prank new alicorns as a ‘welcome to the club’ rite) and I am pleased to see Spike not only being a full participant in the conversation, but standing up for himself with confidence in his assessment. This tale is going towards the top of my list.
Genre: Exploring the perils of underestimating Twilight Sparkle
Thoughts: Despite my running disagreement with >>Cold in Gardez about OOC-ness in Dead By Dawn, I have to agree that Celestia feels off here. I've never bought fully into the trollestia phenomenon, and having her prank Twilight about something like this just pushes it farther than I can go. (I'm somewhat more flexible about Luna, though she's a stretch for me here too.)
But if I let that go, I'm rewarded with a sweet and well-constructed slice of life (ish) story whose raison d'etre seems to be the reassertion of bookhorse's greatness as a character and a caretaker.
My only other quibble is that Spike seems to take things way too much in stride. He would be a great choice to call out how douchey the Princesses are being. And even if he's confident in both himself and Twilight, I think it would make sense to see him get a little more emotional.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: Despite my running disagreement with >>Cold in Gardez about OOC-ness in Dead By Dawn, I have to agree that Celestia feels off here. I've never bought fully into the trollestia phenomenon, and having her prank Twilight about something like this just pushes it farther than I can go. (I'm somewhat more flexible about Luna, though she's a stretch for me here too.)
But if I let that go, I'm rewarded with a sweet and well-constructed slice of life (ish) story whose raison d'etre seems to be the reassertion of bookhorse's greatness as a character and a caretaker.
My only other quibble is that Spike seems to take things way too much in stride. He would be a great choice to call out how douchey the Princesses are being. And even if he's confident in both himself and Twilight, I think it would make sense to see him get a little more emotional.
Tier: Strong
Hmm.
Interesting. I think this is a great example of taking a crackfic idea and playing it pretty much straight? That's usually a strange effect, and it's about the same here. This doesn't give me... mood whiplash, exactly, but perhaps something close; it's moving from 'weird' to 'heartfelt', and I'm not certain it's going about it in ways that quite work smoothly for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't jump to the idea that it was a prank immediately. People have written strange things seriously in Writeoffs.
I'm not sure I can give you much in the way of useful advice here. I do think you're dragging the conclusion out a bit much; after Twilight makes her decision, it cuts to Spike and... almost starts another mini-narrative or something, with the prank and the bet, but... those do tie in, so...
I dunno. More space probably wouldn't hurt, but you might also want to consider interleaving what you've got a bit more, because although the brevity of your italic lines is interesting, bringing the narratives closer together (maybe mirroring them somehow?) might make the transition from ridiculous/heartfelt for Twilight work better as you show the transition from ridiculous/heartfelt for Celestia/Luna/Cadence/Spike.
Interesting. I think this is a great example of taking a crackfic idea and playing it pretty much straight? That's usually a strange effect, and it's about the same here. This doesn't give me... mood whiplash, exactly, but perhaps something close; it's moving from 'weird' to 'heartfelt', and I'm not certain it's going about it in ways that quite work smoothly for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't jump to the idea that it was a prank immediately. People have written strange things seriously in Writeoffs.
I'm not sure I can give you much in the way of useful advice here. I do think you're dragging the conclusion out a bit much; after Twilight makes her decision, it cuts to Spike and... almost starts another mini-narrative or something, with the prank and the bet, but... those do tie in, so...
I dunno. More space probably wouldn't hurt, but you might also want to consider interleaving what you've got a bit more, because although the brevity of your italic lines is interesting, bringing the narratives closer together (maybe mirroring them somehow?) might make the transition from ridiculous/heartfelt for Twilight work better as you show the transition from ridiculous/heartfelt for Celestia/Luna/Cadence/Spike.
The Great
A very strong opening.
The dialogue, while it bordered on maybe a little OOC, was well done and general followed very good beats.
Neat concept.
The Rough
I honestly do not know what to make of this story. I... think the intent for this is supposed to be a triumphant moment for Twilight? Maybe? But honestly, I find the conclusion kind of horrifying and dark. Twilight creates random life for no actual good reason. Like, what are the ramifications of this going to be? Is this going to be a real Alicorn? Some weird abomination? Is she going to resent it and her teachers for doing this to her and saddling her with it? What is the cost on her life going to be? On the safety of Equestria?
A very strong opening.
The dialogue, while it bordered on maybe a little OOC, was well done and general followed very good beats.
Neat concept.
The Rough
I honestly do not know what to make of this story. I... think the intent for this is supposed to be a triumphant moment for Twilight? Maybe? But honestly, I find the conclusion kind of horrifying and dark. Twilight creates random life for no actual good reason. Like, what are the ramifications of this going to be? Is this going to be a real Alicorn? Some weird abomination? Is she going to resent it and her teachers for doing this to her and saddling her with it? What is the cost on her life going to be? On the safety of Equestria?
Confession time. Twilight Sparkle Lays An Egg is mine, and will be going up on Fimfiction on Saturday. It hatched (sorry) from an idea I got from talking with Tek, and was originally nicknamed “The Twilight Who Laid The Golden Egg.” That’s about as far as it got until I wrote ‘How Many Princesses Does It Take’ and a few more ideas got chasing around my neural pathways, and when the prompt was announced, the whole thing gelled into a story outline, from beginning to end in one burst of light, much as if I had been mugged by a muse. I’d like to thank Pascoite, who struggled along with my ‘as’ clauses, and to Toy Kingdom, whose video is about the first thing you see when you google ‘Twilight Sparkle egg’
I like to write with the intention of improving, so I tend to handicap my ideas with restrictions. In this case, I wanted a humorous title, with a slow transition into seriousness until the reader believes Princess Twilight Sparkle actually laid an egg (hey, weirder stuff has been written). Then a shift back to humor as the reader realizes Celestia and Luna are playing a trick on Twilight, then one last shift into seriousness. And Spike is Best Dragon.
You will believe an alicorn can hatch.
Pictures upcoming:
https://i.gyazo.com/55d316adbf6b5f1f920fb62f0aa28fb3.png
There’s also this image, but I have not gotten permission to use it yet.
http://meurogane.deviantart.com/art/Twilight-Sparkle-Easter-Egg-294187917
I like to write with the intention of improving, so I tend to handicap my ideas with restrictions. In this case, I wanted a humorous title, with a slow transition into seriousness until the reader believes Princess Twilight Sparkle actually laid an egg (hey, weirder stuff has been written). Then a shift back to humor as the reader realizes Celestia and Luna are playing a trick on Twilight, then one last shift into seriousness. And Spike is Best Dragon.
You will believe an alicorn can hatch.
Pictures upcoming:
https://i.gyazo.com/55d316adbf6b5f1f920fb62f0aa28fb3.png
There’s also this image, but I have not gotten permission to use it yet.
http://meurogane.deviantart.com/art/Twilight-Sparkle-Easter-Egg-294187917