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Cymothoa Exigua
Blinky always wanted wings. Life was hard for an earth pony colt in Cloudsdale. His parents loved him, but Dad's job at the weather factory didn't pay well enough for a fancy cloud house with cloudstone floors. Instead, they lived in one of the shabby houses in the shadow of the city.
It was all Blinky's fault, really. His sister Winky told him that once, when he had made her really angry. And even though she apologized afterwards and looked really sad, he knew it to be true.
So that's why every night before bed, Blinky would stare out at the bottom of Cloudsdale, and imagine the stars shining on the other side of the clouds. He'd always make a special wish that one day he would get his wings. He dreamed about it constantly. When he had his wings, he'd be able to fly around wherever he wanted, and wouldn't need special help to get to school, and his family could move on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky.
One morning, Blinky woke up feeling different.
He felt all sweaty, but shivery at the same time too. His tongue tasted like spoiled milk and he itched all over, especially on his sides. Mom made him stay home from school that day, and told him not to scratch himself. But she had to go to the Diner for work, so he had to stay home alone. And even though he tried, he couldn't stand the itchiness.
He had to crane his head around in a weird way that hurt his neck to gnaw at the fur on his side. But that helped a little. He chewed and chewed, and it felt really good, up until he bit a little too hard and tasted something gross and metally. He dragged himself out of bed to find a band-aid and hoped Mom wouldn't be too upset.
But by the time she got home, he was feeling so woozy that he hardly even understood what she was saying. Instead he slept.
For three whole days, it turned out. And when Blinky woke up, he had wings!
Kind of.
Well, there were hard bumps on his side that hid under his fur and moved kinda weirdly when he poked with a hoof. Mom said they were getting him a doctor, but since without many bits they were on a waiting list and it'd be a while. She also said that she wasn't working at the Diner anymore, so now she could stay home with him.
Blinky wasn't scared though, even though Mom and Dad whispered to each other when they thought he wasn't listening. He knew the truth: he was getting his wings! Just like he had always wanted.
He waited until Mom fell asleep in the chair next to his bed to start biting at his sides again. It felt even better this time, and the metally stuff didn't taste so gross. He could feel his wings trying to flap. He just had to get them out from under his sides, first.
It only got weird when he got all the way down and felt his teeth click right up against something hard. At first it felt super satisfying. And then it hurt really really bad and he started crying and Mom woke up and screamed.
Two weeks later, his sides had mostly healed, and his wings were much larger. Blinky was excited, because they were almost big enough to fly.
They weren't like Mom's or Dad's though. Or even his sister's wings, which were smaller and didn't have all the primary feathers.
Blinky's wings didn't have feathers at all. They had a hard covering that protected a thin flappy bit. They were brownish-blackish-clearish-green, not light blue like his coat. And they usually stayed closed. He couldn't really control them very well at all. But he knew he'd figure it out in time. Sometimes they flicked and buzzed and felt funny, and also pushed a lot of air around!
Blinky had lost a lot of weight, but that was just his body adapting to the wings. He'd need to be lighter, then he'd be the best flyer in his class.
He tried to tell Mom that, but she just went really quiet. And Dad's work must have been busy, because Blinky hadn't seen him in at least a week. The doctor was supposed to come soon, though.
Blinky couldn't wait to show off his wings.
It was all Blinky's fault, really. His sister Winky told him that once, when he had made her really angry. And even though she apologized afterwards and looked really sad, he knew it to be true.
So that's why every night before bed, Blinky would stare out at the bottom of Cloudsdale, and imagine the stars shining on the other side of the clouds. He'd always make a special wish that one day he would get his wings. He dreamed about it constantly. When he had his wings, he'd be able to fly around wherever he wanted, and wouldn't need special help to get to school, and his family could move on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky.
One morning, Blinky woke up feeling different.
He felt all sweaty, but shivery at the same time too. His tongue tasted like spoiled milk and he itched all over, especially on his sides. Mom made him stay home from school that day, and told him not to scratch himself. But she had to go to the Diner for work, so he had to stay home alone. And even though he tried, he couldn't stand the itchiness.
He had to crane his head around in a weird way that hurt his neck to gnaw at the fur on his side. But that helped a little. He chewed and chewed, and it felt really good, up until he bit a little too hard and tasted something gross and metally. He dragged himself out of bed to find a band-aid and hoped Mom wouldn't be too upset.
But by the time she got home, he was feeling so woozy that he hardly even understood what she was saying. Instead he slept.
For three whole days, it turned out. And when Blinky woke up, he had wings!
Kind of.
Well, there were hard bumps on his side that hid under his fur and moved kinda weirdly when he poked with a hoof. Mom said they were getting him a doctor, but since without many bits they were on a waiting list and it'd be a while. She also said that she wasn't working at the Diner anymore, so now she could stay home with him.
Blinky wasn't scared though, even though Mom and Dad whispered to each other when they thought he wasn't listening. He knew the truth: he was getting his wings! Just like he had always wanted.
He waited until Mom fell asleep in the chair next to his bed to start biting at his sides again. It felt even better this time, and the metally stuff didn't taste so gross. He could feel his wings trying to flap. He just had to get them out from under his sides, first.
It only got weird when he got all the way down and felt his teeth click right up against something hard. At first it felt super satisfying. And then it hurt really really bad and he started crying and Mom woke up and screamed.
Two weeks later, his sides had mostly healed, and his wings were much larger. Blinky was excited, because they were almost big enough to fly.
They weren't like Mom's or Dad's though. Or even his sister's wings, which were smaller and didn't have all the primary feathers.
Blinky's wings didn't have feathers at all. They had a hard covering that protected a thin flappy bit. They were brownish-blackish-clearish-green, not light blue like his coat. And they usually stayed closed. He couldn't really control them very well at all. But he knew he'd figure it out in time. Sometimes they flicked and buzzed and felt funny, and also pushed a lot of air around!
Blinky had lost a lot of weight, but that was just his body adapting to the wings. He'd need to be lighter, then he'd be the best flyer in his class.
He tried to tell Mom that, but she just went really quiet. And Dad's work must have been busy, because Blinky hadn't seen him in at least a week. The doctor was supposed to come soon, though.
Blinky couldn't wait to show off his wings.
DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ THIS REVIEW UNTIL YOU'VE READ THE STORY. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR FIRST READ OF THIS STORY WAS FOR INTERPRETATION PURPOSES, AND READING THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAMINATE YOUR OPINION.
This story I think will be subject to a lot of debate in the coming future in regards to the author's intentions. I had been singing this story's praises in the Discord chat, when fellow write-offer and perennial silver medalist, Cold in Gardez messaged me. To my surprise, he had a completely different read of the events that transpired that completely contrasted with my personal read. Upon rereading this entry, I again surprised to see that his read held quite a lot of traction and was well-backed by the evidence established in universe. Even more surprising was the fact that my read was also just as well-founded as Gardez's. We acknowledge the plausibility of the other's interpretation and find them to be equally valid.
The differences between Gardez and my reads are spoilered below:
I believed that the "wings" are actual parasites of an unknown nature that the protagonist is mistaking for wings that are slowly destroying his body.
Gardez believed that the protagonist is actually a changeling undergoing some sort of metamorphosis.
Author, I highly suggest if you intended to write what Gardez believed that you lie through your teeth about it and say it was your intention all along to write my interpretation. Reading it under Gardez's interpretation makes the story seem cheap and questionable at best with the reveal, whereas under my read it becomes a rather effective and creepy horror story.
The child's perspective is a good device employed to contrast the hopeful optimism of Blinky with the the rather grim circumstances of his living conditions and affliction. It is a subtle thing, sometimes veering a bit overboard in regards to how naive Blinky can seem, but overall a good direction decision by the author. This piece (under my read) has atmosphere in spades, and radiates dread for a reader able to read between the lines and address the reality of Blinky's situation with how he approaches it.
That being said, the story does falter a bit in the execution department. Part of why there is even a debate between Gardez and I about what the significance of the wings are comes from the rather piecemeal and unhelpful description given to their emerged form. I still can't quite formulate what they are intended to resemble or what they look like despite the fact that they given a full-fledged paragraph in the narrative discussing that exact subject.
There are a lot of things that I still don't quite understand the significance of, which unfortunately is sort of the result of the perspective, since the protagonist is a child that doesn't understand what is happening to him either. It's all just a mite bit too vague for what it is going for.
The first scene I think is slightly mismanaged in terms of direction. It is sort of distracting to wonder about all the ins and outs of why an earth pony is up in Cloudsdale and the practicality of that combined with the apparent economic burden that it places on Blinky's family. Ultimately, you only need to establish that Blinky's family is poor, and that he's always wanted to fly. Setting the story in Cloudsdale sort of muddles this by forcing the reader to ask more questions than necessary as to why the hell they are living there if they're forced into shabby housing. It's not a terrible decision by any means, but I found myself questioning why the explanation of Blinky's desire to fly had to be so unnecessarily complicated.
Additionally, the choice of Blinky and Winky I think really undermine the tone of the piece, especially since I was thinking of Pac Man the whole time. Blinky by himself is fine, but with Winky, it just sort of seems comically inappropriate for the mood of the piece—and by extension, the function of Winky's character. Also it is sort of strange that while Winky is mentioned in the first scene, she is never seen or heard from again for the rest of the story. I think Winky's inclusion is ultimately unnecessary for the progression of the piece, but could definitely fit in an expanded version of this story.
Like many stories written in a minific format, this story begs to be expanded. There really doesn't need to be a change to the beginning or end, but the middle needs to be expanded greatly for two reasons:
1. We can't properly emphasize with our protagonist in the limited timespan we're exposed to him.
2. The additional space will allow for a greater development of the sense of dread and more natural progression. As it stands currently, the story is a bit too blatant about its grim nature and moves it a bit too fast, and there is really no question that the "wings" are not the positive development that Blinky is expecting. There needs to be a bit more room for uncertainty, or at least, hope that things will turn out alright for our dear Blinky. Otherwise, it just seems like a dirge march.
Nonetheless, this was a lovely story (BUT ONLY UNDER MY READ), and I hope to see it continue into finals. I also hope to launch a bit of a debate over what the author's intentions were with this entry.
This story I think will be subject to a lot of debate in the coming future in regards to the author's intentions. I had been singing this story's praises in the Discord chat, when fellow write-offer and perennial silver medalist, Cold in Gardez messaged me. To my surprise, he had a completely different read of the events that transpired that completely contrasted with my personal read. Upon rereading this entry, I again surprised to see that his read held quite a lot of traction and was well-backed by the evidence established in universe. Even more surprising was the fact that my read was also just as well-founded as Gardez's. We acknowledge the plausibility of the other's interpretation and find them to be equally valid.
The differences between Gardez and my reads are spoilered below:
I believed that the "wings" are actual parasites of an unknown nature that the protagonist is mistaking for wings that are slowly destroying his body.
Gardez believed that the protagonist is actually a changeling undergoing some sort of metamorphosis.
Author, I highly suggest if you intended to write what Gardez believed that you lie through your teeth about it and say it was your intention all along to write my interpretation. Reading it under Gardez's interpretation makes the story seem cheap and questionable at best with the reveal, whereas under my read it becomes a rather effective and creepy horror story.
The child's perspective is a good device employed to contrast the hopeful optimism of Blinky with the the rather grim circumstances of his living conditions and affliction. It is a subtle thing, sometimes veering a bit overboard in regards to how naive Blinky can seem, but overall a good direction decision by the author. This piece (under my read) has atmosphere in spades, and radiates dread for a reader able to read between the lines and address the reality of Blinky's situation with how he approaches it.
That being said, the story does falter a bit in the execution department. Part of why there is even a debate between Gardez and I about what the significance of the wings are comes from the rather piecemeal and unhelpful description given to their emerged form. I still can't quite formulate what they are intended to resemble or what they look like despite the fact that they given a full-fledged paragraph in the narrative discussing that exact subject.
There are a lot of things that I still don't quite understand the significance of, which unfortunately is sort of the result of the perspective, since the protagonist is a child that doesn't understand what is happening to him either. It's all just a mite bit too vague for what it is going for.
The first scene I think is slightly mismanaged in terms of direction. It is sort of distracting to wonder about all the ins and outs of why an earth pony is up in Cloudsdale and the practicality of that combined with the apparent economic burden that it places on Blinky's family. Ultimately, you only need to establish that Blinky's family is poor, and that he's always wanted to fly. Setting the story in Cloudsdale sort of muddles this by forcing the reader to ask more questions than necessary as to why the hell they are living there if they're forced into shabby housing. It's not a terrible decision by any means, but I found myself questioning why the explanation of Blinky's desire to fly had to be so unnecessarily complicated.
Additionally, the choice of Blinky and Winky I think really undermine the tone of the piece, especially since I was thinking of Pac Man the whole time. Blinky by himself is fine, but with Winky, it just sort of seems comically inappropriate for the mood of the piece—and by extension, the function of Winky's character. Also it is sort of strange that while Winky is mentioned in the first scene, she is never seen or heard from again for the rest of the story. I think Winky's inclusion is ultimately unnecessary for the progression of the piece, but could definitely fit in an expanded version of this story.
Like many stories written in a minific format, this story begs to be expanded. There really doesn't need to be a change to the beginning or end, but the middle needs to be expanded greatly for two reasons:
1. We can't properly emphasize with our protagonist in the limited timespan we're exposed to him.
2. The additional space will allow for a greater development of the sense of dread and more natural progression. As it stands currently, the story is a bit too blatant about its grim nature and moves it a bit too fast, and there is really no question that the "wings" are not the positive development that Blinky is expecting. There needs to be a bit more room for uncertainty, or at least, hope that things will turn out alright for our dear Blinky. Otherwise, it just seems like a dirge march.
Nonetheless, this was a lovely story (BUT ONLY UNDER MY READ), and I hope to see it continue into finals. I also hope to launch a bit of a debate over what the author's intentions were with this entry.
>>Cassius
I'm with Gardez on this (I read the story before your review) because not only is the idea that the wings are a parasite more difficult to reconcile in-world, as far as I can tell, the best support for that reading mostly comes from the title. The thing is, changelings are also parasites, so it's not too far-fetched to say that it applies there.
Moreover, changelings in mythology were faeries/demons/somethings that were swapped out for real children, so they would be raised by humans.
I think the problem here is that there's no hint as to where the wings come from, except possibly the wishing; but that doesn't really ever tie back in. Establish some idea of where this starts, and it'll probably clear up the interpretations.
As for what the wings look like, the 'blackish-clearish-green' seems to fit changeling coloring, and the 'buzzy' bit definitely evoked insects for me. OTOH, the 'metallic taste' seems counter to that. Bugs don't taste particularly metallic; I've eaten several. :P Unless that's supposed to be his blood?
I agree with your comments about Winky entirely. Honestly, I'd suggest changing the opening 'it was all my fault' bit to have his dad say it to him; foreshadow him leaving, and lay some groundwork for what seems like family issues later.
Anyways, the contrast between childlike innocence and body horror works quite well here. I don't particularly enjoy this sort of story myself, but it's definitely well-crafted.
I'm with Gardez on this (I read the story before your review) because not only is the idea that the wings are a parasite more difficult to reconcile in-world, as far as I can tell, the best support for that reading mostly comes from the title. The thing is, changelings are also parasites, so it's not too far-fetched to say that it applies there.
Moreover, changelings in mythology were faeries/demons/somethings that were swapped out for real children, so they would be raised by humans.
I think the problem here is that there's no hint as to where the wings come from, except possibly the wishing; but that doesn't really ever tie back in. Establish some idea of where this starts, and it'll probably clear up the interpretations.
As for what the wings look like, the 'blackish-clearish-green' seems to fit changeling coloring, and the 'buzzy' bit definitely evoked insects for me. OTOH, the 'metallic taste' seems counter to that. Bugs don't taste particularly metallic; I've eaten several. :P Unless that's supposed to be his blood?
I agree with your comments about Winky entirely. Honestly, I'd suggest changing the opening 'it was all my fault' bit to have his dad say it to him; foreshadow him leaving, and lay some groundwork for what seems like family issues later.
Anyways, the contrast between childlike innocence and body horror works quite well here. I don't particularly enjoy this sort of story myself, but it's definitely well-crafted.
Well, that was entirely unexpected. I liked this, even if it left more questions than answers. they're the good kind of questions. I don't think it's the most obvious thing that's going on, but at the same time, what else could it be?
Definitely the best I've read so far. But now I'd like to read the other comments and see what people are getting out of this.
Definitely the best I've read so far. But now I'd like to read the other comments and see what people are getting out of this.
>>Cassius
I feel like this could've been worded better.
I read the story, and I read this comment, and you offer some really helpful criticism, but... also that.
Author, I highly suggest if you intended to write what Gardez believed that you lie through your teeth about it and say it was your intention all along to write my interpretation.
I feel like this could've been worded better.
I read the story, and I read this comment, and you offer some really helpful criticism, but... also that.
>>Cassius
>>Monokeras
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Whitbane
>>FrontSevens
I agree with CoG that his interpretation makes more sense overall, and connecting it with the traditional mythology of changelings sells it for me. It's a great idea that could be expanded into something all the more terrible than what this one shot allows.
That said, think Cassius's version makes for a much better horror story concept for a one shot.
>>Monokeras
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Whitbane
>>FrontSevens
I agree with CoG that his interpretation makes more sense overall, and connecting it with the traditional mythology of changelings sells it for me. It's a great idea that could be expanded into something all the more terrible than what this one shot allows.
That said, think Cassius's version makes for a much better horror story concept for a one shot.
>>Cassius
>>Not_A_Hat
>>PaulAsaran
>>FrontSevens
I think neither Cassius’s nor Gardez’s interpretations account for the whole thing. What is that metallic thing the foal bites, and why does the father leave?
The last one seems to account for the fact that the father suddenly realised that he’s not the foal’s true father.
Maybe the foal is half-dragon? Dragon scales would account for the metallic tang.
But this is opened to further discussion of course.
And yeah, this is a good read.
>>Not_A_Hat
>>PaulAsaran
>>FrontSevens
I think neither Cassius’s nor Gardez’s interpretations account for the whole thing. What is that metallic thing the foal bites, and why does the father leave?
The last one seems to account for the fact that the father suddenly realised that he’s not the foal’s true father.
Maybe the foal is half-dragon? Dragon scales would account for the metallic tang.
But this is opened to further discussion of course.
And yeah, this is a good read.
>>Monokeras
I think the metallic taste is the taste of blood. it's implied that he chewed himself almost to the bone in a sort of psychotic episode.
I'm not sold on the changeling idea. I don't really see any hints at changelings and not sure how becoming a foals wings will gain them love.
I think the metallic taste is the taste of blood. it's implied that he chewed himself almost to the bone in a sort of psychotic episode.
I'm not sold on the changeling idea. I don't really see any hints at changelings and not sure how becoming a foals wings will gain them love.
>>thisisalongname
I’m not convinced blood tastes metallic. I’ve eaten a lot of raw (tartare) meat, boudin noir (which is cooked pork blood), and of course I sucked small cuts. I never found that blood tasted metallic to me.
It smells metallic. Very distinctive iron odour.
I’m not convinced blood tastes metallic. I’ve eaten a lot of raw (tartare) meat, boudin noir (which is cooked pork blood), and of course I sucked small cuts. I never found that blood tasted metallic to me.
It smells metallic. Very distinctive iron odour.
>>Monokeras
It is pretty universally stated that blood tastes like metal, sometimes iron or copper, but still metallic in taste.
It is pretty universally stated that blood tastes like metal, sometimes iron or copper, but still metallic in taste.
>>thisisalongname
I’m a mutant :P
I’m wondering why anyone takes for granted that what grows on the foal’s sides are wings. The fact that the foal believes it doesn’t make it true.
I’m a mutant :P
I’m wondering why anyone takes for granted that what grows on the foal’s sides are wings. The fact that the foal believes it doesn’t make it true.
>>Cassius
I'm with Gardez. Also, when I read Blinky, I thought about Pinkie's sisters.
Also: >>FrontSevens
I'm with Gardez. Also, when I read Blinky, I thought about Pinkie's sisters.
Also: >>FrontSevens
I wanted to hurry up and get to this story to see what all the comments were about. To quote Fry, "I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament this."
Not that that should be taken in any way as a slight against this story. I just have a particularly visceral reaction to body horror.
For what it's worth, when I first read this story (unspoiled, didn't even know what the title meant) I assumed it was some sort of body horror or disease/parasite. The changeling idea didn't occur to me and still doesn't really feel like it fits, to be honest.
Not that that should be taken in any way as a slight against this story. I just have a particularly visceral reaction to body horror.
For what it's worth, when I first read this story (unspoiled, didn't even know what the title meant) I assumed it was some sort of body horror or disease/parasite. The changeling idea didn't occur to me and still doesn't really feel like it fits, to be honest.
>>thisisalongname
Could it be that he's hallucinated the wings?
There's the wait to go to the doctor, would would imply a certain sort of doctor.
If your child grew wings, you could take them to likely any doctor. If your child thinks he's grown wings, then you need a special doctor. Those cost money.
And considering that Mother has to stay home to stop him from eating himself, money might be hard to come by.
Could it be that he's hallucinated the wings?
There's the wait to go to the doctor, would would imply a certain sort of doctor.
If your child grew wings, you could take them to likely any doctor. If your child thinks he's grown wings, then you need a special doctor. Those cost money.
And considering that Mother has to stay home to stop him from eating himself, money might be hard to come by.
>>bloons3
The title implies it is a real parasite, but honestly it's all too vague for me. I've had a cold for past three days and am too tired to try and overthink it.
The title implies it is a real parasite, but honestly it's all too vague for me. I've had a cold for past three days and am too tired to try and overthink it.
I had a discussion with Cassius about this, and I'm in agreement that either his or Gardez's interpretation could be supported by the facts. I tend to hew closer to Gardez's. It sounds to me like this kid is a pony/changeling hybrid whose powers are just now developing. One of the parents was a changeling and didn't know the kid would turn out this way, but as to which one, I don't know. The dad might be, and he ran off since he'd be discovered, or possibly he was actually taken into custody. The mom might be, and that's why she had to leave her job. Once the dad realized she was, he left. Or possibly both are ponies, and the dad was temporarily replaced by a changeling who got the mom pregnant, and now he realizes it's not his kid. The mom reacts as if she knows what's happening, but she doesn't tell Blinky, because she's either afraid of what he'll turn into or doesn't have the heart to tell him he's going to die. There are a lot of viable options here, but while the story's long on setting them up, it leaves the reader to do the work of assigning stakes to those outcomes, and that's really what's needed to have an effective open ending. I can come up with plenty of scenarios where this turns out well for all involved, and the story doesn't bias me away from that, either in eliminating those possibilities or painting them as exceedingly unlikely. So while it sets up an interesting conflict, it's not following through with any sort of resolution, even an indeterminate one. Not giving an explicit direction isn't the same thing as not even giving weight to the various possibilities. That left this story feeling more like it stopped than ended to me, and I have to agree with Cassius that immediately dropping Winky from the story is a mistake. There are a lot of interesting things you could have done with her, but if you're not going to do anything, then leave her out altogether and save that word count for something else.
The one thing leaning me back toward Cassius's interpretation is the choice of title and the related specific mention of a tongue early in the story, though that could be meant more as a metaphor than a literal thing.
It's definitely memorable, and that's half the point. I'm somewhere between Cassius and Gardez in how much I liked it.
The one thing leaning me back toward Cassius's interpretation is the choice of title and the related specific mention of a tongue early in the story, though that could be meant more as a metaphor than a literal thing.
It's definitely memorable, and that's half the point. I'm somewhere between Cassius and Gardez in how much I liked it.
quite a chilling horror story, though I feel that it's a bit incomplete. I'm not sure, maybe I expected like something terrible to come back around to the sister, or something. It feels almost like an incomplete loose end, though I wouldn't know for sure without hearing the author's intentions directly. Maybe later, after the round.
My interpretation here is on the side that it's a parasite, and Blinky isn't originally a changeling. However, I think a lot of the horror comes from the characters immediately jumping to the conclusion that it's the latter, without understanding the former possibility at all. and maybe that's what this story needs just a little more of, a stronger hint of impending disaster or doom, that the frightened, ignorant ponies are about to hit him with. This story is juuuust about almost there, to a fully satisfying thrill.
As a side note, I'm not so sure that the father left because of adultery like the others say. After all, he's an earth pony born to a pegasus family, so it seems to be a few years too late to get mad about that. (unless all ponies have some convoluted family tree explanation like with the Cake's twins (but if she was tricked by a changeling, surely he'd understand it wasn't intentional, because that's the whole thing changelings do?))
My interpretation here is on the side that it's a parasite, and Blinky isn't originally a changeling. However, I think a lot of the horror comes from the characters immediately jumping to the conclusion that it's the latter, without understanding the former possibility at all. and maybe that's what this story needs just a little more of, a stronger hint of impending disaster or doom, that the frightened, ignorant ponies are about to hit him with. This story is juuuust about almost there, to a fully satisfying thrill.
As a side note, I'm not so sure that the father left because of adultery like the others say. After all, he's an earth pony born to a pegasus family, so it seems to be a few years too late to get mad about that. (unless all ponies have some convoluted family tree explanation like with the Cake's twins (but if she was tricked by a changeling, surely he'd understand it wasn't intentional, because that's the whole thing changelings do?))
>>Cassius
Briefly re-emerging from the shadows to comment on this one.
My initial read, following instructions to not look at comments before reading, was largely aligned with the Cassius/parasite interp, right on down to the advice to the author to claim it. (Which is very genuine and helpful advice!) The Gardez interp could also be right, and the parasite involved is changelingism...
... But on further thought, I wasn't very satisfied with either of those reads. There's a smoking gun.
That's not a random turn of phrase. It's a line from the opening theme of The Jeffersons, a famous mid-70s to 80s American sitcom featuring an African-American cast and a prominent interracial couple. And that's our cue for what's going on here.
A second shoutout to African-American skin tones. I think this is about race. Blinky is a half-changeling. That aligns his strange biology, the father leaving, and the focus on the family's poverty. Body horror as an allegory for racial miscegenation is a well played trope - see many of H.P. Lovecraft's works, which played with similar themes. This has the potential to go into unfortunate implications very quickly, so I'll stop the speculation there, and just say to keep this read in mind.
Briefly re-emerging from the shadows to comment on this one.
My initial read, following instructions to not look at comments before reading, was largely aligned with the Cassius/parasite interp, right on down to the advice to the author to claim it. (Which is very genuine and helpful advice!) The Gardez interp could also be right, and the parasite involved is changelingism...
... But on further thought, I wasn't very satisfied with either of those reads. There's a smoking gun.
When he had his wings, he'd be able to fly around wherever he wanted, and wouldn't need special help to get to school, and his family could move on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky.
That's not a random turn of phrase. It's a line from the opening theme of The Jeffersons, a famous mid-70s to 80s American sitcom featuring an African-American cast and a prominent interracial couple. And that's our cue for what's going on here.
They were brownish-blackish-clearish-green, not light blue like his coat.
A second shoutout to African-American skin tones. I think this is about race. Blinky is a half-changeling. That aligns his strange biology, the father leaving, and the focus on the family's poverty. Body horror as an allegory for racial miscegenation is a well played trope - see many of H.P. Lovecraft's works, which played with similar themes. This has the potential to go into unfortunate implications very quickly, so I'll stop the speculation there, and just say to keep this read in mind.
After reading the comments, I'm going to say Changeling, which to be clear was my original assumption after finishing the story and hasn't been changed (yet). I'm also going to note something that I don't think anyone brought up, that being how he's getting lighter. My interpretation is that since his parents and siblings aren't really giving him love anymore, he's effectively starving and losing body mass. However, his excitement and framing of it as becoming a more adept flyer keeps him from feeling the negative effects of that, or it simply hasn't progressed to the point where his 'love fat' has depleated enough for him to have an averse reaction.
>>Ranmilia
Remember also V, the series? Wasn't there a child who was half-human, half-lizard?
Remember also V, the series? Wasn't there a child who was half-human, half-lizard?
>>Ion-Sturm
Interesting. I hadn't thought of that. I took the weight loss as him starting to develop changeling holes in his legs.
Interesting. I hadn't thought of that. I took the weight loss as him starting to develop changeling holes in his legs.
>>Monokeras
There was! I'd forgotten about that series, and several months ago went back through the wikipedia article on it to read the episode synopses. The only bits I actually remember from watching the original series were the ones about that child being born after a difficult pregnancy, kept hidden, growing up rapidly, and developing powers.
There was! I'd forgotten about that series, and several months ago went back through the wikipedia article on it to read the episode synopses. The only bits I actually remember from watching the original series were the ones about that child being born after a difficult pregnancy, kept hidden, growing up rapidly, and developing powers.
>>Pascoite
Pasco, if you have any idea where to find the video of the mini-series that predate the true series, I'd be forever beholden to you!
Pasco, if you have any idea where to find the video of the mini-series that predate the true series, I'd be forever beholden to you!
>>Monokeras
Sorry, I don't know of any way but to suggest the obvious ones of looking online.
Sorry, I don't know of any way but to suggest the obvious ones of looking online.
>>Cassius
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Pascoite
>>Haze
>>Ion-Sturm
D-does nobody else get the impression of bat-pony? I seriously think he's turning into a bat-pony.
Anyway, I'm not a great fan of this one, but I don't wanna punish it due to the exceptional writing skills. Abstaining.
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Pascoite
>>Haze
>>Ion-Sturm
D-does nobody else get the impression of bat-pony? I seriously think he's turning into a bat-pony.
Anyway, I'm not a great fan of this one, but I don't wanna punish it due to the exceptional writing skills. Abstaining.
>>MLPmatthewl419
Isn't it incredibly appropriate that you have comment #419 in the overall numbering?
Isn't it incredibly appropriate that you have comment #419 in the overall numbering?
>>Pascoite
Oh, that's beautiful.
I also have #420, which was the other number I considered when I first made my name.
Oh, that's beautiful.
I also have #420, which was the other number I considered when I first made my name.
So, for all the comments this story has generated, I guess I should toss in how it actually makes me feel.
I don't want to get carried away in the dueling interpretations, as I don't think it was the author's intention to have two valid views on what's happening -- and even if it was, I'm not sure what the point would be. If you want to generate controversy with your story, it should be controversy based on whether or not people agree/disagree with the ideas your story is postulating. But we're arguing because we don't even agree on what's happening in the story. There's an unreliable narrator, sure, and that's great, but even an unreliable narrator could be a little bit more clear about wtf is happening with his sides. It's not that we can't agree because the unreliable narrator isn't sure -- we can't agree because the unreliable narrator just tell us enough.
A lot of the creepiness is lost on me simply because of what I think are some questionable names -- Winky and Blinky? Really? Why, author? Why?
Anyway, that aside, this story has a great voice. Considering how little space there was to work with, I think the author did a great job on an unsettling narrative. The whole debate over the interpretation is secondary to me and doesn't affect my score either way.
I don't want to get carried away in the dueling interpretations, as I don't think it was the author's intention to have two valid views on what's happening -- and even if it was, I'm not sure what the point would be. If you want to generate controversy with your story, it should be controversy based on whether or not people agree/disagree with the ideas your story is postulating. But we're arguing because we don't even agree on what's happening in the story. There's an unreliable narrator, sure, and that's great, but even an unreliable narrator could be a little bit more clear about wtf is happening with his sides. It's not that we can't agree because the unreliable narrator isn't sure -- we can't agree because the unreliable narrator just tell us enough.
A lot of the creepiness is lost on me simply because of what I think are some questionable names -- Winky and Blinky? Really? Why, author? Why?
Anyway, that aside, this story has a great voice. Considering how little space there was to work with, I think the author did a great job on an unsettling narrative. The whole debate over the interpretation is secondary to me and doesn't affect my score either way.
Alright, time to see what all the fuss is about.
*reads story*
*reads Cassius’ disclaimer in first comment*
*stops reading comments to write comment*
Fair warning, I’m dispensing with the spoiler tags, if for no other reason than I’m probably the last one to actually read this story. ^^
So… Blinky’s mom had an affair with a changeling, I guess? That’s the most optimistic way to read this, anyways, as weird as that would be for it to be consensual. The alternatives are far darker, but don’t explain the absence of the father very well. Unless the father is just a dick, which does happen, sadly.
I initially thought Winky and Blinky were nods to the ghosts in Pac-Man, but that’s Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde. Oh well.
I like the subtle detail that his mom lost her job at the Diner because she wouldn’t leave his side for three days while he was unconscious. That paints a pretty grim outlook on life in Cloudsdale, but it’s in keeping with the comment on having to settle for the cheap, waiting list variety of health care. I dig the bleak consistency here.
This was a neat body horror story, Writer. Very vivid descriptions when it comes to him, ah, scratching his itch.
Alright, let’s see what everyone else has to say.
*reads comments*
… hmm.
While I agree with >>Cassius that the mutant/unknown parasite angle makes for a more novel story, I have to side with >>Cold in Gardez on this one. Don’t changelings have a beetle-like shell bit to protect their wings? That’s pretty clearly described in the fourth-to-last paragraph, along with the translucent green wing bit.
I like >>Pascoite’s ideas regarding the possible parentage iterations for Blinky. I personally like the version where the dad got replaced sometime after Winky got conceived, and then the changeling bailed when he realized he might be outed. That’s just me, though.
I find >>Ranmilia’s interpretation particularly interesting, if this winds up being your actual intent, Writer. I also liked >>Ion-Sturm’s thoughts on why Blinky is losing weight.
I guess there’s not much more to say than that until the big reveal. I certainly hope you deign to give this piece a retrospective, Writer. It’d be neat to see what you have to say.
Final Thought: Pro Tip, don’t Google the title right before eating dinner. Bleh. -_-
*reads story*
*reads Cassius’ disclaimer in first comment*
*stops reading comments to write comment*
Fair warning, I’m dispensing with the spoiler tags, if for no other reason than I’m probably the last one to actually read this story. ^^
So… Blinky’s mom had an affair with a changeling, I guess? That’s the most optimistic way to read this, anyways, as weird as that would be for it to be consensual. The alternatives are far darker, but don’t explain the absence of the father very well. Unless the father is just a dick, which does happen, sadly.
I initially thought Winky and Blinky were nods to the ghosts in Pac-Man, but that’s Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde. Oh well.
I like the subtle detail that his mom lost her job at the Diner because she wouldn’t leave his side for three days while he was unconscious. That paints a pretty grim outlook on life in Cloudsdale, but it’s in keeping with the comment on having to settle for the cheap, waiting list variety of health care. I dig the bleak consistency here.
This was a neat body horror story, Writer. Very vivid descriptions when it comes to him, ah, scratching his itch.
Alright, let’s see what everyone else has to say.
*reads comments*
… hmm.
While I agree with >>Cassius that the mutant/unknown parasite angle makes for a more novel story, I have to side with >>Cold in Gardez on this one. Don’t changelings have a beetle-like shell bit to protect their wings? That’s pretty clearly described in the fourth-to-last paragraph, along with the translucent green wing bit.
I like >>Pascoite’s ideas regarding the possible parentage iterations for Blinky. I personally like the version where the dad got replaced sometime after Winky got conceived, and then the changeling bailed when he realized he might be outed. That’s just me, though.
I find >>Ranmilia’s interpretation particularly interesting, if this winds up being your actual intent, Writer. I also liked >>Ion-Sturm’s thoughts on why Blinky is losing weight.
I guess there’s not much more to say than that until the big reveal. I certainly hope you deign to give this piece a retrospective, Writer. It’d be neat to see what you have to say.
Final Thought: Pro Tip, don’t Google the title right before eating dinner. Bleh. -_-
What to say about the story that's already been covered extensively?
I 'unno. CiG's read feels like the better fit (though it does leave the title feeling a bit off and out of place).
Story itself... egh... not a fan of body horror, really. Writing quality is fine and structure is generally fine, though the odd ambiguity with what is happening with his body ends up feeling far more frustrating than horrifying, as I end up trying to sort of work around the descriptions given rather than fully being able to get into the mindset of horrific and gross.
I dunno. I'm left kind of feeling unsatisfied at the end of this story, and I'm having trouble articulating why. I might revisit this commentary later and hope my brain is better.
I 'unno. CiG's read feels like the better fit (though it does leave the title feeling a bit off and out of place).
Story itself... egh... not a fan of body horror, really. Writing quality is fine and structure is generally fine, though the odd ambiguity with what is happening with his body ends up feeling far more frustrating than horrifying, as I end up trying to sort of work around the descriptions given rather than fully being able to get into the mindset of horrific and gross.
I dunno. I'm left kind of feeling unsatisfied at the end of this story, and I'm having trouble articulating why. I might revisit this commentary later and hope my brain is better.
You're all wrong. Only Exuno got it: Blinky is turning into a draconequus, and it's all a metaphor for homosexuality and being accepted by your family. Oh, and Blinky's dad disappears because he was a ghost and secretly dead the whole time. Gosh, the subtext is really clear here, I don't know how anyone missed it.
...
No, but Cassius's interpretation is probably closest to correct. The genesis of the idea was thinking about a parasite that replaced body parts, and then how maybe that gives someone certain body parts they always really wanted... And whether that itself would be a kind of 'cold comfort.' Blinky was just the first name I thought of for a pony when I started typing. Actually a lot of this wasn't wholly planned but rather came together as I put words down. So he got a sister named Winky and then I forgot to actually do anything with her. (I would argue that I do actually like the cutesy names though, because they clash with the tone) The Jeffersons reference was dumb and just something I threw in out of a habit of making dumb semi-obscure references... Sorry, Ran!
I realized upon writing this that changeling would be the natural alternate interpretation (and I had visualized the wings as like those of roaches, which further cements the comparison) but I also thought the story's title would give away the intention clearer than it did. In my mind, this draws a contrast with Monsters, another horror minific I did a long time ago--there's a lesson here about being aware of your setting's mythology and using it purposefully you to aid in your story's interpretation, rather than get in the way and confuse things (though rereading it, I'd probably write that story differently today too). Regardless, I found the diversity of interpretations to be an unexpected benefit, and felt the ambiguity worked in the story's favor. It's always a little creepier when you never know exactly what bad thing is going on, but are certain there's something not right.
Thank you all for the many, many comments and discussions.
...
No, but Cassius's interpretation is probably closest to correct. The genesis of the idea was thinking about a parasite that replaced body parts, and then how maybe that gives someone certain body parts they always really wanted... And whether that itself would be a kind of 'cold comfort.' Blinky was just the first name I thought of for a pony when I started typing. Actually a lot of this wasn't wholly planned but rather came together as I put words down. So he got a sister named Winky and then I forgot to actually do anything with her. (I would argue that I do actually like the cutesy names though, because they clash with the tone) The Jeffersons reference was dumb and just something I threw in out of a habit of making dumb semi-obscure references... Sorry, Ran!
I realized upon writing this that changeling would be the natural alternate interpretation (and I had visualized the wings as like those of roaches, which further cements the comparison) but I also thought the story's title would give away the intention clearer than it did. In my mind, this draws a contrast with Monsters, another horror minific I did a long time ago--there's a lesson here about being aware of your setting's mythology and using it purposefully you to aid in your story's interpretation, rather than get in the way and confuse things (though rereading it, I'd probably write that story differently today too). Regardless, I found the diversity of interpretations to be an unexpected benefit, and felt the ambiguity worked in the story's favor. It's always a little creepier when you never know exactly what bad thing is going on, but are certain there's something not right.
Thank you all for the many, many comments and discussions.
>>sharpspark
>>AndrewRogue
>>Icenrose
>>Cold in Gardez
>>Ion-Sturm
>>Pascoite
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Monokeras
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Whitbane
Everyone doubted me! They said I was crazy. They said I was a fool. But who is the fool now? Who is the fool now, Cold in Gardez?????????
>>sharpspark
This sentiment is why I felt so strongly about the story not being about a changeling. The ambiguous nature of this story where the reader doesn't quite have all the puzzles to ascertain what is going on is part of why I enjoyed and also why it is worthy of so much discussion.
If I may briefly launch into a greater discussion about literature, a story that lends itself to a multiplicity of valid interpretations is part of what makes stories "great", so to speak. An author needs to know what to spell out so that the reader can understand what happens on the surface level of the story, but leave certain factors such as the subtext behind character motivations and actions left to the interpretation of the reader. Not having such things spelled out allows the reader to bring their own perspective and interact with the novel more. It's part of what makes Shakespeare so interesting: there is numerous potential reads for why X character does Y. The action they do makes sense within the context of the scene, and generally the reader knows what is going on, but not always the specifics of why it is happening. They have to infer that information.
Good literature requires making inferences, basically is what I'm saying.
but Cassius's interpretation is probably closest to correct.
>>AndrewRogue
>>Icenrose
>>Cold in Gardez
>>Ion-Sturm
>>Pascoite
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Monokeras
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Whitbane
Everyone doubted me! They said I was crazy. They said I was a fool. But who is the fool now? Who is the fool now, Cold in Gardez?????????
>>sharpspark
It's always a little creepier when you never know exactly what bad thing is going on, but are certain there's something not right.
This sentiment is why I felt so strongly about the story not being about a changeling. The ambiguous nature of this story where the reader doesn't quite have all the puzzles to ascertain what is going on is part of why I enjoyed and also why it is worthy of so much discussion.
If I may briefly launch into a greater discussion about literature, a story that lends itself to a multiplicity of valid interpretations is part of what makes stories "great", so to speak. An author needs to know what to spell out so that the reader can understand what happens on the surface level of the story, but leave certain factors such as the subtext behind character motivations and actions left to the interpretation of the reader. Not having such things spelled out allows the reader to bring their own perspective and interact with the novel more. It's part of what makes Shakespeare so interesting: there is numerous potential reads for why X character does Y. The action they do makes sense within the context of the scene, and generally the reader knows what is going on, but not always the specifics of why it is happening. They have to infer that information.
Good literature requires making inferences, basically is what I'm saying.