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Hm.
Abstained.
I will say this: not funny enough to be a comedy and not reverent enough to be a serious exploration. I’d recommend studying sexual psychology a bit more if you want to write this kind of story, because it comes off as “I’ve only ever seen depictions of pedophilia in muh nipponese cartoons”. I had a lot more problems with it, but until I can muster the energy to read it a second time, that’s my snap judgment on the fic.
>>GaPJaxie
I wish I could downvote comments.
Abstained.
I will say this: not funny enough to be a comedy and not reverent enough to be a serious exploration. I’d recommend studying sexual psychology a bit more if you want to write this kind of story, because it comes off as “I’ve only ever seen depictions of pedophilia in muh nipponese cartoons”. I had a lot more problems with it, but until I can muster the energy to read it a second time, that’s my snap judgment on the fic.
>>GaPJaxie
I wish I could downvote comments.
>>Baal Bunny
I’ll go back on my original comment as I have been meaning to post a new one for a second now: you absolutely did not get a fair review in a lot of places though, to be honest. I’ll ape what I said in the writeoff chat, even as someone who only read the story twice: this is not a case of you not understanding the subject matter or not being reverent enough, as Cass and Trick both pointed out. This is a case of you not having enough time to properly construct the best supporting narrative for the type of story you wrote. I am honestly thrilled that we had such an interesting story shake things up and now I feel bad for abstaining, because overall the story is actually engaging and well-written. It just needs some proper thought and polishing so that it can’t be construed in any way as a mean-spirited, anti-humor comedy.
I’ll go back on my original comment as I have been meaning to post a new one for a second now: you absolutely did not get a fair review in a lot of places though, to be honest. I’ll ape what I said in the writeoff chat, even as someone who only read the story twice: this is not a case of you not understanding the subject matter or not being reverent enough, as Cass and Trick both pointed out. This is a case of you not having enough time to properly construct the best supporting narrative for the type of story you wrote. I am honestly thrilled that we had such an interesting story shake things up and now I feel bad for abstaining, because overall the story is actually engaging and well-written. It just needs some proper thought and polishing so that it can’t be construed in any way as a mean-spirited, anti-humor comedy.
Gotta say that my opinion lines up with Hat and Whit here, the main appeal of the story here is the worldbuilding. The writing is enough to carry the concept and give the emotional arc a bit of a punch, but the real meat here is the narrator and his job. I’d love to see this expanded with more focus on the narrator’s job leading up to this particular event.
Marginalia is a work of art and I'm super pleased it took first. Great work, CiG!
I actually don't like haikus all that much, but Haze, yours were amazingly comfy and very enjoyable to read. Fantastic job.
There was no way Statuesque couldn't have won. That poem was far too fun to fail. Simply beautiful, Pasco.
I'll leave my final thoughts on the other stories throughout the day.
Thank you to everyone who read my entry and took the time to comment! I actually was planning on not entering this one due to the fact that both I and a friend of mine I had shown ahead of time felt the story was both weak and confusing. However, I was unable to pull another story out of my ass, so I just bit the bullet and published this one. And I'm glad I did! This was the first time I've ever made it into the finals! And the first time I've received the "most controversial" award, haha.
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Dolfeus Doseux
I was attempting to bridge the gap of poetry and prose here, and I did it very poorly. It probably would have helped in my endeavor if I'd actually listened to the discussion on poetry that inspired all the poems this round instead of just jumping right to this the instant I heard poetry was a hot topic.
>>Fenton
>>Haze
I wrote the story with the intention of it being able to be read from any of three angles: Starlight talking to Trixie, Twilight talking to Trixie, or Trixie talking to herself. How well I managed to play these off is up for debate still, I suppose. the strongest argument can be made for the Starlight theory, and it's how I wrote the poem at first. However, after a few rereads before submission I threw in some caveats that I hoped made the direction of the story a bit more diverse.
>>horizon
You're also right though. I'm completely baffled as to how this ended up getting into the finals because it really is held back by the vagueness within. This is only about 410 words long, so there's easily room to insert a few choice lines that strengthen the story significantly. While I would have loved as much of a heated debate over this story to the caliber Cymothoa enjoyed, the fact of the matter is Cymothoa is a stronger story that benefits from the mystery, while this is a weaker story that as a poem is already nebulous as fuck and doesn't really need further obfuscation.
And as for the format... yeah, the highlighter comparison is a really good one. I tried to be poignant and punchy—but if every line is poignant and punchy there's no comparison or contrast. I was trying to write it like a song, and as such I had a specific tune in mind when I wrote the lines. Needless to say, I am not a songwriter.
I do enjoy one thing I screwed around with in this story: the rhyme structure between lines. If I try and polish this story up, I'm definitely going to stick to that format. However, I'm still agreeing with what you've said: it's very hit and miss and ends up sapping some of the overall poignancy of the story.
And that takes us right to >>Posh and >>AndrewRogue
How would you suggest I take advantage of the format? In what way would I stilt the flow in order to increase impact? I have a general idea but I'm still pretty clueless, so I'm more than happy to take any suggestions either of you might have to offer.
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>PaulAsaran
I'm very glad you both liked it, it was really heartwarming to see people who really enjoyed the story despite its glaring and obvious flaws, as most of the comments essentially reflected what I was thinking about and obsessing over before I submitted it.
I actually don't like haikus all that much, but Haze, yours were amazingly comfy and very enjoyable to read. Fantastic job.
There was no way Statuesque couldn't have won. That poem was far too fun to fail. Simply beautiful, Pasco.
I'll leave my final thoughts on the other stories throughout the day.
Thank you to everyone who read my entry and took the time to comment! I actually was planning on not entering this one due to the fact that both I and a friend of mine I had shown ahead of time felt the story was both weak and confusing. However, I was unable to pull another story out of my ass, so I just bit the bullet and published this one. And I'm glad I did! This was the first time I've ever made it into the finals! And the first time I've received the "most controversial" award, haha.
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Dolfeus Doseux
I was attempting to bridge the gap of poetry and prose here, and I did it very poorly. It probably would have helped in my endeavor if I'd actually listened to the discussion on poetry that inspired all the poems this round instead of just jumping right to this the instant I heard poetry was a hot topic.
>>Fenton
>>Haze
I wrote the story with the intention of it being able to be read from any of three angles: Starlight talking to Trixie, Twilight talking to Trixie, or Trixie talking to herself. How well I managed to play these off is up for debate still, I suppose. the strongest argument can be made for the Starlight theory, and it's how I wrote the poem at first. However, after a few rereads before submission I threw in some caveats that I hoped made the direction of the story a bit more diverse.
>>horizon
You're also right though. I'm completely baffled as to how this ended up getting into the finals because it really is held back by the vagueness within. This is only about 410 words long, so there's easily room to insert a few choice lines that strengthen the story significantly. While I would have loved as much of a heated debate over this story to the caliber Cymothoa enjoyed, the fact of the matter is Cymothoa is a stronger story that benefits from the mystery, while this is a weaker story that as a poem is already nebulous as fuck and doesn't really need further obfuscation.
And as for the format... yeah, the highlighter comparison is a really good one. I tried to be poignant and punchy—but if every line is poignant and punchy there's no comparison or contrast. I was trying to write it like a song, and as such I had a specific tune in mind when I wrote the lines. Needless to say, I am not a songwriter.
I do enjoy one thing I screwed around with in this story: the rhyme structure between lines. If I try and polish this story up, I'm definitely going to stick to that format. However, I'm still agreeing with what you've said: it's very hit and miss and ends up sapping some of the overall poignancy of the story.
And that takes us right to >>Posh and >>AndrewRogue
How would you suggest I take advantage of the format? In what way would I stilt the flow in order to increase impact? I have a general idea but I'm still pretty clueless, so I'm more than happy to take any suggestions either of you might have to offer.
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>PaulAsaran
I'm very glad you both liked it, it was really heartwarming to see people who really enjoyed the story despite its glaring and obvious flaws, as most of the comments essentially reflected what I was thinking about and obsessing over before I submitted it.
It made me laugh, and I really appreciate the joke, but I hope you understand that I can't place this at anywhere except the bottom.
I actually really liked the strange combination of seriousness and comedy, and that part at the end was the perfect weird twist that made the entire thing even better imo. You wrote the Nightmare really well, I could almost imagine a bit of South Park Saddam in it especially during the seduction.
This one is going to hit the top of my slate, that was really good.
This one is going to hit the top of my slate, that was really good.
HELLO WISCONSIN!
That was joyous. Ember and Thorax played really well off each other—hell, by the end i half expected them to kiss, given the level of chemistry going on. But that’s just me having been spoiled by this fandom, heh.
Worldbuilding was great, little bits about Ember’s past was great, characters’ voices came through clearly as them and always with something relevant to say—great work, author. The humor was also absolutely my style, although if theres one thing about this story that could be toned down, it’s the crassness. However, I’m even hesistent to say that, because some of the blatant crudeness is just side-splitting.
And god dammit, the pirate captain linking in to Ember’s illiteracy. Absolute gold.
That was joyous. Ember and Thorax played really well off each other—hell, by the end i half expected them to kiss, given the level of chemistry going on. But that’s just me having been spoiled by this fandom, heh.
Worldbuilding was great, little bits about Ember’s past was great, characters’ voices came through clearly as them and always with something relevant to say—great work, author. The humor was also absolutely my style, although if theres one thing about this story that could be toned down, it’s the crassness. However, I’m even hesistent to say that, because some of the blatant crudeness is just side-splitting.
And god dammit, the pirate captain linking in to Ember’s illiteracy. Absolute gold.
>>Ranmilia
Except you know, when someone actively tells someone to fuck off and belittles them for trying something they don’t like. I’m thinking a harsh response to that kind of review is completely justified.
(And a few commentors getting harassed, as I was, for posting honest but negative reactions to this piece. Stop doing that, people. Seriously. Cut it out.)
Except you know, when someone actively tells someone to fuck off and belittles them for trying something they don’t like. I’m thinking a harsh response to that kind of review is completely justified.
God I love you, whoever did this.
The artstyle makes it endlessly funnier, and it's adorable on top of it all.
The artstyle makes it endlessly funnier, and it's adorable on top of it all.