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It's a Good Life
Submitted for your consideration: The town of Ponyville. At first glance, just a sleepy suburb lying in the shadow of Canterlot. Smaller homes, smaller businesses, smaller princess. But it is that princess and her friends who embody what makes this little village so unique. Indeed, because of her, you might even call this place… the Twi—
“Uncle Rod! You said you wanted to get away from work!”
Sterling Rod blinked, looked down, and smiled. “And now you see why, Spoony. It’s a hard habit to break.”
“What do you even do?” Diamond Tiara frowned at his cutie mark, a silver presentation pointer pointed at a landscape.
“I am a Narrator,” said the earth stallion.
Silver nodded and beamed. “The number-two Narrator in all of Equestria!”
Diamond rolled her eyes. “I’ll never understand your family’s weird obsession with only ever being second-best.”
“It’s like it says on our coat of arms. Nos conantur magis.”
“‘We try harder,’” said Rod. He took on a distant look, his voice a steady cadence. “As Argentum Avis famously declared when—“
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “Uncle Rod, nopony wants to hear that story.”
Rod chuckled. “In any case, given who number one is, it’s quite the accomplishment.”
“What do narrators even do?” said Diamond. “Just tell stories all the time?”
“We help the world. Weatherponies help the rain fall. Farmers help plants grow. Narrators help stories get told.”
“Isn’t that what I said?”
Rod shook his head. “Not quite. There’s a lot of magical theory and philosophy behind it.”
“But it’s totally important!” said Silver.
Rod nodded. “They say the first and greatest Narrator of all is Princess Celestia herself. She established all of Equestria, describing the whole world into being. In the beginning—”
Silver nudged him. “No stories about stories, Uncle Rod. You said those never end well.”
“There’s an exception now and again, but that’s true for the most part.” He smiled and ruffled her mane. “Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow, Spoony.”
Diamond Tiara bore a thoughtful look. “Who said all that, anyway?”
“Oral tradition.”
Both fillies groaned. “Are you taking us to Sugarcube Corner or not?” said Diamond.
“All right, all right.” Rod lit a cigarette, a complicated maneuver that involved juggling the pack and a hoof-lit match that he performed with the ease of long habit. Neither filly quite saw where he put the pack afterwards; it couldn’t have been his mane, close-cropped as it was.
Of course, both were Ponyvillains. They’d seen far stranger, and that was just last week. “Mom says smoking’s a filthy habit,” said Silver Spoon.
Rod shrugged. “She’s right, but somepony’s got to keep the tobacco farmers employed.”
Diamond Tiara wrinkled her muzzle. “Why?”
“Well, it’s a funny story—“
“No, Uncle Rod.”
“Uncle Rod! You said you wanted to get away from work!”
Sterling Rod blinked, looked down, and smiled. “And now you see why, Spoony. It’s a hard habit to break.”
“What do you even do?” Diamond Tiara frowned at his cutie mark, a silver presentation pointer pointed at a landscape.
“I am a Narrator,” said the earth stallion.
Silver nodded and beamed. “The number-two Narrator in all of Equestria!”
Diamond rolled her eyes. “I’ll never understand your family’s weird obsession with only ever being second-best.”
“It’s like it says on our coat of arms. Nos conantur magis.”
“‘We try harder,’” said Rod. He took on a distant look, his voice a steady cadence. “As Argentum Avis famously declared when—“
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “Uncle Rod, nopony wants to hear that story.”
Rod chuckled. “In any case, given who number one is, it’s quite the accomplishment.”
“What do narrators even do?” said Diamond. “Just tell stories all the time?”
“We help the world. Weatherponies help the rain fall. Farmers help plants grow. Narrators help stories get told.”
“Isn’t that what I said?”
Rod shook his head. “Not quite. There’s a lot of magical theory and philosophy behind it.”
“But it’s totally important!” said Silver.
Rod nodded. “They say the first and greatest Narrator of all is Princess Celestia herself. She established all of Equestria, describing the whole world into being. In the beginning—”
Silver nudged him. “No stories about stories, Uncle Rod. You said those never end well.”
“There’s an exception now and again, but that’s true for the most part.” He smiled and ruffled her mane. “Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow, Spoony.”
Diamond Tiara bore a thoughtful look. “Who said all that, anyway?”
“Oral tradition.”
Both fillies groaned. “Are you taking us to Sugarcube Corner or not?” said Diamond.
“All right, all right.” Rod lit a cigarette, a complicated maneuver that involved juggling the pack and a hoof-lit match that he performed with the ease of long habit. Neither filly quite saw where he put the pack afterwards; it couldn’t have been his mane, close-cropped as it was.
Of course, both were Ponyvillains. They’d seen far stranger, and that was just last week. “Mom says smoking’s a filthy habit,” said Silver Spoon.
Rod shrugged. “She’s right, but somepony’s got to keep the tobacco farmers employed.”
Diamond Tiara wrinkled her muzzle. “Why?”
“Well, it’s a funny story—“
“No, Uncle Rod.”
This was a good bit of fun, I'd have to admit. Just a fun little introduction to Sterling Rod and who he is.
I think the humorous approach is the right way to play this idea. While it’s not a top tier concept, and it needs some tightening up here and there, I enjoyed it. Good job, Author.
Oh, geez. Cute, funny, fluffy, slice-of-life. Unremarkable in terms of concept, but well constructed and conveyed, with just the right amount of meta, and some damn good dialogue between the characters.
Exactly the sort of thing for which I have a weak spot. I think this may have been written for me, specifically, in fact.
Exactly the sort of thing for which I have a weak spot. I think this may have been written for me, specifically, in fact.
Best OC I've seen this whole contest. (Almost the only OC, admittedly, but still.) I found this very fun to read, Rod and Silver Spoon bouncing off each other works very well.
Genre: Comedy/slice of meta
Thoughts: I fear I must take the minority opinion, as this didn't work for me. There was a key bit that sums it up:
This is clearly aiming at meta humor, but I didn't feel like it had much presence at the level of an actual *story*. I enjoyed the jokes, and I feel like this could be taken in any number of good directions, and there's a clear sense of wit on display here. But it's like there aren't any narrative bones to hang the whole thing on.
Tier: Needs Work
Thoughts: I fear I must take the minority opinion, as this didn't work for me. There was a key bit that sums it up:
“No stories about stories, Uncle Rod. You said those never end well.”
“There’s an exception now and again, but that’s true for the most part.”
This is clearly aiming at meta humor, but I didn't feel like it had much presence at the level of an actual *story*. I enjoyed the jokes, and I feel like this could be taken in any number of good directions, and there's a clear sense of wit on display here. But it's like there aren't any narrative bones to hang the whole thing on.
Tier: Needs Work
Hey hey, a comedy! Like, with multiple actual jokes!
Okay, it's a bit light on the story, but eh, I got some smiles out of it, and the characters are nice.
Light, but pleasant.
Oh, and it seems like these guys should have some sort of dark and troubled history where they're sorta-rivals to Horizon's Versebreakers.
Okay, it's a bit light on the story, but eh, I got some smiles out of it, and the characters are nice.
Light, but pleasant.
Oh, and it seems like these guys should have some sort of dark and troubled history where they're sorta-rivals to Horizon's Versebreakers.
I found myself delighted by the introductory paragraph, and it got a right cuckle out of me. Finding out that it was a somewhat disposable joke was mildly disappointing.
There were a number of moments that took me out of the fic's world, and I don't think it's a good thing. "Spoony," for example, only ends up evoking the image of this guy, which I doubt was intentional. The meta joke about stories was trying to be a bit too clever for its own good, again taking me out of the scene at hand. Finally, the elaborate cigarette lighting trick is the longest descriptive passage in the story, making it stand out… but then it doesn't do anything with the spotlight.
For all my grumbling, I found the humor very agreeable. Silver Rod was nice to listen to, while DT and Spoony were a bit of a mixed bag. Their banter fell a bit short from what I'd imagine children to sound like, acting more like trampolines for Silver to bounce off off.
I do wish we had gotten anything to tie the story together at the end, instead of an abrupt end.
There were a number of moments that took me out of the fic's world, and I don't think it's a good thing. "Spoony," for example, only ends up evoking the image of this guy, which I doubt was intentional. The meta joke about stories was trying to be a bit too clever for its own good, again taking me out of the scene at hand. Finally, the elaborate cigarette lighting trick is the longest descriptive passage in the story, making it stand out… but then it doesn't do anything with the spotlight.
For all my grumbling, I found the humor very agreeable. Silver Rod was nice to listen to, while DT and Spoony were a bit of a mixed bag. Their banter fell a bit short from what I'd imagine children to sound like, acting more like trampolines for Silver to bounce off off.
I do wish we had gotten anything to tie the story together at the end, instead of an abrupt end.
Damnit, you got me! I was already smiling as soon as I saw the Twilight Zone intro happening, and actually laughing by the time I read "smaller princess." Then it cuts to meta, and while I didn't remember the name of the Twilight Zone Narrator, the second they called him "Rod" I knew it had to be him. Quick google confirmed that. Well, "Rod Serling" with no T, but I've seen far worse ponification of names.
Number Two narrator made me think there was going to be some Morgan Freeman reference, but I couldn't find it. Celestia "narrating" the world into being is nicely meta though. I still think it could be in a Morgan Freeman voice or something. Moreover, you could make it number 3, keeping the Celestia bit AND working in some bit about Snapple.
The story gets a tad weak in the middle though, and the "Spoony" name threw me as it did Crafty (though I thought "Spoonheads" as slang for Cardassians in Star Trek.)
Overall, I think this story did a great job at what it set out to do. It's only a matter of taste now as to which genre my brain is in the mood for. I mean, it's really hard to pit great comedy against great feels in any fair way.
Number Two narrator made me think there was going to be some Morgan Freeman reference, but I couldn't find it. Celestia "narrating" the world into being is nicely meta though. I still think it could be in a Morgan Freeman voice or something. Moreover, you could make it number 3, keeping the Celestia bit AND working in some bit about Snapple.
The story gets a tad weak in the middle though, and the "Spoony" name threw me as it did Crafty (though I thought "Spoonheads" as slang for Cardassians in Star Trek.)
Overall, I think this story did a great job at what it set out to do. It's only a matter of taste now as to which genre my brain is in the mood for. I mean, it's really hard to pit great comedy against great feels in any fair way.
A good concept well-handled.
A bit short for all the things you evoked, between the creation of the world by narration (twin of the LOTR world created by music), the different level of meta and the actual story. None is really explained or detailed, the story is too short for that.
Mid tier nonetheless, it was funny and interesting.
A bit short for all the things you evoked, between the creation of the world by narration (twin of the LOTR world created by music), the different level of meta and the actual story. None is really explained or detailed, the story is too short for that.
Mid tier nonetheless, it was funny and interesting.
… Huh.
I can see why the reviews are split on this one. On the one hand, it’s kind of appropriate how it never really coheres into any narrative beyond “ponies going for a walk.” After all, Silver Spoon keeps interrupting the narrator! On the other, as I said, it never really coheres into any narrative beyond that walk. I appreciate the jokes and metareferences, especially the nod to how the series opens, but is there a good story underneath it all? I’m honestly having trouble deciding.
This definitely could’ve used a bit more time in development. It’s fun as is, but it could be even better.
I can see why the reviews are split on this one. On the one hand, it’s kind of appropriate how it never really coheres into any narrative beyond “ponies going for a walk.” After all, Silver Spoon keeps interrupting the narrator! On the other, as I said, it never really coheres into any narrative beyond that walk. I appreciate the jokes and metareferences, especially the nod to how the series opens, but is there a good story underneath it all? I’m honestly having trouble deciding.
This definitely could’ve used a bit more time in development. It’s fun as is, but it could be even better.
I'm amazed at the level of comedy this prompt has pulled out of us. "Smaller homes, smaller businesses, smaller princess" is hilarious.
And lo and behold, straight up bringing in Rod Sterling as Sterling Rod, as a relative of Silver Spoon no less, is one hell of an idea. I am thoroughly impressed. Bit of kinda-gigantic world building, too, since we now know that narrating is an actual job that affects the world state in a meaningful way. Very clever.
And lo and behold, straight up bringing in Rod Sterling as Sterling Rod, as a relative of Silver Spoon no less, is one hell of an idea. I am thoroughly impressed. Bit of kinda-gigantic world building, too, since we now know that narrating is an actual job that affects the world state in a meaningful way. Very clever.
Opening is solid and the idea is interesting, but it really doesn't do anything that interesting, unfortunately. There just isn't a lot of steam after the initial joke. I suppose one could argue the meandering nature is the point (narrator is busy, so no story), but eh... it just doesn't work for me.
Really good open though.
Really good open though.
Hm. Hmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmm.
Comedy relies on a strong ending punchline, and the best comedic scenes have strong jokes at the start and midpoint as well. This entry drops its payload on the start, follows through with some good second-place jokes in the middle, but doesn't have anything bringing it home. If there was one more top tier quality joke at the end, I'd take this as a winner. But alas, such a weak end drops the mood and lessens the memory of how good the beginning was. I think this is very close to being great, closer than most of the comments are giving it credit for. A noble effort.
Comedy relies on a strong ending punchline, and the best comedic scenes have strong jokes at the start and midpoint as well. This entry drops its payload on the start, follows through with some good second-place jokes in the middle, but doesn't have anything bringing it home. If there was one more top tier quality joke at the end, I'd take this as a winner. But alas, such a weak end drops the mood and lessens the memory of how good the beginning was. I think this is very close to being great, closer than most of the comments are giving it credit for. A noble effort.
As usual, I'm late to the comment party, and everything has already been said. All I can add is.. Rod Sterling? Silver Spoon's uncle Sterling Rod? Brilliant!
It's a Good Life
I actually had two ideas this round. The first was a Lost Cities-style exploration of human Twilight's lab on the night she first detected signs of something going on at Canterlot High, but it just didn't pan out beyond the first few sentences. Don't know if there wasn't enough meat to the concept or if I just can't work with that style, but there wasn't enough time to puzzle that out during the submission period.
Instead, I went with what you've all seen here: Rod Serling in Equestria. No, the man's last name was not Sterling. I just made it that to fit the noun phrase naming conventions of ponies. Fortunately, that quick ponification came with some very helpful implications about Rod's family, and by extension his supporting cast. Throw in a nod to how the series starts and a Versebreaker-esque metaphysical labor force, and...
Well, let's be honest; you get something woefully half-baked. I hashed out the concept, but never really pinned down what I wanted it to be, resulting in something that neither formed a coherent narrative arc nor was silly enough to excuse that incoherence. I'm happy to see that some people liked it, but this could've been a lot better.
As for what to do with it now... I'm honestly not sure. This definitely doesn't seem like something that can work as a full-fledged story on its own. I suppose we'll have to say, though it may end up going straight to Dueling Keyboards.
Oh, and I completely bunted on the title. Didn't help that SPark ponified that episode. :P
In any case, thank you all for your commentary and your time. See you next month!
>>Syeekoh >>GroaningGreyAgony >>Posh >>SPark >>CoffeeMinion >>Not_A_Hat >>Crafty >>Xepher >>Fenton >>Rao >>AndrewRogue >>Ranmilia >>TheCyanRecluse
I actually had two ideas this round. The first was a Lost Cities-style exploration of human Twilight's lab on the night she first detected signs of something going on at Canterlot High, but it just didn't pan out beyond the first few sentences. Don't know if there wasn't enough meat to the concept or if I just can't work with that style, but there wasn't enough time to puzzle that out during the submission period.
Instead, I went with what you've all seen here: Rod Serling in Equestria. No, the man's last name was not Sterling. I just made it that to fit the noun phrase naming conventions of ponies. Fortunately, that quick ponification came with some very helpful implications about Rod's family, and by extension his supporting cast. Throw in a nod to how the series starts and a Versebreaker-esque metaphysical labor force, and...
Well, let's be honest; you get something woefully half-baked. I hashed out the concept, but never really pinned down what I wanted it to be, resulting in something that neither formed a coherent narrative arc nor was silly enough to excuse that incoherence. I'm happy to see that some people liked it, but this could've been a lot better.
As for what to do with it now... I'm honestly not sure. This definitely doesn't seem like something that can work as a full-fledged story on its own. I suppose we'll have to say, though it may end up going straight to Dueling Keyboards.
Oh, and I completely bunted on the title. Didn't help that SPark ponified that episode. :P
In any case, thank you all for your commentary and your time. See you next month!
>>Syeekoh >>GroaningGreyAgony >>Posh >>SPark >>CoffeeMinion >>Not_A_Hat >>Crafty >>Xepher >>Fenton >>Rao >>AndrewRogue >>Ranmilia >>TheCyanRecluse