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Hair of the Sister That Bit You
"Sweetie Belle, wake up dear." Rarity nuzzled her sister gently, eliciting no response from the slumbering filly. "Sweetie you wake up this instant or so help me," Rarity said as she yanked the covers off Sweetie's bed. Slumbering beneath the covers as well were Applebloom and Scootaloo.
"Maybe we ought to just leave them be a bit longer," said Applejack from beneath the brim of her hat. "Little extra shut-eye ain't gonna hurt none."
"I think they've had quite enough rest." Rarity spared a sideways glance at Applejack. "You wouldn't be trying to postpone confessing the 'little mistake' you made, would you?"
"Only thing I'm tryin' to put off is the mess of a headache those girls are in for when they wake up."
"Unless they sleep for the next week I think you're out of luck, AJ." Rainbow Dash pulled her head out from under Sweetie's bed, an empty bottle in her mouth. She tilted her head back, tasting the last few drops inside before dropping the bottle. "At least it was a good batch for their first time," Rainbow chuckled.
"Consarn it RD, this ain't the least bit funny!"
"We're going from 'not funny' to 'downright sad' in about five seconds." Rainbow Dash flew to the curtains and yanked them open wide, letting the light of the late morning sun fall on the girls. She took a deep breath, and then, "HEY SQUIRT WAKE UP IT'S TIME FOR A LESSON FROM THE 'WISH I KNEW THIS LAST NIGHT' CLASS!"
Sweetie, Applebloom, and Scootaloo snapped awake. For a moment they scrambled around in a state of shock. The scramble slowed to a halt as the force of sun and scream met between their ears and bloomed into a migraine. The girls fell back down onto the bed, desperately grasping for some sort of shield against the pain.
Rarity hit Rainbow Dash hard in the shoulder. "What are you thinking? You can't just wake them up like that!"
"May as well make it fast and be done with it," Rainbow Dash said.
"But—"
"—Complaints later, treatment now," Rainbow Dash cut in. "Do you have any hoity-toity flavored fizzy water?"
"I have carbonated citrus beverages, yes," Rarity replied.
"Great. Go grab that, and some aspirin if you any. Applejack, you..."
Applejack turned from looking at the girls writhing on the bed, their heads now huddled beneath a single pillow. "Who the what now? Where'd Rarity run off—"
"—Pity party later, sisters now." Rainbow flicked the brim of AJ's hat. "Time to finish getting them up." Rainbow closed the curtains up again. "You're on pillow duty."
"Fine, fine." AJ yanked the pillow off the top of the girls' heads, exposing their frightened red eyes to the world.
"What's wrong with us?" Sweetie asked.
"Maybe we're sick or something," Scootaloo answered as she rolled herself upright.
"You're in the throws of your first hangover," Rarity said as she walked back into the room, floating several fancy green bottles of water beside her. She twisted off the caps from three bottles and handed them over to the girls. They each took a long, greedy drink.
"What's a 'hangover?'" Applebloom asked.
"It's what happens after a pony drinks too much alcohol," Applejack answered. "By the looks of the bottle Rainbow Dash pulled out from under Sweetie's bed you three are hurtin' something fierce."
"But we didn't have any alcohol, we swear!" Applebloom looked back and forth to Sweetie and Scootaloo, each nodding in turn. "We split the bottle of cider you gave me last night and that's it. Promise that's all." Tears began pooling in the corner of Applebloom's eyes.
"Calm down there, Sugarcube, y'all didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who messed up. Wasn't watchin' what I was doin' last night and I mislabeled a whole crate of our special hard cider with the regular stickers. Damned fool of a screw up, Ah could'a made a mess a folk sicker than a herd of motion sick Pegasus on the first day o' flight school and then we'd really be down a—
Rainbow Dash elbowed Applejack in the ribs, just hard enough to bring her back to there and now.
"Right. What I'm tryin' to say is: I'm sorry. I'd like to make it up to you, if there's any way I can."
The three fillies look at each other for a few moments, talking in the silent way best friends sometimes do. They nod, having reached consensus, and say together, "breakfast."
"Maybe we ought to just leave them be a bit longer," said Applejack from beneath the brim of her hat. "Little extra shut-eye ain't gonna hurt none."
"I think they've had quite enough rest." Rarity spared a sideways glance at Applejack. "You wouldn't be trying to postpone confessing the 'little mistake' you made, would you?"
"Only thing I'm tryin' to put off is the mess of a headache those girls are in for when they wake up."
"Unless they sleep for the next week I think you're out of luck, AJ." Rainbow Dash pulled her head out from under Sweetie's bed, an empty bottle in her mouth. She tilted her head back, tasting the last few drops inside before dropping the bottle. "At least it was a good batch for their first time," Rainbow chuckled.
"Consarn it RD, this ain't the least bit funny!"
"We're going from 'not funny' to 'downright sad' in about five seconds." Rainbow Dash flew to the curtains and yanked them open wide, letting the light of the late morning sun fall on the girls. She took a deep breath, and then, "HEY SQUIRT WAKE UP IT'S TIME FOR A LESSON FROM THE 'WISH I KNEW THIS LAST NIGHT' CLASS!"
Sweetie, Applebloom, and Scootaloo snapped awake. For a moment they scrambled around in a state of shock. The scramble slowed to a halt as the force of sun and scream met between their ears and bloomed into a migraine. The girls fell back down onto the bed, desperately grasping for some sort of shield against the pain.
Rarity hit Rainbow Dash hard in the shoulder. "What are you thinking? You can't just wake them up like that!"
"May as well make it fast and be done with it," Rainbow Dash said.
"But—"
"—Complaints later, treatment now," Rainbow Dash cut in. "Do you have any hoity-toity flavored fizzy water?"
"I have carbonated citrus beverages, yes," Rarity replied.
"Great. Go grab that, and some aspirin if you any. Applejack, you..."
Applejack turned from looking at the girls writhing on the bed, their heads now huddled beneath a single pillow. "Who the what now? Where'd Rarity run off—"
"—Pity party later, sisters now." Rainbow flicked the brim of AJ's hat. "Time to finish getting them up." Rainbow closed the curtains up again. "You're on pillow duty."
"Fine, fine." AJ yanked the pillow off the top of the girls' heads, exposing their frightened red eyes to the world.
"What's wrong with us?" Sweetie asked.
"Maybe we're sick or something," Scootaloo answered as she rolled herself upright.
"You're in the throws of your first hangover," Rarity said as she walked back into the room, floating several fancy green bottles of water beside her. She twisted off the caps from three bottles and handed them over to the girls. They each took a long, greedy drink.
"What's a 'hangover?'" Applebloom asked.
"It's what happens after a pony drinks too much alcohol," Applejack answered. "By the looks of the bottle Rainbow Dash pulled out from under Sweetie's bed you three are hurtin' something fierce."
"But we didn't have any alcohol, we swear!" Applebloom looked back and forth to Sweetie and Scootaloo, each nodding in turn. "We split the bottle of cider you gave me last night and that's it. Promise that's all." Tears began pooling in the corner of Applebloom's eyes.
"Calm down there, Sugarcube, y'all didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who messed up. Wasn't watchin' what I was doin' last night and I mislabeled a whole crate of our special hard cider with the regular stickers. Damned fool of a screw up, Ah could'a made a mess a folk sicker than a herd of motion sick Pegasus on the first day o' flight school and then we'd really be down a—
Rainbow Dash elbowed Applejack in the ribs, just hard enough to bring her back to there and now.
"Right. What I'm tryin' to say is: I'm sorry. I'd like to make it up to you, if there's any way I can."
The three fillies look at each other for a few moments, talking in the silent way best friends sometimes do. They nod, having reached consensus, and say together, "breakfast."
Well, that’s certainly an attention grabbing title.
I like the premise of this one; it feels like something that could happen were the show targeted at a slightly older audience. It still needs some polish, especially the abrupt shift to present tense in the last line, but there’s definite promise here. Plus, it actually feels complete, which is always a plus.
I like the premise of this one; it feels like something that could happen were the show targeted at a slightly older audience. It still needs some polish, especially the abrupt shift to present tense in the last line, but there’s definite promise here. Plus, it actually feels complete, which is always a plus.
Wow. Okay that was a thing. While it was one scene it did try to pull more material into the mix by recreating the events that happened last night. Thought it was just one mislabled drink passed onto the kids. I got a couple of questions for this one. Other than that this was a joy to read. The trouble of having underaged drinkers in your house and having the responsibility to teach them from right from wrong. Now, with the precious three affected by the alcoholic drink we come to find that AJ, RD, and Rarity have come to not only scold them but somehow make them feel better form the poisonous effect (Don't argue with me! It's labeled as a poisonous drug! Thus in-TOXIC-ation.) The flow of the story plays out well with a single scene and the characters all blend quite well with there being six of them. The CMC actually feeling a little hollowed out, which is understandable.
Now question time! Why are they being scolded if it was somepony else's fault? How come they didn't know it was hard cider aside from the regular cider drinks? Applebloom should have known better, which is probably why they were in trouble in the first place right? It feels like Applejack and Rarity kinda switched roles here. AJ would have known AB could tell from hard from regular and so she should have been angry at the little hidden secret and I can see Rarity being more of a defensive type while still somewhat angry. I felt like you cheated a bit with the initials for Rainbow Dash and Applejack, but overall good read. Thought I felt like some points fell short here that doesn't explain the entirety of the story here. Aj would be apologetic but I still don't see how the truth could avoid her at this point. Especially since it's her and her brother that double check the crates themselves with Granny smith acting like the big boss and making sure she bottled them properly.
Now question time! Why are they being scolded if it was somepony else's fault? How come they didn't know it was hard cider aside from the regular cider drinks? Applebloom should have known better, which is probably why they were in trouble in the first place right? It feels like Applejack and Rarity kinda switched roles here. AJ would have known AB could tell from hard from regular and so she should have been angry at the little hidden secret and I can see Rarity being more of a defensive type while still somewhat angry. I felt like you cheated a bit with the initials for Rainbow Dash and Applejack, but overall good read. Thought I felt like some points fell short here that doesn't explain the entirety of the story here. Aj would be apologetic but I still don't see how the truth could avoid her at this point. Especially since it's her and her brother that double check the crates themselves with Granny smith acting like the big boss and making sure she bottled them properly.
I couldn't help but feel disoriented through the first half. It wasn't exactly clear to me that this was an alcohol-induced hangover until halfway through, when they explcitl stated it was due to alcohol. I looked through to see if there was enough of a hint of the alcohol but that was up when Rainbow says "for their first time". I don't know if that's enough of a hint. It still could've been some potion for all I know. They don't even say it's cider until later.
Now, I'm sure readers more perceptive than me will pick that up. It's a pretty recognizable hangover-type story, after all (and it's an obvious interpretation of "The Morning After"), and I think most people could pick it up. But I think I would've appreciated more of a hint, because I was trying to figure out the AJ's mistake bit and the CMC-headache bit at the same time and was getting distracted.
On that note, it is a typical hangover-type story. The only thing that made it non-typical was the "AJ's mistake" bit, which doesn't feel all that innovative by itself? There wasn't much else that led me to enjoy the story. The jokes in here didn't really land for me (the breakfast line, for example). The hangover stuff by itself can be relatable, sure, but that alone isn't enough to make me laugh or entertain me otherwise. So, this story didn't do much for me.
Side note: isn't "hair of the dog that bit you" in reference to: if you get a hangover, more alcohol is the solution? (In theory, that is but I doubt that's the case). Just seemed like a title that didn't exactly fit. Or is it that the sisters are the cure for helping them through the hangover? I dunno.
Now, I'm sure readers more perceptive than me will pick that up. It's a pretty recognizable hangover-type story, after all (and it's an obvious interpretation of "The Morning After"), and I think most people could pick it up. But I think I would've appreciated more of a hint, because I was trying to figure out the AJ's mistake bit and the CMC-headache bit at the same time and was getting distracted.
On that note, it is a typical hangover-type story. The only thing that made it non-typical was the "AJ's mistake" bit, which doesn't feel all that innovative by itself? There wasn't much else that led me to enjoy the story. The jokes in here didn't really land for me (the breakfast line, for example). The hangover stuff by itself can be relatable, sure, but that alone isn't enough to make me laugh or entertain me otherwise. So, this story didn't do much for me.
Side note: isn't "hair of the dog that bit you" in reference to: if you get a hangover, more alcohol is the solution? (In theory, that is but I doubt that's the case). Just seemed like a title that didn't exactly fit. Or is it that the sisters are the cure for helping them through the hangover? I dunno.
This is an interesting slice of life, but I'm a little confused about why they're handling the CMC so roughly when the situation isn't their fault. AJ should be WAY more apologetic than this, even if it was an honest (heh) mistake. In general, they're not being up front with the fillies, and I get the feeling it's because you're trying to turn this into a twist (making it seem like they're in trouble at first, then not). I don't think it's a good twist here because it makes the approach the mares are using seem very unsettling considering what's happening.
At the end of the story, I don't feel like there's been a strong conclusion. Something here needs to grow or change, and it should probably pertain to the relationship between the CMC and their sisters (or at least AJ).
Separately, I'm confused how somepony could have a hangover from a quantity of cider too small for them to realize they were drunk (or that something strange was going on).
At the end of the story, I don't feel like there's been a strong conclusion. Something here needs to grow or change, and it should probably pertain to the relationship between the CMC and their sisters (or at least AJ).
Separately, I'm confused how somepony could have a hangover from a quantity of cider too small for them to realize they were drunk (or that something strange was going on).
Before I get started:
Neigh, 'tis throes, good sir, madam, or what have you!
Genre: Slice of life
Thoughts: There's lots of potential in the setup here. This is also a complete story, which always earns goodwill from me in a minific round.
I regret to say that there are some nitpicky things that make it hard for me to fully get into this. The first thing is the quantity of alcohol in question here; it's implausible that that would do much of anything to the girls, much less get them totally hung over. There's also the question of Apple Bloom knowing about hard cider... it seems reasonable that she might, and if she doesn't, that's worth drawing big attention to. Then there's Rarity seeming stern with Sweetie, and Applejack not seeming nearly penitent enough... IMO this would work much better if more of those things were tightened up.
But the thing is, none of that is too hard to fix. Once fixed, I think this will be strong indeed.
Tier: Almost There
throws
Neigh, 'tis throes, good sir, madam, or what have you!
Genre: Slice of life
Thoughts: There's lots of potential in the setup here. This is also a complete story, which always earns goodwill from me in a minific round.
I regret to say that there are some nitpicky things that make it hard for me to fully get into this. The first thing is the quantity of alcohol in question here; it's implausible that that would do much of anything to the girls, much less get them totally hung over. There's also the question of Apple Bloom knowing about hard cider... it seems reasonable that she might, and if she doesn't, that's worth drawing big attention to. Then there's Rarity seeming stern with Sweetie, and Applejack not seeming nearly penitent enough... IMO this would work much better if more of those things were tightened up.
But the thing is, none of that is too hard to fix. Once fixed, I think this will be strong indeed.
Tier: Almost There
The title got me, love it.
Rainbow is definitely the type to pull the band-aid off in one quick ripping motion, isn't she?
I reread it to be sure, but there is quite a bit of ambiguity as to whether they are in trouble or not. Until we have AJ confess, it does seem like they went and did the deed on purpose. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but Rainbow's actions make it seem more like "tough but fair" punishment.
I liked it despite the confusion.
Verdict: Enjoyable.
Rainbow is definitely the type to pull the band-aid off in one quick ripping motion, isn't she?
I reread it to be sure, but there is quite a bit of ambiguity as to whether they are in trouble or not. Until we have AJ confess, it does seem like they went and did the deed on purpose. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but Rainbow's actions make it seem more like "tough but fair" punishment.
I liked it despite the confusion.
Verdict: Enjoyable.
Hair of the Sister That Bit You — A — Certainly in character for the three main characters, although I would be expecting a little more abject ‘sorry’ from Applejack, as she’s the one who screwed up. Very nice little interaction here, smooth as her cider. Breath of fresh air.
(and of course my inner pedant wants it to be 'Hair of the Sister Who Bit You') :)
(and of course my inner pedant wants it to be 'Hair of the Sister Who Bit You') :)
Technical nitpick... not enough cider to get three kids drunk. It should be applejack (the liquor) they found instead. That'd do the job.
Second, this being AJ's fault ruins it. The adults treat it like the kids are in trouble, even yelling at them, and Rarity saying "so help me..." If it's AJ's fault, none of those three would do what they did. Well, Dash might still yank the curtains open, but no one would be yelling.
I think this could've been a much better character study if done straight up. That is, the CMC intentionally snuck alcohol up to a bedroom and got drunk. Teenagers do this, and it's a perfect coming-of-age trope to approach with the CMC. How everypony reacts reveals a lot about their characters. Rarity might be mad, Dash would probably think it's funny, and AJ would maybe be postponing punishment for later ("She knows what she did.") Or whatever. Instead, it's AJ's fault. The CMC don't learn any real lesson, we see no big reveal about how the older mares handle misbehavior, and... yeah, it kinda falls flat.
Second, this being AJ's fault ruins it. The adults treat it like the kids are in trouble, even yelling at them, and Rarity saying "so help me..." If it's AJ's fault, none of those three would do what they did. Well, Dash might still yank the curtains open, but no one would be yelling.
I think this could've been a much better character study if done straight up. That is, the CMC intentionally snuck alcohol up to a bedroom and got drunk. Teenagers do this, and it's a perfect coming-of-age trope to approach with the CMC. How everypony reacts reveals a lot about their characters. Rarity might be mad, Dash would probably think it's funny, and AJ would maybe be postponing punishment for later ("She knows what she did.") Or whatever. Instead, it's AJ's fault. The CMC don't learn any real lesson, we see no big reveal about how the older mares handle misbehavior, and... yeah, it kinda falls flat.
I find myself nodding in agreement with a lot of the comments made previously, and conclude that if you tidy up some of the character interaction and little nitpicks (eg applejack not cider) it would be much stronger.
But my main comment is on the following:
You use the past tense for the entire story and then you suddenly switch to the present (present simple, I think). For no reason, as far as I can tell. I know some think it's petty to concentrate on technical nitpicks like this, especially in minifics with a short time limit, but the honest truth is that this did yank me out of the story. And because it's at the end, I get no chance to recover, and the technical mistake is left as my overriding impression.
Please, please, make sure you spend extra time checking your first and last paragraphs for silly technical errors like this.
But my main comment is on the following:
The three fillies look at each other for a few moments, talking in the silent way best friends sometimes do. They nod, having reached consensus, and say together, "breakfast."
You use the past tense for the entire story and then you suddenly switch to the present (present simple, I think). For no reason, as far as I can tell. I know some think it's petty to concentrate on technical nitpicks like this, especially in minifics with a short time limit, but the honest truth is that this did yank me out of the story. And because it's at the end, I get no chance to recover, and the technical mistake is left as my overriding impression.
Please, please, make sure you spend extra time checking your first and last paragraphs for silly technical errors like this.
My title seems to have been popular, so that's a high point for me. Let's break this down now.
>>FanOfMostEverything
The tense shift that you and others noted is entirely a matter of sloppiness on my part. I didn't notice it at all until you pointed it out and I reread this thing a few times even after I submitted it.
>>Remedyfortheheart
It was indeed one mislabeled drink passed on to the kids, but that bottle was one of a whole batch with the same issue. A little extra to weigh on AJ's conscience. As for why they're being scolded, that wasn't really my intent at all. Some of the softening effect was lost during the pruning stage (which was a new phase for me. I'm usually struggling to fill in words, not remove them), and even considering that Rarity's opening frustration is out of place in retrospect, I admit.
I'm no expert in distillation, but I recall there being a potential issue with alcohol fumes, so I'd figure they'd keep Apple Bloom away from that side of things until she's big enough to handle a few whiffs without keeling over. I might be mistaking that for meth though (thanks Breaking Bad) so don't quote me on it.
>>FrontSevens
The "for their first time" bit was my opening clue and the ambiguity until the reveal was intentional. Set up the clue, let the reader build an assumption, then (hopefully) twist it around a bit with AJ being the one who messed up. I like a little opening mystery; if it's something the characters would know by the point the story starts but don't have any reason to hash over for exposition sake.
You are correct about the use of the title phrase, too. I intended it as another clue that the whole mess wasn't the kids' fault, but the limited length doesn't leave a lot of room to let that idea simmer.
>>Trick_Question
Part of the harshness comes from my being terrible at cuts, as I said above, and part of that comes from me (apparently) being a huge jerkass because other than Dash I didn't think anyone was being particularly gruff—and even that has some softer edges in my original cut. Poor editing is no excuse, of course. I never intended to give the impression the kids were in trouble, but I definitely see how that was the common interpretation.
The alcohol quantity/strength issue I'll chalk up to me not knowing how strong a hard cider is. Others have mentioned that "applejack" is an actual type of hard alcohol and you can bet I'll be playing that up in the rewrite. As for the girls not noticing that something was up, I was kind of hoping that would slide under the "it was their first time" bit and that would be that. I fully accept that not being sufficient, however.
>>CoffeeMinion
It's sir, and I am well rebuked in my error. I mostly addressed your points above, but I will take extra consideration in clearing up Apple Bloom's place on the booze side of the Sweet Apple Acres business model.
>>Moosetasm
Still glad the title was so popular. Forgot all about the phrase until I remembered an episode of Daredevil, funny enough. And I used that exact band-aid phrase in the original cut, so thumbs up for reading my mind. I've added another mark to the "not sure if they're in trouble or not" pile, but I'm quite glad you enjoyed it in spite of that.
>>georg
I am gratefully rebuked yet again. Glad you enjoyed your time here.
>>Xepher
You have earned a place forever in my gratitude for telling me that applejack is an actual liquor. That opens up a whole new world of pun and that change makes the title of the story fit even better. My original thought was to play the "kids get drunk" angle straight (cutie mark crusader inebriates, yay!), but I decided that was predictable and thought I'd try to put a twist on it. Didn't work quite how I expected. I can't argue that there's not a lot of growth or character development going on though.
>>Astrarian
I said it in the first reply but it's worth repeating: totally sloppy miss on my part. Present tense is my default gear and I need to work harder at catching my slip ups. Consistent tense use is important and I'm glad you and Fan stepped up and called me out on the mistake.
No finals for me this time but feedback knows no price. Thanks to everyone for the comments.
>>FanOfMostEverything
The tense shift that you and others noted is entirely a matter of sloppiness on my part. I didn't notice it at all until you pointed it out and I reread this thing a few times even after I submitted it.
>>Remedyfortheheart
It was indeed one mislabeled drink passed on to the kids, but that bottle was one of a whole batch with the same issue. A little extra to weigh on AJ's conscience. As for why they're being scolded, that wasn't really my intent at all. Some of the softening effect was lost during the pruning stage (which was a new phase for me. I'm usually struggling to fill in words, not remove them), and even considering that Rarity's opening frustration is out of place in retrospect, I admit.
I'm no expert in distillation, but I recall there being a potential issue with alcohol fumes, so I'd figure they'd keep Apple Bloom away from that side of things until she's big enough to handle a few whiffs without keeling over. I might be mistaking that for meth though (thanks Breaking Bad) so don't quote me on it.
>>FrontSevens
The "for their first time" bit was my opening clue and the ambiguity until the reveal was intentional. Set up the clue, let the reader build an assumption, then (hopefully) twist it around a bit with AJ being the one who messed up. I like a little opening mystery; if it's something the characters would know by the point the story starts but don't have any reason to hash over for exposition sake.
You are correct about the use of the title phrase, too. I intended it as another clue that the whole mess wasn't the kids' fault, but the limited length doesn't leave a lot of room to let that idea simmer.
>>Trick_Question
Part of the harshness comes from my being terrible at cuts, as I said above, and part of that comes from me (apparently) being a huge jerkass because other than Dash I didn't think anyone was being particularly gruff—and even that has some softer edges in my original cut. Poor editing is no excuse, of course. I never intended to give the impression the kids were in trouble, but I definitely see how that was the common interpretation.
The alcohol quantity/strength issue I'll chalk up to me not knowing how strong a hard cider is. Others have mentioned that "applejack" is an actual type of hard alcohol and you can bet I'll be playing that up in the rewrite. As for the girls not noticing that something was up, I was kind of hoping that would slide under the "it was their first time" bit and that would be that. I fully accept that not being sufficient, however.
>>CoffeeMinion
It's sir, and I am well rebuked in my error. I mostly addressed your points above, but I will take extra consideration in clearing up Apple Bloom's place on the booze side of the Sweet Apple Acres business model.
>>Moosetasm
Still glad the title was so popular. Forgot all about the phrase until I remembered an episode of Daredevil, funny enough. And I used that exact band-aid phrase in the original cut, so thumbs up for reading my mind. I've added another mark to the "not sure if they're in trouble or not" pile, but I'm quite glad you enjoyed it in spite of that.
>>georg
I am gratefully rebuked yet again. Glad you enjoyed your time here.
>>Xepher
You have earned a place forever in my gratitude for telling me that applejack is an actual liquor. That opens up a whole new world of pun and that change makes the title of the story fit even better. My original thought was to play the "kids get drunk" angle straight (cutie mark crusader inebriates, yay!), but I decided that was predictable and thought I'd try to put a twist on it. Didn't work quite how I expected. I can't argue that there's not a lot of growth or character development going on though.
>>Astrarian
I said it in the first reply but it's worth repeating: totally sloppy miss on my part. Present tense is my default gear and I need to work harder at catching my slip ups. Consistent tense use is important and I'm glad you and Fan stepped up and called me out on the mistake.
No finals for me this time but feedback knows no price. Thanks to everyone for the comments.
Hey! It's Rao! Interesting another heart filled with love for the art of writing! Lovely to meet you and a pleasure to have enjoyed your entry!