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The Morning After · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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Through Obscurity
Where am I?

Dark oak walls, and a vaulted ceiling. I’m on a couch, or lounge, swimming in a sea of paper. Pages torn from journals and old memories blanket the floor. The world covers a table in the corner, continents and oceans spilling from its broken spine. A notebook next to me, covered in nonsense.

My thoughts are muddled, mired, not my own. It’s hard to think, to remember, recall. I have an appointment with the Princess. Had. 10 O’clock, sharp. What was it about?

No, that’s nonsense. Useless. I hang my head, banish the blur. Think, Twilight. Think.

I pick up the nearest notebook. A cypher, of sorts. Simple. Elegant. Encode, decode, read and recode. Celestia and I used to play all sorts of games with them. Mirror reversal. Caesar shifts. Vigenère cyphers. I blink away tears.

I’m crying. Why am I crying?

These pages have a meaning, I’m sure, but my minds can’t seem to grip it right now. Obtuse. Obscured. My mind. Singular, not plural. Possessive. Mine. My mind is mine, and mine alone, and I –

I had an appointment with the Princess.

10 O’clock, sharp.

What was it about?



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#1 · 3
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
Well, this horror piece would have been much better if the Vigenère cipher was easier to decode...

I ended up more frustrated because I (still) can't figure out the key for the Vigenère cipher.
#2 · 3
· · >>Trick_Question
>>M1Garand8

Text has been decrypted; Pastebin links are on the chat channel.

A creepy tale, and I suppose that it’s not meant for the average reader anyway so I won’t criticize it for being obfuscated. I appreciated the challenge required to unwrap the puzzle.
#3 · 4
· · >>FanOfMostEverything
I was briefly tempted to write my review using your cipher, but only briefly, because doing so would be making the same mistake the story does.

Let's start with good things. You set the mood quickly and effectively, and establish tension immediately. You manage to do exposition in a non-telly manner. The ciphering is very smart. The story is engrossing. The gimmicky parts are clever. The writing is consistently good.

Now, some critique.

The largest problem here is that this is a puzzle first and a story second. Also, the puzzle is hard/esoteric enough that it is completely inaccessible to most of your readers (trust my intuition on this). I can guarantee that most ponies who see this page are going to be frustrated and will want to see a decrypted version, so they can actually get to read the story and see what happens.

Even if you had made this an obvious puzzle, turning the story into a puzzle forces the reader to solve the puzzle before they are permitted to read the story. Even those of us who stand a chance at solving the puzzle aren't going to want to invest the time needed to do so, when we have 49 other fics left to read. You're right to limit something like this to minific length, but you're still asking for a substantial time investment just so we can read the second-half of a tiny story.

Let me be direct: you're a good writer. You don't need to rely on a gimmick like this to make your story interesting and worth reading. It was interesting already. Even though the gimmick fits perfectly into the story you're telling and its meaning and message, the cipher's inclusion doesn't add anything to the story. It overshadows the tale, which detracts from it.

I might have been okay with something very simple, like backwards-written text that goes from top to bottom. But even there it wouldn't be adding anything to the story.

I think I can relate to what you're doing here, to an extent. I wrote something very similar in tone to this as part of my only Writeoff-winning fic. In it, there was a cipher introduced, which became relevant later in the story, for reasons nearly-identical to the ones in your story. (It didn't become relevant later in the original Writeoff entry, but it was expanded upon in the expanded version published on Fimfiction.) But here's the important part. Although I described the cipher in detail, I never put it any images or plaintext of it directly into the story for the audience to see or read. The cipher was important to the plot, but I didn't include it because it would have distracted the reader from the story. It would have been a clever and gimmicky way to enhance the mood, but that doesn't make it worth the cost of inclusion.

If I'd written your story, I would have used no cipher at all. I would have implied the existence of a thought-related cipher, maybe in a way that made the protagonist's descriptions increasingly abstract and fanciful... which might slow down the reader a little, but not prevent them from actually reading the story.

I have a good guess at who you are because you are smart enough to write this, but silly enough to think hardly anypony else would read it. (I no longer partake in author guessing for reasons I've stated previously.)

As a minor aside, I was confused by the "world covers the table" description, because you dip into abstraction when the protagonist is gaining their bearings. Give the audience the same imagery that the protagonist sees, and allow us to come to our own poetic-or-not conclusions.
#4 ·
· · >>FrontSevens
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Pastebin links should be here, with the story.
#5 · 2
·
>>Trick_Question
Here they are (none of them decoded by me, credit goes to Chryssi, GroaningGreyAgony, and Listic):

http://pastebin.com/BV4yycz6 (topmost section)
http://pastebin.com/KUcdym17 (middle section)
http://pastebin.com/wVgxEvY9 (bottom section)
#6 · 1
·
I know it's been said, but this really would be better horror if the code didn't overshadow the story. I actually think it's really cool, but the key for the Vignere cipher wasn't obvious--was it a Vignere cipher?--and I couldn't figure out which way to read the text below that. I got the backwards spelling, but figuring out proper word order threw me. I finally determined that the sentences were indeed reversed, but didn't know they read bottom to top until I read it down in the comments. Even reading it as I did, it was increasingly creepy going through the backwards text, and I loved the atmosphere--I just wish I had been able to understand the story from the get-go. Maybe you can go with simpler codes, make sure you're very clear (to the reader) what type of code is being used where, and if you are dying to use something fancy, like the Vignere that takes a table to solve, at least link to a site that explains how to solve it, if not one that can decode it for you!
#7 · 2
· · >>Kitcat36
Genre: OMG creepy AF horror

Thoughts: Okay, I wouldn't know a Vignere cipher from a hole in the ground, but I caught onto what was happening quickly enough once I got to the end and found the really obvious word that the author was kind enough to include a few times in prominent places. Things got harder the middle, though, and I'll confess I eventually crapped out and read the Pastebin versions.

Then it got creepier. Because... does it read forward, or backward? It seems to work either way. I thought I was reading it backwards-forwards, but then it got so much worse when I realized it might have been forwards-backwards.

Look, I can't disagree with the point that the cipher made this virtually inaccessible without the Pastebin reference, but there's some next-level creepiness going on here, and that deserves to be applauded. I don't know if you could preserve that, though, without all the layers of obscurity; it's like the creep-factor gets dialed up so high because of the anticipation to see more, and then there's the fact that you can't know the full depth of the horror until you work your way back through it.

Tier: Almost There
#8 · 1
·
>>CoffeeMinion
I would like to note that CoffeeMinion expressed basically exactly what I was thinking in a much more eloquent manner (well, except that he figured out the cipher key and I was still unsure). Part of the creepiness comes from the code, particularly the backwards words, which you can read with just a little more effort than normal... Figure out a way to make the middle section more accessible--as it is, it's off-putting to look at, even if you want to figure it out, because it's clearly going to require so much work to solve, that is IF you can--and I'd love just a little expansion about what the bibliophage was, just a few more details (though I do understand you were constrained by the length)
#9 ·
· · >>M1Garand8
Might as well just jump in and start with the most talked about story so far.

Honestly, I don't see a whole lot in the story itself, unless there's more to it than I'm seeing. (What I'm seeing is Twilight accidentally releases a knowledge monster, tries to stop it with ciphers, fails, and it gets her. And now she's off to Celestia, who will either save the day or fall prey to the monster.) But I love the presentation of the story. The ciphers were fun to crack, though they really weren't that difficult. (I couldn't guess the key to the Vigenère cipher, though it was pretty obvious in retrospect. But it was still easy to figure out the cipher by guessing some of the words. (The 10 o'clock bit was pretty obvious.))

I might be alone in this, but I kind of wish that the ciphers had been harder. I would have loved it if it had taken at least a day or two of our combined efforts to solve them. Still, this was probably the most fun I've had with a writeoff story since whenever I last submitted a joke fic.
#10 · 1
·
>>The_Letter_J
The 10 o'clock bit was pretty obvious.

I tried it and it didn't work. D:
#11 · 1
·
As has been said, more puzzle than story. Nothing wrong with that, but... not in the spirit of the contest to me. As soon as I got to the ciphered text, I thought "oh no, a gravity falls fan who's too clever for his/her own good." I love Gravity Falls, but the ciphers I just googled. This is as bad as putting a bunch of untranslated Urdu in the middle of a story. Yeah, we get it, author is smart, but anything that takes me OUT of a story is something that makes me dislike that story.

On those grounds, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give a relatively low score to this one. Thanks to other people's efforts though, I'll also say that the actual deciphered story is rather generic as well. The confusion in the unciphered text already told me the whole story, just with a few less details. That is: "Oh no, dark magic/demon got loose from a book."

Now, all THAT said... bravo for the effort put forth. I think this type of thing stands as an interesting "art piece" and applaud anyone willing to take chances like this.
#12 · 2
·
What >>Trick_Question said. The concept is sound, but the execution is perhaps the worst possible way you could've done it. This is not the way to stand out in a Writeoff, especially for those of us who want to review every story. My thanks to the intrepid cryptologists who decoded the story; it really is quite fascinating once I actually get to read it. The problem is that I wasn't able to until they stepped in. Still, I definitely look forward to your future entries, and to what you do with this one.

Also, it's hard to justify the "locked in a room with a monster" plot when the victim can teleport. Just saying.
#13 · 3
·
Well, basically what the others said. Seems like a set up to flaunt your cryptographic knowledge.

Caesar shifts. Vigenère cyphers.
There’s really no chance at all they would be called that way in Equestria. I appreciate the ”è”, though :P

In a full-fledged version, you could elaborate around the document, like Poe’s Gold Bug or Verne’s Voyage to the Centre of the Earth. That would make sense. But here, it stands like a major roadblock in the reader’s way.
#14 · 1
·
Well, I suppose it's an interesting concept... Though to be honest, I find it a bit more muddled than terrifying.

But the whole cipher thing... I'm sorry, but you're requiring way too much effort from me in order to enjoy this story. If not for the fact that some other readers were kind enough to decrypt this already, I'd have just skipped this one. Rather than a story wrapped around a puzzle, this was a puzzle wrapped around a story. And I'm afraid I've never been much of a puzzle person.

I'd have to say that this is a story that lost itself to its medium.
#15 · 1
·
Through Obscurity — D — Ok, winner of my I Don’t Get This award for this writeoff. Seriously, encrypting part of your story, the *important* part, is not good writing. Grats for the clever way of… totally blocking me from enjoying the story. Ding.
#16 ·
·
Having to look through paste bins to get the entire story took me right of of it. Interesting premis, horrendous execution.