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>>Cassius
A breathtaking tour de force. Thank you for taking us on this journey.
>>Not_A_Hat
Let's mash.
It's a Good Life in Equestria: Twilight's parents are saved from eternal torment when Silver Spoon catches her uncle narrating under his breath.
The Deep Outer Limits: Two alicorns, one flesh and blood, the other silicon and copied engrams, find solace in each other's company.
Is This a Bit Too Literal: On the bus ride home, Sunset dreams of being Pinkie Pie in a waking fugue state.
Snoopy vs. Monsters: The crew of Apollo 10 very definitely never saw a small horse burying a body during their lunar transit.
The Council of Infinite Twilights is the True Crime of a Song, Yet Hope, in Part, Finds Purchase: All Purplesmarts in the universe convene to discuss how much one needs to know about poetry in order to review it for a competition. And to badmouth all instances of Abacus Cinch.
A breathtaking tour de force. Thank you for taking us on this journey.
>>Not_A_Hat
Let's mash.
It's a Good Life in Equestria: Twilight's parents are saved from eternal torment when Silver Spoon catches her uncle narrating under his breath.
The Deep Outer Limits: Two alicorns, one flesh and blood, the other silicon and copied engrams, find solace in each other's company.
Is This a Bit Too Literal: On the bus ride home, Sunset dreams of being Pinkie Pie in a waking fugue state.
Snoopy vs. Monsters: The crew of Apollo 10 very definitely never saw a small horse burying a body during their lunar transit.
The Council of Infinite Twilights is the True Crime of a Song, Yet Hope, in Part, Finds Purchase: All Purplesmarts in the universe convene to discuss how much one needs to know about poetry in order to review it for a competition. And to badmouth all instances of Abacus Cinch.
Looks like I'm still in this. I honestly wasn't sure this time around.
Furthermore, so is most of the top of my slate. Everything I rated at 6 or higher (because I'm an old fuddy-dud who misses the radio buttons) got in... with two exceptions. Special thanks to CoffeeMinion for "Crisis on Infinite Twilights" and to Morning Sun for "The Changelings are Due in Canterlot," on top of the appreciation for all our non-finalists for participating.
To everyone else, myself included, best of luck in the finals.
Furthermore, so is most of the top of my slate. Everything I rated at 6 or higher (because I'm an old fuddy-dud who misses the radio buttons) got in... with two exceptions. Special thanks to CoffeeMinion for "Crisis on Infinite Twilights" and to Morning Sun for "The Changelings are Due in Canterlot," on top of the appreciation for all our non-finalists for participating.
To everyone else, myself included, best of luck in the finals.
>>FanOfMostEverything
The love is appreciated, man. ❤️
Congrats to our finalists! I'll get a retro up for mine tonight.
The love is appreciated, man. ❤️
Congrats to our finalists! I'll get a retro up for mine tonight.
Hey, belated mini-retro. Good luck to all finalists!
The Twilight Show
There’s not much to say about that little story. I had this idea loitering for a while in a corner of my mind, and it was nice to be able to put it down. I gladly hand it to you that it was exposition dumpy, the dialogue was a pretext to stuff as much information as possible. I appreciate you all finding it nicely written (except HatANot, but thanks for nitpicking) — thanks from the bottom of my heart. On the other hand, I was somewhat put off by the many comments that said something along the lines of “it breaks canon”. What of it? It made it sound as if breaking canon meant blasphemy! :P
In any case, I don’t think I’ll have time to tackle the two upcoming short story rounds, so more likely I say until next minific round. Meanwhile, have fun!
The Twilight Show
There’s not much to say about that little story. I had this idea loitering for a while in a corner of my mind, and it was nice to be able to put it down. I gladly hand it to you that it was exposition dumpy, the dialogue was a pretext to stuff as much information as possible. I appreciate you all finding it nicely written (except HatANot, but thanks for nitpicking) — thanks from the bottom of my heart. On the other hand, I was somewhat put off by the many comments that said something along the lines of “it breaks canon”. What of it? It made it sound as if breaking canon meant blasphemy! :P
In any case, I don’t think I’ll have time to tackle the two upcoming short story rounds, so more likely I say until next minific round. Meanwhile, have fun!
[url=""]Dub_Rewatcher[/url]
[url=""]007Ben[/url]
[url=""]Zaid Val'Roa[/url]
[url=""]SPark[/url]
[url=""]Haze[/url]
[url=""]AndrewRogue[/url]
[url=""]Monokeras[/url]
[url=""]scifipony[/url]
[url=""]FanOfMostEverything[/url]
[url=""]Xepher[/url]
I think that's everyone who commented on my entry, Fallen From Grace, and I want to thank all of you for putting in comments about it. I wanted to contribute something to this contest (sorry it wasn't very good), and I've gotten feedback and suggestions that I'll definitely try to incorporate in my future attempts at fiction.
The story was supposed to be something of a throwaway bit of adventure (kind of like the prologue to an Indiana Jones movie) set in the Nightmare Moon world from 'The Cutie Re-Mark'. Twilight Sparkle, still a blank flank in this world, decided to try her hoof at being a 'real-life Daring Do'...not realizing there really was a Daring Do wandering around. A bad first encounter (not unlike what happened in 'Daring Don't') caused the two of them to become rivals over the years: this version of Twilight is sort of a Lara Croft to Daring Do's Indiana Jones.
Things changed when Nightmare Moon took over, and now Twilight's been trying to use her skills to find some kind of artifact, anything at all, to be able to defeat the Fallen One and restore Celestia to the throne. Unfortunately, she's had to make some unsavory alliances, Cabelleron and his crew being one of them; the same people funding him are just about the only serious group even contemplating revolution, so Twilight had to either team up or try to find a Wonderful Widget on her own. It helps that this Twilight has a slightly relaxed sense of morals from her years of being in more than a few...interesting locales...
With Twilight as a researcher on the team, Cabelleron has begun to pull ahead of Daring over the last couple of years and so she in turn has had to make some...interesting choices. Daring doesn't care much about politics or who is on the throne, only that the items that she finds are dangerous in the extreme and need to be locked away. Nightmare Moon has offered funds and help in exchange for Daring's services, and the dark alicorn really is trying to lock these artifacts away...and the world hasn't really ended...and Daring isn't really doing anything she didn't do before...
So while they were fighting/forced to work together to grab yet another trinket, the idea in the back of my mind was to have them argue about who was worse: Twilight, who has decided to work with an unsavory element that will likely use whatever power she gives them for nefarious ends, or Daring, who has taken up with an evil dictatorship that at least is a 'devil you know'.
...
Now that I look at all of this, I'm shaking my head and laughing at myself. I was trying to write a minific that required that much material to support it (at least I didn't have Twilight and Daring stuffing themselves in an old refrigerator and getting blown across a Neigh-vada test range...), and even worse...
None of that material appeared in story, or at least not much, and from the comments that were so graciously offered, I've think I have an idea where I went wrong (beyond the technical issues, which are relatively easy to fix).
For one thing, I was essentially trying to tackle too complex an idea in too small a space. I should have gone for a simpler idea more easily expressed, instead of doing something that was too baroque (or maybe rococo) in nature and that required more set-up to make sense.
Another problem I had was not providing enough information to the reader. I was too trapped in my own mind (something which happens all too often, I'm afraid) and wasn't thinking of the questions someone who walked into this cold might ask. That was very selfish of me, and I apologize for that.
And then I was trying to be too clever by half. I thought I was creating an interesting plot twist at the end, when in fact I was yet again confusing the heck out of the audience.
I don't think I really had any 'core' in the story, either, as in a central conflict or narrative that would tie everything together; if I did have something like that, I did a very poor job of putting it in.
In my defense, I had been working a lot of extra shifts at my job recently, and due to my schedule I only had three to five hours to think on the prompt and put something together. So I was rushing through it while suffering from some brain meltdown. And there was the fact that I've never tried writing a minific before, which didn't help either.
But enough with excuses: I'm very glad I was allowed to participate in this contest, and hopefully I'll be able to join in again for the next one. I didn't do very well this time, but I'll see what I can do about improving next time.
And is it too late to comment on other peoples' work? I'm still new to the etiquette of this site, and I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I won't be doing anything today, but I have read all the stories that were submitted to this contest and have some thoughts on some of the entries.
[url=""]007Ben[/url]
[url=""]Zaid Val'Roa[/url]
[url=""]SPark[/url]
[url=""]Haze[/url]
[url=""]AndrewRogue[/url]
[url=""]Monokeras[/url]
[url=""]scifipony[/url]
[url=""]FanOfMostEverything[/url]
[url=""]Xepher[/url]
I think that's everyone who commented on my entry, Fallen From Grace, and I want to thank all of you for putting in comments about it. I wanted to contribute something to this contest (sorry it wasn't very good), and I've gotten feedback and suggestions that I'll definitely try to incorporate in my future attempts at fiction.
The story was supposed to be something of a throwaway bit of adventure (kind of like the prologue to an Indiana Jones movie) set in the Nightmare Moon world from 'The Cutie Re-Mark'. Twilight Sparkle, still a blank flank in this world, decided to try her hoof at being a 'real-life Daring Do'...not realizing there really was a Daring Do wandering around. A bad first encounter (not unlike what happened in 'Daring Don't') caused the two of them to become rivals over the years: this version of Twilight is sort of a Lara Croft to Daring Do's Indiana Jones.
Things changed when Nightmare Moon took over, and now Twilight's been trying to use her skills to find some kind of artifact, anything at all, to be able to defeat the Fallen One and restore Celestia to the throne. Unfortunately, she's had to make some unsavory alliances, Cabelleron and his crew being one of them; the same people funding him are just about the only serious group even contemplating revolution, so Twilight had to either team up or try to find a Wonderful Widget on her own. It helps that this Twilight has a slightly relaxed sense of morals from her years of being in more than a few...interesting locales...
With Twilight as a researcher on the team, Cabelleron has begun to pull ahead of Daring over the last couple of years and so she in turn has had to make some...interesting choices. Daring doesn't care much about politics or who is on the throne, only that the items that she finds are dangerous in the extreme and need to be locked away. Nightmare Moon has offered funds and help in exchange for Daring's services, and the dark alicorn really is trying to lock these artifacts away...and the world hasn't really ended...and Daring isn't really doing anything she didn't do before...
So while they were fighting/forced to work together to grab yet another trinket, the idea in the back of my mind was to have them argue about who was worse: Twilight, who has decided to work with an unsavory element that will likely use whatever power she gives them for nefarious ends, or Daring, who has taken up with an evil dictatorship that at least is a 'devil you know'.
...
Now that I look at all of this, I'm shaking my head and laughing at myself. I was trying to write a minific that required that much material to support it (at least I didn't have Twilight and Daring stuffing themselves in an old refrigerator and getting blown across a Neigh-vada test range...), and even worse...
None of that material appeared in story, or at least not much, and from the comments that were so graciously offered, I've think I have an idea where I went wrong (beyond the technical issues, which are relatively easy to fix).
For one thing, I was essentially trying to tackle too complex an idea in too small a space. I should have gone for a simpler idea more easily expressed, instead of doing something that was too baroque (or maybe rococo) in nature and that required more set-up to make sense.
Another problem I had was not providing enough information to the reader. I was too trapped in my own mind (something which happens all too often, I'm afraid) and wasn't thinking of the questions someone who walked into this cold might ask. That was very selfish of me, and I apologize for that.
And then I was trying to be too clever by half. I thought I was creating an interesting plot twist at the end, when in fact I was yet again confusing the heck out of the audience.
I don't think I really had any 'core' in the story, either, as in a central conflict or narrative that would tie everything together; if I did have something like that, I did a very poor job of putting it in.
In my defense, I had been working a lot of extra shifts at my job recently, and due to my schedule I only had three to five hours to think on the prompt and put something together. So I was rushing through it while suffering from some brain meltdown. And there was the fact that I've never tried writing a minific before, which didn't help either.
But enough with excuses: I'm very glad I was allowed to participate in this contest, and hopefully I'll be able to join in again for the next one. I didn't do very well this time, but I'll see what I can do about improving next time.
And is it too late to comment on other peoples' work? I'm still new to the etiquette of this site, and I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I won't be doing anything today, but I have read all the stories that were submitted to this contest and have some thoughts on some of the entries.
>>eusocialdragon
For what it's worth, that does sound like a fascinating premise for a larger story.
Also, if you go to your story page, you'll be able to see all the comments for it. Moreover, you'll be able to reply to them in a way that will notify the commenters that you said something. Just click that curving arrow on the top-right corner of each post.
And as long as the final results haven't been announced, you're always welcome to comment on stories. (You're also welcome to do it after the results are announced, but we're a lot less likely to look. ;) )
For what it's worth, that does sound like a fascinating premise for a larger story.
Also, if you go to your story page, you'll be able to see all the comments for it. Moreover, you'll be able to reply to them in a way that will notify the commenters that you said something. Just click that curving arrow on the top-right corner of each post.
And as long as the final results haven't been announced, you're always welcome to comment on stories. (You're also welcome to do it after the results are announced, but we're a lot less likely to look. ;) )
>>eusocialdragon
I'll say it again.... it was the most exciting story idea I'd seen in years. Lots of people wrote about Nightmare Moon's AU, but who even thinks to explore that setting with Daring Do? and on top of that, having her be a rival to Twilight instead of automatic friend. Very creative there.
I'll say it again.... it was the most exciting story idea I'd seen in years. Lots of people wrote about Nightmare Moon's AU, but who even thinks to explore that setting with Daring Do? and on top of that, having her be a rival to Twilight instead of automatic friend. Very creative there.
Posh's Sexy Mash-Up Mash-Down: Finals Edition
Trial by the Twilight Council: Chimeric Shoggoth Purplesmart, from the Realm Between Realms Where Time Tells Half-Truths, runs a gauntlet of reshelving procedures, proctored by Spike. The purpose of the test is to determine whether or not she may participate in high-level negotiations with her counterparts throughout the multiverse. Special guest appearance by Alicorn Catgirl Twilight-chan!
In the Twilit Safe Zone: Filly Twilight seeks comfort from Celestia after waking from a bad dream. Celestia, not really wanting to be bothered with it, banishes Twilight to Discord's belly button. Twilight decides she likes it there more than reality.
Protagonist Exclusion: Post-apocalyptic Lyra and Moondancer must battle thaumaturgical monstrosities in a calamity-stricken hellscape, caused by Twilight indolently lounging in Discord's navel lint rather than stopping Nightmare Moon, or any of the millions of other threats which seem to spawn at random around her.
(Needless to say, this story and the one before it are in continuity with one another)
The Passing of the Outer Limits: Celestia flings her horn to some watery bint, but misses and accidentally hacks off Asteria's horn while she's off gassing up Betelgeuse. Things are... awkward... between them after that.
No Zoning Permit Allowed: Twilight Sparkle is denied a zoning permit by her cross-dressing father as part of her parents' elaborate sex games. Traumatized, she refuses to leave the castle ever again, and an emotionally distraught Spike must chew and spoon-feed her cornflakes. Sometimes, he wishes he could just end everything for the both of them...
Trial by the Twilight Council: Chimeric Shoggoth Purplesmart, from the Realm Between Realms Where Time Tells Half-Truths, runs a gauntlet of reshelving procedures, proctored by Spike. The purpose of the test is to determine whether or not she may participate in high-level negotiations with her counterparts throughout the multiverse. Special guest appearance by Alicorn Catgirl Twilight-chan!
In the Twilit Safe Zone: Filly Twilight seeks comfort from Celestia after waking from a bad dream. Celestia, not really wanting to be bothered with it, banishes Twilight to Discord's belly button. Twilight decides she likes it there more than reality.
Protagonist Exclusion: Post-apocalyptic Lyra and Moondancer must battle thaumaturgical monstrosities in a calamity-stricken hellscape, caused by Twilight indolently lounging in Discord's navel lint rather than stopping Nightmare Moon, or any of the millions of other threats which seem to spawn at random around her.
(Needless to say, this story and the one before it are in continuity with one another)
The Passing of the Outer Limits: Celestia flings her horn to some watery bint, but misses and accidentally hacks off Asteria's horn while she's off gassing up Betelgeuse. Things are... awkward... between them after that.
No Zoning Permit Allowed: Twilight Sparkle is denied a zoning permit by her cross-dressing father as part of her parents' elaborate sex games. Traumatized, she refuses to leave the castle ever again, and an emotionally distraught Spike must chew and spoon-feed her cornflakes. Sometimes, he wishes he could just end everything for the both of them...
>>eusocialdragon
That sounds like an awesome story concept! Props to you for taking a shot at something big. I'm no stranger to the allure of trying to tackle a big adventure in a minific round, as evidenced by this thing that later got expanded into this thing. Clearly I'm still not resisting the temptation very well. But hang in there and carry on; the main thing is to keep trying and learning things when you write.
That sounds like an awesome story concept! Props to you for taking a shot at something big. I'm no stranger to the allure of trying to tackle a big adventure in a minific round, as evidenced by this thing that later got expanded into this thing. Clearly I'm still not resisting the temptation very well. But hang in there and carry on; the main thing is to keep trying and learning things when you write.
>>Posh
You started something
Now in haiku I say it's
On like Donkey Kong
Dance Dance All Nightmare Long: Twilight is haunted by visions of Iron Will in a leotard, and is filled with a creeping sense of dread that someday she too shall wear one.
The Twilight Council's Happiest Ending: Faced with the ultimate question, Twilight summons the ultimate council. Sadly, Imperator Twilightosa continuously derails the proceedings with her sophomoric jokes about the potential double meaning in Twilight Prime's inquiry.
The Discord Masquerade: Fancy Pants' evening starts awkward and rapidly gets worse as Discord has a laugh at his expense.
No Deep Allowed: Alicorn Probe-AI Twilight-chan tries to remember special memories of time spent with her parents, but the constant vision of her dad in a dress only weakens her tenuous remnants of sanity. (I mean, it might've been okay if it was a flattering dress, but it wasn't, no matter what her mom said at the time.)
You started something
Now in haiku I say it's
On like Donkey Kong
Dance Dance All Nightmare Long: Twilight is haunted by visions of Iron Will in a leotard, and is filled with a creeping sense of dread that someday she too shall wear one.
The Twilight Council's Happiest Ending: Faced with the ultimate question, Twilight summons the ultimate council. Sadly, Imperator Twilightosa continuously derails the proceedings with her sophomoric jokes about the potential double meaning in Twilight Prime's inquiry.
The Discord Masquerade: Fancy Pants' evening starts awkward and rapidly gets worse as Discord has a laugh at his expense.
No Deep Allowed: Alicorn Probe-AI Twilight-chan tries to remember special memories of time spent with her parents, but the constant vision of her dad in a dress only weakens her tenuous remnants of sanity. (I mean, it might've been okay if it was a flattering dress, but it wasn't, no matter what her mom said at the time.)
(tagging >>Ritsuko for threading, but this is general advice/discussion)
Quoting >>QuillScratch for truth, and because it's just that important to work on.
If it helps, this is a problem EVERYONE has. Everyone. I have literally medaled in the last five rounds in a row and this STILL trips me up occasionally. It's not a mistake that you grow out of making — it's a mistake that you learn how important it is, and pay more attention to compensating for.
Case in point: one of my entries this round has been getting comments indicating people missed the point of the ending, which I'll talk about in the retrospective. Another illustrative case: my worst-rated entry ever had a subverted punchline that I expected people to notice, but I cut it off a few words too soon and it flew right past everyone. (I took a poll in the comments: just one reader understood something I thought would be obvious.)
There's a saying you'll hear from the old-timers around here: "Don't be subtle in the Writeoffs." That's kind of our "show, don't tell" — easily misinterpreted and sometimes misused as a prescriptivist cudgel, but it absolutely gets at a deeper truth that 9 times out of 10 will improve your stories. Your readers are not mind-readers. They don't know what you're TRYING to do, only what you WROTE. And there are some ideas that seem like good ideas, but will absolutely fail if you don't add context copiously, quickly, and aggressively.
Yet another case in point: Harmony Needs Heroes. I've written 21 Writeoff short stories, and that's one of only two not to make finals. This probably sounds like I'm bragging, and if so, I'm sorry — but my intention is to point out how crucial the comprehensibility problem is, and how pervasive it is, and how hard it can sink a story despite everything else being done at the top of your game. (I can make Writeoff finals in my sleep — when I don't, it's because I've written a story with big problems. This is one of them. Learn from my failures!)
I strongly suggest reading the first scene of HNH to get some idea of what people must have felt like reading your story — the feedback thread for it was a solid wall of complaints about the incomprehensibility of the opening. What's going on is that the narrator is dragged out of his sleeping bag by a sandspider that snuck up on him while he was sleeping, and he tries to fight it off with several of his friends. That was completely clear in my head when I went to write it, but how is a reader going to know that sandspiders exist, or what they look like, or who the friends are that help out?
In that case — as with your story here, I suspect — I made everything blurry and confusing as a deliberate stylistic choice. I succeeded, which was a problem. Readers need to be able to make an emotional engagement with the story — to care about what happens. If they don't understand what is happening, or (more importantly) if they don't understand why it's happening, then your story is just words on a page. Getting them invested is crucial so that they follow along with you as you answer those questions.
And that, by the way, is why I focus so aggressively on your story setting a good hook. The best writing in the world means nothing if you don't engage your reader.
Essentially, my point boils down to this: if you want readers to reach a conclusion, don't rely on them making assumptions that have little or no basis in the text. Instead, give them clues in the story that will lead them to the conclusion that you want them to make!
Quoting >>QuillScratch for truth, and because it's just that important to work on.
If it helps, this is a problem EVERYONE has. Everyone. I have literally medaled in the last five rounds in a row and this STILL trips me up occasionally. It's not a mistake that you grow out of making — it's a mistake that you learn how important it is, and pay more attention to compensating for.
Case in point: one of my entries this round has been getting comments indicating people missed the point of the ending, which I'll talk about in the retrospective. Another illustrative case: my worst-rated entry ever had a subverted punchline that I expected people to notice, but I cut it off a few words too soon and it flew right past everyone. (I took a poll in the comments: just one reader understood something I thought would be obvious.)
There's a saying you'll hear from the old-timers around here: "Don't be subtle in the Writeoffs." That's kind of our "show, don't tell" — easily misinterpreted and sometimes misused as a prescriptivist cudgel, but it absolutely gets at a deeper truth that 9 times out of 10 will improve your stories. Your readers are not mind-readers. They don't know what you're TRYING to do, only what you WROTE. And there are some ideas that seem like good ideas, but will absolutely fail if you don't add context copiously, quickly, and aggressively.
Yet another case in point: Harmony Needs Heroes. I've written 21 Writeoff short stories, and that's one of only two not to make finals. This probably sounds like I'm bragging, and if so, I'm sorry — but my intention is to point out how crucial the comprehensibility problem is, and how pervasive it is, and how hard it can sink a story despite everything else being done at the top of your game. (I can make Writeoff finals in my sleep — when I don't, it's because I've written a story with big problems. This is one of them. Learn from my failures!)
I strongly suggest reading the first scene of HNH to get some idea of what people must have felt like reading your story — the feedback thread for it was a solid wall of complaints about the incomprehensibility of the opening. What's going on is that the narrator is dragged out of his sleeping bag by a sandspider that snuck up on him while he was sleeping, and he tries to fight it off with several of his friends. That was completely clear in my head when I went to write it, but how is a reader going to know that sandspiders exist, or what they look like, or who the friends are that help out?
In that case — as with your story here, I suspect — I made everything blurry and confusing as a deliberate stylistic choice. I succeeded, which was a problem. Readers need to be able to make an emotional engagement with the story — to care about what happens. If they don't understand what is happening, or (more importantly) if they don't understand why it's happening, then your story is just words on a page. Getting them invested is crucial so that they follow along with you as you answer those questions.
And that, by the way, is why I focus so aggressively on your story setting a good hook. The best writing in the world means nothing if you don't engage your reader.
>>horizon
Sometimes you do want your story to be a puzzle. But, while among your readers are many who would relish a puzzle, most will want a plainly presented story. In a writeoff environment, you are best off letting readers know what they are in for as quickly and clearly as possible, just as Haze presented an entry that was clearly not expected to be interpreted as a standard story.
I like what E. B. White had to say about it, in his expansion of Strunk’s The Elements of Style.
Sometimes you do want your story to be a puzzle. But, while among your readers are many who would relish a puzzle, most will want a plainly presented story. In a writeoff environment, you are best off letting readers know what they are in for as quickly and clearly as possible, just as Haze presented an entry that was clearly not expected to be interpreted as a standard story.
I like what E. B. White had to say about it, in his expansion of Strunk’s The Elements of Style.
16. Be clear.
Clarity is not the prize in writing, nor is it always the principal mark of a good style. There are occasions when obscurity serves a literary yearning, if not a literary purpose, and there are writers whose mien is more overcast than clear. But since writing is communication, clarity can only be a virtue. And although there is no substitute for merit in writing, clarity comes closest to being one. Even to a writer who is being intentionally obscure or wild of tongue we can say, “Be obscure clearly! Be wild of tongue in a way we can understand!” Even to writers of market letters, telling us (but not telling us) which securities are promising, we can say, “Be cagey plainly! Be elliptical in a straightforward fashion!”
Clarity, clarity, clarity. When you become hopelessly mired in a sentence, it is best to start fresh; do not try to fight your way through against the terrible odds of syntax. Usually what is wrong is that the construction has become too involved at some point; the sentence needs to be broken apart and replaced by two or more shorter sentences.
Muddiness is not merely a disturber of prose, it is also a destroyer of life, of hope: death on the highway caused by a badly worded road sign, heartbreak among lovers caused by a misplaced phrase in a well-intentioned letter, anguish of a traveler expecting to be met at a railroad station and not being met because of a slipshod telegram. Think of the tragedies that are rooted in ambiguity, and be clear! When you say something, make sure you have said it. The chances of your having said it are only fair.
Posh's Less Sexy (But Still Somewhat Titillating) Mash-Ups: Finals For Real Edition
Snoopy vs. Dance Dance Revolution: NASA is baffled by mysterious, profane audio of the Apollo 10 crew being put on trial for dancing in a manner which displeased someone called Nightmare Moon (whose legs are apparently fabulous).
A Good (if Abridged) Life: Sterling Rod ruins a game of Twilight Imperium by narrating every action taken by the Mane Six until Twilight asks Starlight to escort him off the premises. Starlight does, grumbling about how she never gets invited to board game night. She winds up in bed with Sterling Rod, and learns how appropriate that name is.
The Meaning of Being Crepuscular: Spectral Twilight waxes poetic to elderly Rainbow Dash about how much more alive she feels at night. Rainbow is too busy looking up the word "crepuscular" in the dictionary to listen. That is, until her glasses fall off her nose and break. But there was time now...!
Awesome! Libs: Rainbow discovers a game of Discord Libs in the castle library, and plays with it instead of studying, trapping Twilight, Spike, and Starlight in an increasingly dangerous game of life, death, and scrolls. Lots and lots of scrolls.
The Happiest Thousandth Home Sweet Home: While plumbing the mysteries of life and reality with the help of Cosmic Squid Twilight (guest-appearing from The Twilight Council), Twilight and Spike venture into a reality where Luna's and Celestia's places are reversed. She asks her existentially plagued counterpart what the happiest ending is, baffling her, and parallel Twilight joins Prime, Spike, and Twilight Squiddle in searching for the answer.
Snoopy vs. Dance Dance Revolution: NASA is baffled by mysterious, profane audio of the Apollo 10 crew being put on trial for dancing in a manner which displeased someone called Nightmare Moon (whose legs are apparently fabulous).
A Good (if Abridged) Life: Sterling Rod ruins a game of Twilight Imperium by narrating every action taken by the Mane Six until Twilight asks Starlight to escort him off the premises. Starlight does, grumbling about how she never gets invited to board game night. She winds up in bed with Sterling Rod, and learns how appropriate that name is.
The Meaning of Being Crepuscular: Spectral Twilight waxes poetic to elderly Rainbow Dash about how much more alive she feels at night. Rainbow is too busy looking up the word "crepuscular" in the dictionary to listen. That is, until her glasses fall off her nose and break. But there was time now...!
Awesome! Libs: Rainbow discovers a game of Discord Libs in the castle library, and plays with it instead of studying, trapping Twilight, Spike, and Starlight in an increasingly dangerous game of life, death, and scrolls. Lots and lots of scrolls.
The Happiest Thousandth Home Sweet Home: While plumbing the mysteries of life and reality with the help of Cosmic Squid Twilight (guest-appearing from The Twilight Council), Twilight and Spike venture into a reality where Luna's and Celestia's places are reversed. She asks her existentially plagued counterpart what the happiest ending is, baffling her, and parallel Twilight joins Prime, Spike, and Twilight Squiddle in searching for the answer.
>>eusocialdragon
Quick FYI, if you reply on your own story, it makes it easier to follow the conversation. :-)
That said, I hope you keep writing. As you said, it was too big of an idea for the minific format, and I think that's your biggest problem. The rest (the technical and other) is just a matter of practice. Keep at it. Like I said on the story, I think you've got an interesting world built in your head. Translating that into text that ALSO translates back into other people's heads it the hard part. But please do keep at it!
Quick FYI, if you reply on your own story, it makes it easier to follow the conversation. :-)
That said, I hope you keep writing. As you said, it was too big of an idea for the minific format, and I think that's your biggest problem. The rest (the technical and other) is just a matter of practice. Keep at it. Like I said on the story, I think you've got an interesting world built in your head. Translating that into text that ALSO translates back into other people's heads it the hard part. But please do keep at it!
On a side note: Would it be possible to separate the general discussion thread from the individual story comments? I know we originally just had FIMFic forums, and it was a matter of necessity to have just one big thread there. But now that @RogerDodger added all this cool functionality here, it feels like a holdover that the main thread is still all jumbled up. E.g. if we want to discuss general themes and the like, it's drowned in the sea of story-specific comments.
>>Xepher I like the current system a little bit more, since it allows people who aren't currently viewing/participating in a story's conversation to follow the discourse (and perhaps contribute, should they see something in there that strikes them).
The rest of the Posh Council concurs.Including especially Alicorn Neko-Girl Posh-chan and Pan-Pan-Pantsu-Posh, from the dimension that noposhy likes to visit or talk about.
The rest of the Posh Council concurs.
>>Posh
Ah, let me clarify: I'm not asking for the "everything" feed to be cut/replaced. I'd just like to have a new feed/thread for "non-story" discussion, to go along with the feeds for each individual story. I think it'd make a lot more sense if you're trying to follow the more general discussions, rather than those of specific stories. Keeping an inclusive "all-contest" thread is still fine by me though.
Ah, let me clarify: I'm not asking for the "everything" feed to be cut/replaced. I'd just like to have a new feed/thread for "non-story" discussion, to go along with the feeds for each individual story. I think it'd make a lot more sense if you're trying to follow the more general discussions, rather than those of specific stories. Keeping an inclusive "all-contest" thread is still fine by me though.
Congratulations to TheCyanRecluse, Xepher, and Corejo! I'll get up a full retrospective of "It's a Good Life" when I get back from work.
Well, a hearty congratulations to our finalists, with a super special shout out to Xepher. Getting three in the finals, and medaling as well, is an impressive feat.
Also: it was you!!!
...
B-baka.
Also: it was you!!!
...
B-baka.
Aw man, that was a really close fourth place. Congrats to the winners, I'd read a surprisingly few number of the top slots so they were a nice surprise.
Also, Haze why did you guess you wrote everything?
Also, Haze why did you guess you wrote everything?
>>CoffeeMinion
LoL... do you have any idea how hard it was to keep silent and pretend to not know as you talked about your story directly compared to mine? :-P
But seriously, thanks. I really don't think "Crepuscular" should've made it, and the fact that it literally placed last in the final round kinda proves it. Though, I really am disappointed I couldn't pull first. Not that the winner didn't deserve it, just... it almost hurts worse to almost-win than to just outright lose.
Still though, NekoTwi still needs to say "meow," not "nyan" because "What's the problem here, meow" is funny in english, and "nyan" is not.
LoL... do you have any idea how hard it was to keep silent and pretend to not know as you talked about your story directly compared to mine? :-P
But seriously, thanks. I really don't think "Crepuscular" should've made it, and the fact that it literally placed last in the final round kinda proves it. Though, I really am disappointed I couldn't pull first. Not that the winner didn't deserve it, just... it almost hurts worse to almost-win than to just outright lose.
Still though, NekoTwi still needs to say "meow," not "nyan" because "What's the problem here, meow" is funny in english, and "nyan" is not.
Congratulations to the medalists; you all definitely deserved to win! And my congratulations to everyone else for their entries and for allowing newcomers like me to participate.
I just noticed something on the site-wide scoreboard. Once this score goes into the computations, I'll have all three medals! Sure, Horizon has like 20 golds and 50 bronzes, and Cold in Gardez has 20 silvers and a bunch of golds. But I'm the first to get the trifecta! That totally makes up for being like 26th overall, right? :-P
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>shinygiratinaz
Pre-Retrospective
Congrats to all medalists! And thanks to those who put both of my stories into the finals in this round. Competition was tough and voting was weird, and I’m glad to have made it this far among such good company.
When the prompts had all been submitted for this round, but before the title prompt had been selected, I sat down to make a story idea for each prompt, no matter how silly the prompt or inane my idea. As I promised, I am now posting this list, though partly edited and redacted. There are some ideas I want to keep for myself, and two got used in this round, which I will include in my retrospectives.
Under The Surface
Seaponies have access to an ancient secret which may be the only hope of saving Equestria. All they have to do to wield it is convince Twilight Sparkle to kill Celestia.
The Unwelcoming
What does Pinkie do when someone leaves Ponyville forever? (death?)
Charon is the antipinkie?
What would make Pinkie want to stop being friends with you?
The Lamest Story Never Told
Why bother? This prompt won’t win. (use that zip file idea here?)
How do I not Meta (Meta(Meta))
And Then, Things Got Worse…
Season 7!
Brickbarrel gag
Degenerating time loop
Flying High
Mac with wings?
Ponies Behaving Badly
[REDACTED]
We’re Not Gonna Take It
We’re gonna leave it!
Twisted sister?
[REDACTED]
That’s supposed to happen.
What does that button that’s on the back of Celestia’s throne do?
Children of the Night
Anything with no batponies!
Shadowcritters, abandoned experiment?
Who Do You Think You Are?
Discord proves to Twilight that identity is trumped by perception.
It Wasn’t a Dream. She Really Is Calling Me to Go to the Lake.
[REDACTED]
The Haze Fan Club
A device that blows fog all over when it strikes people.
Something Coffee_Minion can read to his kids
The legend of Starbuck, cafe-server to the great.
An Oddity
A spaced oddity
What does the button on the back of Luna’s throne do?
[Memes]
Metamemetical Memas
Nooo! My Spheghoots!
And Then There Were None
no words. words words words
no more alicrons
no more stars
no more cakes
Celestia holds on to her sanity with the very last cake in the universe. Heat death will finish when she completes it. She can’t give it up.
Sequels Are Never as Good as the Original
(Make a sequel to someone else’s fic)
All Work and no Play
…make a jackass a dull boy
Finish work on the record player. Press to play.
Praise the Sun!
Celestia braises the sun by accident; the culinary misfortune turns out to be a boon. Turns out the sun is best cooked sunny side up. Sorry to poach a tender topic.
Red and Black
roulette
I see a red horn and I want it painted black
red birth, black life
That’s What Forever Means
sappy romance
The meaning of an alicorn is forever.
The Twilight Zone
[REDACTED]
A Night To Remember
Luna figured out how to (?) and put an asterism in the sky to mark it. She and Twi discuss its meaning.
Fairy Tale
Clyde’s tale?
An Acquired Taste
meat
m3mes
magical resonance
Godshatter
[REDACTED]
Celestia pops in a cloud of feathers.
An Early Spring
Ponies learn tension physics.
Still learning to placate windigoes and achieve wrapup.
[REDACTED]
Kicking the Habit
I won’t be a nun anymore!
The World At Times May Veil Its Blessings
[REDACTED]
Take a Long Walk
around the world
skirt the forest
You Have to the Count of Five
Count von Funf?
…To write a story
Miracle of Love
Oy, how original
…That people don’t strangle each other?
A Glass Case of EMOTION
emotion museum
in case of ennui, pull handle
Hope still trapped inside
Don’t Touch That
…button on the back of Cadance’s throne.
While the Princesses Sleep
The servants creep, playing silly games with the guards (sliding on carpets, etc.)
The Mare, The Myth, The Legend
Lion, witch, wardrobe
Twi, Nightmare, Celestia
Best of Both Worlds
What’s at the lagrange point? Where’s the barycenter?
Bust of both worlds. Tiny aliens colonize Sunset Shimmer’s bacon bits, start an intermammary war.
Random Pretentious-Sounding Phrase
Silly pretentious story!
Pick a Random Conversation Heart and Use It as Your Prompt
This prompt will never win, either.
Squinty face creates a vile idea
is boop the snoot available?
Your Hidden Side
4d extensions?
RD is sick of losing her sides when Pinkie cracks a good mememe. But she keeps a spare side just in case.
Girls go to Boston Market and lose track of how many sides they got!
Stolen Identity
[REDACTED]
Changing of the Guard
Guard steals a little between time to write fanfic. A group of them have kept things going for a while, perpetuating an old story that has grown into a legend. Time to pass the torch?
I Didn’t Look Back at the Wreckage. Let the Guards Find It.
…And I got beaned by broken bricks when the bomb went off.
Burglar steals wrong thing, triggers elemental trying to escape from imprisonment. Destroys other artifacts in trying to contain it.
>>shinygiratinaz
Pre-Retrospective
Congrats to all medalists! And thanks to those who put both of my stories into the finals in this round. Competition was tough and voting was weird, and I’m glad to have made it this far among such good company.
When the prompts had all been submitted for this round, but before the title prompt had been selected, I sat down to make a story idea for each prompt, no matter how silly the prompt or inane my idea. As I promised, I am now posting this list, though partly edited and redacted. There are some ideas I want to keep for myself, and two got used in this round, which I will include in my retrospectives.
Under The Surface
Seaponies have access to an ancient secret which may be the only hope of saving Equestria. All they have to do to wield it is convince Twilight Sparkle to kill Celestia.
The Unwelcoming
What does Pinkie do when someone leaves Ponyville forever? (death?)
Charon is the antipinkie?
What would make Pinkie want to stop being friends with you?
The Lamest Story Never Told
Why bother? This prompt won’t win. (use that zip file idea here?)
How do I not Meta (Meta(Meta))
And Then, Things Got Worse…
Season 7!
Brickbarrel gag
Degenerating time loop
Flying High
Mac with wings?
Ponies Behaving Badly
[REDACTED]
We’re Not Gonna Take It
We’re gonna leave it!
Twisted sister?
[REDACTED]
That’s supposed to happen.
What does that button that’s on the back of Celestia’s throne do?
Children of the Night
Anything with no batponies!
Shadowcritters, abandoned experiment?
Who Do You Think You Are?
Discord proves to Twilight that identity is trumped by perception.
It Wasn’t a Dream. She Really Is Calling Me to Go to the Lake.
[REDACTED]
The Haze Fan Club
A device that blows fog all over when it strikes people.
Something Coffee_Minion can read to his kids
The legend of Starbuck, cafe-server to the great.
An Oddity
A spaced oddity
What does the button on the back of Luna’s throne do?
[Memes]
Metamemetical Memas
Nooo! My Spheghoots!
And Then There Were None
no words. words words words
no more alicrons
no more stars
no more cakes
Celestia holds on to her sanity with the very last cake in the universe. Heat death will finish when she completes it. She can’t give it up.
Sequels Are Never as Good as the Original
(Make a sequel to someone else’s fic)
All Work and no Play
…make a jackass a dull boy
Finish work on the record player. Press to play.
Praise the Sun!
Celestia braises the sun by accident; the culinary misfortune turns out to be a boon. Turns out the sun is best cooked sunny side up. Sorry to poach a tender topic.
Red and Black
roulette
I see a red horn and I want it painted black
red birth, black life
That’s What Forever Means
sappy romance
The meaning of an alicorn is forever.
The Twilight Zone
[REDACTED]
A Night To Remember
Luna figured out how to (?) and put an asterism in the sky to mark it. She and Twi discuss its meaning.
Fairy Tale
Clyde’s tale?
An Acquired Taste
meat
m3mes
magical resonance
Godshatter
[REDACTED]
Celestia pops in a cloud of feathers.
An Early Spring
Ponies learn tension physics.
Still learning to placate windigoes and achieve wrapup.
[REDACTED]
Kicking the Habit
I won’t be a nun anymore!
The World At Times May Veil Its Blessings
[REDACTED]
Take a Long Walk
around the world
skirt the forest
You Have to the Count of Five
Count von Funf?
…To write a story
Miracle of Love
Oy, how original
…That people don’t strangle each other?
A Glass Case of EMOTION
emotion museum
in case of ennui, pull handle
Hope still trapped inside
Don’t Touch That
…button on the back of Cadance’s throne.
While the Princesses Sleep
The servants creep, playing silly games with the guards (sliding on carpets, etc.)
The Mare, The Myth, The Legend
Lion, witch, wardrobe
Twi, Nightmare, Celestia
Best of Both Worlds
What’s at the lagrange point? Where’s the barycenter?
Bust of both worlds. Tiny aliens colonize Sunset Shimmer’s bacon bits, start an intermammary war.
Random Pretentious-Sounding Phrase
Silly pretentious story!
Pick a Random Conversation Heart and Use It as Your Prompt
This prompt will never win, either.
Squinty face creates a vile idea
is boop the snoot available?
Your Hidden Side
4d extensions?
RD is sick of losing her sides when Pinkie cracks a good mememe. But she keeps a spare side just in case.
Girls go to Boston Market and lose track of how many sides they got!
Stolen Identity
[REDACTED]
Changing of the Guard
Guard steals a little between time to write fanfic. A group of them have kept things going for a while, perpetuating an old story that has grown into a legend. Time to pass the torch?
I Didn’t Look Back at the Wreckage. Let the Guards Find It.
…And I got beaned by broken bricks when the bomb went off.
Burglar steals wrong thing, triggers elemental trying to escape from imprisonment. Destroys other artifacts in trying to contain it.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Ooh, I may need to try this exercise next time. At the very least, it looks like fun.
Ooh, I may need to try this exercise next time. At the very least, it looks like fun.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
I choose to believe that one of the [REDACTED]s was "What does the button on the back of Twilight’s throne do?"
And you had so little faith in my prompt submission too. I mean, you turned out to be right, but still.
I choose to believe that one of the [REDACTED]s was "What does the button on the back of Twilight’s throne do?"
And you had so little faith in my prompt submission too. I mean, you turned out to be right, but still.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
I am not a good person or a strong one, I might steal this.
Bust of both worlds. Tiny aliens colonize Sunset Shimmer’s bacon bits, start an intermammary war.
I am not a good person or a strong one, I might steal this.
>>Xepher
Probably about as hard as it was for me when Posh started doing the same! :-p
(Pan Pan Pantsu >>Posh-chan, this is clearly all your fault, desu.)
Well, under the circumstances, I can't really argue with the recommendation to have her meow.
(Edit: I think any/all suggestions about what she should do are awesome. My dark secret is that I know practically nothing about anime and/or Japanese culture and I'm faking everything)
Probably about as hard as it was for me when Posh started doing the same! :-p
(Pan Pan Pantsu >>Posh-chan, this is clearly all your fault, desu.)
Well, under the circumstances, I can't really argue with the recommendation to have her meow.
(Edit: I think any/all suggestions about what she should do are awesome. My dark secret is that I know practically nothing about anime and/or Japanese culture and I'm faking everything)