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The Twilight Zone · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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Crepuscular
I run my hoof slowly across the word. "Crepuscular," it reads. "1. of, relating to, or resembling twilight." I move my hoof down to the next line, tracing it just as slow. "2. Zoology. appearing or active in the twilight, as certain bats and insects."

Leaning back in my chair, I let the word roll off my tongue a few times. "Crepuscular," I say. "Crepuscular!" I try again, louder. It was one of those words on the bathtub curve. That is to say that if you graphed how weird it sounded to the ear, over the number of times you repeated it, the resulting line on a graph looked like a tub. It starts strange, nearly alien to all but the most academic of ears, but quickly sounds normal. Repeated enough however, the strangeness multiplies exponentially, and a mare will likely drive herself insane long before the trend gives up.

I grin. It fits me to a tee. Nomen est omen, as the ancient Roanan's used to say. I've never been a huge believer in predictive nomenclature, but sometimes... well, a pony's mind just sees patterns, doesn't it?

My parents, somehow, long before I'd shown any sign of self awareness, named me Twilight Sparkle. They had no way of knowing I'd grow up favoring those hours of dawn and dusk, did they? Or did something, somehow or someway, tell them that I'd shine brightest in the between-times?

No, of course not. It's just coincidence. Plenty of ponies have odd sleep schedules. But I don't just favor those hours, do I? I love them! Nearly all my good memories are cast in high-angled, diffuse light from the horizon. The exceptions, such as the Summer Sun Celebration, or Nightmare Night, seem just frequent enough to prove the rule.

I think on it more. Now I'm a princess as well. And yes, "of friendship" is the official title, but it is hard to ignore the symbolism of two diarchs, holding power over both sun and moon, night and day, and then finding myself thrust suddenly onto the same stage with a name like mine. Well, it beggars the question, surely.

Okay, so maybe no pony really thinks of me on the same level as the Two Sisters. But that's fine. Dusk and Dawn were always the more humble times, times when ponies woke, transitioned from dream to day, or vice versa. Some might say it is when we are weakest, but to me, I think it's when we're at our most true. It's the way we scratch ourselves at dawn, or drop all pretense, makeup, or other facades after a long day. High noon is for the brave and the bold. Dark night is for the daring and the romantic. But dusk and dawn belong to our true selves, all pretense removed.

It is, I realize also, the time I've always felt at my best, always felt... strongest. Pulling an all-nighter is always a bit of a challenge, if I'm honest, but when the first rays of dawn creep over the horizon, there is this incredible sense of renewed energy. Likewise, waking in the late afternoon, it's literally painful to drag myself from bed, and I'll self-medicate with coffee and dark teas just to survive. But as soon as the sun dips below the far peaks, and the first evening stars made their light known, it's like a weight is lifted from my soul and I am once again myself.

It's not just in my head, is it? I really do feel more alive at dusk and dawn. But am I this way because I made myself in the image of my name? Or, do parents somehow see a child in ways no others can, and name them true? I'm not sure I can answer that.

In either case, I feel content as any mare can be. I live my life, on my terms, and more importantly, my schedule. Either I fit it, or it fits me, but regardless, I am ever so grateful that there is a fit at all.
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#1 · 1
· · >>Xepher
A nice Slice of Thought story.
#2 ·
· · >>Xepher
I like this one! Nothing happens, but sometimes nothing needs to happen.

Just one thing:
Well, it beggars the question, surely.


The phrase is "it begs the question". If "beggars" was deliberate and not a mistake, I don't understand why.
#3 · 1
· · >>Xepher
This is a nice piece of satisfying introspection and a good use of the prompt.

As for SPark's "beggers" point, the cliche is regional. Both "beggers the question" and "beggers the imagination" are used, but it does point out the danger of using a cliche unless the cliche serves something in the story like providing dialect or characterization--especially one as short as this one. It did not throw me out of the story, but I am also renowned for fracturing and misusing them so I can only pass on what I've learned.
#4 · 1
· · >>Cassius >>Ranmilia >>Xepher
I didn't honestly like this much, sorry. You've got an introspective stream-of-conscious ramble from a single narrator, and you need to own that a bit more than you do. A work like this is carried by its characterization and voicing, and I don't feel Twilight here. That's admittedly a little subjective, but to extend the point... if you asked me to put this character in a specific situation and write about her reaction, I don't think I could. You need to add some sharpness and uniqueness in here, some memorable beats that give the writing texture.

Ignoring all that – the underlying concept here is nice, of Twilight musing on her own name. It manages to be fairly comfortable despite not going anywhere or doing anything significant, which takes a certain amount of finesse in knowing what ideas you can include and which would be distracting.

"beggars the question" as noted is a little unusual – especially because I have no idea what she means in that context. There's two meanings to the phrase: the initial "secretly assumes a premise" and the modern "raises a question", and I can't tell what either of them would refer to in specific.

I'd also call out the phrasing of
waking in the late afternoon, it's literally painful to drag
– "is" is the verb of the first clause, and so it would flow more naturally if it weren't contracted.
#5 · 2
· · >>Xepher
High noon is for the brave and the bold.

I mean...

I wish the conclusion was stronger here. She gets to the end, and sorta waffles out? Like 'it might be this way or that way but it doesn't really matter so meh', and I wish she didn't; I'd like to see some sort of stronger conclusion drawn, something that really makes a point about what's come before instead of just brushing it away.

Other than that, the self-meditation style kinda works, and there's some decent characterization here, which is all to the good.
#6 · 1
· · >>Xepher
This is going to bother me unless I say something: “The exception that proves the rule” uses prove in the archaic sense of testing the rule. And finding it wanting.

What? It’s a Twilight-focused story. When better to indulge in pedantry? ;)

In all, it’s a pleasant little moment inside Twilight’s head, but it does peter out by the end. It left me with little more than a sense of “Okay, that happened.” Sorry, this just wasn’t up my alley.
#7 · 2
· · >>Xepher
Where to begin when discussing this story? Well, let's start complimentary: this is a good introspective voice. With the exception of some few scant lines, it's easy to follow the train of thought of this story as it tangents through semi-related subjects. The thoughts themselves are evocative as well, and I think Twilight's feelings of being wedged between two more established and experienced monarchs to be an interesting sentiment befitting a larger story.

I'll echo >>Exuno here to some extent though and say that the narrative voice is not really characterized as Twilight enough as to properly resemble her. What this really comes down to is turn of phrase for me, as it comes across as a bit too formal to be distinctly Twilight. I would say that it is halfway between being a regular narrative and a narrative written in Twilight's voice, and it bounces back and forth.

I think the subject of this story is fit for expansion and this would probably serve well as a scene towards the middle of a larger story about Twilight's role between the two sisters than as a product of its own. As it stands, I wouldn't really call this a complete product, more along the lines of a scene of something occurring. It's very difficult to sell a conflict and resolution if it is all internalized in a five minute thought tangent, unfortunately.

I'd like to see this expanded in something bigger about Twilight's feelings of inadequacy.
#8 ·
·
This one meanders... at first, it's a bit cozy, and I like that. The connections she makes flow naturally, but unfortunately it doesn't really go anywhere strong. There's no payoff or conclusion, just a... well GroaningGreyAgony says it best, a "Slice of Thought."

Also, "predictive nomenclature"? Dear author, did you perhaps mean to say "nominative determinism"? :-) The latter makes far more sense, given the "name is destiny" latin that follows it.

Overall, ignoring that (and a few other minor typos) I'm afraid this comes out only at middle-of-the-pack for me. It's decent writing, but as a friend of mine says, it "goes nowhere, does nothing."
#9 ·
· · >>Xepher
Here we have a pony spinning a little question about the nature of names and destiny. Names tend to be very destiny oriented, or very family-centric, and thinking on it now it's a wonder we don't see more discussion on the topic in canon and via the fandom. So, it's definitely a topic I can see Twilight thinking about (and those tend to be my favorite topics), even though the voice isn't quite pitch perfect.
#10 ·
· · >>Xepher
Mainly agreed with >>Exuno here. A piece that goes so all in on a character's internal musing needs to hold up against rigorous scrutiny, and I'm not sold on Twilight's specific voice being captured particularly well here. Much of it comes off as very safe, generic monologue that could belong to any introspective character.

Another issue I'm surprised nobody's mentioned yet is the problem of cutie marks. I know, I know, that whole debate is a giant fandom trap full of spikes and fire, but it feels a bit neglectful to fail to mention them at all in a monologue about predictive nominative determinism and conceptual essentialism in Equestrian society.

I do like the prose, quite a bit really, but I wish this went somewhere, had more strongly characterful Twilight specific touches, or had a more concrete payoff.
#11 ·
· · >>Xepher
crepuscular really is a grotesque word, isn't it? I was planning on pointing that out before reading the story and finding out Twilight already did it for me.

This could've easily lost my attention if it got too rambling, but it was interesting enough to succeed as a hook. Well done.

But dusk and dawn belong to our true selves, all pretense removed.


hmmm. good points, Twilight.

but that sentence there becomes the climax, and the rest of the story lets itself resolve. instead, I believe that's the exact point the story needed to unfold, to connect to a new idea.

right now it's nicely "comfy" but kinda forgettable after the moment has passed. it could easily become something enlightening and memorable with a little extra push.
#12 · 1
· · >>Xepher
...So... am I the only one who thought the narrator was blind, and reading in Braille, going by the first paragraph?

I quite agree that this is a well done monologue, but I don't hear it coming from Twilight at all. The thoughts themselves? Sure. The way they're delivered? That doesn't sound like Twilight's voice to me.
#13 · 2
· · >>Xepher
Pleasant enough prose, but I'm left a bit cold by the voice. This just doesn't feel "Twilight" to me; this is someone much more poetic that book horse, I think. Your mileage may vary here, of course. Still, like I said, it is pleasant naval gazing and has very nice diction. Not a lot I can advice here aside from consider retooling the voice a bit. Or don't and just let it try and stand as a slightly different Twilight.
#14 · 1
·
Thanks to everyone that read and commented!

>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Not_A_Hat
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>Cassius
>>Rao
>>Rao
>>Ranmilia
>>Haze
>>Posh
>>AndrewRogue

This was a last-minute third entry, inspired as I finished writing "Exclusion Zone" and couldn't stop thinking on how weird the word crepuscular (which I'd used there) sounded. So I took the easy route, and channeled my inner Twilight to muse on it. As was noted though, it was really just me musing on it, with only vague notions of her PoV as I did so. As such, the voice is a failure, as it's just me here, not her.

I still think the word is fun, AND that there's some great introspection Twilight could get out of it, but I need a serious rework to make this have a "point" as well as to make it sound like her.


>>SPark
>>scifipony
>>Exuno
Yup... written while sleepy (and rushed) at 3am. So I totally just typoed that "beggars the question" bit. Definite facepalm as soon as it was pointed out! Then I saw I'd also said "predictive nomenclature" when I'd been unable to recall the phrase "nominative determinism" and had meant to go back and correct that, but forgot. Double fail!


That said, thanks again everyone! I'll try to keep character voices in my head better next time I write first person.